* Sorry, Corona and the mess it's causing globally didn't let me write at all for several days. But at last, I have a little treat for you... just as my country goes into lockdown. Keep safe and healthy, my dears.

For the entirety of his life, Kakashi had only known casual, open relationships. For soldiers on active duty who knew that death was waiting just around the corner, one of the most important rules was not to get too attached to other people because emotional ties compromised your performance and could even jeopardize your entire team. At the same time, even the most well trained humans had physical and emotional needs that, if not taken care of, could cause equal problems.

In his opinion, Kakashi had always managed the balance between giving to and taking from other people well - perhaps surprisingly so, given his rather messed-up childhood and youth that by the book should have predestined him to become an emotional cripple at best and a full-fledged psychopath at worst. Maybe he was just lucky to have met enough like minded people in his life, people who would share a bed with someone for a night, then went on whatever mission their village sent them on but never formed expectations. The key to harmony was to be kind and respectful, even to those from other villages, and please your partner the way you yourself hoped to be pleased during those fleeting encounters.

This had always been enough. Now it wasn't anymore.

He wanted to love one person only, physically and emotionally with all he had, for the rest of his life.

Fierce, brave, honest, loyal, selfless … that person was standing in front of him looking both determined and a little spooked, her current vulnerability making her even more desirable than she already was to him.

Praise the day you forgot about her. Do not pursue her further, he had written into his notebook, a big, fat warning in red. It will ruin you.

How clever… but also how futile.

No way it could ever have worked, his desperate little trick to free himself of emotions that were so strong they had the power to ruin him thoroughly indeed. The notebook contained his memories alright - but only the heavy, hopeless ones, all the "it cannot bes" he had been able to come up with during her absence, a potentially powerful deterrent for someone whose life was already so full of responsibilities and difficulties.

He didn't fully understand the mechanism behind the memory loss nor how the recovery worked. But just like the right key could unlock memories shut away by the Mind Sealing Technique, reading certain self-written words triggered the retrieval of those the use of the Sharingan had erased.

Reading his account of their relationship had brought back everything very quickly. One realization dominated: He was in love, head over heels, deeply and thoroughly. And: It … hurt. The heartache, it was attached to the memory, pulsating inside of him with dull persistency. What he made himself remember was a desperate, sad kind of love, one that struggled feebly against the reality of what seemed insurmountable obstacles, against duties, against complicated webs of ties that existed between teacher and student, between him and so many people in this village.

But even if he had read this at the hospital immediately after losing his memories, read it before realizing in the days that followed the battle against the Oni masks that all that felt good in his life was connected to Sakura, he would not have ended up believing what he had written.

Memories were one thing - feelings another.

He had already realized earlier that when memories came back, they were unstable. They needed to find the right context, the niche they fit into. They needed to be sorted into the string of memories that came before and those that came after - and they needed to arrange themselves into 'important' - and 'less important'.

That's why he had kissed her.

The memories in someone's mind were not everything. There was something like an emotional subtext that worked on a different level, connected, yet separate from the memories that he had to write down to recover. It spoke an entirely different truth.

With the kiss, he had hoped to confirm that his love for her was not doomed. That it could be stronger than despair. That he could fight for it and win.

He had confirmed this.

There was a shade of fear entering Sakura's eyes as she stood on his doorstep, gazing up into his face. Her breathing was quickened, her cheeks a little flushed. It was possible she had followed him up here without realizing his true intentions, but she had to see the unveiled desire in his eyes now.

He wanted her so much that thinking of anything else was an ordeal.

When she had left on her trip, he had told her that he could not be the one to come to her. He had said this because of his own fears. His inexperienced heart wasn't trained for such strong feelings... He had always held it back, had guarded it carefully against further hurt.

But now he was ready to give it to her, whatever the consequences. She had come to him today and it was enough.

For now.

"Do you want to leave?" he asked throatily.

"No," she said firmly, though her voice shook a little. "But…"

Before she could voice her trepidations, her stomach growled loudly and extensively.

"Hm," Kakashi's eyebrows went up. "I see. So… you came here for something to eat? I can help with that of course."

"N… no!" she turned very red and averted her eyes in embarrassment as her hands went to her treacherous tummy.

