ISFNE Chapter 24

Allison POV

Christmas had passed without much excitement aside from it being Ellie and Solomon's first. Gifts had practically all been given what with Simon's gift of a dress and Gram's allowing me to pick out any two books for my own downstairs and ordering a few for the twins. Simon had said no gift besides wearing the dress and accompanying him, but I felt in debt, which I couldn't stand. So, I'd gotten him a sweater and Grams an electric blanket that they'd open together with a card in both that simply said, "For the next time you have to save someone from hypothermia." I was rather proud of my idea. Thoughtful, thankful, yet lighthearted. They appreciated them too but assured me they weren't making a habit of it. All gifts given, I was about to stand up and grab Ellie off the floor to join her brother, who had tapped out early, when Simon spoke up, "There's one more gift we have for you."

"No, no more gifts! You both have been amazingly generous and I can't in any way ever repay you for all of it," I stated.

"I knew you'd react this way," Simon said holding out his hands in defense, "but this was too good and too important to not give you, so Grams and I are doing so together," he said handing me a card that was obviously from a business. I looked inside and read under my breath.

"Thank you so much for registering for our self defense course, we host classes from four to five Monday, Wednesday - no, no you can't have truly…" I trailed off. "I... thank you both for the concern but I don't think I can accept this; I don't think I could do that sort of class."

"Why not?" Grams, asked kindly.

"Because I'm going to be reliving my nightmares, and I don't know what that will entail."

Simon moved to sit down on the floor next to me, picking up Ellie and placing her on his lap, "I think it will be quite therapeutic actually. Maybe a little scary at first but they put you in controlled, harmless situations to allow you to act, to teach you how you act if those situations were real."

"It's all very professional and very much at your own pace. You decide how much you learn, how quickly you move to re-enactments. You've got twelve sessions at least to try out. So try it out." Grams chimed in.

"What if I succumb to another intrusion episode? What if I can't react and instead relive things just as helpless as I was the first time around?"

"When are you going to stop doubting yourself?" Simon asked, not releasing my gaze. "I wish you could have seen yourself at the Christmas party the moment you threw that guy's drink in his face, because there was a spark. There was fire in you that, for the first time, was finding an outlet. And even though it scared the crap out of you, I think you'd be lying if you said you didn't have a sense of satisfaction about the whole thing. You are strong, Allison. Start believing it yourself and who knows what you'll accomplish."

There was a small pause as I let it sink in and then slowly nodded, "Okay, okay, I…I'll go. You're right. How long have you been preparing that speech?"

He laughed, "Was it really that rehearsed?" he asked rhetorically.

"So that's what you thought of at the party."

He put his hands up and shrugged, "Guilty as charged," he said teasingly just as Ellie let out a big yawn, "My goodness, I think that's the cue to join your brother upstairs!" he said picking her up to snuggle into his chest as he brought her upstairs.

"Thank you," I said to Grams as well.

"Simon's idea, but a valid one for certain," she said with a smile. "I hope it does you good."

Simon POV

I picked Allison up later that week for New Years Eve. I had realized belatedly all the conclusions she could jump to if she worried over it like the Christmas party, but she seemed much more relaxed as she came to meet me out at the car. The twins, once again, were set up with Grams, an actual saint for doing so twice in such a sort time period, although she would be hosting festivities for people in the neighborhood who would gladly coo over and care for the twins as well, so Allison felt much less guilty.

She was back to the Allison I knew, though she had dressed up slightly better than usual. The sweater and jeans she wore fit her nicely, making me briefly remember the dress once again, a memory that came back to me at seemingly every moment. Her hair was let down from it's usual messy ponytail, she must have colored it recently because her roots were no lighter than the rest of her hair. She'd thrown on her pea coat and some boots as well. God, why did she look cute in everything?

We drove in relative silence, though it was comfortable. We finally arrived at the apartment, parked, and began hiking up the stairs. The party was already going when we walked in. I saw faces I recognized as my apartment mates' friends or friends of Chloe and Kate; I hadn't invited anyone aside from Allison because the others always invited so many people that there was no need. I usually only brought one or two people in.

"AY! Simon's here with Allison!" Kate called out when we entered.

"My room's been turned in the coat room right there," I pointed, as we walked over to open the door. There was already a tower of coats haphazardly scattered on the floor and bed so, giving Alice a shrug, I unceremoniously tossed her jacket into the heap on the bed. She laughed a little as I rolled my eyes good-naturedly. "Sorry, that's just how it goes apparently. Anyways, feel free to mingle, I'm going to go say hi to a couple people but you don't have to stick with me," I said to Alice.

