Chapter 66
The two hours slipped by too quickly. The ride to Ebisu fortunately only took twenty minutes. They spent the journey in silence, both of them preoccupied with thoughts of the upcoming event.
Even though Akira hadn't eaten at the restaurant in several months, he possessed good recall, and the sun still hadn't set, so it wasn't difficult for him to retrace his way down the streets. "There it is," he said to Hikaru when he spotted the conspicuous potted palms that adorned the restaurant's outdoor patio.
But Hikaru had frozen on the steps, his gaze riveted to a point over Akira's shoulder.
"Sai," Hikaru whispered helplessly.
Akira followed Hikaru's line of sight to where two men were seated around one of the patio tables. The one facing Akira was holding a cigarette and reading a menu – Ogata-san. The waiter walked away from the table, and Ogata looked up from the menu. He spotted them and gave a little half-wave, and his companion turned around.
Sai – Fujiwara-san – Akira corrected mentally, pushed his chair back and stood up quickly. He took a step forward and stopped, his gaze flickering uncertainly between Akira and Hikaru. "Shindou-sensei, Touya-sensei," Fujiwara said, his hands plastered against his legs, as if he was torn between trying to decide whether to bow in introduction. He doesn't recognize Hikaru, Akira realized with a sinking certainty.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" Hikaru said in a small voice, and out of the corner of his eye Akira could see that he was clutching his fan against his hip. "Don't you remember me? Dont' you remember me at all?"
"I'm very sorry," Fujiwara said, his expressive eyes full of guilt, and he did bow now, in apology. "I did not mean to cause you distress by forgetting you. I was hoping you could help me, but perhaps it was selfish of me to ask for you to come-"
"Don't apologize to me like I'm some stranger you bumped into! We were friends, we were together all the time, and you made me play Go, and you wanted to play Akira's dad and you... you..."
Shindou shuddered and took a deep gulp of air, his chest heaving as if he'd just run a grueling marathon, and Fujiwara lifted a hand as if he wanted to touch Hikaru, but he did not step forward.
"The Hand of God. You wanted to find it so badly. That's why I kept playing, to find it for you." Hikaru's head was bowed now. Akira realized that Hikaru was crying from the choked tone of his voice, but Akira couldn't bring himself to pull Hikaru into his arms, now that there were other people to witness.
"Don't you remember? Sai?!"
The name hung in the air like a desperate plea.
Akira felt too mortified to glance at either Hikaru or Sai then, and he ended up looking in Ogata's direction. Ogata's eyebrows were raised, undoubtedly because of Hikaru's shockingly intimate form of address, but he did not otherwise stir from his seated position, his lit cigarette still smoldering between his fingers. He met Akira's eyes with a carefully neutral expression, and Akira understood that Ogata was counseling him to simply wait, that this really wasn't "about" them. Except Akira knew it was, because it was Hikaru.
"I'm so sorry," Sai said, his own voice husky with emotion. He lowered his eyes. "I... did not wish to hurt you."
"You just disappeared... and all I had was this..." Hikaru held out his hand to show Sai his fan.
"I have a fan too," Sai said, sounding puzzled.
The statement was so incongruous that Akira couldn't help looking at Sai, despite his mortification. Sai was holding a beautiful white fan in his hands now, looking from it to repeatedly as if the fan were the Rosetta Stone and Shindou a particularly confusing text. "I thought I had given this to someone. I've been wondering why I still had it," Sai said.
At those words, Hikaru went completely still, but Sai apparently did not notice. "We were playing a game, and I think I had to leave. I didn't want to... I didn't want to leave you. So I wanted you to have this, to remember me." Sai's expression turned inwards as he opened and closed the fan slowly. "But it seems I was the one who forgot you. I'm so sorry. Hikaru."
Akira watched as Hikaru raised his head to see Sai extending the fan towards him, handle-first. Hikaru stared at the fan and at Sai, who was smiling gently even though he had started to cry as well.
"I'm afraid this is late, but please accept it," Sai said, his beautiful eyes soft with apology.
Hikaru made a small strangled noise, and then his fan clattered to the ground as he rushed towards Sai, grabbing him around the waist with enough force that Sai stumbled backwards a step.
"It's about time you big dork," Akira heard Hikaru sob into Sai's chest. Sai ruffled his hair affectionately.
###
Hikaru and Sai clung to each other openly, completely caught up in their own private world. They didn't notice the open stares they were receiving from some other patrons who were crossing the patio to enter the restaurant.
"Looked for you everywhere," Hikaru said between sobs and hiccups. "Couldn't find you anywhere in Tokyo so I went to Innoshima but you weren't there, so I came back to Tokyo to look at Torajiro's grave but you weren't there either. I kept hoping I would find you somehow, or you would just show up and I waited and stopped playing go but you never did. I thought you were gone forever."
Sai made some comforting noises as he rubbed Hikaru's back. "It's all right. It's all right. I'm here now."
