Tris POV

Chapter song : I like me better by Lauv)

I wake up to an empty bed and wrinkled sheets, Sigh into the empty space. Last night was... Amazing but he left. Like I expected. Neither of us ever promised this to be... permanent but my heart would not accept.

I knew it was my choice and Four was just being Four. So I couldn't blame him. But thoughts kept creeping in.

Was it the same for him with other girls? He just... left. After all that staring. All those looks and touches.

I sat up and tangled my hands in my hair stretched out my arms ready to pick up my bra off the ground. It wasn't like anyone was there, right?

As soon as I bent down. I heard the bathroom door knob turn.

My heart skips a beat. He stayed. Or is it him. All that night was a dream or an illusion. I just lost my virginity to some random guy.

Stepping out was a Greek God... A literal Greek God. Woah. How can someone be so perfect. Four had a towel in his hand and sweatpants on.

Only sweat pants.

My breath hitched and my body reacted in a million ridiculous ways as I gawked at him. My eyes wander to places, the dips and crevices of his perfectly sculpted body. It seems like Michaelangelo's model for his David stood here. Right in front of me. As soon as I noticed something red along his sides, he backed up into the bathroom again and locked the door. I realised that I had no clothes on.

I was naked. Completely naked. In bed. And God he saw me in the broad daylight.

I yelped as I picked up the sheets to cover my abdomen. And I could hear him cursing from behind the door.

Of course. What was I thinking trusting him. He must've seen hundreds of girls naked before. I was nothing special but I never expected him to regret and curse after seeing me like that. Of course. Things never go by your expectations, do they.

... To be honest, it hurt so bad. As a weight settled upon my chest as my thoughts were cut off...

followed by a muffled voice

"Tris could you pass me the shirt on the floor."

I looked up to realise the shirt lying on the floor. I picked up my bra, put it on and wrapped the sheets around me completely. I walked up and handed him the shirt through the small crack of the door.

I started looking for my dress as I wanted to get dressed before he came out again to curse at my naked sight.

As I wandered towards the other end of the room. I heard the door open again and a dressed Four enter the room.

Chills pepper my spine as air hits my naked back. I turn around with a jerk to face him. He is just looking at me. Not so intense but intense enough to make me conscious. And I pull the sheet up higher. He looks into my eyes. A fear settles within me. Would it be awkward? No. Fuck.

He says, "sorry Tris I... Uh was just taking a shower and I left my shirt on the floor, I thought you wouldn't be up until late and-"

"It's ok", I say to cut of his sentence, "that's not an issue".

I helplessly look around. And to avert my eyes from his.

"ummm...I just put your dress on there, right there on the chair... But I thought that you might want something more comfortable so here..." Four turns around to open Zeke's closet and grabs a sweatshirt.

"um... Wouldn't he know... I. Mean can you just take it from there."

God this is so awkward.

"Actually... this is mine. I just keep some stuff at Zeke's just in case if I plan on staying over.", he walks towards me with the sweatshirt in hand as I clutched the sheets tighter.

"It will be too big on you, so... shorts or sweatpants?"

He stops in front of me and stares at me. The sweat shirt extended towards me looking into my eyes.

I bite my lip nervously as I will him to understand that if I move my hand the sheet will fall off.

His eyes flit down to my lips and then to my almost white knuckles clenching the sheets and a frown descends upon his beautiful face.

"Are you okay Tris? . Why are your knuckles so tight around the sheets."

I whip my head to the side to not let him see the brimming tears in my eyes.

"Yeah I just need ummmm some privacy to uh chan-"

Then I feel hands grab my chin gently and his beautiful face comes back into my view.

One tear slips out as his frown deepens.

"Baby why are you crying? Are you okay.", he whispers.

Holy crap.

"Four its nothing just-... Nothing", I blabber something out.

"I am not turning away until you tell me... Did I ..", he stutters

"did I do something... um wrong?"

There's a panic in his voice and a weird fear in his eyes as he speaks.

Oh no, he thinks that its his fault. Do something damn it.

My stupid tears and feelings. I was supposed to get him out of my head.

"No Four, it's not you. In fact you were amazing... And um its just that you have had so much experience and you were really showing off some skills yesterday and I... Um I... I hope I... Um met your..." I speak fast. Trying to avoid his eyes but failing.

Some kind of realisation dawns upon him as his eyes widen. He stands there shocked for a moment but recovers just as quickly.

His hands move slowly towards my knuckles and my hand relaxes against his.. He turns over one of my hands as half the sheet falls. His eyes constantly on mine.

