Drowning in Freedom

Chapter 20: A Flowering Moon

eunioapaint: Damn Straight!

PrismRootStarlight: Haha you may want to prepare yourself with some more tissues, it isn't as emotional as a few chapters from now... but a few things may be emotionally charged. Haha I am sorry that this story always makes you cry lol, but i guess that it is a good thing it makes you so emotional. However, I think you will be pleasantly surprised by what this chapter has in store for you.

LadyAmazon: Yeet! Papa Hatake is here!

DaddysLiitleGirl: Yep it is! Now... the real question is... how emotional will this scene and conversation be with Amaya and Kakashi's father?

moonlight: I am happy to hear that my writing is able to emit such emotions and imagery from them. It makes me happy to hear that I am doing a decent job at writing this and giving Kakashi a story that he deserves. I am excited what you think of this next chapter... and what Sakumo has to say to Amaya. I think you will be pleasantly surprised.

Amaya wanted to turnaround and go back into the darkness that she just emerged from, but there was something telling her that voice that belonged to the man sitting down didn't mean her any harm. The voice was warm and comforting and sensing no malice or ill-will coming from him, she took him up on his request for her to sit down next to him. She was careful when she sat down, not fully trusting him. In her line of work, it was always good to be a little bit wary when introductions happened. Neither of the two spoke, and instead, watched the flames of the fire flick back and forth, until Amaya broke the silence.

"I don't think I have a story, and if I did, why would I tell a stranger mine?"

The man chuckled, "I can see why my son fancies you so much."

The line made Amaya give the man a look of confusion, however, it did make her look at him. Really look at him and take in all of his attributes. Pure white hair with some gray specks by his side burns, giving away the man's age. It was the same color as Kakashi's, but it was longer, pulled back in a ponytail so it wouldn't get in the way. He also wore a red and white bandana tied to his arm, with the typical Konoha shinobi vest, pants, and shoes. But no, Amaya had no doubt in her mind who this man was. He wasn't a stranger, even if she hadn't ever met him before. She had heard enough stories about him to feel like she had already met him.

"Sakumo?"

"Yes?" The man slightly smiled at the blue-haired kunoichi.

"You're Sakumo Hatake, the white fang of Konoha?" Amaya spoke with a sense of delight and curiosity towards the man.

"That is my name child, don't wear it out. But, my name hasn't been said like that in a long, long time."

"What do you mean, sir?"

Sakumo gave her a face at the formalities that Amaya was using but answered her question regardless.

"As if you said my name in a way that wasn't filled with malice."

The kunoichi honestly didn't have anything to say back to the man in reply. She didn't know what to say, really. She could relate by how the village people seem to turn their backs but since she had basically been in isolation all of this time, she was saved by the comments that were made about her. Taking a deep breath, reality had finally started to set in as she sat there, next to Kakashi's father.

"I'm dead, aren't I?"

Sakumo's smile faltered and that was all that Amaya needed to know that what she feared was true. At least it wasn't as painful as she thought it would be and it seemed that she had landed herself in a purgatory of some sort. Maybe the world really couldn't figure out what to do with her after all. This must mean that she neither wasn't bad enough to go to the fiery pits of hell, and not good enough to go the white clouds of heaven. Amaya shifted on the log, and Sakumo took it as Amaya was trying to leave, so he spoke, trying to halt her advancements.

"I honestly don't know what this place is. The only other person I have seen is you. Time flows differently here than anywhere else. I know that I had passed on, I made sure of that… but I regretted what I did. Now, I feel like I have some unfinished business I need to talk about with my son. So, that is the reason why I think I am here."

"What is that business, that is, if you don't mind me asking?"

"For starters, I want to apologize to my son. I know that Kakashi never truly forgave me for taking my own life and leaving him alone in this world, but I need to tell them that I am sorry for all the pain I have caused him even if he doesn't want to hear it."

Amaya looked down at her hands and started to pick at her cuticles, drawing out some of her anxious personality.

"I know Kakashi will forgive you, Sakumo."

