Sakura took a deep breath and used both hands to assure herself that her hair was in order. It was bordering on obsessive, no use denying it. Of course it was in order every time she checked, she had the type of thin boring hair that never did anything but hang down anyway and it wouldn't miraculously look better just because she touched it all the time.
She nodded to the Anbu guard on duty and started walking up the stairs, muttering encouragements to herself. She was going to go into the Hokage office with a straight back and her head held high. An image of calm professionalism as expected of the future Head of Konoha's Hospital. She wasn't going to cry and she wasn't going to be resentful or hurt nor would she allow any of the immature emotions to surface that had battered her all night until she felt ground to dust.
It wasn't like Kakashi owed her anything.
He had even warned her at the very beginning, in the same bar of all places. Where there's a spark, there will be a fire, he had said, she remembered it so well, and I know this one would be devastating. She had taken his words lightly, being the silly, inexperienced cow that she was. Typical. Now she was the one who had burnt herself. Burnt herself to a degree...
But she would eventually be able to remember their brief affair fondly, she told herself. It was only natural to feel... utterly betrayed by how easily he had forgotten all that he had said to her. But maybe those had just been words and he had never thought about it the way she had? Kakashi had always just taken what life had offered him, hadn't he, good or bad. When she had offered, he had taken. That was it. All the rest had happened in her head. Now there was another offer he was more interested in. Naturally. Certain things simply didn't compare.
Sasuke was already waiting for her in front of the large wooden door, looking her way with a scowl.
"Am I late?" she asked, deliberately using the lightest tone she could manage. "I had to talk to a ton of people at the hospital."
"Yes, you're late," Sasuke said darkly, "but it doesn't matter, it's only Kakashi."
He turned around and knocked briefly. The door immediately swung open and Shizune waved them inside.
Straight back, head held high. Sakura had been in here many, many times, it didn't matter at all who sat behind the desk. Enter the Hokage's office, get an order, follow it.
Wrong.
Her legs wanted to buckle as soon as she made a step forward. Was it his scent? His chakra signature? Her body reacted by a yearning that almost made her whimper. I can't do this, Sakura thought, panicking. I'll burst into tears as soon as I look at him. I miss him so damn much. Breathe... breathe...
"Do not call him Hokage yet," Shizune whispered, "he doesn't appreciate it. I'm sure he'll grow into it eventually."
"Hmpf," Sasuke scoffed.
The sun shone in through the large windows, illuminating dust particles dancing merrily in the air. Kakashi, dressed in a simple jonin uniform, sleeves rolled up, the flak jacket draped over the back of his chair, was sorting through a huge pile of paper in front of him, frowning at the individual sheets like they were personally insulting him, putting some to the right and some to the left. Sakura immediately noticed the dark shadows around his eyes. Had he not slept?
"Argh," Kakashi sighed and pushed the pile away as far as he could on the already crowded desk.
"Sasuke and Sakura are here," Shizune said gently. "I'll help you with that afterwards."
Kakashi nodded and let himself fall into the chair behind him, briefly closing his eyes.
"Right," he said.
"Do you want to drink something?" Shizune asked.
Kakashi shook his head.
"But you should," Shizune insisted.
"Okay, then we'll drink something," Kakashi said and opened his eyes. "What would you like?" he asked, without really looking at them.
He wasn't even drinking anything? Quite horrified, Sakura looked at Shizune. Did she even know what she was doing!? He had clearly lost weight too, which wasn't good for someone as lean as him. She would have to tell her to make sure Kakashi didn't just eat food pills all day but got proper meals like a normal human.
"Tea is appropriate at this time of the day," Shizune said, "I have some green tea that's sweetened but cold? It's really nice."
"Fine," Kakashi nodded and lifted his thumb at her in a distracted manner. As soon as she had left to fetch the drinks, he sat up straighter and looked at them properly. "Right. I called a meeting with you because of Sarada."
Of course. Sarada.
