Sakura melted into Kakashi's embrace, his fastened heartbeat at her ear. Lub dub, lub dub, lub dub… it felt like... home. Snuggling even closer, she whimpered soundlessly under her breath. She shouldn't be this weak, not at her age, not in her position, she shouldn't expect any comfort from him, but why fight it... she was physically and emotionally exhausted and the promise of solace from his open arms was simply too tempting.

The last week had been torture. Too much was going on, she was drowning in work and was struggling to adjust back into her previous life - she had felt extremely sorry towards Kakashi for disappointing him, then extremely angry about his petty childishness the next second, opposing emotions that put her heart through the wringer.

Interacting with people was hard. Interacting with people you liked was even harder especially when communication had broken down.

I'm just going to hug him forever, she thought, pressing him a little more firmly to herself, this muscular, masculine body that radiated warmth, strength, security… and… her hands had traveled down his back all by themselves, were already resting on the upper end of his buttocks. … the promise of extremely good sex. With a muffled squeal, she pulled her hands away to safe territory, up to the small of his back.

Her heart started beating very fast. An innocent hug between them was an impossibility, she should have known. Her hormones went into overdrive. The heat from his body spread into hers and she was beginning to burn anew, just as defenseless as the first time and none the wiser.

"Hmm," he sighed against her hair, tightening his own arms a little more.

And then, a whisper from his lips, sending goosebumps over her skin: "I feel an almost overwhelming need to kiss you."

"N… no," she exclaimed against his chest. There were no innocent hugs between them and kissing would inevitably lead to the next step, to clothes being shed, to carnal hungers being satiated... wasn't it as obvious to him as it was to her? They couldn't go there. After having burnt themselves once, who would willingly put their hand into the fire again?

"You don't like kissing?" he sounded honestly surprised and a little offended. "I thought I'm a good kisser."

Oh god, stop!

She lifted her face to look up at him. That smirk…

"Are you doing this deliberately?" she asked him in a shaking voice, "you're enjoying yourself, aren't you."

"Not nearly enough," he said, lifting a hand to trace something on her face… the marks of the seal, she realized, they had to be still visible. Luckily, she had not needed to use all her stored chakra, but she needed to work on restoring the Seal diligently for a few days. Releasing it had hurt her, the pain leaving a vicious echo in her body.

"Can I kiss this at least," he asked and was already bending forward to put his lips against the diamond mark between her brows. His lips underneath his mask. With a dissatisfied grunt he pulled his face back and his mask down before pressing them against her forehead.

Her eyes fell shut forcefully at the sudden sensory overload in her nerves and for a moment, it felt to her like she was shot into the starless void, tumbling aimlessly yet without fear because he held her to himself even when her legs wanted to buckle.

"Well," he said, "you should probably go to sleep."

But that wasn't it.

"Do it again, please," she whispered and he did without asking any questions, his lips sending gentle waves of tingling energy down her body, the weakened seal a conduit for his lightning release chakra.

"See? Kissing is not so bad," he grinned after disengaging a while later.

He was showing her his face. He was smiling down at her without mask and she had to swallow hard at the sight.

The face hadn't changed of course, he still had the same slightly naughty smile, the tiny mole on his left chin, the same alluring lips and yet… she was too surprised at the trust it signified, trust she had thought she'd lost.

"Are you feeling better?" he asked her, putting her hair behind her ear, his hand lingering a moment at her neck. Her arms were still slung around him, she didn't want to let go just yet.

He looked into her eyes with a little frown. "So… we fixed this, right. It's going to work, we are good enough colleagues now?"

Sakura had to laugh. "I guess?"

"But I still cannot kiss you?"

"Kakashi, it's… not a good idea. And colleagues… colleagues don't kiss."

"Hmmmm," he said, narrowing his eyes. "That depends on the colleague. Anyway, I'm going to read what I wrote now. I just cannot work out what you're so afraid of."

"Stop," Sakura squeaked, holding onto him with sudden desperation. "I'll tell you. I don't know what you wrote, but I'll tell you why it hurt me when you said you did not want to remember and..."

"I told you I had temporarily chosen not to remember and that I would read up on it… but then you took my notebook away, which...I still think is about the worst thing someone can do in such a situation. You know how important it is?"

