Warm. Comfortable. Soft... Smelling like cookies and spices, like hot chocolate on a rainy afternoon. Kakashi observed Sakura's sleeping face on his shoulder and swallowed compulsively.

An affair? Was he crazy!? She used to be his student! And of course she had gotten married to her big crush Sasuke - which had not stopped him? It was inconceivable.

Had he maybe wanted to teach Sasuke a lesson? Which, without a doubt, that boy needed, again and again, until the day he finally turned into a human being.

But no… he would never use such underhanded methods. So… did Sasuke not know about it? Because if he did, why had the Uchiha not tried to kill him? Maybe... it had not been serious? Ah, yes! That had to be it, because casual sex could be overlooked with a bit of generosity. Not that he considered Sasuke to be the type to overlook an affair with his wife... but maybe in a rare moment of magnanimity...

He has just recently started the adoption procedure for Sarada. All we need to process it is Sakura's signature. It must all be good between them.

Despite coming to this very reasonable explanation for why having an affair with Uchiha Sakura had not led to the end of his life at Sasuke's hand, Kakashi didn't feel relieved. A fluttering started in his stomach, mingling unpleasantly with the dull pain from the barely healed wound.

She's… cute, he thought, watching her slightly parted lips, her rosy cheeks, her pretty lashes. The Byakugō no In on her forehead… he stopped his hand from moving there to touch the seal. Creep. But few things fascinated him more than perfect chakra control.

Actually, she is gorgeous.

The fluttering intensified. Why would he have written a warning if it was true what she had claimed and he had broken up with her? It made no sense.

So she saw reason and dumped me? It would explain why I feel… some kind of… regret? And… hurt…? And...

It was a very confusing cocktail of feelings stirring inside of him, he couldn't even name them properly. He got too attached to people once he let them close, it was one of his big weaknesses. But his confusion made no sense. He remembered her as a student and later as kunoichi during the war. Then, things got hazy. No memories equaled no emotions, no?

Or maybe the emotions were so strong they just linger even without the memories? Just like ghosts...

Shit. What the heck had happened between them exactly? Okay, he really, really wanted to read those ten or so pages labeled "Sakura" now, but where was that damn notebook? Had Kaeru not put it back or...

The fluttering in his stomach changed into a stomach ache quite suddenly. What if someone had stolen it? It was written in code, but he was not the only one with a military background in this village. Dammit. If the Noharas got their fingers on it...

Kakashi groaned. This was his reality. Merciless and ice cold and giving him acid reflux.

He looked at Sakura again. It was time, they needed to move. He absolutely didn't want to.

We could just stay here and talk, he thought defiantly. Let Mrs. Nohara send her men to fetch him! How long would it take for them to turn up, he wondered… twenty minutes? Thirty? He had many questions he wanted to ask Sakura about the foreign countries she had seen, how people dressed there, what they looked like - as tall and broad as that Mi… Mi-something guy? - what people ate, what they read. And how had she learned their language this well? It sounded very difficult.

"Oh shit," Sakura mumbled and sat up abruptly. "I fell asleep."

"I'm awake," he said, resisting the urge to pull the coat over them again.

"Are we late?" she asked horrified, not looking at him.

"No," he said. "Just in time."

His inner clock wouldn't let him sleep too long, a curse or a blessing? Actually, his inner clock didn't let him sleep at all many nights.

Sakura moved away from him discreetly. It was too cold all of a sudden and he shivered. Heating a place he never stayed at was a waste but now he wished he had known she would come to visit him.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"Uhm, no need," he answered. Was she talking about falling asleep or something else? It was awkward between them. He didn't want it to be awkward, he wanted her to be comfortable. She had waited for him this morning after all, to… not sure. Clear the air?

"They don't expect me to be punctual," he explained. "I worked hard to uphold my reputation."

"Okay, show me the wound," she said, all business.

He felt very flustered when she bent over his naked torso and traced the scar with her fingers. Was it because of her touch or because her strange clothes were so revealing? She was a very shapely woman, with curves in all the right places. He wasn't blind. He also didn't start affairs with just anyone.

