6. Paranoia and Recovering

Ming was on the way to his cabin after the daily check-up on Riun's condition which was gradually becoming better. He felt lucky that the he didn't encounter general Iroh who kept questioning him the whole afternoon about the whereabouts of his nephew. He kept repeating the same thing over and over again, but the answer of the prince going on a lonely stroll didn't seem to satisfy the old general. At this point, Ming decided to tell him the truth if the prince would not turn up until the general asks him again.

However, the ship remained quiet. The men were resting and probably minding their own business after the long day of labor. The absence of the prince bothered him a bit because of his habit to get himself in trouble, but he could already be back. He wasn't obliged to report to him about his return after all.

Ming stepped into his cabin but before he could close the door behind him, someone else did it for him. A chill ran up his spine. In the dim light of a single candle, it took only a moment to recognize the features of Prince Zuko. He would be relieved and scold the boy for surprising him in such a manner, but the prince was emanating an aura of danger around him. It was nothing like the usual infamous temperamental demeanor but a cold glare filled with daggers and fever maybe? His appearance was all the more dangerous as he held onto his antique dual blades and the posture of his body told him that the prince was no stranger to their use.

"Prince Zuko, what's going on?" Ming tried to recover from the uncomfortable surprise. For a while Zuko continued to glare, not minding to answer.

"Say Ming, is Zhao a good pen pal? Is his calligraphy as refined as his manners?" If the look would not tell him, then the voice would tell Ming that something is off with his commander. Zuko's voice was unusually low, but showed a bit of trembling at the same time. And why should he know anything of Zhao's calligraphy?

"Did he promise you a nice warm place on his ship or was it money? Maybe revenge?" Zuko stepped few steps closer, making Ming back away from the reach of the blades. The light of the candle exposed the pale and sweat-covered skin and glassy, feverish eyes. The tremble also showed in his steps.

"Sir, it looks like you have a high fever. Did something happen when…?" Ming was cut off by a blade pointed at his throat.

"I'm not stupid, Ming! How much did you tell him? Does he know about the mask? About my involvement in the fire?"

Ming was never really scared of his commander before, even if his temper tantrums were sometimes bordering on scary, but this feverish paranoia that took over the young prince was something else entirely.

"Sir, I have honestly no idea what are you talking about. Why would I be informing Zhao about anything? I didn't even tell your Uncle. I promised not to tell." He was glad that he could omit the part of him deciding on telling his uncle about his today's trip if he would ask him again.

"Did you? Why would you then…? You went to Lady Mimasu… the Avatar…" The Prince raised his right arm higher but failed, a pained grimace appeared on his face and the sword fell on the floor with a cling. Ming was confused. Did the burn still hurt that much? No, it was the other arm.

"Sir, what happened? Did you hurt your arm?" Instead of an answer, Ming got another odd reaction. Zuko backed away looking almost distressed and raised the other blade in what looked like a defensive position. He clearly hit a sensitive point. A new injury could very well explain the paleness and the fever. But where did Zuko get the idea of him being a spy for Zhao?

"Has Lady Mimasu said something…?" It looked like he hit a nerve again.

"It has nothing to do with her!" The daggers returned into Zuko's eyes. "Zhao…you…someone informs him about everything…my mission…he wants the Avatar." Zuko was trembling more and more and successfully confusing Ming.

"Zhao wants the Avatar…for my Father. My Father… my Father…"Ming had to react quickly as the prince started to sway dangerously while dropping his guard. He supported him to the cot and carefully took the other sword away from his hand. The Prince didn't even seem to notice and kept repeating something about his father.

A light touch on his forehead told Ming that the Prince indeed had a high fever. "Sir, if you could let me look at your arm…" At that Zuko defensively clutched his shoulder and tried to get up, but Ming pushed him back down. It started to be annoying that he always had to fight the Prince to allow him to do his job, but now, Zuko was too unpredictable, so he didn't show any signs of annoyance. He also realized that he will have to convince Zuko that he really isn't Zhao's spy or whatever the prince's feverish paranoia kept telling him because he won't be able to do anything for him.

"Sir, listen to me for a moment." He looked into the prince's unfocused eyes. "I can assure you- I am neither a spy nor an informant for Zhao. If anything, I would be just the opposite. You're not the only one despising the man on this ship. Some other soldiers and crew member share very similar feelings towards the man. In fact, there is a not so pleasant history." That finally captured the prince's attention and he loosened up a bit.