"Is this the start to another fight?" Sakura asked with a sinking feeling at his sharpened tone.

"I wonder," he said and took a step back, disengaging himself from her. He pulled out the notebook from his back pocket, weighing it in his hand.

Sakura swallowed. He was right, why was she so afraid? She remembered every sweet minute of their time together, she always would … but they had parted with very sad promises between them. He had said, I have to let you go. And he had said he would always love her, but just like a Hokage loves his people.

It wasn't what she wanted.

I hoped for a second chance, she suddenly realized. A new beginning, a clean slate.

"I fear you will no longer like me," she blurted out. "I… I made mistakes and I…"

I can love you, Kakashi, with everything I have if you only let me.

"Hm," he said. "Mistakes. What kind of mistakes? I am old enough to know that affairs never end well, Sakura. No need to protect me from reading about my broken heart. Sometimes, two people are drawn to each other by forces too strong to resist, but they also inevitably hurt others and then themselves. That's what affairs are. That's why it's better not to start any."

"You sound like you have a lot of experience," she said bitterly.

A second chance… yes, a part of her was asking for more of the same, but with a twist. She was living separated from Sasuke, but Kakashi was going to marry another woman. She had no right to hope he would choose her anyway. But… she wanted him to. Needed him to. And knew at the same time that she would never say a word about it because she didn't want to be that kind of person.

"Did you forget how many Icha Icha books I read?" he shrugged. "Affairs happen in every volume at least once, being excellent backdrops for heartbreak, sexual tension, murder, you name it. But I really doubt that I wrote anything bad about you, Sakura. I hold you in much too high regard for that."

In much too high… Sakura felt herself blush and her heart shuddered happily.

"Despite your recent behavior," Kakashi added. "Goddamn, you made me angry, woman."

"And you me!" she followed suit. "You know how long the list of things is I urgently need to discuss with you? Thirty items or more!"

"I have a list too," Kakashi nodded with a smile - and put his mask back up. "I'm glad we cleared the air between us. But now, I'm really going to read what I wrote."

He opened the notebook swiftly, leafed through it at high speed until he seemed to have found what he was looking for, and began to read.

Sakura held her breath.

It took him a long time to get through just the first page and it made her goddamn nervous. But it had to be written in code, she realized, when he finally turned the page, Kakashi had even taught them how to develop an alphabet only those who had the key could read.

"And?" she asked timidly.

"Hm," he uttered gravely and continued reading.

After several more minutes, she made a few steps in his direction, wringing her hands, but he turned to the side, putting his body between her and the book. As if she was planning to snatch it from him. Or … should she snatch it from him?

"You little minx," he said.

Whaaaat?

"No, Kakashi," she defended herself, feeling quite horrified, "I never two-timed, Kakashi, I haven't slept with Sasuke since I started sleeping with you, I…"

"It's much worse than I thought," he interrupted her darkly and turned around so that his back was facing her. He flipped another page.

"No," Sakura tried again, "that's not true. It was… wonderful, only that… only that there were problems with other people and…"

"Tsk tsk," Kakashi clicked his tongue and shook his head. "Playing like this with your poor, old Sensei."

Was he…

"Are you…"

"... serious?" he finished her sentence and looked at her over his shoulder, his face unreadable. "Always. But now I'm mainly curious about one thing..."

He snapped the booklet shut and put it in his trousers, swiveled around, took a step in her direction and cupped her cheek in his gloved hand. Mesmerized, frozen like the mouse before the snake, she stared into his dark, merciless eyes.

He pulled his mask down.

"Don't do it," she croaked, but his lips were already on hers. Briefly. A mere peck. Before she could react, they were already gone again. He licked his own lips leisurely, leaving hers tingling.

"Sweet cherries," he nodded, "is this lipstick or just the way you naturally taste?"

"Don't… don't play with me," she pressed out, feeling a confusing mixture of anger and excitement. "What's your point?"

"My point…," his eyes flitted to her lips and stayed there. "My point is…"

He leaned in again and this time, she met him halfway. He put his lips to hers gently, like he was testing the waters, shifting his focus first to the top lip and then to the bottom lip while increasing his pressure. It took her a bit of an effort to remain passive, but she told herself to simply mirror what he was doing which… felt… amazing… and...

