The first week back was quite uneventful and doubly boring for the sixth years. To add more to the burden, the teachers had drowned the students in homework. The OWLs year now seemed to be a distant fairyland where they at least had six hours of complete sleep. Sirius and Marlene were still maintaining a healthy distance. James had now warmed up to Lily a bit, emerging out of his sullen mood, but would plunged right back into it for at least two to three hours if he heard Liam calling Lily by her first name. Lily was quite relieved (and subsequently worried to find herself relieved) to find that James would occasionally look towards her and give her a cocky grin or a wink. She almost instantly returned his smile with a scowl or an eye roll but somewhere at the back of her mind she was happy things were back to normal where she can scowl at James instead of wanting to hear him say her name. But then again, her relief may also be resulting from the fact that he had called her Evans over the week (although his arrogant tone seemed to be at bay) and her incessant need to listen to him say 'Evans' was put at ease finally.
After a long tiring week, weekend had finally arrived. They had just finished with their Potions lesson and were heading back to their common room.
"When do you reckon the first Hogsmede weekend will be?" asked Marlene.
"I don't really know, so far only the Head Girl is managing the Prefects' meeting, she sometimes misses out small details. It's too much load for her. I hope Frank will be back soon." replied Remus, who was looking sick. Lily soon realised tomorrow would be the full moon night and Remus won't be able to accompany her for rounds today along with the next two days.
"Any news of him?" asked Lily.
"Same, not responding to the Potions." replied Remus.
"How'd you know?" asked Lily.
"James' mother wrote to him yesterday. Mrs. Longbottom is keeping herself occupied while she's not with Frank at the hospital."
Lily had contemplated writing to Mrs. Longbottom but had decided she might be grieving and might not want to respond to letters just yet. Somewhere in the background James and Sirius were making exploding sounds in the corridor. Lily had half a mind to turn around to see what was happening but then again, Liam was somewhere at the back and she didn't want to catch his eye. Just then it hit her. Were they pranking Liam? She whipped her head around to see what the commotion was and found James and Sirius duelling with the Potrait of Sir Cadogan.
"Cowards!" the portrait shouted, indignantly as James and Sirius exploded a dungbomb near the frame and ran away. Sir Cadogan was now chasing them running from portrait to portrait.
"Stand and fight!" panted Sir Cadogan, as he chased the two boys now setting off dungbombs near every portrait that Sir Cadogan appeared in. People were clapping and hooting and were being shouted upon by the original owners of the portraits Sir Cadogan slipped in. Lily felt a twinge of guilt as she found herself enjoying along with other people. Mr. Filch is going to have a field day cleaning up all that, she thought. So instead she waited till she was behind the crowd of students after the Hufflepuffs had separated from the Gryffindors and had whipped out her wand to clean up the mess the dungbombs had made. The portraits thanked her as they themselves straightened their dresses and dusted the curtains in the painting. About a minute later or so Filch had arrived, as usual in a bad mood, with his nose scrunched up in disgust and anger. He grunted towards Lily, which she only assumed was his way of thanking her.
"Don't know what they think of themselves, running amok, wreaking havoc. I'd rather have Peeves throwing water balloons than have the two of those cartoons in the castle." grunted Filch, "it's okay, I'll clean it up from here." he said, attempting a smile, which looked a little like a grimace.
"Its quite alright Mr. Filch, all these portraits are on my way to the Gryffindor Tower, I'll clean them up on my way."
"Are you sure?" he asked. He definitely looked as they he didn't want to scrub all the paintings clean and Lily was just too kind to let someone clean up after someone else's mess.
"Oh yes, of course." she replied with a bright smile.
"Alright then, if you need help I'll be there in my office." and for the first time Lily knew she saw Filch smile, a grateful smile. She kept cleaning off the portraits but when she turned round the corner she found all of them already clean. She looked around doubtfully. She knew these portraits were dirty too.
"Uh, excuse me, who cleaned these portraits?" she asked one of the portraits of a grumpy looking wizard.
"Oh you know, that tall one, with untidy hair. Merlin he needs to tame that hair. If he were my son he'd be hanging from the ceiling till he fixed those ruddy clumps he calls hair." the man grumbled.
"The one who set off the bombs?" asked Lily, still not sure why James would come back to clean the place.
"Yeah, the same. You people don't get enough work from school. Have lots of time to spare. Setting off dingbombs and then cleaning up after.." the man went on but Lily was hardly listening. She couldn't comprehend why on earth would James Potter come back to clean up the mess. She felt irritation rising up in her mind, pricking at her head. She shook herself. The last thing she needs is to waste her weekend trying to figure out the reason behind why James Potter does what he does.