Kakashi's father didn't say anything in response and Amaya figured it was due to him not believing that she was right. Believing that Kakashi would forgive him.

"So, why is it that I am seeing you here, and not one of my parents. I mean it is nice to meet you and everything but—"

"But you feel as if you have let them down or you have something else to say to them?"

Amaya nodded her head and looked up at Sakumo as if he had the answers she was trying to get.

"I can't speak for them, Amaya, but maybe I can say this. Maybe when they passed away, they weren't filled with regret."

Amaya nodded her head and wiped quickly under her eyes thinking back to the last night with her parents. They fought like hell for her that night and maybe that was why they didn't have any regrets, because they fought hard and long to protect their only child. They didn't have anything left unresolved and it was time that Amaya started to move on. She was just a child and that night was out of her control. She couldn't have known anything like that would have happened.

"Then by that logic, Sakumo, why am I here?"

"What do you regret the most then?"

Amaya thought back about it but didn't want to acknowledge what it was.

"Nothing really, I resolved everything in the world of the living."

"If it had been, then why do you always seem so sad when you talk about my son?"

Instead of answering it, dodging the question entirely, she pushed the conversation back towards Sakumo.

"How do you know so much about me?"

He let it slide that Amaya didn't answer him and played along with her diversion.

"Whenever my son goes to the tomb of the unmarked soldier, he would lose his train of thought in prayer and he would end up having one-sided conversations with me. I first noticed that he started to talk about you when you fainted some night and he helped the hokage bring you back from being poisoned. You annoyed him that night, or maybe it was his own memory that annoyed him for not being able to place the name and face together. From that moment, most of his conversations turned into being ones that were about you."

Amaya couldn't help the small smile that found her lips when Sakumo told her that Kakashi would try and talk to his father about her and she didn't hid it from him either. Sakumo didn't say anything about it, and instead he used a long stick next to him to tend to the fire, causing some of the logs to shift sending embers into the air.

"You know how I knew that you were important in his life?"

Amaya shook her head no, but Sakumo had her full attention.

"He had never spoken about girls with me before. Typically he was just mad at me, but when you came along, there was a shift with how he spoke about you, and how he told me all the small details about you. You were and are the first girl Kakashi has ever spoke to me about."

The kunoichi swallowed, clearly at a loss for words, and she ended up just staring at the fire for a brief moment, before whispering under her breath, hoping the man next to her could hear her. She didn't want to admit it to herself, but he had been right.

"There may be some unfinished business I have left with your son, but, even if I have the ability to get back to the world of the living, there really wouldn't be a reason to."

"Why do you say that, child?"

"Kakashi still hates me and a fight against the Akatsuki to protect Konoha didn't change that fact."

Sakumo leaned back and placed his hand on his him, letting his thoughts air in the back of his mind before responding to the kunoichi.

"Do you know what I did to make the village turn on me?"

Amaya furrowed her eyebrows, wondering where the old man was going with this. She nodded her head and then Sakumo started to tell his own story.

"Five years before I took my own life, I led a small group on a mission deep into enemy lines. It went horribly wrong and I had a decision to make, one that would forever haunt me. It was to either finish the mission or rescue those who I led into the fight. I chose the latter. I was vilified and even those that I rescued turned against me. I don't forgive myself for taking my own life and leaving my son alone, but if I had to do it all again I would. It was the right thing to do and I know that if I didn't save those that I cared about, I wouldn't have been able to live with myself. I just wasn't strong enough to take the societal pressure that came with change."

"I understand that, but my situation, it isn't all black and white. It is mostly gray. This isn't a case of choosing between right and wrong—"

"I disagree," Sakumo interjects, cutting Amaya off before her words began to spiral, "I is as simple as right or wrong. Whatever propels you to protect your loved ones, right then and there, that is a choice between right and wrong, a personal choice that you had made, and you chose to protect everyone in the village, and my son."

"It can't be that easy. I did things in my life that one can never be forgiven for."

"Time heals all wounds; Amaya and you are missing the most important thing."

"Which is?"

