Hogwarts Thestrals:

Tenebrus (gloomy, dark): firstborn of the second generation of thestrals; Hagrid's personal favorite; a large male

Caeleste (celestial): female; Mixl's mother; white spot on right hind leg

Mixl: third generation; Talis; favorite; a small female with a white mark under her right eye

Vespertilio (bat): male with large wings

Stellae (stars): female with small white dots on wings

Noctis (night): male with a very dark color

Griseo (grey): male with a light color

Ibis (owl): young male; colt; son of Stellae

These are not canon. I looked up the Hogwarts thestral herd, and Tenebrus was the only one named. I don't usually trust Google Translate, but I was high as hell and did not worry if the Latin translations were perfect.

Author's Note: I know the thestral scene with Harry and Luna is earlier in the book and movie. I felt it fit better right here.

Chapter Text

It took a week for me to leave my cabin.

A week.

A week of endless sobbing into my pillow.

A week of clawing up the furniture then repairing it to just destroy it again.

A week of cursing Harry James Potter.

A week.

And as soon as I stepped out the door I was met with sunshine. Bright sunshine. I grimaced as it burned my eyes, and brought a hand up to shield my face.

"It's 'bout time yeh were showin' yerself, Talis."

A large shadow blocked out the sunlight, much to my relief. I stared up into the face of the keeper of the keys. "Hey, Hagrid." Oh, fuck... I sound like shit.

"I wa' just thinkin' I was gonna have to drag yer body outta yer house," he said. His beetle black eyes stared down at me kindly. "I haven' sen yeh in days."

"I've been dealing with self-pity," I grumbled.

"Well, are yeh over it?"

Was I? Was I over it? A fuzzy image of Harry smiling at me came forward from the depths of my mind. The answer: no, but I lied anyways. "Yeah."

"Good!" A hand clapped me on the shoulder, and my knees nearly buckled. "I need yer help today." He smiled wide then turned to head into the forest. There was something about his smile that seemed off.

Sighing quietly, I followed him.

"Went down to Hogsmeade yes'erday to see how yer uncle was holdin' up. He is missin' yeh," said Hagrid, pausing so I could catch up. "Says yeh should go have a drink wit' him sumtime."

"That sounds like a great idea," I said, "but I'm worried Umbridge will put up a ward to keep me from returning to the grounds."

"Yer uncle mentioned that. Says he understands why yeh haven' been down."

"He's an understanding guy."

"That he is. Now. I need yer help with the thestrals. They're all actin' spooked, an' I can't fig're out what's wrong wit'em." That's why Hagrid's happiness seemed just a bit forced.

"Is Mixl okay?" Most of my depression seemed to vanish like morning mist.

"She won' let me get near 'er."

My brow furrowed in concerned. Mixl was always friendly towards Hagrid; she was a third generation therstral and was as tamed as a lizard horse could be. As the trees enveloped us, I relished the feel of the cool shade on my exposed skin. My cloak had been destroyed in one of my rampages, and I did not see the need to repair it just yet. My sneakers made soft squelching sounds as we tracked over some soft mud. The legs of my blue jeans were snagged by brambles and a cool breeze kissed my exposed arms.

It felt great to be out of my cabin.

About fifteen minutes later we were in the clearing by the stream where the thestrals' paddock was located. The ground was well packed from many hooves walking on it. The stream was teeming with little fish. Bones, some with the tiniest amount of flesh still on them, were piled under a tall oak tree. Several of the thestral were in the clearing. Studying the minute details, I could figure out which one was which.

Tenebrus was resting under the oak tree near the bones. He raised his head as we approached but did not get up. Stellea was teaching her son, Ibis, how to clean his leathery wings. The little colt's neck was not long enough nor did he have the dexterity to reach the tips. Noctis was eating what looked like what was left of a deer, crunching the bones to get the marrow. Vespertilio and Griseo were no where to be seen, so I guessed they were having an afternoon fly around the grounds. Caeleste, Mixl's mother, was trotting between the stream and a cave opening not too far away, whinnying loudly.

"What's wrong with Caeleste?" I asked, watching the mare make another trip.

"Not sure," Hargid replied. "Been doin' that all day. Won't let me get too close."

A soft whinny came from the cave.

"I'll see what's going on."

Hagrid gave a nod of approval, then tugged the rucksack off his shoulder. I could faintly smell raw meat; he must have brought it as a distraction. And it was working. The thestrals, except for Caeleste, approached Hagrid with welcoming chirps.

