There are no excuses for taking this long to uupdate, but I'm going to list them anyway! A cross country move, settling in, a new job, a new relationship, holidays. Things have been pretty hectic over on my end. But please know that I have no intentions of ever abandoning this story. It's my baby, honestly. It may take me a while between updates, but I promise to see this through to the end.

I hope you all enjoy this chapter, and I hope to hear from many of you! Your reviews are what keep me going. To those of you who take the time to give me your feedback, I am forever grateful. None of them go unnoticed, I assure you.

My readers are the best, and I love each of you!

Bekah-Thanks for never giving up on me.

*Kleenex Warning*


*Ashley's POV*

Today should have been one of the happiest days of our young lives I thought to myself. But as I sat in the passenger seat of the car, my body wracked with sobs, all I could feel was pain and devastation. More than anything, I felt terribly alone. This of course is a ridiculous feeling to have because I am anything but alone at the moment. I am a mother to be, I am carrying a child I prayed for and want more than anything, my beautifully perfect daughter. She is with me every moment of the day. But as I continue to cry, my hands gently rubbing my belly, I still cannot help but feel anything but alone.

The pain feels like it's eating me alive from the inside out. I cannot move, I can barely breathe. All I can do is sob. Hot, salty tears pour from my eyes as I hyperventilate, trying so desperately to get air into my lungs.

"God give me the strength! I can't do this on my own!" I cried out as I looked toward the Heavens.

I've lost track of how long I've been in the car now. Five minutes? Thirty Minutes? Time is a total blur. In a matter of seconds, I found my world turned completely upside down and backwards, and nothing, absolutely nothing makes sense anymore.

We had been so excited as I laid on that exam table, my belly exposed, and Michael's hand in mine. He had leaned down ever so gently as he kissed my forehead and whispered that he loved me. As the ultrasound wand danced across my stomach, Michael squeezed my hand, knowing we were only seconds away from finding out whether I was carrying our son or daughter.

In that moment, there was so much hope, so much possibility that lay ahead. And in a matter of seconds, it was ripped from me.

I instantly knew something was wrong. There was something about the way the ultrasound tech kept staring at the screen. She kept taking pictures from different angles, and making strange faces. The probe sat right on top of my uterus a lot longer than it should have. I felt my breath catch in my chest as all sorts of visions filled my brain. Something was wrong, but what? Was my baby missing limbs? Jessica had just last week told me about her cousin, whose baby was operated on in the womb when it was discovered that his spine was exposed. Was that what was wrong with my baby?

"Hey, maybe it's twins." Michael nervously laughed, trying in vain to lighten the mood. But nothing he could have said in that moment would lighten the mood. The tension in the room was thick enough to slice with a knife.

"I just need to get a second opinion, I'll be back shortly." The technician murmured before placing the probe back on the table and exiting the room. She was out the door before I even had a chance to question anything. Laying on the table, with my shirt rolled up and gooey gel still smeared on my stomach, I stared straight ahead at the wall as tears began to fill my eyes.

"Ash, I'm sure everything is perfectly fine." Michael tried to assure me. But I shook my head as I laid there on the exam table. Nothing in that moment was perfectly fine.

"Something's wrong. I can feel it." I whispered before bursting into tears. Silently, my body shook as my emotions began to pour out of me. Something was definitely wrong, and no one was telling me what was going on.

He tried, I'll give him that. As I openly sobbed, feeling so afraid and helpless, Michael did try to comfort me. But it was no use. My mind had instantly jumped to the worst case scenarios, and until I knew what was going on, nothing was going to be able to comfort me.

"What if it's dead?" I gasped, as the idea popped into my head. Immediately I began to feel sick as the thought of having to deliver a lifeless baby came into my brain.

"Oh my God..." I cried, my body shaking. My mascara began to run down my reddened cheeks, and while I knew I had to calm myself down, in that moment, I just didn't know how.

"Ashley, look at me." Michael insisted, but I couldn't. I couldn't face him.

"Baby, I'm serious, look at me." He pleaded. "Look at me Ash."

Turning my face towards his, with tears gushing from my eyes, he locked his eyes with mine.

