ISFNE Chapter 6

Allison POV

"NO, STOP! Please, why are you doing this?" I implored through tears.

His hand ran down my side. He was reveling in the moment, tracing my contours lightly, his hands taking in every inch of me. "You're so beautiful," he whispered softly as his hand wandered up the inside of my thigh and I cried out as it suddenly went where I'd never been touched before. "And all mine," he continued with a satisfied smirk as he repeated the motion. I moaned in discomfort but felt the strangest rush as he did so. Apparently he did too for his smirk widened. His weight shifted to one knee as he separated my legs I was trying so hard to keep intertwined. He stopped suddenly cupping my face in his hands and looking deeply into my eyes. He caressed my cheek stroking away my falling tears.

"Eric, you don't want to do this, please, PLEASE. Don't do this!" my pleas falling on deaf ears.

"Faith, why keep working against me? I don't want this fighting," his voice husky with emotion. "Why can't you join me? Save yourself the pain."

"Eric, no, don't do this, I can't let you! It isn't right!"

"I have no choice," he whispered quietly.

"WHY? You've taken everything from me already, why do you need more?!"

Pleasure, Faith, it can all be pleasure, I felt him whisper into my mind.

"NO, NEVER. I WILL NEVER STOP FIGHTING YOU!," I finally screamed at him.

I was jarred awake out of the middle of that awful memory. Slowly, the room came into focus. I was in a sitting room, one that I recognized. There were two love seats facing each other next to a cozy fireplace. I panicked. He'd found me, somehow he'd found me. How the heck had I ended up here? But as I started to look around I realized that it was not the actual room, it was subtly different in ways I couldn't put my finger on; a re-creation, obviously made with care but not meant to replace the original. So I was still asleep but I wasn't dreaming… where was I? It had to be part of the connection, meaning Eric would be here. Another wave of panic hit me as I realized my disguise was being revealed. My hair, my thin frame… I quickly screwed my eyes shut picturing myself as that girl - the girl I'd been in that nightmare. I remembered my long hair and my healthy figure and was relieved when I opened my eyes to find I had changed back. Well that confirmed that this was not a reality.

"Hello, Violet," I heard from behind me. I turned slowly knowing whom I would see. He stood by the fireplace leaning on the mantel, watching me quietly. How he had gotten here I had no clue; this was not my mind nor his and it didn't seem like a dream. I looked around again carefully trying to fathom what was going on. "It's a halfway room," he said answering my unspoken question. "They're quite difficult to achieve but I managed to construct one between us. Think of it as…neutral ground. This way, there's no invading minds, no one-sided conversations, and no lasting physical consequences." At this point he walked toward me a few paces to stand by one of the couches, "and there's, of course, the added bonus of seeing you, rather than merely hearing your voice."

I took this all in and tried to process it. As wonderful as this sounded in theory, I got the feeling there was some sort of catch. There was a reason I was here, not knowing what it was made me extremely wary. He'd been so angry when I'd first left - was he still? Was he planning on hurting me? Was he going to torture me for answers? He'd said 'lasting physical consequences' and that seemed like it needed further defining-

"I'm not," he said seemingly out of the blue. I turned and looked at him questioningly and he shrugged, "You're thinking very loudly, very one-track minded so I can still glean bits and pieces. You're also barraging me with fear and worry through my tap on your emotions. Let me reassure you these aren't my intentions." He paused looking at me in a way I didn't recognize and then gestured to the seats, "Won't you sit down?" he asked, though it obviously wasn't really a question.

I contemplated what he'd said, looking around the strange room again and quickly came to the conclusion that I was going to leave. I drew in a shaky breath, my nerves still on edge from the nightmare I'd come out of, my confidence shaken, "No, I don't think I will, unfortunately," I said turning away to look for a door. I immediately felt him grab my arm. Though a gentle grip it was startlingly corporeal, only further proving that this wasn't a dream; but he wasn't tugging me back, merely making me pause and I, to my own surprise, did.

"It's just talking, Faith, surely you can do that," he said evenly.

"Maybe I can't," I responded, my voice wavering.

"Faith, please."

That threw me for a loop; Eric didn't ask for things. He let his hand fall back to his side as I turned slowly and walked over to a seat, keeping my gaze down and in the back of my mind concentrating on keeping my disguise up. Silence fell between us, as it often did. I fiddled with my hands before finally folding them in my lap. I heard Eric sit down across from me though he seemed in no rush to break the silence…or maybe he didn't know how to. I did seem to have a knack for putting him at a loss for words.

I decided to go first, "How did I get here?" I said not looking up.

"Well, I worked on constructing this for a spell and I just had to wait for your consciousness to wander across the bond."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you were dreaming of me. The bond's only objective is bringing us together, so whether we are close physically or mentally it wants to open the path of our minds."

