Drowning in Freedom

Chapter 23: Truth in the Wind

A/N: Wow what kind of animal am I? Two updates not even a day apart!?

PrismRootStarlight: Thank you for your support I appreciate it. However, I am happy that you liked the update! Haha, I figured that I would have to put in that title reference somewhere, do the whole "and thats the story, you can end it here" thing. JK. Oh are you in for a treat if you like Kakashi and Amaya living with each other... just wait... Oh yeah it is a whole arc of getting over things and moving on and I think that both Shikamaru and Amaya needed that shared moment together. I am happy that you are on board with the "official" Gaara fic announcement :) As per usual, I bring you the next installment without further adu...

Amaya sat under a tree basking in the shade. She was just outside Kakashi's house with Pakkun in her lap, her head leaned back, and her eyes closed as she relaxed. She mindlessly stroked the pug as the other ninkin took a nap beside her as well. It had been a solid month since she had moved in, since she and Shikamaru had their conversation. She was finally cleared a few days ago to start up with light training, which brought her to the break that she was taking now. She knew not to push herself, even with disregarding the warnings from both the hokage and Kakashi. Kakashi and herself were still walking on eggshells with each other, even after a month. Neither of them seemed to want to bring up what they really needed to talk about.

It was hard. Something like their relationship, where it is going, how to patch it up, among other things, wasn't an easy one to have. Relationships took work, and Amaya knew that both she and Kakashi were ready and willing to put in that work, however, someone needed to take that first step. That first step of bringing up the past and talking through the mistakes that both of them had made. Amaya just didn't want to bring it up too soon in case Kakashi wasn't ready to hear her side of things and she was sure that he was thinking the same thing.

Mostly, her and Kakashi kept out of each other's way. Never really interacting much more than they needed to. They tried to keep a respectful distance, never wanting to give Tsunade a reason to split them up again. Amaya knew that it was a shallow threat that the hokage would ever follow through on it, but there was still the wild possibility that that could happen—and with all the time that they already were forced to live apart, it was better to live and function like this than any other way. Plus, since Amaya had been feeling better, the hokage had decided to reinstate Kakashi again. So, besides in the mornings for breakfast, and at night for dinner, she hardly ever saw the man given that he was working.

She wanted to help out or do something, but when Tsunade last saw her, to clear her for light training, she had told Amaya that the village, mostly the elders, still hadn't made up their mind as to what they wanted to do about her. Since she was at the Hatake manner, she was out of sight and out of mind for the moment. Which was both a good thing, and a bad one. A good thing because it gave the elders and Tsunade more time to think about the right thing to do. The caveat being, they had more time to think.

"I knocked on the front door, but no one answered. It seemed that I have found where you have been hiding out though."

A feminine voice sounded, breaking the sounds of nature around her. Amaya opened her eyes and felt Pakkun shift in her lap. She let her eyes adjust to the outdoors before the image of the person standing in front of her became clear. Amaya knew that this person meant her no harm, Kakashi did leave her the ninkin for a reason. Blinking, Amaya took in the wavy brunette, as her friend Kurenai carried a basket of what looked to contain some food items. She smiled up at her friend, interested in what she had brought, and letting Pakkun jump off her lap, Amaya dusted herself off and stood up. She outstretched her hand, offering to take the basket.

"You should be careful carrying that around."

Kurenai smirked in reply, "I am pregnant not a cripple nor am I immobile."

"As you get closer to that nine months I am sure you probably will start to feel immobile, that is for sure."

The two women start to laugh, and Amaya gestured to the house, directing the conversation towards the kitchen. The two women walked there exchanging small talk. Kurenai carried her basket, but Amaya was able to open the door without complaint for her friend. With a huff, Kurenai put the basket on the table and sat down. She instinctively placed a hand on her growing stomach, fanning herself from the short walk. Amaya followed suit, being able to move much easier than her friend. Even though she was tired, Amaya wasn't nearly as winded as Kurenai seemed to be. She knew that her friend wasn't at nine months yet, but she was getting closer every day. Plus, without the help of Asuma, Amaya couldn't even begin to imagine what her friend was going through.

However, even with all of this, the thought of food to fill her empty stomach was starting to take hold. Especially since, without Amaya's will, her stomach started to growl in protest stating that it was ready to eat something.

"You can have one right now if you would like," Kurenai said, adjusting herself in the chair to be more comfortable.

