"I don't think this is going to work, Crowley."

"Aziraphale, please...don't do this..."

"I mean it. Crowley. I'm putting the sweater back."

Aziraphale took off the sweater, which was white with blue stripes on it, and put it back on its hanger.

"I thought it looked nice," Crowley protested, but nonetheless took the sweater back when Aziraphale opened the door of the changing room to hand it to him.

"It's too..." Aziraphale blushed. "Maybe we can try a different color?"

"I've got a green one? It's a size up, though."

"Let me see."

Crowley handed him the sweater and Aziraphale closed the door. He tried the sweater on, tugging it in various ways over his body as he tried to decide whether he liked it or not.

"It's...better," he decided.

"Let me seeee," Crowley nagged. Aziraphale opened the door.

"It looks a little big on you," Crowley said after a moment. Aziraphale blushed again.

"I think it looks nice..."

"I mean, if you like it, that's fine. My turn!"

Crowley let Aziraphale change back into his old sweater and swapped places with him, carrying a pile of shirts into the changing room that looked oddly small to Aziraphale. Within a few minutes, Crowley flung the door open.

He was wearing a black tank top that stopped at the base of his ribcage. Printed on the top was a white cartoon cat with a red bow on one ear.

"Well?" Crowley asked. Aziraphale went red.

"Aren't you cold?" He asked, looking away. Crowley shrugged.

"Let me try another one."

The rest of the shirts were basically the same design - crop tops in various colors or designs. Aziraphale found it hard not to melt into the floor after awhile. Leave it to the demon to be so good at tempting.

"Are you alright?" Crowley asked as he came out in his last shirt, which was hot pink with a rose on it.

"You're very attractive," Aziraphale said bluntly. Crowley laughed.

"Hold on, one more thing." He closed the door again. After a few moments of shuffling, he opened the door again, turning so Aziraphale could see the word "TASTEY" emblazoned on the back of his new pair of athletic shorts. Aziraphale pulled the door closed on him.

"What's the matter, angel?"

"Just give me a moment, won't you? I, ah, have the vapors."

"Angel, if this is too much for you, I can stop."

"No no, don't worry about me. I'll be alright."

Crowley came out with his normal clothes on. "Aziraphale?" He asked, looking concerned. "Tell me if we need to stop."

"Could we take a break? Aziraphale said, not making eye contact. "I do think I am getting a bit overwhelmed..."

Crowley nodded. "Want to get lunch?" He caught the brief grimace that came over Aziraphale's face before he eventually nodded.

They left the store (asking one of the managers to watch their stuff) and walked towards the food court. They'd taken a bit of a trip to this mall, but Crowley had thought that going somewhere new and changing up his style would help Aziraphale feel a bit better. So far things had been good.

"Looks like they've got sushi," Crowley said, nudging Aziraphale, who nodded. His angel sat down at an open table, and Crowley walked over to the sushi place, grabbing what he thought Aziraphale would like and headed back, sitting down across from Aziraphale and handing him a pair of chopsticks. Aziraphale hesitated at first, but eventually gave in, munching quietly.

"D'you ever think about humans? For awhile?" Crowley asked.

"Hmm?" Aziraphale hummed, still chewing his California roll.

"They can't use miracles, they can't come back if they discorporate, they can't fly. But they've invented loads more things than we have. They're still using whiteboards down in Hell. How do they do it?"

Aziraphale swallowed and shrugged. "They don't have to worry as much about following any Plans, so they have more time to come up with things?"

"Maybe. But to think, everything in this room is here because someone sat down and thought about it. Someone figured out how to make bricks, someone figured out how to paint them, someone figured out how to make glass, someone figured out how to use glass to make a ceiling...hell, someone sat down and said, 'hey, what if we put fish on rice?' and look where we are now. Is that any good, by the way?"

"Not really," Aziraphale admitted, crunching some uncooked rice. Crowley frowned, and Aziraphale didn't even pretend to be surprised when the piece of rice softened in his mouth.

"You're too good to me," he moaned. Crowley shrugged.

"Anyway...hm. I had a point there...Humans! I just think they're neat."

"That's another one of your...meems, isn't it? I saw it on your phone the other day."

Crowley pretended to cry. "They learn so quickly..." Aziraphale rolled his eyes.

"Ready to go back?" He asked. Crowley nodded.

Back at the store, Aziraphale once again found his head spinning as Crowley asked him to evaluate many different outfits. There were about fifteen minutes where Crowley tried on different dresses, and as he came out in the last of them he looked Aziraphale over.

