Based off of something I posted on Tumblr ages ago.


"I can't believe I'm missing Christmas," Valkyrie muttered.

Skulduggery glanced over at her. "We're not missing Christmas. As a matter of fact, Christmas is a week away. We'll be back well before Christmas—we'll be back so early, I'll still have to suffer under the holiday cheer."

"Yeah, exactly. We're missing the holiday cheer, which is almost as bad as missing Christmas." Valkyrie rubbed her hands together. "Oh, wow, this town is so cute."

"You've said that about every town we've ridden through."

Valkyrie gestured. "But look. It looks like a postcard. The snow and the chimneys and the little red houses. We should stop and get gingerbread men. And hot chocolate. Or hot something. Seriously, it's cold."

"We'll, we are in Sweden."

Valkyrie sighed. "Yeah. Why couldn't we go somewhere warm for Christmas?"

"You're being incredibly annoying right now."

She grinned at him. "You just don't want to bleach."

"No," Skulduggery said, "I don't want to have to deal with you complaining about sunburn. I'd rather you you'd lose a toe."

"What?"

"Or your nose."

"You would rather me toe-less?"

"Or nose-less."

She frowned at him. "Don't be grumpy. Look on the bright side, maybe we can…" A house caught her attention, and she couldn't help but to watch it whip by them. "Did that house have a barbed-wire fence?"

"I believe so."

"Don't you think that's a little suspicious?"

Skulduggery shrugged. "Oh, I don't know. I mean, this is another country. They probably celebrate Christmas differently than we do. I can see the appeal in a good barbed-wire fence. It would keep out carolers, for one."

Valkyrie laughed, but she turned in her seat to watch the house recede. "It looked like it was cobbled together."

"Did it?"

"Don't pretend you aren't curious. Can we just poke around? Really, really quick, before we're yelled at by the Swedish Sanctuary? Because don't act like it wouldn't be a thousand-times more interesting."

Skulduggery huffed, but he was already pulling over to turn around.

They drove back and circled around the house. It seemed normal. Two stories, blue paint, a decent yard, a chimney with no smoke. Except for the fence, it was another postcard house. The barbed-wire was crudely fashioned together, welded quickly and badly. While there had been lights on in the other houses, or groups of people huddled around outside, this house was dark and deserted.

Valkyrie leaned over Skulduggery's seat on their third pass. "Look," she said, pointing, "the window's broken. Can you tell which side the glass broke on?"

"Not yet."

They pulled over and got out.

"It's fucking freezing," Valkyrie moaned. "Why couldn't we have been ordered here in the spring?"

The sky was gray, and Valkyrie couldn't tell if it was snowing against the endless white of the surroundings. The town was a few kilometers away, and no one had disturbed the snow around the house. There were woods far behind the house, and in front, nothing but an empty field.

Skulduggery shook the fence. Shook it again. "Thoughts?"

"Creepy," Valkyrie muttered. "It's deserted out here. What are they keeping out?"

"Or in." Skulduggery removed his hand, rubbed his fingers together. "This metal has magic woven into it." He whistled between his teeth, and they both fell silent, listening. "Well, if anyone's in there, they're not coming out."

Skulduggery wrapped his arm around her, and she grinned as they lifted into the air and landed neatly on the other side of the fence. She felt very heavy as she stepped away from him.

They walked slowly toward the house.

"Jesus," Valkyrie muttered. "Can you heat up the air?"

"I knew a man who tried to do that, actually."

Valkyrie perked. "Oh? Did he teach you?"

"No, he caught fire. He tried to vibrate the air molecules, and ended up creating too much friction." Skulduggery swept the snow out of the way, checked for glass in front of window. "Glass on the inside."

Valkyrie blew into her hands, wishing she could spark a flame. She stepped toward the window and boosted herself up. She checked around the house; it was almost entirely empty. There were a couple pictures on the walls, but every piece of furniture had been removed.