I left Hagrid behind and slowly approached the nervous mare. She stood in front of the entrance to the cave, her hooves planted in the ground, and stared at me. Her wings twitched, and she squawked.

"Shh, shh, it's okay, Caeleste," I said soothingly. I held out a hand to let her sniff it. After a moment she did, but I could tell she was still nervous. "What's wrong, beautiful girl? Is everything okay? I've come to help." I peered past her at the cave entrance. "Is Mixl in there?" Carefully I reached out and touched Caeleste's leathery cheek. She chirped quietly, her eyes not leaving mine. "Let me pass, Cealeste," I murmured. "If she's in trouble, I'll do my best to help her." I stroked her face gently. Caeleste clicked her beak then leaned forward away from my hand to rest her bony chin on my shoulder. I carefully petted her long neck. "I promise I'll do my best."

Caeleste gave a soft snort. She moved back and stared at me for a few more seconds before slowly making her way over to Hagrid, leaving the cave entrance unguarded. That amount of trust that thestral put in me was almost overwhelming, but I knew I would keep my promise.

I took a deep calming breath. A quiet chirp came from the darkness.

I went into the cave.

The darkness was suffocating for a moment before my eyes adjusted to the gloom. Then I smelled it. The scent of Caeleste and the other thestrals must have blocked it.

Blood.

Then I saw her.

Mixl was lying on the sandy ground, legs tucked under her skinny body. One of her beautiful wings was stretched out. The membrane was ripped. Brilliant red blood had mixed with green pus, giving it an off brown color. The smell of infection was enough to make me gag.

"Mixl."

The thestral raised her head.

"Hey, sweet girl."

Mixl just stared at me. Her sides were heaving; she was scared.

"It's me. Talis." I slowly crept closer, holding out my hands in a non-threatening manner. "It's okay. It's okay." I halted when she snapped her beak-like mouth at me. "Hey, now. Don't get testy with me, Mixl." I continued towards her. When she did not show any sign of attacking, I knelt down in front of her. Bright white eyes stared at me. "Mixl," I murmured. "It's okay."

Finally, after a minute, her breathing calmed, and she leaned her head forward to sniff me. I stay still until she rested her chin on my shoulder. "That's a girl." I reached up and carefully stroked her long neck. "Good girl, Mixl." My eyes drifted down to her injured wing. "What happened?"

The thestral whinnied quietly in my ear. I could almost feel her pain. I knew what it was like to be injured beyond the point of moving.

"Do you trust me, Mixl?"

She leaned her head against mine for a moment. Then pulled away to look at me. Her beautiful eyes had dimmed to a very pale grey, as if her pain had overshadowed her fear of being injured near a predator. Her trust in me must be immense.

Crawling on my knees, I shuffled over to her outstretched wing. The smell made my nose wrinkle. "Poor girl." I moved around for a moment so I could rest the top of her wing across my lap. I scanned her injury. The edges were not shredded, which would happen if something with claws had attacked her. It was wider that any of the centaurs' arrows; I would probably massacre the bloody show ponies if they ever hurt the thestrals. Instead. . .

Wait. . .

"Who the hell would do that to a thestral?!" I snarled under my breath. "I'll be right back, Mixl. I have to get something." As quickly and quietly as I could, I got to my feet and left the cave.

Hagrid was talking to the other thestrals as I approached him. ". . . An' I says to him, 'Yer not gonna get it!' and he says to me - What's wrong with her, Talis?"

"Someone shot her with a curse," I said with a curl of my lip.

"Who the hell would do that to her?" Hagrid's already dark eyes seemed to darken more as rage reddened what was visible of his face. That was scary. But then his rage suddenly gave way to fear. "Does she need . . . yeh know. . . Does she need to be put down?"

"No. I'm not going to let that happen. I'll help her."

Hagrid stared down at me, eyes shimmering. "Tha's kind o' yeh, Talis. But if'n she can't fly -"

"She'll fly," I said firmly. "Maybe better than before." I took a deep breath then slapped my hands against my sides for a moment. "Hagrid, I'll do what I can. It may take a while, but I promise to heal her."

"I know yeh'll do yer best. Good luck to yeh."

"Do you have some meat left over?"

Hagrid nodded and dug a rabbit carcass from his rucksack. "Tel 'er it's from me."

"I will. Thanks, Hagrid."

