She was at Fen's side in an instant.
"Falon, you found me," Falherna murmured, approaching the wolf. The animal lowered his head and whimpered.
Something was wrong. Very wrong.
No, no.
She knelt beside him. "What happened, Fen?" she whispered, knowing he would not answer. His fur was covered in blood.
She was holding her breath; her heart was pounding in her chest. A lump in her throat was impossible to swallow.
Breathe, she reminded herself. You can help him.
"No, please, no." Fal pleaded, eyes glued to the wolf. She whispered prayers to a god that never answered, to a creature who possibly did not care. How could she believe he is listening?
"Mana, Fen." She took a long breath as her hands investigated Fen. She checked his head, neck with trembling fingers. As she touched his leg, the wolf whimpered in pain. She took a closer look at it and found a cut, some dried blood. Shemlens' arrows caused this. She wanted to roar, claw, and sink her teeth into the flesh of those who did this.
She concentrated on breathing, on what was important.
She returned to examination, checking for other wounds. There were none. A relief washed her over; she let out a huge breath. Her body slumped, lost its stiff posture, and she sat on the ground next to Fen.
She bowed her head, perhaps Fen'Harel was listening after all.
She let out a sigh of relief, stroking his fur, calming him, calming herself.
"Solas," she whispered. Suddenly he was at her side as if he was waiting near to be called.
"I am here," she could hear the concern in his voice.
"Leg wound," she said quietly. Solas dropped to his knees by her side, ready to heal the wound, but she grabbed his arm.
"Slowly. He usually doesn't like strangers." Solas nodded, focusing on the animal.
Breath in, she heard her father's voice again. Breath out, Celia. Focus on helping him.
Focus. The keyword. The crucial lesson of her life.
Still, there was this nagging feeling of fear at the back of her mind. Fear of seeing Fen in pain, seeing him dead.
"I will hold him down so you can heal him, Solas."
The wolf put his head on her lap, allowing her to stroke his fur. She scratched him delicately, knowing how he liked it. She leaned in and whispered into the animal's ear, "This is Solas, ma falon. He will help you."
No dying. Not today.
Solas placed his hands on Fen's leg.
"Mana, falon," she whispered, stroking his fur in a slow, calming manner with her shaking fingers. She could hear her heart, the sound of flowing blood in her ears, her own hitched breath.
Breathe, she reminded herself again and again, in and out.
To find a distraction, she started to study Fen - his eyes, thick fur, teeth, ears. She loved him. He was wild, free, owned by no one, like her.
He was a companion, a partner, a friend, her only connection to reality. Her anchor. He was one of the reasons she was living.
Fal startled at the first tingling warmth of Solas' magic. She could feel it on her skin, his aura reaching her own. The mark on her palm brightened a little, just for a second.
Solas' hands stopped glowing. "He will be fine, and I stopped the bleeding. Still, I need to immobilize his leg," he stated, reaching for his backpack.
"He is not afraid of you." The statement escaped her lips, and she couldn't hide her surprise. She looked at the elf in the darkness.
He stared at the wolf. "He is not."
She patted Fen's head, staring into his eyes. The wolf poked her with his nose and licked her hand. Falherna laughed softly.
"He loves you," Solas said.
"Obviously," she chuckled, her fingers stroking the soft fur.
She watched Solas as he lowered his gaze, his face drawn tight with concern.
"I love him too," she whispered, more to herself than to him. Solas paused, his eyes meeting hers for the briefest of moments before quickly returning to his task.
"Done," he said after a while, bandaging Fen's paw.
"Ma serannas," Falherna thanked him.
He smiled tightly, but when he met her gaze, something in his eyes softened. "It is no trouble."
Falherna helped Fen stand up. The animal tested his leg, sniffing it, raising and lowering it. He made a few steps towards Fal, who laughed again and patted his head. "You'll be fine."
Solas moved back to the distance.
The feeling of Fen's head and nose beside her cheek was a warm, calm sensation she missed. She looked at the fire, her fingers tucked deeply in his fur, sliding slowly along his jaw and ear. It was comforting to feel his muscles again, his strength, the certainty she is no longer alone.
She hugged him and whispered to his ear, "Soon it will be over. We are getting out of here, ma Fen."
She sighed and laid down on her bedroll. For the first time since the hole in the sky opened, it took her only a brief moment to fall asleep.
Solas sat quietly. The fire almost died out; he sent a small fireball at it.
Rubbing the base of his palm against his eyes, he tried to gather his thoughts. He would rest as best he could, but he suspected that his dreams would offer no release.
It happened again; the mark gave him access to Herald's state of mind. The world went blank as his fingers made contact with hers. This time he could see things, but all were fragmented. Images. Emotions. Sensations.
His eyes settled on Herald for a moment, observing her marked hand.
The anchor shouldn't cause this - the strange connection between the barer's mind and him. He never experienced anything like this before.
