Sorry this took forever! Also sorry this is shorter than other chapters, I could've made it longer but I really wanted to get it out tonight! Hope you like it.


Carlos wishes Jay and his first time had been special. That it had been meaningful, that it wasn't just a way to use each other; a way to vent their emotions through unhealthy means. It was filled with lust and raw anger and confusion, and Carlos wishes it had been different. He's not sure how Jay feels, but he knows neither one of them are going to talk about it.

It happened on a Friday, after the last detention for Jay, Evie, and Mal. It was also the two month anniversary since they had started their little charade. Since Carlos had gotten a week less of detention, he spent the evenings in his bedroom, working on homework or inventions, waiting for his friends to get finished. It was boring, but he didn't want to make anymore friends as Fairy Godmother had instructed them to do. He did hang out with Jane the first day he had to wait for his friends to get out of detention, but he decided he would not do that again. He found that she liked to pry; ask personal questions he didn't want to answer. Slowly he realized their friendship was built on lies, and he knew she didn't deserve that. So, instead of chatting up Jane on the nights he's waiting for Jay to get back, he spends it talking to Dude and messing with wires and trinkets.

It's nearly ten at night and Carlos is trying to decide where to place a wire when Jay barges in, a bottle of alcohol in his hand and a wide grin plastered on his face. Carlos jumps, partially startled and gazes curiously at the bottle in Jay's hand. He doesn't know how Jay managed to come across it, and he decides he doesn't want to know. Instead, he asks, " Why do you have that?"

The grin on Jay's face does not falter as he shouts, " To celebrate!"

Carlos can't help but laugh. Jay's logic doesn't make much sense. They just got done serving detention for having illegal items, and Jay wants to celebrate with another illegal item which could get him sent right back to detention. (Or to the Isle).

" Oh, good idea," Carlos responds sarcastically as he lets out another low chuckle. He plays with the wires attached to his machine, causing Jay to gaze at it.

" What's that?" He seems genuinely interested which causes Carlos to smile widely.

" I'm trying to make a self-running vacuum," He flicks at the wires again and then watches as Jay nods his head and twists open the top to the bottle.

" That could sell for some good cash," Jay looks at the machine again and then takes a long swig of the liquid, burning his throat as it goes down.

" I guess..." Carlos mumbles, watching intently as Jay drinks from the bottle. Jay seems to notice the hard stare from Carlos, finishing a sip before offering it to Carlos.

" Want some?"

Carlos pauses a moment. " What is it?"

Jay looks at the label, " Mm..whiskey? I dunno, it all tastes the same to me."

Carlos pauses again, contemplating if he really wants to do something so stupid. It was something him and Jay (and sometimes Mal, but never Evie) used to do on the Isle whenever they managed to get their hands on it. They obviously never used it for the taste, but to numb their pain. To make them forget about the painful hell they lived in. It made everything perfect for a little bit, and suddenly, Carlos realized he missed that feeling, he missed it a lot.

Carlos nearly lunged forward, scrambling for the bottle while speaking, " Give it." He wrapped his fingers around the cold glass and ripped it from Jay's hands. He quickly put it to his mouth and drank a generous amount, enough to leave a heavy burning sensation down his throat. It was foul and gross, but it was oh so familiar. It worked its way down his body and warmed his bones. He let his eyes close for a split second, because this was what felt like home. Without realizing it, he took another heavy chug, causing it to be taken away from his greedy hands.

Jay let himself watch as Carlos' eyes slipped shut and a sigh escaped his parted lips. He noted the way Carlos' hair was ruffled up, his heavy lidded eyes, and that dazed smile on his lips. It warms Jay's stomach, because this was familiar, and he never realized how much he had missed it. He gulped heavily as he continued to watch Carlos lick his lips before taking another drink. He watches as Carlos gulps and removes the bottle from his lips. Carlos is about to take another drink which causes Jay to snap out of his daze.

" Woah!" He lunges for the bottle and quickly takes it back. Carlos frowns slightly and Jay responds with a smirk. " Don't drink all of it, C. I want some, too." Jay locks eyes with Carlos, a glint appearing in his brown eyes. Jay leans his head back and takes a drink while keeping eye contact with Carlos. Jay finishes with a smack of his lips and hands the bottle back to Carlos. " Your turn."

They pass the bottle back and forth in a constant rhythm, talking about nonsense they're not going to remember in the morning. They continue the rhythm until the bottle is half gone and Jay is trying to walk in a straight line across the room with a ridiculous grin on his face.