"You might be aware that I found and brought back Karin," Kakashi continued when they said nothing. "She's currently in the Anbu hospital because she was considerably hurt but she'll be discharged very soon. I know Sakura is about to leave Konoha but... this matter concerns all three of you in the long term. Or all four, if we consider Sarada."
"I don't want Karin anywhere near me," Sasuke said. "I can take care of the child by myself until Sakura gets back."
"No, you can't!" Sakura blurted out in shock. Was he delirious? He had no clue how to deal with Sarada and she certainly wasn't ready to humor him. Their old apartment had no extra bedroom. The arrangement was Sarada taking her space next to Sakura every evening with a hostility that was remarkable, effectively banishing Sasuke to the couch. Sakura had even caught the child studying the lock and testing the key a few times, as if her virtue needed additional protection.
"Karin has agreed to stay in Konoha permanently and she will want to see her daughter regularly," Kakashi said, a frown forming on his forehead. "It's her right."
"Her right?" Sasuke wrinkled her nose in disgust. "She abandoned her, didn't she?"
"Well...," Kakashi sighed, "yes. But I'm not going to separate a mother from her child, Sasuke. Can you find a solution that works for everyone?"
Sarada will be so happy to see her mother, Sakura thought, swallowing down the lump that was forming in her throat. It's all that matters.
"Where will Karin live?" Sasuke asked.
"My old apartment," Kakashi said after a very brief hesitation.
Did he just remember our night there? Sakura asked herself. But she didn't want to dwell on it. Couldn't. The way he had looked at her that morning... She should have known it would end badly right then and there. She had been delusional, too craved for affection to know reality from imagination.
"I mean, Karin can spend half the week with the kid, I guess? Three days or something?" Sasuke said, looking at Sakura questioningly.
"You don't need my permission," Sakura murmured. "She's not my daughter."
"Okay," Kakashi nodded. "Sounds reasonable. I'll talk to Karin, I'm sure she'll agree. Iruka will resume his private lessons, he is very happy with Sarada's progress."
Sasuke snorted just as Sakura turned to Kakashi, though she didn't manage to look him in the eyes. She thought it safer to focus on a spot above his head.
"You will have to ask Sarada whether she's okay with this arrangement," she said. "I'm not sure she'll be happy with you simply..."
"I know I will have to talk to her," Kakashi interrupted her gruffly. "I happen to know her too."
What was that supposed to mean now? Sakura looked down pressing her lips shut. He was angry with her.
"Is that arrangement acceptable for you too?" Kakashi asked.
"Me?" surprised, Sakura looked up - straight into his eyes. And forgot to breathe.
"Yes, you," he said quietly into the strange silence, holding her gaze with eyes that revealed nothing.
"I'll not meet with Karin at all," Sasuke told her, mistaking her sudden silence for unhappiness, "I will not even speak to her, I promise."
"That's bullshit," Sakura pulled her eyes from Kakashi's with an effort and turned to him. "Of course you need to talk to her - about Sarada at the very least. You'll have to take decisions together, Sasuke."
"No, I'll take all the decisions alone."
Kakashi snorted. "Only entitled brats think the world works like that. You can't. Since you two aren't married, as long as Sarada is a minor, you will have to sign all the official documents together."
"What official documents?" Sasuke bristled.
"Custody papers, applying for citizenship in Konoha, registering her at the academy, ... there's more," Kakashi sighed. "The world of official documents is vast and extremely tedious."
"I don't like that," Sasuke pouted. "Can Sakura and I adopt her?"
Kakashi's eyebrows shot up and Sakura felt like the world had just done a flip on her.
"If Karin agrees, I guess?" Kakashi said evenly. "Which in my opinion is highly unlikely."
"We haven't discussed that, Sasuke!" Sakura hissed at him.
"So what?" Sasuke shot back, "I want it that way."
"Are you still planning to leave?" Kakashi asked her.