Her hand shot up to grasp his neck as she closed her eyes firmly. The tip of her tongue parted his lips hungrily, but was stopped cold by the unyielding row of his teeth. Never mind. Her tongue went back to explore the texture of his lips instead, finding them smooth and warm. The next time her tongue ventured forward, it met the tip of his. He took a sharp breath just as she had to stifle a needy moan. She really, really, really wanted to be touched by him. She really, really, really wanted to take her clothes off… she had warned him, had she not?

Both of them deepened the kiss and increased the speed of their tongues' dance. Sakura moved her second hand to his head to grip his hair and his hands moved from her hips down to her buttocks to pull her towards him. She felt an urge to grind against him, to get him more excited, to feel him grow hard, but the part of her who had been raised as a polite, proper girl was shocked at such impulses and held back.

And then he pulled away, leaning his forehead against hers. His breath was on her face as he lifted his thumb to stroke her lower lip once.

"That's enough," he said.

"Says who?" she pressed out.

"I do," Kakashi said and stepped back several steps, taking one deep breath. "The one big problem between us is that we didn't know when to stop."

"And… why do you get to decide?" Sakura demanded to know, battling tears of frustration.

"Because someone is coming, silly," he told her and put his mask back in place.

What? It was very late already, who was still…

"Rin," Sakura hissed, it sounded like an ugly curse and Kakashi's eyebrows contracted instantly.

"Is there a problem between you two?" he asked.

Yeah. Guess why.

"I… no… I just…," great, now she was stammering like an idiot.

"Anything you have observed about her, anything strange?" He sounded concerned.

"No… not really," Sakura admitted. Rin was an amazing medic. That wasn't strange though. It only made her jealous and very insecure.

There was a knock at the door.

"Come in," Sakura said and the door was pushed open, revealing Rin who froze in mid-movement when she saw who was looking in her direction.

"Kakashi!" she exclaimed, breaking into a smile. "What are you doing here at this hour?"

"Yo! Comforting doctors in distress," he said lightly. "And you?"

What? Sakura glared at him.

"I was certain Sakura was still working and I wanted to discuss the operation with her. I reviewed the procedure in my mind and I think I have found a way how to optimize it," Rin gushed, "it was amazing! Sakura is so good, did you know? Oh. Of course you do."

She scratched her head and laughed.

"I'm glad the hospital is in such good hands," Kakashi said. "If you will excuse me now. I need to find Sasuke."

"Sasuke?" Sakura frowned. "Why?"

"Because I need to speak to him. You should speak to him too - quite urgently, actually."

"What for?" Sakura asked, puzzled about the gravitas with which he spoke.

"Adoption. He wants you two to get custody over Sarada. Karin has already given her consent. I'm very much in favor of it, I'll give you the papers next time you come to a meeting."

And after dropping this bomb at her feet with what felt very much like pettiness to her, he sauntered out without another word, hand lifted in a very typical, annoyingly careless farewell gesture.

###

It was close to midnight when Sakura left the hospital.

Did she know it was unacceptable to visit someone at this hour? Yes, she did. Did she care? Not so much.

Her rage had built and built until she was shaking.

She would not let herself be treated like this. How dare he play her. Had she not been clearer than clear about not wanting any kissing? Did he think he could do whatever he wanted with her? 'Comforting doctors', was it? Did he have to flaunt how much more experienced he was? Why had she not kicked him where it hurt? What lies had he written down about her? And why had he kissed her even though he wanted her and Sasuke to adopt Sarada?

Gnnnnnngh!

Her rage built up even further as she rushed through the streets until she thought her head would explode… and deflated completely within seconds after arriving in front of the Tower. She slowed her steps, stood still. What now? Had she thought she'd just drag the village leader out of his bed to shout insults at him?

"Sakura Sensei," the Anbu guard at the gate saluted and stood aside. Like it was the most natural thing in the world that people turned up here at this hour.

She looked up. There was light in the Hokage's office.