She headed straight for the tower and didn't stop until she had climbed inside through the portrait hole. She looked around for her friends. Marlene and Hestia were sitting in the armchairs in front of the fire and the marauders were sitting right in front of them on the carpet. James Potter was missing. Lily rolled her eyes, not wanting to know where he was. She walked over to the group. Sirius and Peter were playing wizard's chess. Remus was eating chocolate and was reading something. At least he was trying to, as Lily noticed he looked positively ill. Marlene and Hestia were trying to make paper planes that Lily had taught them.
"You've got to fold that piece sideways, not back." remarked Lily as she saw Hestia struggling to make the wings of the plane.
"This is ridiculous." said Hestia, throwing up her arms. Lily sat down between Marlene and Hestia.
"What took you so long?" asked Marlene. Lily debated whether she should tell them that she cleaned up the mess behind. She decided against it.
"Yeah Evans, what took you so long?" asked a very familiar voice coming from behind her armchair. Lily rolled her eyes. Did he know?
"Nothing that's your business." she replied curtly.
"Oh I think it was." said James, sitting on the arm of her chair. Lily scooted away from him. She looked up at him and wasn't surprised to see his annoying smirk plastered over his face. So he does know.
"Lily, a word?" asked Remus from where he was sitting.
"Yeah." answered Lily. She knew Remus just wanted to tell her he wouldn't be able to accompany her for their rounds today but Lily could just give anything to move away from James, so she got up and followed Remus towards a quiet corner.
"I won't be able to come for the roun-" started Remus.
"I know Remus, I checked the chart. It's full moon tomorrow."
"You sure you'll be alright? I can ask some other prefect to fill in for me."
"I'll be fine Remus, don't worry. You'll be in the hospital wing today?"
Remus nodded.
"I'll come by to visit, if I can." smiled Lily.
"You don't have to." said Remus, suddenly going very red.
"I know." Lily replied, laughing and dragging him back to their friends.
Lily's laugh faded away as she saw James sitting in her armchair.
"I was sitting there!" she said as she kicked the bottom of the armchair. It moved a little.
"You could still sit here, you know." replied James, patting his lap, his insufferable grin on his face.
"Don't test my patience Potter." threatened Lily as she felt bile rise up in her throat. Nothing, nothing on this planet could make her as angry as this creature in her seat did.
"Or what Lily?" taunted James, saying her name as Liam does, a tinge of accent lacing his voice, but she could also sense a bit of irritation in his voice. He laughed as Sirius high fived him. And to her horror she felt tears pricking at the back of her eye. Her eyes grew in disbelief and before she lost all control of herself and started crying she yelled, "Rot in hell, Potter!", but before she could turn a stray tear had run down the side of her eyes.
She ran up to her dormitory leaving her bag behind. She closed her eyes and felt tears rolling down her cheeks. She wiped her face in confusion. She hated Potter. Yes. She hated Liam too. Yes. But James saying her name like that, like it was something he despised is probably what made her cry, she reasoned. She kicked her trunk and then sat down on her bed. What does he think of himself? How can someone just go on making fun of people, hurting people? Lily could never even think of hurting a fly let alone a full grown human, bubbling with complex emotions and thoughts. What did he want from her? To not talk to anyone but him? So what if Liam likes her. Aren't people just allowed to fancy whomever they like? Or do they need a written permission from James Potter? Sure she'd been teased enough by Sirius and Marlene about Liam. She didn't mind. But James saying her name like that had hurt her. Sirius and Marlene too said your name like Liam does, a small voice in her head said. She furrowed her brows, making some more tears fall down. It was then that she realised, this was the first time she had heard James say her first name. The thought made her uneasy. She'd grown so used to James addressing her as Evans, that she never realised he'd never called her 'Lily'. She let that sink in as she wiped her eyes one more time. She flinched. Her eyes stung a little because of being wiped continously. Maybe that's why she was hurt. Because James said her name for the first time like a taunt. You didn't even know he'd said it for the first time until now, the same voice said. Lily shook her head stubbornly. For the first time (she was having a lot of first times thanks to Potter, she noted) she didn't want to know why she had reacted the way she did. The thought that she might find an unknown feeling hidden somewhere under the layers of her stubborn personality made her extremely uneasy. She didn't want to explore that depth. She heard the door of the dormitory creak open. It was Marlene. She looked at Lily worriedly.
"Lily are you oka-"
"I'm fine, Marlene." replied Lily, wiping her face and flinching when the corners of her eyes stung.
"We were playing a game of Exploding Snap, you fancy playing?" she asked.