"Of course!" Sakura confirmed hastily. "I have to," she added, because he didn't want him to think she was running away from her responsibilities. She really, really liked Sarada, but...
"Then you'll have enough time to sort it out with Karin in Sakura's absence," Kakashi said to Sasuke. "There's forms if you want to file for adoption and a series of interviews and other checks that need to be taken... I'm sure I can find out about the details by the time we might need them."
"Start the process today," Sasuke said haughtily.
"Sasuke!" Sakura complained.
"Please spare me the attitude, Sasuke, and be an adult for once," Kakashi snapped. "Don't make things difficult for Sarada. Or Sakura."
"Look who's talking," Sasuke murmured angrily.
"I will open the seal I put on Sarada's eyes when I go talk to her later today," Kakashi said, ignoring Sasuke's aggressiveness. "I am sorry for overstepping, but it seemed necessary at the time. She's no longer in danger. For now."
"It put her at ease," Sakura said, "it was the right decision. Iruka agrees, it's the reason for her recent progress. She was too afraid of the Sharingan to use chakra properly."
"It's preposterous to seal my clan's eyes!" Sasuke bristled.
"She has great potential," Kakashi said quietly. "I'm very glad you will be the one to teach her."
That shut Sasuke up for good and he only stared at Kakashi, likely unsure whether he was being mocked or whether the man he had recently attacked with Tsukuyomi was really that generous.
"Right," Kakashi said into the silence, looking up at the ceiling. "I guess that's settled then."
Shizune chose this moment to come back with three bottles on a tray, smiling shily. She had obviously waited outside for things to be calm enough before disturbing them.
"Thank you," Kakashi nodded when she put a bottle into his hand and dropped a straw into it. "Is it normal for Hokages to be spoon fed?"
"N... no!" she said horrified, "Kakashi-san, I'm sorry. I would never..."
"It's fine," he quickly said, "don't worry. I'll drink whatever you put into my hand, with or without straw. I appreciate your help, I really do."
Shizune hurried out and Kakashi sighed again. He took a sip from the drink, wrinkled his nose and put the bottle on the desk. Of course, he didn't like sweet things. Shizune didn't know. She probably didn't know a lot of things she should know.
"I have more things to discuss with both of you. Individually."
"We're both staying," Sasuke said quick as a shot. "Together. We have no secrets from each other."
"Fine with me," Kakashi said with a shrug. "Okay. You first, Sasuke. Frankly, I need you to join the Anbu."
"Huh," Sasuke said, sounding more surprised than pissed-off.
"I expect major trouble in the future. There are things afoot..." his voice trailed off. "Anyway, I need to bolster up the Anbu. Your family has traditionally been in charge of the police in Konoha, but I want you in charge of another special unit."
"What special unit?" Sasuke asked cautiously.
"A new one," Kakashi said. "I can't tell you more at the moment."
"Hm," Sasuke said, looking pensive.
"And I want to open up the Uchiha compound," Kakashi continued. "We'll start renovating as soon as I've found an investor."
"What?" Sasuke sounded absolutely shocked.
"We'll need the space eventually," Kakashi said simply. "It's time to help the ghosts of the past find peace. I'm not expecting you to live there if you can't. But I want your permission as the Head of the Uchiha Clan."
"Th... that is..." Sasuke bit his lip, his eyes searching Sakura's as if she had any answers for him.
"It's great, Sasuke," she said though she had none, "haven't you always wanted that?"
"Y... yes, I g... guess?" he said, looking so lost, Sakura made a step in his direction and took his hand.
"It'll be fine," she assured him, pressing it, "no, more than that. It will be great."
"Okay," Sasuke said and blinked. "Okay, yes. You can open the Uchiha compound, Kakashi. And I'll be responsible for that special unit of yours."
"Thank you," Kakashi said simply and turned to her with a grim expression. "Sakura? Congratulations on becoming the Head of Konoha's hospital, Tsunade made an excellent choice. However..."
