Several hours sped by in the blink of an eye. Everything about the hospital felt familiar but at the same time, it was slowly dawning on Sakura just how daunting her new responsibilities were. Nurun seemed overly glad to pass everything on to her as quickly as possible, all the while grinning like a bunny-faced lunatic. Her office looked like a storage room for documents with unoderdly piles everywhere. There were several moments during which she had difficulties breathing because she felt so overwhelmed, but Micha was there to help her… well, he couldn't read any of the files and thus had no idea how to sort them, but he talked about the cure and how to test it non-stop and it distracted her sufficiently so she could temporarily forget the panic that had settled in her stomach.

When Ichika poked her head in after a polite knock, it was him that was distracted though.

"It's the beauty," he whispered awestruck, "Sakura, tell her to stay."

"Do you need any help, Sakura Sensei?" Ichika asked, throwing one shy smile in the direction of Micha who just stared at her, frozen on the spot.

"I do, Ichika," Sakura sighed, "I'm trying to order these documents by topics? Here, I put 'patients'. Here, I put 'medical correspondence'. Here… 'logistics'. Though I will need subcategories for that one… and I need a pile for 'personnel'... urgh."

"I can help with that!" Ichika beamed. "You should rest a bit, Sensei, you've only just come back. Sit down and drink tea, I brought you some."

Ichika shouldered the door aside and Micha sprang into action, taking the tea tray from her hands, dumping it on Sakura's desk, then picking up scattered documents from the floor at high speed.

"What is he doing, Sensei?" Ichika asked.

"Helping?" Sakura sighed. "Micha," she addressed him, "don't spook her."

"Oh no, no, no," he said large-eyed, "I'm just making sure she can walk without difficulty. What is her name?"

"He is asking for your name," Sakura translated, "can I tell him?"

"Yes," Ichika said, blushing.

Sakura shook her head at Micha who repeated Ichika's name eagerly until he was satisfied he was pronouncing it the right way. The poor woman was so embarrassed, she hid her face behind her hands.

"Is she married?" Micha asked next.

"Micha…," Sakura sighed, "I hate to dampen your enthusiasm, but she had a rather bad experience with a man not too long ago, so…"

"Oh no, what happened?" Micha exclaimed and made a step towards Ichika with a facial expression as if he wanted to pick her up and cradle her in his strong arms, to make all her pain and suffering go away.

"I cannot tell you without her permission and you're far from knowing her well enough to ask."

"I will be patient," Micha said earnestly and pointed to himself. "Ich bin Mi-cha-el," he told Ichika.

"Mi-cha-el," Ichika repeated and giggled nervously, looking to Sakura like she expected a reaction.

"Kakashi's male assistant is her brother," Sakura added, "he is very protective." Understatement of the year.

"Okay, okay, I get what you're saying," Micha grumbled. "But can I at least look at her?"

"Yes, if you don't stare with your mouth open?" Sakura chuckled. "I'm sure that's rude in your country too!"

For a while the three of them sorted papers without speaking much but judging by Micha's reddened cheeks and Ichika's flustered giggles, something was in the making between them that Sakura knew was impossible to stop yet would cause all sorts of trouble.

"I'm in love," Micha declared breathlessly after Ichika had had to leave, "I want to marry her."

"Micha!" Sakura laughed, "are you telling me people in your country get married after looking at someone for a little more than an hour?"

"No, but I don't care!" he gushed, rubbing his heated cheeks and ruffling his sandy-blond hair. "I've never met anyone like her, one look is enough. She's the one!"

"Calm down," Sakura said and patted his shoulder, "I told you she's not ready for a relationship."

"Can I give her a present though?" Micha asked her excitedly, "what do men give women in your country?"

The only thing she had ever gotten from her own husband was a cushion for their third anniversary - but only because she had ordered it.

"I… don't know," Sakura shrugged. "I don't know what she likes. I hardly know her, she hasn't been here for long."

"What kind of family is she from?"

"She only has her brother," Sakura said. "They're orphans and went through a lot... Micha, I told you about our circumstances before, remember? Only the very young children here don't know from first hand experience what war is. The last big one is only eight years back and soldiers like Kakashi have lived through two major wars even. The scars they have..."

"Are you trying to warn me - a spoilt man-child who doesn't understand a thing about your culture or circumstances - not to assume I can take care of a fragile person?"