"No, I think I'll sleep for a while. Wake me up before dinner will you?" asked Lily to which Marlene nodded. She closed the door behind her and Lily lay down. Her eyes were tired and it didn't take even a complete minute for Lily to fall asleep.
James was pretty sure this was the longest he'd waited for someone. Marlene and Hestia had picked a straw to choose who'll go to check up on Lily. A task no one enjoyed when Lily had gone up in a sour mood. Marlene pulled out the shorter straw and had gone up to their dormitory. All air had left his body the moment he'd seen a tear rolling down Lily's eyes. He'd almost immediately followed her to the stairs of the girls dormitories but couldn't go any further. Of all the times he'd fought with Lily, he'd never made her cry. WHY did he have to be such a jerk!? Why couldn't he have just given her her seat back and sat down with Sirius and then all of them could have played Exploding Snap and Lily would still be here, in a good mood, in front of the fire, her hair looking a lighter red, almost like a dark orange. But no he had to go on make her mad. Old habits die hard. He rolled his eyes at the thought. But this was bad. This was worse than before. He had made her upset. Never had he made her upset before. This had to be a record. He felt all the weight in world weighing him down. The thought of Lily upset, locked in her dormitory, mulling over what had upset her over and over again had always made him sick. And for the first time he was the reason for it. He felt sick with guilt. His heart which usually would beat out of time with excitement whenever he'd have a fight with Lily, was now beating with a dull thumping sound that came at regular intervals. He could remember three definite occasions where Lily had been upset. When she'd been called a mudblood in their second year, when Snape had called her a mudblood last year and when her sister had called her a freak a week ago. His heart ached as he thought he might be in that list, now that he'd hurt her too. Of course it wasn't as bad as calling her a mudblood or a freak but when one is that young and in love, the consequences of one's smallest actions seem to bring about a storm that can't be tamed.
"She's not coming. She went to sleep." said Marlene, bringing James out of his thoughts.
"What'd she say? Is she okay? Is she upset? Was she crying?" asked James in a single breath.
"She said she's fine. I don't think she's okay. Yes, she looked quite upset, and yep she was crying. She asked me to wake her up before dinner." answered Marlene, looking at James.
"I'm such a jerk." said James in a small voice.
"It's probably nothing James. Maybe she was upset over something else and you just pulled the last straw." she rubbed his back, affectionately. Marlene was his childhood friend. She was, along with the marauders, one of those friends with whom James shared his feelings about Lily.
"Yeah, just another infamous week of her ignoring me." said James, kicking his heels into the sofa. The rest of the gryffindors sat down to play Exploding Snap but James opened up the marauders' map which showed everyone at castle and stared at the dot labelled Lily Evans, in her dormitory.
Hestia had tried avoiding sitting next to Remus but had failed as Peter got up to get some candies from his dormitory and sat down between Remus and Sirius on his return, leaving Remus shifting to sit towards Hestia. She knew the full moon was tomorrow and Remus looked as ill as she'd seen him be. Her face heated up as she felt his knee brush her hand. Her brows furrowed as she tried to concentrate on the game and not on Remus' light ragged breathing. This is going to be one long game.
Dinner that night was a quiet affair, with Lily very obviously ignoring James and James looking at her guiltily. But still all was good until as usual Liam showed up. Lily was obviously in no mood to entertain even her friends let alone someone who could talk his head out. Luckily neither was James or Sirius or Marlene or Hestia. Remus had already been shifted to the hospital wing.
"'Sup people?" greeted Liam as he sat between Hestia and Lily. Hestia grunted in reply and Lily simply said nothing.
"Whoo. Someone's in a sullen mood eh?" said Liam looking from Hestia to Lily. Marlene had half a heart to warn Liam, but she thought he deserved a bit of Lily's fiesty side.
"So, Bolte," started Hestia.
"Liam. Call me Liam."
"Right. So, Bolte. Why aren't you at your table?" asked Hestia tartly.
"Came by to say hi. You lot look much gloomier. What happened? Lily? You're awfully quiet."
"Am I now?" asked Lily, looking at Liam, her eyes flashing dangerously.
"I mean, yeah, you didn't even say hi." said Liam completely oblivious to Lily's rising anger.
"Oh I'm sorry if I was a bit tired of you ranting about your school and how it's so much better than Hogwarts and how you'd rather be there than here. Well here's a reality check for you. You're here. At Hogwarts. And unless you can appreciate it, I'd rather not talk you. Oh wait no. You're the one who does all the talking all the damn time! I stand corrected. I'd rather not listen to you unless you've something better to talk about the school that's actually sheltering you right now." fumed Lily. A couple of students from around their table had poked their heads around to see what the commotion was.