Yes. You're right, I'm so not suitable, Sakura thought, letting go off Sasuke's hand to ready herself for bad news. You know me too well. I won't even be disappointed, I never deserved that level of trust.
"... I need to ensure the hospital is run in your absence too. Tsunade told me she expects your trip to last four to eight months. Who would you suggest I should appoint as interim Head until you return?"
"You... you are not... you think I can do it?" Sakura blurted out.
Kakashi lifted his eyebrows at her. "You can do what?"
"The... that..."
Kakashi snorted. "Oh, are we back to being insecure and doubting our abilities? What, did you expect me to appoint someone else? No, you're the one who is going to do it and going to do it exceptionally well."
"But I..."
"I'm sorry, Sakura," Kakashi said sharply, "I don't have a lot of time to spare for this. Since Tsunade is going to leave with you in such a short time, I have to get all the necessary instructions from her within a few hours instead of weeks. The list is long."
"Oh," Sakura said, "I'm sorry."
"No time for too many sorries either," Kakashi said coldly. "Who? That Nurun person who saved you from the Mizukage? Is he capable?"
"Yes," Sakura said haltingly, "yes, he's capable, but..."
"But...?"
Impatience didn't suit Kakashi at all, Sakura thought and frowned at him. No need to be take such a tone with her.
"Isn't Nurun Kabuto's man? I spent a bit of time chasing down information before you came back," Sakura told him, "and I tried to get Kabuto to talk. I wanted his help, he must have data from his experiments."
"Hm," Kakashi mirrored her frown.
"He hasn't volunteered a single bit of useful information," Sakura continued. "He's stalling."
"Hmmmm," Kakashi repeated. "Sasuke? Do you still have that message I sent to you? The one that called you back to Konoha not too long ago."
"No," Sasuke answered flatly. "I destroyed it, that's standing operating procedure."
"Yeah," Kakashi mused. "I was hoping... I am suspecting it was Kabuto who called you back but can't prove it. He is fully aware that there is an Uchiha hereditary disease and that was the first time I suffered similar amnesia spells. Oh, be careful when you use the Mangekyo," he added, "I can't be certain about the mechanism, but there is a sort of mind-wipe connected to it."
"Shit," Sasuke said. "How can I fight without the Mangekyo?"
"Practice more Taijutsu," Kakashi shrugged, "ask Naruto, he could use more practice too, he's been neglecting his technique. Just because you guys have abnormal abilities doesn't mean you can slack off. Ah, you know what. I give you four weeks and then you try to beat me in a jutsu-less fight."
"Pfft," Sasuke huffed but he looked determined.
"Not Nurun, then?" Kakashi looked in Sakura's direction again, obviously feeling quite smug about his little trick to get Sasuke to take Taijutsu training seriously. "Who else have we got? One of the resident doctors? Aren't there new ones?"
"Not really..." Sakura ran through the list of doctors in her head. "I mean many are quite promising, but there's..."
She faltered. Well. There was a medical-nin in Konoha who had the skill and most certainly the authority to run a hospital. Just this morning, Sakura had learned that she was the inventor of a genius blood-stilling procedure that had saved so many lives during the war.
"Rin," she said miserably, "you've got Rin."
And with that, she had just managed to fire herself, hadn't she. It wasn't like she believed herself capable to manage an entire hospital but that didn't mean she didn't really, really want that job. Rin and interim? Rin would be permanent within two days at the most. Sorry, Sakura, Kakashi would tell her in a few months, we were rather desperate when Tsunade suggested you as her successor, but luckily, we have found the perfect person in your absence.
"Rin," Kakashi echoed.
"How stupid are you, Sakura?! If that witch runs the hospital I will refuse all treatment in the future," Sasuke declared.
"Watch your tongue!" Kakashi barked at him.
"Watch me," Sasuke shot back. "Your girlfriend cannot simply waltz in here and insult me with no consequence."