Amaya flipped the towel over and the smell hit her nostrils. It was heavenly. Kurenai had baked her some oatmeal cookies, and just the smell alone started to make Amaya's mouth water. So, Amaya took Kurenai up on her offer and decided to help herself to a cookie. The only bad part of it being, that the cookie didn't taste as good as it smelled. Biting into it and chewing it, it took everything in Amaya to not spit it out. It seemed that Kurenai had mistaken the salt for the sugar.

"How is it?" Kurenai asked, honestly curious as to what her friend thought.

"It's pretty good," Amaya said swallowing the piece she had in her mouth but refusing to take another bite.

Kurenai gave the other kunoichi an incredulous look. She obviously didn't believe that Amaya was telling her the truth. Without notice, Kurenai just reached into the basket and took out a cookie. Before Amaya could stop her friend, Kurenai bit into the cookie and immediately spat it out on the table.

"You know, I expect honesty from my friend about my cooking. Not just saying nice things to me in order to suck up and gain brownie points."

"I umm…"

Kurenai broke out in a large smile, showing all her teeth before she started to throw her head back engulfed by a laughing fit. The sounds were contagious, and it took little to no time for Amaya to launch into her own laughing fit.

"You should have seen your face," Amaya said, wiping under her eye as the laughter seemed to make them water.

The two started to giggle now after the comment, but it wasn't nearly as grandiose as before. Finally, the two of them calmed down and Kurenai changed the subject.

"I like what you did with your hair."

Reaching up to touch the strands subconsciously Amaya spoke, "Thanks. It was time for a change."

Kurenai nodded her head, no explanation needed. There was always something to say about a woman changing her hair up. Most of the time people associated it with going through something, and maybe that was what this was. However, it seemed bigger than that. This new style, this new change didn't signal that Amaya was going through something. To her, it showed that she was ready to move on. From all that had visited her, it seemed that everyone knew what was going on, not having to ask about the changes further. Even the men understood what Amaya was trying to achieve with the short haired look. She was newly liberated and she was going to enjoy the freedom she had, for as long as she could.

"I have to ask, with you coming here and visiting me, and in the hospital and everything are we—"

"You don't have to finish that sentence."

"I just, I want to say sorry again, I mean there is nothing that I could do to—"

"Amaya."

"Yes?"

"Stop talking, and stop trying to dig yourself into a hole."

"I'm not trying to. I am just trying to—"

"You are trying to take all the blame, but trust me, you aren't the only one to carry that burden on your shoulders. Nor should you have to do that alone. Amaya the night you came to my place and talked to me and ANko before you left, that was the moment where you were my friend again. I forgave you for everything right then and there. So did Anko. She is more thickheaded than I am, but I know she did. Amaya, you don't have to apologize to me anymore."

Amaya looked away from Kurenai, not trusting her voice not to crack with emotion if she said something right now. She didn't know what she did to deserve the people that she had in her life. For whatever reason, even though she broke their hearts, Amaya was still welcomed back with open arms. This truly was love.

"Plus, with everything that you did for this village and letting Shikamaru say goodbye to Asuma, that is more than what most of us get."

"Kurenai… you have no idea how terribly sorry I am that I couldn't—that I didn't get to Asuma in time and I—"

This time, Kurenai just shook her head, as if to tell Amaya to stop talking and to stop apologizing for things that she had no control over. Or any power to fix. Amaya wanted to say more, but when she opened her mouth, she closed it again, noticing that the wounds of Asuma's passing was still heavily scarred into Kurenai's mind. Again, that is the day that you fear when you are in love with a fellow shinobi. The day that someone comes up and states that the person that was there all this time, that loved you unconditionally, died in the battle field.

"I haven't really told anyone about this, but I just, I think I just need to tell someone and get this off of my chest. The day that I learned that Asuma died, I wasn't heartbroken and sad, that would come much later for me. I just felt angry. I felt so angry, Amaya. I was angry at everyone and everything. I was angry at Asuma's students, I was angry that the reinforcements that Konoha sent weren't fast enough, and I was even angry at you for not being the trye saving grace that we all through you were going to be, even if we didn't want to believe in you, we still held onto some sort of hope that you would win, that you would win for us. It was a long time before I could let that anger go, and you know what? When I finally did take a moment to step away from it, I realized that life is so short. Each and every single one of us has only a small time on this planet and right then and there I determined that I was going to spend the rest of my moments with the ones I love the most. That is why, Amaya, I forgave you, and I want you—no, I need you to know that Asuma's death is not your fault. You fought hard, and you fought bravely, letting everyone get to safety as you held them off. Asuma's blood is on no one's hands but Hidan's."

