Happy early Halloween! :D I was originally gonna' post this closer to the big day, but eh, I'm excited.
From anonymous request:
"ANYWAY, i am a huuuggee Valduggery shipper XD maybe you could write a fic set in like, idk a Halloween party or something? I KNOW you are super busy, but like Halloweens comin' up and IDK, you write it so well! k just luv you. BYE"
THERE IS PORN. THERE IS PORN AFTER THE ELLIPSES ( ... ) DO NOT READ AFTER THAT POINT IF YOU DON'T LIKE, YO.
"Are you done?"
Valkyrie scowled at the mirror. "No. Just like I wasn't done when you asked me five minutes ago. I still have to do makeup."
"Makeup?"
Valkyrie heaved a sigh and opened the door. She gestured down at herself, smiling, twirling. She thought it was pretty good, having put it together from Alice's wardrobe in fifteen minutes.
Skulduggery tilted his head. "Oh."
"Oh? That's all you can say?"
Skulduggery took another second to observe her. "You're wearing a tutu."
"Wow."
"And tights," he tried.
"Wow. I'm a cat."
"What part of that costume is supposed to be a cat?"
Valkyrie groaned. "Look, I'm a cat, okay? Black Uggs, black tights, black tutu, black tanktop…" She turned, showed him the scarf stuffed in the back of the tutu. "Tail. I couldn't find ears, but…"
She took out the eyeliner and returned to the mirror.
"Valkyrie?"
"Mm?"
"That's eyeliner."
"Yes."
"You're… You're putting it on your face."
She faced him. "Whiskers and a nose." She crinkled her nose, crossing her eyes to see the black, just out of sight. "Cute, right?"
"Well," Skulduggery said, "you're certainly wearing it."
Valkyrie laughed. "All right, well, what's your costume, then?"
"I'm wearing it."
Valkyrie noticed the suit for the first time. Skulduggery's pants were pulled up to his ribs, and the legs ballooned and bagged and tightened back at the ankles. He wore an oversized jacket, and a wide-brimmed hat. There was a pocket watch. There was an oversized tie. There were padded shoulders. It was light pink.
She burst out laughing. "Oh my God. Your costume is a parody of yourself?"
Skulduggery's head jerked back. "Excuse me?"
Valkyrie's grin faltered. "Oh. Oh, is that not it?"
"It's a zoot suit."
"A suit suit?"
"A zoot suit. They were popular during the 1940s in America." Skulduggery adjusted his lapels. "My costume has a historical context."
"As does mine. Cats are really historical. Especially black cats. Did you know people still kill black cats in America because they think they're bad luck?" Valkyrie returned to the mirror, tapped the eyeliner, testing how smudge-proof it was. "It's awful."
"And yet, you can't remember how to do long division in your head."
"Whatever."
Skulduggery checked the time on his watch. "We're going to be late."
"Shit." Her finger slipped, and she smudged the makeup. "Shit."
Valkyrie practically bounced in the Bentley. She kept checking her makeup, adjusting her tutu, looking over and grinning at Skulduggery.
"We've never been to a Halloween party."
"I'm surprised we were even invited. You're chaotic when you drink."
They were driving down a wooded road, and Valkyrie kept peering out into the dark, hoping to catch sight of the house they were driving to. She saw a distant light and grinned again.
Her smile slowly faded.
The house was huge. There was a staircase leading up to giant glass doors, and there were little shrubs everywhere with orange fairy lights. The whole façade of the building was lit up, and the reliefs cast deep shadows. There was a chauffeur, who watched them drive by with confusion. The house's lawn was like a gold course in the back.
Skulduggery shut off the car. "Seems like it's going to be a good party."
"Uh."
Skulduggery opened her door and took her arm, and Valkyrie felt a little stupid. She smiled at the chauffeur as they ascended the stairs.
And then they walked into a time-traveler's convention.
Valkyrie gripped Skulduggery's elbow, stopping him.