It was no mind-reading, no telepathy, nothing similar to it.
He sighed; there was no way to test it without engaging Herald in it, and the thought was both exciting and disturbing.
Whatever this incredible power was, Herald did not know about it and consequently did not have any control over it.
He looked away from Herald with a sense of relief. He didn't want to fail at his assumptions - it irritated him. And he didn't want to develop an interest in her hidden thoughts or feelings.
Not worth the effort to uncover them.
The sky was beginning to blush into the evening, turning violet and gold.
Falherna followed the winding road, refreshed by the cold air whipping across her face, raising gooseflesh along her arms. The closer they got to Haven, the calmer she was. There was no way this could work, but she had prepared an alternative solution.
She tucked her hair into a ponytail and scratched Fen behind his ear. He strolled by her side, looking at her from time to time.
Solas and Varric stayed a few steps behind, their attempts at interacting with her unsuccessful.
The conversation with anyone did not interest her at the moment.
She had things to consider to make it work. She was not going to separate herself from Fen.
The world already took her freedom, locking her in one place with unwanted magic in her palm.
She pinched the bridge of her nose as her head started to pound. She was tired, so were Solas and Varric, probably. They found a small clearing less than halfway back to Haven.
"We can camp here," she suggested slowing her steps.
"Good idea, Brighteyes, also I need to talk to you," she was expecting it. Varric would not let this go. She just nodded.
While Varric and Solas lighted the fire and prepared their bedrolls, she placed both hands on either side of the Fen's head and lifted it to look into his eyes. He met her gaze solemnly and let out a soft whine.
"We're going to figure this out. Ara dir'vhen'an," she said with a reassuring smile, pressing a kiss to his nose's bridge.
The wolf buried its head in her chest. She smiled, closing her eyes and absorbing the noises of the approaching night.
Her neck began to stiffen and tense, a tingling sensation spread on her skin, a feeling of someone else's gaze. She didn't know how, but she was sure it was Solas, observing her.
The rising sun had burned most of the mist away. The wind whispered across the long grass and rustled the leaves of the trees lining the dirt road, the gentle sounds of the countryside drowning out the noise of the bustling village. She studied the wildflowers and rocks as they continued climbing up the bridge.
"You know they won't let Fen cross gates of Haven," he heard Varric's words as he got back from relieving himself.
The Herald was humming thoughtfully, her hand never leaving Fen's head. She turned her head to meet his eyes. For an instant, Solas felt caught. Underprepared.
"Not immediately," she muttered, taking a sip of water; a single line appeared between her eyebrows for a second, then her features smoothed out, and emotion fled her gaze.
Solas laid on the bedroll behind the Herald's back and listened to the exchanged. Varric was not wrong humans would not let the woman - even Herald of Andraste - walk among them with the wolf at her side.
"So, you've got a plan, Fal?" Varric leaned in, grinning conspiratorially.
"Always," her answer simple as usual. She quickly changed the subject, talking about someone who they both knew.
Through half-closed eyelids, Solas observed the jewelry in her hair. There were still those odd metallic beads braided in, a claw at the end of one.
She moved her head, and he frowned. Was that a wolf head on one of her braids?
It matters not, if that's a wolf head or something else, he thought.
He closed his eyes, steading his breath. The Herald laughed, and his eyes opened.
Fen turned his head, meeting Solas' gaze.
The wolf watched him as close as Solas, himself, was watching the Herald.
Cassandra stood with her arms crossed staring at Fen, face tense, unease in her eyes.
Falherna clasped her hands behind her back, waiting patiently. At the corner of her eye, she could see gawkers - some curious, some visibly scared of the wolf by her side.
"What's the meaning of this?" snapped Cassandra.
"Seeker...," Varric murmured.
"Let's wait for advisors," Falherna cut in, "I saw you sent for them."
The Seeker looked at her surprised before she shook her head.
"Fine."
Tension settled over them as they waited. Falherna could sense Seeker's anger seething just below the surface.
"What in the Maker's name happened?" they heard Cullen's voice shortly before joining them. Behind him walked Leliana with Josephine, who trying to keep up while pulling her second hand into a coat sleeve.
"Herald?" Cullen's eyes widened when his gaze rested on the wolf. He looked at Falherna, waiting for the explanation.
She did not plan to answer yet. She preferred to remain silent until everyone saw the situation they were in.
Solas stepped closer and now stood beside Fen.
"Oh my!" Josephine covered her mouth, eyeing the wolf.
Leliana kept herself quiet; however, she couldn't hide the smirk on her face.
Cassandra sent Falherna a frustrated glance.
"I will ask again - what's the meaning of this?" her tone icy.
"This is Fen, the wolf I told you about," she explained and held her silence for a beat. "Before you start accusing me of dragging here a dangerous beast, I would like to propose a compromise."
Falherna sighted discreetly, waiting for the flow of words to end.
