*Disclaimer I don't not own Ouran Host Club
Back In Our World
Ok there's a few things you need to know before you read this chapter.
When you read the bold Italic it's the mystery POV's subconscious voice as to what you see here .For what must have been hours on a cold winter day in the streets of Milan
When it's in just italic It's the mystery's POV normal conscious thoughts in a dream that's fighting his own subconscious Like the writing you see here .For what must have been hours on a cold winter day in the streets of Milan
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Chapter 7 Screaming words from within.
Mystery subconscious POV
Flash….
A rapid throbbing rings in my ears with my eyes scrunched tight. I mindlessly reach a hand up to my defective lungs to press my fingers firmly in the center of my aching chest. Desperately gasping for any bit of the chilled air that floated around me. "Hey, if you can't do this I understand….It might be too soon for you since…." My brother's comforting hand slowly rub circles on my back.
Hunched over I just shake my head. "No, I need to do this….there is no more time. "
A concerned voice floats over my head. "I'll be here if you need me to make up some sort of excuse ….Just give me your normal sign. Okay? "
With my nearly empty stomach rolling all I can do at this moment is force a small nod to my head. Compelling my tightly sealed eyes to open with that one thought. 'There was no more time.' My hand tightens around something cold and metallic while I hear cautious metallic footsteps go on ahead. Slowly blinking I can see a fresh pair of finely crafted dark blue suede loafers stretched out from the ends of my narrowed black pant legs. Recognizing the moment in time I flashed to by my unusual choice of footwear. No, not this …..Anything but this one.
Well, you big dummy, it looks like you needed a reminder…..and what better time than this particular moment….A sarcastic voice speaks out.
A pair of shoes that caught my attention after mindlessly strolling the polished stones of no particular cobbled street. For what must have been hours on a cold winter day in the streets of Milan.
Don't you remember your urgent trip to Italy to force your heart to let go.
With a frozen breath released from my chest my golden eyes watched through an impeccably polished glass window. A white bearded gentleman glanced up his brown eyes to give me a polite smile while finishing his work on the simple display. With his worked finished he walked from the display window to a clear glass door to reach up a hand to flip his open sign.
My shattered heart began to pump once more. Before I knew what the hell I was doing I was almost forcing my way through the door past the man. To only point to the shoes in his window. Quickly reaching for my chained wallet I held up two fingers with my elite black card laced between them with a smirk on my lips. The irritated man's lips widen and curl before showing me a seat. A little while later I strolled out of the store with a new spring in my step wearing my new shoes. Something I wouldn't do normally knowing the season I was in at the time could wreak havoc on a pair of this type of shoe in an instant. But I simply didn't care I was drawn to them….and for some reason the moment I slipped just a tiny bit better. You big dummy it's called retail therapy.
Now, the mere sight of them twisted my stomach in pain and would soon never see the outside of a shoe box ever again…buried in the very depths of my closet.
Yes, but keep in mind after all these years the shoes remain in your closet to this very day …when you could easily ask a servant to get rid of them but you choose to keep them …maybe you should be asking yourself the reason why.
Damn it, why does it always have to be that day. I hiss through my teeth forcing my body upright to follow my brother's metallic footsteps. He quickly glances over his shoulder. "Are you ready for this?"
Nodding my head he takes a deep breath before timidly extending a hand to the glossed steel outer door to gently wrap his knuckles against it.
I already told you…. You need a painful reminder. Your ignoring what your entire being is screaming for , look call it a subconscious slap to the face to possibly wake your conscious self up to what you're purposely denying.
Stepping back we both force smiles on our faces before the door quickly swings open. "Hey guys, what are you two doing here?"
We both stroll in without a care in the world before I begin to speak. "What, were here to help you pack…" While shrugging my shoulders.
My brother finishes my thought. "Knowing you Haru….you just threw a few practical things in a suitcase and left it at that. "
"Yeah, imagine spending a year in the states with one measly suitcase to choose from." With my observation I push myself to chuckle.
"Give me some credit guys I packed two suitcases." The brunette crosses her hands at her chest with a bit of irritation flashing in her adorable face.