"There is someone who keeps bugging me to eat properly," Kakashi said and started walking towards the kitchen before his hands could start acting on their desire to grab this cuteness before him, "a persistent and sometimes annoying woman. Luckily, I have left-overs from last night."

"It's really not necessary…," she said, closing the apartment door with a soft click before scurrying after him. Her stomach growled again, even more loudly, making him smile. Little liar.

His kitchen was large, with a walk around stove in the middle and a fridge that seemed extensive enough to store food for half the village.

"You're gonna get… Omurice!" he declared and grabbed the left over rice, a few eggs, and spring onions from the fridge.

When he turned around, Sakura was standing right behind him on her tiptoes.

"Kakashi…," she said bravely, blinking rapidly, "I…"

"Hmmmm," he breathed in sharply. "Please keep your distance if you want something to eat. I'm massively triggered."

She quickly stepped away, looking confused. Did she really not understand what her presence in his apartment did to him? He threw her glances as he re-fried the rice in one pan and prepared the eggs in another. Maybe she was too tired? Kakashi frowned unhappily.

"Are you very tired?" he asked her when he put their food on two plates, sprinkling fresh spring onions on top.

"No," she claimed but it had to be a lie. The skin around her eyes looked bruised from fatigue. She had opened her Strength of a Hundred Seal today. He probably couldn't expect her not to fall over soon. Maybe it was better to get his hopes down. Way down.

"Beer?" he asked when he put the plate before her and put a spoon next to it.

"Are you having one too?" she asked.

"Why not," he shrugged. Technically, it was too cold outside for beer, but it wasn't cold in here anymore. Ever since her return, his apartment had gotten a proper heating. Mainly in anticipation of her next visit.

He took a seat opposite of her at his nice wooden kitchen table.

"You're my very first guest," he said with a fond smile at the realization.

"Kakashi…," she swallowed.

"Yes? Do you want something else? Tomato sauce, maybe?"

"No…," she swallowed again, looking at him with determination. "I want to… ask you… about Rin."

"Rin."

"Yes, I have to know. I… don't understand… you and her…"

"That's little surprising," Kakashi said, taking a light tone though his heart started beating faster. "I don't understand myself."

"But… are you… do you…"

"You want to know about our relationship status?"

"Yes," Sakura said in a small voice. "That."

"She's my friend and… a good colleague."

Sakura frowned at her plate.

"And that's it, Sakura. You shouldn't listen to rumors. Especially not those that say that we're getting married soon."

She took a sharp breath.

"I'm not marrying Rin, am I being clear enough?"

"Okay. Yes," she said, blushing again, obviously not quite sure where to look.

"Do you want me to tell you how I feel about her?"

"If you want," she said very quietly, taking the spoon into her hand, but not eating.

"I'm not a guy who hides his feelings, Sakura. You know me. I'm a pretty simple person. I only like one woman - and it's not Rin."

She looked at him and he smiled happily at the hope in her eyes, pulling down his mask so she could see his entire face. He had nothing to hide from her. But many things to share.

"Rin's from the Ōtsutsuki clan," Kakashi told Sakura the best guarded secret there was in Konoha, "like her mother and probably all of the Noharas."

"What?" Sakura blurted out, her whole body going rigid.

"Yeah," Kakashi said, "hard to believe, I know. I have a bunch of unconfirmed theories about how exactly they are related to Kaguya and I'm working on finding out more every day. Sasuke has been helping me. I know for sure there's a living God Tree underground at the Mountains Graveyard."

"Kakashi, that's ...!" Sakura said big-eyed. "Everyone believes we were able to leave this horror behind us!"

Kakashi nodded gravely. "The 'good news' is that the Noharas don't seem to be allies of Kaguya. I think that what they are doing is about self-preservation."

"But… how… I don't understand," Sakura said, shaking her head.

"Neither do I," Kakashi had to admit. "But I saw Rin transform. She has some kind of seal near her belly button… it spread on her entire body like a curse seal, in red… and then she ate a berry from the God Tree. Things get very hazy after that though..."

"She was naked?" Sakura asked with a frown.