"Hm, well…"

"I may come from a sheltered family," Micha said resolutely, "but I've worked as an emergency doctor for enough years to know a thing or two about human pain and suffering. I won't embarrass you, don't fret."

"I didn't mean…"

"I've known you for a while, Sakura," Micha interrupted her. "You always talk about your hometown like you feel guilty about leaving before fixing everyone and everything all by yourself. But nobody expects that of you. Some things fix themselves, others will never be okay again, however hard you work. But there are the things that we can make right. Often, they require a lot of work. Or patience. Or sacrifices. But they are so important that it's worth it, however long it takes."

Sakura stared at her friend. She had never experienced him this worked up. "I didn't mean to belittle your feelings," she said meekly. "I just thought… I don't want you to be hurt."

"That's nice of you," Micha said curtly, "but you can let me burn my own fingers, I'm old enough. And I said I can wait. But you!"

"Me…?"

"Yes, you. If you want to fix anything, concentrate on your own mess."

A while before year's end, she had cried in front of him. Right before the tears had started to flow, she had ripped another letter she had drafted to Kakashi into tiny morsels because all words failed her, she was never able to find the right ones, every time she tried. Since then, Micha knew everything… a husband she was no longer in love with who had a child she was extremely fond of, an ex-teacher, now Hokage fourteen years her senior she had fallen for. How could he think it was easy? Like she could just make a decision and then bam-bam-bam all things would miraculously fix themselves?

"He chose not to remember," Sakura blurted out. "He used the Sharingan and it wiped out his memories once more and when he had a choice, he didn't want to remember what happened between us. We'll leave it at that. It's better that way now that Rin is back and by his side."

She wouldn't tell Micha about the notebook. He would judge her very harshly and rightfully so, taking it was probably the stupidest thing she had ever done. Right after getting back to the hospital this morning, Sakura had put it into her bottom drawer, behind the hanging files, nobody would ever look there by accident. And now it sat there and weighed heavily on her conscience.

"That's bullshit," Micha shook his head vehemently. "He remembers you very well. When you're in the room, his whole body is attuned to you. So much tension."

Huh? No, that wasn't true.

"Whatever," Micha shook his head again as he saw her puzzled, doubtful face, "believe what you want to believe and do what you think you need to do."

Be a noble idiot? It was a horrible place to be in. Being an adult was hard.

"Isn't it time to see your parents now?"

An abrupt change of topics, but a welcome one! They had left her a note the night before, a nurse had delivered it to her earlier this morning, asking her to come to dinner. Seeing her parents was exactly what she needed now. Her mother would surely cook one of her favorite dishes, her dad would be impressed with everything she said and if necessary, she could go to her room and cry her eyes out.

The room wouldn't judge her for shedding tears because of someone who wasn't Uchiha Sasuke for a change, would it?

###

It was late afternoon when Sakura left the hospital, She had looked in on the Mizukage - still out cold but thankfully stable, what had Kakashi decided to do with her? She would have to ask him - and Ino, who was happy but very tired. Sai had finally come off duty and was busy processing emotions he had never experienced before. The sun was setting already, the shortest day only a few days past. The weather had finally cleared, the air was biting cold and dry, and the scattered clouds in the sky glowed bright pink for a fleeting moment before darkness descended.

Sakura-hair-puffs, Naruto had once called clouds of a similar color. Had it not been during their very first mission outside the village? The tragedy of Zabuza and Haku. Realizing how weak she was. And seeing what Kakashi was truly capable of for the first time. She had felt so embarrassed afterwards for thinking their Sensei was a lazy bum.

Sakura pulled her wool hat more firmly over her ears when a shiver shook her. What was it like for him, having his memories erased several times? Wasn't a person the sum of his memories? It had to be very frightening.

Stomping her feet so that the snow couldn't stick to the soles of her boots, Sakura decided to make a small detour via the Academy. She had had an idea - which eventually, she would have to discuss with the Hokage - but first she wanted to hear Anko's opinion about it. So far, none of the tests or exams at the Academy involved screening children for latent medical skills. Sakura was convinced that with a better procedure, they would be able to spot young talents early, educate them in a targeted fashion, and thus alleviate her staff problem in the future.