Carlos watches as Jay stumbles to his left, knocking into the dresser.

" Sit down," He mumbles, and begins to laugh as Jay knocks into the dresser again and then regains his balance. Jay doesn't listen and starts for the door.

" No," He nearly shouts and then lifts his hands in the air. " I'm going to go run down the hallway!" He yells happily and then starts whooping, opening the door slightly.

" No, Jay," Carlos laughs again, immediately removing himself from his bed, going to stop Jay from getting them in trouble. Carlos manages to grab Jay's arm before Jay can fully remove himself from their room. " You can't," He tries to sound serious, but ends up laughing. " Come back." He tugs on Jay's arm. When Jay doesn't move, he pulls at it harder. It must've been a little too hard because Jay comes stumbling back into their room and Carlos rams into Jay's chest.

Carlos tries to move back, but Jay had a firm grip on his waist, making sure he wouldn't go anywhere. Jay has a lazy smirk on his face and leans further into Carlos. " Hello," He mumbles lowly, his alcohol breath tickling Carlos' nose.

" You're loud," Carlos complains as Jay begins to nose at the side of his neck. He thinks about moving away, but Jay nips slightly on his skin and Carlos quickly decides against it.

" I bet you could be louder," Jay challenges, voice low and intoxicating. Before Carlos can respond, Jay is latching onto Carlos' sides and pushing him up against the door, promptly shutting it.

Carlos tries to think clearly, but his common sense seems to be hazed over by the amount of alcohol he had drank and the way that Jay was pushed up against him. Neither one of them say anything for what seemed like an eternity. The only sound is their heavy breathing as Jay dips his head down to Carlos collar bone and Carlos decides if he wants to stop him or not.

As Jay finally nips at Carlos' collar bone, Carlos manages to rasp out heavily, " Let's see who can be louder."

It sounds stupid and utterly ridiculous, but Jay perfectly understands what Carlos is asking. The statement makes Jay's eyes go dark, a sight Carlos watched with hunger. A growl escapes Jay before he can help himself and suddenly they're kissing fervently; teeth clashing together messily, tongues exploring every inch desperately with hot and heavy alcohol drenched breaths. Carlos fists at Jay's shirt, thinking somehow they could get closer.

As Jay goes to pull back, Carlos grabs at the front of his shirt and yanks him down back to his mouth. Jay makes a surprised grunt as his lips smash back down onto Carlos', so Carlos roughly bites down on Jay's bottom lip. This causes Jay to rock forward in appreciation. Carlos can't help the whimper that escapes his throat, and suddenly he feels like his knees are going to collapse on him at any second. Jay removes his lips from Carlos' and begins a trail of bites and licks up down Carlos neck, and then attaches them to the juncture between Carlos' collar bone. He rocks forward again, and Carlos can't help but respond; his shorts getting tighter every second and his head getting dizzier and dizzier.

They were still clothed, and Carlos' shorts were so tight he thought he might explode. He removed his hands from Jay's hair and splayed them under Jay's shirt, promptly lifting it up. " We're getting naked, now."

(And now that Carlos looks back at this moment, he really wishes he hadn't said that).

Jay gulps heavily and gladly discards his shirt, while stating, " I thought you'd never ask, babe." (But since when did Jay need permission? Carlos asked himself).

Once Jay's shirt is off, Carlos is quick to get rid of his, too. They quickly go back to kissing and groping each other helplessly. Touching and scraping skin that they couldn't get enough of; leaving trails of red and marks of blood to tell others: this one's mine. For a while this was enough to please them, but Carlos' shorts were still hurting like hell and Jay really wanted the extra layer off, too. They couldn't seem to get enough friction and it killed both of them.

" Jay," Carlos whimpers as Jay sucks on his collar bone, then licking the pain away. Carlos can feel Jay shudder against him, so Carlos groans again.

When Jay's back is stinging and Carlos can't seem to catch his breath, Jay grabs at the bulge in Carlos' pants. Carlos jumps and moans all at once.

" Time to take these off too, yeah?" Jay breathes, smirking as he fits himself between Carlos and presses down, causing Carlos' eyes to flutter helplessly and a hoarse groan to sound in the back of his throat.

He wants to say no. He wants to back away and stop everything before it got worse, but Carlos couldn't find it in himself to do that. He knew Jay would stop, everything would stop if he just said the magic word, but he doesn't want to. What he wants is Jay. He wants Jay. So he locks eyes with Jay, thrusting upwards and then grabs at the hem of his shorts. He licks his lips slowly, then shakes his head quickly, and Jay takes that as the okay. He smashes Carlos back up against the wall, biting at his neck and quickly slides his fingers under the hem of Carlos' shorts and slides them down with ease, and Carlos does the same for him.