"Uhm, well… yeah, kinda…," Kakashi cleared his throat, feeling a bit embarrassed, "and she has no scars. I don't think that Rin is Rin at all."

"Excuse me?" Sakura began shaking her head again.

"She said something like 'it's where I was made. Where they blessed me with their powers and transformed me'. I'm pretty sure that the Rin you saw earlier today is not the Rin I killed."

Sakura still shook her head.

"You think I'm crazy?" Kakashi sighed. "Yeah. Maybe I am."

"You mean to say… she's a clone?" Sakura asked.

"Yes, something like that," Kakashi nodded and took a spoonful of his omurice. It was tasty. He was very hungry too, he realized. "If you ask me how I know it's not 'my' Rin… well… I was very close to the Rin back then. This one is… off."

Sakura frowned at him. "Off?"

"I just know it's not her," Kakashi said, "I've spent a lot of time with her to be sure. Which explains the rumors about us."

Sakura began shaking her head again.

"It's fine if you do not want to believe it," Kakashi said, "I've had months to process this."

"I'm sorry, Kakashi," Sakura said, her lower lip quivering slightly.

"There's definitely no need for that!" he said. "Not your fault."

"But I'm sorry for leaving you alone with all this," she explained quietly.

"It's okay," he assured her. No need to be hung up about the bitter loneliness he had been plunged into after he departure. It wasn't her fault either. "Want to hear more crazy theories? There's two things I've realized. First, Mrs. Nohara is very much in favor of marrying me to her daughter. She was honestly grateful I brought Rin back to the village. She is important to her. Without my intervention, Mrs. Nohara would have locked Rin up. Apparently, she thinks I will keep her in line once she is my wife."

"What an old-fashioned idea of a husband," Sakura said drily.

"What? Totally my idea of a husband," Kakashi joked, winning himself a skewed smile from Sakura.

"So… you trust her? This version of Rin?"

Kakashi moved his head from side to side slowly. "When I said i consider her a friend… I meant it. She means no ill. I'm helping Rin so she can have the semblance of a normal life for now. I often have doubts, but she hasn't done anything to deserve my mistrust."

"What about… the Oni masks?" Sakura pointed at his midriff with the end of her spoon.

"Ah," Kakashi nodded, "There are two different versions of those… I don't hope you'll ever meet them again, but check out their swords in case you do. The ones who attacked me and the Mizukage were the same who attacked Konoha last year, but not the same ones I saw at the Mountains' Graveyard. The first have much longer swords."

"Okay," Sakura said. "I will trust your judgment - and Rin is an amazing medic. You said you realized two things?"

"Yes," Kakashi nodded. "The second thing is, the Noharas are very eager for the cure you brought back. I'm thinking… that the Uchiha illness might be a defensive mechanism against the Ōtsutsuki clan. They didn't know about it until recently, even though they are the orchestrators of all those Uchiha blood experiments."

"How many hours do you sleep at night?" Sakura asked.

"Are you thinking I'm insane due to lack of sleep?" Kakashi snickered.

"No. Just wondering when you have time to develop these outrageous theories."

Kakashi stopped smiling. "It's… not been easy, Sakura. I'm honestly so glad you are back."

"I'll help you, Kakashi," she said, starting to eat in earnest now, "and if it's only to keep you sane."

"Huh," Kakashi snorted, "okay."

They ate in silence for a while. If he were granted one wish at this very moment, it would be that he could have her sit in his kitchen eating food he had prepared for her every day from now on, until the end of his life.

"But what about Sarada?"

Sarada. She was where selfishness had to end.

"We need to protect her, Sakura, with all we've got," Kakashi said gravely. "Me, you, Sasuke, Naruto, the entire village. She combines the two bloodlines of Hagoromo and Hamura. I have reason to believe that Sarada plays a huge role in something the Noharas want… or need."

"Poor Sarada," Sakura looked ready to cry.

"I'm sorry, but that's why…"

"Can we talk about it tomorrow?" Sakura interrupted him hastily. "Can we pretend there's no difficulties just for one night?"

Kakashi's breath was suddenly short as an army butterflies invaded his stomach.

"You… you are not too tired?"

"Too tired for what?" she asked innocently, finishing the last of her omurice, leaning back.