"You've never worn one of these, have you? You ought to give it a try."

"Crowley, I..."

"You don't have to if you don't want to! Just thought it'd be interesting to see."

Aziraphale thought about it for a moment. "If you go pick something out for me...I'll try it. I don't know if I could find anything good."

"Ye of little faith," Crowley declared, wandering off through the store. Aziraphale mentally prepared himself for the occasion. Crowley returned not too long after with a few selections, which he handed to Aziraphale as he pushed his angel into the changing room.

Aziraphale took a deep breath and slipped his clothes off, turning away from the mirror. He grabbed the first dress, a simple cornflower blue slip-on, and intuited his way into it. He risked a glance in the mirror and instantly regretted it, turning away again and trying on the next one, which was dark green and had more frills. This one still wasn't great, and his resolve wiggled a bit. The red sweater dress he discarded without a second thought, but the flowing white one gave him pause. He tried it and it wasn't terrible? He didn't like the color so much but at least it didn't show him off. The last one was pink and strapless and Aziraphale came very close to trying it before deciding that was probably a bad idea.

"Can I see?" Crowley called. Aziraphale gulped. He put the white dress back on and peeked out the door. Crowley smiled.

"You look gorgeous, darling. Is that the one you liked the most?"

"Maybe a different color?" Aziraphale asked. Crowley nodded.

"Blue? Green? Pink?"

"Pink?"

"Pink it is, angel." He snapped his fingers and the dress Aziraphale was wearing turned a light pink shade.

"Ooh, hold on." Crowley reached over to the pile of clothes and grabbed the green sweater from earlier. "Put this on top?"

Aziraphale obliged and liked the results. "It is a pretty outfit," he said.

"It's got a pretty angel inside of it!"

"Crowley..." Aziraphale blushed.

"Do you like it? Is it comfortable?"

"Yes, I think so. Thank you, Crowley."

Crowley smiled. "Glad to hear it, angel. Now I'll have to find something to match!"


In the end, they left with two bags, one for Crowley and one for Aziraphale. Crowley had narrowed down his findings and had chosen a select few outfits, while Aziraphale had managed to find a few more sweaters he liked, plus a rather cute pair of reading glasses and some comfortable pants. Crowley had tried talking him into shorts, but "the dress is enough change for me today, dear".

They passed by a pet shop, where Crowley pretended not to be interested in the reptile supplies and Aziraphale pretended not to be amused at Crowley ogling the heat lamps. Then they passed by a bookshop, where Aziraphale pretended it wasn't there and Crowley pretended Aziraphale wasn't pouting. They passed by a few other stores before Crowley stopped in front of one. "You might want to wait out here," he said, handing Aziraphale the bags. He went inside. Aziraphale stood outside the store for a few minutes before getting bored. It was Eden all over again! Maybe a tiny peek wouldn't hurt?

He ventured into the store, noting the be-bop was definitely not his style. There were strange shirts hung up on the wall, including a hawaiian shirt that had the words "here to fuck shit up" written all over it. He passed by a wall of interesting mugs and shot glasses before finding himself in front of a wall of lava lamps. They were pretty, and he lost himself in watching the rise and fall of the heated wax.

"Aziraphale?"

He jumped. Crowley emerged from over his left shoulder.

"How long have you been waiting?" Crowley asked.

"Only a few minutes," Aziraphale responded.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes, why?"

Crowley looked incredulous. "Turn around?"

Aziraphale turned around and finally noticed the wall of sex toys and the several racks of sexual gag toys that he'd somehow obliviously walked by on the way in.

"Ah," he said, disassociating. Crowley facepalmed.

"This all from...ah...that lot?" Aziraphale asked. Crowley shook his head.

"Nope. All human inventions."

"Ah. Did you find what you were looking for?"

"Yes, dear. Just some earrings. I can show you when we get outside. Did you see anything you wanted?"

"Ah, there was a shirt..." Aziraphale walked back to the front of the store and grabbed the hawaiian shirt from earlier.

"Really?" Crowley asked.

"You got those shorts," Aziraphale pointed out. Crowley grinned.

"Bastard," he muttered under his breath, though he meant it kindly.


Almost completely out of the mall, they stopped by one last store, which was covered in purple and cheap children's jewelry.

"This was one of mine," Crowley said proudly.

"A children's jewelry store?"

"Yeah. Unprepared employees giving terrible piercing jobs, poorly made jewelry that rubs off on your skin after awhile, kitschy sparkly slime bath bombs...face it, this is Hell on earth!"

