Drowning in Freedom

Chapter 22: Changing of the Tides

A/N: I know that I have been away for a while, and as my readers, you all know that unless something crazy is going on, I try to update each week. However, I can't give work as my excuse this time around, because yes, I am still working my crazy hours and I am done studying for my GRE, however, some news touched my family a few weeks ago that was devastating to me. My father was diagnosed with cancer. We have always been closed, but even if we weren't, he is still my dad. I took the time off that I needed from this to make sure that I could adequately process what was happening in my life alongside giving you the story and ending that this fic deserves. So, if you are still here with me, please bear with me if I drop off for a couple of weeks. Granted, and on a brighter note, I am going to try and write more than one chapter this weekend because I have time off. I may or may not follow through with such a notion, but, at least the thought is there. If the writing doesn't happen, then the outlining most definitely will, and it will be outlined to the point of completion. Thank you all as you have continued with Amaya's journey with me and I can't wait for the crazy ride we have left in nearing the last arc of this story. Also, I have made up my mind, when we reach the last chapter of this story, I will be creating a Gaara x OC fic, but, more details on that later.

PrismRootStarlight: Hahah yeah I figured people would be mad with the moment being ruined but understanding once they realized that it was Tsunade barging in on it. Hahahah yeah the awkwardness is going to get intense so be prepared! Also, don't worry... Danzo will get his due justice... may not be how you think... but he will get it. Thank you for the compliment, i really do appreciate it. I have always hated Danzo in the series (I thought he was a creep from the moment I saw him) and I figured I could twist his character into having more of a leading role, and as you pointed out, a way for Amaya to grow. Not only that, but in my opinion, he does make a really good, long-term bad guy :P

moonlight46: Heheh I am glad that you enjoyed the last chapter and to what Shikamaru had to say... stay tuned. A lot of character growth from Amaya last chapter, and as you so well put, telling Danzo to f-off LOL.

Kyuu: I am so happy that you have enjoyed this story! Yes, I know that some of the people were OOC but then again, sometimes it is hard for OC stories to not have that. Does that make sense? Anyway, I am happy to hear that you decided to keep reading on and that I didn't mess up my job too much (plus I am happy that the lack of editing didn't turn you away either LOL)! Wow that is high praise that you gave me, and I really do appreciate it, and also the fact that I was able to rope you in to the point that you had to take a break. Thank you for your kind words and I hope you continue on with Amaya's and Kakashi's story... because the roller coaster hasn't ended yet!

"Amaya, are you sure you want to do this? There are other options—"

Amaya paused and chuckled, "Tsunade-sama, as much as I know you want to keep me here, I honestly think that it is best that I get away from this sterile hospital room."

"I know that you want to leave but are you sure that this is the right decision? I still think that you should rest here longer."

"I'll be fine. You wouldn't have discharged me if I wasn't."

"Still, I don't want you to be under stress. Your heart and body are both healing. Both literally and figuratively."

The kunoichi just rolled her eyes at the blonde and continued to pack up her minimal number of things that she had in the room.

"You did say that I should live with someone as I recuperate."

"Well, I thought you were going to go live with Anko or Kurenai… or even with me if I am terribly honest."

"Kurenai is pregnant and still processing the loss of Asuma. Anko is still all about the party scene and I doubt that would be the last thing I needed to deal with when it came to my recovery."

"And me?"

Amaya just gave Tsunade a look, the reason being simple and clear. Tsunade was the hokage, it wouldn't be proper for Amaya to come live with her, even if they were friends. Amaya was still listed in the bingo book and she didn't want anyone looking down on Tsunade for inviting Amaya into her house.

"Are you sure it is a good idea to move there with him."

"It will work itself out, that, I am sure of," Amaya said, finishing her thought and hopefully this conversation.

She zipped up her bag and sighed, turning to Tsunade, knowing full well that even if she thought that the conversation was over, it didn't mean that Tsunade did.

"Don't forget that you are still off duty, that you will not partake in any missions, and don't even think about training right now. Don't put unnecessary stress on your body; again, your heart is still very much in its healing stages."

"I know, I know. Now stop worrying. If you keep treating me like this, I am going to start calling you mom."

"I honestly don't know how you are so lighthearted about this…"

"Are you trying to make a pun here?"

Tsunade stilled and thought about what she just said and shook her head at herself, giving up a small smile.

