As sudden as the memories flooded in my brain they were gone. There was no more time for games and no more time for horseplay with the guards, war was upon us, evil was spreading so as much as it pained me to do so I knew what my answer had to be.

"Yes, My lord. I will do it." I stared at him right in the eye not worried about his reaction, I knew that this was what I wanted and I was determined to do it.

"Good." He said his eyes finally lifted up to meet mine. "You will start tomorrow. You will be expected to be at the training grounds at dawn." He continued and when he saw my shocked face felt the need to add. "No exceptions."

"I understand." I replied looking down at his feet. Could I do this? Could I resume my old duties with a clear mind and able body? Could I put everything behind me and pretend that nothing has happened enough that I could truly move on? No. I answered silently to myself. No, I could never truly move on. But I had to try.

I exited the throne room with a look of determination on my face. I quickly made my way to my chambers and washed off quickly and crashed into my soft blankets. I wanted a peaceful night with no tears, screaming, nightmares or anything in between. I fell asleep content knowing that this night was the start of something new for I had finally made peace with my life.

The next morning I awoke earlier than usual and washed my face observing myself in the mirror. I did not know how to feel about the fair looking elleth looking back at me so I moved on to what I planned to wear for the day. I only had one hunting dress for I had never felt the need to wear anything else. But when I pulled the soft brown and green fabric over my head I noticed that it hung too loose on my frame and I could not move very easily with it. It was fine for sparring and shooting arrows but I could not climb or run very well. The material seemed heavy and added to my body weight feeling more like a burden than a tool. Being the captain of the guards I set out to the seamstresses. When I approached the door I realized that I had no money and no right and really no real permission to be going here in the first place. I buried the thought and I turned the door handle any way for there was no way I could properly fight and train with guards with the dress dragging me down. So with the little courage I could gather I knocked on the seamstresses door.

"For the last time Cadfael. I am NOT open." A soft voice spoke demanding authority. The door opened slowly to reveal a small dark haired elleth with one heck of a death glare. When she saw me she immediately turned a bright shade of red that challenged my hair or a sunset on any given night.

"Oh!" She put her hands over her mouth. "I am so sorry. Please forgive me. What can I do for you?" She asked opening the door and ushering me into the small dimly lit room. It was small but covered from head to toe with all sorts of fabrics from the exact color of sea foam on a midsummer's eve to the color of a fish scales in the sunlight. In the middle of the cluttered room there sat a small desk with a seat behind it and needles for sewing.

"Wow." I muttered in awe. I knew there must be other seamstresses and lots of other places where they made tunics and robes for nobles but I couldn't help but feel something special about this place. I realized that my jaw was asleep and was falling g towards my toes so I quickly readjusted so I looked less awstrucked and returned to my usual indifferent facial expression.

"My hunting tunic has grown too big I am afraid I need a new one." I said nervously my eyes still wandering around the small space.

"Are you a noble elleth or of noble status?" She asked already knowing the answer from taking one look at me

"No. But I am the captain of the guards and I cannot train without a new hunting tunic." I said defensively.

"How soon do you need it?" She asked. I was surprised by her question for I was sure she would have revoked my simple request.

"How long will it take?" I asked, my very limited knowledge of sewing and embroidery continued to evade me.

"I could have it done by perhaps two nights from now. Would that work?" She asked. I nodded gratefully and made my way to leave but turned around and spoke to gain her attention.

"I have no coin. However can I repay you?" I asked feeling that I did not want to have to be in anyone's debt.

"I do not need anything. I am simply curious." She must have picked up on my confused face and added. "I have never sewn any hunting attire for an elleth. I do like a good challenge." She said smiling at me as though she had said something amusing. I left consumed entirely by my thoughts. I had to go to training and meet the guards for today I just had to make due with my old hunting dress.

