Hesitation

'I've performed nearly a hundred pull ups and I'm not tired.' Naraku lamented, still hanging from the bar by his hands. He didn't mind the increased strength and endless energy, but how was he supposed to meet his body's new standards to maintain his appearance? Did he need to start lifting cars? His gaze shifted to the doorway when he spotted Lily walking in.

"You've been at this for a while; you okay?" she asked curiously, approaching him slowly.

"Yes." he answered, dropping to his feet.

"I wish I could workout like that."

"I wasn't born like this; I worked for it." Naraku pointed out, gathering his water bottle and towel.

"Oh, I know. I need motivation." Lily moved aside as Naraku left the workout room. She followed him swiftly, smiling when Naraku glanced back at her.

"What do you want?" Naraku asked with a heavy sigh.

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"You keep checking on me and now you're following me."

"Uh-"

"And you keep smiling at me; do you have a crush on me?"

"What? No! Haha, you're really full of yourself!" Lily's laugh sounded forced. Had she simply said no, he might have believed her, but the fact that she tried to throw him off by insulting him, followed him out of the guest house, through the freezing temperature outside, and back into her family home confirmed his assumption.

'Jade is in the lounge.' He heard her voice and the familiar sound of fingers slamming down on buttons. He was frozen in place, one foot on the first step.

"Uh-oh, sore?" Lily teased, moving past him to jog up the stairs. She greeted Jade and her sister with a loud greeting, only to be told to shut-up by Lucy.

'Why am I hesitating?' Part of him wondered if the orb had taken control, but he didn't feel its chilled presence holding him in place. He could still move; he just didn't want to.

"Oh, I've finally caught you!" a voice whipped through the air and cracked across his body. It wasn't Jade, Rosa or her daughters, so it could only be Jade's grandmother. Naraku had low-key been wondering when she would seek him out; she was almost a myth to him at that point. Turning his head to the right, he stared at the older woman standing in the doorway to the kitchen.

"I didn't realize you were looking for me." Naraku finally said. The way her eyebrows furrowed and rose, as if debating if she was irritated or amused, screamed of Jade. Jade made the same expression, especially at him, countless times. It was uncanny seeing someone else do it.

"Uh-huh. You busy?"

"No."

"Good. I've made some chili pepper tea. Jade told me you like it."

'What else has she told you?' Naraku withheld that question, settling with a nod instead as he walked into the kitchen. He placed his water bottle on the table and tucked his towel into his pocket.

"I'm Maria, Jade's grandmother, by the way." she said tonelessly, waving a hand at him.

"Naraku."

"Na-ra-ku." Maria repeated slowly, lifting the lid on the pot of brewing tea. The aroma of peppers and tea escaped into the kitchen. "Are you from here? America?"

"No; Japan. I've lived here for six years, give or take."

"You would never think so. You have no accent."

"It slips every now and then."

"Does your name have a meaning?"

Naraku looked down, wondering if he should lie. She could always look it up regardless of his answer. Lying to Jade's grandmother sounded like the worst possible choice, though he couldn't quite pinpoint why.

"It means, "Hell." My mother had a dark sense of humor." he said after clearing his throat softly.

"She sounds like a cunt." Maria shot, crossing her arms as she turned to look at him. Naraku couldn't completely hide his laugh.

"She was."

"Oh, she died? I shouldn't speak ill of her like that. I'm sorry."

"I'm not."

"Fair enough." she said with a shrug. Another mannerism of Jade's or, more likely, Jade learned her mannerisms from Maria.

'Jade seems more like her daughter than Rosa does.' Naraku thought humorously. Maria was the personification of mellow and Rosa was nitroglycerin if it could hold a human form. He wondered if their relationship was amicable.

"So, Jade is your assistant? Friend? Both?" Maria quizzed, pouring tea into two brown mugs.

"Both, I suppose." he answered, taking the mug Maria offered him.

"Sounds like you gave her a different answer last night." Maria shot quickly. Her brown eyes seared into his through her thin-rimmed glasses.

'Fuck. Me.' He looked down at the surface of the tea. Despite its warmth, his body was frigid with guilt and discomfort. He wasn't upset with Jade for telling her grandmother - he was glad that she did tell someone instead of pretending it didn't happen - but facing the woman who raised her was a whole other situation that he wasn't prepared for.

"Aren't you going to take a drink? Trust me like she trusted you?" she continued.

"There is nothing-"

"Is drugging someone normal in Japan? Is there a cultural thing to this?"

