Chapter 8- No More Truth
The chaos of the night unraveled around Spongebob. Squidward was losing his shit, quite literally too. He was hootin and hollerin' in the officer's arms, but they persisted to hold him down.
"I didn't do it! You have no evidence!" Squidward was repeating, as if it were a mantra. "I didn't do it! You have no evidence!" He said again as he was thrown to the ground to the ground by the cop. Spongebob was confused, and stunned.
"What are you arresting him for?" Spongebob said, as Squidward was violently beaten. Officer Debby took off her cap, and looked at Spongebob.
"Squidward Q. Tennisballs, you are under arrest for the murder of Patrick Star" She looked over to him- withered on the ground like burnt takoyaki. Spongebob ignored Squidward's cries, 'no evidence'.
"Did…. did you kill him?" Squidward was scraped off the ground with a large spatula.
"I would never hurt you…" Squidward could barely say a peep, but those words. Those words caused a boiling in spongebob, he didn't say no. Spongebob cocked his fist- and finished Squiddy off in one punch.
"Now take him away" Spongebob wiped a tear from his eyes. "I never want to see him again" He slammed the pineapple door, shaking the ground in its fury.
"Officer Debra PfishBurg-Scalington-Chowderpham's report" Debby is driving as her voice narrates the scene. "I am heading to the assailant's residence to search for clues" She pulls up at the Squidward manor- lightning strikes in the distance.
"After a first impression- I was overwhelmed with the stench of cheese and desperation."
Debra steps through the kitchen, looking underneath each mug in his cabinet for clues.
"For the first 7 hours I searched the living room and I have found nothing" The house's darkness envelops her, she shines her flashlight at a door. "Until I opened the bolted shut door…."
"Squidward Q. Tennisballs, do you solemnly swear to speak the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth." The court was in session and Squidward was rocking neon orange.
"I do" He removed his tentacle from the bible. The judge tapped the gavel.
"Court is in session quiet down- now. The evidence against Mr. Tennisballs is overwhelming…" He looked over to the defendant. "But- it is true- we have no evidence of Squidward's clarinet usage." The prosecutor flipped his greasy hair back and stood up. He had a comb in his right hand and picked his teeth.
"People of the court. Today in this room we have no fish- we have a monster. I had my doubts...but it's so clear to me now…"
Debby put the pedal to the metal, and the boat sped up. The dark city was enchanting, buzzing with activity, although most of it was crime. She had to get there. There was new evidence, and this evidence would put the trial straight to the end. She slowed for the upcoming turn, and drifted into the next road. It was almost like Mario Kart, her tires were sparking with a blue light, and helped her go even faster. The courthouse was not far now…
"There is no doubt Squiddi Q. Tentacolo is guilty. The clarinet, bones, knife, and other assorted evidence is that clear. The proof is in the pudding!" Murmurs spread through the courtroom, and the judge slammed his gavel down onto the desk.
"That is enough! I will clear this courtroom if you don't stop it!" The judge screamed. The murmurs stopped, and Squidward's handsome lawyer began talking.
"Any claim that our kind sir, Squidward is guilty is simply unfounded." He spoke with such sophistication, a law student at the top of his class during his time, no doubt. "The clarinet is circumstantial, and the bones were clearly dug up from Patrick's grave, desecrating it."
The jury studied Squidward's lawyer, testing his honesty.
Could Squidward really be capable of murder?
The question lingered in the air like pasta on a wall.
Spongebob was forced to testify, as Squidward's close friend and coworker. He had spoken close to nothing with Squidward since his arrest. Spongebob sat alone in a back room waiting to testify. Doubts flooded his mind, he knew he was just going to say what he knew and nothing else. Squidward hadn't told Spongebob of any masterminded plan, but despite that he was still shaking with nerves. "Spongebob Spongegorb Squarepants, are you ready?" The officer shone a bright light in his face.
Spongebob began his testimony "The last time I saw Squidifer Q. Tentacleballs was Septober 1st, 20XX." He took a breath and looked at Squidward for the first time in a while. "When we made love under the mistletoe"
Gasps were heard through the courtroom.
"I first began my sexual relationship with Squidly in the Festivus of XX'" The judge made a disapproving nod. "When he had told me he planned to confess his love to Patrick-"
"Would you please proceed with your statement, and skip the redundancy that is your statement?"
Spongebob nodded at the judge. "I thought he was quite big at first, but once you're all stretched out-"
The judge made a bang with the gavel, "No no no" He shook his head again. "You're grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded!" And with that bit of rabid homophobia Spongebob was forcefully removed from the stand. "We are dismissing the evidence brought by Spongebob Spongegorb Squarepants on grounds of ickiness." He glanced at Officer Debby, "May the prosecution proceed?"
Spongebob was fuming with anger- how could they dismiss such important information! He now walked down the steps of the courthouse, struggling to get his brown leather jacket on. He was in a hurry- for once he was getting ready for a date.
A date with alcoholism.
The bouncer of the Clam Casino once again kicked out Spongegorb, as he was used to by now. He was wobbling to his taxi, unable to keep his hand straight to open the door. He collapsed on the ground- but not unconscious. He couldn't help but think of Squidward- perhaps being jealous of Patrick? Maybe he did want to kill him. The clarinet… The bones… The proof…
He picked himself up, and wobbled a different direction for once. He wobbled towards the truth.
Squidward Q. Tentacles sat quietly in his cell- happy actually. He was content with his newfound peace. A clank disturbed all that, when a guard insisted he exit the cell. He obediently followed, past all the jail cells, past the exit and now past- the interrogation room. Sadly for him, this was his stop. Officer Debby sat at an empty table with 2 chairs. The door was slammed behind him. Officer Debby smiles. "Welcome Squidathon, we have been awaiting you."
The cab ride was agonizing. Spongebob could taste something was not right, taste it like his favorite gin. The boat eventually surged to a stop, creaking all along the way. He had made it. He had made it to Tentacle Acres.
Tentacle Acres...was deserted. There was not a squid in sight. An eerie breeze blew between all the identical houses, but there was the faintest sound of a clarinet playing. Its tune tingled Spongeborg's ears. There was only Spongebob in this once populated town.
Spongebob turned a corner, closer to the sounds of the music, closer to the truth.It would soon be his. There lied a corruption in Bikini Bottom, and the judge instilled doubt in him. It was all too convenient for Squidward to take the fall...the circumstantial evidence, the bones, the homophobia.
But, instead of truth he found bodies. It was terrible. There was ink everywhere. He didn't know where the blood ended and the ink began. And in the middle, was Squilliam.
"Hello Spongebob. I was wondering when you were going to show up."