Feeling increasingly confused, she nodded to the guard and walked towards the building. Someone had shoveled a neat path in the snow recently, a straight line from the gate to the door. Without her rage as fuel, all she felt was massive self-doubt as she walked towards the tower entrance. She could have turned around, no damage done… but the prideful, stubborn part of her refused to back down. She went in and up the stairs, counting the pictures on the walls as she always did, going by the floor Micha's apartment was on, hoping he would poke his head out by coincidence and prevent her from doing something she would most certainly regret.

The Hokage's door stood slightly ajar so she walked right in before she could lose the meager rest of her courage.

"Huh," Kakashi said from behind his desks, folding his hands in front of him. "My colleague is here. Approximately seven hours early."

"I… I couldn't sleep," she said, walking forward uninvited.

"And you think I can help you with that?" he raised an eyebrow. "Interesting."

"Yes. You're the problem," she declared, pulling up a chair from the side and sitting down.

"But I thought we fixed it?" he leaned forward a little.

Really? And how did kissing fix things? Sakura tried to read his mood. In vain. He looked guarded and wary, like he didn't quite understand why she had come. That was not surprising because now that she was here, she didn't quite understand either.

"Is that me? Underneath a huge black rain cloud?" she asked, spotting a drawing on a notepad near his elbow. She realized she was starting to babble. She always did when she felt this nervous and insecure.

"Is it?" Kakashi tilted his head to the side to study the image. "I don't know. The title of this piece of art is 'the woman with no respect'."

"I respect you a lot," she said quietly.

"Then it's not you," he pushed the notebook away.

They looked at each other across the desk. She couldn't live with charged silences. It was too late and she had too much to say. Only that she didn't know where to start.

"Do you always work this late?"

"I do," Kakashi said, "but just for the record, I don't overly enjoy it."

"Kakashi…," she felt horrible all of a sudden. Here she was, at such an ungodly hour, to throw a temper tantrum at a man who sacrificed his time, his life, for all of their wellbeing.

"It's hardly your fault," he said in a light tone and started looking through a pile of document to his right. "Here," he said, pulling one out. "Did you come for this?"

She took the file from his hand.

The adoption papers. Karin's and Sasuke's signatures were on it already. There was an empty space for hers.

"I…," she said miserably and stared at the sheet of paper. Poor Sarada. What would happen to her?

"I didn't know in what shape Karin is until today," Kakashi said quietly. "I should have, but I somehow fooled myself into believing everything was okay after I took office."

"You can't be responsible for everything!" Sakura tried to assure him.

"I failed her," Kakashi said, refusing to look at her. "This child… this child is precious in more ways than you can possibly understand, Sakura. I know you had a hard time when you found out about Sasuke and Karin's dalliance but…"

"I don't care anymore," Sakura said resolutely, "I'm over it."

"Good," Kakashi said and their eyes met briefly. Oh, he was good at masking his feelings. But she didn't need many cues to see that this topic discomforted and hurt him.

"No," Sakura said, "I think you misunderstand me. I don't love him anymore. Maybe I never did."

Kakashi looked at his desk.

"Sasuke can continue to make children with whomever he wants, it's none of my…"

"He needs you," Kakashi interrupted. "Now more than ever. He needs you… and me. All the support he can get."

"I've moved out," Sakura flared up. "I'm not going back to him."

"Sasuke is not well," Kakashi sighed. "That's why we're going to test the cure on him. As early as tomorrow."

What?

"Did you and Micha decide this without me…?"

"It's not only the Mangekyo," Kakashi didn't answer her question, "we need to act swiftly. It's getting worse."

"With you too?" Sakura felt cold dread flood her insides.

"Not as far as I've noticed," Kakashi explained, "but I needed more time to study the notebook to be sure. It's not only there for me to recover memories, I also need it to check on them regularly and decide which ones to keep and which ones to lock away."

"You lock away some things deliberately so that they cannot be erased? Are you using the Mind Sealing technique again?"

"Yes," Kakashi said, "that's it."

"I guess I'm lucky then," she said bitterly. "That the memories of me were not in the even worse category 'locked away forever'."

"Yup," Kakashi said, "but I would have put you there had you not come back."

"You're still angry with me?" Sakura asked, taken aback by how harsh he sounded.

"That's not the correct word," Kakashi said. "Though I think you could have written at least once, maybe."

She had no response to that. She had tried… and failed.