"Three years ago, a similar island of Western Air Nomad territory as this decided to rebel against the Fire Nation's rule. We, I mean the navy, were ordered to create a blockade. Seven ships were charged with patrolling for supply ships and we were commanded to sink any foreign ship on sight. The blockade lasted already more than half year, winter was coming and the island was much less hospitable than this one.

One night our ship spotted a couple Water Tribe sailing-ships. The firebenders on our ships were in a similar condition as they were just a few days ago without the Agni's Eyes beverage and we were also low on supplies so we could sympathize with the islanders very much. On top of that we knew of the fighting style of the Southern Water Tribe sailor. Leaving the ship would mean certain death for all of our firebenders. Finally, our captain made a decision of letting them through.

However, the news of our captain's decision got the ears of the captain in command of the blockade who was none other than Captain Zhao. He would not hear the reasoning of our captain and all of the crew and soldiers were punished and stripped of titles. Half of your crew, Prince Zuko, are the men from that ship. I personally was the medic on that ship and lieutenant Jee was our captain." Zuko visibly gulped. In that moment, Ming really couldn't tell what was going on in the prince's mind.

"As you can see, sir, you're not the only one in exile," he added a little bit quieter and almost instantly regretting saying it out loud. A prince's exile is on a completely different level after all.

"I-I'm sorry," the prince suddenly said with a weak voice, completely different from the previous threatening one. "I didn't know, Ming… I'm sorry." He looked utterly defeated and exhausted.

"I know, you didn't know. All I can say for myself is that I would never betray any honorable commander, if it were you or lieutenant Jee or General Iroh and certainly not for a person as Zhao." At that, Zuko's eyes gleamed a bit with an unidentifiable light and the expression on his face was not one of those Ming could recognize.

He finally seemed to be relaxed enough for Ming to take a look on his hurt shoulder. "Sir, if you could let me take a look…" But the prince kept stubbornly clenching it, not allowing the medic to see or remove the fabric of his tunic.

"First, you have to promise again. You cannot tell about this to anyone. Not my Uncle, Jee, or anybody else!" What was up with all this secrecy with the prince? The boy certainly found a hobby in keeping secrets and Ming didn't like it one bit. Especially, when he was pushed to lie to general Iroh. But witnessing the determination in the prince's eyes, he knew there was no backing away.

"Fine, I promise," Ming gave up. Zuko nodded and let go of his shoulder. There wasn't any cut or scorch on the tunic, so Ming guessed that the shoulder was dislocated again. However, when Zuko rolled up his sleeve, the injury showed up to be a small but fresh burn mark. The size of the burn didn't match the amount of the pain Zuko seemed to be in, not speaking of hindering the movement of the whole arm as he saw before. The burn didn't even seem to be deep.

"This is it?" asked Ming, but Zuko looked on him questioningly and then looked back on his shoulder like he himself hasn't seen the injury yet. "I mean, you didn't hurt your arm anywhere else?" The prince only kept twisting his head in denial.

"Maybe it's just deep. Could you give me something against pain?"

Deep? It certainly didn't look like that. Ming doubted that it would even leave a scar when it heals up. And still, this was the first time Ming heard Zuko complaining about pain. Not even when he was dealing with the scar on his face. Things went from weird to weirder ever since the prince got back from the healer.

"Well, I could give you some pain-numbing ointment and something to pull down the fever… are you sure you're not hurt somewhere else?" Zuko again shook his head. Ming had to conclude that the boy, except the weird burn, was still exhausted from the fire incident two days ago and that the small injury was probably just wearing him down much easier.

"What you really have to do in the next days is to rest, until your strength returns."

"Or you could just give me that red beverage…"

"I'm pretty sure that it is not how that drink is supposed to be used." Zuko looked a bit disappointed, but didn't protest any further. "Besides, I have only limited supply and it is only for emergency cases such as Riun was in," Ming felt the need to add.

Ming took the numbing ointment from the medicine chest and then closer examined the burn on Zuko's shoulder. It didn't have any particular shape, so it could be inflicted only by a smaller flame. He cleaned it with water and then spread the ointment quickly, because the prince's whole frame started to shake and goosebumps appeared on the exposed skin.

"If I were to ask you, how did you get the burn, would I get an answer?" Zuko stayed silent. "I don't need to check on Lady Mimasu tomorrow, if everything's alright, do I?"

"There is no need," he replied with a small voice which wasn't very convincing, but still Ming decided to trust the boy.

Ming finished his work and the question of how did Zuko come up with the idea of him being a spy for Zhao still hang in the open, but he decided to let it slide for the moment. "Sir, you should go rest for now." Zuko nodded, although it looked like that he knew very well what Ming wanted to ask of him.

