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Chapter 35: Forgive Me
The night was quiet and all that stirred was the atmosphere between them. A force that Rin could not see nor explain—the only proof was the rapid beating of her heart. Sesshoumaru-sama maintained eye contact, something that she, as a Geisha, was unused to doing. She shifted her eyes to his clavicles, exposed and prominent from the gap in his silk kimono.
The silence was stifling.
"If I may ask… how long have I been here?" she whispered, anxiously taking care to readjust the V-opening in her own yukata so that it mimicked a more modest fashion.
"I retrieved you from Kodachi last night," he answered.
She nodded. At least time hadn't escaped her as much as she thought. Her sisters and mothers must be worried sick.
"What about Kaede-obaa-sama? Does she know where I am?"
Sesshoumaru closed his eyes, seemingly annoyed with her, but she couldn't bring herself to care.
"I sent a messenger this morning with an explanation for your absence. I would assume he has returned by now."
She let out a sigh of relief. As long as they know she didn't run away, Rin would have shelter and food to return to after Sesshoumaru-sama released her. Was she technically his prisoner?
"I'm sorry, if I may ask one more question," she breathed, looking up to try and analyze his patience—which seemed to be holding steady. After a moment without response, she asked, "How long do you intend to keep me here?"
A slight upturn of his lip sent a chill down her spine, but it quickly faded. "You say it as if I brought you here against your will."
I probably wouldn't have said yes if I were conscious… Rin thought as she opened her mouth, but quickly bit her tongue. That would be cruel to say. After all, it seemed as if Sesshoumaru-sama actually did care about her state of being—at least, at this particular moment. She eyed the half-eaten food from earlier in the day, cold and resting upon the tiny, immaculate table at her bedside.
"I just don't understand," she muttered the best response she could think to offer.
After everything you said. After everything you did, why would you bring me here? She thought about that night. Her vision blurred as tears lined her lashes, but she refused to let them fall. Although surely, Sesshoumaru could scent them.
The light caught the outlines of his body as he moved, clearing the edges of bed, and standing at her side. Rin's legs subconsciously curled farther into her body as he towered over her. He sat beside her, and the feather-filled fabric depressed under his weight. His eyes traveled along the most painful of places of her neck and arms—most likely studying the worst of the bruises and lacerations that were readily exposed.
His hand shot out and grabbed her wrist. A gasp slipped through her lips at the movement, her lungs tightening. She expected his hold to hurt, but it was surprisingly gentle.
"Let go," he quietly commanded. It took a moment to register what he meant—her hand was still white-knuckling the sheets—and she did.
Sesshoumaru pushed back the sleeve of her cotton yukata, and further analyzed the bruises that his own fingers had left behind.
Rin blushed as they both sat troubled in that moment. The light-blue hue of Sesshoumaru-sama's silver hair shimmered as the leaves dragged the window beyond him, interrupting the moonlight. His face was subjected to shadow, the only hint of color that remained was in the swirling pools of his downcast eyes. What could he be thinking?
He slowly set her hand back on the bed, his gaze remaining fixed on it even as he spoke. "All of your afflictions…" The octaves were soft, almost melodic. "...were they from that night?"
Rin's lips quivered as she clenched her fist. She didn't have to say anything. He knew. If not before, than in the tightening of her muscles. He turned his head away and stood, making for the door. Rin reluctantly exhaled and relaxed her body, trying not to think about it. He had done something horrible that night. Something that took him getting drunk to do. He probably had intended to kill her then, and she acted in ways careless to that fact.
With everything that had happened, she didn't care what became of her then.
The dark veil of reality draped across her vision as she watched Sesshoumaru open the shoji door. No, after everything, it would be better for everyone if she died—especially herself. Now that the money from her mizuage had hit Kodachi, not even her continued patronage would be needed to fuel the Okiya. Kagome or Cesaria-onee-san could take over its affairs for the housemothers. Someone—anyone—stronger and more loyal than her should have that responsibility.
"Rin," Sesshoumaru called from the front of the room. The shock of her name on his lips broke her thoughts. He'd only said her name a handful of times since she'd known him. His form was still turned from her, the door ajar—his claws digging into and splintering the edge of it.
He sighed a ragged breath. "Forgive me... for what I have done to you."
