"Time has been flying by these past few days..."
As I was getting ready, I look down from my bedroom window at the ground and other buildings. It was yet another beautiful morning in Konoha. I could hear the town bustling from below. Children playing games while the adults hang up banters and decorations all around their houses
'It is the Lantern festival.. I've got to make it down to the tower quickly if I want to catch them at a good time...'
"Mom." Hanami suddenly appeared pulling me from my thoughts.
"Yes, Hanami?"
She approached me and sat on the bed looking at herself in the mirror for a quick second before looking at me. "So... You really want to do this? I mean...it's one thing when you told us you wanted to go back to work but..."
"I have to. I owe it to the citizens."
"But..do you?"
She does have a point. Do I actually owe the village citizens an explanation why I closed myself off? Do they really need an explanation on how and why I chose to grieve the way I did? I mean, to my kids, of course. I owed them that much..but Konoha?
"Absolutely." I honestly answered. "Just like I...abandoned you and your brothers at our lowest point, I did the same to them." I cup my daughter's chin and kiss her forehead. "The least I could do is give my side of the story. Weather they accept it or not is on them. But it's on me to explain my actions.."
"Well..." Hanami moved closer and embraced me. "I want to be right there with you so you won't feel scared."
This angel...
"Thank you.. Hanami."
"Mom,I'm going to take Hanami and Arashi to the store to get some Lanterns and decorations, are you coming?" Shina asked me.
"Actually, I have something I've got to do. I'll meet you back here so we can decorate it here?"
"Oh, where are you going?" He inquired.
"Mom's going to talk to Hokage-sama." Hanami answered for me.
"Wait, why? Oh! Is this about the hospital? Ooh, are you going to be head director again?!"
"Well, Shina-chan," I answered as I put on my shoes. "I was going to talk to her about something else actually.. I want to make a speech at the Lantern festival..to the people."
"A..speech? You want to tell them why you decided to cut yourself off..right?" He guessed.
"Yes.. I feel as if I owe them an explanation.. just like you all."
"Yeah but.." his nose scrunched up in confusion. "Do you really have to? I mean... We lost a father, you lost a partner-"
"And they lost a leader Shinachiku." I interrupted. "Just because I was the wife, doesn't mean I didn't have any kind of duty to the people..I was also head of medicine and health, remember? That is why I have to at least explain my actions."
"Yeah..I guess.." He reluctantly gave in my reasoning. "I still stand by what I said though.."
"I know baby." I walked over and kissed him along with Hanami and Arashi on their foreheads. "I'll meet you three back here in a couple of hours. I'll have to go now if I'm going to be able to catch up to Hokage-sama."
"Alright." Shinachiku gently grabbed his brother and sister's hands and guided them out the door along side me. "We'll see you later."
"Good luck Mom!" Hanami said.
"Thanks. I'll be on my way then!" I said to them and continued on to the Hokage tower.
"Hana-chan, do..you agree with what mom is doing?" Shinachiku
"I.. don't know. But if it gives her peace of mind..why not?" She answered truthfully.
"That's true..."
'Mother, whatever you're looking for for doing..I hope you find it...'
Seems as the citizens are more lively than usual.. That or it's been a really long time since I've seen such an occasion for them to act like this. Most likely the latter, duh.
It was just like what I had seen from my window, just up close. Children laughing and playing with the banters and decorating their lanterns. Kind of makes me realize how much I've missed this. The excitement and joy and calmness that come through your mind from this event..
Sure is nice.
This warm feeling inside me didn't last long and which was soon replaced with anxiousness as I felt their eyes on me as I passed by them. Especially the children..
I could barely hear their hushed murmurs but I could hear just enough to make out what they were saying..
"Look Mom! It's Hokage-sama's wife!" One child said as she passed by me
"Hush child! Don't be so loud!" Their mother said.
"Ah, Lady Uzumaki is out today..?"
"Mrs. Uzumaki huh...I wonder what she's out again for?"
"I wonder if she'll out for the festival tomorrow... maybe?"
Jesus Christ
Without thinking, my pace quickened towards the tower as I lowered my head in embarrassment.
