Matilda could no longer hide the pain she was in, whether she felt she deserved it or not. There was broken glass in her arms, legs, face, and worst, bottoms of her feet. Quiet tears had been rolling down her eyes in the car on the way to the hospital, but once she had tried to walk across the pavement barefoot, the glass she had stepped on in the kitchen made itself known, and she had left bloody footprints across the white tiled floor of the emergency room. Now staying quiet and suffering in silence had been impossible. Her skin felt as if it was on fire and the fear of the unknown began to take hold. She couldn't imagine the pain she was feeling getting any worse than this, but she had a feeling it could only get worse before it got better.
Would they give kids pain medicine without parental consent?
Matilda tried to think of all the medical and first aid books she had read, but nothing had involved children. Hortensia's mom was up front explaining to triage her version of events. When she was called up front, she had refused to get up from her chair. Her feet were in no shape to walk on, so they had brought her a wheelchair to ride into the back. It looked like Hortensia had stepped in glass too, judging by the way she was limping along. The only person who had been spared was Eve, who had been wearing slippers and a bath robe at the time.
Once they had arrived in the back, after what felt like hours of waiting, Matilda had been led to one bed and Hortensia to another with Eve on her tail. Matilda wasn't sure whether it was to comfort her daughter, or keep her from causing problems, but being left alone weighed heavily on Matilda's shoulders, whether she had wanted Eve there or not. Not more than five minutes ago she wished Eve wasn't here, now that she had left, Matilda felt abandoned.
She hadn't been left alone very long though, when a hospital personnel had stepped inside. They asked lots of questions and Matilda tried her best to answer them through clenched teeth. She was in too much pain for small talk. Next they asked her to get undressed, but her arms hurt too much to lift. The nurse tried to pull Matilda's dress off, but when it came into contact with the first cut, she let out an involuntary scream. Eventually, they had to cut her clothes off and in the process revealed more cuts Matilda hadn't even been aware of, but once she laid eyes on them, they began to sting and burn as much as the others.
If the nurse noticed her clothes were wet, she hadn't said anything. Instead, she tried to cover Matilda with a paper gown, but even that had caused too much pain, so they opted to leave her naked, except for a folded towel they were able to set over her waist. There were so many people in and out, grabbing supplies and asking her questions, she could no longer keep track of who was who.
It wasn't until she could hear Hortensia begin to howl, swear and scream did Matilda feel true panic begin to set in. She knew she had to do this. Logic and sense told her she couldn't live with glass inside her, but her flight or fight response told her to make a run for it, naked or not. In the end, logic won out, and she winced and shuddered as someone began to paint her body in orange colored disinfectant.
"We might need to take you to surgery, dear." the nurse said. Matilda shuddered at the thought, but the nurse went on. "Wouldn't you rather be asleep while we dig all this out of you?" Yes. Yes she would.
"Wha- 'bout my fend?" Matilda tried to ask, only to discover she could hardly talk. The nurse shook her head.
"Nah, she was nothing. She's already done. All that crying you heard? That was just the numbing shot." Matilda wanted to laugh, but couldn't. "Something wrong with your mouth?"
"I wit my tong" Matilda said. She must have done it while gritting her teeth when they were applying the disinfectant. She could taste the iron in her mouth. Matilda let drool slide down her face, and wiped it away with the back of her hand. Her saliva was bright red.
"Open your mouth and stick out your tongue." The nurse said. "Oh my, you sure did. I'm going to go find something for you to put in your mouth, so you can bite down if you need to. Once your tongue swells, you're going to keep accidentally biting it. Does it hurt? I can give you some oral medicine if it does." Matilda nodded with gratitude.
She closed her eyes and listened to the surrounding noises. She could still hear Hortensia sniffling, the beeping of machines, someone a few rows over was moaning. Now someone else had come in, wanting an update. Another nurse, but this one looked slightly familiar. She had probably already been in here earlier, and they were starting to all look the same to Matilda. She closed her eyes again, trying to block everything out.
Someone had begun fussing over her, but she kept her eyes shut. Her tongue had really begun to swell, and now she was drooling for real. She felt the nurse gently wipe the side of her face with a washcloth before stroking her head and running their fingers through Matilda's hair. Whoever this was, they were much more gentle than the others. She was almost enjoying the sensation, as they hummed quietly by her ear.
"Hello? Can I help you?" Matilda heard. Matilda cracked her eyes open briefly to find the nurse from before standing in front of the curtain. "Are you a relative?" There was only silence, but the nurse seemed satisfied. Matilda figured they had flashed their badge and Matilda went back to closing her eyes. Her body seemed to gravitate on its own towards the stranger's soft humming. She found it comforting in the surrounding chaos.
