I do not own Transformers. All original Transformers belong to rightful owners!

I also do not own ANY songs, name brands or media used in this story (Don't Sue me please!).

I DO own Celestial Jazmine Jackson and her cat Minty...and the plot.

Props to; Rebecca Frost, fnafwrightings and Til' all are one For following!

Props to; Rebecca Frost, fnafwrightings, anyotherrose832 and Til' all are one For adding this story to their favorite's list!

Major thanks to; doyouseewhatisee, Til' all are one, RatchetLover and sylvia silverblood for Following me! I appreciate it!

Major thanks to; sylvia silverblood, RatchetLover and Til' all are one for adding me to their list of favorite authors! I appreciate it!

HeartsGuardianSol: I know right? She'll point that out here. Thanks for the compliment! *Hands bunny bait* I hope that you find your plot bunnies! I also hope you like this chapter!

Jazzilynn Hall: Thank you so much for the pranks! And yes I'd like to see your old account! I hope that you like this chapter, the rest of Hell week will continue in the next chapter! Again I love your face, and I thank you for your help!

Rebecca Frost: Thank you! And I might use that in the next chapter! I hope that you like this chapter!

Til' all are one: Thank you for the review, and the compliment! I hope that you like this chapter!

{Text: "} =Com. Link/text message/ phone call. (specified)

HEY ALL WHO READ THIS! THE IDEA FOR THE PRANKS CELESTE USES COMES SOLEY FROM Jazzilynn Hall! SHE GETS FULL CREDIT FOR THESE PRANKS! I OWN NONE OF IT! ALSO LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT MORE CAUSE SHE GAVE EVEN MORE AWESOME IDEA'S! THEY'RE ON THE REVIEW PAGE SO GIVE HER SOME PRAISE!

Celeste's pov

Mikaela: "You look like the Elle Woods of N.E.S.T.! Well, only you're dressed in yellow."

Me: "Thanks! I was going for that! Looks even better with the weight loss too."

Epps: "You really ought to eat something to put a little weight on."

Me: "Don't worry, I was being sarcastic. And trust me, I will when this is over."

Mikaela: "You do know that you're going to try and take down the single most powerful force in a matter of minutes right?"

"Yep." I said to her popping the p. Perfect shade of red for my lips. (sorry, left field thought) This will be interesting in deed. Today, I am taking Ratchet the Hatchet to a little impromptu court on behalf of myself and the other human allies. Our discussion will be held publically in the main hanger, in front of both the soldiers and the medical team. When I throw shade, I throw shade.

Me: "Okay, everyone ready? Have the evidence?"

Epps: "Ugh, yeah I have it all right here."

"Good. Now let's go. I want to be able to enjoy a cheeseburger this afternoon." I said as I sauntered out of my room. With the way I was walking and the way I was dressed, I wouldn't be surprised if someone thought I was Elle Woods. As we entered the main hanger all conversation stopped. I kept my face schooled as the bots and the soldiers looked at me with surprise.

Prime: "Ah, Ms. Jackson. Glad that you could join us for this…meeting."

Me: "Glad that I could participate. Now, going in, I'd like to make a deal with you and Ratchet."

Prime: "Oh?"

Me: "This meeting is based on the diet concerns of those on this base correct?"

Ratchet: "That is why you called us here. I do not see a problem with it."

"Mmm. Interesting. So you saw no problem with keeping me in the brig for six days, where I dropped about ten pounds? And all because I didn't want to eat what you were giving me. Tell me, what is it again that you all fight for?"

Prime: "We fight for the freedom of all sentient beings."

Me: "That's right! You do fight for our freedom. A freedom to choose. A freedom that you have liberally taken from us lately with the recent diet changes."

Ratchet: "I have done no such thing! You may make choices as you see fit- "

Me: "Only for you to try and influence them and or punish us for them when they do not satisfy what you think is best. No matter. The deal I want to make is this; if you, Optimus Prime, Jazz, Ironhide, Will, Epps, Fig, and Graham finish one plate of what you want the rest of us to eat. I'll drop the argument and go back to eating what you want, no questions asked. But all of you have to finish it or no deal."

Prime: "If that is all then we accept your challenge."

Me: "Good. Holograms up, taste receptors ready."

I said as Epps and I distributed the "food" to everyone. The bots (Save for Ratchet) looked at it with concern. "What you have in front of you is non seasoned rice, a black bean cake, mashed Brussel sprouts, and skinless bone-less non seasoned chicken." I said. "In other words, the brat diet." Will groaned as he lifted his fork. Jazz shrugged as he was taking a large bite of Brussel sprouts. That shrug turned very quickly into a gag, a rather violent one at that. Ironhide glared at the rice frustrated after one bite, and Optimus simple sat still poking the bean cake hesitantly before taking a bite of it and grimacing slightly. Only Ratchet cleared his plate and the others simply gave up.