This wasn't what Amaya was expecting when she saw Kurenai today, nor did she ever realize that she had been holding on to such a feeling do long. With Kurenai's words, it almost seemed as if she had just broken through one of her mental walls. The bricks started to fall onto the pavement and Amaya felt lighter, but with that broken wall, it seemed to spark a flood. She never realized that she was holding back these emotions, holding back these feelings and carrying the burden that she was the one who had played a part in Asuma's passing. Amaya gasped and rubbed the palm of her hands into her eyes, tears flowing freely past them.

Kurenai let Amaya constantly tell her sorry, as she knew that it was just her friend's way of riding out the emotions. Scooting forward, Kurenai bent forward and hugged Amaya close to her, stroking her hair as if she was a mother calming down her child that had just scraped their knee. Eventually, Amaya's crying started to die down and the two of them broke apart. Both had faces that were red and puffy from crying. Amaya wiped at her own face as Kurenai did the same.

"Look at us, two blubbering messes," Amaya chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.

"Tell me about it. I'm the one who is supposed to be emotional, I am pregnant. What is your excuse?"

Amaya could help but smile and shake her head at the remark as the two women continued to enjoy the other's company. Amaya reached for a napkin on the table and lightly used it to take off the water that was still on her face and neck that she wasn't able to get by merely using her fingers to break the tear trails stemming from her eyes.

"So, have you and Kakashi talked about things yet?"

Amaya paused, knowing what Kurenai was getting at, but elected to play towards being naïve.

"What do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean. The two of you need to talk. The two of you haven't killed each other yet living under the same roof after all this time, especially after everything that had happened between the two of you, so I am sure that you two can handle talking to the other about your problems. Talking about whatever the two of you need to and moving forward."

"You make it sound like it is the easiest thing in the world to do… God… I don't even know where to start. Just be like Hey, I'm your ex-lover who almost killed you, let's talk about our relationship and if you see a future together because that would go over so well."

Kurenai sighed and rolled her eyes at the kunoichi next to her.

"I mean, if you start it off like that, then yes, that is problematic. Then again, those are probably some good things to talk about."

Amaya rolled her head with her eyes groaning.

"You're going to be a great mother."

"Why do you say that?"

"If you give your kids the same napping and nit-picking advice you are giving me, that I now have no doubt in my mind that the next generation of sarutobi is going to be blessed."

"I know that you are being sarcastic with me, but I am going to take that as a compliment. Sometimes you need to give tough love in order to get results."

Amaya shook her head and the two women smiled at each other.

"I am serious about it though."

"About what?"

"If you ever need help with anything, please let me know," Kurenai said, reaching a hand over to take Amaya's into hers, squeezing Amaya's hand for reassurance.

Knowing that she could take a more serious route, Amaya elected not to do so, and instead, turn the situation back onto a more humorous side of things.

"Does a new batch of cookies count?"

Kurenai gave her friend a look which just had Amaya running away chuckling as she went to go see if there was any flour and sugar in the cabinets.

"Immunity, that was what was agreed upon."

Tsunade was in a rare form. Granted, when it came to arguing with the elders, was it ever rare nowadays that she was angered by their illogical stances.

"The village will never grow to like her again and frankly, I don't think they even liked her before she left," Koharu spoke up, trying to defend her side of the story.

"The opinion of Amaya has shifted. Both of you know that. She wasn't well known before I reassigned her to watch over the academy. Then, when she started to open up to people, the village learned to get along and love her. Now, it seems as if after the passing of one of our greatest shinobi, Asuma, the word has reached the ears of many about the sacrifices Amaya made to preserve this village and all that it stands for."

"You may have a point, Tsunade-sama, however, how can we trust her enough to send her out on missions? That she wouldn't turn against us? She was seen training with Kisame and Itachi, she may try to follow their directions, playing the long game instead of acting as one of your subordinates," Homura said trying to bring a more logical approach to the conversation.

"She was a rouge once, and there is a greater change of her doing it again. Leaving one time, is one too many in my own opinion," Koharu spat, clearly showing her distaste for Amaya.

