Tauriel POV

Dear Tauriel,

It has been almost A week since we rode out for the Lonely mountain together and I find myself sitting here, alone, writing you this letter. This is no letter of sympathy nor is it a letter of love. This is a letter discussing the most urgent of topics: You. I love you Tauriel. I always have. Since our first spar, your first time training with me as your instructor. I will care for you and will follow you to the ends of the earth waiting for you. But you cannot let this grief pull you under. You cannot let this loss hurt you so, because I know you Tauriel. You are fearless and you have the biggest bravest heart of anyone I have ever known. You cannot let this loss take you under because darkness surrounds us. There will be so many bodies falling after this one. Do not take this as a letter of demoralization or to rid you of hope. I am telling you this because you must know that every body that falls, every corpse that hits the hard packed dirt ground is another person that you must fight for. Every person, soul and creature that gives its life to help rid the middle earth of this darkness is another person to fight for. Do not take the death of your the one you loved as an excuse to hide yourself from the world and barricade yourself in your room. His death and yes, I will say it. Is another reason to pick up your dagger and fight. If you don't fight for your home and the people that love you, then fight for him. Fight for everything that he once stood for and do not let his death go in vain for he was a noble and kind dwarf that deserved every ounce of your affections. For as painful as it is for you to hear it. He loved you, so what do you think he would want for you? Would he approve of you sitting here weeping about his loss when thousands of your kin die fighting to protect our home? I did not know the dwarf well but I believe that he wouldn't contradict me when I say that I don't. I don't approve of you sitting and weeping, at least not when you have so much to fight for and though you may not love me as I do you, so ask you if not out of love but out of friendship. Will you fight for us? Will you fight for your home that took you in when all else closed their doors ? Will you join us? I sincerely hope you will Tauriel. I hope you will recognize as I have in the short time venturing outside Mirkwood and the comforts of home that middle earth needs our help whether you are willing to give it or not. So I beg of you once more not out of the love or the passion that burns inside of me for you, but as a friend writing to someone with whom they share fond memories with. Will you fight against the evil that threatens to take away our homeland and take away all the ones we love? You may feel that you have no one left and I will not lie to you Tauriel, you have more foes than friends but this is no longer a mission about making friends it is about defending what the people you loved cared about with everything you have. For their bodies may have left this earth, but they are not truly gone. They will never leave you, not really. They are in the stars above you, they are the air that you breathe, the water that you bathe in, the fire that burns around you, the leaves of every tree that you climb but most importantly Tauriel, they are in you. Everyone that you have cared about that is gone is in you. For they are the soft spots in your heart that make you so loving and they are the fuel for the fiery passion that burns within parents gave you more than pleasant facial features. they gave you a life to fight for now it is up to you to find the courage to do so. Ponder this for I will be home soon. Tauriel makes peace with your heart, for the lives of your people might depend on it.

Best wishes from your Prince, partner in battle, comrade and Friend,

Legolas

I didn't know how to react. There was no logical way to react. How did he expect me to just get a move on when I don't even know if there's ever anything left to move? How could I keep going? Misery filled me, I felt as if every part of my heart, brain and body had been struck by a thousand arrows. I have felt immeasurable amounts of pain; Being attacked by spiders, their furry talons sticking into my stomach, being whipped with hot leather, bitten by orcs, being shot with arrows, getting speared numerous times. None of it prepared me for what I felt. Nothing prepared me for the feeling of losing someone I loved. So why, I kept asking myself. Why am I still here on the ground, heart throbbing, eyes stinging, tired of issuing tears. Why do I still stay when everyone I loved has left me? My parents, countless guards and Kili have all died selflessly protecting me. What made me so special and worthy of saving, was the question that endlessly rang through my tiresome head.

A FEW HOURS LATER

After many hours of screaming at my walls and assisting my bed sheets in the process from damp to recently came out of a thunderstorm, it hit me. I am not alone and not everyone is gone. Legolas told me not to despair and though I make no promises on that front, I will keep fighting for Mirkwood. Because Mirkwood is my home and I will fight for it and my people who have accepted me and taken me in even when I falter and make mistakes for these are the people that care for me and Love me. And though it may not be in the way that Legolas wants me to, I love him and will stand by him come darkness or light. Because this is a man that I trust and have known for a time that no book can document. So for Kili, my parents, Thranduil, all the citizens of Mirkwood, people of Middle Earth and most importantly Legolas, I would fight. I would fight for the Middle earth that I love and the people of it that I have grown to love, because if the prince of Mirkwood had faith in me then surely I could visit deep within myself and find that same faith.

It was hard. Like heart wrenchingly arduous, pull an arrow out of your behind arduous. It took a long time. And I mean so long I lost the need to count the days. All I knew anymore was that some guard or servant dropped meals at my door and that when they dropped them I would pick at the food and force it down my throat. Some days I would just sit on my bed for hours looking at the wall debating what to do with the life that I somehow managed to maintain these past few years. They whispered. I could hear it, out my door they whispered of how I was fading and how I was to never recover. Usually this would bother me but I took this as fuel to keep going. To show them that I am more than just the simple elleth who spends nonsensical amounts of time embroidering useless things and sewing tunics for her husband. I knew I had to do something but Picking up the pieces was a process that very few elves have ever had to undergo which made me feel more alone than ever. I crashed on my bed and pulled out the letter Legolas wrote to me all those years ago and carefully unfolded the old parchment carefully, wary to not tear the edges.