"No, I wasn't going for that, but I am happy that at least one of us is relaxed about this whole thing."

"I'm not relaxed, but I am glad that I can portray it well enough. I'm actually quite stressed out about everything, but at the same time, I don't feel worried about it. If you worry, you end up suffering twice."

"And here I thought that I was the one who was supposed to be all philosophical since I'm the hokage, not you."

"I mean I only had to die to get a new, more positive outlook on life."

"Don't joke about that," Tsunade muttered glaring at Amaya.

Amaya raised her hands and laughed.

"Too soon?"

However, before Tsunade could reply, there was a knock on the sliding door before it was pushed open only to reveal Kakashi stepping into the room. His mask was pulled up into its usual spot and his head band was slightly over his eye. Granted, it seemed as if his once heavy bags that laid just under his eyes were lighter and he looked refreshed. Almost as if he recently showered and shaved. He stood in the doorway and glanced at the floor, away from the two women as it seemed his nerves were getting to him. Amaya could tell because he was starting to scratch the back of his neck.

"I uhh, don't mean to rush you, but you ready to go?"

"As ready as I will ever be," Amaya said, humor laced in her voice.

She was trying to be light and upbeat, knowing that the other two were feeling the stress for her. Amaya gave Tsunade a parting hug, and when they broke apart, the kunoichi slung her bag over her shoulder. Tsunade's eyes widened and Amaya knew that the blonde wanted to say something. She could tell that it made her friend uneasy. Just as Amaya was about to take a step forward with the bag, Sakumo's voice rang out n her thoughts: Don't be afraid to as for help.

So, instead of walking away with the bag, acting as if she was fine even though she was still healing, Amaya took the bag off of her shoulder, giving it to Tsunade to hold. Tsuande looked surprised, realization dawning on her, noting that Amaya wasn't the same person anymore. However, never was Tsunade or anyone else in this room. Time brings change, both good and bad. Tsunade nodded her head at the action after the surprise faded, and in turn she didn't say anything, enjoying the feeling that her friend trusted her enough to help. Even after everything that happened. Then, Tsunade outstretched her arm, holding the straps of the bag in her hand as if they smelled foul or as if it offended her somehow.

"If you aren't going to be nice or be a gentleman towards her, I am going to rethink this whole plan of allowing her to recover at the Hatake manner."

Kakashi winced, but he still stepped forward and slung the bag over his shoulder, brushing up against Amaya as he approached the two women. He adjusted the bag, and then looked at Amaya, letting her make the final decision as to when they were going to leave. She just tilted her head to the door, not saying anything more. The two took it slow exiting the hospital. In contrast, it didn't dawn on Amaya until they were in the hallway passing a clock that ticked away on the wall. Kakashi wasn't late, but even more crazy was that he wasn't even on time. Kakashi was early. He was early picking her up from the hospital. Maybe she really wasn't the only one who had turned over a new leaf.

Amaya took a deep breath. That was the first thing that she did when Kakashi opened the front door and led her inside. He let her take her time, adjusting to her new surroundings. She looked around and there were a few things that stuck out to her since the last time she was here. The place looked older and dustier, almost as if it wasn't maintained as well, or that its tenants just gave up and didn't care about it anymore. After a few moments, Amaya just looked at Kakashi and he shifted, the awkwardness starting to come as it set in that it was just them in the house.

"I was able to bring some of your stuff here, I put it in a room in the back, you wanna go look?"

Amaya didn't respond with nothing more than a nod of the head. Kakashi led the way down the hall, even though Amaya knew where she was going, at least for the most part. She had heard from Kakashi that her old apartment complex, in the time that she was in the hospital was going to be knocked down for more suitable housing. Yamato had his lease broken that he took on, and his place was too small to take in Amaya's stuff, so somehow Kakashi was able to, in the time that she was unconscious, persuade Tsunade to keep her stuff with his. As they walked down the hall, at the end of it, Kakashi paused in front of a room that Amaya never bothered to investigate. Really, the only rooms that she really knew were Kakashi's and the kitchen.