"Of course not." Naraku said, raising his voice slightly to stop her onslaught of loaded questions. "What I did to her was disgusting, to say the least. I cannot take it back and nothing I do or say will fix it."

Maria placed her tea on the counter behind her, stepping forward. Her anger was tempered on the surface, but he could only imagine what was going on inside her. "How could you? What did she do to deserve that?"

"It had nothing to do with her. I made the decision based on a selfish desire and nothing else."

Tears began to build in Maria's eyes and she pointed to herself. "She is my baby! And you hurt her in every way possible! Why didn't you tell her sooner? Why are you still here?"

"I didn't want to end our friendship; another selfish decision. As for being here; I'd rather not be, but she told me to stay, so here I am."

"You are pretty selfish." Maria retorted, shaking her head. "Weren't you raised to treat people better? Or, at least, realized the way your mother treated you was wrong and so you could have tried not to be worse?"

'Please, kill me.' Naraku thought defeatedly, raising the mug to his lips and tilting his head back. In three gulps, the warm tea was gone and he stiffly placed the mug on the dining table beside him. It tasted good enough for him to savor it for a split second.

"I didn't do anything to it." she admitted in a low voice. "Jade told me to be cordial."

"A shame." Naraku said candidly. He couldn't deny the disappointment. Then, he tilted his head slightly. "I do have a question; has Jade ever been done with a person?"

The woman grimaced and reached for her tea again, raising it to her lips and taking a single, deep drink before replying. "Oh yeah. Her previous boyfriend must have done something god-awful because she dropped his ass fast and hard and without a second thought. I asked her what happened, but she just said he was a fucker and that she had been on a month-long weed and alcohol bender that impaired her judgment. From that point on, she limited her intake and I never heard another word about him."

"Boyfriend?" The thought of Jade being in a serious relationship was entirely foreign to him. He had always figured she was capable of it, but he had never heard her speak of anyone in a romantic manner, except when being sarcastic. He couldn't even imagine her being romantic. When he tried to imagine her hugging, kissing, or holding hands, the image was blurry and didn't stick. Jade was too...aloof.

"I made the same face when she told me she had one the first time." she chuckled lightly. "Her true love is making money, though. She will never give up on that."

Naraku crossed his arms. "I suppose I don't know much about her now that I think about it."

"Well, there's no better time than now to ask her while she's holding you hostage."

"You...approve of me speaking to her?"

"I approve because it's what she thinks is right and she thinks it's right because of what I've taught her, so, in a way, this is my fault." Maria locked gazes with Naraku again. "And if you ever do anything like that to her again, if you say something even remotely mean to her and I catch wind of it, I'll let Rosa decide what the best course of action concerning you is. Neither of us have a problem going to prison for that."

"I understand." Naraku bowed his head slightly, turning to leave the kitchen. The chatter from upstairs paused momentarily as he ascended the stairs. It resumed when they saw him reach the top. Lily waved to him, Lucy flipped him off just to irritate her sister, and Jade kept her gaze aimed at the game projected onto the wall. Naraku walked to the bedroom without speaking a word.

'I can't sleep, I can't properly workout, I've ruined every good thing in my life - what is next on the agenda? Suicide?' Naraku thought irritably, pulling off his shirt. A warm shower sounded nicer, so he walked into the bathroom and closed the door.

000000

Jade didn't read too terribly far into Naraku's notes before placing the binder down to pace the floor of her bedroom, trying to work off her anxiety and irritation. The worst part for her was reading the parts about herself when he drugged her. He didn't use her name, nor did he give her a fake name; Test Subject One was how he referred to her. That was all she was to him.

'Then, but not now.' she reminded herself, taking a few more deep breaths before sitting back down in her chair to read more. This time, she flipped to a random page from the last half of the notes. She skimmed past a lot of the scientific jargon because her mind wasn't in the mood to make sense of chemistry at the moment. She found a page with shorter words and paused to read.

Kikyou. That word - name - she recognized immediately. Apparently, Naraku had a dream about Kikyou and he was frustrated because it seemed very real to him, but when he woke, reality slapped him across the face.

'Was she a girlfriend? A close friend? What was she to him?' Jade wondered, feeling her face heat up with frustration. 'She was important enough that he used her actual name in these notes instead of, 'Salt Wench,' or whatever the fuck else he would've called me.'

She slammed the binder closed again, standing up to pace her floor once more. It was all but confirmed that Kikyou was dead; that much Jade knew, so she was trying not to be angry with Naraku because losing a friend - or lover - was painful, but if she herself was such a good friend according to him, why did he continue calling her a test subject? Why was she expendable up until a certain point?