I rushed back to the cave. Mixl was trying to lick at her wound. I returned to my spot by her wing. "From Hagrid," I said when she whipped her head up to smell the meat. I set the carcass on the floor in easy reach. With her distracted, I took my wand out of its sheath on my thigh. "Tergeo," I muttered. The thick liquid surrounding the wound was siphoned into my wand. I grimaced as more and more of the hole was revealed to me. The edges were frayed as if they had been burned. It obviously was not a clean tear. When all the blood and pus was gone, Mixl gave a soft snort, possibly in appreciation.

Some blood still oozed from the broken veins at the edges. "Episkey." The veins sealed themselves. "Tergeo." I stared at the now clean wound.

A deep breath.

Two.

I cast a bubble of silence around myself, making certain that not even Mixl could hear me. After a moment, I did another spell, one that would not let Mixl feel the pain. I don't think she would survive it.

My hand trembled a bit as I waved my wand in a slow circle above the tattered wing. "Et Carnes Novum," I hummed, closing my eyes. "Et Carnes Novum. . . Et Carnes Novum. . ."

A burning started at my fingertips. I grimaced at the slight pain. As I continued the chant, the burning became worse and worse until it felt liek my hnd was on fire. A scream was ripped from my throat as I dived head first into agony, breaking off my chanting.

Thanks to the bubble, no one could hear me.

I was in my own hell.

I broke off the healing spell.

The pain faded away. I was left a sweating, twitching mess. My wand hand was trembling so much if felt like it was about to fall off. I choked on air as I fought for breath.

I looked down at the wing and blinked slowly.

The hole was smaller. An inch or so of grey flesh had grown from the main wing inward.

I took a deep breath.

"Et Carnes Novum. . . Et Carnes Novum. . ."

I gritted my teeth as the burning restarted. I forced my nails into claws and dug the tips into the protective grip on my wand. This time when the burning grew intense, I forced myself to shout the chant, screaming the words in pure agony, all alone in my bubble.

Once again I broke the spell when I could not take anymore.

Again the pain faded.

This time I let out a whimper of pain as I caught my breath.

More of the hole was finished.

I took a bit longer to recover. My mind was torn between relief that the pain was over, and the pure depression that I had to do it again. I glanced over my shoulder when I noticed the cave seemed to be filled with more shadows. The sun was going down. Had I really been doing this all afternoon? I weakly summoned a fire to give off light to see. I noticed a flask not far away from me; it was a little lop-sided, as if someone had thrown it from the entrance of the cave.

"Okay." I looked into Mixl's bright eyes. "We're almost there."

I drank from the flask to moisten my throat.

"Et Carnes Novum. . ."

-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-

When I came to, I was spread-eagle on my back. The membrane of my bubble was not there. It must have popped when I blacked out. Sunlight was streaming into the cave.

My muscles protested as I forced myself to sit up. I glanced around.

The flask was sitting in the sand a few feet away, a large dent on one side. How - Oh. I had thrown it against the wall last night in a rage as was my hand was being burned to what felt like a crisp. A robe had been placed under my head. It was way too small to be Hagrid's. The soft scent of...

...

What was he doing here?

A nuzzle from a beak on my cheek drew my attention. I turned a bit to look at Mixl. "I... I'm okay, girl," I whispered. "Just tired."

Mixl chirped at me then turned her head to look down.

I followed her gaze and, after a moment, I smiled in spite of my worn out state.

Her wing.

It was mended.

Bright against the black was a brilliant grey patch. The new skin was flawless, a beautiful scar to prove she was loved and a survivor.

"We did it, girl," I murmured.

Mixl flexed her wing. The membrane stretched and relaxed perfectly.

I sighed heavily. "I could sleep for a we -"

I dropped backwards, head landing on the Gryffindor robe. The familiar scent wreathed around me as I fell into a deep sleep.

-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-

Voices brought me back to reality. They were distorted like I was underwater, then, slowly, became clearer.

"What are they?"

"They're call thestrals."

"Hm?"

I groaned and rolled over onto my stomach. Mixl let out a nicker as my face landed in the sand. "Thanks, Mixl," I muttered when I lifted up my head. "Laugh at the man who fixed your wing." I felt a light tap on the back of my head, and Mixl chirped happily. "Yeah. Yeah." I groaned again. Summoning whatever strength I had left, I slowly got to my feet. I stumbled, and Mixl caught me with her fixed wing.

"By why can't other see them?"