Kakashi opened the door and stepped inside, placing Amaya's overnight bag onto her bed. He took a step to the side, giving a more open impression of the room at hand. Amaya looked around the room, stepping in and taking a deep breath. Honest to his word he tried to get as much stuff from her old apartment complex as he could into this guest room. Her kitchen stuff and the rest of her furniture was gone, but her old clothes, bedroom set, and other assortment of books and knick knacks filled the room. It was also set up, most likely by memory, as to how it was when she was living alone in her apartment—that is, before she left.

"Thank you for getting my stuff."

Kakashi nodded his head in reply, awkwardness again setting in between the two of them. Amaya knew that they would eventually have to talk about the elephant in the room: their relationship. However, for right now, she didn't mind the silence that fell between the two of them; it meant that they weren't fighting.

"I figured that I would have gotten evicted from that place eventually," Amaya sighed, and moved across the room to her bed.

When she paused, she let her fingers linger on the light blue bedspread that matched her hair. The bed was smaller than her old one, but her same bedspread was on this new frame. It gave her a sense of home, that this was her space away from the world. Just as if she was a dog that had established a den. This was her area to relax and be alone, and she appreciated Kakashi's attempt to make her as comfortable here as possible.

"Thank you," Amaya spoke again, clearly referring to the fact that Kakashi was able to give her a space all of her own.

The thought came through, or at least that is what Amaya thought, when the white-haired man standing next to her whispered, in the same tone she did, "You're welcome."

"Granted," Kakashi started, "I am not the only one who should take credit in obtaining your things. Yamato did help," Kakashi coughed, his voice coming into its normal range again.

"I guess that when I see him next, I will have to thank him."

The two shinobi shuffled their feet and the kunoichi shifted her weight as the shinobi scratched the back of his neck.

"Anyway, I'll be around if you need anything. Don't hesitate to ask. I am assuming you know where most of everything is, nothing has changed since…"

Kakashi let his words trail off as Amaya gave him a look of acknowledgement. He nodded and true to his word, he left Amaya to adjust to her new surroundings. Amaya looked around, and took a seat on her bed, shifting herself so she could look out of the window. This domesticated feeling was one that she hadn't felt in a long time. She couldn't speak for Kakashi but she knew that he probably felt the same. It had been a while since the two of them could be in the same room without fighting. Now, they just observe the other in this new, not even friendship, acquaintanceship. Nevertheless, Amaya wasn't a fool. She knew that nothing had been fixed overnight when she woke up, or the following days leading up to the point that she was at now. Laying back on the bed, Amaya turned her face to the open window, letting the light breeze play against the small tendrils of hair that were on her face as the sun that seeped in warmed her skin. Her time alone didn't last long. That was when she heard the distinctive tap of nails hitting the floor, only to pause in the entryway to the room.

"Are you living here now?" Pakkun asked in a gruff voice, heavier than his normal, smokier sounding one.

Amaya shifted and sat up, her messy long hair getting in the way. She pushed it out of her face, and sat on her bed, her legs dangling off the side as she faced the pug.

"For the time being at least."

"…"

"What?" Amaya asked, not implying any malice behind the words.

"Nothing," Pakkun immediately shut down the question.

"Pakkun, I have known you since you were a puppy. Pakkun, I know you have something to say, that it isn't 'nothing'."

"It's… I am happy you are here, okay? I shouldn't be. I should be mad, but I am not."

Amaya swallowed as she could see the pain the pug's face. He didn't want to get close to her again because he didn't want to watch her leave him behind again.

"I know that there is nothing that I can do to replace the time that I wasn't here," Amaya spoke, picking at her cuticles as she looked away from the dog, "but I truly am sorry that I left you here. I hope you know that you didn't have anything to do with the reason why I left. You were the best partner I ever had. It isn't an excuse, but I wanted to keep you safe. Not only from the dangers that I had to safe, but also from me. I was in a dark, dark place and I didn't want to subject you to that."

"You could have asked for help… why do you insist in doing everything yourself?"

Amaya gave him a soft smile, "I don't know why I tend to take on all this pressure, make everything my problem to handle and deal with. I can't promise that it will be soon, but I am going to work on asking for help. I realized that it isn't a weakness, but really a strength to rely on others in a time of need."

"Good," was Pakkuns short, but simple and sweet response to the kunoichi's words of self-improvement.

There really wasn't much left to say, so Amaya pushed herself off of the bed and approached the pug. He stayed where he was, and she crouched down, offering a hand out for the dog to sniff. He did so, just as when they first met when they were both children. Pakkun let out a breath it seemed that he had been holding as he nuzzled Amaya's hand. She let her hand run down the back of the pug's fur, petting him. His eyes closed, and he started to relax with Amaya's touch.