"I heard you are back!" Anko greeted her warmly in the principal's office, "did you have much fun on your secret mission?"

"I wish," Sakura shook her head, "it was nerve wracking and very tiring."

Anko, who was wearing a fluffy looking, ankle length cardigan, served her a sugary drink with an adventurous green color and listened with her head cocked to one side while Sakura told her about her idea.

"Ha!" Anko exclaimed. "More tests? Sakura, dear, do you know what happened at the last Chunin exam?"

"No, I don't," Sakura said.

"Our Rokudaime Hokage did not pass a single student. Not. A. Single. One."

"Oh shit," Sakura exclaimed. "Why?"

"Why?" Anko laughed. "You know him from first-hand experience, no? Not up to his standards. Too timid, too weak, too afraid… he called them 'talentless brats', well, not to their faces. Why do you think he has Sasuke command the Nohara guards like they're Konoha jonin?"

The Nohara guards?!

"He has to make the impossible possible," Anko explained, "and defend the village with only a handful of jonin. Our income through missions has dwindled to almost zero. Well, it's a particularly harsh winter now, but unless the Hokage goes on missions himself… which he really shouldn't, there's no way we can meet the demand."

"I didn't know that…," Sakura sighed.

"The Rokudaime has plans for your hospital though, that much I know," Anko sipped from her bottle.

"Plans… what kind of plans?"

"He can tell you himself," Anko shrugged. "But he thinks we should charge more for services and expand the hospital so that this can become an alternative source of income for Konoha. He told me that himself, it's not one of the rumors."

"What… rumors?"

"I guess you haven't been back long enough to hear them yet," Anko smiled. "Well, how he sold out Konoha to the Noharas, blabla, doing special services for them so that they continue to pay for supplies, that kind of stuff."

She shrugged.

"It's all bullshit of course. Kakashi would never gamble with Konoha's wellbeing, he'd rather die. He's always been a clever strategist and keeping very quiet about it. Keeping secrets is easier if you're working without a break and don't let anyone too close."

Then what about Rin? Sakura wanted to ask but clamped her mouth shut before she could make a fool of herself.

"How is Sarada doing?" Sakura asked instead. She hoped to see the girl when she finished classes in half an hour.

"There is one who will certainly pass the Chunin exams!" Anko beamed, "I guess it's the Uchiha genes? Once Iruka managed to make her fears go away she became the best student easily."

And I guess the Uzumaki genes also help, Sakura thought when she stood outside the classroom not much later. Her heart was beating fast in anticipation. She just wanted to say hi to Sarada today and assure her she would spend more time with her once she had settled back in, but she really couldn't wait to see her.

As soon as the bell sounded, the door was pushed open and children started to spill out. Some noticed her and threw her curious looks, most didn't pay any attention at all though, clearly hellbent on leaving this place as fast as possible.

"Sarada!" Sakura called out when she spotted a familiar black head.

Sarada, who was one of the last to come out, looked up and her eyes grew round behind her glasses.

"Auntie Sakura? Auntie Sakura, you're back!"

Sakura threw her arms around the girl, pressing her firmly to her chest. "I've missed you heaps, Sarada," she said, feeling tears well up, "look at how much you've grown!"

"Father told me you're back," Sarada murmured against her chest, "we waited for you to come home last night. I stayed up way past my bedtime."

Home?

"But I don't live there anymore, Sarada," Sakura said, blinking away tears as she looked at Sarada's stern face. "I'm staying at the hospital."

"With Uncle Kakashi?" Sarada asked hopeful.

I wish.

"No," Sakura said, ruffling Sarada's hair, "alone."

Sarada looked up at her with a pout. "I want to live at the hospital too."

Oh, sweetie.

"You have your mommy, don't you?"

Sarada's pout deepened. "I guess. But she doesn't want me."

"I'm sure that's not true!" Sakura said, feeling how her heart sank.

"She's living with that man."

"What man?"

Sarada pushed her front teeth out and wrinkled her nose theatrically. A… bunny? Bunny-face?!

"Nurun? The doctor from Kirigakure?!"

Sarada nodded, a disgusted look on her face. Well, that was unexpected… Nurun and Karin? Maybe it was true, there was someone for everyone in the world…

Iruka stepped out of the classroom behind them, a bundle of books under his arm.

"Sakura!" he exclaimed. "You're back!"

