Spencer lay on her bed with her back rested against the frame. She can still hear the faint sound of music despite the howling of the wind outside and the splatter of raindrops on the windowpane. She doesn't remember being in this kind of awkward situation with her before in their entire lives. Aria seemed to have stopped crying now, after sobbing for about an hour, and she's not sure if that's actually a good sign. Spencer wanted to hold her while she cried, but Aria pushed her away. For the first time in her life, her best friend pushed her away and it hurt. It hurt so much. Aria removed her hands from her face now, and Spencer can she her puffy red eyes. Those eyes refused to meet hers though, and instead gazed out the window, watching the wind trifle with the beauty of raindrops falling from the sky. Spencer pushed herself up off her bed and walked towards where Aria was seated. The smaller brunette had her chin resting on her left arm that was perched at the top rail of the red chair. Spencer slowly sat beside Aria.
"Please say something." Spencer whispered to the smaller brunette who had her back turned on her.
Silence.
"Ar."
More silence.
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Aria finally spoke, her voice trembling from having cried so much. "How could you keep this from me for so long? We… we swore to never keep secrets from each other. This… This is just…" Aria shook her head and sighed.
Spencer hung her head and wiped the tears that have fallen from her eyes. "I'm sorry." was all that she managed to say.
Aria finally turned to face the taller brunette. "Spencer, I'm not asking for an apology. I need an explanation. I need you tell me why. I thought you trusted me."
"I do trust you! God, Ar! How could you even doubt that?" Spencer widened her eyes at the smaller brunette.
"But not enough to tell me this! Spence, we tell each other everything. This – it's…" Aria trailed off. She can't even express how much hurt and scared she felt right now.
"I was scared, Ar. I was too scared to tell anyone. To tell you. I don't want people to think I'm weak. I don't want them to see how pathetic I am." Spencer replied with a small voice, playing with the hem of her shirt as she spoke.
Aria grabbed the taller brunette's arm. "Spencer! You of all people should know that I wouldn't think of you that way. You're not weak and you're not pathetic, you hear me?"
"I just… I don't want you guys to treat me any differently and I -" Spencer trailed off, not sure how else to explain what she was feeling.
"I don't want to seem like a burden to you. I don't want you worrying about me all the time. I didn't want anything to change." Spencer finally managed to admit.
"Spence, you're my best friend and I love you. I love you like my own flesh and blood. You will never ever be a burden to me and you can't keep me from worrying about you. Nothing has to change. We can get past this. We will get past this. I'm here for you. I'll always be."
Spencer tilted her head up to meet the smaller brunette's eyes. "I love you too, Ar. You've been so good to me. Better than my own sister ever was."
"What can I do? There must be some way to fix this, to make you better again." Spencer bit her lip and shook her head, feeling the tears welling up in her eyes again.
"There's nothing, Ar. The doctors said so themselves."
"No. There's got to be a way, Spence. I can't – I can't lose you. Please." Aria choked out before pulling Spencer into a tight hug. Aria sobbed as she tightened her arms further around the taller brunette's neck. Spencer closed her eyes and felt hot tears on her cheeks once more. She didn't know what to say, and to be honest, she didn't even know what to do anymore.
"Just please promise me you won't tell Hanna and Emily." Spencer pleaded as she pulled a little away from Aria.
Aria frowned a little at the absurdity of her best friend's request. It was such a huge thing to keep from their two other best friends. "Spence -"
"Please, Ar. I just, I don't want anything to change. Please?" Aria nodded as she gave in to her best friend's wish.
