Matilda couldn't believe what she was hearing. No! No! No!
"Let me see her!" She begged. Mrs. Rodgers had her by the arms, but no matter how much she threw her weight and thrashed against her, Mrs. Rodgers wouldn't let go.
"Matilda, you need to calm down!" Mrs. Rodgers said, but Matilda wasn't having it. "They don't know anything yet for sure!"
She could barely make out the doctor standing in front of her through her tears.
"We're still running tests, but we'll let you know as soon as we find anything. Once she's out of radiology, and get her settled into a room, then you can see her for a few minutes before visiting hours are over."
Visiting hours! She wasn't leaving Miss Honey here by herself!
"Thank you, doctor." Matilda felt herself get pulled back over to the chairs. "They don't know for sure." Mrs. Rodgers said again.
"But I know!" Matilda cried. How had she not noticed the infected cuts? She had so busy looking at the scars, she hadn't noticed the cuts! As soon as the doctor had asked if she had been around rusty metal, the realization hit her like a ton of bricks. The Chokey! The night she had been so late picking her up from Hortensia's.
"Matilda, how could you possibly know? He only said they were checking for Tetanus, it doesn't mean she has it. He said it could be any number of things."
"B-but-but I felt it!" Matilda said. "In my throat, and she was pointing at it and-"
"Shh, Matilda, you're not making any sense. I know you're worried, but Miss Honey is going to be fine."
"It could kill her!"
"They don't know if it was even metal that cut her. For all we know, it could be totally unrelated. They've already given her a booster shot just in case."
"She was late! Miss Trunchbull must have had her in the Chokey, and she got cut!"
"I promise you, Miss Honey was not in the Chokey, she was with me all night." Mrs. Rodgers said. "The Trunchbull made all the staff sit through a lecture after school let out. We walked off the grounds together. Now, Miss Honey loves to tell me how smart you are. I'm sure you know just how rare Tetanus is, don't you?"
It was true, but, Matilda had been so sure she had felt pain in her jaw. It was a classic symptom, wasn't it? She tried to remember what she had read about it in the library after she had gotten all her vaccinations caught up. Was it Tetanus that caused jaundice, or was that Hepatitis? She let her face fall into her hands. She couldn't remember! Her brain felt so fuzzy!
Even if she was having jaw pain, why did that mean Miss Honey was too? She knew something strange was happening to her. She had been feeling all these complex and foreign things for days leading up to this, and she hadn't understood why until today. Maybe they weren't Matilda's feelings at all. They had been Miss Honey's. They had been so strong when they were lying next to each other, Matilda wondered why she hadn't noticed before.
How do you always know?
Perhaps it wasn't only Matilda who had wanted to cuddle last night? Hadn't Miss Honey admitted she had needed it as well? The sudden urge had overwhelmed Matilda. It was as if she had needed Jenny's affection like she needed air. Was it because Miss Honey's complex adult emotions had overwhelmed her? The self loathing. The fear. Feelings of inadequacy, of guilt, of loneliness, of shame. How could one person feel all that? Perhaps that's why Matilda only noticed it today? Pain was something she could pinpoint. She understood nausea, and headaches, and a full bladder.
Matilda nearly jumped when she heard the door swing open.
"She's in room 408 if you'd like to come back now."
Matilda's heart began to flutter inside her chest. She could feel the sweat forming on her palms. She had been bound and determined to break down the door a mere ten minutes ago, and now as she made her way down the hall, she felt terrified. What was this? Another foreign feeling. She was right outside the door now. She swallowed nervously. It was guilt.
Matilda craned her neck around the door frame, afraid of what she might see. What if she was hooked up to a breathing tube? Or an iron lung? Was she conscious? Would she recognize Matilda, or was she delirious from fever?
Relief rushed over her as she met Miss Honey's eyes. She practically sprinted to her bedside. She was awake, and sitting up, and even eating Jello!
"Matilda, no, don't! Give her some space!" Mrs. Rodgers said from behind her.
"No, she's fine." Jenny said with a croak. She patted the small space on the bed next to her that Matilda had already begun to scale. "C'mere, darling." There was that longing again. Was it hers? Jenny's? A bit of both? They wrapped their arms around each other as they rocked side to side. "I'm okay, sweetie, really. It's all thanks to you."
"I didn't do anything." Matilda mumbled into Miss Honey's shoulder.
"Yes you did! You were right there by my side all day, and you were so attentive, you even noticed I wasn't getting better and called for help. The doctor said if I hadn't come to the hospital when I did, I could have had brain damage from the high fever." Matilda shuddered. "I'm okay though. They were able to break it, and they're giving me antibiotics and fluids. They just want to keep me here for observation."
"Was it from metal?" Matilda asked. She pointed at the bandage on Jenny's collarbone.
"No, it wasn't metal." Jenny said with a weak smile, "You want to know what it was from?" Matilda nodded, eyes wide. "It was from that darn cat your dear friend Hortensia put in the Trunchbull's office on Tuesday. It scratched me when I picked him up to put him outside. I didn't clean it well enough, and it got infected." Matilda frowned, That couldn't be it.