I could feel my breath quickening. In such a case, I usually would have had a panic attack but... I dont know what was different here. The racing breath was not panic, it was... Some kind of flutter?

I feel his fingers interlaced one of my hands and he stares into my soul.

He closes his hand around mine and raises his other hand to completely pull the sheet down... Slow and steady.

Ughhhhh why does he have to look at me like that... How can one not love that gaze. As if you're the only one person in the world. We often think and assume that people are not capable of loving unless you actually experience it. I thought so about Four. Everything had always been about him. But since last night, he has been not more than a surprise to me, a constant surprise. Every action. Every look. Every touch. A part of me wants to forget it all, forget him. Because I know my heart is going to break. But a part of me wants to give him a chance. A chance to discover me with Meon my journey.

I have always suppressed feelings, afraid of the consequences and the repercussions. I have never had the courage to face old memories. They come back... Each time. And haunt me. Eat me up. Eat up my being a bit each time.

As the sheets completely fall off my hands cross over my chest as a reflex.

Four never breaks the gaze but gently pulls my hands away.

"Tris..." his voice is hoarse and cracky as fuck.

He breathes and gulps as his Adams apple bobs.

"Do you trust me?" he whispers.

"Wha... What"

"Tris just for once please. This is so important. Do you trust me or not?" I hear his voice cutting through my extremely aware attentive body.

"Yes,... I do" I whisper out.

He steps closer to me and my breast touch his shirt clad chest.

"Turn around", he whispers.

I turn around with a waver as I am actually complete turned in right now and my u heart stops beating when he presses his chest to my back. I feel his breath on the side of my face and his cheek touches the side of my head.

I feel him breathe deeply and he turns his head to the side whispering into my ear.

"You... Honey are gorgeous, beautiful, smart... and absolutely breathtaking." he whispers into my ear.

And i think i just died of holding my breath in for so long.

I swear if i die today, the reason would be this man right here. I wanted to stop my heart. Tell it to go a little slower but... He just wouldnt let it.

I smiled as his fingers fid mine and he places them onto my hips... Along with his larger hand covering mine on both sides he glides our hands along my curve and stops when he reaches the lower strap of my bra.

"you feel that" he continues in his intoxicating voice. "You're so beautiful Tris, don't you ever think the opposite. Last night was..." he lowers his voice even more of that was even possible and his beautiful deep voice radiates waves through my body... Waves of pleasure.

" the best night i could ever have. You Tris Prior, never ever will stop being beautiful. Inside and out... For me."

No one has ever ever said this to me. And my eyes sting with the overwhelming feeling... Feeling of being... Loved?

He continues" you don't even know what you do to me every time you even cross my mind".

I smile and tilt my head to look at him behind me. Our eyes meet and i whisper, "What do i do?"

He pushes his lower half to my butt slowly and i can't help gasping outas I feel a large bump behind me. He pushes deeper and kisses my neck.

"See that... This thingy down here... it doesn't know how to lie. So you my dear..."

He turns me around in his arms. Grabs my face and stares into my soul.

"need to understand that you are incredibly beautiful and elegant." he Stas with a nod.

I smile at him while I bite my lip and kiss him on the cheek.

"Thank you Four. Last night was truly amazing. "

His fingers glide across my lips as he says" Stop doing that. I can't handle this."

He chuckles. I was... falling for him. He was a good guy.

" okay now get dressed. I'll get us some coffee on teh way home. "

With that, he leaves me hanging, hanging onto his words, his beautiful smell and his beautiful smile, his beautiful touch...

Oh god stop it! You promised yourself bit.

I get my sweatshirt on as Four starts looking for something in the closet.

I turn to the bed pulling out the sheets as they were ruined by our... Umm activities last night.

I stopped short and all colour drained out of me as I was pulling it apart. Hearing my panicking breath Four snaps his head towards me.

"What was that",... Tris? "

"What the hell is tha--" he comes behind me.

A red spot stares back at us from the green sheets. Red. What can it be. There wasn't even a need to think. I knew.

I wasn't a virgin anymore. I can't let Four know this. No.

"Tris.. Is that." he says. "Are you okay?"

I know I am being dumb. It was my decision. I can pose that I am on my period. "Four I- um... I am on my... Um per-"

He stares at me in shock. "No this is not your period blood Tris".

"eh-what. Wh- what are you talking about I know. Its my business.", I answer rudely just to lay him off.

"No Tris you were sleeping on the other side of the bed whole night. How can this possibly come here? You are not telling me something! God... It can't be." he says.