"Iruka Sensei!" Sakura smiled, "how are you doing?"

"Trying, trying," Iruka sighed. He looked stressed. Sakura noticed deeper wrinkles around his mouth and his hair had a greyish hue. "Three months to the next Chunin exams. Much to do."

"Uncle Kakashi told us to practice more," Sarada said gravely. "He was angry."

"Yes," Iruka sighed heavily. "The Rokudaime has high standards."

"I'm sure you're doing your best," Sakura smiled at Iruka who looked like he wanted to crumble and cry at the thought of Kakashi's standards. "Can I have a word with you?"

"Of course," Iruka nodded with a side-glance at Sarada. "Sarada, why don't you put my books into the teachers' room for me?"

Sarada took them off him and scurried away eagerly, carrying them like they were something ultra precious. Sakura turned to Iruka when the girl had disappeared around the corner.

"It's none of my business, but is Sarada not staying with her mother half the week?"

"Yes, she is," Iruka said. "theoretically. But… it happens that she forgets. Sarada has stayed with me a few times when that happened… it's no big deal, but..."

Goddamn Karin. Sakura felt anger surge inside of her.

"Does Kakashi know?"

Iruka shook his head. "No. We try not to burden the Rokudaime with even more issues."

"This is not a minor issue, Iruka!" Sakura felt very upset. "He needs to know! And I'm certain he would want to know too!"

"Karin is… she is very unstable. That doctor is helping her with treatment. It has helped a little."

"I'll take care of it," Sakura said angrily.

"We hoped that you would help, yes," Iruka nodded, sounding relieved. "Sasuke too. It's not been easy for him to accommodate a child all by himself. He has to go on missions a lot."

"Can I get a piece of paper from you?" Sakura asked.

She needed to make a list. So many issues to discuss with Kakashi. It looked like she might have to get used to 7am meetings with him.

###

"Isn't this a little too much, mother?" Sakura asked as she bent over the multitude of dishes her mother had prepared and arranged prettily on the kitchen table. She stole a piece of Gyukatsu, dunked it in sauce and fished a few Natto out of their bowl with her other hand. Delicious!

"Sakura! Don't use your fingers!" her mother chided her and swatted at her hand with a pot holder.

She had even made Takowasa!

"I'm barely fitting in my old clothes as it is," Sakura murmured, tugging on her red qipao dress that was super tight around her chest and hips.

After turning up at her parents in Kakashi's grey, oversized tracksuit, which had caused raised eyebrows though they did not even know whose sweatpants she was wearing, Sakura had changed into clothes she had kept in her wardrobe. She had even found an old headband! And a set of colorful hair ribbons. After trying out a few in front of the mirror, Sakura had had to laugh. To think how insecure she had been about her forehead as a child!

"No, it's not too much," her mother said, busying herself with three pots of soup simultaneously. "We don't have such a guest often."

"Awww," Sakura smiled. "That's very nice of you, mother. I promise to come by more often."

"Hm?" her mother said, carefully slipping Udon noodles into one of the pots, "that would be nice, yes. But I'm sure you'll be very, very busy at the hospital."

"Sakuraaa!" her father shouted from the living room, "come help me with the table."

"Okay, daddy!" Sakura shouted back and joined her father in the other room. He was on his knees, his head buried inside the sideboard. There was some ugly noise and then he unearthed their nicest plates and bowls from their holy resting place.

"You're overdoing it," Sakura frowned.

"Excuse me?" her father's reddened head appeared.

"You don't need to go to this length," Sakura told him. "Didn't you tell me you save those for the really important feasts?"

"Ah, but it is really important," her father said and got up with a groan, dusting off his knees. She noticed he had changed into his extra nice traditional clothes.

Okay. Something was strange…

"You're not doing all of this for me, are you," Sakura remarked, narrowing her eyes.

"Of course not," her father chuckled, "that would be overdoing it. We love you more than anything in the world, of course, but… no."

"Have you invited someone else?"

"Yes, didn't you know?"

Her father arranged the plates and bowls on the table, where her mother had already laid out the expensive bamboo placemats and the chopsticks passed down through generations of Harunos. There was a white orchid in the middle. Her mother's favorite plant that she kept at her bedside and treated like an invaluable treasure.

"No, you didn't mention anything on your note."