"I-I am sorry I had no ide-" but Liam never got to finish. Hestia's hand had slipped and she had dropped hot tea all over his robes. The moment he made to get up he fell backwards on to the floor. Lily only very briefly saw the tied laces on his shoes, which untied themselves the moment he fell. A couple of students passing by toppled over Liam. Lily quickly helped him back on his feet, but he didn't stay around at all after that. He walked straight out of the Great Hall. Nobody spoke after that.
Lily patrolled the corridors alone that night vaguely aware of anything happening at all. She stopped by the hospital wing but Remus was already asleep. Feeling tired and exhausted she walked back to the Gryffindor tower. It had felt good for once to see Liam flustered and scared. She was positive that Liam falling down was entirely marauders handwork. She didn't know if she was grateful or angry. She was grateful for one thing. She didn't have to face Liam apologising. Merlin knew she hated being on the receiving end of an apology. It always made her feel as if she's some big bad guy who has wronged someone that they had to come to her begging for an apology. She instead starts feeling the need to apologise to someone for apologising to her. So she was quite grateful that she didn't have to face an apology. But she was angry. There was absolutely no need to embarrass Liam like that. He was a foreign student in a foreign school. No one deserves to be bullied like that. Yeah well your own words didn't do much good, did they? Lily shook her head and entered the Gryffindor tower. The last person she wanted to see was standing right there, in the deserted common room. She started to move towards her dormitory hoping he won't notice her (even though he was clearly waiting for her).
"Evans, Evans, Evans, Evans." called James urgently as he moved to block her way to the girls' staircase.
"What Potter?" asked Lily, her voice sounding tired as she folded her arms in front of her.
"I just .. I never thought .. you know. I never meant to hurt you. It was just good fun. I'm annoying I know, and I can make you angry, but I never meant to hurt you. Anything I do or will do or did do, nothing was or will be with the intention of hurting you. I can never hurt you, at least I never want to. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry." apologised James, his eyes looking like a guilty puppy. Something in Lily stirred. For one, James Potter had never apologised to her, or to any human she knew. Two, he clearly looked extremely guilty of having touched a nerve with her. Her annoyance and anger with him slowly ebbed away as she saw him becoming increasingly uncomfortable, and if possible even guiltier with every passing second that she kept him waiting. She could feel her instinct of apologising to the person asking for forgiveness seemed to be taking over, but for once it felt right.
"You know what, it's late, you're probably tired, you should go to be-" James started as he moved out of her path.
"No wait, Potter. It's nothing really. I had been annoyed with Liam for a while now, and Sirius and Marlene give me enough hell about him. You just really pulled the last straw. I guess that's why I lost it."
"Yeah, but you didn't just lose it did you? I mean you lose your cool around me all the time but you were crying. I've only known you to cry when the thing with Snape happened and at the station bacause of your sister last week. I just didn't want to be in leagues with those two, no offence to your sister."
"You're not even in the same sport, Potter." said Lily, remembering just how different James was from Severus and Petunia. He was as different from them as he could be. And whatever reservations Lily seemed to have regarding James faded away as she remembered their conversation in Diagon Alley. She allowed herself a smile and was surprisingly happy to see James mirroring her smile. "As for crying I do cry for reasons other than those two." she added, although the reason of telling him this was lost on her.
"What were you crying about that night?" asked James carefully, pushing his luck. Lily remembered the night James had comforted her.
"Petunia had written me a letter telling me to never come back home so she could tell her friends that I had died in an accident instead of having to make up excuses for my absence. She said she'd never wish even for her enemy to have a sister like me." replied Lily her voice void of any emotion.
"That's horrible. Who wouldn't want you for a sister?" James looked aghast.
"You?" said Lily rolling her eyes and then smacked herself mentally. Are you trying to flirt?! James looked as if he'd seen a giant squid playing strip poker.
"Uh, yeah, well that's a fact now I guess." replied James, smiling weakly not sure how to react.
"I'm really tired, I should probably go to bed." said Lily hurriedly as she moved towards her dormitory, not at all wanting to meet James' eyes.
"Goodnight." said James awkwardly, although Lily was already climbing the stairs. But he was sure he heard a faint "Goodnight".
James sat down in one of the armchairs, completely dazed by what had transpired. A civil conversation. Was Lily flirting with him?! He shook his head. He was probably imagining things. He replayed their conversation in his head until he fell asleep in the armchair. It wasn't a comfortable night but he was saved as he saw Lily smiling at him in his dreams.