"Now I know this is going to look silly, but it was the only thing I could think of. I had to go up to pediatrics to find something small enough to fit in your mouth. I've put some medicine on it to numb your mouth, so keep this in for a good ten-to fifteen minutes. Alright mom? Make sure she keeps it in her mouth." Mom? Matilda thought confused. She tried craning her neck around, but couldn't see behind her.
"I'm right here, Matilda." Her heart leaped. It hadn't been a nurse humming to her, it had been Miss Honey! She forced herself to turn around despite the pain, and saw Miss Honey sitting in a wheelchair by her side.
Matilda made a sound that was supposed to be, "mom!" but sounded more like a wet sounding gurgle. Miss Honey smiled and wiped at Matilda's face with the rag.
"We'll talk later, sweetie." Miss Honey said softly, running her fingers through Matilda's hair again. "Lay back down, the nurse has something for you." Matilda reluctantly turned back around, but before she could even settle, something had been popped into her mouth. She scrunched up her face. It was slimy and covered in some kind of thick gel that tasted like medicine. She moved her hand up to pull it out and examine it, but was immediately stopped.
"Fifteen minutes." The nurse reminded her. Matilda laid back down staring up at the ceiling, occasionally fiddling, biting, and rolling her tongue on whatever was in her mouth. After a few minutes, her mouth had gone numb. On one hand it was a relief, on the other it only made the drooling worse. It almost felt as if she had forgotten how to swallow and spit seemed to be running freely down both sides of her mouth.
"I'll be back soon, then you'll be sedated and taken to surgery. We're just waiting on the surgeon." And then she was gone.
"Are you scared?" Miss Honey asked. Matilda nodded her head. Her eyes began to fill with silent tears. "I know it's scary, but it's better this way. You don't want to be awake while they try and fish out everything."
Matilda understood this, but it didn't seem to stop the panic from rising inside her with each passing minute. She was going to town on the thing in her mouth, biting, sucking and moving the rubber ball of the gel applicator from one side to the other. It did little to calm her nerves, but it was something to occupy her mind with. Once she was sure 15 minutes were up, she pointed at her mouth.
"If you want to, but you look cute sucking on it." Miss Honey said with a small smile. Matilda furrowed her eyebrows in confusion, before pulling it out and staring at it. Wait a minute, this wasn't a medication applicator, this was a… Had she been sucking on this the whole time? This was a pacifier! Matilda dropped it and flinched away as if it was something poisonous. Miss Honey laughed. "It's just a soother; It won't hurt you. Besides, it's not like anyone is going to see you."
"Jennifer? Is that you?" Matilda frowned. It was Eve. Was Hortensia with her? "Can we come in?"
"Yes, it's me, but let me come to you. Matilda isn't decent." Matilda watched Jenny wheel herself out, before stopping and turning to her. "I'll be back in a minute, dear, I promise." Matilda silently whimpered to herself and tried to close her eyes. Now that she was alone, she was feeling even more scared. Her hand fell on the pacifier. Soother, huh? She looked left and right before popping it back into her mouth and spinning it around with her tongue. That's when she heard something she thought she'd never hear. Was that the sound of Miss Honey yelling?
"How could you say something like that to her!? Who cares if she has a few more accidents than normal? Do you have any idea what she's been going through?" Matilda couldn't hear what Eve was saying, but she had never heard Miss Honey sound so angry. "She is only five!" "Don't give me that reverse psychology nonsense! She'll grow out of it; it's just a phase." "Then if that's what she needs, she's more than welcome to with me."
Matilda was startled to see Hortensia slip in behind the curtain and join her. "Hope you don't mind if I join you, it's a little, uh," she pulled on her shirt collar before pointing behind her with her thumb. "Guess I shouldn't have told Miss Honey what happened." Matilda tried to shrug, but winced in pain instead.
"It's okay," Matilda slurred, only just realizing what was in her mouth. She quickly pulled it out, her face beginning to turn bright red. Hortensia smirked, but Matilda could see how exhausted she looked. "It had pain medicine on it." She tried to explain. Her mouth was still numb, and she had a feeling Hortensia couldn't understand a word she said. "I bit my tongue."
"I didn't see you sucking a pacifier." Hortensia said, shrugging. "I heard you're having surgery, you can suck on your toes for all I care." Matilda smiled weakly, her eyes on the curtain. "Is all that orange where you have glass?" Matilda nodded. "Holy shi- dude, I didn't realize it got you so bad."
"My fault." Matilda mumbled. "I lost control."
Hortensia cocked her head to the side trying to process what she heard. "I don't know what you said after, but it's not your fault. I'm guessing they don't really have a guide book for this sort of thing."
Matilda grunted and forced herself up onto her elbows despite the pain. "Plan B." she said meeting Hortensia's eyes. Only all that came out was a bit of babble and a trail of saliva.