"All of that stuff that you did, that stuff is in your past. There is nothing you can do to change it and I know it is easier said than done, but you need to move forward and start looking in front of you, instead of behind you. I may not know the details of what happened with you and my son, or exactly why you are here with me now. But I am certain of one thing."

"How are you so sure of all of this?" Amaya asked skeptically.

Sakumo laughed, "I guess you will just have to have faith in an old man's words if you don't believe me."

"If I may point out something though?"

Amaya spoke, knowing that whatever the man said was going to be important for her to listen to.

"Yes, of course."

"You need to let others help you more."

"I don't need to burden people with such things."

"Who has ever said, from those that love you, your friends especially, that helping you was a burden?"

Amaya shrugged her shoulders and started to wrap her arms around herself, declining to answer. Sighing, Sakumo looked at the fire and tried to give Amaya some advice.

"I want you to know that it is okay to ask for help. That it is okay to let someone take care of you. It isn't a burden or a liability for you to rely on others. That is why we have relationships with others filled with love and trust, so those people can help us when we think everything else is lost. As long as humans still have each other, there really isn't anything that can keep us down, Amaya. Everything else besides that simply isn't that important."

The kunoichi bit down on her tongue, refusing to say the words that she really wanted to. If she started to rely on others, she would be the reason why they would get killed. However, she knew that there was no time like the present, and really, at this point, what else did she have to lose? She was already dead.

"How can I let myself trust someone enough to help me, take care of me, when I betrayed everyone that I have ever loved?" Amaya asked, rephrasing the harsh words that were on her tongue to something that was more palatable to speak of, all while holding the same meaning as those words that she wanted to rush out.

Sakumo stills and turns his head to find Amaya's eyes.

"You bare your heart and soul to them, and wait if they can do the same. It may take a while, but most will come around. Amaya they loved you as their friend once, and they have it in their heart to love you again. You just need to realize that you need to do the same. You must give, in order to receive."

That was when, against all odds, that Amaya's skin started to glow, as a white light started to wash over her body.

"It looks like it isn't your time after all, Amaya," Sakumo smiled.

Amaya looked around, turning her hands over, not believing what she was seeing, "This isn't possible…"

"It looks like the world of the living isn't ready for you to leave yet. It looks like you still have something left to do my child."

Amaya gave the man a soft smile, enjoying her conversation with him. It was what she needed. He was right, she had to move on from her past, and she needed to give her trust to others in order to receive it back. It was okay to ask for help, and if she woke up back in the world of the living, she was going to take Sakumo's words to heart. However, as she started to fade, her body becoming transparent, Amaya looked alarmed as realization dawned on her face.

"Sakumo!?"

"Yes child?"

"What was the thing you were so sure of? That you were certain of?"

Sakumo tips his head towards Amaya and extends his hand out. Amaya took it and he squeezed hers. His next words being the last ones that were muttered before Amaya faded away.

"My son will always forgive you."

Without thinking about it, Amaya walked over and gave Sakumo a hug before she faded away, leaving Sakumo only with the pressure of her hug on his chest. And, for the first time in a long time, he smiled knowing that his son was going to be okay. That Kakashi would be finally happy again.

Tsunade was in the hospital room checking on Amaya's vitals that night. There had been little to no change in the month that she was here. Her body had slowly started to heal, and the deep colored bruises were now starting to turn green and yellow. Her stiches had finally come out and when she was confident that Amaya could breath on her own without injuring her heart further, they took her off the ventilator. It was a trying time, hoping and praying that Amaya was able to breath on her own, and when she took that gasp of deep air, unconsciously coughing, Tsunade knew that her body had been healing nicely.

However, through the entire month, Amaya never made any indication that she would ever be waking up again. Tsunade and the hospital staff monitored her brain waves and she wasn't declared brain dead, even with Ino pumping her heart and breathing for the kunoichi when she was first brought here. It honestly was a miracle that Amaya was able to make it this far, but still even with plenty of brain activity and a body that was slowly healing, Amaya still wasn't waking up. That wasn't the only thing that Tsunade was worried about. In fact, a part of her was worried more about the man that sat next to Amaya every day and night for the entire time she was here.