Ming helped Zuko to his cabin and made sure he laid down to sleep. Before leaving, he also put a wet cloth on the sleeping boy's forehead. Upon glancing at the unusually empty wall of the room, he remembered the swords they left in the infirmary. He went back to retrieve them, but when he arrived Zuko wasn't alone in the room anymore. General Iroh was already sitting at his side and changing the cloth on Zuko's forehead. Since Ming didn't want to disturb them and the general hasn't notice him yet, he decided to return them later.


Zuko woke up to find his Uncle sitting by his side snoring a little louder than he would have appreciated. Remembering back to last night, he couldn't recall when did his Uncle came into his cabin. He had to be really out of it. His head was still spinning and his shoulder stinging strongly, but it was more endurable in comparison with the previous day, when the pain didn't even allow him to think straight. Truth to be told, he didn't even remember properly how he got back to the ship – his memory was like covered in fog.

On the other hand, he remembered really well his encounter with Ming. He couldn't help but curse himself for such a stupid mistake. It was probably the stupidest thing ever since he walked into that war meeting.

The mission itself seemed to be cursed as the problems started to pile up higher and higher. The realization was wearing on him as he laid on his futon, weak light of a cloudy day was barely lighting the room and his uncle's head kept bobbing every few seconds. He felt a bit guilty at making his Uncle worry so much that he spent the whole night awake by his side. Although, the fever was gone, the exhaustion got the better of him at the moment – not having the energy to wake up, but allowing him to assess the situation he was in at the moment.

The arrival at the island of You Feng seemed to now an unfortunate as well as blessed decision. Zuko felt like being on a crossroad- all the new information meant finally a step forward after two years of sailing in circles. And of course, there was the biggest question, mark on his shoulder. Yesterday, he would agree into anything that would help him in finding the Avatar. But now, he started to realize that he might have made a wrong step. The pain he felt like when he was leaving the healers house, now knowing it was surrounded by invisible spirits, was so strong and deep- it felt like it hurt in his very soul. Not even Mimasu herself knew what all the consequences of the burn might be and it scared him a bit. He could just hope that he was not going to walk into such spirit-infested area anytime soon.

The constant stinging and itching of the burn also reminded him that he didn't put enough distance between himself and the spirit party around Mimasu's house. (He did not let himself to think that it would hurt like this all the time.) And that was going to change as he intended to set out from the town today.

Zuko looked on his sleeping Uncle and almost felt bad about having to wake him up. He looked exhausted, even few years older than he last observed him from this close distance. His hair seemed grayer, lines deeper – was it because of him, because he pulled him away from the comfort of the Fire Nation Capital. His Uncle must have felt responsible for allowing him to participate in the war meeting. It was probably the reason that led him to join him on this desperate journey. But in truth, Zuko knew that he was the responsible one. That's why he decided to see through the mission and lead his Uncle as well as the crew back home.

Actually, what Ming had told him yesterday made him realize that the crew was probably having similar feelings as him. That made him feel even more responsible for the success of the mission. And Zhao will not stand in his way.

"Uncle…" His Uncle woke up in the instant he spoke, looking a bit confused, but when he noticed his nephew in front of him, relief quickly replaced confusion.

"You're up, Zuko. How do you feel? How is your fever?" He put his hand on Zukoʼs forehead to check his temperature.

"I'm fine, Uncle. No fever." His Uncle sighed with relief and took his hand away. Zuko sat up to prove that he is feeling better and also for his Uncle to take seriously what he was about to say.

"We are shipping out today and I need you to make the arrangements." Zuko could see the disappointment on his Uncles face as he processed the information.

"Why so suddenly? We didn't even finish the work on the new market and you need recovering. Besides, that little girl was really enjoying your company…"

"I'll be recovering on the way from here and the market is none of our business!"

"But…"

"Uncle, if you could do this for me," he said with a very serious voice, which even surprised his Uncle.

"Fine, Prince Zuko. I'll make the arrangements. But I'll also send Ming with breakfast and later I'll bring some of my medicinal tea."

"Thank you."

"Zuko, is something wrong?" Why did his Uncle always catch upon things?

"No, it's nothing, just… Uncle, I promise I'll bring us back…back home." At that his Uncle looked into his eyes with a very serious expression.

"Zuko, home is not necessarily defined by the place you've grown up, but by the people who are awaiting your return. A place to return to can be created anywhere in the world, but if there is nobody there to welcome you back, then it can hardly be called a home." His Uncle smiled with a sad smile and patted him on the head before leaving.