"Still not quite following…"

"I was pulled toward your dream…well, nightmare, since it involved me. I was able to see it, and therefore, with some difficulty, due to your general obliviousness to the task, bring you here where I created a space we can establish ourselves in. It should be much easier after this instance."

I fell silent taking in all he'd said. Trying to establish where I was. I was on our bond. I pictured it opening up onto the bridge between our minds and decided that would have to do. I truly didn't know what else to say.

"Why that nightmare, Faith?" he asked finally. "That one hasn't plagued you in months."

I laughed derisively, "Because I obviously have so much control over it and wanted to relive one of my worst nights," I bit out caustically. I fiddled with my hands again contemplatively, my tone softening considerably, "Besides, even if I did know, I surely wouldn't talk about it with the embodiment of my every nightmare."

"Are you still afraid of me?" he asked quietly.

"Don't you want me to be?" I said looking up to meet his gaze.

"Of course not," he stated.

"Then what were all the theatrics at the beginning of my abduction? Don't deny you wanted to scare me."

"I won't deny it, I did then. I don't now. But you didn't answer the question, love," he said, still remaining almost unnervingly calm and collected, "Are you afraid of me?"

Eric POV

I reveled momentarily in the victory of wrangling Faith's consciousness into establishing itself in this room. I had almost believed it wouldn't work for a while, and it had tired me enough that I couldn't establish myself in the room for a few minutes. But here she was looking like the same girl who'd escaped me almost a month ago, sitting across from me, seeming so close, yet so far away. And her thoughts had been partially correct; for the week it took for me to work on this aspect of our connection I intended to use it to interrogate her, to force her to give up her location, her name, or whatever else I could get out of her, but as I continued and thought through meeting with her I realized that would never work. I was going to find her one way or another, and I'd rather work toward making her more willing to come back than give her more reasons to fear me.

I will never stop fighting you… her words rang in my head all the more clearly from her nightmare. One that I thought she might have finally retired. She was avoiding my gaze completely, though it was intently fixed on only her. Though I'd had possible plans as to how this conversation would go it was all conjecture and I found myself barely able to start. So she started and I patiently explained, all the while silently pleading with her to look at me. She didn't. Silence fell again. That damned nightmare, it was always that one. Why couldn't that creative mind of her even invent something new? Why did it never change?

"Why that nightmare, Faith? That one hasn't plagued you in months."

She gave a humorless laugh, "Because I obviously have so much control over it and wanted to relive one of my worst nights," sarcasm saturating her every word. She paused and her tone softened considerably, "Besides, even if I did know, I surely wouldn't talk about it with the embodiment of my every nightmare."

I will never stop fighting you… where was that fight? I'd always seen it underlying her actions, and it was a terrifying thing indeed when it would erupt, but the girl in front of me was not fighting, she was cowering.

"Are you still afraid of me?" I asked as I came to that realization.

"Don't you want me to be?" she said finally looking up at me, pinning me with those violet searchlights.

"Of course not," I stated.

"Then what were all the theatrics at the beginning of my abduction? Don't deny you wanted to scare me."

I sighed at the memory of that. Yes, I remembered clearly that I did indeed want to scare her for a while. I hadn't known her then, and I hadn't wanted to, I'd only wanted her to submit, and I'd hoped if she feared me she'd submit to me. It had quite the opposite effect. But things were so obviously different now, why couldn't she see that?

"I won't deny it. I did then. I don't now. But you didn't answer the question, love," I said trying to keep my emotions under control. "Are you afraid of me?" I restated, fearing that I already knew the answer.

I saw her posture sag and her gaze fell to her lap again. "You ask that as if it's a simple question," she said with a sigh. She paused, waiting for my retort, but I stayed silent, not wanting to interrupt the struggle I sensed she was having internally.

"I-I don't really know, is my honest answer. I'm scared to death of what you are… capable of, and of what you've done to me, and what you would do to me if you found me-"

"When," I interrupted mildly. "When I find you." A mere gentle reminder that though my search had slowed it wouldn't stop.

Her eyes flitted up to meet mine briefly at that and fell back to her hands as she continued, "Well, I guess by all those accounts it is a 'yes' but…but there's definitely parts of you that I'm not afraid of." I saw a small smile grace her lips as she continued to take great interest in her hands, "I don't think I'm afraid of the man you are or used to be…because I think I see him every once in a while. And I'm not scared of him because he wants me to be happy. He wants me to be loved and cared for," she said her eyes meeting mine once more as she surprised me by standing up and walking over to the opposite couch where I was seated and cautiously sitting down next to me.

I scarcely dared to breathe for fear of spooking her.