Kakashi never left her side. All day and all night he would sit in the chair next to her bed, looking at her, silently praying to whoever would listen that she would wake up again. Very rarely would the man move and it was even rarer to see him go home for an hour or two. Usually, the only time he would it was because Tsunade had threatened him to the point where he wouldn't be allowed back into the hospital room unless he went to go shower, change his clothes, eat a decent meal, and get some sleep.

Granted, with the clear and true heavy dark bags that were under his eyes, Tsunade knew that he wasn't sleeping. She didn't blame him either. While Amaya was in here trying to recover, it was stressful to Kakashi to see Amaya go through and heal from so much pain that she had been dealt. Not only that, but Kakashi didn't even seem to mind that at night he would have his mask off, the nurses noticing when they did their final rounds for the night, taking vital signs before letting most of the patients rest. No one said anything to the man, even if he was an attractive face. Tsunade had sworn the nurses to secrecy, and she trusted them not to tell anyone out of respect for what he was going through.

Nevertheless, she was here tonight, making her rounds on the patients here in intensive care. She tried to check on Amaya daily, but most of the time, she could only do that late into the night when all the paperwork was done. No one told her how much work being the hokage really was, but for the last month, she was sure to work diligently, not giving crap to Shizune, knowing that there were more important things to check on. For the entire time that Tsunade was in the room, Kakashi never spoke to her. He knew that she was just checking on her friend, but still, as the hokage, Kakashi knew that she couldn't air all of her dirty laundry in front of the two of them, even if one party was still unconscious.

Kakashi never stopped looking at Amaya's pale face, even when Tsunade quietly left the room. He could hear the muffled tones of Shizune and Tsunade talking outside the door, trying to keep their voices to a whisper, as to not disturb anyone. That still didn't stop Kakashi from being able to hear their conversation.

"Has there been any change in her vitals?" Shizune asked her standard nightly question about Amaya.

Tsunade mumbled, "No," and Shizune knew that the blonde didn't want to talk about it, so she led Tsunade down the hall to the other patients that they had to check up on that night.

Moonlight faded into the hospital room and Kakashi moved his chair closer to Amaya's bed listening to the footsteps out in the hall fade away, letting him be alone with Amaya once again. Kakashi picked up Amaya's hand in his own, and he bowed his torso over, placing his forehead on their conjoined hands. A light spring time breeze filtered in through the screen in the window as it was propped open to make the room seem less stuffy than it already was. The two white flowers that were on the night stand next to Amaya swayed in the small vase that they were in. One flower was from Sakura, and the other was from Ino, both claiming that this type of flower inspired healing. Kakashi didn't know if it would help, but he figured that if he could place his faith into the little things, maybe it would all amount together.

Kakashi felt his eyes start to water as he rubbed his thumb over the back of Amaya's soft hands. Even after all the fights she had been through, her skin was still soft to him. He gritted his teeth and started to plead for Amaya to wake up. This being a normal nightly occurrence for the white-haired man, when the two of them were really alone, he could try and let his real emotions shine through. With every word he muttered, he hoped that the kunoichi would be able to hear him That his words would somehow give her the strength to wake up again.

"Amaya, I promise, I promise to you that I will take care of you, to always keep you close and make sure that nothing more happens to you. I know that we have both made promises to each other before, but this time, I treuly intend to keep mine. I can't tell you that we won't fight that we won't go through some things together, that you may still hate me especially for what I said to you before you left. However, I have to fight for you, I have to fight for us. I will never give up on you. I love you, please, I need you to wake up. Just, please, please come back, I—"

Kakashi's words were cut off when he felt the slightest about of pressure against his hand, as if the small hand he was holding was trying to squeeze his own for comfort and reassurance. Kakashi quickly raised his head, his wet eyes reflecting the moon's light. His watery eyes started to focus and when they did, he was met with eyes that looked like they were as blue as the ocean.