"I feel that the two of you forget that she died for this village. She gave up her life for this village. What more could we ever ask for the people who fight and defend us from the terror that lives outside these walls? More importantly, there has to be some way, with the three of us sitting here, to come up with a way that Amaya can stay here and not be ostracized for the sins that she committed in the past, because people change. It is called the past for a reason. The council, before Amaya came back to this village having her heart manually pumped for her decided that she would be pardoned if she survived. Now, I am asking the two of you to keep your word and not start singing a different tune because you didn't get your way."

"It was surprising that she survived the immortal duo when even our strongest groups of shinobi couldn't handle them. It makes you think how she was able to fight the both of them by herself. What powers she has can easily upset our own power balance, she could take our greatest weapon that is located in that blond-haired boy."

"I am going to disregard that you didn't say Naruto's actual name there, because he is just a teen that is trying to do the best with what he has. To fit in with a world that already hates him for something he never chose. But," Tsunade sighed, "we need to appeal to our humanity here. Amaya had no chance of survival and yet, here she is. She died for this village and she deserves a second change. If dying for one's village isn't something an honorable shinobi would do, I honestly don't know what would be then."

"Amaya was in the black ops and before that, she was a part of the foundation. From that alone it is safe to say that she is a deadly force that Konoha can't or shouldn't have to contain," Koharu grumbled, trying to come up with any excuse that she could to try and go back on her word of a pardon.

"You are just going in circles here!" Tsunade stated to raise her voice, clearly getting angry, "She chose to fight for Konoha. When there was no hope after Asuma passed away, trying to defeat the same men she single handedly went up against, Amaya was the only one to save those of our own—and she did that of her own free will. She could have damned us all and sided with the Akatsuki, but she didn't. Her love and heart lie within the walls of this village, and she proved that she deserves that second chance!"

"You have your mind clouded with your friendship with this blue-haired traitor. Amaya had three years of outside training. We have no idea what kind of secrets she gave her enemies, nor the skills that she learned while she was away. Her kekkei genkai's true power is still a mystery to us all. If she almost defeated the strongest team of the Akatsuki, what is to say that she didn't turn on us and use her powers to sabotage us?"

"God, you don't listen do you? Amaya loves this village and all the people in it. She has never intentionally done something that would harm the village in a way that it couldn't come back and grow. She left because she was terrified that Danzo would do something to her and the ones that she loved. He made her leave and he passed it off as a rogue mission, when really, he just wants power."

"I can't believe that you have the audacity to slander one of the great leaders of this village. Not only that, but you just said it yourself. Amaya isn't that strong then if she was able to fall under the pressure of mere words. If someone could easily manipulate her that easily, to make her leave everyone that had ever cared about her or loved her, that she wasn't a kunoichi that would benefit the village. Not only that, but what does that lack of strength say about you Tsunade-sama? That kunoichi left under someone else's orders that weren't yours, and you couldn't do a damn thing to stop it."

Tsuande was just about to open her mouth, she had enough of the crap that was coming out of the female elder's mouth. She couldn't believe that they were going to go against their word. She knew that they had done so before, but they had the audacity this time to at least tell her to her face. Tsunade was about to start a fight as her blood started to bubble with the amount of rage she held for Koharu. Whoever the next hokage was, she was going to make damn sure that it wasn't a rule to consult the elders before making a decision. That they were the leader and what they thought was best, that is what they should go with. Nevertheless, just as a squeak came out of Tsunade's mouth, Homura finally spoke up, interrupting the quarrel between the two women.

"That is enough, from the both of you," Homura raised his voice and silence took ahold of the room.

The elder looked between the two women before continuing.

"Koharu, I would like to see not only your independence, but your intelligence come back one of these days since it seems as if that the people you are inviting into your bed are distorting your personal views and the unbiased outcome of what is best for this village and her people."

Tsunade was in shock that Homaru would go that far, calling Koharu out like that. It seemed that Tsunade wasn't the only one shocked as Koharu sat there with her mouth wide open, catching flies, but it didn't last long as Koharu looked at the other elder and stated a quick word.

"Who I have in my bed or don't doesn't matter. What Danzo and I do—"

"That is exactly my point, Koharu. The hokage is asking for our advice as any experience and true leader would of their elders."