"Down! Get back down!" A voice said sharply, startling the two girls. Matilda's arms gave up, and she crashed back onto the exam table with a loud thud. The nurse stood over her with her arms crossed, before shoving the pacifier from before into her mouth. Matilda wanted to pull it out, but her arms were still trembling from the effort of holding herself up. She heard a disapproving tisk, before she turned on Hortensia. Matilda couldn't see, but she could imagine the large smirk on Hortensia's face disintegrating from the look she was getting.
"What on earth are those two fighting about?" The nurse asked.
"Ah, well, my mom can be a bit of a jerk sometimes when she isn't feeling well, and she sort of went off on Matilda for having another accident." Hortensia explained. Matilda scowled, she didn't like the way Hortensia had said, "another accident".
"Why on earth would that matter right now with everything that's happened?" The nurse asked perplexed.
"It's, uh, complicated." Hortensia said. The nurse stormed out to break up the fight, leaving the two girls alone again. "So you want me to just let the spiders go, or…?" Hortensia asked after a quiet pause. Matilda nodded. "Don't worry, I'll find them a good home." Matilda hoped she'd release Charlotte with her cotton ball, she seemed rather attached to it.
They both heard the nurse yell something about needing to, "Take your daughter and leave," and since Matilda was in no shape to go anywhere, they both assumed it meant Hortensia and her mom.
"Looks like I gotta go. Good luck, squirt. Call me later." Hortensia said before ducking out.
"You didn't hear all that, did you?" A quiet voice said by Matilda's ear a few minutes later. Matilda felt relieved to have Miss Honey back beside her. "Hortensia told me what happened and…" Miss Honey said trailing off. "That was so unlike me, but I was just so angry I." she stopped mid-sentence and sighed, before brushing Matilda's hair again.
The nurse came in again shaking her head. "Now that that's all sorted out." She looked down at Matilda and put on a smile. "This might help." She raised the upper part of the bed, so Matilda was looking forward now instead of at the ceiling. Matilda looked over and was happy to be able to see Jenny sitting beside her. She instinctively reached for her hand and Jenny took it and gave a gentle squeeze. "Now the surgeon will be here any minute, do you need anything before we get started?" Matilda was thirsty, but she knew from reading she couldn't eat or drink anything before anesthesia, or she'd risk choking on her own vomit, so she shook her head.
"You don't need to go potty at all?" Matilda inwardly flinched. She was used to the other kids in her class talking, and being talked to that way, but Miss Honey had never used that sort of language with her. Instead, she talked to her as if she was another adult, and Matilda appreciated it. She could normally shrug it off when an adult spoke that way to her, but now, it made her feel a bit uncomfortable.
"No, I don't need the restroom." Matilda tried to say after pulling the soother out and silently cursing her still numb mouth. She felt Miss Honey gently squeeze her hand.
"How about you try, sweetie?" Jennifer asked.
"I think that's a good idea." The nurse said. Matilda reluctantly nodded her head and began trying to scoot towards the end of the bed, but stopped when the nurse said, "Woah, no, you stay put!" Matilda rested her head back on the pillow. Were they going to carry her or bring her a wheelchair? Either way, she was glad she wouldn't have to walk, she could still hardly move. Her relief soon turned to puzzlement when she saw the nurse begin to put on latex gloves. "Since you are covered in open sores from head to foot, we can't risk them getting infected, so," she said, drawing out the last syllable as she pulled something down from inside a cabinet "you are going to do your business here." Matilda blinked. Was she joking? She looked to Miss Honey, who squeezed her hand reassuringly.
"It's alright, just do what she says."
"I'm going to lift up your legs and slide this under you, okay?" Before Matilda could protest, she felt her lower half go airborne. She let out a startled cry before being set back down on something hard and plastic. She sat there feeling a bit stunned for a moment, before taking a peek at what was underneath her. It was a plastic, pink bowl of some kind. "Go on and try and go potty, might be a bit before you get another chance."
Matilda could feel heat rush to her face. She could feel everyone staring at her expectantly. "I-I can't." Matilda stuttered out.
"Just try, dear. It's okay if you can't, but we just want you to try." The nurse said.
Matilda inwardly sighed and tried to focus on something-anything else. Just as she thought maybe something might come out, the nurse asked. "Any luck?" Making Matilda's body shut down tight again. Matilda was going to tell her no, but she found her throat, in a panic, refused to utter a sound.
"She's shy." Miss Honey said, after the nurse looked in the bowl to find nothing.
"Then how about I step out and round up the papers you'll need to sign. We'll give her until I get back." Matilda felt a wave of relief once the nurse had left. She couldn't go under that much pressure.
"Should I leave too?" Miss Honey asked. Matilda thought it over before shaking her head. "It's hard, I know. They made me do the same, yesterday."