"Haru, the carryon doesn't count." My brother matches my forced chuckle. His golden eyes slide in my direction to search for an okay to continue with our little plan. Cautiously pausing for a moment to check my heart before swallowing hard and nodding my head to my brother.
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If I had really known what I was nodding to… I would have grabbed her by the hand that second and thrown her over my shoulders. Kidnapping the girl in the dark of night as she most likely strikes my back with tightened fists repeatedly….But at the time I didn't know. My heart clenched tightly in my chest.
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Now, now, you can't change the past I tend to agree with you though that would have been a far better outcome then now ….but again ask yourself this you big dummy. Why is it you threaten you would have kidnapped her in the past but now with all the resources at your fingertips you no longer search for her…..why is that? Yeah, yeah I know if she wanted to find you your right here. Blabby Blah blah…. Damn it, you're like a broken record .Did you ever consider maybe there's a reason she can't come to you? You big dummy.
"Haru, you're traveling with a Suoh now. The way I see it you have two choices. Choice number one. Not two days after you get there you will be pulled all over an impromptu visit to New York to shop endlessly with an overly excited boss for left behind items." My brother holds one finger up as he explains.
"And choice number two?" Seeing her visually shiver with the thought of being pushed, pulled and generally man handled by the Boss in his endless shopping spree.
With my freshly bandaged heart burning. We each pull up our hands to shake several bags next to our faces with a pair of identical mischievous smiles plastered on our lips.
"Fine. " Her head falls in defeat while walking over to close the door.
Flash…..
Several rather tense and awkward hours flash by. My brother sits next to a sizeable travel trunk resting in the middle of Haru's bed. When he flashes an apologetic look in my direction before clearing his throat. He quickly runs a quick hand through each of the bags before speaking. "It looks like we left some bags at home, I'll just pop over with the car and go get them. I shouldn't me more than a few minutes. "
"There's no need I'll be more than fine with what you brought." Haruhi, motioning to the stacks of neatly folded clothes
"Haru, you obviously don't have a clue at how your life is about to change." My brother shakes his head as he swiftly stands to zip a formal evening gown in a travel garment bag hung off the back of the door.
"I'll go with you." I quickly start to shift in my seat.
My brother shakes his head as he holds up his arms signaling for me not to follow him "No, one of us needs to stay here otherwise Haru will start pulling pieces she thinks are unnecessary…Goodbye Haru, I'll see ya soon." He lets out a long sad sigh before speaking in a heart breaking tone his last few words. He pauses at the threshold of the room to share an encouraging look before turning his head back to disappear a few seconds later.
I now know what my brother selflessly sacrificed that night but …back then at that moment I was spitting venom for my twin for leaving me brotherless. ….Leaving me with her.
Even now my body burns with certainty of the girl being my other half. The only reason my chest found itself blessed with life and was allowed to pump tirelessly was for the brunet and only her…
Careful, didn't you just admit…
Quite it you.
Turns out by the time I even remotely figured this out ….it was far too late I had lost before I really even had a chance …..She had fallen for him. At the time it hurt like a bitch in fact to this very day it's still hurts.
You big dummy, you did it again. Can't you see you're causing yourself relentless pain and soon irreparable damage to yourself and to others? You simply stopped caring and drowned yourself in nameless girls to dull the pain. Denying your screaming inner voice. Now you want to seal your poor brother's fate with your little trick to dull the never ending pain …..Enough to live a somewhat of an empty shell of an existence…..at least he tries to deal with his pain, instead of hiding from it.
Enough! Dam it! Can we just move on with it?
Fine, but your no fun…
Sliding my eyes over even with the tense atmosphere between us she had a light smile on her face while humming a little tune. Carrying on with the ever mounting stack of items we brought as somewhat of a piece offering. She was truly happy …. I couldn't blame her, the happy go lucky blonde just had this inherent way about him that even pulled myself and my brother to take the first few steps from our little world.
Letting out a heavy sigh. "Hika, is this what's left of our friendship?" The brunette sits on her bed with her head pointed down staring at a small picture frame that normally sits on her nightstand.