"I thought you said this was a costume party," she hissed.
Skulduggery looked around. "It is."
There were dresses everywhere—long, floor-length dresses, trailing trains. There was a woman resembling Queen Elizabeth, face white and hair red and curled. Another woman had a Roman shawl wrapped around her, and a few of her friends were dressed as slaves.
There were a thousand different dresses in thousands of different cuts. Corsets and fanciful hair twisted up into bows and arcs of pearls. Eyes painted with gold, women in warrior shawls, swords, huge dresses.
And the men—suits of armor, authentic battle-gear, priest gear, a Pope. Swords and spears, escorting the queens and the Egyptian goddesses. Battle flags and drummer boys and chainmail.
In between them, waiters in simple black swerved through the crowd. There were no overhead lights, and there were people in the crowd carrying lanterns, allowing the room to sink into darkness.
Valkyrie gaped.
"I am so underdressed."
"Nonsense!" Skulduggery chirped. "You fit right in. I'm sure there's another cat somewhere in here."
"I thought this was going to be a small thing. Oh my God, everyone is here." Valkyrie closed her eyes. "I want to go home. I want to go home and eat sweets."
"You're the one who made me drive all the way out here."
"You're the one who texted me and said we were going in the first place!"
Skulduggery pulled her into the crowd. "We might as well make an appearance."
"You just want to show off your costume," Valkyrie grumbled.
"Valkyrie, have you ever seen quite a fanciful costume? Sure, it doesn't have the same appeal as, say, a suit of armor, but I think it has its perks. It's subtle, for one. Only those who are truly bright will catch the reference."
Valkyrie bumped into a courtesan and apologized.
"And it's modest. Sure, I could have sprung for the armor. But this?" Skulduggery faced Valkyrie, taking one of her hands so she wouldn't get lost in the crowd. "This is a magnificent thing. The fashion from another age."
"I need a drink."
Skulduggery laughed, and a drink appeared in his hand. He handed it to her, and she took a sip. She felt the alcohol burn as it went down, and she coughed a little. Skulduggery continued to lead her. Suddenly they were in a less crowded part, somewhere behind a support column near the wall, in the semi-dark.
Valkyrie sipped on her drink and leaned out, watching the people pass. Skulduggery moved closer, told her the time periods the various customs.
"That looks to be about 1870s. You can tell because of how it flares out like that, an adaption of something from the 1700s, where the hips jutted out. Women used to be swept up by gusts of wind and carried out to sea, where they would promptly drown."
Valkyrie laughed.
"That woman, there, obviously Roman. She wears all that jewelry to signal that she's engaged. Probably to—that man, there, with the purple robes. Roman senator. Although…" Skulduggery leaned closer to her, to get a better look. "He seems to be flirting with that 1700s peasant."
Another drink appeared in Valkyrie's hand. Her other hand played lazily with Skulduggery's tie.
"You think she could do better?"
"No, not really. See, that's—" Someone laughed loudly next to them and moved away. "—She's one of France's upcoming politicians. I would assume she's using this opportunity to—another drink? Maybe you shouldn't—all right, then."
Valkyrie pointed. "What about her?"
Skulduggery followed her finger, rested a forearm against the column. "A popular fashion trend was to tie your hair with ribbon and twine. Used to catch fire when they would walk by candles."
"Maybe she'll trip and one of the—one of the lanterns will set her on fire." Valkyrie laughed.
Skulduggery slowly looked at her. "You're drunk."
Valkyrie shrugged. "You're wearing shoulder pads."
…
Her makeup had smudged. Valkyrie dimly remembered she had left her eyeliner back in the Bentley, and she wondered if anyone would notice her sneak out of the party to go and get it, then return to the bathroom to fix it.
Skulduggery kissed along her neck, and Valkyrie made a noise she was barely aware of. She hadn't caught sight of the façade, but she could see in the mirror that his hair was dark and her hands were twisting though it. They were playing classical music. They should be playing something spooky.