"Crowley, that's horrible," Aziraphale said plainly.

"Eh, that's what they paid me for. And by paid, I mean 'didn't discorporate'. Oh look! Cupcake earrings!"

Crowley wandered into the store. "I'll wait outside this time, dear," Aziraphale said, finding a nearby bench to rest for a moment.

Crowley wandered past the rows of Jojo Siwa merch and the astrology themed mood rings, briefly wondering what star sign Aziraphale would choose for himself if he had to, until he came to a small selection of sterling silver earrings. He'd made sure to save himself something good.

"Can I help you find any-...oh."

Crowley turned around. "Amy! How are you these days? Didn't know they'd put you in charge of Claire's."

"Well, someone had to take charge of this place after the demon in charge of it told all of Hell to fuck off."

"I like to think it was a bit classier than that."

"Still left us little guys to pick up the slack. Look at you, being NICE. To an ANGEL. It's disgusting."

"More than the carpet in here? Doubt it."

"You may think you're different, but I know what you are. You're still one of us."

Crowley scoffed. "You just want someone to do your work for you. What I am has nothing to do with it."

Amy scowled, crossing his arms over his chest. "What will it take to get you put of my store, freak?"

"A few of these amethyst earrings. How much?"

Amy begrudgingly checked him out.


"Here's an idea," Crowley said as he joined Aziraphale on the bench. "We swap faces again, go into one of the shops, and find something for each other to wear."

"What?"

"Yeah, we can dress each other up. We don't have to get anything, I just think it'd be interesting. Walking a mile in the other's shoes, and all that. But, ah, without the threat of Heaven and Hell.

"You don't have to if you don't want to," he said, sensing Aziraphale's hesitation. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"I think I'll try it," Aziraphale said after a bit of a pause. "But if I can't handle it, we have to switch back. Alright?"

"Agreed." Crowley put his hand out. Aziraphale glanced around quickly before taking it. A few seconds and a rather queasy feeling later, he opened his eyes to a slightly darker mall.

"Now then," he heard himself-but-not-himself say. "Where to?"


Aziraphale had to admit that dressing up Crowley was fun. He looked good in pretty much everything. He'd tried out several outfits, clothes he never thought he would enjoy but took a bit of a liking to. T-Shirts, dresses, leggings with patterns on them, heels, flannels, he ran the gamut of everything he could think of. He even took a moment to try on a crop top or two, matching one with a short skirt.

Crowley had responded well to all of them, smiling happily. The expression sat more easily on Aziraphale's face than it would have on Crowley's. He grinned again as Aziraphale stepped out of the changing room one last time, back in the clothes Crowley had originally been wearing.

"Aziraphale, fashion icon," Crowley said.

"I'm really just trying things," Aziraphale blushed. "I never realized how many different things humans could wear."

"Times keep changing, angel. Ready for my turn?"

"Yes, I think so," Aziraphale said, retrieving the clothes he'd tried on and walking off to hand them over to the changing room attendant. He walked back to the changing room to wait for Crowley.

Crowley started with some sweaters and cargo shorts, then moved onto more modern clothing, like t-shirts and jeans. It was...daunting. Aziraphale was still trying to decide how he felt about all the different outfits. When Crowley stepped out of the changing room, wearing Aziraphale's body, clothed in a long-sleeved crop top and a pair of black skinny jeans, Aziraphape made a choking noise.

It was at first out of shock, at the idea that he could even ever wear anything like what Crowley was wearing. But then as he gazed at his own body from his outside perspective, he realized that he...didn't look that bad. While inside his own body he saw himself as disgusting, from the outside he looked totally fine. He looked fine. He looked...good!

"Angel, are you alright?"

Aziraphale nodded, rubbing his suddenly teary face. "You look good, my dear."

"Yes," Crowley said softly. "You do."


Aziraphale woke with a start sometime after 2am. He sat up quickly, shuddering as he tried to catch his breath.

"Crowley," he croaked. Crowley rolled over, groggy at first, but sat up when he heard Aziraphale sniffle.

"Angel? Are you alright? What's wrong?"

"I...I think I just had a bad dream," Aziraphale whispered, wiping his wet face. He suddenly felt Crowley hug him.

"Breathe with me?" The devil asked.

"Of course," the angel answered.

They lay down, calmly taking slow, deep breaths, until Aziraphale calmed down. Crowley kissed his forehead. "Do you want anything? Water, tea, wine?"