'Maybe he has a legitimate reason for stuff and I'm just overthinking it. It's Naraku; why am I upset? The man's fucked up.'

Rather than allow her emotions and mental instability to fill in gaps, Jade decided she wanted to hear his reasons. She marched from her room with the binder tucked under her arm and waited to hear any shuffling around before knocking on Naraku's door. When he opened the door, Jade gave a small, awkward wave.

"Hey," Jade finally said as she exhaled the breath she was holding.

"Hey." he repeated, opening the door wider. He pointed at his binder of notes under her arm. "I assume you have questions."

"Yeah, a lot." she admitted. Naraku nodded and backed away, allowing Jade into the room. She closed the door behind her and walked over to one of the two lounge chairs sitting near the window. Naraku sat in the other and crossed one leg over the other and crossed his arms...then he uncrossed his legs...and then he uncrossed his arms. He fidgeted around in the chair before planting his feet flat on the floor and pressing his arms against the arms of the chair.

'He's really nervous.' Jade noticed, flipping open the binder to a random page and noticing the small tremble in her hands. 'I guess I am, too.' When she looked back at Naraku, he was staring off to the side - perhaps out the window?

"Can you look at me?" The question erupted from her abruptly. She didn't mean to sound so harsh, but he was beginning to drive her nuts. Never did she think she would miss the dark, arrogant, smirking Naraku from the previous summer months. As much of an asshole he was, she could rely on him to be an asshole and to be a fountain of knowledge. Now? She wasn't sure what she would get from him.

"Is that a question or a demand?" His question crept out into the silence cautiously.

"Both."

It took a couple of seconds, but he did finally meet her gaze, though it was obvious how reluctant he was about doing so. She saw his entire body tense up, as if preparing itself for something bad. "Do you want me to stare at you the whole time?"

"No, but some eye contact would be nice."

"I will...do my best." His gaze shifted downward and Jade almost chucked the binder at him.

"Why did you constantly refer to me as a test subject?" she began sharply.

"It was easier to write that than your name." he replied calmly.

"So, you felt bad?"

"I felt bad the moment I saw how sick you were. I remember thinking to myself that I had made a serious mistake. I told myself I was doing it to cover myself, but I knew it was because I couldn't handle what I did."

"Okay." That answer was more honest than she expected. "Can you tell me more about you? A few things I don't know? Something to help me understand why you do the things you do?"

He had no issue making eye contact with her then. He looked bewildered, but he quickly hid the expression with a stoic one. "I'm not exactly sure what to tell you."

"I don't know; what was your favorite thing to do as a kid?"

"The same things I enjoy doing as an adult,"

"Uh, how about the tattoo on your back? Does it mean something?" Jade felt dirty for bringing it up just to confirm her strange hospital dream. It was possible she was bringing horrible memories up just to get answers for something that had nothing to do with her.

His hesitancy to answer told her that it was painful, and just when she thought he couldn't tense up anymore, he did, and he lowered his head. "It's covering a scar."

'Fuck me.' Jade tried to keep a straight face, but now she was convinced something was extremely wrong. How was she able to dream up his memory? What the hell did he drug her with? Where did it come from?

"How did you get it?"

"Please, don't-" He cut himself off to fight off a shiver. "Don't make me relive it."

"I've had to relive everything because of you, so all I'm asking is for you to experience it, too."

"Experience what? Remembering the worst day of your life? Reliving it both while you sleep and while you're awake?" Naraku's tone was now laced with bitterness. It was another side of him she hadn't seen; the most realistic version of himself. "I've done that for ten years. It has nothing to do with why we're here."

"Is it a burn scar?" Jade pressed on, now gripping her hands together powerfully. She didn't want to prod him, but he was being too difficult!

"H-How did you- did Sesshomaru tell you?"

"No. I dreamed about you being in the hospital with a burn injury." she admitted. He looked neither surprised nor pleased about her answer. "Don't bullshit me."

"I wasn't trying to bullshit you." Naraku said softly. Immediately, Jade felt like the lowest piece of shit on the planet. She hurt him...and a very small part of her was glad because he had dragged her through Hell and back, calling her an experiment all along the way. As soon as that gladness filled her, she pushed it away, disgusted with herself. That wasn't how she wanted to be.

"Naraku, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You've done nothing wrong." he answered back.

Jade could hear the unspoken, "I deserve it," lingering in the silence. Massaging her face with both hands, Jade sighed heavily. "I obviously didn't read all of this within a night, so start from the beginning; what is the shit you drugged me with? What has it done? What all have you done with it?"