"But I think," she began again, obviously choosing each word with care, "what he needs to realize, or rather, is consciously or unconsciously refusing to realize, is that I can't feel any of those things with him because of all the other parts of him that I fear."

"Faith, I was wrong. I was wrong to ever want you to fear me. And I can't tell you how much it has plagued me every single day since-" I stopped, unable to finish the thought. I gently reached out and took her hands in mine, "Faith, I love you, please see me as I am now. Come back to me, love. There is no pain or punishment awaiting you. Only a want for a future together."

She met my gaze with a sad smile, "I wish I could believe that, I do, but I can't have a future with you. I can't love you."

"Why not, Faith?" I asked, desperately searching her eyes.

"Because you don't love me, you're infatuated with me. You want to possess me and I can't stand the thought of being your belonging," she said an edge coming into her tone, "But even if what you say is true, I can't be sure of it because I can't risk believing you," she continued, finishing softly but with conviction, "I can't love someone I can't trust, Eric."

Her words felt like a slap to the face. The edge of harshness in her delivery and frankness in her tone had been awful enough, but then she had let my name fall from those beautiful lips once more. She never used my name unless she needed to, and with that one word that was so beautiful on her tongue, she branded yet another phrase into my mind forever. I scrambled to recover after having passed a minute or so in dumbstruck silence.

"But I don't want that for you, my love," I said gently moving my hands to cup her face. Her gaze dropped to the ground a frown creasing her brow. "I want us to build a foundation of trust so that we can move forward from it, but you left, before I could even start. I laid the beginning of the groundwork, promising you all your answers when you returned safely yet you decided they weren't worth sticking around for," I felt something snap tight through her emotional tap. It was an uncomfortable knot of anger; the tension was palpable. I pressed on, trying to make her understand. "Faith, I shall endeavor to regain that trust as best I can. If you would just give me a chance to-"

"GIVE YOU A CHANCE?!" she suddenly exploded, yanking her chin out of my grasp and retreating to the other side of the seat as her eyes, burning with the fury that had unfurled from that knot, snapped back up to meet mine. "You had your chance, it's not my fault you fucked it up. You messed up, Eric - not me - you. It is not my responsibility or desire to give you any chance to further destroy the pieces of my life I've picked up. The life that you shattered. The life you decided you had every right to take and manipulate to your liking. And you don't. You don't get to just waltz back into my life and ask for a "do-over". You don't get another chance. I'm not your plaything! Stop hunting me down like some prize and give me a chance to live! Trying to make me happy with you is a pointless pursuit at best. You're delusional and twisted if you think that's a possibility," She said, finishing her tirade, the tears that had appeared during it running rivers down her cheeks. "Just leave me alone," she pleaded quietly as she turned away.

As I so often did when dealing with Faith, I found myself utterly speechless. I was lost, confused as to what my next step was, angry at her accusations and temper, upset that I'd provoked such an outburst, but this time there was a new emotion in the mix: hopelessness. I was always sure time would fix things but now I wasn't so certain. I felt exhausted; this meeting was supposed to help, all I felt it had done was further highlight the brokenness I had caused. Faith's sniffles as she valiantly tried to reign in her tears were all I heard as I sat in silence, trying to process everything she'd thrown at me. I couldn't. It was too much.

"You should go now," I said softly to her as her tears subsided.

"How do I leave?" she asked quietly.

"I'm sure you've figured it out by now," I stated looking over at her, "You found it's anchor to our bond."

She gave a barely perceptible nod and stood up to leave, walking in front of where I sat.

"Faith, I should warn you," I said gently touching her arm as she walked by and immediately retracting my hand, not wanting to upset her. "You got pulled out mid-nightmare, so you're going to reenter it as soon as you leave. It, obviously, was not the sort of dream I hoped to find you in for this but…" I trailed off with a sigh, "It was necessary."

"You seem to think that about a lot of things," she whispered.

"Everything I have done, I have done for your safety and your good, Faith. Believe it or don't but it is the truth. I may not have made the correct decisions but I made them with your future well-being in mind."

I stood up in front of her and let my hands cup her face briefly and come to rest on her shoulders. "If you want any answers you know where to find me now," I said. I leaned forward and kissed her forehead gently. She waited without reaction and then stepped around me and left, refusing to look back.

I sat forward my head in my hands in defeat. That had not gone according to plan at all. Yes, I had decided not to interrogate her but I had still wanted to pose some of my questions, trip her up possibly. I had new information, important information when I thought about it, but I had no idea what to do with it. I needed to remedy it, but it seemed an impossible task. I had this to come back to though, I was sure with my presence in her slumber tonight I would, unfortunately, be making more appearances in her dreams soon. This was all I had left; I was going to make it count. Meanwhile, I had more to record.