"Hey guys.."
Both turned and saw me. Though, their reactions were...different.
"Sakura?'' Kiba asked. His face said it all. Surprised and a hint of... resentment? I don't know. But you could tell it's something.
On the other hand, "Sakura-san, I-I'm so glad you came!" Hinata embraced me.
I hugged her back just as tight and smiled. " Me too." She then broke away and turned to her husband, who stayed back, and motioned him to come closer.
"Kiba-kun, come and say hi." She said with the sweetest tone along with that equally warm smile that could make anyone melt.
"Yeah..sure." he murmured and stood by his wife. "Ah.." he avoided my gaze, probably because it was so awkward between us and..I can't blame him. Our last conversation didn't really end on a high note. "It's..good to see you Sakura."
"Likewise."
Hinata, blessed her heart, took notice to how tense and awkward it was between Kiba and I and initiated conversation.
"Ahem, S-Sakura-san, are you enjoying the festival so far? I think this is the best one since the first time it opened."
"So far, I'm enjoying it so far. And you really think so? I.. can't really compare since it's been so long.."
"Yes! Kiba-kun and I were just talking about it. Tell her w-what you said. Meanwhile, I think I saw Hanabi over there with Neji and o-others..."
"Hinata-" Kiba tried to call to her but she was already gone.
"I-I'll be right back!" She declared.
And now, it's just us.
Kiba became wide eyed at his wife leaving him oh so suddenly. "Oh."
"Well.."
I can feel my hands getting clammy again meanwhile, I can see how tense his muscles are. Why is he nervous? I'm the one who awkwardly ended our conversation a few weeks ago. I'm the one who shut out everyone including him. I'm the one-
"Sakura."
"H-Huh?" His voiced yanked me from my thoughts. I looked up at him, finally being able to clearly see his face. He had this expression that screamed... regret? It can't be anything else because I know that expression personally so...what does he have to be regretful about?
"I... I want to apologise for the way I acted when we last talked. It was.. not right for me to bombard you with all those questions knowing how you've been dealing with... What you've been dealing with. Please accept my apology." He bowed.
Oh shit. I didn't expect that.
Hesitating alittle, I walked closer to him and put my hand upon his shoulder. "Kiba.."He flenched from my touch and immediately became upright. "You.. why did you apologise?"
"What do you mean? Why shouldn't I have? I mean, after you left, I told Hinata about our conversation and she told me I should apologise. She told me she could tell you were still jumpy a-and you weren't ready to answer those kinds of questions.."
"That's... actually why I came to find you."
"What?"
"She's right, I wasn't ready to answer those questions then. But now, I've been taking better care of my mental health by taking better care of myself, doing breathing exercises, and taking things one step at a time."
"Trust me when I say, I'm ready to answer you now."
A half smile creeped upon his lips as he took in my words.
"Alright."
"Like I said that day, you and everyone else were not the source of my problems. I didn't shut everyone out because of you all. That was a decision I made, a decision that should've never happened, all because I was thinking selfishly. I wanted none beside me at that time because I felt as if half of my soul died. I.. didn't think I could ever recover without him. That everything could never be the same."
"Mmm."
"I only thought about me and what I felt when I should've been thinking about my children especially." A long drawn out sigh escaped my lips before I continued. "I'm sorry Kiba. I should have never shut you and everyone out, especially my children, when all you all were trying to do is comfort me. Instead, I acted selfish and caused people to think I blamed them. Please, accept my apology."
"Thank you for fully explaining. And I accept your apology wholeheartedly." He grinned at me.
"...Thank you."
"I see you two are more comfortable than before?" Hinata suddenly appeared.
"Oh! Uh yes!" I answered.
Where the hell did she come from?
"All good on my end." Kiba reassured.
"Great. The awkwardness was so high, I-I had to leave so you two could figure it out." She confessed.
"H-Hey you could've stayed and supported." Kiba complained.
"Mmm I could've... But I did not." She giggled as did I.
"Now that everything has been addressed, Sakura. I want to ask you.."
"Yes?"
"I heard from the kids, from your kids, that you want go back to work as a doctor."
"Oh! Actually...yes I-I do. I miss it." I admitted.
"Well," Kiba chimed in. "It's your passion. I mean, who else could've healed half of the ninja force back during the war? Nome except you could've pulled that off and still have enough energy to be out in the front lines."
"That's right! So many owe you their lives, me included."
I became embarrassed and blushed at the compliments. "Thanks guys. I do want to come back..but I'm afraid.."