Me: "So. How was the food?"

I asked cheekily receiving a glare from just about everybody. "Jazz, remember what I served you at Chipotle?" "Ugh. Yeah?" "How do you compare what you had there as appose to now, when three of the components were the same?"

Jazz: "That tasted so much better than this slag!"

Ratchet: "Probably because it held fats and grease harmful to humans!"

Me: "Actually, no. At Chipotle we follow serving sizes, unless people ask for more. What I made for Jazz was lean grilled chicken, brown rice, black beans, cheese, guacamole, Pico, spicy sauce and sour cream."

Jazz: "She's righ' it was pretty healthy."

He mused. I better move on before Ratchet gets to flapping his gums…wait…do the bots even have gums? They have teeth…well denta, but do they have gums?

Me: "Exactly. Moving on, I have a question for one William Lennox."

Will: "Yeah?"

Me: "What kind of cereal did you eat growing up?"

Will: "Pfft! Cap'n crunch, Froot loops, Frosted flakes, Cookie crisp. The good stuff."

"So you grew up with surgery cereals. And you, on occasion enjoy a Coke or a doughnut, and of course you drink coffee because of your lack of sleep with your high stress job correct?" I asked making Ratchet grumble exasperatedly and making everyone look at me like I had no point to what I was saying. "Yeah. So?"

Me: "Just curious…One last question."

Ratchet: "Ms. Jackson, I fail to see what relevance this has to do with the base's diet!"

Me: "Don't get your cables in a twist! Let him answer this question and then I will show you what it has to do with what you did to the people on this base. Now, Will describe one Robert Epps personality."

Will: "A pain in the ass."

Epps: "Hey!"

Will: "He's pretty laid back, chill, funny, but knows when to be serious. What does this- "

{Epps: "WHAT?!"}

I played the clip of Epps snapping at me the other day. Everyone stared at the wall where the video replayed again, before I had Replenish and his projector friend stop playing the clip.

Me: "Hmm. That's not the Epps we all know and love. But thankfully I know the reason why our beloved soldiers are so cranky. They're going through withdrawals."

Prime: "Ms. Jackson I do not wish to discredit your knowledge of the human body. But I am certain that my CMO wouldn't do anything to cause our allies harm on purpose. I am also inclined to believe that he knows what is best for the soldier's dietary needs."

Me: "And with all due respect, you guys have only been on the planet for three years. Which for someone as intelligent and qualified as Ratchet is no excuse. If he knew, which according to you he had to of in order not to cause us any harm on purpose he wouldn't have been so stupid to cut everyone off cold turkey!"

Prowl: "I fail to see how the body temperature of poultry has anything to do with what is going on."

Me: "Figure of speech. It means to cut someone off from something altogether. Which as Ratchet should know is dangerous, and has been proven by many medical experts to be the least effective treatment in ending an addiction."

Jazz: "Addiction? Ya'll can get 'dicted to sugar?"

Me: "Sugar and caffeine are often seen and compared to drugs because of the affects that they have on the human brain and body. And if say, you took a group of people who had a long developed dependency of caffeine and sugar that started in childhood and continued into adulthood, and cut them off from it completely, it could lead to disaster!"

Ratchet: "I believe that you are over reacting to me taking the contraband from your quarters."

Me: "Am I? The most common symptoms of withdrawals as quoted from a medical journal are; Mood swings, shakiness or tremors, depression, anger, insomnia, irritability, rash or irrational behavior, nausea…ect. The list goes on. Now look at the soldiers on base. All more than likely have had sugar and caffeine as a normal staple in their diet since they were kids, like Major Lennox. All rely on coffee or other sources to remain awake through meetings and missions, like Major Lennox. All have shown one and more symptoms of withdrawal, like Sargent Epps."

I said pointing to a kid that was nearly vibrating next to Prowl. I walked over to him and pulled out a chocolate covered granola bar and gave it to him. He's making it hard to see straight.

Me: "Now, do any of you wanna tell me the obvious danger of sending someone like this one here, into the field of battle with a…what? A sabot round launcher? And expecting him to think rationally, and hit his marks without getting blown up or stepped on? Bit much isn't it?"

Prime: "We only try to keep our allies in the best condition possible."