His eyes hold... Fear? Half the time I can't understand his feelings. And now he is fucking giving me mixed signals.

My heart tells me he knows it. The reason or has at least guessed it. But... my mind. It doesn't want to accept.

"Wha-at are you say-ing Four?", my voice wavers.

"Tris... Fuck." he sits down at the edge of the bed, pulling me beside him. His hands on both sides of my face.

I feel red, warm, hot with embarrassment. Embarrassed of my own lies. Lies that I had been feeding all around.

"Come on." he says with a tired sigh.

I look down, avoiding his eyes. Avoiding the subject. "You have to tell me"

At my silence he kisses me gently on my lips "Babe".

"It was my... first." I start... Fear in my chest, "with... You" I stare into his eyes.

This is it. It's all over. I've said it.

He looks away. Turns and faces ahead, staring at the closed doors. He sighs.

Silence.

Deep burning silence is all I am met with. As of the world around me had collapsed and I was alone here in this room.

"Was I- " I hear his whisper "Was I rough?"

"No"

He closes his eyes in some sort of relief.

He still doesn't look at me. As if he were ashamed of himself. He should be the proud one. He gets to add my name to his already existing trophy case.

Instead, I hear... Guilt.

"This is so fucked up Tris. If you had told me. I would have just never. At least I would have been gentle." he says.

"Four, you were incredibly gentle. It was... amazing" I keep a hand on his arm.

" You deserve so much more... First time is supposed to be. Special. Someone you trust. To take care of you just not any random guy who passes you in the party"

"You did Four." i want him to face me. Head on.

He huffs out a sarcastic laugh, "What just fuck you, senseless. Without any feeling. I was not supposed to be your first." finally his eyes shift to mine.

I shift to face him. "Four stop with your crap. It was my decision, okay. And you took care of me. I trust you." I don't let him move his eyes away.

"If it was another guy, you would've"... " he starts.

"Great you too believe that I am a slut." I huff. Its too late, I can't undo my reputation.

"Fuck no, why does every conversation between us has to end up into a fight?" his voice raising. He sighs. "Okay I am seriously confused here"

"So everybody else was lying? The other... guys" he doesn't meet my eye.

"I made them lie. Those guys were my choice. I used to make sure they were drunk enough to not remember the next day. Undressing each other is the farthest I've gone. Not more than that." I say.

He has been constantly staring at me while I speak. So I look at him.

"Why do you this Tris.. "he continues shaking his head.

"Fuck you Four. Its none of your business. There is a reason I don't want to share. Fuck off. I have a reputation to hold. Clearly I did a good job." I say looking at him.

"Are you crazy. How the Fuck would I know that all that was a lie if you never even talked to me." he says.

"okay sorry." I sigh. "But if you think that last night was a mistake. I am so sorry Four. It doesn't have to mean anything. I dont want our friends to find out." i say.

"I would never call that a mistake. But neither do I want them to know. He says.

"Would Zeke be asleep?" I ask.

"Yeah he was passed out pretty bad last night. It would be safe." he says.

"Okay then." I stand up. I give him my hand and he stands up. Towering over me. He smiles.

I smile back. I lean up a bit and whisper into his ears, "Thank you for last night Mr. Eaton." lingering for a minute. I pull away and take the sheet with me to brush it off in the bathroom. Once we are done we neaten up the room and get ready to sneak out.

I see Four standing near the door,he extends his hands." cmon we have sneaky." I happily oblige as he whisks me away towards the main door. We get into his car and we pick up our coffees from Starbucks.

As we come to a halt at my driveway. He sighs at the wheel. "This is it."he looks at me. I pick up my Starbucks and get out of the car. When I don't hear the engine roar again. I look back. He is sitting with his head into the wheel. His eyes closed.

I decide to walk up to the drivers side. Knock on the closed windows. Catch his attention and am met by a puzzled Four face. He pulls his window down for me to speak. I stare at this wonderful beauty for a second. Lean in and kiss his cheek. I linger for a moment... because I... Just wanted to.

I kiss him again at teh corner of his mouth, half of cheek and half on lips. "Bye Four" I give him one last smile and move away for him to drive. When he doesn't. "Get back to your bedroom"

"I can beat up some guys" i say half laughing.

"Tris"

"Okay okay going" I smile as I leave.

As i enter teh house and lock the door. I hear his engine roar and him driving away. I press my back to the door and smile to myself.

I really did make the right decision, right?


(AN : Hey guys! Here you go a new chapter! This story is going to get intense. Should I change the rating to M?)