Ooookay, he chided himself, enough. She's my doctor. Doctors touch their patients, all over. It's normal.

"We should bandage this," she said, her eyes fixated on the wound, "just in case."

Kakashi nodded. "I have bandages," he pushed himself up quickly, kinda glad he could get away.

"Move more slowly," she said sternly, "or it could open up again."

Kakashi slowed down obediently as he walked across the living room to the bedroom. He kept loads of bandages there - they were part of the standard jonin uniform which he still chose to wear most days. It was also the only room he ever used in this place. Funny that he had not been able to accept this apartment as his. It was too big for someone like him, too formal, too empty. He'd prefer to sleep at the Anbu headquarters, but Tenzo had made it more than clear that that was an absolute no-go. The Hokage did not mingle with his subordinates because the subordinates would be super uncomfortable about it.

As if he had changed just because he had a new title. They hadn't had difficulties sharing an accommodation before and they had already been his subordinates.

The bandages were located quickly, as was a new shirt. He took a red armband with the letters "六火" from the drawer too, remembering that it mattered to the council that he wore the Hokage's insignia. What to give to Sakura though?

He opened the big wardrobe to look through the clothes in there. A tracksuit? No, those were too light for the cold. What about… his eyes fell on clothes that weren't his, a grey combo made from wool. He had forgotten they were here! Those should work.

He stepped back out into the living room, finding Sakura standing in front of the book shelf, studying the book titles. All tedious stuff, but knowledge necessary to run the village well. Kakashi threw the clothes over the sofa and cleared his throat.

Sakura turned around, their eyes locked, but she immediately looked away. He held out the bandages and she stepped closer. He sucked in breath and held it there… yes, definitely awkward. His heart raced in his throat. Contempt? Why should he feel contempt?

Completely unaffected, she wrapped the bandages around his middle, testing the tightness, then nodded.

"This should hold for a while. No sudden movements and you will be fine. Afterwards, you should…"

She shook her head and didn't finish her sentence.

"I should…?" he prompted her to continue.

"Come to the hospital, obviously," she said, sounding angry. "But I understand that there's secrecy involved and you can't. You'll live, I guess."

"I'll come to the hospital," he heard himself say. Really?

"Don't bother," she murmured under her breath.

Kakashi pulled his new shirt over his head and put the red armband on his left bicep. She was still angry with him but he didn't understand why. Should he just ask…?

"Ah, I brought you some clothes," he said instead and grabbed them from the sofa, holding them towards her. "They might be a little too big, but I think they should fit overall."

Sakura looked at them with a frown.

"They're Rin's," he explained.

She pressed her lips together. "Where can I change?"

"Bathroom?" he suggested, pointing his finger at the door in question.

Sakura stormed across the living room and disappeared, slamming the door so hard, Kakashi flinched. If she had dumped him as he expected then she had to be angry because… it was very puzzling but he suddenly remembered an Icha Icha scenario just like this one! Ex-lovers and lots of embarrassment between them. She probably feared he would talk to others about her and the things they had done! Or worse... Sakura was a very well raised girl, Kakashi knew. He had met her parents once, right before becoming her teacher, very respectable people. He on the other hand wasn't well raised, at least not after a certain age. Neither the orphanage nor the military were places where boys learnt bedroom manners. Was it possible he had suggested things that she… hmmm...

You will not think of sex with her, he told himself horrified, are you crazy? This thing is in the past, isn't that obvious?

Quickly, he made his way into the kitchen. She would be hungry, no? He opened his fridge. He even put his head inside but it didn't change the fact that it was… empty.

She cannot eat food pills, he thought, those are not good for young women.

Kakashi heard the door and stepped out into the living room again. The clothes fit her alright, they were only a little too big in some places and a little too tight in others. He blushed when he caught himself staring at her bust.

"You must be hungry?" he said to get over his mounting confusion. "I will buy you something along the way, there's nothing in my kitchen."