Naraku started with it being taped to the bottom of his sample box alongside a note, explained how nothing he tried scratched it, melted it, broke it, but blood from a bite wound from his guinea pig caused a reaction. He told her the guinea pig disliked the substance, but when presented the sample he exposed to Jade's blood, the guinea pig acted happy. The crystals that mended her wounds also made her stronger, faster, and while she became those things, Naraku was drained of those things. The experiment he conducted with the spinach leaves and heart tissue was the scariest part for Jade, and had she not remembered what she had done, she wouldn't have believed him.

"The dream I had about your scar," Jade began after a few moments of silence. "There was a cat in my dream, too. It was gray, looked roughed up,"

"Yes. It is likely the dead cat from the biology department."

"Is?"

"The seismologist I contacted said he and a colleague saw a dead deer walking around, and I had no reason not to believe him, but I didn't want to. Long story short, the cat is walking around on campus."

"I...what do I say to that?"

"Fuck you, Naraku?" he suggested.

"No, seriously."

"It bit Sesshomaru."

"What?" Just when she thought she couldn't be blown away anymore, Hurricane Naraku rose to a higher category.

"We fought, I lost control and knocked him out, the cat bit him, and now he's infected, too."

Jade put her head down, lightly tapping her forehead against the open pages of the binder. "Does he know? Why did you do that?"

"He doesn't and I didn't exactly mean for that to happen."

"You're going to tell Sesshomaru, right?"

Naraku frowned, but whatever nasty comment he had ready never came out. "I will if you want me to." he said with a hint of bitterness.

"Oh, you're fucking telling him." Jade insisted, feeling her face flush with her anger. "So, it's possible you could hurt me, too, and have no control?"

"I...don't know. The entire time I've been here, it has been quiet. Before I left my apartment, it made a comment saying it couldn't hurt you directly anymore. It implied it would force me to hurt you, but again, it has been silent."

"It speaks?" Jade closed her eyes for a moment before opening them again. "Anymore? So it's out of my body?"

Naraku shrugged. "It isn't a reliable source, but it would make sense. The crystals made from your blood were all destroyed by the acid, so that may have cut its connection to you somehow. I doubt that is how it works, but this substance resurrected a cat, so I'm not going to fully commit to yes or no answers."

"That's fair. Okay, so I've noticed some things and I'm not sure if you have and you just haven't acknowledged it because it's so obvious, or if you haven't noticed it...somehow. You're not the type to not notice things."

"I'm not perfect."

"That's big coming from you."

"Hm." He sounded annoyed.

"Okay." Jade shook her head and sighed. Guilt-ridden Naraku was far more touchy than she ever thought possible. "So, you didn't drug yourself with the same stuff as me, I don't think. You gave me the stuff made from your blood and you took the stuff made with mine, but you put the mix of the two on your cuts."

"I figured there was no difference except the color. It's common for minerals to have variations in color."

"Yeah, but those variations usually mean a different environment or impurity, right?"

"Yes. I see where you're coming from, but remember, the drop I gave you made you spit up the pink crystal. Purple, pink, the shimmering between the two - it acts all the same."

"I didn't have all the dreams you did, though. I didn't dream about my past. The only dreams I remember having constantly were the ones when I was in the hospital both times."

"You and I aren't the same person."

"Look, all I'm saying is that maybe there is a difference between the colors beside color."

"It's possible, I suppose."

Jade's eyes narrowed. "Are you...okay? I mean, I know you're really upset, but something's off with you."

His head tilted slightly. "How so?"

"You're the smartest person I've ever met. The Naraku I've come to know takes things like that into serious consideration, especially when it comes to his thesis. He would consider this enough of a problem to throw off his data. This would be a huge deal-breaker to him."

"I cannot necessarily start over." Naraku pointed out.

"Also, don't you find it just a little weird that your sponsors are super cool about all of this?" she pushed on. The word, "weird," was putting it softly, in her opinion. Deep down, she wondered if they sent the substance to Naraku with bad intentions.

"I couldn't care less about them." he answered candidly.

"Yeah, that's what I mean. It isn't like you to just...disregard people who have some kind of power over you, especially as much as they do. How do you know they aren't infected or some shit? We have no idea what the fuck this shit is or what it wants, considering it's sentient."

His eyes met hers and were now void of any noticeable emotion. "You're right."

'This fucking guy, I swear.' she thought with exasperation. As soon as the thought came, she inhaled deeply and pulled herself together. The only way to navigate him was with patience.