"Don't tease me," he whispered.

"Oh, look who's talking," she replied snippily. "Who enjoyed making me squirm earlier? Little minx, was it?"

"Sakura, I… well…," oh no, was she angry?!

"Let me do the dishes," she said, collecting the plates and spoons without looking at him, then walking over to the sink. Kakashi watched her move around, a little unsure what to do next. He didn't even dare find out what time it was. They should both have been asleep hours ago, that much was clear.

"Do you have a toothbrush for me?" Sakura asked when she was done and had dried her hands on his towel.

"Of course," Kakashi stammered, springing up and rushing to the bathroom. His brain was blanking… she was really staying? Toothbrush… toothbrush. Here, in the cupboard of course. What else did she need…?

"Are you nervous?" Sakura asked behind him and he almost jumped.

"Yes," he admitted with a forced grin, "very."

"Don't be," she said and put an arm around his middle to squeeze him briefly, "you can do no wrong in my eyes."

She took the toothbrush from his hand and held it in front of him: "Toothpaste, please."

He watched her put it to her mouth with fascination before unfreezing and venturing to brush his own teeth. She was standing very close to him, a source of warmth and comfort that made him think of building a nest for them, snuggling up, and never leaving it again.

"I've missed you so much," she said tenderly, watching him in the mirror. "My Kakashi."

That did it.

Kakashi grabbed her head and kissed her fervently, tasting his peppermint toothpaste on her breath, her lips, her tongue. Lust swept over him forcefully now that he was no longer holding back. So much lust. He was already rock-hard.

"I wouldn't mind moving to the bed," she said half laughing when they came apart for air, "I am quite tired."

"I'm sorry," he said chagrined, placing a quick kiss on her forehead, then one on her nose, then another on her lips. If she wanted to just sleep… he would let her, of course. He'd have to sleep on the sofa. Or here, in the bathroom. In a bathtub full of ice cold water.

"Do you know that we have never slept together in a proper bed?" she stated, taking his hand as they walked out of the bathroom. "That Anbu bunkbed of yours doesn't count as one."

"Hm?" he said distractedly, walking faster, pulling her along. "Bed's are overrated."

"Naughty," she giggled, "I'm a very prudish kind of girl."

"Then try not to be too shocked," he said, lifting her up and carrying her to the bedroom at a higher speed. "I'm not going to hold back. I can't."

"Oh god," she breathed, right before he threw her down on the large bed and climbed after her, "you've been holding back so far?"

His hands glided over her body, starting at her neck, down over her breasts, her hips, down her legs, up again, like they couldn't get enough after living in want for so long. He bent down to nibble at the tender skin behind her ear, greedily breathing in this very distinguished Sakura scent, moving his lips to her throat after a bit, feeling her quickened pulse with his tongue. There were buttons on her qipao dress that he opened swiftly, peeling back the fabric to reveal a light grey undergarment. He brushed over her erect nipples lightly with his tongue, making her gasp and moan.

It was the moaning that always undid him.

His mouth came over the first nipple and he sucked hungrily, rolling it between his teeth, stimulating it with his tongue, then going to the other. The musky scent of her arousal hit his sensitive nostrils and his hand went to her mound, pressing down. She began to grind against it, the garment of her trousers growing moist quickly as she quickened her pace.

He longed to taste her.

Shifting his weight, he slipped his hand into her trousers, his thumb brushing over her knob once, twice.

"Ahhhh," she moaned and lifted her hips for more.

"My little minx," he whispered, letting his fingers slide down her wet folds, teasing the opening by rubbing thumb and index finger against it. She lifted her hips again demandingly, at the same time flinging her arms around his neck to pull him down towards her mouth.

He slid his index finger inside her body while letting his tongue dance around hers. It wasn't hard to find the slightly rough area on her front wall and rub it in a circular motion. It only took her ten seconds to reach her first orgasm, soaking the garments for good now.

He pulled his finger out and brought it to his mouth. "Mmmhh," he said and licked her juices off. "Minx nectar. I like it."

Kakashi watched her flushed face for any sign of displeasure at his crude joke, but all he saw was thrilled excitement. He had switched on a dim light upon entering, hoping she wouldn't insist on making love in the dark anymore. He wanted to see her, catch every nuance of her expression, drink in her unspoilt beauty.