Rin's body froze and her heart plummeted to her stomach. Did he—?
His grip on the door loosened only once the wood rotted into ash from its venom. For a moment he stood there, idle, until he turned just enough so that she could capture his peripheral gaze.
"For the time being, I need you to reside here…," his voice was calm, though demanding. "...the only request I will make is that you recover. Aside from that, you are free to do as you please."
Rin inhaled sharply as he swiftly closed the door behind him, not even allowing enough time for her response.
Sesshoumaru-sama, Lord of the West, who was known for his immense pride…
...had just apologized to her, a human.
Rin spent a lot of time thinking about him and what he said, what he meant. When he allowed her to "do as she pleased," without responsibilities, she never anticipated that she would get lonely.
It had been a trying couple of months, ones leaving her thinking she hated humans and demons alike for what they expected of her. So why was the utter lack of company so difficult to adjust to?
She placed a hand on the polished frame of her room's window. Strength pulsed through her more, day after day. She could feel it in her arms and in her fingers as she stroked the smooth, and beveled sill. Below her, the dog demon guards with their spears and armor, kneeled to the ground. In between them, Sesshoumaru-sama strode into the courtyard. Her breathing hitched as she focused on his form. Following the new Lord of the West were several officials, talking with him and hunched in a constant state of half-bows. As always, Sesshoumaru-sama was beautiful; scandalous by his regal appearance alone. His only flaw...was how tainted he was in her own eyes.
Surrounded by flowers, greenery, and the beauty of this world—his world, she remembered the feelings she held for the demon. But could she even say she still had them?
After all, it would be deranged of her, after everything that happened… after everything that he had done and said… to still think that she still loved him.
Bitterness washed over her face, and sadness formed. She was the product of loss. Rin had lost everything. And she realized that she had a knack for latching onto anything that latched onto her. In this case, a demon with a history of loathing her; a demon who sought her death as much as he sought her life.
After everything that you did, how could I possibly love you? she thought, tears brimming.
As the tears welled, Sesshoumaru hesitated in his stride below and turned slightly in her direction. He glanced up at her with narrowed, yet unreadable, amber eyes.
She cursed beneath her breath. He must have smelled her. Quickly, she broke their brief eye contact and walked to the bed.
It had been four days since she saw Sesshoumaru-sama. Since that night he apologized for what he did. And all four of those days she did the best she could to eat everything when Jaken-sama and the servants would bring her food. Each meal was different, and each was new. They must have been keeping tabs on her personal tastes also, for when she would leave things untouched—such as pickled cabbage, a reminder of her impoverished youth with Kohaku—they would not bring it again.
Rin dropped onto the bed, albeit reluctantly. It was hollow and now free of comfort since it had been commanding the length of her days like a cage. She was sick of these four walls, sick of the circular window… sick of being alone. Everything within her was yearning to get out of the room; out of the castle.
She sighed.
It felt nice. To yearn for something again. But every time she would get to this moment, she would think of Kohaku and of Izayoi-sama, and her face would fall, darkness threatening to excavate her motivations time and time again.
Rin lifted an arm and studied her bruises to evade the horrid feeling. The purplish skin had reverted to a light yellow-green, and the pains in her pelvis and back had all but melted away. She had recovered, just as Sesshoumaru-sama requested. Now, it was time to leave.
More than once, she considered perusing the castle for an exit. She wasn't explicitly told to stay in her room, but she always thought better of it. Surely, she would run into other dog demons and who knew how those instances would play out.
She flipped onto her side and frowned. Hopefully Sesshoumaru-sama would visit her again, soon—if only so she could ask him to let her go. Once he did, she was certain she would not return to Kodachi.
She had made up her mind. If she managed to get out of here, she would leave the West. For good.
Hey all you wonderful people, I hope you enjoyed the new chapter! Next chapter has more Sess-Rin interaction, as well as some Naraku bits. Maybe we will get to see what exactly he has been plotting these last few months, hmm?
Thanks for all the reviews and the reads! If you are a guest without an account, I can't reply to your review. But please know that I read it. Someone asked me if I read every review, and I do (I get email notifications for each review). I also try to respond to all of them.
Much love you guys, I'll update again soon. :)
~Xera