I fell asleep reading those perfect words over and over again letting them soak in and permanently engrave in my brain. My dreams were not peaceful but they were not alarming either. At first the nightmares came and threatened to take away my world and all those I loved, but as far away as he was I felt that a part of Legolas was there with me. His words enfolding me, guiding me away from the darkness and protecting me from the horrors that surrounded me. Kili fell on the ground before me and I knew it was over but Legolas whispered strength into my ears and I knew that all was not lost and I could fight. I would fight. I Would fight for the people of Middle Earth, I would fight for Legolas but most importantly I would fight for myself. And then it snapped. It wasn't automatic nor was it fast but some part of my heart found its place and started beating again. But this time it wasn't shattered and torn, this time my heart beat as one whole heart and that was when I knew that I would keep going.

My heart was not healed. I don't know if it will ever be healed for the loss of the one you truly loved never leaves you. Just like Kili's smile will forever be in my heart and my father's fiery passion will always burn inside of me. So brick by brick, little by little, stone by stone I come a little bit closer to the light. Everyday I proceed to move a piece of furniture a little farther away from the door that was currently barricaded. Day by day I would grow a little bit stronger. Eat a little more food, swing a sword in my tiny bedchamber and threaten my bedpost and headboard to a duel, wash my face and uncover the pale fair face hidden underneath the coat of grime. It was slow but looking back on it, it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Pulling off the covers and moving on was so simple yet it meant everything. It symbolized that I could live on, there was hope even if it seemed scarce.

Days passed until Iwas ready to face the world again. Slowly one morning I readied myself for the world that waited outside. I first went to the bathroom and grimaced at the repugnant face staring back at me. I quickly washed my face with a thin layer of lavender soap and combed my hair braiding it carefully into intricate braids that fell down to my waist, caressing the small of my back. I pulled on a simple brown and green hunting dress and looked at myself in my small mirror that leaned against one of my tantrum receiving walls. The hunting dress looked different on my body than I had remembered but shrugged off the thought when I remembered that I haven't worn this specific article of clothing in years. I put on a pair of hunting boots and moved my toes around in the soles. I pulled up a lock of my reddish auburn hair and twirled it around my fingers and observed the thinning strands. After feeling fully satisfied with my appearance, I opened the door a crack and peered at the world encompassing me. I stared out into the hallway and saw groups of guards and servants littering the dim hall. I opened the door all the way revealing my small form and the messy room behind me. I discreetly made my way through the hall and down to the training area bumping into a few familiar guards and friendly servants with whom I passed on short greeting of "hello" and nods of acknowledgment. I wasn't really interested in engaging in small talk so I was relieved to find myself alone in a familiar setting . The sun had barely come up, casting a small glow on the barren training area. I was alone with no one to spar but I didn't find this a problem for I just grabbed my bow and started firing at various targets. At first my prowess wavered but after my hands adjusted to the familiar feeling of holding a bow in my hands I felt as though it was second nature. After hitting a satisfying amount of targets, the sun started to rise and guards and trainees started filing in, training and familiarizing themselves with the equipment at hand. At first I felt shy but realized I needed a sparring partner and soon joined in at the various training stations, sparring with different guards and joining in archery contests, realizing I had yet to meet my match. I lost track of time as I continued to spar and train until my joints felt overused, my muscles panging with an unfamiliar feeling of unpleasantness. The other guards headed back into the palace to retire to their chambers and I too found myself weaving through the gargantuan palace finding myself comfortably curled up on my bed. It pained me to get out of the soft covers but I got up mid micro sleep and bathed, pouring buckets of warm water on my face and dirt covered body. Once I was done soaking my body in the warm water I reached to grab a white fluffy cloth and wrapped it around my torso and upper body attempting to dry myself off. I ran my fingers gently through my hair untangling the braids as I went, being careful not to pull too hard. My hair hung loosely tugging on my small frame. The long red locks fell past my waist and brushed near the back of my thighs and tops of my knees. The lack of sunlight affected every part of my body. My skin was as light as snow and my hair appeared darker and when I stepped out of the light, more of a brownish color. I shrugged of these thoughts for they remained irrelevant and placed my hands under the running water and brushing it on my face after I applied a generous amount of lavender soap to my sharp features. Greatly fatigued, I crawled under the progressively more appealing covers, burying my head under the soft fabrics. The next few days I woke early and trained with the guards, sparring and shooting at various targets scattered throughout the woods. It took a few more days for my hands to grow accustomed to the feeling of tying knots and setting traps, for that was a skill that had taken me many years to master. I had to follow the other guards lead and re learn the old skills that were of so much importance.

"No. Don't pull them so hard." A dark blonde guard said to me, readjusting and re positioning my hands so that they tugged on the string with significantly less force. I was embarrassed for this guard would have surely served under me but shoved my pride down because I knew it was the only path towards improvement.