I made my way down to the training area and was greeted by a small group of lethargic guards who all muttered small "hello's" and a few "I am tired" or maybe that last part was in my head. We started with a few small drills but within a few minutes I could tell the guards were either very rusty and needed a few harsh reminders or all their training as a guard had been sloppy and lacked basic technique and proper instincts as well as reflexes. The pace started slow and remained slow from morning all the way to mid afternoon that came with a hot sun burning on our backs. I could tell they were tired but I felt no sympathy for this group, they were in need of ability improvement as well as proper discipline so when the sun started sinking behind the mountains I kept pushing them until their posture and physic had gotten so sloppy there was really no point in continuing to try and train them or at least for the day. I quickly dismissed telling them to rest well and to meet me at the same place the next morning while retiring to my chambers a look of frustration upon my face.

The next day was a blur of training and a quick meal then I was in the same place as before, fuming over the new guards lack of improvement. I curled up in bed but I winced when my hip hit something hard. Maybe a rock? I turned and picked up the small object and dusted it off and recognition hit me and I realized that this was the rock Kili gave me. Well maybe not rock for it had a metaphorical meaning to. Staring at it was a mistake for I just curled up in a ball of tears and rocked myself to sleep wishing that Kili could be here comforting me. That rock just reminded me that I am still here while the true hero lies under a grave rotting under the soil. He said it was a promise, he said other things too, things about love. He spoke of love as if it was a gift you could just give someone. He gave me his heart unaware of the repercussions, unaware of the pain it would cause me later. I knew he had loved me and I was sure that I had loved him too, but why didn't I tell him so? Why couldn't I look him in the eye and tell him that I felt the same way. Would he still be here? Would he still be here if I hadn't done so little. If I had slain Bolg instead of waiting for my slow death, would kili still see the sunshine and feel the warm breeze on his face? My thoughts carried me to sleep, my dreams reflecting the rock and all of its meanings.

The next morning I did not wake up until the sun had surfaced and I changed into a simple dress that the ordinary lowly silvan elleth would wear. It was closer fitting partly because it was from many years ago. It was pale yellow and was very faded that it almost appeared to be white when I stepped out of the light. I shrugged off the thought of my appearance and headed down to the seamstresses room where hopefully my new hunting tunic would lie.

The dress was beautiful. I was not sure exactly what the "modern" elleth would consider beautiful but this was in my eyes the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. The cloth was soft and orange with green accents everywhere, complete with a green cloak to go with it. When I turned in it I could move swiftly and with ease. I didn't even have to think about my movements.

"Thank you." I said as I turned to face her. She blushed and I could tell she was proud of her work. There was a little padding on soft parts of my body to decrease the pain if I fell, I knew this would be helpful and I was excited to wear it. The color was one of my favorite things about the dress. It was much brighter than my hair and more orange where my hair is more auburny brown than the of the dress which was the color of a bright sunset. I peered over my shoulder and found a tall lean elf standing in the door looking at me dubiously.

"You are expected to be training Captain Tauriel. the guards have been waiting hours." I knew this was a lie without looking at the sky but I muttered thanks to the seamstress and walked out of the door curtly following the elf to the training grounds.

I approached the training grounds feeling as though today we would finally make some progress. I felt that maybe the old techniques were not working and I had to try something different. I gathered them in a circle in the middle of the grounds and the idea struck me. I would lead them into the woods where I had my first lesson in archery and sparring. I looked at the tall trees and I knew that for whatever short period of time we would have I wanted to show them what they were fighting for and fighting to protect. I ushered them into the woods feeling at ease being surrounded by nature and the green forest air encompassing me. I took a deep breath and scattered some targets throughout the small glade making sure the targets started out easy but got progressively harder. I instructed everyone to take a turn trying to shoot at the various targets and the first one I admit, was further off than my first attempt in my life but slowly but surely they improved. I kept having them shoot at the targets bribing them with promises of breaks and rest. We kept at it for the rest of the day and they improved mightily and so did their the time the sun had set we were all eager to keep going but left the small glade with high spirits and promises of dinner. I went to bed that night filled with promise for what the next day would bring