Once they're both completely naked, everything seems to happen in a blur. It's so much to take in that it just turns into a blurred dizzy mess in Carlos' head. When they can't seem to get close enough Jay pulls Carlos away from the wall by the back of his neck, growling, " Bed." Carlos doesn't verbally respond, but attaches his lips back to Jay and lets himself get pushed down onto the bed.

Jay climbed on top of him, and Carlos couldn't restrain himself from looking up at him with wonder; with love (lust). Jay does the same, looking at Carlos with awe as Carlos' hands explore Jay's chest, his back, his hips.

Carlos gets impatient and allows himself to thrust forward onto Jay, who snaps out of his Carlos-induced daze.

Jay replies by smirking, and then his face goes serious, gnawing on his lip nervously. " Do you..?"

Jay's eyes flick over Carlos' face, trying to determine what this boy was thinking.

Wondering if he was thinking the same thing he was. Because fuck, this was supposed to be just acting. And what had they gotten themselves into?

Carlos grips at Jay's side, nails digging into the flesh of his hip. "Yes," He breathes low, then louder, "Fuck yes."

Carlos knows this is wrong. Knows this is going to end in flames, possibly end a friendship , and will cause who knows what else. But if this is the closest thing to love Carlos will get, then he'll gladly take it.

(In the morning they both try to tell themselves it happened because they were drunk, but neither one of them want to admit they knew exactly what they were doing).

Jay wakes up first, and he finds himself still lying naked next to Carlos, who is snuggled up against his side. He has a pounding headache and he suddenly wishes he hadn't drank so much. He allows himself to admire the mess of Carlos' freckles, the slight muscles on his arms, his perfect pink lips. The other night had been perfect, well it would've been perfect if they had actually been dating. But Jay saw it as it truly was: Two friends using each other. A simple arrangement.

That fact pleased him but made him angry all at once. He wished things could be different; wished that he could have a real relationship with Carlos. That wasn't possible, not for them. All they knew was hatred; destruction. They only knew secret flings in the middle of the night, with hushed whispers and lies that they weren't fucking four other people behind their back. They wouldn't know how to handle a real relationship. Jay definitely wouldn't. He knew if they tried, it would end with destruction, tears, and utter chaos. Jay didn't want to screw up a perfect friendship over something so greedy; so selfish.

When Carlos began stirring, Jay quickly shut his eyes, deciding it would be best to avoid the awkward 'the morning after' situation. Jay tries to even his breathing and keep his eyelids steady to convince Carlos that he was still asleep. He can feel the bed move as Carlos sits up, and he assumes Carlos still believes he's sleeping.

Carlos takes a look at Jay, and is relieved to find that he is still sleeping. He tries to keep his gaze from wandering to Jay's naked form, so he quickly jolts up from the bed. He can still feel the stickiness from the night before, can remember everything Jay did to him. Suddenly, it all comes down on him and he feels like he can't breathe.

" Shit," Jay can hear Carlos state, and Jay stills, wondering what else Carlos might say.

Carlos grabs at his hair, pulling it helplessly. He glances at Jay again and then looks around the room, noting the utter mess it was in. " Shit," He states again, this time coming out more broken. More worried. Jay creases his brows, trying to keep himself from jumping up to speak to Carlos.

Carlos tries not look at himself in the mirror, but he can't help it. He stares at the array of purple and blue on his neck and shoulders. He can see the bright red marks where Jay's nails had once been, scraping with greediness. He can remember the way he moaned Jay's name, could still feel the burning in each place Jay had touched him. He finally realized, then. Comprehended fully what they had done.

What the fuck had they been thinking?

Fuck. What the fuck.

It came crashing down and suddenly Carlos let out a loud sob. He screams angrily, " Fuck!" Then kicks at the dresser, trying to keep his tears at bay. He looks at himself again in the mirror and hates what he sees.

He quickly decided, if this was what love felt like, he didn't want it.

His stomach lurched and he made a dash for the bathroom and quickly emptied his stomach.

All the while, Jay was finding it hard to breathe, too. Was Carlos crying? He was definitely- and oh shit, he was puking too. Jay's stomach was in his throat and his heart was heavy with guilt. What the hell had he done?