"We didn't?" her father tilted his head to look at the arrangement.

It wasn't possible. But there really was only one explanation…

"Don't tell me it's…"

"The Hokage!" her father beamed, "we were surprised that he accepted our invitation, we know how busy he is. But when we saw him at the hospital we said we wanted to thank him for appointing you as the Head of Konoha's hospital and he said yes, he'd be honored to come to dinner!"

Sakura groaned.

She wasn't wearing any makeup. She was wearing clothes that had fit her as a teenager and were much too tight now. She wasn't ready. Maybe he would come too late and she could just leave?

But no.

New Kakashi wasn't late. He rang the bell at exactly 7pm, looking so handsome Sakura forgot to breathe for at least a full minute..

###

Her father's heart-shaped eyes were soon as large as her mother's and both pairs grew bigger by the minute. Who could blame them? Kakashi was polite, humble, grateful and ate like he had never in his life had anything more delicious.

And at the end of the meal, which came much too quickly, he insisted stubbornly he would do the dishes.

Ears growing hot, Sakura heard her parents start to gush excitedly about their village leader's looks and manners in the dining room as she joined Kakashi at the sink with a fresh kitchen towel.

"Your parents are the most charming people," Kakashi said happily as he put some soap into the hot water and watched the bubbles form.

And then, he took off his gloves, one finger after the other and put them in the back pocket of his really well cut trousers. I'm doomed, Sakura thought, watching how he rolled up his sleeves, revealing his perfect arms. I wish I were a plate. I wish he would rub soap on me like this.

"I'm also glad you're not longer angry with me," he added.

"Ah," she stammered, extremely distracted by his long fingers and how they moved the sponge across the porcelain, "well, you ate a proper meal, like I said you should."

"Delicious," he smacked his lips underneath his mask. "But why didn't Sasuke come?"

Sasuke…?

... oh shit. They completely forgot to invite him! Sakura thought, because whenever they wanted to, he was never here.

"He is… very… busy," Sakura lied.

She suddenly realized her parents hadn't said a word about what had to be common knowledge in the village by now. That Sasuke had a child that wasn't Sakura's. They had never said much about her marriage, even when it had to be obvious to them that things between her and her husband weren't exactly rosy.

"I see," Kakashi said. "I made sure he has no missions this week so he can spend more time with you. You were gone for many months after all."

She thanked him absent-mindedly. Was this the moment to say something about Sarada? No, he seemed so blissfully happy and relaxed and she was certain he would be the exact opposite if he heard about what she had learned today.

"Does the wound still trouble you?" she asked instead.

"No," Kakashi said. "Thanks to you and Mi-cha. Oh, and I thought of a person who could teach him our language."

"Oh, who?" Sakura asked curiously.

"Okami Akane, the librarian. I know she studies languages."

"That's an excellent idea!"

"And you could teach me his?"

"I'd love to," Sakura answered without a moment of reflection.

"I thought you would say no," he said as he continued to carefully wash and rinse their dinnerware.

Why did time have to fly by so quickly? Much too soon, the dinner was over, it was past 10pm and she was saying goodbye to her parents.

"I'll walk you home," Kakashi said at the door.

Maybe she should have refused, but how could she have? Any minute she could spend with him, she'd take. Greedy. Selfish.

"Shit, your tracksuit," Sakura suddenly remembered after they had walked a few blocks. "I left it at my parents."

"I have many more," he snorted, "don't worry. Besides, I owe you clothes too."

"It's getting complicated," she giggled.

"Mhm," he agreed, "very complicated."

The streets they walked through were mostly dark, but the snow that covered Konoha glowed softly in the starlight. The silence that fell on them afterwards was a comfortable one. So it was possible that they walked together like friends, like old battle companions, with no trace of awkwardness between them. It was a discovery that made her happy and hopeful.

"We're here," Kakashi said suddenly.

Confused, Sakura looked up. They had arrived at her and Sasuke's apartment.

"That's…," she cringed. Oh no. Of course he'd assume that she wanted to go here! Why had she not paid more attention to where they were walking? "I… I don't… I need… I need to go to the hospital tonight."

"Are you on call?" Kakashi asked with a frown. "You should have said, I would have left much earlier."

"Don't worry!" she assured him quickly, "it's no big deal."

"Do you want to go up to say hi? I can wait."