"Don't bother," she said again, still sounding very angry. He noticed her wet hair.

"It's freezing outside," he said, "you cannot go out with wet hair, do you want a blow dryer?"

He walked past her into the bathroom and opened all the cabinet doors and drawers until he found one.

"Here!" he said proudly. At least one item he wanted was here.

She frowned at it. "We don't have time."

"Sure we do," he said and plugged it in. It even worked! He held it towards her and she snatched it out of his hands, dropping the bundle of clothes she had held to the floor. He collected them and put them into his wash basket, stealing a glance at her in the mirror.

Sakura was concentrating very hard on her hair, ripping at it with such force he was beginning to fear she would pull it all out. Oh. A comb! That he knew he had. He handed it to her too, then realized it was very weird to stand behind a woman in a bathroom watching her blow dry her hair. Blushing again, he walked out.

Things certainly wouldn't be this awkward anymore once they were at the council meeting, right? It would go away. Right?

###

It all went splendidly well until Mrs. Nohara asked coldly two minutes before the end of the meeting: "And what happened last night?"

Sakura had talked and talked and talked about manufacturing the cure, recounting details of everything she had thought about and done in those foreign lands, interrupted by the council members to provide jargon-free clarifications. Kakashi found himself falling asleep one minute then watching her lips with fascination the next.

"Er…," Kakashi said. That was the problem with getting this distracted. He hadn't even seen this hook coming. "Last night… er...?"

"You deployed troops," Mrs. Nohara said. "Your men brought back corpses."

"Yes," he said. "Because…"

He was too tired. He drew a blank, realizing that any lie was dangerous and the truth was even worse. Keeping secrets from someone who had spies everywhere was very hard, necessitating a huge effort by everyone he trusted all the time. He was about to blow it.

"Oh," Sakura said and aggressively flicked her hair back. "I can answer that. It was because of me and my colleague. We came back last night and got into a bit of trouble."

"You?" Mrs. Nohara glared at her. Sakura had told her not to interrupt her anymore earlier. Since she was the specialist and Mrs. Nohara wasn't. Courageous too, not only gorgeous.

"Yes. Those were bandits."

"Bandits? This close to Konoha? How is that possible?"

"I'm looking into it," Kakashi said. Saved.

"Did you see my daughter last night?"

Not saved. Hell, this woman never stopped until she saw blood, didn't she.

"Uhm… maybe?" Kakashi murmured. If Mrs. Nohara got wind of Rin's trip outside the village walls, Rin's life would turn very miserable again.

"I know you two are old enough, but we're a very traditional family. We do not appreciate this kind of lewd behavior."

"Ah, but that's not…"

"Do the right thing," she said sharply and got up. "It's about time."

"Yes, I understand," he said, though… really? 'The right thing'? Those rumors about him and Rin were ridiculous but now Mrs. Nohara thought it necessary to say something like this?

Sakura was glaring at him from across the room when he finally got up. He tried to hide his considerable pain from her because… well, she would only get angrier. And he almost regretted not lying in a bed at the hospital.

"Thank you," he told her, "you are an important pillar of Konoha's prosperity indeed."

He wanted to help her into the coat he had lent her, but she ripped it from his hands and stomped outside. Quickly, he shrugged into his own and followed.

It was still snowing heavily. She walked briskly but there was ice underneath the fresh snow, slowing her down. He followed her with little difficulty, his winter boots had spikes. Not five blocks down the road, she turned around.

"What are you doing?" she confronted him.

"Coming to the hospital?" he said.

"I said don't bother!" she said.

"It really hurts," he sighed. "Getting shot is different than getting hurt by jutsu. I need medical attention."

"Hmpf," she uttered but slowed down a little to walk two steps in front of him.

I need to ask her about us, Kakashi thought bravely. It's Kaeru's day off, the earliest I can ask him about my journal is tomorrow.

"So," he cleared his throat, "that affair we had…"

"Shhhh," she hissed angrily, "I don't want half the town to know."