He heard Carlos let out another sob, and he wanted to get up. Wanted to go and wrap his arms around the boy and comfort him and tell him how fucking perfect he was. But he didn't. He knew that'd only make it worse. So, instead he squeezed his eyes shut and waited for the storm to be over. He blocked out the continuous sobs of the boy and the dry heaves, trying not to imagine his broken form laying on the bathroom floor.

After Carlos' meltdown he was quick to take a shower and dash out of the room. Several minutes after Jay had heard the door close, he allowed himself to open his eyes.

He threw the covers away from him and didn't even bother to see the damage to his body from the night before. He grabbed a pair of clothes and washed away everything. Washed away the lust, the confusion. He washed it all away and tried to make it nonexistent. He scrubbed his skin, and screamed when he realized he couldn't scrub away the bruises, and the marks. Reminders, he fucking hated reminders.

Somewhere in the back of his mind Jay knew they'd never be able to get over this.


People would probably think having sex would make the fake dating situation so much easier, so much believable. But for Jay and Carlos it seemed to do the exact opposite. They were dangerous for each other now. Their lingering touches used to have maybe promises of something more, of something they would probably only ever dream of. But now, those touches actually held something. They could easily turn into something more, and that scared them both.

They both very nearly regretted having sex, though it had been enjoyable at the time. However, that didn't mean they didn't want to do it again (and again, and again). The touches now made them wanting each other more, made them push the other against the wall, moaning each other's name and gasping for breath in corners of school. That had already happened twice and it had only been three days since the regrettable night.

" Don't touch me unless someone important is watching," Jay had told Carlos one day, and it came out harsh, but Jay hadn't meant for it too.

" Gladly," Carlos snapped back, removing his hand from Jay's. He wasn't mad at Jay, not entirely, just the whole situation in general.

They came to an agreement. They had to distance themselves, because they couldn't resist one another at the moment, and they couldn't let that one night happen again. It had only been three days and it nearly destroyed them.

It was going well until the fifth day, when Mal slammed Jay's locked door shut, a playful look on her face.

" What, Mal?" Jay sighed, rolling his eyes.

" What's up with you and Carlos?"

Jay stuttered, " N-nothing."

" Wow, that was a shitty lie. Tell me or I'll have Evie show me in her magic mirror or whatever."

Jay glared at Mal, teeth clenched together. " Don't fucking try me Mal."

Mal frowned, but quickly recovered, chuckling lightly." That bad?"

" It's none of your business, so back off." Jay lowered his voice, trying his best to not yell at Mal who was trying her best to annoy the crap out of him.

" I'm just trying to help!" Mal snapped, confused at Jay's attitude and the way he wanted to keep something from her. They told each other everything. " Evie found Carlos crying in the locker room. She tried to help and he told her to fuck off."

Jay paled, anger clear gone. " What?"

" Now you want to tell me what's going on?"

Jay groaned angrily, running a hand through his hair. " Shit," He muttered, trying to avoid eye contact with Mal. " I thought he was over this."

" Over what?" Mal frowned, unnerved by the way Jay was pacing.

" We.." Jay cleared his throat awkwardly, " We had sex Friday night."

Mal's eyes went wide, and she nearly choked in surprise. " What!" She screeched, almost thinking he was kidding. Because no way, no fucking way.

" Yeah.." Jay cringed as the words left his mouth, " We were drunk."

" Jay!" She cocked her head, eyes still wide. She knew they were dumb, but they weren't seriously that dumb. She knew they could handle one night stands with other people, they did it all the time on the Isle. But Jay and Carlos having a one night stand together, with no relationship included, holy fucking shit. She knew they both wanted each other, she could tell when Carlos had turned 13 back on the Isle and Jay was looking at Carlos differently, like he looked at some of the girls, or a piece of jewelry. She even warned him back then, too. Flames, she had said. You'll both go down in flames, and Jay had easily agreed, knowing there could never be something between him and his beautiful blond boy, there would never be.

Yet, here they were.

" I know! The next morning, he just started going crazy. Screaming, crying, he even threw up. He went completely crazy and I couldn't help him without sounding like a hypocrite. I thought he was fine, I mean he seemed fine later that day. Normal, I guess?"

Mal sighed, licking her lips, eyes darting behind Jay to make sure no one was listening. "Have you talked about it?" No, she knew that was the answer. They were from the Isle. They never talked about things like that, so why would they start now?

Jay kicked at the ground, tugging at his hair again. " No."

" You're fucked," Mal stated, a dry laugh escaping from her body. She couldn't help it. She laughed during the worst scenarios. She wanted to help them, but she didn't know how

Jay bit at his cheek, tongue flicking over his teeth nervously.

" Thanks."