Zuko was left alone, totally stunned by his Uncles reaction. Did he just remind his Uncle of his dead family? How stupid is he? There was no longer a wife and a son waiting him. He didn't want to return to the Fire Nation for years after Lu Tenʼs death in the first place. And on top of that, his Uncle certainly didn't clung to the court life anymore as the last two years taught him. Good food and his beloved tea were the only necessities in his Uncles life.

But then again who was waiting for him?

Zuko rather abandoned these thoughts and focused on washing himself and changing clothes drenched with sweat, as they both required more effort than normally. His legs still felt wobbly and his head was still swimming a bit when he was trying to walk.

Not long after his Uncle departed, there was a knock on the door and Ming made his way in. Zuko once again had to deal with feeling embarrassed, as the last night's scene played back in his mind. He tried to recall his trail of thought from yesterday to remember what the reason that actually made him sneak into the medic's cabin and threaten him with the swords, but he really had no idea. There was no real proof which would point to Ming being Zhao's spy. It could be only his paranoia.

"Sir, you left these in the infirmary." The medic passed the swords back to him casually like Zuko would have never pointed them at his throat. Zuko took them without a word and just dropped them at the futon to get them out of the way.

"And I brought clean bandages." Zuko again just nodded. He really had hard time finding words. "The fever is gone as I see. It was probably just exhaustion. The last days were probably really stressing for you, I'd imagine."

The medic was clearly enjoying himself and Zuko knew it was because he had the upper hand now, expecting to get answers out of him. But he was already put up with telling Ming at least the minimum to explain the yesterday's situation- but no more than that. And he was certainly not going to talk about his visit to Mimasu.

Zuko sat down to allow the medic to change the bandages on his arm and shoulder. While doing it, Ming stayed quiet clearly giving Zuko space to start explaining.

"Ehm-ehm…yesterday… what I did… I mean… it was really unnecessary. I don't know why… what I was doing… it was stupid."

"It would be stupid if I really were the spy. With the condition you were in last night, you wouldn't be able to threaten a six-year-old child." Zuko felt heat rising to his cheeks and was glad that the medic was behind his back.

"So, this whole spy idea - care to explain?" The medic seemed really pleased with finally being able to quench information out of him.

"Three days ago, just before the fire incident, I was out… I went to Zhao's ship for information. I was able to get into his office and go through his correspondence and maps. One of those maps was containing a detailed track of our road so far. And I mean really detailed." Zuko thought about his father's letter. "And beside that, I found a letter with a command for Zhao personally to keep an eye on our mission and stop me if the Avatar was to appear." He could not say out loud that it was on his Father's command.

"So your conclusion was that there has to be a spy reporting to Zhao about our movement. But why me? Why did you think of me?" The medic's voice betrayed a bit of hurt on its edge. Zuko understood – he questioned the man's honor without knowing any of his background.

"I really don't know. I was…. It's just – you know more than the rest of the crew. If you were the spy then Zhao would know everything you do…that would be … inconvenient. Yesterday, I wasn't thinking clearly."

"Of course, you weren't. You had high fever." That reasoning didn't stop Zuko from cursing himself for stupidity.

"I'm sorry for questioning your honor." He had to say it, although Ming could still play an act have hidden motives for betraying him, but for some reason he wanted to believe that the man spoke the truth last night and if that was the case - an apology was in place.

It's okay." Ming patted him on his uninjured shoulder to signal that he's finished. "There is nothing that could Zhao possibly offer me to become his informant. We are all aboard one ship, and not just literally. If there is a spy, then he has to have very specific reasons for doing so. I can promise you to be on my watch. And of course, I won't be mentioning anything to the others."

Zuko nodded in gratitude and Ming in the found agreement. He gathered the old bandages and headed for the door.

"I'll bring some food. Today you should stay in to recover." He didn't wait for an answer and left the room.

Zuko felt like a stone fell from his heart. The relief gave him new energy to be finally able to walk around without shaking. Or was it the paranoia and guilt what made him feel sick at the first place?


It has been only four days, but Zuko could already feel the difference. They were heading northeast to the closest Fire Nation colony of Leng Wan. The sun was up for at least six hours a day, although it was only two days before the winter solstice.

Zuko was finally able to stroll the deck fully recovered after the You Feng incident. The pain in the burn from Mimasuʼs candle disappeared right after they departed from the town and the last signs of the concussion and the fever wear off yesterday, after Ming's and his Uncle's annoying daily care.

Being a sunny day, most of the firebenders were out as well, enjoying the presence of their element. Among the people on the deck, Zuko noticed lieutenant Jee giving orders to one of the engine workers. He walked over to them.

"Lieutenant."