She pulled herself through the window, landing on her hands and knees, careful of the glass. She hopped up.

The front door opened and Skulduggery stepped in.

Valkyrie scowled.

"It was unlocked." When she didn't respond: "Though, I admire how ready you were just to crawl throw a window."

"Shut up."

"I'm impressed," he insisted.

They looked around. Valkyrie waited for Skulduggery signal that it was clear before she stepped further into the house. Skulduggery kept his hand out, but he obviously wasn't concerned. Valkyrie flexed her fingers, stretched out her palm; she didn't expect to feel anything.

"Nothing but the draft from the window," Skulduggery said softly. "But something's been in here within the last week."

"Maybe they moved?" Valkyrie walked into the middle of the living room. "Maybe they condemned the house. Magically." Her eyes fell on the corner of the room, and she walked over. "Look, pine needles. They had a Christmas tree."

"Maybe their holiday cheer killed them," Skulduggery said over his shoulder as he walked into the kitchen.

Valkyrie rolled her eyes.

The ground floor only had the living room and the kitchen. There was a set of stairs going up. The house probably felt a lot smaller when it had furniture, but now it just seemed too empty. Valkyrie heard Skulduggery whistling in the kitchen, and the noise bounced strangely off the walls.

There were a couple of family photos on the wall. Valkyrie walked over to one, touched the glass. Two boys holding up fish in the spring, a toddler riding the back of a huge dog. A spot on the wall, faded, where another frame should have hung.

"There's a picture missing."

"They could have been robbed," Skulduggery said, walking back into the room. "Although, all the food in the fridge is gone. Well, the fridge is technically gone, but I assume the food is gone with it. The pantry's also been raided."

Valkyrie looked over to say something, but stopped. "There's blood on the stairs."

"I was wondering when you were going to notice that. Shall we check upstairs?"

Something thumped.

Valkyrie looked at Skulduggery. "Something thumped," she whispered.

Skulduggery snapped his fingers, and fire curled around his fingers.

"It might be a good thump," Valkyrie murmured, summoning her magic underneath her fingertips.

They moved toward the stairs, and Valkyrie waited for Skulduggery signal before following him. He kept one hand out in front of him, the other ready to throw the fire. Valkyrie's fingers buzzed, and her muscles kept twitching.

Something moved again. Skulduggery froze, and Valkyrie saw his head tilt before something crashed down onto the landing. Valkyrie cursed and let out a bolt of lightning, tripping over her feet and falling down. She scrambled up and summoned her magic to the surface again.

Skulduggery backed slowly down the stairs. Both his hands were up, pushing against the air. Something snapped and snarled against the barrier, and all Valkyrie saw was teeth. Huge, giant teeth that wouldn't look out of place in an ad for toothpaste.

Skulduggery reached her, and Valkyrie could finally get in a shot. The electricity whizzed through the air and struck the thing right in the tongue. The creature spasmed and slumped, slipping down a few stairs.

Skulduggery waited a minute before lowering his hands.

Valkyrie felt sick. "It ate them, didn't it?"

Skulduggery didn't answer.

The thing's mouth was immense, cartoonishly large. A giant set of teeth in a huge head, the rest of the body resembling a snake with human arms and legs glued on. It slipped down a few more steps.

Skulduggery turned his head to talk to her. The thing lunched forward, teeth clicking together, crashing into Skulduggery's legs.

He cursed, and Valkyrie screamed and slammed a kick into the thing's side. The thing scurried away, dragging Skulduggery through the living room and into the kitchen. Valkyrie ran after it, energy buzzing—but she kept missing.

I didn't put enough juice into it. Fuck, fuck, fuck, I should have fucking fried the thing's brain when I had the chance.

Valkyrie ran into the kitchen, whirled around until she saw stairs leading into a basement. She cursed and hurried down them, flicking on the light.

She faced the basement, didn't see the thing until she heard it scuttering underneath the stairs. Skulduggery wasn't there, but she saw how the creature's stomach distended, and she didn't even think as she lifted her hand and let out a shot of energy.