"Here," she started again, flipping the pages to a spot she did remember reading. "Early on in your notes, you mentioned them often, which makes sense because you need to stay in contact with them to make sure everything goes over smoothly and then you don't mention them again after you drugged yourself. Not in here, at least. You start talking more about your dreams, how sick you were feeling, and now how long you've gone without sleep."

"I've lost the energy to think about everything all the time."

"I think you're giving up." she said in a low voice.

His gaze shifted back to the window. "I haven't."

Ignoring his obvious lie, Jade pressed on. "You've mentioned this girl from your childhood more and more, how much you miss her and regret hurting her. I don't think you realize how much this went from science to sounding almost...suicidal."

The second she said, "girl," Naraku's eyes locked with hers and he didn't look away from her. He didn't answer her, either. With every moment of silence that passed, her heart began to pound against her chest harder. Eventually, he waved his hand dismissively at her.

"There is no need to worry yourself about that." he said plainly. "I know this probably doesn't mean much, but I'm proud of you, Jade."

That caught her off guard. "Uh...why?"

"When you first started working with me, you had absolutely no confidence in your knowledge. If you found a mistake, you tried to talk yourself out of it, thinking that you didn't know enough to notice a mistake. Just now, though, you held your ground and used evidence to back your claims and you haven't doubted yourself once."

"Oh." Jade looked down, trying to sort out her feelings. On one hand, receiving a compliment from Naraku with no sarcasm or negging attached was something she thought impossible, and she appreciated it, but on the other hand, she wondered if he was purposely derailing her from the suicide discussion. "Thank you. It does mean a lot."

'Do I even have the right to call him out if he is suicidal? Having the thoughts doesn't mean he'll do it. He's allowed to have his thoughts and feelings without being judged for them.' Jade had to admit to herself that she was out of her element then.

"We don't have to talk about this right now. You haven't had enough time to completely read all of that."

"I don't think reading all of it will make me understand it any better." Jade said with a heavy sigh. "But maybe you can help me understand you. I've been guessing your motivations, and I seem to be half-right half of the time."

A brief look of shock appeared on his face, but he looked away to regain control over himself. "If that is what you really want,"

She closed the binder and placed it on the floor. "You can ask about me, too. All this time we've spent together and we've never told each other much about ourselves."

"What did your ex-boyfriend do that somehow outranked what I did?" His question was quick and from the tone of his voice, he was sincerely interested.

"Goddamn it, Mama." Jade groaned, lightly rubbing her face with both hands. "I went through a period of time where I put drinking and getting high a little too far up on my priority list. This dude seemed cool and he liked a lot of the same stuff I did, but I didn't immediately catch some of the fucked up shit he would say or I thought he was joking when I did catch it. Koga, Ginta, and Hakkaku sat me down and showed me screencap after screencap of him going around and harassing every dude who even looked at me. I mean, he went after my fans, he went after my friends, and he went after my opponents who shook my hand too long after a match or whatever, and then they started showing me videos and pictures of him flirting with every chick who gave him the time of day. So, I broke up with him and he was blacklisted by most of the video game community."

"I don't understand how that is worse than what I did." Naraku said, staring at her like she was an abstract painting.

"Well, think about it - this guy was my friend for a year before we dated. When we decided we were a couple, he immediately became a little more important than everyone else, so I gave him higher standards. You and I weren't even really friends yet, and I trusted you a tiny bit, but there wasn't much to destroy in the first place. Plus, for me, it's more about how you handled it as opposed to what you did. My asshole ex tried to deny it and when I showed the evidence, he immediately blamed me, saying I didn't give him enough attention and I didn't make him feel wanted. You, on the other hand, seemed to realize you fucked up, and so in your own ways, you tried to make up for it."

"So, because I showed remorse, I became forgivable?"

"That and the effort you put in to change how you treated me." Jade reiterated. "I wish you would have told me earlier, though. I get why you didn't, but from now on, just tell me."

"Would you have forgiven me then?"

"I don't know, but it was the right thing to do regardless." she pointed out. Naraku nodded. "What about you? Any girlfriends or boyfriends?"

"N-No, not...maybe."

"Maybe? Is it the Kikyou girl you wrote about?"

"Yes. I don't know what it was. We never made it official and didn't have many heart-to-heart conversations, but we spent a lot of time together. I went out of my way to help her, please her, and she did the same for me. I suppose you can call that romantic, but it wasn't my intention. I think it was hers, though."

"So, did you guys stop being friends for some reason?" Jade asked, already instinctively knowing the answer.

"She died; I killed her."

