Chapter 67
In the corner of the dim lit attic stood a goban. An very old goban, a fine layer of dust covered all over its surface. Hikaru insisted on leaving the goban exactly where it had been after his grandpa's death. His heart clenched at the scene, it felt like living through a deja vu.
A tremor ran through Sai's body as soon as he saw the goban. " I now know why I couldn't be around people. Why I neither had a job nor a I couldn't even place stones or face any of my opponents. Why my only existence was on NetGo. And why Hikaru went to a graveyard to search for me." Sai said, his voice barely above a whisper, his face filled with utter pain. "I remember now. You found this board, and I took over your mind." Tears started streaming on his cheeks. "I was a ghost."
Hikaru's eyes were filled with tears, too. Akira's heart broke into pieces watching his beloved one cry, thinking about how much pain he had to endure in the last short period of several months.
"I was the selfish one who... drowned himself. Because of my selfish desires, I couldn't accept the serenity of the afterlife. I was so cruel, taking Torajirou's games, and trying to take yours too. I'm a horrible, selfish teacher. Hikaru, I'm so sorry." Sai continued to cry.
"No, I'm the one who should be sorry. I didn't let you play enough, and you disappeared and it was all my fault!" Hikaru choked out a sob, and hid his face behind his hands. "I'm so sorry, Sai. Please don't hate me."
"Hikaru. I could never hate you." Sai patted Hikaru's back soothingly, but Akira could see that his hands were trembling. "What happened wasn't your fault. I should be the one to say sorry, for taking over your life, forcing you to play."
Hikaru shook his head. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me. Before, I didn't have a purpose or a goal. I didn't like school, and I wasn't serious about anything. You came and became my best friend, you bought Go and Akira into my life. I would have given anything to get you back."
"Hikaru is too kind," Sai said, hugging Hikaru tightly and stroking on Hikaru's hair. He did not say anything else.
Akira wasn't sure how much time passed with the two of them huddled together, crying softly. He just watched, slightly surprised at himself for not feeling terribly awkward. Usually he felt like an unwelcome intruder whenever a situation became serious or intimate. But he felt like he was a part of this – because this was an important part of Hikaru's life and Hikaru's an important part of his life, too.
"Sai, are you okay?" Hikaru had disentangled himself from Sai's embrace, and now he was shaking Sai's shoulder. "Talk to me, Sai!"
Akira realized that Sai was shivering, as if he were horribly cold. He walked across the room, and joined Hikaru by Sai's side. Akira put a hand on Sai's forehand, and found that his skin was clammy.
"Hikaru, look at his eyes," Akira said. Sai's pupils were blown and unfocused. He'd seen the expression before, on a dazed pedestrian who'd been struck by a motorbike. The injuries hadn't been serious, but the pedestrian had been so startled that he had gone into shock, and had needed treatment.
"What's happened?" Hikaru demanded, his voice's shaking with fear.
"He's in shock. What he just remembered would be too much for anyone to handle," Akira said.
"Let me call an ambulance!" Hikaru said, patting his pockets frantically. "Damn, I left my cell in my backpack! I'm running downstair to use the telephone!"
"I'm okay," Sai mumbled, his eyelids fluttering as he tried to focus. "Please don't make me go to the hospital." He clutched at Hikaru's hand. "I don't want to be alone. I don't want to disappear again. You can still feel me, right? You can still hear me?"
"Yeah, Sai," Hikaru said, patting Sai's hand. "You're real. You're not going anywhere, I swear. I won't let it happen." Hikaru's face scrunched up in resolve and pain, and he laced his fingers through Sai's.
Akira felt his heart wrench. He had known it was going to be difficult when Sai remembered, but he hadn't anticipated this. "We won't leave you alone, Fujiwara-san. You're going to be alright," Akira said with false calmness, and took Sai's other hand. Sai's pulse was racing frantically, like he'd been running sprints.
"Thank you," Sai said. He leaned into Hikaru's shoulder again, and shut his eyes.
After a few minutes, Sai's breath evened out, his pulse slowing to a steady beat. Akira heaved a silent sigh of relief, and met Hikaru's eyes across Sai's back. We should take him out of here, Akira mouthed. Being away from the attic and that goban – Sai's former prison, really – might prevent another panic attack.
Hikaru nodded. "Sai, are you ready to go?" he asked, his tone softer than Akira had ever heard it.
"Yes," Sai said uncertainly, as if he'd been presented with a riddle. "I want to go home."
Hikaru licked his lips nervously. "Do you mean my house?"
"No, my home. Heian-kyou."
Hikaru swallowed hard, and Akira knew he was forcing back tears. "Sai, you can't go back there. It's Kyoto now. It's not the same anymore. It's been more than a thousand years."
With disjointed, halting moments nothing like his usual grace, Sai pulled away from Hikaru, staring at him with an expression of disbelief. Finally, the disbelief faded, replaced by a weary resignation. Sai bowed his head. "I... understand. Then please, would you take me to Ogata-sensei's apartment?"
Hurt flashed across Hiakru's face. "Sai, why won't you come back to my house? You lived there with me for over two years. Come stay with me again. We can stay up late playing games just like before! It will be just like the old days again."
"Hikaru is always so kind to me. But please take me to Ogata's for now." Sai seemed to be exhausted, so Hikaru had no mean to argue with him or act against his will for now. Instead, he just nodded, and helped Fujiwara to his unsteady feet.
Akira felt a pang of sympathy for Hikaru, and wondered if Hikaru understood Sai's reasons. Even though Sai had apparently regained his memories, and his memories of living with Hikaru for over two years, he was afraid to return with Hikaru.
While Ogata's place had been Sai's happy home for the last couple of months, Hikaru's house was where he had disappeared.
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Credits to: Ontogenesis (Desynchronization)
It took me quite some time to work on this chapter, to put it into the order I wished for, but it was also so much fun. For more than ten years since the day I finished the manga, I've always wished that Sai would come back, regardless how illogical it can be, cause it broke my heart to read about his disappearance and his unfulfilled wishes. And now, here he is, back to life with a body of his own, surrounding by people who love him and care for him. The event of him realising he was a ghost was heart-clenching, but inevitable. My heart's full with joy editing this chapter. Thank you, Ontogenesis, for this beautiful story!