"Then we're officially no longer just colleagues?" she asked huskily.

"Let's re-evaluate tomorrow," he said, his eyes narrowing, "we agreed we'd we pretend this is not problematic, at least for one night, remember?"

"Make sure it's all night then," she said, "make it count."

###

Her body was on fire.

Greedily, she wanted more of everything, from how Kakashi knew how to touch, kiss and lick parts of her she hadn't even known she wanted to have touched, to the spellbound adoration he saw in his eyes when he looked at her. She needed it to forget that nothing about their status was resolved, that she would have to make a difficult decision to protect Sakura, that in the morning, they would face a harsh reality full of danger.

"You are so beautiful," he breathed when she caught her breath, his eyes gliding over her naked body like he had never seen anything more desirable.

"You're not so bad yourself," she answered, shuddering with want, taking in the sculpted perfection of his body, only made a thousand times more interesting by the new scar on his stomach, taking in the sight of his strutting readiness though she found it difficult not to giggle nervously like a young, inexperienced girl.

Bravely, she reached for it and closed her hand around the warm, firm shaft. There was moisture glistening at the top and she bent forward to lick it off, feeling lightheaded and daring, finding the taste interesting and thrilling.

"Teach me," she said, looking up at him, "how to pleasure you."

"You want to play with your poor, old Sensei?" he said. His pupils were enlarged, like those of a predator on the hunt, where instincts ruled and there was no reason - and if she had not been needy beyond words, she might have been afraid a little of losing reason herself. But… she trusted him. She was entirely safe with him because she knew that his instinct was to protect her.

"Yes, be my Sensei," she purred, putting her lips over his tip, flicking it with her tongue, then letting it glide into her mouth.

"That's how it's done, no Sensei needed," he groaned when she began sucking and moving her head up and down.

After a while he took her hand and placed it on his balls, which she understood as request to give them some attention. She explored their texture and dimensions, massaged them lightly, spending some time on the fine line between them, feeling him grow even larger, mmhh, he liked this. She let her hand wander a little, listening to his quickened breathing, the throaty groans… she had once read that some men like it when you touched their buttholes… and more, but … that was too daring. She retracted her hand and spend some time on his perineum instead. Kakashi grabbed her hair at one stage and she sucked more deeply until he felt him contract in her mouth as he found his release with a drawn-out moan.

Very satisfied with her new skills, she swallowed all of the sticky, salty liquid and looked up at him. He was extremely cute with his red ears and flushed cheeks, his chest heaving, his eyes half-closed. And more, he was still hard in her mouth and instantly grew even harder when she moved her lips again.

He growled, grabbed her by the shoulders and threw her onto her back.

"Open your legs," he demanded.

"What are you…"

But he had already pulled them apart, his tongue moving in and out of her until she couldn't help but moan so loudly she thought an Anbu guard might come, then took to licking her knob while his fingers penetrated her almost roughly. She rocked her hips against his hand and came very hard, once, twice, a third time. And of course, he wasn't too shy to move one hand to her butt, stimulating her there as well, first teasing the rim, then using her juices for lube to insert a finger. It was almost too much.

"So you like that?" he chuckled when she had come so hard she thought she might blank out.

Sakura had her eyes closed, she wasn't sure she could open them just yet. Her limbs were shaking.

"Tired?" he whispered. "Already?"

"Very," she said, "please do all the work."

She pulled at his hair to have him move up and over her, loving the feel of his warm skin on hers, his erection positioning itself quite naturally at her opening. His hands cupped her breasts, kneaded them with fervor, his thumbs brushing over her over-sensitive nipples, sending ripples down her nerves to her already burning core. He moved his hips slightly, rubbing his length up and down her glistening wetness until she wanted to scream from her need to feel him inside of her.

"Enter me already," she demanded impatiently, "I'm done with the foreplay, please."

"Did you say please?" he asked and bit her lightly into her earlobe. "Say it again, it turns me on big time."

"Who's the minx now?" she grabbed his hair, looking him deep in the eyes, "but here we go. Please. Please, I need this so much, Kakashi, please fuck me like you've never fucked me before."