"We heard the heartbeat, remember? Our baby is not dead, do you hear me? We have a perfectly healthy child, and it is most definitely not dead. You need to believe that. Everything is okay, I promise." He explained to me as he kissed away my tears. "Everything is okay."

The way he had spoken, the way he had taken charge, you would have thought that we were in this together. We were supposed to be a team, the two of us. After three years of dating, and two years of marriage, Michael Beaumont knew everything about me. He had seen me when no one else had, he had promised to love and support me for the rest of my life. But the very second something went wrong, he was nowhere to be found.

I looked over to the empty drivers seat. He had left me alone. The sound of him slamming the car door echoed in my brain as I leaned my head against the window.

He had left me alone.

"...You have options."

My head whipped around at the sound of this. Options? Options?! What options? My option was to bring this darling girl into the world. Healthy or not, she was my girl, and I was going to do whatever I had to to give her life.

"Options?" Michael echoed, as if he was curious to know what our choices were, as if we had a choice in this.

"Ninety two percent of couples faced with a Down Syndrome prognosis choose to abort." The doctor informed us.

"And that's still a possibility? Even with Ashley being so far into her pregnancy?"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. And suddenly, out of nowhere, came a strength inside of me that I never knew existed. My maternal instincts had kicked in, and I was ready for a fight.

The doctor looked down to the floor before sighing and regaining his composure. "Late term abortions are available when there is a health concern to mother or child."

"Don't you even think about coming anywhere near my body with drugs! Unless it's an epidural, you stay the hell away from my body and my baby!" I yelled as my body lunged forward, hands on my belly. I was ready to be her voice.

"Ashley, calm down." Michael said softly, his hand on my shoulder. I glared over at him as I pushed his hand away.

"Calm down? I sure as hell will not calm down Michael Joseph! This is our daughter. Our daughter! Do you see that image right there?! She is a person! She has a heartbeat, she has a head, a torso, arms, legs, she is your child!"

I pulled the ultrasound out of my purse and ran my fingers across it.

I had yet to feel her kick me, but she was mine, she was all mine. This was a baby that was planned for, she was tried for, wished for, hoped for. She was wanted.

"Ninety two percent Ash! Do you have any idea what a staggering statistic that is?!" Michael screamed as we drove down the highway. My face was locked into a hardened glare as I folded my arms and stared out the window wondering how my husband could possibly be so heartless. We had heard her heartbeat. We had discovered her gender. And all of that meant absolutely nothing to Michael.

"I love her." I whispered, unable to face him.

"We can make another one." He insisted.

"Jesus Christ, Michael! It's a fucking baby, not a burnt cake!" I screamed, the tears returning as I listened to him so carelessly toss away our child in the hopes that the next one would be "perfect".

Slamming his hand against the steering wheel, he shook his head. "Fucking unbelievable, Ashley. What, you're the only one who has a say in this? Because I'm the man, and I'm not the one carrying the child, I get absolutely no say in this whatsoever? What if I don't want her?" He began.

"What if I had dreams for my child? What if I envisioned a life for her that didn't involve six different types of doctors, therapy, and special accommodations? I had visions of teaching our child to ride a bike, to play baseball, to dance. I had dreams dammit!"

My face softened as I turned to face him. "And what? You think I didn't have any dreams myself? Do you honestly think I didn't envision dance classes, teaching her to bake, family vacations, and bedtime stories? We can still have all of that with her Michael! It'll just be a little different."

We would have incredible support, I knew we would.

Michael and I both came from big families. While he grew up with two brothers and three sisters, I was the youngest of four daughters. And, there was of course, our friends. We had endless resources to pull from, and I knew we would never be alone on this journey. Was it going to be an easy journey? No, it wouldn't be. Was it what we had dreamed of? Of course not. But how could he turn his back on your child, his flesh and blood?

"Dammit Ashley! I don't want different! I want normal!"

He pulled the car into the driveway, and put it in park.

"I did not sign up for this life, okay? I didn't. Ashley, I swear..." But he trailed off before he could finish, turning his head to avoid looking at me.

"You swear what?" I questioned, knowing deep down that I didn't want to know the answer.

Michael turned his head to look me square in the eye.

"You have this baby, and I swear, I swear I will leave you."