"What else?" Matilda demanded. Jenny sighed and ran her hand through Matilda's hair.
"Can't hide anything from you, can I? Now, I don't want you to worry, bu- "
"Jenny! What is it?"
"We have cupboard spiders." Matilda blinked.
"What? Spiders?" There it was again, the guilt.
"I saw a couple the other day, but I didn't want to scare you. I was going to go back and kill them once you fell asleep, but then I forgot about them. Looks like one of them found me last night and got me right under my jaw. I had a bad reaction, and It made my throat swell up." Matilda looked up and noticed a bandage under her jaw line, right where Matilda had been feeling pain. She couldn't help but laugh from relief. She hugged Jenny again, but much tighter. A spider bite? Really?
"You scared me nearly to death thinking you had Tetanus!"
"Why on earth would you think I had Tetanus?"
"Because of the jaw pain! And the stomach contractions, and the fever!" Matilda could feel Miss Honey pull away from her and stare.
"How? What? I never told you about the contractions and jaw pain."
"Because I felt it." Matilda whispered. "I can't explain it; I just knew."
"The bucket." Jenny said quietly, her eyes growing wide. "It was always ready. You weren't making it stay up the whole time?"
Matilda shook her head. "Three minutes is my limit. I just sort of knew when you were going to need it and got it ready."
"Matilda, that's not possible, how could you-" Miss Honey started to say, but stopped as she realized what she was saying. How could you tell a girl who could move objects with her mind what was and wasn't possible?
"I'm sorry, but visiting hours are over." A male voice said. Matilda turned to stare at him and then back to Miss Honey.
"C'mon, Matilda, say goodnight and let Jenny get some rest." Mrs. Rodgers said, getting up from her chair.
No! Not yet! A feeling of panic was rising in her. "Can't I stay here with my mom?"
"Don't you want to have a sleepover with Hortensia? I'm sure the two of you can get into all sorts of fun trouble together." Mrs Rodgers said.
Matilda shook her head and looked at the nurse with pleading eyes.
"You're allowed one family member to stay, but that's up to your mom." he said. Matilda felt Jenny take her hand and give it a gentle squeeze.
"She can stay if she likes." Jenny said, before giving her a warm smile. "Thank you." she whispered in Matilda's ear before kissing her forehead. "I didn't really want to be alone."
"I know."
….
Jenny was both astonished and slightly disturbed at the knowledge that Matilda had developed the ability to peek inside her mind. Well, it's a damn good thing I don't have a sex drive, Jenny thought to herself. She could feel her face begin to burn at the "what if," scenario that teased her mind. Her near constant isolation from the adult world had really been a blessing in disguise. The last thing she needed to do was get "turned on" and have Matilda start asking questions about a new sensation she didn't understand. Well, that would make two of them.
She glanced at Matilda, asleep on the couch, and smiled. She was covered in a thin hospital blanket and appeared to be dead to the world. Matilda had slept through almost every time a nurse had stopped in to check her vitals, only raising her head for the briefest second when Jenny had been helped out of bed and led to the restroom. Poor thing must have been exhausted if she could stay asleep through all the beeping and commotion of the surrounding room.
"Hello, Miss Jennifer, how are you feeling?' she opened her eyes to find the nurse from before standing over her and, Jenny gulped, two uniformed police officers. What? Why? Was this about her having Matilda? Her eyes shot back to the girl as she tried her best to swallow her panic. I haven't done anything wrong.
"The pain medicine is wearing off." she answered truthfully. She tried to give the nurse her full attention, but her eyes kept wearily shooting to the officers.
"I'll have them bring you something else for the pain, but in the meantime, these officers would like to speak to you regarding your living situation." Jenny felt her heart drop. No! She wouldn't let them take her!
"Hello, Jennifer, is it?" Miss Honey slowly nodded her head, eyes wide in panic. "My name is Anthony Jameson, and this is my partner, Rebecca Hastings. We have a few questions for you, we were hoping you wouldn't mind answering for us." Miss Honey cringed a bit. His voice was loud and carried in the quiet hospital room. She put her fingers to her lips and pointed at the covered lump on the couch. "Ah, sorry," He said, before lowering his voice. "We received a call tonight regarding a possible domestic abuse situation, and we're just here doing a wellness check." Hiss Honey stared at him for a moment in confusion. Domestic abuse? She wasn't even, or had ever, been in a relationship.
"N-no?" Jenny answered. If this wasn't about them taking Matilda, then what was it about? "I'm a bit confused, sorry."
"It's okay. There was some concern raised over the marks on your body. We were called to make sure that you and your child were in a safe situation and offer some assistance if needed."
"O-oh, oh no," Jenny said in a relieved sigh, "Those aren't from a partner."
"Yes, the caller said something about a family member, your aunt? Or your boss?" Miss Honey's face fell.
"N-no, those, those are from my childhood." She stuttered out. "I-ts nothing, just an accident."
"Don't lie." Jenny heard coming from the side. She paled as Matilda sat up. "That's no accident! The Trunchbull did that to you!"