Never before had she said such crude words to a man, it was such a turn on, quite obviously for him too. With a grunt, he thrust into her, finding her hole all too willing. She almost came just from the feeling of his rock hard member entering the space reserved for it.

"Ah," she moaned, "deeper."

He grabbed her hips and pulled, changing the angle, sliding in deeper. She whimpered in ecstasy as he began to move in and out of her with forceful strokes, putting his thumb back on her clit to stimulate her more.

"Like this?" he asked.

"Goddamn, yes, yes!" she shouted, her pleasure building and building, but he wouldn't let her come this time, as if he felt exactly how far along she was, he stopped when she almost orgasmed, only letting her get a few, shallow tremors before starting again, and again stopping before she could reach her peak.

"Want to say please again?" he asked.

"Please," she squealed, "please let me come!"

And he did. The orgasm was the strongest she had had so far, making her whole body shake for what felt forever, finding it hard to breathe normally afterwards. He waited a little before he began moving again.

"More?" he whispered into her ear, "or have you had enough."

"Never," she replied, "you know how hard it was to live without this?"

"No other men in that foreign country willing? I find that hard to believe."

"Kakashi!" she was appalled. "I was much too busy, besides…"

"Mhhh, say it," he panted at her ear.

"I didn't want anyone else," she said. It was the truth.

"Why?"

"Because…," her pleasure began building again already, even though he was hardly moving, "because there is nobody like you in the whole wide world."

"Men are all the same," he claimed, "we all have the same equipment, you should have tried out a few others."

"Wouldn't that make you jealous?" she pouted.

"Insanely so," he said, "thanks for pining after me alone."

"It's okay if you… I mean… as a man..."

"Like you would ever forgive me that," he laughed, beginning to move a little faster, "I was much too busy to start looking for another woman…"

Catching her unhappy face, he grinned. "... and much to preoccupied with pining after you for eight very long months. Don't do it again, please, it's very unhealthy. Or at least leave me some naked pictures of you next time."

"Oh, you…!" she hit him lightly and he put his lips onto hers for sensual kissing before he flipped her over so that she could sit on him. She began to make circular movements with her hips, which he clearly liked, letting her dictate the rhythm and depth of his strokes.

It was another while and several orgasms later when her eyes were no longer staying open, her whole body shaking from exhaustion and feeling like it was made of jelly.

"You need to sleep," Kakashi remarked.

"Yes," she murmured, hugging his shoulders, "you too, no need to hold back any longer."

"Oh, good," he breathed, "I'm so very tired."

He began moving faster again, his lips parting as his panting increased. She loved the sound of his excitement, the gradual speed up before his release.

But then, her brain suddenly began working again.

"OH SHIT. Stop. Stop, I'm not on birth control anymore, stop, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!"

It took a second or more for Kakashi to register what she was saying, but he managed to pull out just in time, his hot semen gushing out onto her stomach and breasts.

"Shit," he panted, looking askance at the mess, "I'm sorry."

"No, it's my fault," she said tearfully "I should have remembered, how can I be so stupid? I ruined everything."

"No, I should have asked," he said, grabbing tissues from the nightstand to clean her. "I'm very sorry, I was a bit… dammit, you made it hard for me to think straight."

Then he pulled her head towards his and kissed her until she was entirely breathless.

"You ruined nothing. You were… phenomenal. And I guess I have to go buy condoms tomorrow," he murmured, "watch this become the village tittle-tattle," he added, stroking her hair.

"I wouldn't mind too much," she said sleepily, thinking she should get up to clean herself before falling asleep, yet finding herself much too warm and comfortable.

"I'll make up a story, I'm good at that," he chuckled, getting up to switch off the light. "I will tell them I'm buying them for Naruto."

"No," she said. "I mean a baby."

He sucked in a sharp breath.

"My ovulation is more than a week away," she mumbled, "it wasn't even that risky."

She couldn't keep her eyes open, even though she tried. "Is it morning yet?" she whispered.

"No," he whispered back, settling in beside her, pulling her close. "We're not back to reality yet. And that's why I will allow myself to feel happier than I have ever felt in my life because of what you have just said."