Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or Timothy Zahn.
Enter Harry, studying an ancient Old Ministry tapestry.
Hermione's Voice. [via Sonorus] Help.
Harry spins around, searching around. He reaches out to Hermione.
Harry. [via Sonorus] What is it?
Hermione telepathically sends Harry an image of her and Ron being held hostage by an army of vampires.
Hang on. I'm coming.
Harry runs from the chamber.
Enter the vampires, armed with Dungbombs.
What do you want?
The lead vampire gestures threateningly with his Dungbomb.
You want me to go back in there?
The vampire gestures again, and Harry backs away from his lightwand.
All right. No problem.
The vampires herds Harry toward another room.
If you'd just tell me what you want, I'm sure we could come to some sort of agreement. I would hope we could at least talk about it. There's no particular reason why any of you has to be hurt.
The vampire fingers the trigger of the Dungbomb.
If you have some business with me, I'm willing to talk. You don't need my friends in the marketplace for that.
Harry backs away.
Now where?
As the vampire gestures with the Dungbomb, Harry telekinetically triggers the switch, causing the vampire to attack several of his own companions.
Harry flips back into the room behind him, where he retrieves his lightwand, as the vampires spray Dungbombs at him.
[aside] This reminds me of my encounter with Draco Malfoy five years ago. Wrapped in the bounty hunter's smart-rope, I escaped only by snapping the cable with a deflected rifle shot. But here there are no rifles to try that trick with. For that matter, I'm not absolutely sure what my lightwand can do directly against the sprays. It will be like trying to cut through a rope that was continually recreating itself . . . or rather like trying to cut seven such ropes.
The vampires fire in a way that prevents Harry from getting close enough to attack.
A standard military technique. I guess I'm not dealing with amateurs, then.
Harry raises the lightwand to en garde position, risking a quick look around.
The vampires charge into the room.
Harry telekinetically drops the tapestries on top of them, but the vampires manage to quickly leap out of the way. The vampires pin the other tapestries to the wall, preventing Harry from trying the same trick.
Harry telekinetically hurls his lightwand at the vampires, managing to cut one of them in half as the blade cut through the fallen tapestry. In a rage, the vampires charge after Harry. Unfortunately, the lightwand soars through and kills every other vampire.
Relieved, Harry contacts Hermione telepathically.
[via Sonorus] Hermione?
Miles away, still held hostage alongside Ron and Percy, Hermione receives Harry's message.
Hermione. [to Ron] He's free. He's on his way.
Ron. Great. Great. Let's hope our pals don't find out before he gets here.
The vampires advance upon them.
Too late. Here they come.
Hermione. Should I try to take their weapons away from them?
Ron. You'll never get all eleven.
Ron glances over at a display of jewelry.
Hermione. That jewelry over there? Grab some of it.
Hermione. [startled] What . . . ?
Ron. Just do it. Grab it and throw it to me.
Hermione telekinetically sends the jewelry box toward Ron.
The Gobelin vendor cries after them in a rage.
Hermione. Ron.
Ron. Get ready to duck.
An angry crowd of Gobelins charge after Ron and Hermione, their bodies protecting them from the vampires long enough for Ron to activate his transmitter.
Hagrid.
Miles away, in the Council House, Harry senses Ron and Hermione's distress.
Harry. [aside] Unfortunately, I'll never get there in time.
Harry eyes the vampires' Dungbombs and summons it to his hand, firing out the window. Using his makeshift rope, Harry leaps out the window and lands in the marketplace, just moments before the Ford Anglia flies to the rescue. Hagrid fires the Anglia's guns on the Gobelins, who retreat from their attack. Simultaneously, Harry deflects attacks from the vampires. Between Hagrid's firing and Harry's swordplay, the Wizards' Council delegation (Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Percy) manage to leap aboard the Anglia and take off from Nottingham.
In the hold of the Anglia, Harry tends to Percy, who has been struck by the vampires' Dungbombs.
Enter Hedwig.
[to Percy] You are a mess.
Percy. I'm sorry, Master Harry. I seem to always be causing you trouble.
Harry. That's not true, and you know it. You've been a great help to all of us over the years. You just have to learn when to duck.
Hedwig. [in binary] Captain Weasley did tell you to duck.
Percy. No, Captain Weasley did not tell me to duck. What he said was, "Get ready to duck." I should think the difference would be apparent even to you.
Hedwig. [beeps and whistles]
Harry. Well, let's try this one.
Enter Hermione.
Hermione. How is he?