Humans. They would never disappoint. Were their mind so broken they couldn't recognize what compromise meant?
Her hand automatically found Fen's head, while her fingers stroke the fur.
Out of the corner of her eye, she could see how Solas' gaze kept darting over to her face.
"Herald, I've heard something about a compromise?" the corner of her mouth twitched at Leliana's voice.
She looked at Cullen, Cassandra, and Josephine, who stood in front of her with their confused expressions, and she felt so tired. Tired of the words she did not say yet, of the fights she did not experience yet, of explanations they did not ask of her yet, of the role she did not want, of the fate waiting for her.
"Yes. For the sake of everyone, Fen and I will stay in the Taigen's shack north of Haven," she paused, her blue eyes suddenly sharp, "If you want me to stay, of course."
Her face was so set as to be carved from stone. They regarded each other, both her and Seeker, motionless.
Cullen was the first to interrupt the silence. He took a step towards Fal, and Fen did the same, snarling quietly.
"He doesn't seem to like you, Curly," Varric laughed.
Commander Cullen sent him a brief look, focusing on the Herald.
"We want you to stay, Herald. Without you, we are doomed," he assured her.
Falherna dug her hand into Fen's fur, calming the animal.
"Thank you," she answered, merely looking at the Commander.
"Herald, forgive me for asking but do you ever lose control?" he asked, and immediately his hand gripped the back of his neck.
"In certain specific situations, yes," her tone reserved, eyes studying his body language. He seemed embarrassed. He regretted opening his mouth, obviously.
Luckily Leliana decided to intervene once again.
"If we are done here, I would like to talk to you, Herald. There is a message delivered today," she quickly got straight to the point, bowing her head slightly as if she was trying to hide a little smirk on her face.
"I will gladly talk to you, but I would like to clean up first if you allow."
"You are the Herald, my Lady," her arms tensed when she heard Cullen.
"I am no one's Lady, Commander," she answered with weariness. She was exhausted; her mind and body screamed for rest.
"I will meet you in the war room in an hour." Leliana smiled at her, and the four of them left towards the gate.
She stood there with her hand on Fen's head, feeling eyes on her. Too many eyes - of soldiers, people of Haven, kids, her companions.
"Do you have murderous thoughts, Brighteyes?" Varric joined her.
She said nothing.
With a corner of her eye, she saw Varric's gaze. He was worried about her.
"Do not trouble yourself, Storyteller. Go and rest." she sent him a faint smile, "I will see you later.".
She had never felt so alone as she did standing in the midst of this small village. There was no one to talk to. No one who could understand, comfort her.
She heard the sound of voices and turned to look behind her. The gawkers were slowly scattering. Some were still there, pointing at Fen and whispering to each other.
She moved towards the shack with Fen by her side.
Varric sighed loudly, "Fuck."
Solas looked at him with a raised eyebrow, and the dwarf shook his head as if he wanted to get rid of some persistent thought.
"Fate is a weird thing, Chuckles," he murmured.
"Is it?"
"She is forced to stay amongst humans which she disklike, to put it mildly. She is trapped here. I worry," dwarf seemed to be speaking to himself, but Solas listened carefully.
"You worry because you think the Herald does not have enough strength to endure?" he asked not only out of curiosity. The fact was he wanted to know if she was a flight risk.
Varric snorted "Nah, Chuckles, I do not worry about lack of strength. She has it more than enough.".
Solas frowned trying to make some sense of it while Varric continued. He caught a glimpse of red hair before Herald and her wolf disappeared behind the trees. He wondered how long humans will allow her to stay outside of Haven.
"You know what a cage can do to free man? Imagine having no space to call your own, no choice over who to be with, what to eat, or where to go. Day after day threat and suspicion everywhere," Varric sighed while they passed the main gate.
"I can imagine, Master Thetras," Solas murmured, "I would assume Herald can adapt."
"She is confined to this kind of environment so has no option but to change and adapt," the dwarf face took a grim expression.
"What worries you then?"
"The change. The chronic loss of free choice, lack of privacy, daily stigma. To be honest this constant mask of invulnerability and emotional flatness is the most disturbing factor. I struggle with it since I know her," a small laugh escaped his mouth, "Asked her about it many times but she always dismissed me with silence or stoicism bullshit theory."
They stopped by the fire to warm their fingers. Varric invited him to sit as he handed him a bowl of water. Solas considered it for a moment but refused, waiting impatiently to get back to his cottage. The conversion, while very interesting, took too long already.
"She is not alone. We are all here to support her." he declared however without conviction.
Varric sat silently for a while and Solas was ready to leave when the dwarf looked at him and smiled.
"Yeah, maybe. Maybe the presence of Fen will help or perhaps Faron would be a better solution for her troubles." the dwarf scratched his chin.
Don't ask. It is none of your business.
The question burnt in his mind but eventually never left his mouth. He bowed lightly leaving Varric alone.