Me: "And I understand that. You only want to help and do what's best for us, we appreciate that. But in the end you are doing more harm than good. In case you don't already know, I grew up in a neighborhood that was riddled with chronic drug and alcohol abusers. I know what withdrawals look like better than most. I also know what it does to people."

I said as I took out a box of chocolate bars. Half of the soldiers in the room took hasty steps towards me, enough so that Jazz had to lift me into the air just out of their reach. I tossed the box down and watched un-moving as it was torn apart and as the chocolate was fought over. Will had to speak up to get order to resume, but by that point the bots looked pretty alarmed.

Me: "You see, there's this ugly little side effect I forgot to mention. The affect is known as binging. Binging is typically spurred on by the more primal urges in one's brain telling them to eat and gather as much as they can for fear that they might not get it again later. I bet any of you every cent that I own that if you took half of the base, put them on a mission that ended in success or failure and kept them on the mainland for a few extra hours everyone would go to the nearest place to get their fix of junk food."

Prime: "Would you…is what she says true? Your answer will remain unjudged."

The mob nodded sheepishly, some looking slightly wistful at the idea of ending a mission with junk food. "And that is worse because binging tends to lead to over eating, eating disorders, weight gain, and general sickness from eating too much in one sitting." I said looking at Ratchet. Where he didn't look apologetic, he did hold a look of slight horror. Probably seeing that I'm right. Though deep down I can tell he feels guilty for what he's done. "Perhaps I was a bit too, eager with my attempts at keeping my patients healthy." If that's Ratchet's way of saying sorry and that he was wrong, I'll take it.

Me: "Just a bit. I can respect taking away some sugar, but not all. You're lucky that no one here is Hypoglycemic."

I chuckled. Now traditionally I don't find that form of scenario funny, but I need to lure them into a false sense of comfort so that I can get away with my revenge. Oh you can bet that I am beyond pissed that they left me in the brig for almost a week. Especially since Jazz nor Bee tried to get me out. Payback is indeed a bitch, and I am the queen of payback. There is one huge misconception about me; that I don't hold grudges. Hell yeah I hold grudges. I once held a grudge for two years against a friend at school. To go along with that misconception, there are three things that people often forget about me; My talents, my attention to detail, and the fact that I seek revenge quickly once I have an idea. Unfortunately for the bots, they gave me six days to plan out my revenge. Revenge is something that you plot out, you calculate, you execute, and you never (if rarely) apologize for it. At least I don't. If I come for you, then you sorely deserve it. Period. So with my attention to detail, my artistic capabilities, My ability to read people, my hypnotism, and with sleight of hand, I can become a very formidable enemy very quick.

Boys, be wary of girls, do not do them wrong or you will regret it. I'm a designer, and typically a girly girl at that. I fucking pay close attention to detail all the time! I know where the bots go, when they sleep, how often they eat, and when they relax. So when Mikaela said that she and Sam were stateside with Bee, I was sorely tempted to have them pick up a few gallons of honey and a few cubic pounds of fire ants. After all, revenge is a dish best served cold and sweet. But since I don't want to infest the base with fire ants (yet, if the twins or Ratchet test me again so help me) I had to come up with something else. And it's easy to say that I have developed what can only be called Hell week.

After the meeting, where I made Ratchet and Optimus sign a contract saying that they would allow limited junk food onto base, and healthy junk food (Lay's baked chips are tasty!) I went back to my room for the night. Yes, I'm not kidding it took that long to have the meeting outing them and then to come to an agreement after it. Dinner was weird since we still had to eat all that healthy junk. But back at my room I checked my email and squealed for joy! I am being requested as a judge at a costume contest at a comic con in Jersey! With all the excitement in my life lately I forgot that we had just barely skipped into May a week ago. I already knew that I could, I asked Jazz yesterday if I could go, and he said that we could since N.E.S.T has a base in New Jersey. My only problem is that I had to come up with a costume for myself before then. Something big and elaborate. "THAT'S IT!" I shouted sending Minty off the bed with a startled fwump. Storm, from the X-men. Her black and gold costume looks dramatic, bold, and I have the stuff needed to make the costume, including the white contacts. So after taking a two-hour nap, I got back up and left my room.

I met Mikaela who, just like me, was clad in all black smirking. "I have the sedatives in the air now. They should be out for a few hours straight." She said.