Kakashi turned his head. Nobody else was near. In fact, the street was deserted.

"So you're saying people didn't know?" he asked. "Because I was going to ask others about us if you won't answer me."

"You…," she turned around with angrily flashing eyes, "what do you even want? I told you what happened, didn't I? I made a mistake this morning. And now I want you to leave me alone. For good."

"Okay," he said simply. He would respect that.

"Are you hungry?" he asked the next second though because they were getting close to a certain Ramen place all of them had sometimes gone to.

"No," she replied gruffly.

It had to be a lie. She had waited for him all morning and now it was almost 3 pm. Even he was hungry and he hardly ever was.

"I'll buy you Ramen," he offered. Did he even have money on him?

"I'll pay for them myself," she retorted.

He shrugged and hid his smile. They would eat Ramen together. It was enough.

Teuchi clapped his hand when they stepped inside, stomping the snow from their boots and brushing snow off their capes.

"I don't believe this! Rokudaime Hokage! You haven't been here since taking office! We missed you! And Sakura-chan! When did you get back?"

"Only yesterday," Sakura said and smiled a little. She didn't sit next to him but left one stool empty in between.

"This weather is bad for business," Teuchi told them, putting two steaming bowls in front of them. "Tell me when it gets too cold? I have a heating element installed up there!"

Kakashi lifted his head to look.

"Is that fireproof?" he asked.

"Oh," Teuchi coughed, "yes, I think so. Do I need a license for it?"

"No," Kakashi replied, "but I'd hate for this place to burn down."

He hadn't had a hot meal in … forever, he realized as he began to slurp the noodles, digging in with mounting hunger. It was … he threw a furtive glance at Sakura and smiled a little at her appetite.

Being here eating Ramen with her was close to perfect.

Then he suddenly understood and it robbed him of breath for several moments.

He felt tenderness towards her. Also… regret. Loads of it. The warmth and comfort he had felt at death's door, that had been Sakura. It had reached his very core. Casual? Casual didn't feel like this.

What are you doing here if you're in love with her? Run. Run, you fool!

But he couldn't.

He didn't need memories to know that she had shaken the foundations of his world. He could run as fast as the wind, there was no escape from something like this.

###

She had missed this so much. So, so, much! There was nothing better in the whole wide world than Ramen at Ichiraku. She was home. Finally home! She hadn't even realized how big the ache from homesickness had been.

"Do you want more?" Kakashi asked her.

"No," she replied, looking into her empty bowl. She had noticed how fast Kakashi had eaten, like a starved orphan. Why had nobody made sure he ate food like a normal human being? His body was all muscle without one ounce of fat. What if he got sick? He had no reserves.

"You won't believe what happened the other day!" Teuchi chuckled, putting two cups of steaming matcha tea in front of them. "Naruto tried to propose to Hinata!"

"Oh my god!" Sakura exclaimed. It was really true, Naruto was becoming an adult?

"Yeah," Teuchi grinned, "he asked me to put a ring into Hinata's bowl, which I did, though with some reservations. And… well, she almost choked."

"No!" Sakura put her hand over her mouth in shock. "What an idiot! Only he could come up with such a stupid idea!"

"It was me," Kakashi said sadly. "I'm sorry."

Huh?! Sakura stared at him, briefly forgetting that she didn't want anything to do with him anymore. Kakashi looked crestfallen.

Did she have to apologize for indirectly calling the Hokage an idiot? That he even helped Naruto with his personal life… he certainly had a full pensum. Humoring the Noharas all day must be extremely tiring. She knew him well enough to recognize that he was putting on an act for them. That, too, for someone as unpretentious and matter-of-fact as him, had to be extremely tiring.

"Oh, Hinata took it with humor," Teuchi laughed. "She accepted! They're getting married."

"Such great news!" Sakura said, still looking at Kakashi who hadn't lifted his eyes from his tea.

His empty, cold apartment. An empty fridge. A bathroom nobody ever used.