Harry. He'll be all right. He may have to stay like this until we get back to London, though. Ron told me these Dungbombs are used mostly by big-game hunters on out-of-the-way regions, and the spraynet they use is a pretty exotic mixture.
Hermione. Maybe the Gobelins can suggest something. We'll ask them when we get back down.
Harry. [frowns] We're going back down?
Hermione. We have to, Harry. You know that. This is a diplomatic mission, not a pleasure cruise. It's considered bad form to pull out right after one of your ships has just shot up a major local marketplace.
Harry. I would think the Gobelins would consider themselves lucky that none of their people got killed in the process, particularly when what happened was at least partly their fault.
Hermione. You can't blame a whole society for the actions of a few individuals, especially not when a single political maverick has simply made a bad decision.
Harry. [snorts] A bad decision? Is that what they're calling it?
Hermione. That's what they're calling it. Apparently, the Gobelin who led us into the marketplace trap was bribed to take us there. He had no idea what was going to happen, though.
Harry. And I suppose he had no idea what the stuff he gave the chief negotiator would do, either?
Hermione. [shrugs] Actually, there's still no hard evidence that he or anyone else poisoned the negotiator. Though under the circumstances, they're willing to concede that that's a possibility.
Harry. [sarcastic] Generous of them. What does Ron have to say about us putting back down?
Hermione. Ron doesn't have any choice in the matter. This is my mission, not his.
Enter Ron.
Ron. That's right. Your mission. But my car.
Hermione. [shocked] You didn't.
Ron. I sure did. We made the jump to lightspeed about two minutes ago. Next stop, London.
Hermione. Ron. I told the Gobelins we were coming right back down.
Ron. And I told them there'd be a short delay. Like long enough for us to collect a squadron of Firebolts or maybe a selkie cruiser to bring back with us.
Hermione. And what if you've offended them? Do you have any idea how much groundwork went into this mission?
Ron. Yeah, as it happens, I do. I also have a pretty good idea what could happen if our late pals with the Dungbombs brought friends with them.
Hermione. [anger fades] You still shouldn't have left without consulting me first.
Ron. You're right. But I didn't want to take the time. If they did have friends, those friends probably had a ship. [smiles] There wasn't time to discuss it in committee.
Hermione. [smiles] I am not a committee.
Harry. Speaking of our pals, did either of you happen to ask the Gobelins who or what they were?
Hermione. The Gobelins didn't know. I've certainly never seen anything like them before.
Ron. We can check the Ministry archives when we get back to London. There will be a record of them somewhere.
Hermione. Unless, they're something the Ministry round out in the Department of Mysteries.
Harry. You think the Ministry was behind this?
Hermione. Who else could it have been? The only question is why.
Ron. Well, whatever the reason, they're going to be disappointed. I'm going back to the pit, see if I can muddle our course a little more. No point in taking chances.
Harry. Hard to imagine Ron Weasley not wanting to take chances.
Ron. Yeah, well, before you get smart, try to remember that the people I'm protecting are you, your sister, your niece, and your nephew. That make any difference?
Harry. [salutes with an imaginary wand] Touché.
Ron. And speaking of that, isn't it about time Hermione had a lightwand of her own?
Harry. [shrugs] I can make her one anytime she's ready. Hermione?
Hermione. [hesitates] I don't know. I've never really felt comfortable with the things. But I suppose I ought to make the effort.
Harry. I think you should. Your talents may lie along a different direction, but you should still learn all the basics. As far as I can tell, nearly all the Aurors of the Old Ministry carried lightwands, even those who were primarily healers or teachers.
Hermione. All right. As soon as my work load lightens up a little.
Ron. Before your work load lightens. I mean that, Hermione. All these wonderful diplomacy skills of yours aren't going to do you or anyone else any good if the Ministry locks you away in an interrogation room somewhere.
Hermione. I suppose you're right. As soon as we get back, I'll tell Minister Bagnold she's just going to have to cut down on my assignments. [smiles] I guess term break's over, Professor.
Harry. [uncomfortable] I guess so.
Hermione. Oh, come on. I'm not that bad a student. Anyway, look on it as good practice. After all, someday you'll have to teach all this to the twins, too.
Harry. I know.
Ron. Good. That's settled, then. I'm heading up. See you later.
Hermione. Goodbye.
Exit Ron.
Now . . . [glances at Percy] Let's see what we can do about all this goop.
Exit all but Harry.
Harry. [aside] "I took it upon myself," Sirius Black said once about Severus Snape, "to train him as a Auror. I thought that I could instruct him just as well as Albus. I was wrong." The words echo through my mind. What if Sirius's mistake becomes my own?
Exit Harry.