"God Sakura, why didn't you just avoid the crowd.."
But this is what I have to do.
I have to face them. I have to! If I can't do this...how can I make the speech? It's the only way I know that can help me get peace of mind. The only way I help my anxiety. Attack one of the main triggers at it's source Maybe then! Maybe...
"Oh."
I was so deep into my own thoughts, I hadn't realized I was already here. Crazy how fast time flies when deep in thought.
I cleared my throat and walked up the steps and lifted my shaking hand and pulled the door open slowly.
"Come on Sakura. You can do this..."
Geronimo
"Hokage-sama, tasked me to finish the paperwork knowing good and well I still have to get and decorate my Lantern. Oh goodness, please let them still he in stock about time I'm finished.."
Knock Knock
"Ah..come in?"
"S-Shizune-san?"
She looked up at me wide-eyed and immediately stood from the desk. "S-Sakura! Is that really you?!"
Palms sweaty. hands shaking. Heart beating out of my chest. Trying really hard not to lose it right now.
I stepped forward , closing the door behind me, and stood 10 feet in front of her. "Yes... It's... it's me. I'm here."
Shizune immediately tackled me into a tight hug. "I'm..I'm so glad!" I could feel her tears flown on my exposed shoulder. "I've missed you friend.
I hugged her back just as tight and exhaled. "I've missed you too Shizune-san. I've missed you too."
She continued to embrace me for a few more seconds before she breaks the hold. She then holds both of my hands in hers and smiles. "It's been such a long time. Let me look at you!"
I laugh a little and do a little spin. "How do I look?"
"Just beautiful. Now, what is it that you need? I know you wouldn't come outside out if nowhere for no reason.."
"That's actually why I'm here. I wanted to talk to Lady Tsundae about tomorrow.." I explained.
"Oh?"
"Yes..but I see she isn't here so ah..maybe it's not to be?"
"No no no! Sakura-san, she went home early to prepared for the lantern festival tomorrow but whatever it is, I can get the message to her right away!"
"Ah...well..."
Shizune studied my unsure expression, confused and curious about my reasoning. Suddenly , she had an 'ah ha' moment. I guess she read between the lines.
"Tomorrow...this is about the lantern festival.. isn't it?"
"Yes.." I relaxed my shoulders and let out a deep sigh. "I wanted to ask her if I could make a speech at tomorrow's ceremony. You know, before Naruto died... I used to make a speech to remind everyone who and what the festival was for right before the releasing of the Lanterns..._
"Sakura.."
"Do you think she'd let me come back and make such a speech tomorrow night?"
"Sakura-san, of course she would! Better yet, you have my word."
A wave of relief fell over me. "Thank you Shizune."
"No problem.."
"...I guess I'll be going then hm? Thank you again, Shizune-San. I really appreciate it." As I turned to leave, I could sense her hesitation and turned back around and asked her. "Is there something you'd like to say..?"
"Ah... well. I wanted to ask but I-I didn't know if it was appropriate.."
I stepped forward. "No no... please
I can handle it. I promise."
"I just..." I could see her fist cleansing as she said her peace. "I... Why did you shut is out?" I could see the tears stray down her check once again.
"Shizune..." I stepped forward and embraced her.
"You're like a sister to me you know? I saw you grow from being a genin to surpassing Lady Tsundae, a legendary senin at that, at the age of 17..and suddenly... you-you."
"Shizune." Her teary eyes looked straight into mine. "I'm sorry that I shut you and everyone out. At the time...I felt as if that was the only way. That nobody could understand.. Obviously I was wrong but-"
"No. No I understand-at least see your point." She said as she whipped her face. "You didn't have to though. We could've helped you."
"I know... That's why I feel so strongly about making a speech tomorrow
I want to explain my thinking and why I did what I did. I think I'd give my friends and everyone else the explanation they're owed.
"Ah..I see. Well, like I said, I will see to it that you will get that opportunity tomorrow. I promise.."
"Thank you Shizune."
"Of course."
I hugged her one more time and proceeded to leave the building.
Now that that's over, the hard part begins...