No, I won't feel sorry for him, she told herself, hardening her treacherous heart. He made his bed, now he must sleep in it, however uncomfortable it is.

Teuchi asked her questions about her journey and she answered them, a bit absent-minded. There was an ache in her lower back and her breasts felt tender in their half-squashed state.

Because of Rin's clothes.

She wanted to get out of them as quickly as possible. She hated them all the more for how warm and comfortable they were, for being tailor made for someone taller and more graceful than her, for obviously being expensive down to the threads that had been used to sew them.

"I need to leave," Kakashi said, "I need to be back at the office soon."

Changing his mind again? Yeah, that was just like him. Warm, then cold. Pulling her close, pushing her away. Had she ever been treated worse by someone she cared for? Forgetting about her and then happily purging her from his memory entirely! She had not thought it possible but he was even worse than Sasuke. At least, her husband had always consistently been cold since he obviously didn't know any better.

He was still following her to the hospital though after Teuchi had told them their soups were on the house. The aches in her body intensified. PMS? Great. As if she needed an extra emotional challenge at the moment.

"I was thinking, Mi… Mitcha…" he began after they had walked for a time in silence.

"Michael," Sakura helped.

Kakashi tried to create that throaty sound in the middle until she shook her head in irritation and he stopped.

"Mi-tcha-el needs to live somewhere," he said. "I want to offer him one of the guest apartments at the Hokage Tower."

She turned her head to stare at him. That was very generous. But of course, he had probably realized how important Michael was for them.

"Not a good idea?" he frowned.

"Yes, it's a good idea."

He nodded and looked content.

"Do you think he wants to learn our language?" he continued.

"I could imagine he would. He's highly intelligent."

"Do all people there look like him?"

"No, of course not," Sakura said, "just like we don't all look alike."

"What kind of food do they eat?"

"Lots of different… well, just stuff."

She had brought a book with recipes with her but doubted she'd ever have time to try making any even if she should find all the ingredients. She planned to busy herself at the hospital from now on. Like an insane person.

"Was it difficult?" he asked.

What?

"Difficult… to be this far away," he added.

Hell yes. Because I missed you. I missed you so much I thought I had to return immediately.

"Not particularly," she lied, swallowing hard.

"Do you want to go to the Academy to say hi to Sarada?" he asked. "She'll be so surprised to see you!"

Enough. Her heart couldn't take more of this. Why was he being so nice now when he had been such an asshole earlier? Just to stab her in the heart again?

"No," she said more sharply, "no, I don't want to waste more of your valuable time."

"I see," he said. "You're right. You already said you want to be left alone."

They walked the rest of the way in silence.

As soon as they entered the hospital, a flock of agitated nurses came running their way.

"Sakura Sensei! Sakura Sensei!" they all shouted, "where have you been!"

"Did something happen?" Adrenaline shot through her.

"Yes! Ino Yamanaka…"

"Where is she?" she shed the winter coat where she stood and started running. The baby! The baby was coming!

"No, Sakura Sensei!" the head nurse took her by the arm timidly, "it's all well now."

"What do you mean?" Sakura asked. Complications? Oh no!

"The baby is here! But it was necessary to do an emergency cesarean."

"An emergency… who… who knows how to do that procedure apart from me?"

"Rin Nohara," the nurse said, "but it was the first time she did it. We think… she's in shock, she's been crying in the toilet for over an hour and won't come out."

Everything… everything taken away from her by that woman. Ino's baby… her job. Her job to help her friend deliver her child! In a daze, Sakura washed her hands, then looked up the list of doctors working at the hospital. There she was: Rin Nohara. Attending doctor. No question who had gotten her this job. Sakura also read the report of the procedure. A very close call... Rin had done very well.

Ino was awake when Sakura peeked into her room. Upon seeing her, Ino began to cry hysterically.

"Shhhh," Sakura said and sat on the bed to stroke her hair, "all is well, Ino. I'm here."