"Of what?" He questioned. Then he realized. "Wait... I remember. Sakura... You shouldn't think like that."
"That's right, you don't have to dwell on the past.."
"I can't help it. It's one of the reasons why I left in the first place. I would've given anything for a do-over that day but I can't. And I have to live with that. His death, seeing him die before my eyes when I know I was capable of helping him just like before.. I.. I just-"
"Sakura-san. We're right here. It's ok?"
Right. Hinata and I, we'll always be there when you need us."
"Kiba, Hinata.." by this point, I couldn't control my self and pulled both of them in for a hug. Stray tears steam from my face as I thanked them. "You guys..have N-No idea how much that means to me." For them to say this even after the fact of me pushing them away...it means everything to me.
"Of course." Kiba once again reassured. "Well, with that being said, do you want to hang with us until the bell sounds for us to go to the hill?"
"Actually, if you don't mind, I think I want want to roam around by myself a bit longer."
"N-No we don't mind at all. See you there Sakura-san." Hinata said. She, Kiba ,and I said our goodbyes and went our separate ways.
Truthfully, I wanted to go with them but I need to recollect myself before we all go to the hill. I reached down in my pocket and picked out a piece of paper and scanned the words written. I stayed up so late last night writing and rewriting this speech. It's so hard put everything into words... If I'm being honest with myself, I'm still not satisfied with the final product. I just hope I don't choke up there...
"There you are! Mom!"
I turned around to be ,once again , greeted by my children, just the three of them this time. I unconsciously smile at them and kneel down to them.
"I'm here. You all having still having a good time? I see you got more plushies." I spotted another small plushies in my youngest hands.
"Yes!" Hanami happily answered. "We got this dog plushy for Arashi-chan and he like it so much, he smiled!
"Oh! Is that right?" I teased. Arashi became red and hid his face behind the dog plushy. Arashi isn't really as outgoing at his older brother and sister, and more reserved and I'm result, doesn't smile all that often. But when he does, my baby is just the cutest.
"Arashi-chan, don't hide from your family." I teased him more. "Shina-chan, you're such an amazing big brother." I kissed him on his forehead and stood up straight.
He giggled and smiled. "Thanks Mom hehe."
"Where did tire friends go?"
"Well, actually..." Shinachiku trailed off.
"We wanted to walk around with you Mom!" Hanami interrupted.
"O-Oh? Really?"
"Mom, why are you acting so surprised? You know we love you right? It's not surprising that we want to spend time with you." My oldest teased making his sister laugh.
I could feel my cheeks heat up in embarrassment. It is a little silly if me to be taken aback by my children wanting to spend time with me willingly. Though I've made great progress and have strayed further and further away from the other timeline, it has been years since I've spent this much time with my kids. Hell decades! It's..new to me. I love it though. I'll just have to get used to it sooner or later.
"Alright alright get in your laughs." I picked up Arashi and held hands with Shinachiku while he held hands with Hanami. "Now, where would you like to lead me?"
Well, I heard there was a dango shop close to here...?" Hanami said.
"Then what are we waiting for? Let's go!" I said and let them lead me the rest of the way.
From the dango shop, to the little street games, all the way to the beautiful banners and paintings and lights on display, we had so much fun that last hour and a half. I learned so much about them during that time.
I knew Shinachiku had an interest in medical ninjistsu and slugs but what I didn't know is that he wants to become a medical nin and summon slugs? It's what I and Lady Tsundae summon so as a result, he's been obsessed with slugs since he was little. I vaguely remember him going through my medical books back when he was about five or six years old. God he was so adorable then.
And then, my baby ,Hanami, she wants to become like her father, to be Hokage! She wants to, like her father, keep the peace she knows. I remember, back then, he'd often tell her stories of his childhood and and dream when he was younger and why he would think of such a dream. She'd be in awe every single time he talked, always asking questions about how and why it was that way when we were growing up. How he made it possible for the new generation to live in peace.. I Should've known then.
Then there's Arashi. Though he's five, I can see how much he's gravitating away from the shinobi life. As Shinachiku and Hanami talked about becoming ninjas and such, he looked disinterested until Shinachiku started talking about summoning. I have a feeling he's not going to be the military type like his brother and sister and I. Arashi... though I don't know much yet since you're only five, whatever you do, you're going to do great.
This is just a portion of who they are, who they want to be. I'll admit, I'll forever be made at how I handled everything before starting over. Back then, I would've never known any of this. Instead, all I would've known was loneliness, grief, and depression. In this timeline, I feel warmth, love, and content. Sure, I'm still working through my problems and dealing with Naruto's death, but I'm doing it so much better than last time. This time..this time is different. And I'm grateful.