When seeking revenge, you can enlist the help of others. But you cannot make them take your revenge for you, because you can't make them feel the same passion, well not usually. A lot of people are still pissed that this happened to begin with. Meaning that I have a few allies to work with. It's a good thing that Mikaela studies Autobot anatomy under Ratchet. She gave me a lot of helpful info on how to take my revenge. Tonight, it is something simple. Bumper stickers for all! I spent a lot of time making these with my button and label machine. (I sell a lot of shit online…don't look so damn surprised that I have this kind of stuff) The first stop was Jazz. Yes, I'm pranking him too. He didn't come to get me. What happened to "I'm sposed to protect ya at all costs!"? The best thing about these stickers is that they came out pretty big, and it takes a certain solvent to get them off. Thankfully Jazz is a stomach sleeper. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to place the sticker where he couldn't reach it. His said "Music is in my soul". I couldn't be too mean to him. After Jazz I went to the other bots and set my traps and bumper stickers. Some bots get an extra surprise, the twins for example will have a few buckets of kitty litter dropped on them when they get up to leave tomorrow morning.

Sideswipe: "Unghh. Hey! What the pit are you doing in our quarters fleshy?!"

Oh shit! They're waking up! Not really thinking about it, I snapped my fingers twice making the two of them freeze, eye's glazed over like fresh doughnuts. (Sorry left field thought there about the doughnuts) I moved around, and they don't seem to be doing anything. This just made hell week a lot easier.

Me: "You two will do my bidding. Sideswipe, you will go to the Medbay and retrieve all of Ratchet's wrenches for me, leaving them in my closet in my room tonight, before you return to your own. Sunstreaker, you will go to the main hanger and paint- "

I continued giving them their commands, before I took the kitty litter and hide under the bed snapping my fingers to break them out of their stupor. Best of all, if this works they will both think that it was all their idea. I watched silently as they left the room laughing mischievously. I left a few minutes after, following Sideswipe to the Medbay where he stole all of Ratchets tools. He passed by Sunstreaker who was in the main hanger painting a rather incriminating picture of Ratchet doing some unholy things. I had to hold my laughter in because I didn't want to make them aware of my presence. Once everything was said and done they went back to their room and to bed where I set the kitty litter trap and head back to my room where I had Replenish erase the night's activity from the camera recordings of base before I fell asleep.

The next morning, I awoke to the shouts grunts and screams of base. Ah music to my ears. Smiling I left my bed, showered and got changed. Yawning I took my sketch book with me as I went to see what was going on.

"GET IT OFF! GET IT OUT OF MEEEEEEE!" Sideswipe wailed as he streaked up the hall dumping clumps of wet kitty litter everywhere. I added some water last night making its constancy like glue. On his back a bumper sticker read; "I live for speed. In fact, I'm completely high on it" followed by; "Hence my lack of thought".

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Sunstreaker screamed in terror as Ratchet chased him up the hall in the opposite direction, his saw out and spinning. "YOU GET YOU'RE SORRY AFT BACK HERE!" He roared. Sunstreaker's sticker read; "'I'm a vain prissy school-femme obsessed with her looks. I just refuse to realize that I'm NOT the hottest thing to come off the assembly line!".

I laughed silently as I walked to the main hanger "looking" for Will or Epps. I found the first gawking at the wall and the other laughing his ass off on the floor. Good to see the humor came back to base.

Me: "Morning."

I said casually stepping over to the re-instated coffee machine.

Will: "What…did you do?!"

Me: "Mmm? Nothing. I just got up. Why?"

Epps: "You are so damn mean!"

Me: "Nooo. I'm not mean. I have no clue what you're talking about."

I said nearly doing a spit take at the mural on the wall. Sunstreaker was a better painter then I thought. On the wall was Ratchet and he was being…

Epps: "Fragged sideways orally with a Twinkie, and fragged normally by…is that Knockout?"

Will: "Yep. And is it me, or is Ratchet moaning and wailing for more? This is so wrong."

He shuddered. That was the guy…er bot that tried to take me. Yep, just as scary as I remember him. But damn. Did Sunstreaker have to paint them so vividly?

Me: "Ahem. Mmm. Well, Ratchet looks like he's having fun there. I didn't know it was possible for such…orgasmic pleasure to be displayed through painting. Damn."

I mumbled into my coffee, snorting when they turned to look at me. "What? I didn't do it."

Will: "Yeah right. Prowl will freak when he finds out."

Me: "Seriously, I didn't. I couldn't have, first of all I'm too short even with a ladder to paint that high and wide."

I said leaning against the computers on the counter. They looked at me a small glint of mischief in their eyes. They must have figured it out.

Epps: "You must be livid. What else did you do?"

He asked choking on his words as Jolt stalked past covered in yellow gold grease muttering curses. On his back where he couldn't reach a bumper sticker sat reading-

Will: "(Snicker) Greased lightning?"