"..." Jade's mouth dropped open, but nothing came out. Once again, Naraku took the wheel of the conversation and made a hard left. Jade even pressed her hand to her neck to make sure she didn't actually have whiplash.

"It was an accident." he continued, softening his voice. "I was preparing a surprise for her birthday party. I performed a routine at her sister's party, and she asked me to do the same for hers, so I decided I would make it better. There was an abandoned shack that I used to perform and stash experiments. I...made a mistake in my calculations of how much gas I needed and the shack caught fire. It was such a stupid mistake, too."

"Was she with you?"

"She was inside, but I didn't know. She was hiding. I assume she was trying to see exactly what I had planned for her; she never did like waiting for surprises." Naraku shook his head and Jade could see the tears beginning to build up in his eyes. "I remember thinking...I was lucky to have been far enough away to escape it unharmed when it ignited...and then I heard her shouting my name."

'Oh god.' Jade gripped her mouth with one hand, feeling the sting of her own tears building in her eyes. Naraku suddenly made a great deal of more sense to her.

"I ran back inside immediately and a piece of the support beam from the ceiling fell on me and pinned me down." His eyes closed and he raised his hand to wipe away any tears trying to escape. "The entire time I tried to free myself, I heard her screams, and when I gave up, she had gone silent. The last thing I remember seeing is them laying her body in the grass; I had been found and saved first. I woke up in the hospital a day later."

'That's why he flipped when the fire broke out in the lab.' Jade had both hands cupped over her mouth by then and it was taking everything in her power not to cry. 'I want to hug him, but he wouldn't like it.'

"Naraku, that wasn't your fault." she finally said after swallowing the lump in her throat.

"It was." he insisted. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Okay." Jade picked up the binder and stood from the chair, trying to hold back the rest of her tears after a couple of them escaped down her cheeks. "I'll leave you alone for a bit. I'm sorry."

All Naraku could do was nod.

000000

The in-ground hot tubs behind the guest house were finally empty, though the hour was late. The last set of guests were leaving early in the morning to return to their homes for the holidays, so they decided to sleep instead of party. Naraku wanted nothing more than to leave, too. He didn't belong there. Jade felt differently, though, so while Jade read his notes in bursts, Naraku tried to find different places to escape to for peace and quiet in the meantime. He had his eye on the hot tubs for most of the day and now they were his. Easing down into the warm water, Naraku inhaled deeply, tensing up his body, and releasing the tension as he exhaled.

'I can't believe I once thought Jade was dull and simple.' He was finding out more and more how stupid he truly was and it was painful. How did he make it so far in life and why was he still going?

The tension in his body rose, so he tried his deep breathing exercise again. His body actually felt fine, but something in his head made him think otherwise. Something should be wrong with it, his mind seemed to say. It was a type of confusion and paranoia he hadn't experienced before. Naraku reached behind himself to wake his phone for the time.

'I've been in here for thirty minutes.' No overheating, no shortened breaths, no lightheadedness - something was wrong because nothing was wrong. Naraku decided to stay in longer, to see if he actually could overheat at some point. A thought slithered through the cracks of his mind. 'Could I even kill myself if I wanted to?' Surely he could. His body's resistance and stamina levels were higher, but those couldn't stop asphyxiation or severe and instantaneous physical trauma.

"Hm." His eyes stared at the bubbling surface of the water. Perhaps fully submerging himself would speed up the overheating process. "Only one way to find out," he murmured, grabbing onto the edge of the seat to force himself underwater.

He held his breath for just over a minute before he breached the surface for air. As he thought, his body still had involuntary operations that he couldn't stop. That didn't deter him, though. Multiple submerges were just as effective as a long, unnatural one. If anything, going under over and over would spend more energy. Back under he went, and it lasted about as long as the first time. This time when he came back up for air, he didn't allow himself to take more than a breath before lowering himself again.

'I'm not feeling anything!' he noticed after the fifth time. He started taking shallow breaths, but even then, despite not being able to stay under as long, he wasn't losing energy. His head was clear, he wasn't out of breath, and while he was feeling warm, he wasn't hot. He persisted, thinking that he just had a higher threshold to reach.

"Do I want to know?" Her voice made him cease moving when he surfaced once more, except his hand to push his hair from his face.

Standing in front of him, wrapped in a gray robe and holding a matching towel, was Jade. Her expression looked annoyed at first, but once Naraku blinked a few times, she looked more sad.

"I'm just testing my stamina." he said after a moment of awkward silence.

"That's a weird way of saying, "trying to drown."" she replied evenly. The loud sigh that followed convinced Naraku to keep his mouth shut. "Mind if I join you?"