I paused from picking up the robe my head had been resting on.

Why was he here?

"They can only be seen by people who've seen death."

That was Luna. I'd recognize her dreamy voice anywhere.

"So you knew someone who's died, then?"

"My mum. She was an extraordinary witch, but she liked to experiment."

I cocked my head a bit, curious.

"And one day, one of her spells went badly wrong."

I frowned. Poor Luna. I didn't even know she could see the thestrals; damn shame she lost her mother.

"I was nine."

That... did not make my sadness any better.

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, me too," I muttered under my breath. Mixl snorted softly.

"Yes, it was rather horrible." Luna's voice softened for a moment but quickly returned to normal. "I do feel sad about it sometimes, but I've got Dad." She paused for a heart beat. "You know, we both believe you. That He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is back, and you fought him. We believe the Ministry and the Prophet are conspiring against you."

"Thanks. It seems like you're the only ones who do."

He sounded so defeated. What happened the fire I had seen in him so many times?

"I don't think that's true," Luna said in a simple tone. "But I think that's how he wants you to feel."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, if I were You-Know-Who, I'd want you to feel cut off from everyone else. Because if it's just you alone, you're not as much of a threat."

And that is why she was one of my favorite students.

"And we both know there are many others who believe in you."

"I can't imagine who; it seems as if everyone hates me for one thing or another."

"They'll come around," Luna promised. "Hello, Talis. Did you sleep well?"

"Talis?"

Mixl remained by my side as a support, and she helped me out of the cave. Harry's eyes widened at the sight of me, but Luna looked calm as ever.

"Hey-Hey." I cleared my throat. "Hey, Luna." My voice was a bit scratchy but it was at least audible . I looked from her to Harry, forcing myself not to get caught in his emerald gaze. "I don't mean to sound rude, but what day is it?"

"Thursday. You were asleep for two days." Luna reached into the bag at her hip and withdrew a jug of water. "Here. Hagrid said you might be thirsty."

I stepped away from Mixl and took the jug gratefully, thanking her. As I drank, Luna circled me, her eyes roaming everywhere. "You look like you're still in one piece. What spell did you use?"

I smiled a little at the Ravenclaw. "Something that is probably illegal."

Luna stared up at me with her crystal blue eyes. "It wasn't probably illegal, was it? It was illegal."

"You caught me, and, no, I'm not teaching you it."

Luna grinned dreamily. "I'm glad you're okay, Talis." She looked over her shoulder at Harry.

I looked at him, as well. After a moment of silence, Harry finally opened his mouth. "You can see the thestrals?"

I almost laughed. He didn't want ask me that; I could see it in his eyes and the way his lips were forming a different question. "I sure as hell hope so," I said, "or else I just nearly split my very existence into pieces for the hell of it."

"What happened?"

"Mixl was shot by a witch or wizard. Superstitious bullshit most likely caused this, or someone with a deep vendetta against thestrals." I turned a bit to look Mixl. She was being checked over by her mother. When she spread her wings to show off her flashy new patch, her mother chirped a soft song of happiness.

"How id you do that?"

"Like I said, it was illegal." I glanced at Harry. "It wouldn't be the first illegal thing I've done."

Harry stared at me, but I ignored him.

"What are their names?" Luna was staring at the thestrals with great fondness.

"Tenebrus is the largest male. He's Hagrid's favorite." The large male thestral glanced up when I said his name then snorted when he realized I was not talking to him. "Mixl has a white spot under her right eye and that gorgeous grey patch on her wing, thanks to me!" I called out, directing the end of my sentence to the thestral; she flexed her wings and snickered. "That one with the white spot on her hind leg, that's Mixl's mother Caeleste." I took another swig of water. "The male with the large wings - the ones almost reaching two feet behind him - that's Vespertilio. His wings are a bit more bat-like than the others. Noctis is the solid black one, and the grey one is his brother Griseo. And the female with the speckled wings is Stellae. And her colt Ibis."

"Did you help name them, Talis?" Luna withdrew a chunk of meat from her bag. She threw it towards Ibis, who instantly starting chomping on it with his tiny beak.

"Hagrid let me name Mixl and Ibis."

Harry appeared at my side as Luna reached out to let Ibis sniff her hand. I tried to ignore the heat that flowed from his body. His scent was driving my insane. "How can you see them?"