And with that, he pulled the keys out of the ignition, and slammed the car door, leaving me alone in the passenger seat.

He had left me alone.

My phone was beeping almost constantly with new text messages. The girls knew that I was going to the doctor for an ultrasound that we hoped would reveal the gender of our baby. What they didn't know was that my daughter was sick. What I didn't know was how I was going to tell them.

Unwilling to listen to the beeping any longer, I reached into my purse and grabbed my phone. All of the girls, my Bella sisters wanted to know about our baby.

"Well...Bella or Treble? Please say Bella!"-Aubrey

"Little Miss or Little Mister?"-Beca

"Pink or blue?"-Chloe

"Lashes or staches?"-Stacie

"Prince or Princess? Auntie is so excited either way!"-Jessica

"What's the verdict? Suits or Dresses?"-Cynthia Rose

Amy had sent half a dozen messages, frustrated that I wasn't responding.

"Hamburger or hot dog?

HerSHEy or HersHEy?"

"Mounds or Almond Joy?"

"Cupcake or stud muffin?"

"Plain or Peanut?"

"Hello! You there?"

Scrolling through to the next message, I scrunched my face up in response to Lily's messages. Which, although expected, were downright weird.

"Orange or Purple?"

"Eggs or Tadpoles?"

And just as I had finally gotten through all my messages, Jessica text me again.

"Ash I'm starting to get worried, it isn't like you to not answer me like this. Nobody has heard from you. I'm not sure exactly what's going on, but please call/text me. I love you."

I love my friends, my sisters, more than life itself, but in that very moment, I just wanted to scream. There was only one way to make it all stop, and for the first time in my life, I lost my temper and opened the car door and promptly threw my iPhone onto the concrete, shattering it into pieces.

Leaving the phone in the driveway, I walked into the house, completely ignoring my husband. As I headed into our bedroom, I closed and locked the door before crawling into bed and pulling the covers up over myself.

All I wanted was to wake up from this nightmare.


Across town, Jesse Swanson was having a very different evening. He smiled to himself as he thought about the fact that he was just hours away from a ten day vacation with his wife and daughter. As he checked on the pot roast in the slow cooker once more, he could hear Mulan playing in the living room.

Ancestor: My children never caused such trouble. They all became acupuncturists.

Ancestor: Well, we can't *all* be acupuncturists.

Ancestor: No! Your great-granddaughter had to be a cross-dresser!

Jesse chuckled to himself as he closed the lid and dried his hands with with the dish towel. He was about to join Alex in the living room while they waited for Beca to come home, but as he began to make his way out of the kitchen, he heard the distinct ping of his cell phone. Figuring it was Beca, Jesse glanced over at it briefly, only to be surprised when Damian's name popped up on his screen.

Damian, Beca's assistant, was a great guy, and helped Beca out at work immensely. But he and Jesse rarely communicated, so when he received the text message, Jesse's curiosity peaked.

"Hey man, just a heads up. I'm not sure what kind of mood Beca was in when she woke up this morning, but mama is on the warpath. If I were you, I'd cover my junk and tell her those jeans make her ass look fabulous."

Jesse blew out a breath as he looked over the message. He had so been hoping for an enjoyable dinner together as a family.

"Ahh shit. How bad are we talking about here?" He quickly scrawled out. Damian's reply was instant and just in time as Jesse heard the garage door open and Beca's car pull in.

"Well, for starters, she made an intern cry. And when Jax told her that J Cole was running over his studio time, she flipped him off and told him to suck her dick, so..."

Jesse looked up at the sound of the door opening and Beca making her way inside. Alex instantly jumped off the couch and went running into Beca's arms.

"Mommy!" Alex shrieked as she wrapped her arms tightly around her mother's neck. Beca closed her eyes as she smiled and kissed Alex's hair.

"Hi baby." She greeted. Jesse could hear the lingering hoarseness of Beca's voice. It had been a long two weeks for their family. The previous week, Beca and Alex both had come down with the flu from hell, and dealt with high fevers, stuffy noses, vomiting, and chills. Because of this, Beca was out of commission three work days. Being just days away from her vacation, and under pressure to complete Adele's latest album, Beca had spent Monday and Tuesday night in Manhattan throwing in hours of overtime to make up for time lost. As a result, Beca was completely spent and exhausted, and Jesse could hear it in her voice.