Spencer lay wide awake all night as she recalled the recent events in her head. Instead of the feeling of a weight being lifted off her chest, Spencer felt a stab thru her heart as she told Aria about her condition. The way her best friend broke down - seeing her break down like that for the first time and knowing that she was the cause of it was just so painful. Aria's hand grasped Spencer's arm as she slept, as if fearing that she might suddenly disappear from her side. Spencer placed her hand on top of Aria's as she sobbed quietly next to her sleeping best friend. Spencer carefully wiped the tears that had fallen on her cheeks with the back of her hand as she noticed the sunlight creeping in through her window. A quick glance at the clock told her that it was almost five. Feeling Aria stir beside her, Spencer immediately closed her eyes and pretended to be asleep. She didn't want her best friend to know that she's been up all night.
"Aria?" Melissa called out, wondering what her sister's best friend was doing in their kitchen so early in the morning.
"Hey, Melissa. Breakfast?" Aria smiled as she gestured to the food that she prepared on the kitchen table.
Melissa smiled in surprise as she approached the smaller brunette, her eyes scanning all the food that's on the table. "What's all this?"
"A very healthy breakfast for my best friend. Scrambled eggs with salmon and goat cheese, french toast, fruits and yogurt smoothie and of course, the one thing Spencer can't live without: freshly-brewed coffee." Aria presented with a huge smile. Melissa took a seat and started to eat.
"Ready to go, Ar? What -?" Spencer came to a halt as she reached the foot of the stairs. She was surprised to see Melissa and Aria having breakfast in the kitchen. Spencer dropped her bag on the couch and walked towards the two. Aria pulled her best friend's arm and forced her to sit on one of the chairs.
"Sit. You need to eat something before we go to school." The smaller brunette ordered. Aria began placing tons of food in Spencer's plate. Spencer held her hand up to Aria as the latter was about to feed her with a slice of toast.
"Okay, okay. I can eat by myself, thanks."
Melissa chuckled and popped her last bit of toast into her mouth. She stood up and cleared away her plate and her now empty cup of coffee. "I'm gonna head out. Thank you for the breakfast, Aria." Aria smiled and nodded at the older Hastings.
"All done?" Aria asked as Spencer finished her smoothie. She stood up from her seat and took Spencer's empty plate, gesturing to the taller brunette to stay seated. "I'll take care of it."
After placing the dishes into the dishwasher, Aria walked over to the couch to retrieve her and Spencer's bag. "Ar, why do you have my bag?" Spencer asked as the smaller brunette casually slipped both bags in her arms.
"I'll carry it for you. C'mon." Aria answered nonchalantly and nodded towards the door.
Spencer walked right behind her and tried to get her bag from Aria's arm but the smaller brunette swatted her arm away. "Ar, you know I'm not disabled, right?"
"Shush." Aria flipped her hand and walked outside the door, Spencer following right behind.
"Spencer?"
"Sorry, what was the question?" Spencer snapped out of her daze to find all eyes on her. Mr. Fitz is standing in front of her with his arms folded across his chest. Before he can say another word though, the bell rang, signalling the end of his class.
"Nevermind." Ezra walked back to his table as the students were making their way out of his classroom. Glancing back at his top student, Ezra cleared his throat and decided to summon the brunette. "Spencer, can I have a word with you?" Spencer silently groaned as she gathered her stuff. She nodded at Aria to go on ahead without her. Hanna and Emily followed Aria out as well.
"What's up Mr. Fitz?" Spencer stopped in front of her teacher who was leaning a bit on his desk. She didn't mean to lose her focus while she was in class but she was really tired from not having been able to sleep the entire night. Add to that her being frustrated about how Aria's been treating her like a baby since this morning.
Ezra studied his prized student before he spoke. He took note of the dark circles under her eyes and the exhaustion in her voice as she spoke. "Are you feeling alright? You seemed kind of out of it throughout the whole class. Is something bothering you?"
"No, everything's fine. I just didn't get much sleep last night." Spencer fidgeted as she waited for Mr. Fitz to speak again. Ezra just nodded and gave her a tight-lipped smile. "I'm sorry Mr. Fitz. It won't happen again." She knew he was scrutinizing her, so she refused to meet his eyes. She didn't want another person to worry about her and smother her. Spencer turned to leave but stopped as Mr. Fitz called her again.