"No." Naraku sank a little lower in the water.

Jade dropped her robe and towel and slipped out of her flip flops, stepping into the spot across from Naraku. It was the first time he had seen her body. She seemed so...little. She often wore clothing that was too big for her, and wore them in layers during the colder months, so it made her appear to have a bigger frame. Seeing her in a two-piece bathing suit instead of her usual attire was odd to him.

"Do you have any natural hot springs nearby?" Naraku asked, trying to ease the pressure of the air between them.

"Yeah, actually." Jade raised her hands to tighten the bun her hair was pulled into. "Technically not on our property, but there's a couple of trails that lead from our property and pass by some little ones."

"The mountains I grew up in had quite a few of them."

"Our mountains are lame. The two over there to the North are called, "The Tits," basically. That's about as exciting as it gets."

"How original." he replied dryly. He had lost count of how many mountains he saw that were referred to as breasts in some manner.

"Are you okay?" Jade asked suddenly, her concern showing on her face. "I know you don't want to be here, especially after earlier, but I'm scared that if you leave and go home by yourself, you'll hurt yourself. I'm not going to pretend I didn't just watch you try, either."

"You don't need to worry." Naraku insisted, cracking a smile. "I don't think I could, even if I wanted to."

"I've never wanted to slap someone as much as I want to slap you." she admitted in a low voice. "Like, the actual urge I have to reach across right now is-"

Naraku straightened his posture and tilted his head. "Would it make you feel better?"

"Oh my god, Naraku," Jade let out a snort as she rubbed her face with both hands. "Probably not."

"How can you know if you haven't tried?"

"How do you know know you don't like dick? Have you tried dick?"

"I have a dick, so I think I would know."

"That's-" Jade held a finger up, acting as if she had a retort, but she and her confidence deflated after a moment of silence. "You make a good point."

"Indeed. You have two hands and the urge; why not give it a shot?"

"Okay, I realize that until we solve our personal problems with each other, we can't solve this weird jewel juice problem; do you agree?"

'I should have known that trying to deflect the Queen of Deflection was futile.' he thought with annoyance.

"The jewel juice-" Naraku began, imitating her inflections. "-is my problem, not yours."

"Uuuuuh, you signed partial custody over when you put that shit in my drink, bro." Jade reminded him sharply.

"I don't disagree, but I would still prefer that you stay out of it."

"Oh well." Jade shrugged, signaling her indifference to his desires.

Shaking his head, Naraku relented. "You are incredibly stubborn."

"So are you. Now, back to my point of solving our issues before solving that issue; I'm willing to put it behind us. I won't forget it, and I will give you shit for it sometimes, but I'm not going to hold it above your head because I want you to be better - I want you to try to be better - and I don't think punishing you more is going to help that."

"Jade-"

"However," Jade interrupted, holding her finger up to stop him. "Things need to change and if you aren't willing to do any of this, that's fine, we don't have to be friends, and I won't chase you down. It's a two-way street."

"I will...consider these things." he answered carefully.

"I actually do have boundaries and I'm going to try to enforce them more. If I ask you to stop something because it's bothering me, stop."

"Alright."

"You can set boundaries with me, too. If you don't want to talk to me at certain points, or if I'm being annoying - anything that bothers you - tell me and I'll stop."

"You should do whatever you want to me."

"Noooooooo, because that isn't how healthy relationships of any kind work. That's master/slave kind of shit. I don't roll like that."

"Jade, I don't think this is going to work. I barely know how to be a normal person, let alone a friend."

"How long were you friends with Kikyou? Obviously you had something going on or she wouldn't have bothered."

"I don't even know if we were friends; I clearly cannot refer back to any of that because it's a bad selection of-"

"You had something positive with her; end of story." she interrupted. "And believe it or not, I wouldn't be bothering if I didn't think you could do it."

"You're too soft; I'm not even a functional person."

"Well, then, get some help. The university will provide it to you for free since you're a student. Go punch Sesshomaru again and they'll force you to do six more weeks of it."

"I really don't like divulging details of my life to anyone. It was difficult enough with you."

"I take it you've never really had someone you could trust completely." Jade said. Quickly, she added, "I mean, I'm sure you trusted Kikyou."

"I did, but not completely. I questioned her motives even after her death. Truth be told, I questioned your motives for a while, too."

"Really?" Her mouth fell open with shock.

"I didn't mean to offend you."

"No, I'm just shocked. What did you think I was doing?"