"What are you talking about were perfectly fine ….your imagining things." While sitting on the other end of her bed I force a smile and extend out my sock covered foot to playfully nudge her arm.
Sliding the small framed picture in the side of her carry on. "Hika, you can't wear a mask as well as Kao, we've been in the same class for two years together ….In fact I know you to well. I know unlike Kao you tend to prefer to be completely clear and honest with your feelings out for all to see…So I'll ask you again is this what's left of our friendship? " She turns her brown emotional eyes in my direction.
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Swallowing hard I somewhat pause before answering. "What do you want from me Haru, I'm doing the best I can!? You didn't really think we were going to let you leave for the states with the boss for who knows how long without saying goodbye to our best friend, did you?" My emotionally driven eyes flash in her direction as I slam a stack of neatly folded items in to the trunk.
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Releasing a long breath I try to reign my shattered heart so not to ruin are last few remaining moments together. "Look, it's just a bit soon for me …..I know what burns in my chest to be true but I'm ok to look pass that as long as your happy …as long as he makes you happy …..Then I'll learn to live with the loss."
"Hika..." A heartbreaking soft tone falls from her lips.
"Can you tell me one thing was I even remotely close …to winning."
Her eyes slide away from me as she nervously bites her lip. "Hika… I shouldn't say."
Extending a hand to nervously run through my hair. "No, Haru I need to know w….w….was I even close?"
After what felt like decades she slowly nods her head before speaking in a pained soft voice. "Yes early on there was a time I was drawn to you …..and Kao for different reasons…..I guess that's one of the reasons I formed such a close friendship with the two of you."
Her words stoked the flames in my chest to burn hotter. "Well at least I know the feeling was somewhat shared for a brief moment in time …..That's something." Forcing an upbeat tone while my head falls in defeat and I shrug my shoulders.
She softly speaks with her brown eyes gazing in my direction. "Hika, I never intended to hurt the two of you. It's just one of those things …I love him and I can't let him go …he needs me .He really has no one to love him….besides me."
"Yeah, yeah, I understand there's no need to repeatedly shove it in my face….I get it." Speaking in my normally blunt tone. Leaning my head back against the wall.
"Now there's the real Hika shining through." She forces a chuckle.
"Haru, I honestly hope everything works out between you and the boss …..But if it doesn't or you need anything at all will you come to us first? At least consider giving me a chance ….with whatever you need whether it be enormously huge or microscopic? ….. I love you Haruhi and like it or not I always will …..You're my best friend."
"Ahh Hika that's not fair to Tamaki …..I can't agree to that." Haru shakes her head as she folds another piece of clothing.
Scooting close to my friend I timidly extend a comforting hand to rest on her hand. Lifting my head to gaze in to her eyes with pleading eyes I begin to speak honestly. "Haru, I already told you I wish for nothing less than for the two of you to have overwhelming happiness, your both my friends…This is just for the tiniest "what if " you need anything at all …as friends …Please Haru promise me just this ….I can't ever… ." Choosing to not rip off the freshly placed band aid over my heart I trail off…it was just too painful to even think about it ….. Let alone speak about it.
She drops her head to busy herself with a blue garment laced in her fingers to avoid my emotionally driven golden eyes. Reluctantly nods her head before speaking firmly. "Fine….just as friends."
Giving her a small nudge with my elbow. "Best friends?"
"Yes, of course best friends Hika." She uncharacteristically throws her arms around my shoulder to nuzzle her head in my chest.
Partially frozen with her close proximity I can only manage to raise a hand to lightly rub circles on her back. My freshly healed heart burned for her touch …..She fit in my arms perfectly ...besides my brother my heart knew she's the only one who would ever perfectly fit in them.
"Oh I'm sorry Hika it's too soon I shouldn't." She pulls back a bit but my other arm manages to hold her close.
Oh, I'm sorry, I should skip this part, and after all you avoid people with brown eyes. Don't you?
No wait ….this is the only part that makes the rest bearable.