"I watched my parents die," I replied after a moment. "I was probably six. They were killed because my father would not join Voldemort." I turned to face him. He gaze up at me; I resisted the urge to bury my face in his hair and hold him. It was hard to do, but I somehow managed. "I was hiding in a closet. I peered through the crack at the wrong time." I shivered a bit, but not from the cold. "It was the Killing Curse. Instant death."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's not your fault." My hand started to reach out to take his, but then I reminded myself that I should not do that. That's what a partner would do, not a monster. I moved away from him, looking up when Luna called my name.

"What was it like, the spell?"

"It was more of a curse, really," I replied, my hand twitching at the mere thought of it. "It... It starts to burn your hand after a while. It's excruciating, and the longer you use it, the more intense it gets. Almost to the point where you need to scream to help release the pain. Only, it doesn't work, and it feels like your hand is being burnt to ash." I shuddered. "Then, when you break it, the pain vanishes, leaving you with that strange feeling of uncertainty. It's like your brain knows your hand is still attached, but at the same time it believes its gone." I held up my right hand. There was not one tiny burn on my skin. "But that pain was worth it."

-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-tc-

"Tut, tut, Talis Creary. Will you ever learn?"

I grimaced as I choked down the potion. "Ugh," I grumbled then coughed at the after-taste. "It was for a good cause, though," I muttered.

The cup was taken from my hand. Another quickly took its place.

"I know what you did," Pomfrey said, her face set in a stern frown. "And we both know that spell should be illegal. It is highly unsafe and unpredictable."

"I told you it was for a good cause."

"And I'm sure the thestrals will give you hero's party before too long," the patron mutter sarcastically.

"That would be awesome." I chugged down the new potion and gagged. It tasted worse than the first one. "Ew. Can't you make them more flavorful?"

"Of course I can, but then how would you learn your lesson?"

"Aren't medic witches supposed to be caring?"

Madam Pomfrey shook her head. "I'm healing you, aren't I?"

"Are you this sassy with all students, or just me?"

"You are no longer a student, Talis Creary," she retorted. "And I am not being sassy."

"Yes, you are," I muttered under my breath when she stepped away to help another student; he had some weird growth spilling out of his ears. I turned to the witch sitting at my bedside. "Do you see it, the way she treats me?"

Hermione's eyes narrowed.

"Absolutely criminal." I met Hermione's glare with calmness. "What can I do for you?" I asked as pleasantly as I could muster.

"Harry's been acting weird," she said.

"Everyone is, thanks to the toad."

"I don't think this had anything to do with Umbridge," she continued. "He's been having difficulty eating, and Ron told me he has a hard time falling asleep. And when he does, he says your name. I walked in on him crying the other day. When have you ever known him to cry like that?"

I shrugged. "I don't know," I lied.

"Maybe you can talk to him -"

"No."

Hermione stared at me. "You're his boyfriend," she said in a fierce whisper. "Surely you can -"

"We're not together anymore," I interrupted softly, feeling my eyes start to burn.

"He'll talk to you, I know - Oh. Y-You're not together anymore?" She blinked slowly. "H-How? Why?"

"He said he was tired of me treating him like a child, then called me a monster. We're over, Hermione. I made a mistake by falling in love with him."

"You don't believe that though."

I shook my head. "He and I are no longer together," I repeated quietly, looking at my lap. "He can do whatever he wants. I'm sorry he's having a hard time, but it's no longer my problem. He's back to being just another student. Maybe he should talk to Pomfrey." I blinked and a tear rolled down my cheek, getting caught on the ridges of my scar. "The only good thing about all this is that I don't have to worry about being sent to Azkaban." I lifted my gaze to Hermione's softening face. "He broke my heart, Hermione. Just like Blue did. I guess... I guess they aren't so different after all."

"Blue?"

"Blue Jacobs. We went to school together. We loved each other, then he destroyed everything we had. Every time I'm look in a reflective surface, I'm forced to see the result of his betrayal." I raised a hand to touch the scar. "I guess I am just a monster, Hermione, and monsters are not loved."

Hermione did not say anything. Instead she moved to sit beside me on my hospital bed. She looped her arms around me and hugged me to her warm body. Before I could stop myself, I buried my face in her neck and sobbed. Hermione shushed me quietly, threading her fingers through my greasy hair.

"I'm not-nothing but a monster," I whispered through my tears.

"You're not a monster, Talis. You're just as normal as the rest of us." Her voice was calming. "Shh. Everything will be okay. I promise." She squeezed me a little tighter. "It'll be okay."