He looked at me eyes sparkling with laughter as Jolt walked out the door and up the hall growling at the soldiers who laughed at him.

Me: "What? Are you insinuating that I was the one who put a variety of hilarious bumper stickers on the bots when they were asleep?"

I asked innocently making the two howl with laughter when Optimus stopped mid-step to stare at the mural, a very large neon yellow and black sign on his butt reading "WIDE LOAD" with two neon orange flags attached to the back of his hips. Above that one, a bumper sticker on his back read "WARNING! MAKES SUDDEN STOPS AND POOR DICISIONS ABOUT HUMAN NUTRITIAN" I think he was probably one of my favorite ones. Next to Ratchet's of course. Said Medic entered the room growling and snarling in rage.

His read; "Got an emergency? Call 1-800-Rat-Shit!" This only succeeded in making Will and Epps fall to the floor breathing heavily. They were laughing too hard for sound to come out. I pulled them up and drug them out of the room before Ratchet or Optimus could try and step on them or do anything else to them. I pulled them to the rec room where they struggled to stop laughing, especially since they saw Chromia walk out with a bumper sticker attached to her reading "My other ride is a TopKick"

I shook my head at them as they struggled to pull themselves up barely able to look at me.

Epps: "Yo…you Hehehehehehe! You are one evil kid!"

Me: "No I'm not."

Will: "Is that why Bee's said 'I'm one sexy Beeyotch!'?"

Me: "Old joke. Sam claimed he had the air freshener when he first bought him. If you'll excuse me, I have a lot to do, plenty of uniforms to sew, costumes to finish including my own and the remainder of hell week to plan."

I giggled as I left for my room. I opened the door only for a bucket of cold water and a sack of flour to be dumped on me. "THE HELL!?" "That's what ya get!" Jazz shouted from where he was trying not to laugh.

I spit out a clump of flour mush as I glared at him. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!" "The bumper stickers. Ya got everybody laughin' at us!"

He said, a small smile on his face. "You're impressed aren't you?"

"No I aint! Ya- "

"Jazz, you can't prove that it was me who did it. I've been a bit busy, which reminds me, unless you intend to watch me shower, change, sew a guy's pants and begin to make my costume I think it would be best to leave." I said shooing him out the door. After I got washed up, and after I finished several repairs on people's clothes, I left my room for dinner, passing back finished clothing as I went. After I finished eating a better balanced meal, Jazz and I took Minty for a short walk outside, watching the sun set. It was oddly romantic. On my way back to my room for the night, Jazz pulled something out of his sub space. He looked around shadily before he set the rolling welder down in my room and leaving me for the night.

I finished my costume, and slept for a few hours before I got up again. Night two of hell week begins now. This time armed with a backpack, a welder, and a shopping cart full of wrenches I left my room. Mikaela assured me that she would keep pumping the base full of the sedative for the bots, and sure enough the halls were hazy with it. It's harmless to humans, but to bots it works like an anesthetic. Just for safety, I wore the welder's mask the whole time. I must look like a further demented version of the Pyro from Team fortress two. Hey…that gives me an idea…

After I finished welding my statue, and giving it animation (I'm pretty good with many mediums) I made my way to the twin's room. Mikaela was leaving grinning evilly.

"I went ahead and re-programed a small part of their processors, and their vocal components. The rest is up to you."

She said as I handed her a fifty-dollar bill. (Yeah I'm paying her. She has to steal sedatives from the Hatchet.) I walked into their room, seeing them both face up, snoring away. This is going to be fun. I took my welder and pre-cut metal and set to work. A fluffy boa for a tail, copper wire for whiskers, and some hypnotism later, the base now has two massive felines up for adoption. I have so many things left to do to the bots before I leave for Jersey, and I intend to get them back to the best of my abilities. Once I got them to the main hanger, I waited until I was out of their range of sight before I snapped my fingers breaking their trance, and returning them to their normal slumber. Once again I returned to my room, and had Replenish delete my deeds before I fell asleep. Tomorrow will be fun.

A/N: Greetings from the tired college student! I have good news, and relatively bad news. Bad news is that, because of college, and the fact that I have three stories, combined with my need to do 45 hours of field work this semester means that I may post extremely irregularly. Good news is that I plan to post when I can, and that I have another plot bunny in development...actually might be two or three. Anyone wondering about that promised sequel to Baby days? Yeah that's coming.

But fun will continue in the next chapter! Promise! OH! AND CHECK OUT Jazzilynn Hall's STUFF! Seriously this chick is gifted with pranks! All credit for those above go to her!

CLYL!