"I hope one day you can forgive me for leaving you."

Pakkun didn't say anything for a while, just taking comfort in the soothing strokes against his fur.

"In my eyes, you already have been forgiven the moment that you decided to come back home."

Amaya stilled, and Pakkun opened his dazed eyes, almost looking at Amaya in a way as if he was asking her why she was stopping. A smile crept onto her face and she started to pet the pug agai.

"If only it was as easy to receive forgiveness for my sins as you seem to have done."

Pakkun snorted and she rolled her eyes, not ready to face a lecture from the dog. She stood back up, and again, pushed her hair out of her face. She was starting to get annoyed with it. Glancing around her room, she tried to find something to pull back her hair back, but she had no luck.

"I know that I am no fashion expert, but it may be time for a new look," Pakkun mumbled.

The kunoichi looked at the dog and raised her eyebrows, "That isn't a half bad idea."

Looking through her desk, she wondered if there was still her collection of kunai there. She just needed one, and she was in luck. Kakashi really did keep her items where she had them. She was sure that Tsunade would have taken away all of her weapons, but even still, when she returned her small equipment bag she had strapped to her leg, the hokage had kept her kunai and shuriken in there. Maybe it was because Tsunade knew that Danzo had painted a target on the kunoichi's back, and the hokage was trying to look the other way so that way Amaya had the means to defend herself. Grabbing a small compact mirror from the desk as well, Amaya flipped it open and started to cut away her old strands of hair, feathering the ends. It felt good as strands of hair hit the floor at her feet. Her head felt lighter and it felt as if she was finally putting the past behind her and opening to a new chapter of her life.

Amaya ran a hand through her cropped hair, she double checked the compact mirror, making sure that her hair was cut evenly.

"That looks a lot better," Pakkun yawned from his position in the bed.

"I think so too."

Flipping the compact closed, Amaya played with her hair, letting the lighter strands fall against her face. The new haircut gave her a liberating feeling. Her long hair signaled the journey that she went through to get here, but now, with her hair tamed and her head feeling lighter, a new chapter could begin. She picked up the strands of hair that was on the floor and threw them in the waste basket, knowing that she was ready to brave the world again, that she was done hiding in this room. She wasn't strong enough to train yet, but there were still other things that she could work on. She exited the room and started to head towards the kitchen, hearing Pakkun jump off the bed as he padded behind her. However, before she got to the kitchen, she passed by Kakashi's room. The door was open when she passed by and when she looked in, Kakashi was pacing the room. When the two locked eyes, he looked at her, really looked at her.

"I like it," Kakashi said, the corners of his lips turning up under his mask.

Amaya reached up and touched the shorten, chin-length strands saying a quiet thank you.

"You are missing something."

"Which is?" Amaya asked, curiosity getting the best of her.

"Naruto somehow found this when he was on his way back to the village after Hidan and Kakuzu were taken care of."

Kakashi outstretched his hand and Amaya walked forward, her own outstretched. He let the object fall into Amaya's hands and instantly she knew what it was. It was her old, scratched, beat up head band.

"I probably need a new one of these."

"You could get a new one or wear that one with pride—to show how far you have come."

Amaya nodded her head and agreed with him. She was going to keep her headband and knew exactly how she was going to wear it. Taking a page out of Sakura's book, Amaya pushed her hair out of her face and tied the headband on the top of her head, proudly showing the dirty and scratched up metal. Tucking a few strands of hair behind her ear, Amaya liked that her hair was out of her face. She felt unburdened by it now. Catching Kakashi's eye, it seemed as if he was about to say something, but he never did. Instead, there was a knock on the door. Amaya cocked her head to the side as Kakashi brushed passed her going to go check and see who it was.

"Stay here," was the only think that the white hair nin said to her in passing.

Amaya followed through until she heard two people talking. One, obviously was Kakashi, but the other, she wondered why he was here. She knew that he had something to say to her at the hospital when she first woke up, but now, after all this time, he never came back to tell her what it was. She figured now, he was ready to have a conversation about whatever was on his mind. Amaya stepped out of Kakashi's room and went towards the front door where the two were talking. When Amaya appeared behind Kakashi, who was trying to shoo Shikamaru away, Amaya placed a hand on Kakashi's arm. She nodded her head and invited Shikamaru in, disregarding what Kakashi wanted. She knew that her roommate, for all intensive purposes, wanted Amaya some time to herself, and she appreciated him for that, but she knew that if Shikamaru came all this way, it had to be something important.