When the sun had started to go down to meet the mountains, the crowd of guards started thinning and I found myself once again alone in my thoughts. I threw one of my daggers at a target repeatedly, happy to find myself once again in the marvelous rhythm of training.

"Tauriel." A guard said coming up behind me. I had failed to notice his presence and silently slapped myself in annoyance. My skill had come back quickly but my awareness and instinct did not seem to be returning quite as swiftly as I had hoped.

"The King Thranduil requires your presence." The guard said surveying me, judgment on his cruel face. I wondered if he used to answer to me. Or perhaps I had trained him, or maybe I had even had the misfortune of leading the cruel faced guard into battle. Noticing my reluctance he cleared his throat and added.

"Now. As in right this second." He said cruelly as if my reluctance was not plausible but in fact very confusing.

"Aye. I understand." I replied nodding my head and following him to the throne room. The confusion on my face widened as I stepped into the throne room and found myself face to face with Thranduil.

I walked in silently trying not to disturb his gaze of contentment as he stared out one of the big windows.

"Ah, Tauriel, There you are." he said as if he had been searching for me for hours.

"You asked to see me?" I asked, still mildly confused.

"Yes I did. It has been brought to my attention that you have been training recently." He said matter a factly proceeding to read the aged scroll in his hands and avoid eye contact.

"Yes." I said uncomfortably. "I do enjoy spending time outside training even if not in my old position." I said a hint of sadness in my voice.

"That was what I was thinking. Well, you possibly returning to your old position as captain of the guard." He went on not waiting for my response. "I have been shifting the captain position often and my only choice at this point was to give the position to Legolas when he returns. You can obviously see the problem with that, for he has so many duties as prince. And Of course finding a future wife." Thranduil finished the sentence with a cruel smile playing at the edge of his tinted lips. His words rang in my ears. I didn't know what to say, nor did I know what to think. I missed my position as the captain of the guard and not because of status or anything but because being the captain gave me responsibilities and a reason to get up every morning. Being the captain was draining but I loved having a family of strong willed men in the sometimes stuffy castle. I could even recall the first time I held a bow, the smooth wood under my tender fingers and how what had originally started out as an innocent (well for the most part) curiosity had turned into such a disaster.

Flash Back:

I was crouched under the bush the sun burning the back of my neck. My back ached and my throat was dry, longing for water. I knew it was a horrible idea even before I got caught the first five times but every time I couldn't resist. I stared in awe watching the soldiers spar and shoot arrows at targets. I knew this was 'no place for an elleth' but my stubbornness always managed to pull through resulting with me crouching in the most uncomfortable position, longing for water, various tutors on my heels. I ignored the nagging in the back of my throat and stared forward trying to engrave the fighting techniques in my brain so I wouldn't forget them. I made sure to watch every turn and every twist, every jab and every perry. It was all some sort of dance and you just had to keep the music going staying light on your feet ready for anything. Or at least according to the most recent captain of the guards. I wished to fight alongside him and other great elven fighters of this time, treated as their equal. I knew it was an impossible goal but that did not stop me from approaching the vacant training grounds once the sun had set. I kept a low position wary of any leftover guards that might linger approaching the weapons shed and placing my hand firmly around the ornate silver dagger handle.

After observing the grounds I found no trace of any lingering guards and set to work. First I practiced with a dagger for it was the weapon that most interested me, unlike most elves who preferred a bow and arrow, a smoother less aggressive attack. I began familiarizing myself with the weapon. At first the weight of the dagger seemed too much to bear and I felt unsteady, my body squirming around. The instructor's firm instruction spoke into my ear and I remembered him saying to plant my core into the ground and be one with the earth. I found that a very abstract idea and had trouble applying that to my current situation but as my arms grew more flexible and I began to turn with ease I understood that the only way to win is to use the area surrounding you. It took a while before I became comfortable enough to start jumping and using different defense mechanisms but when I fell down I understood how to prevent that from happening again. My arms and legs soon grew soar from stabbing at the air with such ferocity that I switched to throwing my dagger at various targets I had lined up around the training area. Once I felt satisfied throwing daggers I found myself staring at a wooden bow. I swear it was staring at me. It had two big brown eyes that were taunting me daring me to come closer. I was scared and tempted. To hold a dagger and throw it was one thing but stealing a bow and being the first elleth of Mirkwood to string it and let the arrow fly seemed to be too much of a daunting task. So slowly but surely I picked up the wooden bow and notched an arrow. I let the arrow release feeling as though this was a revolutionary moment only to find that I was utterly alone and the arrow had undoubtedly lodged itself in a tree leagues away from the target. My stubbornness washed over me once again and I notched another arrow and tried to recall what the instructor had said. "Breath in." He had said, "and let your arrow and your breath go as one." I made a sharp intake of breath and notched the arrow up slightly higher staring at the target before me. When I let it go the arrow flew towards the target and landed a few inches towards the left of it. I drew a relieved sigh and turned around to grab another arrow for the instructor said you must continue when you have made progress only to find that the voice had not belonged to my mind but in fact belonged to the tall elegant elf that stood behind me.