"She didn't mean to insult you," Kakashi defended her, but he sounded a little unsure himself.
"Who are these Noharas anyway," Sasuke continued angrily, "why have I never heard of them and now they're supposed to be all that?"
Sometimes, Sasuke's bluntness was exactly what was needed. Sakura caught herself nodding and didn't stop even when Kakashi scowled at her. It was true, who were they and what did they even want?
"If you expect answers from me, you'll be disappointed," Kakashi said simply. "But I'm learning."
He sighed deeply.
"She has no experience with hospitals anyway," Kakashi said, sounding somehow disappointed. "I'll talk to that Nurun guy then. Beggars can't be choosers, I guess."
"I should be able to find someone who can help her with the administrative side of things," Sakura heard herself say, Sasuke was right, she was extremely stupid. "And I could instruct her, I mean... superficially, before I leave, but still..."
"No, it's okay," Kakashi said. "Thank you for the idea, but I don't think she's anywhere near ready for such a responsibility."
He folded his arms and looked up to the ceiling again.
"But... is she... is she going to stay?" Sakura blurted out. That was what everybody wanted to know but nobody dared to ask and frankly, it was the one thing she wanted to hear from him. Girlfriend. He had not corrected Sasuke.
Kakashi sighed again. "Looks like her mother will spare no expense to ensure that."
What... what was that supposed to mean?
"Alright," Kakashi said and turned to his desk and the paper on it, "that is all, I need to move on to the next item on my to do list if I ever want to get out of here again."
All? Sakura felt her lower lip beginning to quiver. All? But...
"Come on," Sasuke said and pulled at her arm, "you heard him."
"Bye," Sakura pressed out and shook off Sasuke's hand. "Bye, I'll... be leaving for... a long time?"
"Yes," Kakashi said, but didn't even look up from the papers. "I know. Good luck with your trip! Konoha is very grateful for your efforts."
She had managed to keep it together quite well, hadn't she? Sakura thought numbly as the door fell shut after them. It wasn't hard for adults. Okay, she desperately needed to go cry somewhere right now, but that would be the end of it, would it. Would it?
"T... toilet," she managed to stammer, freed her arm from Sasuke's grip and ran as fast as she could and as long as she could until she ran out of wind and tears somewhere on a rock high above Konoha.
This fire had burnt more than 30% of her, far more. Most people with such a high degree of burns died. How was it possible to live on? The pain was unbearable.
###
The truth was, not many people died because of a broken heart and she wouldn't either. Wallowing in self-pity wouldn't change anything and of course, life would go on. It always did.
And then the day was here.
It was very early, barely 3am. Tsunade had suggested they catch a ferry at 10am. No need to start their journey off in a rush, was Tsunade's philosophy, better leave with time to spare. Including a good rest somewhere in between, the port was about 6 hours away.
Sakura had left Konoha for missions many times in her life, but she had never left for more than a few days, weeks at the most. Now, there was a cold dread inside of her, a fear that she would mess up royally, that she would return to her hometown with nothing, only a crushed ego. She hadn't told Tsunade about her sentiments, but her mentor seemed to guess what was going on with her anyway.
"This is a journey into the unknown," she had told her when they had gone through their samples once more the night before, "we cannot be certain of success. That's the thrill of our profession."
Thrill? Sakura would have liked less of the gut-wrenching nervousness that had forced her to spend half the night on the toilet.
She had said all her goodbyes the day before. Her parents had made proud faces, but she had seen the moisture in their eyes. She had gone to the academy after leaving the hospital, finding most of her friends there. She had gone to Ino's flower shop too, their little disagreement forgiven and forgotten, well... or postponed. She had held Sarada really close, telling her not to forget her. She had told Sasuke not to get up for her and had kissed him on the cheek. He had held her hand for a very long time, making a face like he wanted to say something but just couldn't.
Well, it was probably for the better.