Koharu placed a hand over her mouth realizing what she said. She had just told the room who really was the one calling the shock here. That shock that Tsunade held quickly turned into a child-like chuckle, but Homaru didn't just stop with Koharu. Tsunade was next, as she had no time to enjoy the slipup Koharu made.

"And you. Don't start laughing at the misfortune of others and Koharu makes plenty of valid points. Why do you have so much unrest under you that it seems after every blink of an eye, someone is disobeying an order that you give? It is obvious that there are people trying to undermine your position as the hokage and this simply cannot be tolerated. I am ready to say that we should expel Amaya from this village, have her walk a lonely path of a wanderer, but taking into account all of the information about how she was persuaded to leave, and how she fought tirelessly for this village in our time of need, I am now leaning towards pardoning her for her crimes. However—"

"Homaru, have you completely lost your mind?" Koharu asked, almost yelling the question at the man.

It was almost like she was insulted by his words, even though they praised her and weren't directed at her. However, Homaru never answered Koharu back and instead, pushed his galsses up onto his face as he looked directly at Tsunade, knowing that she caught onto the change in his words. That he wanted to put a clause in there before Amaya was absolved of her crimes.

"What am I missing here? What are you trying to get at here, Homura?"

Taking a deep breath, the male elder cleared his throat and proceeded to give his assessment of the situation at hand.

"I know that she died trying to protect this village, but at any given day one could change their mind and swear allegiance to something or someone else. She must promise her undivided loyalty, that she has something to fight for again, not just the notion that she is helping the people of the village. That she is undoubtably and forever being a resident of Konoha."

"How do you propose that? How can Amaya show her allegiance to this village? If dying isn't enough, what is? What will tie her to this place that would make you think that she wouldn't ever go against us?"

"I will leave that up to you. You asked for our advice, not for our answers. However, I must say that it must be done in such a way that no one can question it. Once you have done that, let me know, and then officially, we can draw up the documents and pardon Amaya for her crimes… and Tsunade?"

"Yes?"

"Make sure that the challenge for your seat doesn't become a problem. If it does, I have a feeling that we are going to have even bigger problems on our hands than the Akatsuki if the wrong person ascends to the highest position of power"

Tsunade nodded her head agreeing, the two of them, for probably one of the first times ever were on the same page. That being, to make sure that the one who put Amaya through hell never was able to call the shots in the village. That Danzo never became Hokage. If he did, there is no telling what kind of horrors he would release onto the village.

"God, you are so annoying when you are stressed out, you know that?"

"And here I thought you were going to be nice to me since you know, I kinda died and all that."

"I mean you did die. But for whatever reason, you are back now and that doesn't mean I am not going to still give you shit when you are being annoying."

Amaya sighed as Mizuchi kept talking to her. She appreciated the distraction, but now, it was starting to get annoying with the harsh way he was treating her. She knew that the dragon loved her. Hell, she never wanted to see such a face again when he thought that she was going to die in his arms. Or whatever constitutes as a dragon having arms. More like drowning while curled up against his body. Mindlessly, Amaya drank the last of her miso soup and placed the bowl into the kitchen sink, electing to do the dishes in the morning.

For whatever reason, Kakashi wasn't home yet. Looking at the clock ticking by, she didn't know if he was just out and about trying to avoid her, or if it was a mission that was keeping him out this late. She knew that Tsunade had been giving him easier missions as of late, wanting to make sure that he stayed close to the village so he could come home every night. She was happy that her friend was able to do that, but at the same time, Amaya knew that it was now time to start up the conversation she was dreading.

Pacing back and forth in the kitchen, she decided that she could clean the dish that she used. As she went through the motions, drying it and putting it on the rack for use later, she admitted defeat as her confidence started to wane as time moved passed. She started towards her room, but her conversation with Kurenai came back into her mind. That was when the kunoichi squared her shoulders and changed her path, her decision becoming clear when she heard the front door click, alerting her that Kakashi had finally made it home.

Amaya turned around and walked towards Kakashi, as he was busy taking off his shoes to make sure not to get the rest of the house dirty with outside contaminants. Kakashi came up onto the landing and stopped when he saw Amaya staring at him. He looked as if he wanted to say something to her, but instead, it dissipated. So, without missing a beat, subtly never being one of Amaya's greatest strengths, she figured that it was finally time to talk about where the two of them stood with each other.

"Are we ever going to talk about this large elephant in the room that seems to be suffocating in the air between us?"