AN:
HI GUYS, THANK YOU FOR READING, REVIEWING AND FOLLOWING AND FAVORITING :) MEANS A LOT. :)
THANKS TO UMBRELLA0326 AND GARETHGLEE14 FOR HELPING ME FINISH THIS CHAPTER. :) COULD NOT HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU GUYS! LUV YA!
5 FAVORITES! 6 FOLLOWERS YAY!
OK ON TO THE STORY. THIS IS A FLASHBACK CHAPTER FIVE WEEKS BEFORE SEBASTIAN BECAME PREGNANT. THIS CHAPTER EXPLAINS WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN DAVE AND SEBASTIAN AND WHY HE RAN AWAY LAST CHAPTER. THIS CHAPTER WAS DIFFICULT AND SAD TO WRITE. :(
ITS NOT PRETTY AT ALL. :(
WARNING: SEBASTIAN IS A JERK HERE AND THERE IS A REASON FOR THIS. PLEASE DON'T HATE ME. REMEMBER THIS IS THE PAST AND SEBASTIAN WILL NO LONGER BE THIS PERSON. ANOTHER WARNING: A BRIEF SEX SCENE IN THE BEGINNING. NOTHING GRAPHIC BUT THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW. NEVER WROTE A SEX SCENE BEFORE, HOPE I DID OK? LOL :)
KURT AND BLAINE ARE BRIEFLY MENTIONED. DON'T WORRY THEY WILL MAKE AN OFFICIAL APPEARANCE SOON :).
WITH THAT, I HOPE U ENJOY. PLEASE REVIEW, PLEASE BE KIND. HAVE A NICE DAY!-ILOVESOMEGLEEX3
Chapter 4
( Five Weeks Before Sebastian Became Pregnant)
"Dave!" Sebastian screamed out Dave Karofsky's name passionately one last time as he and his boy- lover collapse together on Sebastian's bed. Both clearly naked and breathing heavily and exhausted after finishing another round of "making love" as Dave would fondly put it. Sebastian would just roll his eyes.
He DIDN'T DO LOVE even if he cared about Dave and he wasn't like Sebastian's other sexual partner. No "emotional attachments" is the way Sebastian Smythe has ALWAYS lived his life, he WASN'T gonna change for anyone.
Dave could call this - whatever they were "making love" doesn't mean its true.
They weren't even a serious relationship although Dave wanted more... Sebastian called the shots, and ALL he wanted was sex... Or so he repeatedly told himself.
So that's ALL they did. Sex. For the past seven months there "relationship" was purely physical and secretive. Both understood but that's not what both wanted.
One wanted MORE... while the other was struggling to figure out what the hell he wanted.
Sebastian LOVED sex with Dave. The way Dave would take control always turned the Warbler on to no end. Dave was an AMAZING lover, probably the best Sebastian ever had. And Sebastian has had A LOT of lovers so he knew what he was talking about.
Dave KNEW everything about Sebastian's body.
He JUST KNEW HIM....
BUT Sebastian wasn't falling in love... Even now staring into Dave's beautiful hazel eyes, they way the late sun shone on them, making them appear brighter almost angel- like...
NO SEBASTIAN DEFITENLY WASN'T FALLING IN LOVE. He couldn't...
He realized then and there he HAD to do something about this. He had this realization for a while now but he was just in denial, not anymore he wasn't. This, whatever this arrangement truly was couldn't continue. Sebastian was afraid of this. Dave was getting too attached – OR so he told himself that that's what the problem was. It was just easier to blame someone else.
This was supposed to be about sex. Nothing more, so why did Sebastian's heart feel torn as he realized what HAD TO BE DONE...
He ALMOST regretted what he was about to do, as he stared at Dave's smile, neither speaking just enjoying the late afternoon in bed. He continued the fight in his head that this was a mistake, ALL OF IT, The sneaking around because Dave isn't even yet out and Sebastian stupidly agreeing to it because he was horny. Sebastian quickly snapped out of it ready to do one of the hardest things he ever had to- break someone's heart. Not just ANYONE – Dave's heart. He didn't deserve it, but Sebastian knew that if this continued, one of them would end up getting hurt.
He didn't want that to be him.
"Hey you ok?" Dave softly whispers in Sebastian's ear, holding him closer to his bare chest. Dave sensed Sebastian's tension and wanted to comfort him.