"I figured you were using me to further your academic career and to amuse yourself along the way. I was just some asshole that you put up with and nothing more." Naraku explained simply, absentmindedly twirling a strand of his soaked hair between his fingers. "I did briefly assume you were trying to sleep with me, too."

"You're very pretty, Naraku." she said sarcastically. Then, she lightened her tone. "Huh, well, I wasn't sure what I wanted at first, either. I was a little scared of you, and you really got under my skin, but that night when we hot-boxed together, I just...I don't know, I got this lonely vibe from you. Then, when I had that meltdown, and I was on the edge of the building, you saved me. That was the first time I saw you look...alive? You were there, in the moment, not hiding behind anything,"

"That was all my fault. I didn't save you; I nearly killed you."

"Yeah, but you could've just let me fall and no one would've known anything."

"No, I-"

"Shhhh!" Jade interjected sharply, holding her hand up to stop him once more. "You did terrible things, but you also tried to change how you treated me."

"My failed attempts don't make it better." The conversation was going in a circle and he clearly didn't see what she saw...or she saw something that wasn't there to begin with.

"If it had been anyone else, I would've told them to fuck off. I know how hard it was for you to have basic human decency because I'm getting the feeling you weren't taught how to have that in the first place."

"It still isn't an excuse."

"No, but it's an explanation. I don't appreciate or like it, but I understand why you did those things."

"I am so fucking confused right now." Naraku said with a small groan, massaging his head with the tips of his fingers.

"This is called compassion and empathy." Jade said, speaking slowly to get his attention. He wasn't too amused, and it showed on his face with a pout, which made her snicker slightly. "I know these are foreign concepts, especially to Japanese people."

"That's racist." he snipped.

"Unit 731." she retorted while shrugging boldly.

A smirk appeared on his face and he refrained from splashing her. "You make a fair point."

"Don't agree with me! Say some shit back!"

"Like what? You can't break down these walls of mine because you're Mexican?"

A loud laugh burst from Jade, causing her to tear up slightly. "That was good!"

"We get along best when we're slinging racist comments at each other; what does that mean?"

"It means we're friends...right?"

'I can't keep turning her down.' It hurt him to keep seeing the disappointment and exasperation on her face whenever he did and hurting her was something he never wanted to do again if possible. What harm was there in trying if it was what she wanted?

Clearing his throat, Naraku steadily held his hand out to her. "If you will have me, then I will not push the issue anymore."

"See? Was it that hard?" she asked exasperatedly, grasping onto his hand and grinning.

"You have no idea."

"You're right; I don't. Maybe you can help me understand and maybe I can help you understand my position a little more, too."

The tension in his body dissipated and all of the roiling thoughts of being unworthy, of being a monster, and of being nothing were quieted. Naraku was certain that he was staring at her without blinking, too, but he couldn't help it. How could she be so caring?

"What? Did I say something weird?" Jade pulled back slightly and shifted around uncomfortably.

"I'm having a hard time believing you're real right now." he answered, realizing that his breathing felt shallow.

"Dude, you- how long have you been in here?"

His eyes closed and for the first time in weeks, he felt physically and mentally...normal...and excessively hot. "Lost...track."

"Naraku!" Jade shouted, lunging forward to catch him. "Stay awake! I can't dead-lift your ass!"

When his eyes opened again, Jade was hovering over him, tapping his cheek with her finger.

"Jade,"

"You dumbass!" she snapped under her breath, green eyes blazing irritably into his. Naraku looked down his chest and saw that she had mostly pulled him from the hot tub, leaving his legs in the water. She had also thrown her robe over his torso.

"Why didn't you pull me all the way out?"

"Because you can die if you go from one extreme to another! Do you think I don't know that?" Her teeth gnashed together when Naraku began laughing lightly. "What's so funny?"

He forced the laughter away. "I'm not sure, honestly. I think I'm done with the hot tub tonight."

"You think?"

"I am." he corrected, sitting up and handing her robe to her.

They both entered the guest house and Jade led Naraku to the kitchen, turning the light on the lowest setting before opening the fridge. She pulled out two bottles of beer, wiggling them enticingly. Naraku nodded and took one from her, popped off the cap, and followed her into the lounge room.

"Aren't you cold?" she quizzed, her voice barely above a whisper. She plopped down on one of the three large couches and Naraku sat beside her delicately.

"No."

"You're ridiculous." she murmured before taking a sip of beer. "You can leave tomorrow if you want. I don't want little Dab to be alone at the vet for too long."

"Alright."

"Don't fucking ghost me either, Naraku."

"I won't. I promise."

His promise seemed to please her, so he left the conversation at that. The two finished their beers silently.