Beca instructed Alex to go wash up for dinner as she set her stuff down. Alex hopped out of Beca's arms and ran off down the hall to the bathroom. It was then that Beca sighed and looked over towards Jesse, smiling softly.

Jesse walked across the kitchen and looked down to her as he wrapped his arms around her waist. Beca leaned up on her toes, wrapped her arms around Jesse's neck and kissed him slowly, allowing herself a moment to enjoy the feel of his lips against her's.

"I'm so tired." Beca whispered against Jesse's lips, her nose grazing his. Jesse released her lips and kissed her cheek as he rested his head in the crook of her neck, smelling her perfume.

"I know you must be. Dinner's all ready, and I'll run you a bath afterwards." Jesse offered.

"Mmm...I love you." Beca whispered, kissing Jesse once more.

"I love you too, Bec. Why don't you go upstairs and get changed." He suggested. Beca nodded and pulled away from his as she went to make her way upstairs.

Beca Swanson was exhausted. That was an understatement. And so, when her foot hit Alex's Doc McStuffin's medical bag, the one Beca had asked her three times to pick up and take to her room, and sent her straight onto her back, it was the final straw.

"Alexandra Kate Swanson!" Beca bellowed. "Stairs, now!"

Timidly, knowing she was in trouble, Alex made her way into the foyer.

"How many times have I asked you to put your doctor bag away? How many?" Beca asked harshly as she began to get up off the floor. It was extremely rare that Beca ever raised her voice to Alex, and Alex wasn't quite sure how to respond. Instead, she stood there, her bright blue eyes staring up at Beca.

"Answer me when I talk to you, Alex!"

"I'm sorry, mommy." She whispered. Alex could feel her face getting hot and the tears began to come to the surface as Jesse walked into the room. She took one look at him before bursting into tears and running over to him, desperate to be held. Jesse picked Alex up and she immediately buried her face into his neck as she wrapped her tiny arms around his neck.

"Bec..."

Beca took a moment to readjust as she took a deep breath and calmed down.

"Alex, I'm sorry for yelling." Beca apologized. Jesse rubbed Alex's back soothingly. She peaked her head out slowly. "I don't like it when you're mad at me mommy, it scares me."

Beca sighed, feeling guilty for upsetting Alex. She had been feeling off all week, and Beca hoped that this vacation would be just what she needed to start feeling herself again.

"And it upsets me when you don't do as I ask. But I shouldn't have yelled, and I'm very sorry."

Alex squirmed out of Jesse's arms and got down to the floor to gather up her toys.

"I'm sorry you fell. I'll go put it upstairs right now."

Beca bent down to Alex's level and kissed her forehead. "Thank you, baby."

As Alex headed upstairs, Jesse walked over and rubbed Beca's arm. "You okay?"

Beca nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired is all. I'm gonna go upstairs and get changed. I have a feeling it's going to be an early night." She explained as she kissed Jesse and headed up to their bedroom.

As she walked into the closet to change into some more comfortable clothes, her phone began to ring. And though she really wasn't in the mood to talk, Beca answered without even bothering to see who was calling.

"Hello?" She snapped.

"Well hello to you too princess! Wake up on the wrong side of the bed did we?" Amy questioned. Beca rolled her eyes.

"Don't think I can't tell you're rolling your eyes. I'm telling you, you keep doing that and they're going to get stuck one day."

"Sure thing, mom. Now seriously, what do you want? I feel like shit. I'm still trying to get over being sick, and I'm absolutely exhausted after working fifty four hours in four days." Beca explained as she wiggled out of her jeans.

"Alright, alright, I can take a hint. I can get to the point, I can say what it is that needs to be said in record time. I can-"

"Amy! What's up?" Beca interrupted.

"Oh. Well, the sky, airplanes, me after a few too many shots of Fireball."

"I'm about ready to hang up on you if you don't get to the point."