With my body relaxing under her arms I begin to speak in a soft tone. "No, its okay …just this once I think I can manage to keep it together for this." Shifting my head so my cheek rests nicely over the girl's head I lightly chuckle while squeezing her tightly. We stay wrapped in each other's arms with only our even breaths breaking the silence.
It turns out my brother never returned. After a while not wanting to give Tamaki the wrong idea about our friendship. I forced myself to make my excuses and reluctantly left when it became far too late for just friends of the opposite sex to be alone in an empty apartment…..especially when one of those friends recently confessed his feelings to the other. It was nearly impossible to leave her side but it's what she wanted. The only thought that made it even bearable is that once everything calmed down my brother and I could easily take a jet and fly out at a moment's notice to see our best friend.
You big dummy the problem is you two never get the chance. Why the hell didn't you listen to what your heart was screaming for? My subconscious thought bursts out.
Flash…..
The next subconscious thought causes a flash and again I find myself sprinting up the metal stairs with my heart racing. Glancing down I notice my Italian blue shoes lightly pushing off the steel step to swiftly take another step.
Dam it! This too? Why not show me the first time she could tell us apart …or better yet the thunderstorm?" Really twist it in and cause me all sorts of unending pain.
No, I'll wait for another night to share those with you.
My heart dropped to my feet when my brother abruptly stopped in front of me. Hearing an old woman's voice. "I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this young man ….they're not coming back. I've been told to sell or give away what was left in the apartment that, they couldn't take it with them…..and before you ask Fujioka-san didn't say where they were going. "
Oh, look here comes the good part…..do you remember how your heart raced just looking for her father? How much do think it would pound if you managed to find her?
I'll ask you another question. How much do think my heart can take with the continued disappointment when our searches come up with nothing.
You won't know until you try.
Again can we just get on with the dream?
After hearing those words I push pass my brother to begin to sprint for her father's room. The bed was unmade and items were scattered all over the room. Leaping on to the bed I manage to quickly step to the closet to toss out my arms to jerk it open. My heart freezes at the sight of a row of empty metal hangers hung in the closet with a few items still haphazardly hung. Whipping my body around I hastily run and check every room to search for the redheaded cross dresser. With every abandoned room I leap to get to my heart begins to crack .Rushing pass empty picture frames carelessly hung.
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Racing to get to the last room my heart lurches in my throat as I throw open the door. Everything was neatly stuck in time from the last time I was there…minus the open trunk and the piles of folded clothes. Plopping down on her perfectly made bed I glance around the room. When my eyes catch sight of the only out of place item in the entire room. My delicate heart instantly splintered with the sight of the item while bending over to extend a shaky hand. Reaching down next to my accursed blue shoes, the same shoes I happen to be wearing when we said our goodbyes. My fingers timidly wrapped around the small familiar frame before letting my hand fall.
You want to know why I deny everything. Well, take a good look …..This is the pain I try and forget everyday .It never fucken goes away …..So why can't you just leave me the hell alone?
Because subconsciously you don't want me too. You know it's not going to get any better until you find her. In fact if you keep on denying your feelings you won't recover the next damn break, leaving your twin alone … …is that fair to him? You know why he can't let go. It's the same reason I'm here, right now….you both fucken love that girl…..now stop screwing around with the models and go find her.
We've tried ….
Then try again, dam it, the pain is just going to get worst!
Fine, let's move along and get this over with …
It started with a small single tear trailing down my cheek. Unconsciously reaching up a hand for my fingers to lightly brush across the wet trail. An old constant feeling escaped the chained door I kept deep within my chest. Where I forcefully locked away my unreturned ever burning feelings for the brunet. ….but seeing the same small frame remain in the deserted room the door holding my emotions begins to bulge and creek before a minute later it bursts wide open causing my heart to shatter.
Silent tears begin to cascade down my redden cheeks. A familiar pair of footsteps rushes into the bedroom where my brother instantly throws his arms around me. "Shhh, Hika we'll find her."
Rocking back and forth in my brother's arms. "Why would the boss just leave her? It doesn't make any damn sense …...Kao, I can't lose her….not like this." My fingers clench tightly on to my brother's soft coat while my heart wrenching words fall from my lips.