"Matilda, please." Jenny said in a panic. She turned back to the officers. "Everything's fine, really, it's from a long time ago and-"
"Ma'm, is this person still in your life?"
"Well, yes, she's my boss at the school, but like I said, it was a long time ago." Jenny said, her voice rising with panic with every syllable.
Jenny could see the female officer scowl. "You're not talking about Agatha Trunchbull from that school over on Churchill street, are you?"
"Umm, y-yes."
"We've had multiple reports and complaints about her over the years and-"
"Then why hasn't anyone done anything?!" Matilda nearly shouted. Everyone turned to look at her. "She terrorizes everyone! She hurts the kids, throws people out of windows! I saw her throw a girl over the fence by her hair, and she's stolen all of Jenny's money!" Jenny could see tears running down Matilda's face. "All the adults are cowards! Why won't anyone do anything?"
Jenny could see the female officer's shoulders slump. "We get reports, but when it's time to press charges, we think she gets to them first. Either bribes or threatens them to stay silent. It's not as easy as it sounds, unfortunately, facing the ones who hurt us." The officer met Jenny's eyes and nodded in understanding, but that seemed to make Matilda even more furious.
"That's what I mean, though!" Matilda said, "Everyone is so scared to face her, so they do nothing! And that's why it keeps happening! Again and again! She knows she can get away with it! If even one person had stopped thinking about themselves and stood up, then maybe the person after would have been spared!"
The female officer gently placed a hand on Matilda's head. "You're a very smart little girl."
"Which brings us to our visit." The other officer said. He produced a piece of paper and a pen and set it on the tray in front of Jenny. "We need your help, please give us your statement. It starts with one person."
Miss Honey let out a choked sob. "I-I can't. I'm sorry, but I can't!"
….
Matilda sank into the couch in stunned silence. Why? Why? Why? Why? She felt like she had just been punched in the gut. The adults are cowards. Every. Single. One. Of. Them.
They were Hortensia's words, and she had been silently fighting against them for days. Miss Honey was different! Miss Honey would protect them. Miss Honey loved her. Miss Honey was…Miss Honey was…just like the rest of them.
No! No! No! No!
"Please," the male officer said, sliding his card on the table. "Think about it and call us if you change your mind."
Jennifer said nothing.
"Hey," Matilda heard. She looked up and saw the female officer looking down at her. "Don't be hard on your mom. It's not easy, you understand?" Matilda could feel the terror and helplessness coming from Jenny, but it was held back with her own rage, frustration, and, hurt? There was a deep ache inside of Matilda. She didn't want to give it a name, because if she did, she would have to face the fact that Jenny, her Jenny, was making her feel…betrayed. Silent tears streamed down her face. "You'll understand when you're older."
You know it's more complicated than that. Life wasn't a story where everything always worked out in the end. There was no hero to swoop in to save the day. Reality wasn't a book where everyone got a happy ending, and good triumphed over evil. It was time to face the facts; she had been living in a fantasy world. Why had she assumed a woman as beaten down and broken as Jenny could somehow face all her fears just for her? Matilda was angry, not at Jenny really, but at herself. When had she lost touch with reality?
Matilda sat silently on the couch and watched the officers go. Once the room had emptied, and it was just the two of them alone again, Matilda felt the full force of Miss Honey's emotions. It was as if all the air had been sucked from the room. It hurt to breathe. Matilda looked down at her hands and found them trembling. She looked up at the woman who sat on the bed with her head in her arms on the tray, sobbing. Matilda couldn't stay mad, Jenny was filled with enough self loathing for the both of them. Matilda climbed back up onto her bed, squeezing in between the tray and Jenny.
"I'm sorry, Matilda, I'm so sorry!" Miss Honey choked out. "How did I ever think I could be someone you could rely on?"
"It doesn't change anything." Matilda said. She was relieved to find it felt true. "I still love you," she said, before adding, "mom." Matilda blinked in surprise. Mom? Miss Honey hadn't looked up, but she could tell she had stopped crying.
"Why now? When I feel like the furthest thing from it." Matilda herself was trying to understand it.
Why now of all times did it suddenly feel natural?
"Because I think before, it felt too much like a fairy tale. Like I would wake up one day and find myself back with the Wormwoods. You were perfect, and everything I had ever wanted, and I think I knew deep down it wasn't real. I feel like I'm seeing you for the first time as a human."
"This is the real me, Matilda. A selfish, lowly coward."
Matilda put her arms around Jenny and rested her head in the crook of her neck and shoulder. "I still choose you, mom."
She felt a pair of arms slowly wrap around her. There, in the seemingly endless darkness and turmoil, she could feel the tiniest spark of hope ignite, like a lighthouse that had stood empty for years had finally been lit, signaling the way home. Matilda didn't know who was the lighthouse and who was the ship lost at sea, but she could feel the storm ever so slowly begin to ebb away, and for now, that was all that mattered.
"I love you so much, Matilda."
"I love you too, mom."
And as Matilda drifted to sleep in her favorite place of all, a thought crept into her mind. She smiled mischievously in the dark. Spiders, huh? I wonder how Miss Trunchbull feels about spiders.