"Spencer, my door's always open for you if you need to talk." Spencer gave him a small smile before walking out the door.
Spencer found Aria waiting for her as she stepped outside Mr. Fitz's class. "Everything okay, Spence? You kind'a zoned out in there."
Spencer forced a smile at the smaller brunette and tilted her head towards the courtyard. "Yeah. Just got a headache." Spencer replied as they started walking.
"What?! Oh my god, how long has your head been hurting? Why didn't you tell me right away?" Spencer held her hand up to the smaller brunette. "Calm down. I'm fine."
"Are you sure? C'mon, I'll take you to the clinic." Aria ordered as she grabbed Spencer's bag and carried it again for her.
"I'm fine, Ar. No need to go to the clinic." Spencer gave the smaller brunette a small smile as they stopped and sat at their usual table. Hanna was already seated and is munching on an apple.
"I'm just worried, Spence. Are you hungry? Just sit here, I'll get your lunch."
"No, Ar, I -" Aria walked off before Spencer could protest. "I'm not hungry." Spencer mumbled as she sank back in her seat.
"Okay, spill. What did your little wife do? Why is she acting weird?" Hanna asked the taller brunette as she glanced towards Aria who was making her way to the school cafeteria.
Spencer rolled her eyes at the blonde. "Nothing, Han." Spencer saw Emily approaching their table and felt another stab thru her heart.
"Then why is she - "
"I'm gonna go to the library. I'll see you guys later." Spencer cut the blonde off and started to gather her stuff. Emily placed her lunch tray on the table just as Spencer was about to take off. Spencer gave her a tight-lipped smile before walking off. Emily looked longingly at Spencer's retreating figure before slowly sitting beside Hanna. Spencer barely looked at her all day. All she got from the brunette was that small smile before she walked off. It wasn't as surprise though, since she practically shut Spencer down and sent her away. Emily pushed her food tray away as she suddenly didn't feel like eating anymore.
Aria placed a tray of fruits, salads and sandwiches on the table and turned towards Hanna. "Where's Spencer?" Before Hanna could answer, Aria turned to Emily who was seated beside the blonde. "What did you do this time?"
"She went to the library. Said she wasn't hungry. Why would you assume that Emily did something?" Hanna raised her brow at the tiny brunette.
"Nothing. I'm sorry." Aria mumbled and sat down on the chair that was previously occupied by Spencer.
Emily sighed. "It's okay. I deserved that."
"What are you talking about?" Hanna looked from Emily to Aria.
Emily sighed and told Hanna about what transpired between her and Spencer over the weekend. Though Aria was internally fuming at how Emily hurt her best friend and broke her heart, she decided to stay silent and let Emily talk. The bell rang before Hanna could start asking questions and scold Emily as anticipated. The swimmer quickly gathered her stuff and left Aria and Hanna, both girls sporting mixed reactions on their faces.
Spencer hurriedly walked the hallway towards her locker as soon as the final bell rang. She wanted to leave the school as soon as possible. She was so exhausted and didn't want to run into Aria who's been babying her all day. She managed to avoid Emily all day as well, except for that brief encounter during lunch break. She just wanted to escape from it all. She was surprised to see Jenna standing beside her locker as she slammed its door shut.
"Hey, Spencer. How did your weekend go?" Spencer bit her lip and shrugged.
Jenna eyed her quizzically. "What happened?"
"I don't want to talk about it. It's just -." Spencer whispered. She didn't need to finish her sentence for Jenna to know that the talk between Spencer and Emily didn't go too well.
"Oh, Spencer. I'm sorry." Jenna placed a comforting hand on Spencer's arm, earning her a small smile from the brunette.
"Wanna do something fun? You know, get your mind off things." Jenna offered with a smile, evoking Spencer's curiosity. "Like what?"
"Well, let's see. What would be a fun thing to do for a Hastings? Play board games, solve the rubik's cube, learn how to knit…" Jenna counted one by one on her fingers.