The thing was already moving, though, and it ran at her. Valkyrie cursed and backpedaled, held up a hand to let off another shot, and then the thing's teeth clamped around Valkyrie's arm. It hurt.

"Fuck," Valkyrie snarled.

She hauled herself and the thing backwards, struggled to get her free arm out of the jacket. She fell on her ass, and she kicked at the thing's jaw, her free wrist caught in the sleeve, and then it was free. She shot a snap of energy at the creature, but she knew it wasn't strong enough.

The thing's mouth tightened and then loosened around her. Valkyrie ripped her trapped arm away—lost the coat.

The thing was stunned, but it still inhaled the coat. Valkyrie scrambled back, managed to get her feet under her. The creature was blocking the stairs, and there was no way she could—

It lunged at her, and Valkyrie hurried back until her head hit brick. But her back didn't. She ducked, looked up through the chimney, made sure it was open. She turned sideways and braced her back against the bricks, put her boots on the wall, and pushed herself upwards.

The thing struggled to get its mouth through the opening of the chimney, and Valkyrie was steadily working her way upwards.

And then her arms scrapped against the stone, and her heart jumped to her throat.

It got narrower.

Valkyrie forced herself to breathe normally as she forced herself upwards. Her arms were fully against the brick, and she felt her skin peel with each movement. The thing had managed to wedge its way up after her. Now her chest pressed against the brick, and she had a horrible image of getting jammed, getting—

"Skulduggery!" she yelled. "Skulduggery, you need to get out of there! Please!"

She slipped down, cried out, dug her knees into the bricks and managed to continue to inch herself upwards. She couldn't breathe. She was going to die, and all she could see was the little patch of gray sky far above her.

Blood dripped off the tips of her fingers, and she felt like an idiot.

She stopped moving and concentrated. She felt drained, stress and fear making her magic flighty, and she had already shot off more than usual. She tried to force air into her lungs, but she heard the creature getting closer and abandoned the idea.

Her hands glowed, and she poured as much magic into her fingers as she could, waited until the thing got closer, teeth clicking and breath wheezing. Released the magic. And then she scooted to the tips of her boots and let herself plummet down.

Skulduggery was sulking. He had lifted all the slime off of his clothes, but he moved gingerly. He watched as Valkyrie dragged the monster's body from the chimney to the stairs.

"You could help," she muttered.

"I'm recovering from my ordeal."

"You were only digested for like, five minutes. And I couldn't have hurt you that much when I landed." Valkyrie put her foot on the first stair and hauled the thing up by the tail. "I killed the monster."

"Not before it ate me."

"Yes, but before it digested you—don't I get points for that?"

Skulduggery waved a hand, and the monster floated off the stairs and into the air. Valkyrie watched it pass over her head warily.

"You get a few."

Valkyrie walked back over to the chimney and picked up her coat. "God, it's so slimy." She held it out.

"Valkyrie, that must be terrible. Your precious coat, covered in digestive acid? How do you cope?" He waved a hand, and the slime dripped off the coat and onto the ground. "You must need—"

"I'm sorry you got eaten, okay?" She grinned at him.

Skulduggery marched up the stairs, and Valkyrie laughed and followed after him.

Valkyrie rang the Swedish Sanctuary, and after having several miscommunications, she handed the phone to Skulduggery, who arranged a pickup for the monster. They sat next to one another and watched the monster.

Valkyrie shivered, and she reluctantly pulled on her coat. She shocked the monster again, just to make sure.

"Did you get me a Christmas present yet?"

Skulduggery pointed. "Say hello to your new pet."


Thank Heslen, Autumn R. Wolf, and RedIvySparrow for reviewing!

Y'all are very nice. ;A;

Also, everyone should go look at bubblemoon66's stories. They have a couple things up, but their main is "Normal Again." It's very, very good. Trust me.