"I was so scared," Ino sobbed, "I thought… I thought she would die…"

Her baby daughter was a tiny bundle with black hair, tightly shut eyes and balled fists, sleeping on her mother's chest. Where was Sai? Had someone been able to reach him?

"Look at her," Sakura said full of wonderment, "so beautiful."

"Oh, Sakura," Ino sniffed, "I'm so happy and so scared. She's so small."

"She'll grow fast," Sakura said. "Your milk will come in in a few days. The nurses will show you how to breastfeed."

"Sakura, are you back?" Ino asked and grabbed her hand, "are you really back?"

"Yes," Sakura answered, "of course."

Ino pressed her hand and smiled at her child with such an expression of love that it drove tears into Sakura's eyes.

"I heard that it was Rin Nohara who…"

"I can't imagine what would have happened without her," Ino whispered, her voice breaking again. "Oh… I need to thank her. Could you look for her?"

Sakura nodded. It was her job, probably, to talk to staff in difficulty. What had the nurses said? That she was crying in the toilet? How very professional, she snorted angrily, what was she, twelve?

She found the toilet after searching for a bit. Somebody else was already there and Sakura stopped abruptly at the door.

"Come on, Rin. Enough now. All went well as far as I understand? Why do you keep agonizing over everything that could have gone wrong?"

Kakashi's voice was calm and soothing.

"I could have killed her," Sakura heard Rin's tearful voice from inside a cabin, "I had no clue what I was doing, I… I'm not cut out for this job, I shouldn't even be here."

"That's not true," Kakashi said. "You are an excellent medical-nin."

"Yeah, that's why I could save Obito," she laughed bitterly.

"No, you couldn't save Obito," Kakashi said, his voice changing subtly, "it was impossible at the time. Feeling guilty about it won't change anything."

"I wish I had died too," she sobbed.

Sakura should have walked out, she knew that. She had no right to eavesdrop on such an intimate conversation. But she couldn't.

"Do you know that killing you almost destroyed me?" Kakashi said. "Do you know what it means to me that you're alive?"

"You're just being nice to me," Rin cried, "everybody else hates me. Do you know how they look at me? Like I'm a monster!"

"I'll protect you," Kakashi said. "I told you. Nobody will hurt you again, Rin."

Sakura made a step forward. Kakashi was sitting on the floor, clearly at his wit's end. He looked up when he heard her steps and sighed deeply.

"Sakura is here," he told Rin.

"She must have come to kick me out," Rin sobbed. "I deserve it."

"No," Sakura said. "I have come to tell you that I know how you feel. You know how many times I've cried on the toilet after a difficult procedure?"

Kakashi got up and leaned against the wall. He looked absolutely exhausted.

"Is that true?" Rin asked.

"Yes," Sakura nodded. "I also spent nights on the toilet with nervous bowels before procedures that I had to do for the first time. Rin, you did very well, I read the transcript. You saved my best friend's child. Thank you. And Ino is asking for you. She wants to thank you too."

"Really?" Rin blew her nose. "And the child is well?"

"Yes," Sakura nodded, "a beautiful daughter."

After a moment of silence, Rin opened the toilet door. Her eyes were red and swollen and her lips were quivering. Upon seeing Kakashi, she stumbled forward and threw her arms around his neck, sobbing anew, her face buried into his shirt.

I can handle it, Sakura told herself, I can handle it. She is even beautiful when she's been crying her eyes out. But I don't care.

"Enough now, Rin," Kakashi said tiredly and pushed Rin away from him. "Pull yourself together."

"I'm sorry," Rin said, "I'm very sorry. Why am I this weak?"

"We're as weak as we let ourselves be," Sakura said. "Come see me in my office after going to Ino, Rin. I have something that will help you with your fears."

"Thank you," Rin said earnestly. "Thank you. I am very happy Konoha's hospital has such a capable leader."

A capable leader who would like to do nothing more than cry her eyes out on the toilet, yeah. But she would not let them see her weakness. With a scant nod in their direction, Sakura turned around and staggered out.