"Promise you won't leave again?" Hikaru mumbled into Sai's shirt.
"I promise."Sai said solemnly. "I don't want to miss any more of your life. It seems that you've changed a lot while I was gone."
"I have?" Hikaru said, visibly calmer now that he'd extracted the promise from Sai.
He seems so gentle. Tension that Akira hadn't been aware of began to ease out of his shoulders. Perhaps his worry over Sai's reaction had been misplaced. It was obvious that Sai cared for Shindou deeply, even if he didn't quite remember the nature of their relationship.
"Yes, for one thing, you've gotten so tall," Sai said, pulling back slightly to regard Hikaru with a proud smile. "I remember when you were just this high." He made a gesture near his waistline.
"I was NOT ever that short," Hikaru said indignantly. "You're just an abnormally tall freak of nature!" Hikaru's lower lip jutted out in a pout as he disentangled himself from Sai.
"Is Hikaru sensitive about his height?" Sai questioned innocently, his eyes twinkling with laughter as he squeezed Hikaru's shoulder.
"No!"
Hikaru retrieved the fan he'd dropped, but then abruptly halted instead of walking towards the table. He shot a glare of open distrust towards Ogata, who merely arched an eyebrow nonchalantly.
"Is something wrong?" Sai said, glancing between Ogata and Hikaru.
"It seems you and Hikaru have a lot to talk about," Ogata said. "Maybe you would like to sit at a separate table so you can catch up? Akira-kun and I also have things to discuss, so it wouldn't be a problem, and the restaurant shouldn't mind because there's plenty of space."
Sai flashed Ogata a grateful smile, and turned towards Hikaru, who shrugged and followed him towards the table. Akira settled into the chair across from Ogata, angling his body slightly so he could catch some bits of Sai and Hikaru's conversation.
###
"I trust you're doing well?" Ogata said, his features as composed and unreadable as during a match, like he had decided to pretend there were absolutely nothing out of the ordinary about what's happening.
If that's the hand you want to play.Akira kept his own face bland. "Yes, thank you. I haven't congratulated you on your new winning streak, Ogata-san."
"What about your friend Akari? Is she still playing go?"
"Yes, she's stills having Go lession with Shikarawa-sensei! She got into a really good high school and even started a Go club there. Sometimes she comes over and play me. "
"So, Shindou knew Sai after all," Ogata finally said, apparently having no interest in a trivial small talk. "It seems they know each other quite well." He took a long, leisurely drag on his cigarette, a not-so- subtle cue for Akira to start talking.
"...working in a go salon? That's so cool, Sai!
"Hey, I'm gonna be promoted to 7-Dan soon! And I'm playing in the Kisei-League. And I got seeded into this year's Hokuto Cup too!"
Akira had known Ogata long enough to have learned the art of holding a conversation in which absolutely no vital information was imparted. "Yes, it does," Akira said casually while Hikaru yelped in the background, apparently being punished for his impudence with a hair-mussing.
Ogata sighed almost imperceptibly, and leaned in closer, a sign Akira knew to interpret as partial surrender. "How long has Shindou been training with Fujiwara-san?"
Akira was not inclined to be generous, so he put on his best prim face. "Perhaps it would better for you to ask Fujiwara-san? I'm not sure if it would be proper for me to discuss what was told to me in confidence."
"Akira. Don't be ridiculous. You know that Fujiwara is an amnesiac."
Akira fixed Ogata with a steely look. "I know. I'm resolved to help him, by telling him whatever useful information I may possess." Like you ought to have done from the very beginning.
Ogata's cool expression faltered for a moment, Akira's barb not missing its target. "That's very generous of you. Fujiwara-san is fortunate."
"You, uh, don't have a family. They... died a long time ago."
"Why didn't you? Why didn't you tell him what you knew about Sai?"
The corners of Ogata's mouth curled up slightly. "Going straight for the jugular as usual, I see. Well, it's a little complicated."
"I'm good at listening," Akira said tersely. Don't patronize me to try to cover up your mistakes. I'm too old to fall for that anymore.
"-no, besides me, you didn't have friends. You sorta had this condition, so, you know, you couldn't really be around people. No no, you're fine now!"
Ogata pushed at the bridge of his glasses. "Sometimes people... do not always act in the most logical manner. It was a miscalculation, one which I'm trying to rectify."
Akira bit back a snappy remark. Sai was probably angry with Ogata, so Ogata was trying to make amends. Yes, Ogata would consider ticking Sai off to be a "miscalculation."
"I didn't have a job either? What was I doing day by day?"
"I know I was wrong," Ogata said softly.
Akira blinked in surprise. Had Ogata just...?
"...I'm alone, and I have no responsibilities or family? I must admit... that doesn't sound very... pleasant."
"I apologized to." Ogata said. "It was not my intention to... cause him difficulties. Or you."