Amy sighed. "Okay, okay. Have you heard from Ashley today? Jessica is flying off her rocker and needing to breathe into a paper bag because she hasn't heard from her in the last thirty seconds. But, she has been ignoring all of us. And I know that pitch is reading my messages! It says she saw them at 3:45. Lily called to talk to me about it, I think...but I couldn't hear a word she was saying. I think she might have had a penny under her tongue again."

Beca shook her head as she finally slipped on some leggings and her oversized Bella t-shirt. "Look you weirdos need to chill for five minutes. So we haven't heard back from her on whether it's a boy or girl. Give her time Amy. Ashley is a very rational and sensible human being. When she's ready to tell us, she will. Besides, we're about to spend a week together in Disney World. It'll come out eventually."

"Yeah, yeah, alright, I guess you're right. Now go get yourself a catnap, Shawshank. I'm not about to put up with ten days of your sassy I mean loveable attitude."

Beca laughed softly. "Goodbye, Amy. I'll see you at the airport in the morning."

"Belly and I will be there! Night Bex, love you."

"Love you too."

Beca hung up the phone and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Yeah, maybe I will take a quick catnap. Just ten minutes, all I need is ten minutes..."


My eyes began to flutter, and I shifted in bed. The knocking on the door continued softly. Rubbing my eyes, I sat up in bed and looked over at the clock. It was 7:30 at night and I had just woken from a four and a half hour nap. My head was killing me.

I got up out of the bed and walked over to open the door. Michael stood before me, unable to look me in the eye.

"Jessica called. She was flipping out about not being able to get in touch with you and wanted to make sure you were still alive. Stacie wanted to make sure you were okay and would still be arriving tomorrow." He informed me.

I felt immensely guilty for causing Stacie a distraction when she should have been totally and completely focused on her wedding. I made a mental note to at least get in touch with her and let her know everything was fine. I had to let everyone know that everything was just fine. At least for now. While I hated having to lie, I wasn't about to take away from Stacie's day.

"Can we talk?"

Michael nodded as he made his way into the room and sat on the bed. Sitting next to him, I felt the distance betweeus and hated it. I had never felt uncomfortable with Michael until now. Looking over to the man I fell in the love with and wanted to share my entire life with, I felt my heart ache. I didn't know this person sitting next to me. The man I had fallen in love with five years ago would have never allowed me to go through this alone.

"Do you remember the night she was conceived?" I asked him, trying so hard to stay in control of my emotions. Michael simply nodded his head.

"It was my birthday, and we took that trip to New Orleans." I knew he remembered, but I wanted to remember too.

"We had just started trying the week before, and that night, you made love to me over and over again. So much love, so much passion." It was useless at this point to try and stop the tears, so I gave in and allowed them to flow freely. "You kissed my stomach and told me you hoped we made a baby that night. A baby with your green eyes, my melodic voice, and our passion for music. Michael...this little girl has all of that. I am seventeen weeks pregnant. She's starting to form her fingerprints, she's startled by noises, she has a heartbeat of 142 beats per minute. This baby is apart of me and I have bonded with her. So she'll need a little more help in some areas, but this is our baby, and in my eyes, she will always be perfect. Please, please do not ask me to make this kind of decision. Please do not leave me alone in this." I sobbed as I poured my heart out to Michael, begging him not to leave me. Begging him to help me through this devastating news. But he continued to sit next to me, staring straight ahead, with absolute zero emotion.

"I meant what I said and I said what I meant Ashley. I'm not doing this. We would be taking care of her the rest of our lives. Forget vacations, forget date nights, forget having a life of any kind. Our entire focus would be on this child. And when we die? What then? We burden our other children? No way in hell."

His hands were clenched into fists, his face was hardened.

"I love her." I cried. "I can't abort her. I can't."

Michael nodded his head. "I'll start looking for places tomorrow and be out by the time you get back from Disney. You can stay here, I will make sure to keep up with the mortgage payments."

"Michael, please! I am literally begging you with everything I have. Please do not do this to me, to us!" I screamed.

He got up and walked back toward the bedroom door. With his back to me, his hand on the doorknob, he stayed firmly in place. "Goodbye, Ashley." He whispered coldly.

"You mean goodnight." I replied, correcting him.

"No. I mean goodbye."

He told me it was going to be ok...and yet he left me alone. The love of my life had just walked out on me...for good.