Shikamaru hesitantly entered as Kakashi seemed to glare at him in warning. Amaya knew that Kakashi was worried that Shikamaru was going to give her unwanted and unneeded stress, but at the back of her mind, Amaya had an idea as to what this conversation was going to be about. So, she led him to the Garden in the middle of the house. The house had a small, inside, wrap around deck, and she figured that it would be open enough to appease Kakashi but also give herself and Shikamaru the room they needed. Amaya sat down on the deck and Shikamaru sat down next to her. He laced his hands together and Amaya noticed that most of his fingernails were picked away same with the skin and the cuticles. Something was obviously bothering the teen next to her, but the kunoichi wasn't going to pry until he was ready to talk.

"It is good to see you outside of the hospital."

"Thank you, it is nice to be out of there. I can only take so much of fluorescence lights and white walls."

Shikamaru laughed and Amaya gave him a smile.

"You seem happier recently after…"

"After I came back from the world of the dead?"

"I wouldn't have said it like that, but yes."

Amaya licked her lips and tried to find the words to explain her change.

"I guess it is just because I realized that I have the power to make my life into what I want it to be, that no one can make that choice but me. I found my own sense of freedom."

"That is good, just make sure you don't drown in it. Some rules are good."

"Yeah, drowning in freedom don't sound that appealing. Even if I am happier, doesn't mean I won't follow the rules, at least, this time around I will. I don't think the higher deities will be forgiving a third time around."

"I still don't know how, after all you went through with the immortal duo, you made it out alive."

"I have thought about it, and I don't know either. I shouldn't have in all actuality. I wasn't the one I would have picked to survive that fight, and for that, Shikamaru, I will forever, and truly be sorry for your loss."

Shikamaru became rigid and his knuckles turned white, clearly uncomfortable with where the conversation was and talking about his late sensei.

"I know you tried your best. Without you, myself and the others would have had no chance against them. Asuma knew that too."

"Is that why you are here?"

Shikamaru turned his head and Amaya could see the tears gathering on the corner of his eyes. He quickly looked away and wiped under his nose, but she knew that the raw emotions were still there. Shikamaru loved his sensei as if he was a second father. The man had taught Shikamaru most of what he knew and the best thing, Asuma had trained Shikamaru was to use his mind. However, Asuma never taught Shikamaru how to deal with his passing, as if he was going to be around for Shikamaru's whole life. Or, at least longer than what he had been. Shikamaru swallowed hard.

"No, it is… to thank you"

Amaya furrowed her eyebrows in confusion, "For what?"

"For saving my life. For allowing me to come back and fight again. For giving me a chance to pass on the will of fire."

The kunoichi didn't say anything and instead just started rubbing Shikamaru's back as if he was a small child. Shikamaru bet forward and his eyelids were pressed harshly together as the tears started to fall. He turned and without expecting it, he wrapped his arms around Amaya, and at first she was surprised, but returned the hug. All the while, Shikamaru cried into Amaya's shoulder, and she held him, calming him down and rubbing his back in gentle, fluid motions. Her chest felt heavy with emotion and when Kakashi came to check on the two of them, seeing Shikamaru crying and Amaya comforting him, she just shook her head at Kakashi, asking him to not come over here. That this was something that Shikamaru needed, in order to grieve. Amaya knew that she was about to cry herself, but she tried to keep it together as she held Shikamaru.

Inhaling, the teen, with a voice crack and uneven voice spoke, giving Amaya her own push to go over the edge as her own tears started to silently trickle down her face, pulling Shikamaru closer for comfort. She knew that Shikamaru would be carrying around the guilt of his sensei's passing for a while to come and the sadness and pain of a love one that passed never truly goes away. Over time, you just learn to live with it and each day seems to get easier. Time would be the only thing that could heal the type of pain Shikamaru was going through. However, Amaya would never forget this moment, and the final words Shikamaru said to her before her tears dripped into his hair as she held him.

"Most importantly, thank you for allowing me the time to say goodbye."