"Could you?" Matilda asked.
"Not until I thought it was about to come out my eyeballs." Miss Honey admitted. "The nurses are very busy, and they can't always come right away. I don't want you waiting 'til the last minute only for no one to come in time. I don't think you'd feel very happy then." Matilda shook her head. She felt her heart sink. "I'm not saying this to scare you, but you're a very logic based person. I trust you'll make the right decision if you know all the facts."
"I'm not choosing not to," Matilda said, "This just feels weird, and I can't. My butts going numb." Miss Honey chuckled softly.
"Try closing your eyes, and here-" Miss Honey said. Matilda scowled when she felt the soother get put back in her mouth. "Don't think about what it is and just suck." Matilda sighed and closed her eyes. "That's it, just relax." She felt Miss Honey's hand begin combing back her hair. It felt nice, despite the peculiar situation. "Now on the count of three, really try, alright. One, two, three!"
Matilda jumped and let out an involuntary yelp, before squealing. "Hey, mom! No, that's cheating!" She cried, "Stop!" She let out another squeal of laughter and tried to move away from Miss Honey's fingers, which had attacked under her arms at the count of three, but there was no way to escape.
"Not 'til you go." Miss Honey said with a cackle.
"I thought you were nice!" Matilda cried, who as a last resort to make the tickling stop, began to push. To Matilda's horror, instead of urine, all she had managed to do was produce a loud creaking noise that echoed in the empty pan. Miss Honey stopped tickling her and looked down at her before the two of them began to laugh even harder, despite Matilda's glowing red face of embarrassment.
"I can't say I've ever tickled someone until they passed gas." Miss Honey said.
Matilda groaned, face hidden behind her palms. "That wasn't supposed to happen."
"Uh-huh, and I suppose that time last week in bed wasn't supposed to happen either?" Miss Honey asked. Matilda groaned again as Miss Honey chuckled. "Alright, let's settle down before we get in trouble."
"Alright, I've got the paperwork all ready here. Are you feeling alright, Matilda? Your face is looking flushed." The two giggled again as the nurse looked on, an amused and puzzled expression on her face. "Did I miss something?"
"No!" Matilda got out before Miss Honey could answer.
"Well, I hope you've been doing more than just giggling over here." The nurse spread Matilda's legs open and made a disapproving tisk sound.
"She really did try." Miss Honey said.
"She went a little, but not very much." Matilda felt overjoyed when she had been set back down on the bed.
"Do you think, maybe," Miss Honey started to say before making eye contact with Matilda. She could see her mouth the word "diaper".
"The problem are these." She pointed to several cuts along Matilda's upper thighs a few inches away from her groin. "They need to be uncovered and examined by the surgeon. Since she's prone to accidents, I can make note of it in her chart, if anything they might put a pad under her. Has she always had this problem?"
"No, I don't think so. I think it started when she came to live with me."
"Ahh, okay. Sometimes young kids can regress a little with a big change. It's normal. I had a young son who started acting out and wetting the bed when his father and I got divorced, but he came around eventually." Matilda wanted to sink into the floor, but the nurse seemed to sense the topic's effect on her and gave her a warm smile. "You've got nothing to be ashamed of, alright? These things happen, and sometimes the only cure is time."
Miss Honey watched anxiously as Matilda was wheeled out of the room towards surgery. She had promised to be there when Matilda woke up, but was startled when she felt someone pushing her back to her room.
"But my daughter," Miss Honey started to say,
"Arrangements have been made for her to be brought to your room once she's out of surgery. The doctor decided to release you tonight, so she can have the room. You're welcome to wait on the couch once you've signed the release papers."
"Oh good!" Miss Honey said, relieved. She had been dreading the thought of being separated for the night, as all the rooms only held one bed. Now she could stay with Matilda. "How long do you think they'll keep her here?"
"It depends, they need to check and make sure no glass got near any vital organs, and they'll probably give her some antibiotics and fluid just in case. If all goes well, she'll most likely be released tomorrow."
Miss Honey breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm so glad." The relief was short-lived once she was wheeled into her room. It was a mess. It looked like things from her tray had been violently knocked over and scattered across the floor. Miss Honey stared, a sinking feeling in her stomach. She jumped from the wheelchair, despite the nurse's objections and began searching the floor, the bedsheets, the tray, but it was gone. The letter she had written to herself detailing her aunts abuse; the letter she had never meant anyone to ever see was gone. But who would have taken it? Her stomach tightened into knots as she sat on the edge of the bed.
"Was someone in here while I was downstairs?" Miss Honey asked.
"I'm not sure, I'll have to go ask over at the nurse's station." Miss Honey raised her head as another voice came from the doorway.
"Oh, Jennifer! There you are! Your aunt came by to see you, but I told her you were downstairs with your daughter and to come back later."