"No, no, it's okay, just leave… and you really don't need to walk me to the…"

"It's in my direction anyway," he answered with a shrug.

Do I say something about Sarada now? Sakura asked herself as they continued in silence. She needs a stable home, with at least one person who is always there for her.

She stole a glance at Kakashi, but she couldn't see his face, he was bundled up completely with a scarf covering everything but his nose and a hat he had pulled down almost to his eyes.

I should have a solution first before burdening him, she concluded.

"I have a long list of things I need to discuss with you," he said.

"Me too!" she said, feeling for the sheet of paper she had put into her coat.

"Should we set regular meetings every second day at…"

"...7am?"

"Isn't that too early for you?"

"I never thought I'd hear you say that."

"People and circumstances change, Sakura," he said, his voice muffled by his scarf, but she thought that he sounded a little sad.

In no time, they were at the hospital. She wanted to say goodbye, but Kakashi followed her inside the building - the nurse on night duty was asleep at her desk - and right to her on-call room.

"You've delivered me safely to my doorstep," she said in an attempt to joke and conceal her nervousness.

"Is this where you stay when you're at the hospital?" he asked and bent a little forward to have a look inside.

"Yes," she said, her heart suddenly beating very fast. "You… you should probably go."

She hadn't just said that? She turned red and hid her face behind her own scarf.

"Yes, I probably should."

But he stood there and looked at her, his eyes glittering in the artificial light.

"Uhm… do you want to… to talk about a few things in my office? Then we don't need to meet at 7am and..."

"Yes. I do."

He followed her up the stairs and she couldn't help but think of that time, of kissing him in the corridor after crying on the toilet, of taking him to her office, of… the mutual passion that had shaken her to her core. I promised him I'd leave Sasuke, she remembered. But until the very end, I did not. I am a coward. I hoped… hoped he'd solve this problem for me. And when he said he couldn't, I felt so betrayed I said things I didn't mean.

"Have a seat?" Sakura said and pointed to one of the chairs in front of her desk. Kakashi sat down and started to unwrap his face, draping his coat, scarf and hat over the chair next to him. Then he folded his arms and just looked at her.

And now she felt it. The tension Micha had mentioned. It was so thick they could have cut it with a knife. Oh god… what was she doing?! She began to sort through some papers on her desk just so she didn't have to look at him. It was 10.30pm. Nobody had meetings at this time.

"You're skittish because you fear I might remember what we did in this office?" Kakashi said, taking her off guard completely.

"N… no," she squealed. And remembered the next second what she had hidden in her bottom drawer.

"An office is an obvious place to meet while having an affair," he said, his eyes narrowed. "And this one seems well equipped for a tryst."

"Kakashi…," she said helplessly, "I cannot…"

"You know you're the only one who doesn't use any titles with me these days? No Sensei, no Hokage, no sama, no nothing. I like it."

"G… good," she stammered. She knew this tone of his. It didn't bode well. He had used it on them when he was about to punish them most severely. She had… misread this whole situation, hadn't she?

"But I discovered something today, when I went upstairs to the Hokage residence this afternoon," he continued and her heart dropped into her stomach. "And it made me wonder… why you would do something like this. Why you would lie to me."

He knew. He goddamn knew.

"Yes, I took your notebook!" she blurted out before it could get any worse, "I'm extremely sorry, I know it's inexcusable."

"You're right," he said coldly. "It is."

"I panicked," she attempted to defend herself, but it was pointless.

"You panicked? At the thought that I could remember what happened between us? Why, was it that horrible?"

"No, Kakashi. It was... the exact opposite."

For a short moment, time stood still. There was only her and him, her eyes and his, aligned. A moment of recognition, of mutual understanding. But that moment was gone all too quickly. He snorted scornfully.

"You are glad I don't remember? You want to leave things the way they are between us right now. Because it's more convenient."

No. I want to go back in time. I want us to be happy again, just like we were. You, me, Sarada. A little family.

"Yes," she said. Did her voice shake? No, she had managed to say it firmly and with conviction.

"Okay," he said, getting up and gathering up his clothes swiftly. "I won't read it. In fact, you can keep the notebook. It's much safer here than at the Hokage Tower."

"What? Wait… no!"

"See you at 7am," he said, already out the door. "Sharp."