"There's no point in being resentful though, isn't there," he said. "What's in the past is in the past."

"And now you want me by Sasuke's side because of Sarada? And because he's unwell?"

"You're the doctor, how high is the risk that something goes wrong in those tests?"

"I don't know," she said, her eyebrows drawing together, "there's always a risk."

"And what happens to Sarada if something goes substantially wrong?"

Dammit. Sakura looked down at the papers in her lap. By law… orphanage? If the things she had heard about Karin were true, she was completely unfit for custody.

"I want to leave him for good, Kakashi," she said. "It's not because of you…", that was not true, "well, maybe it is because of you, but…"

"I never expected you to leave him," Kakashi interrupted her. "Don't make me the reason."

"Why? I told you I would leave him."

"Ah," he smiled a little. "People say a lot of things when they're emotional. You and Sasuke…," he shrugged. "I guess I've known you for too long. He is your world, your everything."

"And you think I'm the same person I was twelve years ago?" she bristled.

"Well… not exactly," he smiled lopsided. "That would make me such a pervert."

Something snapped. No more dancing around the truth and second guessing his intentions. The truth. She needed it. "If you never believed I would leave him, if you want me at Sasuke's side, then why did you kiss me?"

There was a small pause before he answered. "I needed to confirm something."

She snorted. "That my lips taste like cherry?"

"No. Whether I could control myself. Since that's necessary between colleagues."

"Why do you keep bringing up that word?"

"Me? It was you. You want to be good colleagues. That's smart because we have lists of things we need to discuss… tomorrow morning." He folded his arms in a dismissive gesture and leaned back.

"I'm not leaving," Sakura said stubbornly, folding her arms in turn.

"That's okay," Kakashi said and got up. "You can sleep here."

"Hey!" Sakura said and sprang up to, "you owe me answers."

"What answers?"

"I don't get it," she said.

"What?"

"Your behavior," Sakura put her lower jaw out aggressively. "Yes, I admit I should have written to you. And I wanted to. But I chickened out because it's a pretty big deal, you becoming Hokage and telling me I should forget you and…"

"... I never said that," he said evenly. "It was you who said I should move on, that you cannot promise me anything."

"You said you would love me the same like everyone in Konoha," she was close to yelling.

"Hardly," Kakashi frowned, "imagine that mess."

"So what, you are angry that I did not make you promise that you'd wait for me? Does that make any sense?"

"What does that even mean, 'wait for me'! Of course I waited for you, ever damn fucking day during eight goddamn long months. I had no idea when you would come back, if you would come back..."

"I didn't know either! But I already knew you would move on, every sane person would! And she's just great, I mean… look at her, she's so..."

"Hm," Kakashi said with an expression that made Sakura falter.

"I don't like her," she admitted sheepishly, "but she's super talented and simply gorgeous."

"Rin's indeed very talented," Kakashi said. "Yup, and gorgeous."

"Yeah, so… I fully… understand…," she stumbled over her words. Oh god, she wanted to run out of here and die.

"Are you by any chance jealous?" Kakashi asked.

"Of course I'm jealous!" Sakura yelled. "I will never ever be as good and as pretty as her!"

"I didn't know it was a competition," Kakashi remarked and leaned against his desk.

"It wasn't," Sakura said resigned. "I never stood a chance anyway."

"I guess if you say so," he shrugged. "What other rumors are you paying attention to?"

"Rumors…?" she looked down at her shoes. "I don't know about any rumors. Ah, I think people think you're a bit too close to the Noharas, but I haven't really heard much. And of course, I don't believe it! I know you have some kind of plan and..."

"Careful," he put a finger to his lips as dropped his voice, "if you want to discuss my plans, we need to go up to my residence. It's not safe here."

"Oh," she threw a look towards the open door. "Okay."

Kakashi switched off the lights and they walked upstairs together in silence. Halfway up, she realized that he had once again managed to derail her. Completely.

"Kakashi," she said, "I didn't come because I wanted to discuss secret plans with you."

"You didn't?" he asked innocently, yet sounding smug like only someone who knows he has won a difficult argument can sound.

He opened the door to his apartment and looked at her.

"I know why you came," he said, stepping right in front of her, "that colleagues thing… it isn't working at all."