Skulduggery's hand slipped from her breast to her ass, slipped underneath the tutu.
"Stupid tail," he murmured into her neck, and his other hand wrenched the scarf away.
"That's Alice's. Don't rip it."
"I gently threw it to the side. I highly doubt I even came close to ripping it. These tights are really skin-tight."
Valkyrie arched her back away from the wall, allowed him to slide a hand underneath the waistband, tug the thin fabric down. He jerked at the last second and Valkyrie adjusted her grip around his shoulders.
"I might have ripped those."
"Mm," Valkyrie agreed.
Skulduggery peeled them away from her legs, but the tights only got as far as her knees before Skulduggery was running his hand along the back of her thigh. Valkyrie raised her leg willingly, and Skulduggery supported her weight. Valkyrie was left on the tiptoes of one foot, Skulduggery's hand slipping under her shirt.
He rolled one nipple gently between his fingers, and she let out a moan.
"No underwear?"
"No, it leaves lines."
"Lines?"
Skulduggery's hand ghosted over her stomach, then wrapped around her back and pulled her closer, allowed him to crash his lips into hers. Their teeth clacked together, but Valkyrie didn't mind.
"Underwear lines," she said against his lips.
"Oh. I don't think I've ever thought of that."
His hand slid around back to her front, and she felt the tips of his phalanges. She let out a little moan, felt herself get wet in anticipation. Skulduggery laughed, switched back to her neck, peppered kisses.
"I like the tutu," he muttered.
"Oh, that's creepy. Why didn't you take it off?"
Two fingers were against her now, circling her clit. Valkyrie inhaled sharply whenever it hit her just right. Her head bumped against the wall, against the nice wallpaper in the nice house with the fancy Halloween party going on. Still with the classical music.
"What?" she panted.
"I said, I think the tutu adds to your charm."
"I'm always charming—ah."
Skulduggery laughed, switched sides of her neck, and she caught sight of green eyes. His fingers were going faster now, and she was more than ready, but he just kept laughing against her neck as she gripped the suit coat, dug her fingers into his ribs, shoulders.
Scapula, she remembered.
"Valkyrie," he murmured, "I could have a better conversation with my reflection."
She opened her mouth to protest, but he chose this time to slip two fingers into her. Her hips bucked and she let out a gasp. He pressed against her, and she didn't have enough room to move with him, and she let out a little growl when he continued his slow pace.
"The party doesn't end until late, Valkyrie."
And she was pinned for a moment, nothing but slow friction, Skulduggery's dark murmuring in her ear. Valkyrie pushed against the wall with her back, trying to get him to go faster, anything.
Finally, mercifully, he sped up, and Valkyrie sucked in a breath.
Someone knocked on the door, and Skulduggery froze.
"Someone's in here," he called over his shoulder, and Valkyrie caught a look at the straight nose of the façade. "Be out in…" He looked at her. "How long would you say?"
Valkyrie opened her mouth, but nothing came out. "Uhh…"
"As always, the definition of eloquence."
He resumed his movement, and this time she was allowed to rock with him. Each time they met in the middle, her eyes fluttered shut. She could feel her muscles tightening with each thrust, feel the pleasant warmth radiating.
And the world becomes Skulduggery, his fingers digging into her thigh, his fingers, his teeth, façade gone, digging into her neck. And she comes, grips him, hisses between her teeth and everything narrows, relaxes in his arms.
He waited a few seconds before her removed his fingers from her, set her back on her feet. She held on, worried her legs might not support her, and she let herself slide to the floor. Skulduggery looked down at her for a second, sat across from her, leaned against the sink.
"Happy Halloween," she said. Grinned.
"I'm atheist."
"What?"
"It was originally a Pagan holiday."
Valkyrie frowned. "Oh. Crap, did we leave a bucket of sweets outside your house?"