All day, she had lingered in places, half hoping, half fearing to see a certain silver-haired shinobi recently elected village leader, but he must be busier than he had ever been before. Konoha had grown so much in the last few years, his responsibilities must be daunting.
The one she had seen quite unexpectedly was Kaeru though. He had just come out of the library as she walked past there and because she had never seen him in civilian clothing before, it had taken her a few seconds to recognize him.
"You're still here?" she had beamed at him once she had realized who he was, genuinely glad.
Kaeru had nodded sullenly. "Ichika isn't well enough to travel yet. I went to the library to get her a book, because she is well enough to feel bored," he had explained, holding up the volume in his hand. "The librarian suggested this one."
"I hope she gets better fast," Sakura had said, "but I also hope you will stay. Kakashi needs you."
"He said," Kaeru said curtly and glared at her.
"What's the matter?" she had asked.
"I told you not to hurt him," he had said darkly. "I started to like you but... it's very low of you."
"What?" Sakura had been genuinely shocked, but Kaeru had just pulled another face and walked away.
Unpleasant brat, Sakura thought as she bound her boots a second time, making sure to tie the knots extra well. Ah, but she liked him. She really hoped he'd stay in Konoha and help Kakashi after snapping out of his strange mood.
I wasn't even able to tell Kakashi what happened in Kirigakure, she suddenly thought as she began walking down the stairs. Wasn't that bad? It was unlikely there would be no consequences.
Ah, but he had probably heard from the others. Nurun. Shikamaru. Yeah, he'd know or he would have asked her.
But I don't know what happened to him in his absence, Sakura thought as she left the house. Should I ask Tsunade? Yeah, I'll do that. We'll have plenty of time to chat. I'd like to know. It seems all so strange, this Nohara business.
It was a bit chilly, but Sakura was wearing her long travel cloak and pulled it closer as she walked along the quiet street towards the gate. She remembered to check for her purse - all there - her ID card - there too. Tsunade had said she'd take care of their expenses, which was very kind of her. Sakura's doctor's wages weren't too lavish and she had made sure Karin would have money to spend for herself and Sarada once she was released from the Anbu hospital.
The funny thing was, she wasn't angry with Karin anymore. That realization was strange, but she was no longer angry with Sasuke either. Almost saintly, but true. The discussion in Kakashi's office had made her realize that all that mattered was finding an arrangement that suited everybody and that such an arrangement existed.
Still in thought, she noticed that there were two people standing at the open gate.
Sakura blinked. And then, her heart dropped into her stomach when the starlight made silver hair shine when he briefly turned his head in her direction.
"I'll try not to mess up too badly," she heard him say, "Tsunade-sama. Thank you for everything."
"Oh, you will be fine," Tsunade laughed, "if I can do it, you can do it a thousand times. What's Shinobi rule number twenty? 'A Shinobi must never question their commander', am I right? Just never admit you're wrong."
"Great advice, I'm sure," Kakashi remarked drily.
"Do you need me to stay?"
There was a short pause. "I'd like to say 'yes', but I won't," Kakashi said.
"Alright," Tsunade said, "here is Sakura. And here... here are all the keys."
She dropped a large bunch of keys into his outstretched hand.
"Sorry we can't do this during your ceremony, but I have a feeling this mission of ours is more important than fancy symbolics."
"This cure... it could change everything," Kakashi said.
"It could," Tsunade agreed, "but don't wait for us. It could take a long time. And don't let those Noharas crush you."
"I understand," he said and looked at Sakura.
It was so dark she couldn't see his face. But that wasn't necessary for her to blush deeply.
"I...," she stammered, "I am glad we get to say goodbye after all, I..."
"Yes," he said quietly, "I am glad too."
Silence.
"Oooookay," Tsunade said, "I'll be waiting over there for you, Sakura. Hurry up, we can't miss that ferry, it only runs once a day."
More silence after Tsunade had stepped out of the gate. Oh god, what was she going to say? Not that she hadn't practiced shouting at him in her head a thousand times.