"You're an ass, you know that? And I've already solved the rubik's cube when I was 4." Spencer forced herself to keep a straight face as she snapped at Jenna who rolled her eyes.
"Of course you did." Jenna said mockingly.
Spencer chuckled and shook her head. She leaned back on her locker, suddenly thankful for running into Jenna. Jenna contemplated on her next move, her next words. She wanted to do something, to say something that would put Spencer out of her rotten mood. She heard Spencer's low voice before she could say something.
"Aria knows." Spencer whispered, her eyes fixated on the ground.
"That's a good thing, right?" Jenna smiled though the brunette didn't see it as she continued to stare at the ground.
Spencer shook her head and bit her lip. "I didn't want her to know. I didn't want to tell any of them."
"Why not? Spencer, they are your best friends. They deserve to know. And I know it would be easier for you if they knew. It would be a big weight off your chest."
"I just - I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to hear myself say it. Somehow saying it would make it real." Spencer's lips began to quiver, her voice trembling as she spoke. "And now that she knows, now that we've talked about it, it's just… It feels real now. It is real, and I'm scared." Spencer's eyes widened and she suddenly found it difficult to breathe. She slowly looked up at the green-eyed girl beside her. Jenna met Spencer's eyes and was surprised at what she saw - unadulterated fear. Spencer Hastings, the strongest person she has ever met was genuinely scared. The brunette's wall of defence was shattering in front of her and it broke her heart. "I'm scared, Jenna." Spencer whispered as tears threatened to fall from her eyes.
"It's okay. I got you, Spencer." Jenna held Spencer's hands I her own.
"I'm going to die. I'm going to die." Spencer whispered as she struggled to breathe.
"Spence, c'mon, just take deep breaths okay. Deep breaths." Jenna rubbed Spencer's back while she held one of the brunette's hands in her own. Spencer relaxed a little, thankful that she did just as students filled the hallway.
"C'mon, I'll take you home." Jenna tugged at Spencer's hand and started towards the exit.
Emily scanned the hallways for Spencer. She was sure that the brunette has been avoiding her. She thought that she made the right decision in letting Spencer go, in pretending that she didn't have feelings for her. She had been so jealous and insecure, and she acted on impulse. She had been hurt before, when Maya just up and left without a word. She was so scared that Spencer would do the same, especially after seeing her with Jenna. A half-naked Jenna. She knew that she should have listened to Spencer when the brunette went over to her house to explain. The girl swallowed her pride and confessed her feelings to her, for Christ's sake, but Emily was too far down in her fears and insecurities to have heard it clearly. Spencer wanted her. Spencer wanted to be with her. And now Spencer's been avoiding her all day. All she got from Spencer was a forced smile earlier at lunch, and that hurt. That hurt a lot. She has to fix this. She has to make everything right and hope that Spencer will still want her. She has to. Otherwise my heart will break into a million pieces and I'd just die. Emily thought. She soon caught sight of the brunette making her way outside school with Jenna on her side – holding her hand. Emily sighed. She didn't want to jump into another batch of what if's. She needed to face this. She has to face this. You can do this. Emily whispered to herself. The swimmer hurriedly walked towards the direction of the two girls, calling out to Spencer as soon as she had caught up with them.
"Spence?" Spencer thought she heard Emily's voice, calling her name. Her head was just a mess; full of things running around inside that wouldn't stop. And now her mind is playing tricks on her, hearing Emily call out to her. Spencer walked a little faster, trying to escape everything and just get out of there. She stopped when she felt Jenna's hand tug at hers and she gave her friend a questioning look. Jenna nodded towards Emily, who finally caught up with them and is now standing on Spencer's side.
"Can we talk?" Emily tentatively asked.
Spencer closed her eyes and shook her head. "Not now, Em. I'm sorry but I have to go." Spencer walked off without another word, pulling Jenna by the hand this time.