"Commander, how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine. How much longer till we arrive to Leng Wan?" Jee gave him his binoculars and pointed at the horizon.

"Just a few hours." And really, Zuko looked where the man pointed and a mountain range was already visible.

Jee was ready to walk off, as he probably didn't expect a longer conversation, but Zuko felt a need to say something to the former captain, now that he learnt something of his past from Ming.

"Lieutenant, I know that the search for the Avatar is taking longer than expected, but I will make it as short as possible, so that all of us can return…"

"Sir, I respect your efforts, but maybe you and all of us should just put up with the fact that we are exiled from our country for good."

Jee probably knew he crossed the line he shouldn't have and hurried away. Zuko already crushed Jeeʼs binoculars in his hands and next he threw them over the railing. The response wasn't anything he expected and he wasn't even finished speaking.

He will never give up! So what if the crew hated him for that? So what if the mission is harder than expected? So what if the Avatar doesn't even exist? He will find a way back home, even if the others won't follow. Even if there is nobody waiting for him. He has to show his Father that he is worthy of his honor and worthy of the right to the throne.

The familiar heat in his chest was rising again. He looked around to see that there was already no one on the deck with him he could ask for a relieving spar, so he just went through some of the katas alone producing larger flames than usually. That eased his anger a little bit, only until his Uncle showed up.

"You're doing it again, Prince Zuko. Using power of your muscles instead of focusing on breathing. You should concentrate more…" Zuko didn't get to hear the end of the sentence as he stormed off in fury to his cabin, no matter how confining it may feel at the moment. After pacing around his room, he decided for meditation to be the best way to calm down right now and to not ruin the small cabin.

To calm down turned out to take as long as arriving to Leng Wan. Zuko was again disappointed in his temper that it took so long. But he couldn't help himself but feel angry about his efforts not being appreciated by anyone. Why did he have to be alone in this?

He was about to get angry again, when his Uncle came into his cabin.

"What is it, Uncle?"

"Nephew, we arrived at Leng Wan, but we were advised to not leave this ship. The area is said to be surrounded by Earth Kingdom militia. But the market is also closed, so we need to stay until morning."

"Well wait through the night and get the necessities first in the morning."

"Very well. I'll make the arrangements. Maybe we could go through some katas together tomorrow." Zuko didn't respond and waited for his Uncle to leave already. The old man didn't pry anymore and left the room, clearly reading his nephew's unsocial mood.

The news that his Uncle brought, however, did caught his attention. He already decided to scout every place are going to visit to try out the burn mark. The last days that went even without itching made him question the words of the healer. It even looked the same as the first day. The burn wasn't healing at all, what also caught the attention of the ship's medic. It wasn't healing, but it also did not get infected. The burn wasn't even vulnerable on touch, like his previous burns or the burn on the arm he received from Zhao's man, which was already healed up by now. The weird mark felt like normal skin. In You Feng, it did hurt, but it could as well be because he just received it. He had to put the mark to test.

And going out on every chance he got was the only option and now that the town was probably hiding some Earth Kingdom resistance members, he was all the more curious to get out, if only for some information gathering.

He put on his usual dark clothes, the blue mask and swung his dao off the wall. It felt good to put the outfit on again, even if the last time he wore it, the counting didn't go the way he imagined. Nevertheless, doing something other than being stuck on the small ship would definitely help to clear his mind.

Sneaking off the ship was as easy as usually, the only thing he had to watch out for were the two men on guard duty and he was off in the night.

The port was smaller than the one in You Feng and from the very first look, Zuko could tell that also much poorer.

He sneaked in among the shabby looking houses and started to look for place where the night life took place. As he continued further into the town, it looked more and more deserted. It still wasn't so late in the night, but the bigger the distance between him and the port, less and less lights were on in the houses. The quiet was almost deafening.

Zuko almost gave up on hiding in the shadows. There was almost total dark, if it wasn't for the crescent moon and the stars. He gathered courage to walk into one of the houses and truly, the place looked abandoned for what could be months. He tried also some of the others houses on the street with the same results. Did the Earth Kingdom militia pose so much threat that the people were forced to leave?

He was almost on the other side of the small town and ready to go back to the ship disappointed, when he finally heard voices. With one hand on the dao, he slowly approached the direction, which they came from.

From behind the corner of the last, almost ruined shack, he noticed a group of about ten people smuggling something into the woods. Two of them were holding torches, so Zuko could see their faces. And it was one of the two men's faces, what caught his attention. His face and his clothes were clearly Water Tribe.


A/N: Sorry for the long delay and the linking nature of the chapter. I hope the next one will be more satisfying :)