He pulled the smaller boy closer to him, wrapping his arms around Sebastian's body. This action made Sebastian feel so safe and warm. He also felt disgusted that he wished their situation were different.
Sebastian was so close that he could hear Dave's heartbeat in his chest. Slow and steady heartbeats convinced Sebastian that Dave was relaxed, happy and content.
Sebastian briefly closed his eyes and focused on the beats before reopening his tear-rimmed eyes. The way Dave was comforting Sebastian, was breaking his heart way too much. He NEEDED to get away and rip off the band-aid. This was best for both. Sebastian had to convince himself of this.
To make it easier for his own heartache.
Dave will thank me later. Sebastian sadly thought to himself.
"I don't think I can do this anymore." Sebastian sighed, pulling away from Dave.
He was NOT gonna cry. He had to be strong.
Sebastian gets up out of Dave's hold quickly and finds his shirt on the floor and puts it on. Ignoring Dave's stares, he couldn't look at Dave.
Not now.
But Sebastian could feel Dave's eyes on him.
As he was putting on his pants Sebastian could feel Dave's intense stare burning through his soul.
"What do you mean?" Dave asked a confused, puzzled look grew on his face. He suddenly sits up in Sebastian's bed very confused as to what was going on. He thought they were fine.
He thought wrong.
"You know exactly what I mean. I can't be anybody's secret." Sebastian forced those words to come out. A huge lump in his throat.
His hands were trembling and so was his entire body as he struggled but successfully but got fully dressed.
"You agreed to this." Dave said. "You know I am not ready to come out."
"Will you ever be ready?" Sebastian asked Dave finally having the courage to turn around and face directly into the jocks' confused torn scared eyes.
The look on Dave's face said it all - sad, watered eyes. Cold, harsh, almost bruising fear. In one word: shock. He clearly wasn't ready to be out.
"I guess not. We are done." Sebastian grew stronger.
He could do this – blame this on Dave being on the closet. Dave would never have to know any other real reason.
"But... Bas..." Dave choked out on the verge of tears. He tries to put his hand on Sebastian's shoulder but the Warbler aggressively shrugged him off. The wounded look that Dave had was TOO MUCH for Sebastian.
He had to look away again.
How can you do this? You KNOW he's IN LOVE WITH YOU. Sebastian fought those thoughts down. He couldn't think about that.
He knew Dave had STRONG feelings for the Warbler.
He knew... And it broke him.
Something suddenly BROKE and Sebastian couldn't take it any longer.
He suddenly grew cold. He had to.
"Get dressed. Now. Then we will talk." Sebastian said with authority. His voice no longer shaky. He was the old cold hearted Sebastian Smythe again. And he wasn't sure if that was good or bad this thing. This really was for the best.
Dave said nothing and did as he was told.
He took a second before getting dressed and just stared at Sebastian as if he didn't know him anymore, which was CRAZY to Dave because if ANYONE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD knew the real Sebastian Smythe, that person would be Dave Karofsky.
Dave was the only person who saw through the Warbler's tough, snarky attitude.
To everyone Sebastian was an egotistical slut that fucked any man that had a pulse.
But Dave knew better. He saw a side to Sebastian that he hardly lets anyone see.
To Dave, Sebastian was funny, sweet (when he wanted to be) and a really cool guy to be around. Sebastian could fool everyone else. Dave saw through that entire tough exterior and thought Sebastian was the BRAVEST guy he ever met.
It was one of the reasons why he fell for Sebastian in the first place.
He was sure he deserved better than something physical and not emotional but then again Dave didn't care that Sebastian didn't do "emotional attachments" which was complete crap to Dave. He didn't care. He was in love. He WANTED Sebastian.
Even if Sebastian didn't feel the same way.
Dave KNEW what this was when THEY agreed to sleep together all those months ago.
But Dave couldn't help it. He FELL IN LOVE AND MADE HIS FEELINGS KNOWN.
Maybe that was the jock's mistake? Maybe he got too emotionally attached to someone that could possibly never change or love him back.
Dave knew Sebastian had a CERTAIN reputation for being with other guys and usually dumping them after he was done using them.
He was surprised at first that he lasted this long with the Warbler.
Now he knew the real reason why they lasted so long. Even if Sebastian couldn't or didn't want to admit. Dave KNEW that Sebastian had feelings for him too and was just as scared as Dave was. But Dave knew better than to push Sebastian on the matter, so he left it alone.