~Riiing Riiing Riiing~
"The bell has rang!"
"Oh goodness, it's started."
"Time to go to the hill."
I heard the villagers around me say. My heart skipped at the realization. It was time to let the Lanterns go.
"Well, kids," I looked at all three of them. " I guess it's time."
The long walk up to the hill was nerve-racking. Nobody except Lady Tsunade, the kids, and Shizune knew what I was going to do.
The speech
A lump formed in my throat as we got closer to the designated spot. My hands clammy, of course. I could feel the heat on my back, the sweat in my forehead.. oh goodness. Please don't let it happen now..
We stood in the middle of the crowd preparing for our lanterns to be released but then...
"Attention!" A voiced called out to us. I looked over to who it was who called to our attention. It was Shizune!
"Before we get started, our Hokage has something to address to you all."
"Lady Tsundae?"
"Hokage-sama has announcement? I wonder what it will be?"
"There she is!"
"There she is..." I said aloud.
She appeared just as beautiful as always. Her long hair hanging in two low pigtails. She wore her same green jacket over her grey colored sleeveless shirt and blue capris. Her black heels clicked as she walked front and center. It's seems that she was still using her chakra to appear youthful still because she looked bout the same. That woman...she'll never let us see what age really is will she?
"Ladies and gentlemen, first of all, good evening to you."
"Good evening!" We said back in unison.
"This day, made official by our late seventh Hokage ,Uzumaki Naruto ,may he rest in peace, is the day we celebrate our deceased. Established ten years ago, the idea of this day was to remember our loved ones,not dwell on the pain and sadness of their death, but to celebrate their life and their memory which lives on inside of us. Speaking of... It has been four years since the death of Uzumaki Naruto. I think... everyone remembers where they were and what they were doing once the news was announced. It's was.. It was a tragedy that hit the ninja world hard. He did so much, sacrificed so much so that the new generation could know peace unlike the past generation. Even through his death, his dream lives on through his wife and three young children."
She looked over at us and smiled.
"Speaking of, I know we're eagerly waiting to set free our lanterns but there is someone I would like to bring up. Someone who personally requested to come and speak to all of you. Please welcome our late Hokage's wife, Uzumaki Sakura."
"Wait, the Hokage's wide is here?"
"I heard rumors but I didn't really see her.."
"I saw her talking to other villagers today!"
I heard them say as I walked next to Shizune and Tsunade-sama. Shizune smiled at me and embraced me so tight. She whispered in my ear, "I told you I have your back. Good luck."
As she broke away from me, I felt Tsunade-sama's hand on my shoulder and nodded in support. "You got this Sakura."
"Uhm... H-Hello everyone. It's...been a long time. Err.." I shakily pull out the piece of paper and unfold it. My nerves make me dart back and forth between the part and the citizens and at this point, I realized that my anxiety is pouring out.
I looked to the crowd and made eye contact with each and everyone of them. Out of nervousness, my hands play with the lantern I held on to. I could feel my body heat up, my heart beating faster and faster, my hands getting even more sweaty than before.
Jesus Christ, I don't know if I can make it. I don't think I can do this! Maybe...maybe this was a mistake. Goodness I'm wasting everybody's time. This is a disaster! I can't do this! I can't-
"Mom."
"You got this." Shinachiku whispered. The rest of my family stood by me and gave me reassuring glances and smiles. Even Arashi.
They're right Sakura. This isn't a waste of time. You got this.
I took a deep breath, recollected my thoughts and spoke..
"...Hello.. everyone. Ah.. I'm not sure how to go about this. I mean, I wrote down my thoughts-in fact I barely slept because I was up all night revising-and yet..."
I stared at the paper for half a minute before deciding to crumble into a ball. This paper...it's not..
"I want to speak directly from my heart. My Truth."
"First, I would like to publicly apologise to you all. I..know I abandoned all of you in a crucial time. Please, understand that I never wanted to shut everyone out but ultimately, I ended up doing just that. I lost a husband, my children lost a father, and you all lost a good friend but most of all, a leader. I should have been there right with you all but the grief overtook my though process. I selfishly thought that nobody would understand and have the same hurt a-and the impact it did on me. Not just emotionally but mentally."