"Anything," Aziraphale sighed. "I'll come with you."

What he had wanted to say was, 'please don't leave me alone right now.'

The two walked to Crowley's kitchen, where Crowley whipped a couple of hot toddys with chamomile tea mixed in. Aziraphale drunk willingly, sighing as if all the air in his body was being let out.

"Why are angels so mean, Crowley?"

"Wot?"

"Gabriel, Sandalphon...they never cared about saving Earth. They never cared about collateral. They never cared about Adam, or...or me. They barely cared about the war, they were so sure they were going to win. Nothing mattered as long as they got to boast about their victory. Pride, Crowley! The sins!" He shook his fist. Crowley knew he hadn't put THAT much whiskey in the drink, but it was also very late at night.

"But Heaven was always supposed to be right! Good, always, the only thing we did! That's why the demons fell and we didn't, because we were good! How can angels who can only be good be such bastards? Why did they need to prove themselves so much? Why...why did I need to prove myself at all? If we have the capacity to be bad, how can we be perfect angels at all? How haven't we fallen? ...we should. We should all fall. We don't deserve Heaven. Not when we're all so stupid and mean."

"I get what you're saying. D'you remember what Gabriel said to me before I stepped into that hellfire? I told him I hoped we'd meet again under better circumstances, and he told me to 'shut your stupid mouth and die already,' the arse. Even before that, he had a meeting with Beezlebub of all people, who he almost let slap me! A demon! Hitting an angel! Right in front of the angel who swore to beat us!"

Crowley realized that while he'd been talking, Aziraphale had started turning much paler than he already was.

"You never told me..."

"Course I did. Didn't I?"

"You told me about the fire. That was it."

"Oh. Sorry then. I...I didn't mean to hurt you."

Aziraphale covered his face with a hand. "Care for another drink?" He asked.

"Of course. Wait - why did you go back to working for Heaven after that tried to execute you? You said you told Hell to leave me alone."

"I don't know, I...it just felt like the right thing to do. I thought they were just doing their jobs, that anyone could have been in my shoes, that...that they hadn't WANTED to kill me. I'd just broken all their rules and averted their apocalypse. I just went back into Heaven one day and said I was ready to go back to work and Gabriel...said he'd give me another chance to prove myself. Prove that I was still an angel, I guess. Oh, Crowley...!" He sunk to the floor.

"I'm so...so fucking stupid!" He cried.

"Ange-ngk...Aziraphale..."

"I just walked back in, all cheery, like nothing happened, like they hadn't just tried to kill me, and I LISTENED to GABRIEL. I LET him berate me for WEEKS and...and I believed him! Oh, oh, this is what he meant when he said 'why couldn't you just die when I told you to'!" Hot, angry tears ran down his face. He was shaking. He wanted to hurt something, anything. He just wanted to scream.

"'It's your fault the Earth is still turning, so you of all people should be working hard to keep it that way.' That's what he said to me that day when he summoned me. He...I believed him. I believed I needed to work again. I almost let him talk me out of the bookshop, of all things!"

He shoved his hands into his hair, closing them into fists as though he meant to pull it all out.

"How long have I let him do this? How long would I have, until I collapsed? How long would I have worked until I realized I wasn't supposed to be there anymore? Would he have let me do his work for eternity?"

Crowley rested a hand on Aziraphale's shoulder, which to his surprise got him a glare.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner, Crowley!? Why did you let me go back?! How long until you would have told me what Gabriel said to you?! How long would you have let me believe him?!"

"Aziraphale, I didn't know-"

"You knew he hated me! You knew we were supposed to be left alone! You knew I'd gone back!"

"I didn't, Aziraphale. I didn't know you'd been working again until you told me. I know I acted like I knew but I didn't want to cause a fuss."

"Is this not a fucking fuss to you, Crowley?!" He needed to stop. He needed to stop before he said something he'd regret.

"This is all YOUR fault. If you'd told me what Gabriel said I would never have gone back, I wouldn't have collapsed, NONE of this would have happened! You let me get hurt so you could, what, heal me? Demons can't heal people! All they do is lie, and destroy, and hurt! And I let you hurt me, willingly, with a smile on my face. That's all we're good for! All I do is hurt, and all you do is hurt me!"

Ooooooh fuck. There it was. Oh FUCK. Why did he say that?? Crowley didn't deserve that. Why had he said something so untrue??

He opened his eyes and looked up. "I'm sorry. That's not-"

Crowley was already gone.