My brother tightens his hold on me. Extending his trembling hand to comfortingly rake his fingers through my hair. He speaks with lips pressed against my head. "I know it doesn't make any sense now, but we will find her." He quickly pulls the picture frame from my fingers.
Drops of liquid fell from cheeks and splatted against one of my brother's hand. "Why Kao ….why did she have to leave us?" My miserable voice cracked.
"Hika, we will fix this." Sounding determined I felt relieved that at least one of us could show strength at the moment. Seeing as it felt like the only thing from keeping myself from completely crumbling was my brother's arms.
Pulling back a bit before frantically lunging forward to grasp tightly on the lapels of my brother's tan coat. Desperately gazing up with tear filled eyes. "Kao, promise me you won't leave me too …..I just can't take any more people I love disappearing…. .Kao, please promise me."
With emotionally driven eyes he pause for a moment before nodding his head sharply. "Alright Hika, I promise ….you know I won't leave brother."
Well, I guess my little visit is coming to an end ….See ya till next time.
My forehead fell against my brother's chest as I mumble out more words into the fabric of my brother coat. "She promised too if she needed …she promise why hasn't she called us?"
"I'm not sure, Hika?" My brother's shoulders begin to shake as his mask finally slips off as he too begins to crack.
"She promised damn it…. she promised me….she promised …." I repeated my words against my brother's chest as tears continued to wander down the previous wet trails on my distraught face.
My head suddenly jolts up with the nightmare like words screaming from my lips. "She promised to come to me ….why didn't she come to me?" My eyes snap wide open causing my head to frantically search around the room. Glancing down To find my tablet tightly held with my fingers resting on my terry cloth covered chest. Blinking around the room fully awake I can see I had fallen asleep after our dinner waiting for my brother.
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Tossing the tablet to the table that displayed a spreadsheet on the screen. With shivering hands I reach up to tightly push my unsteady fingers into my damp ginger locks. Leaning down with my unstable head resting in my hands I force myself to take a long deep breath before taking another to slowly come down from my agitated state. "Damn that one was real." Speaking in a shocked tone.
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"Hika, did you say something?" My ginger headed twin pops his head into the doorway."
Straightening myself up I motion to my tablet on the table. "Ah no …it was just something from work …..Um Kao, please tell me you're finally ready."
My younger brother strolls into my room with his hands tucked into the pockets of his white terry cloth robe. "Ha-ha, I wasn't that long. I just needed to try and get ahold of my assistant."
"Any luck?" I can't help but chuckle.
My brother flops in the chair next to me before pulling his hand from his pocket to check his phone. "No, I don't think the flowers are going to work this time."
"Serves you right having your "little guilty pleasure" at the office." Chuckling as I tease my brother.
Propping his feet on the upholstered ottoman. "Oh please, like you should talk …sometimes that's all the so called work you do in your office." He rolls his eyes at my little joke.
"Exactly, I'm never in trouble because my assistant expects me to do it ….You're a boy scout so your assistant can't handle it coming from you…..so you end up with a pissed off assistant ."
"I'm not a boy scout …and you know that damn it." My brother flashes his irritated look from his phone straight in my direction.
"Calm your jets you just have to show your assistant who the boss is.
Leaning over to extend my fingers to whisper across my brother's jaw. To guide my brother's face close to mine. A deviously teasing smile emerges on my lips while leering into my brother's eyes. "As for you being a boy scout…. Well, I fully intend on testing my theory, Kao." My heated words swirl around my brother's lips.
End of Hikaru's POV
End of chapter
So if you read my update on my profile you would know I've been battling to complete this update. Fighting writer's block for a few days now. Good news I've worked through the block. Bad news the update probably wasn't what you're expecting…But I've decided to continue on with the next update to really work past my writer's block. So you should be getting another update in a few days. Cross your fingers. Thanks for taking a peek.
I wanted to welcome this month's brand new followers of the story. Thank you so much.
You really had some interesting observations in your latest reviews. Thank you for taking the time I really appreciate it. Okay I'm off to update for this story again. See ya soon Alimackatjac.