"I know that talking about our mental health, especially with some of us being ninjas, is taboo but this needs to be said. The death of my husband affected me in a way that I never thought it would. I developed anxiety and PTSD from watching it happen in front of me plus all those years of fighting put together. As a result of my mental illness, I started to falter. My passion for the medical world all the way to just coming outside started to fade. And it only got worse when I lost a patient as a result of my anxiety. When that happened, I shut myself in even more, afraid of... seeing another I care about die right in my arms just as he did. The..thought of that happening put me on edge."
I took a long pause to recollect my thoughts. My lips formed a small smile as I looked into the crowd. I could feel my eyes welling up in tears
Damn, I just can't help but get emotional. I've made it this far! I never thought I'd get the chance to do this all over again but here I am.
Thank you
"I can now say that I'm, not completely, but I'm better. Way better than four years ago. And I'm ready to ask for your forgiveness. I hope you all understand my side..."
"...We understand." A voice said. The crowd of people looked around, so did I straining my neck so I can see, and moved so the person could come to the front.
It was him. The guy from the market! Goodness what was his name again? Mr Ito!
"Lady Uzumaki, we understand, at least I do. At see point, we've all lost a love one, especially to war. Some of us, weather we admit it or not, may have or is feeling the same way." He preached.
"It's true." Another voice from the crowd chimed in. "We've most likely have been there. Lord knows I have."
"Me too!"
"It's ok Lady Uzumaki, we forgive you!"
"As if you had to explain yourself, you did well, Mrs Uzumaki."
I was taken aback by the crowd voicing their support of me. I was expecting... resentment? Gosh I thought this would be harder that what it is but wow... I never expected this.
"Everyone...thank you. Thank you!"
I started to cry from the overwhelming joy. I didn't want this feeling to end!
"Now that we got that out if the way," Lady Tsunade can from behind and adressed the crowd. "I think it's about that time we let these lanterns fly hm?" The crowd agreed and even cheered a little.
"Alright then." She lifted up hers as did everyone else and made a toast. "Today, we celebrate our fallen ones, not in sadness but in happiness. We hope that they are enjoying life in Heaven and looking down on us. Will you all count down with me?"
Three!
Two!
One!
One by one, each lantern were let go. I forgot how beautiful the scenery can be. The way they glowed in the night sky made them so mesmerizing to look at. Like little stars from the distance actually.
"Sakura-san.Your speech, I liked it. You opened your heart out for everyone. I never thought I'd see the day you'd be so vulnerable."
"Thank you Sai. And..same here. I didn't think I'd make it here, in fact, I thought it would be impossible! But..here I am."
"Yes, here you are."
"Sai is right!" Lee said coming up from behind. You're so brave for coming up here explaining everything. I commend you!"
"Honestly, it was nerve-racking, but thank you." As I'm talking to the both of them, I felt arms wrap around my torso and platinum blonde hair covering half of my body. I giggled and turned to hug my oldest friend.
"Ino, don't sneak up on my like that!"
"Oh please, you knew it was me!" She pulled away and looked at me. "You did amazing up there. I'm so proud of you-"
"We all are."
Everyone...thank you. Thank you for accepting me. For forgiving me." I didn't deserve these people
They accepted me back after I practically ghosted them for four years and just like that, all is forgiven. I really am blessed...
"Of course. We all grew up together, no brainer!" Kiba said.
"Excuse me," it was Lady Tsundae! "But may I steal my former student for a second." She requested.
"No problem." They said and left me alone with her.
"Sakura-san, it's been a long time.. Let's take a walk."
"Alright.."
"It seems to me that you're doing better than the last time I saw you. You doing ok these days?"
"I can't complain. A-And I'm managing my anxiety more and more by the day. Also, I haven't had a panic attack I don't know how long! I...think I'm on a wave right now. And honestly...I don't want to get off."
"Is that so?"
"Mmhm."
"So with that being said, let's take advantage of that."
I was confused. "What do you mean?"
"I heard rumblings that you missed the medical field. So much so, you're thinking about filling the position of a third party volunteer worker in Neji and TenTen's health volunteer work. Is that true?"
"I.."
I didn't word would get around to her. Personally, I wanted to think on the decision more, I mean it was just an idea on my end. An idea that Lee-san planted in me. But to actually act in it...
"Sakura...?"
"Actually, yes. I would like to join the team. I know the last time I was working didn't end well but I'm willing to start with small jobs like this and work up again. I'm willing to do whatever it takes!"
"Whatever it takes huh?"
"Yes ma'am!"
"I see..."
"Sakura Haruno-Uzumai, welcome back."