"Please be well," it bubbled out of her nervously. "And congratulations, Rokudaime Hokage. You'll do great."
"I'll miss you so goddamn much," he said almost at the same time, which was so absolutely not what she had expected to hear, she thought she had misunderstood him.
"Excuse me, what?"
"I respect your choices," he said, sounding so sad her heart withered and died on the spot, "I told you I would and I always will. Just know that you're... you're..."
He wasn't going to cry, was he?! Horrified, Sakura made a step towards him. Why was he in such pain?
"The simple truth is, I have no right," he said with a deep sigh, "no right. Goodbye. Take care of yourself."
He lifted his hand to ruffle her hair briefly, then turned around and walked away. Fast and before she could unfreeze.
"Hey... wait!" she shouted once she could move again and ran after him, heavy backpack and all. Was he not going to slow down?
"Hey," she shouted, "Kakashi! Stop."
He did, but didn't turn around until she grabbed his arm and pulled.
"I'm sorry," he said, sounding altogether breathless, "please just leave. I shouldn't have said what I said, but I can't cope..."
Sakura threw her arms around his neck and pulled his face down, pressing her lips to his underneath the mask, hearing him exhale in surprise, then grunt with what was longing, a sound that made her knees go weak. He pulled down his mask and his lips on hers were hot like fire, sending spark after spark into her, bringing alive every fibre in her body.
Don't stop! She wanted to shout because she wanted to feel like this forever and ever, this is the fire we started, let it burn, just let it burn, let it consume both of us, I don't care.
But it had to stop eventually, they needed air - and time was running short.
"I thought I could fool myself," he told her, stroking her back, her hair, "I told myself I could simply collect the pieces of my heart when the time came and glue it back together. But I... okay, I will be able to, I have to be. I will be able to move on eventually, but Sakura... please know... I have never in my life felt this way about anyone."
"I'll be back," she said, stroking his hair in turn, "it won't be too long. I'll be back, don't be so sad."
"Yes," he said, "you'll be back."
He pressed her to himself with a desperation that scared her a little. It scared her because she suddenly began to understand.
"You... you wouldn't fight for me?" she said, the wrong words to express a complicated situation, yet words that summed it up with a cruel simplicity. "You would just... let me go back to him?"
"I am so sorry. I know why I never wanted this responsibility, now more than ever."
"No," she said, "it's not like that. It's not like that all! I don't want..."
"Sakura," he said, sounding so tormented she hugged him more tightly too, "I cannot be selfish. I cannot be the one that breaks apart a family in order to get something he wants. I cannot be the one to come to you, do you understand?"
"No," she said even though she did and hated it.
"I have to let you go," he said.
"Don't forget me," she said, feeling horrified at the thought. She'd be gone for months.
"Never," Kakashi breathed, "know that at least. But in order to take on this role, this promise to the village, I cannot mourn my losses like I want to. I cannot fight for what is not mine to take..."
"Sakura!" Tsunade called out impatiently. "We need to leave!"
Sakura let go of Kakashi.
"Don't wait for me then," she said bitterly. "If it causes you this much pain. Move on."
"I don't want to," he said bluntly.
"I cannot promise you anything," she heard herself say when in truth, she wanted to promise him everything.
"I know. And you don't have to. I am the one with the countless promises."
"What will you promise me, Kakashi?" She sounded spiteful even though her heart reached out to him and his many burdens that she couldn't share.
There was a short silence. Then he spoke softly as he started to step away.
"Whatever happens, Sakura, whatever you choose to do in the future, I promise to support you with all my might."
Is that all? She wanted to shout. You do that for everyone, always, it's who you are!
"And I will never not love you," his voice drifted to her through the dark, "but my love will never be a burden for you."
"Like a Hokage loves his people?" She asked bitterly.
"I guess," was the last thing he said before the night turned utterly cold and lonely around her, "I guess that's what it means to be the Hokage."