"No, it's not like that at all, Sai! Don't say things like that! It totally wasn't your fault! You're misunderstanding. Some horrible things happened to you, and, and... just promise me you won't do anything stupid, okay?!"
Hikaru's exclamation drew Ogata and Akira's attention to the other table, where Hikaru was clutching Sai by the hand. Sai looked like he was on the verge of tears again. "I swear, it wasn't anything wrong you did. I just... I'm sorry, I just can't tell you everything now because it will make you really sad, and I don't want you to be sad. Please, is it okay to wait? Just for a little while?" Hikaru begged.
"I won't," Sai said in a small voice. He patted Hikaru's hand. "I can wait, Hikaru. I'm just happy to have you with me again. I know you'll tell me the details when the time is right," he said with a sad smile.
Akira's chest tightened. He's so trusting. Sai was not angry that Hikaru was asking for time, even though Hikaru knew more about Sai than Sai did. He was not resentful. He simply trusted Hikaru to have his best interests at heart.
###
Keeping the smile on, Sai turned towards Akira. "I'm so sorry! I've been terribly inconsiderate, having not properly introduce myself to you, Touya-sensei."
Akira waved his hands as Sai bowed apologetically. "Please, don't worry about it. And…please call me Akira. I am very glad to get to know you, Fujiwara-san. I am thankful for you to having bought Hikaru into the Go world. "...and into my world. Akira thought. Akira actually preferred to be called by his family name - most people hadn't earned enough familiarity to call him "Akira" - but this is Sai, so it's a different story, of course.
Sai beamed. "Well, to be honest, I think you had far more to do with Hikaru's interest in Go than I ever did. He was so excited to see you sitting there in the Go salon! Before that, he was always complaining that I'd dragged him into 'an old man's game.' He preferred playing soccer and dodgeball." Sai's fingers brushed absently against the fan on the table as he spoke, and Akira noticed the distinctive tassel on the end. The fan was Hikaru's. That meant Hikaru had Sai's fan now. The fans had returned to the places they're suposed to be. "I am also thankful for you to be Hikaru's rival. And friend."
Akira's heart beamed with happiness to hear that last sentence. He wanted Sai to like him, and from what Sai had just said, it seemmed Sai did like him. "You also have a rival," Akira stated. "My father has long been looking forward to a rematch with you." Akira could not bring himself to say: It is his greatest desire.
Sai's face lit up like the sun. "So it is true," he said. "A friend had told me that earlier, but I was worried that perhaps I had misunderstood him, or that perhaps your father had already found another rival since he's been travelling so much and playing the very best all over the world. I should like very much to play him again! I don't know if Ogata-sensei told you, but I've been recording all the games I can remember. I have quite a lot so far, but the game I played with your father is... very special to me."
Sai seemed to suddenly remember something. "I recall what a hyperactive child Hikaru was when I first met him. I suppose that's why he never learned go before, even though his grandfather is quite a dedicated player. He was very happy when Hikaru started playing seriously and enjoyed their games a great deal." Sai smiled, apparently delighted at the recollection. "Have you met Shindou-san?"
"No, it's a pity I never had the pleasure. Hikaru's Grandpa passed away about two months ago."
Something suddenly stroke through Sai's heart like a lightning, so hard he found it hard to breath. Akira looked up to Sai to see an utterly puzzled face.
"Please take my to Shindou-san's house. Please, right now! I don't know why but I'm feeling like I need to go there."
###
Ogata had no idea why they had to leave at the middle of the meal, heading to the residence of Hikaru's Grandfather's house. Despite Hikaru's desperate insistence on doing that on another day, Sai seemed to ask for it with a determination no one could turn off. Ogata offered to give them a drive. Sai stayed silent and thoughtful during the whole drive, while Akira held Hikaru's trembling hands in his palms, hoping this could calm down his extremely anxious looking rival, even when his own stomach was twisting in anxiety. Hikaru's grandpa, the attic, the cursed Shuusaku goban, the very one that Sai had possessed – had lived in for centuries. What if Sai remembered his connection to the cursed goban right now? How should they react? They had been obviously unprepared for the upcoming event.
After they had arrived, Sai bowed to thank Ogata for the drive, but asked to go in without him. Ogata was not particularly pleasant to be left out of the event, but saw no further need to argue with Sai given his current state.
"Alright then, I'll go to the Institute to have some work done and be back at my apartment then. Take care, Fujiwara!"
Sai nodded attentively, but his eyes were still so empty, his face paralyzed. Hikaru's heart hurt so badly at the scene. Sai turned to him. "Hikaru, I have the feeling that there is a place here I have to look at. I don't know why I have this felling or where the place is, but...I feel like you do. Will you...help me...please?"
Hikaru' heart filled with fear of how Sai would react if he'd take Sai to that place. But there was no point postponing this - Sai begged for it. Sai had the right to know about his own existence.
"Yes, Sai, I do know."