No one said anything, as Dave FINALLY got dressed putting on the last piece of his clothing – his McKinley letterman jacket. His mind was a pacing so fast. He didn't want this to end – whatever this was.
He'd like to think of it as a relationship. At least in Dave's mind it was. But Dave knows Sebastian is right. They couldn't do this. He COULDN'T do this. But he wasn't READY for the world to know him. His life. It wasn't fair of Sebastian to PRESSURE…when he wasn't ready.
He no longer was a bully or harassing Kurt or anyone and he was glad he changed but STILL... Letting the world know he is gay. OUT OF THE QUESTION. He WASN'T ready for people's reaction.
All the HATE he knew will happen if did come out. In short Dave was TERRIFIED. He wished he could be as brave and open and honest like Kurt or Sebastian or HELL even Blaine but he wasn't. And this tore him up inside everyday.
No one continued to say anything as time seemed to freeze and the air became thick and suffocating.
The room was UNBEARABLY quiet.
Sebastian took the bull by the horns and spoke.
Dave stood up arms, away from Sebastian staring at nothing. Not focusing on anything. He tried to hide tears so Sebastian couldn't see him.
"Dave- I..-" Sebastian was cut off when Dave turned and interrupted him. Tears rimmed his eyes. Dave didn't give a shit. He was hurt. He HAD to let Sebastian know how much this was affecting him. Deep down Dave hoped that Sebastian would change his mind about this whole thing.
Dave knew that was a lost cause though.
"Why Sebastian? Why after all this time? You know HOW I FEEL! SO WHY KEEP SLEEPING WITH ME? KNOWING MY FEELINGS. WHY ARE YOU REALLY DOING THIS? I DESERVE THE TRUTH! ANSWER ME!" Dave nearly shouted as Sebastian cowered for just a second but regained his composure. Dave was kind of scary when he was upset.
He had every right to be. I'm such an asshole Sebastian thinks.
"Sex isn't love." Sebastian whispered.
Dave blinked.
"I know it isn't…but still…I…I love-"
"Well, I don't!"
Sebastian turned away and left a dumbstruck Dave in the room.
Almost immediately, his eyebrows furrowed and he tugged his letterman coat tighter around his shoulders.
Determinedly, he strode after Sebastian Smythe.
Sebastian's lips had just begun to quiver when he heard Dave's loud, thudding steps hot on his heels.
Sebastian put his game face back on and spun around, just as they were nearing the front door.
"So, that's it?" Dave asked.
"I don't get a say?!"
Sebastian saw the hurt in Dave's eyes and hated it.
He saw Dave's massive shoulders in that coat and hated it. He saw…EVERYTHING. And hated it all.
Hate. Hate. Hate.
"I'm afraid…" And then, Sebastian grew cold again.
"No. Go."
Sebastian reached for the door but Dave grabbed his hand.
Sebastian tried to pull back, but Dave easily had a hold of it and violently pulled the snarky brat to his chest!
"Dammit, I love you!" Dave roared, eyes blazing with hurt, passionate fury.
"I…I love-"
"But I don't…Dave." Sebastian whispered, trying not to look at the jock in the eye.
"I…don't."
Dave studied Sebastian's face. Sebastian turned away, not wanting Dave to see anything or do anything or keep talking or ANYTHING ELSE! Suddenly, Sebastian exploded.
"Just go you fucking closeted jock! GO!" He slammed the door open and did his best to shove the offensive lineman out the door.
Dave let himself be slowly pushed, a tear threatening to fall.
Finally, Dave was pushed to the threshold of the door and suddenly, he stood erect, causing Sebastian to lose his balance.
He regained his composure relatively quickly and eyes met. Dave watched Sebastian's eyes for one full second.
"You're so full of shit, Smythe."
And before the snarky brat could say anything, Dave turned, left, and slammed the door shut. The echoes of the door died away as quickly as Dave left.
And that's when Sebastian collapsed onto the floor, cradled on his side in the fetal position.
He was convinced he'd made the right decision.
Or he convinced himself.
Sometimes, there's no difference.
AN: SO WHAT DO YOU ALL THINK? PLEASE REVIEW. IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS, LET ME KNOW. HAVE A NICE DAY!-ILOVESMESOMEGLEEX3