"Okay," she said with a small smile, "I'm going to grab some food and be social."

Allison POV

I was grateful for Simon's out as we arrived. I casually began to mill through the crowd and stopped to watch a few people playing MarioKart. They finished up a lap and Yoshi took the lead.

"They're going to do Rainbow Road next so it's gonna get really interesting," I heard from beside me.

I turned to find a guy standing by me. He was probably a little taller than Simon and had shaggy brown hair and a close cut beard and was holding a can of beer. Sure enough, I looked back to the screen and saw them gearing up for Rainbow Road. "How did you know that?" I asked, not really engaging but not wanting to be rude as much as my sirens were blaring from my encounter with the guy at the bar.

He shrugged, "I know the girl playing Yoshi, and she loves making her friends suffer through that course at least once every game," he said with a smile, he then stuck out his hand, "I don't think I've met you yet, I'm Colin."

I contemplated for a millisecond and decided he seemed genuinely friendly. I shook his hand, "Allison."

"Who did you come with?"

"My friend Simon invited me."

"Simon Timmons?" he asked.

He had all of my attention now, "Yes, actually, you know him?"

"I grew up locally with him. Good guy, how'd you meet him?"

I didn't feel like conversing too long with this guy, "School," I lied quickly and immediately moved to a new question, "So you'd know Grams as well then?"

"Yeah, Eleanor, she's great. I still remember when Simon moved in with her. Closest living relation and all that. I remember being a little jealous cuz I wanted to live with my grandma," he joked, "Thought it was going to be all sweets and toys like when I got to visit my grandparents."

I smiled and let a laugh escape at that but found the comment slightly troubling as I realized I'd never really thought through Grams and Simon's relationship. Apparently there was backstory. "Well, I'm going to grab something to drink but it was nice to meet you, Colin. Maybe you'll bump into Simon?"

"It was a pleasure meeting you, Allison, I'm going to find you later," he responded with a wink. Confused, but not caring enough to let it bother me, I waved and walked away.

I went over to grab some punch when I heard a familiar voice pipe up, "I wouldn't go for that, I'm pretty sure someone already spiked it." I looked up, meeting a familiar set of frames.

Simon POV

"So what did you have to do to get here to come tonight? Dabble in the dark arts? Sell your soul? Mind control?"

I gave a sarcastic laugh, "Very funny, Chloe, but to your point, I'm not really sure. She just agreed."

"Mmm I love it, she might just be thawing toward you, and a kiss at midnight to seal the deal. Si, you are going to sweep her right off her feet, tonight is the night."

"That's basically the exact opposite of the plan. No kiss."

"What?! Simon! You HAVE to. She came to a New Year's party with you. The implications!"

"She barely thought through the invitation and there were absolutely no nerves on the way here. In fact, I should probably be keeping a better eye on her in case she freaks."

"Why are you guys hanging in the kitchen? Chlo, I've been looking for you everywhere!" Kyle said, joining us.

"Hey, babe," she said, threading her arm through his, "We're just discussing Allison's possibly imminent breakdown."

"Great party topic," Kyle deadpanned. "Maybe you should check on her?"

"I was just about to go do that," Chloe said, giving Kyle a quick peck on the cheek and then diving back into the crowd.

"So is this just normal party jitters or should I be worried?" Kyle asked.

"I'm sure everything's fine but I'd appreciate it if your girlfriend would just leave the whole situation with Allison be for a night," I said tiredly.

"Really," he said in surprise, "Well, this might surprise you, but I think she might have the right idea. You're moving too slow."

"Okay, hold up. Have I not made clear how it could damage irreparably the foundation of trust I'm trying to build if I move too fast?" I asked in exasperation.

Kyle rolled his eyes, "Dude. I think at this point you're putting off the inevitable. Why stay in limbo?"

"It's not like that, Kyle," I tried to explain.

"We can get The Game started and find out for sure," Kyle suggested, only half-teasing.

"Oh my god, that is literally the worst idea you've had yet."

"Oh, please, it'd give you the perfect setup."

"We are NOT playing The Game. I'm almost sorry I ever invented it," I said, trailing off as Chloe came pushing through the crowd with a cup in hand.

"What're we talking about here?" she asked, rejoining us.

"Kyle's trying to convince me to revive The Game."

"Oh my gosh, that game was amazing, Simon. Probably your biggest undergrad achievement," Chloe said, also half-serious.

"Thanks, it's not happening," I said, inviting no discussion. Chloe rolled her eyes. "Status update would be nice?" I prompted.

"Okay, good news, Allison's in the living room, bad news, she got scoped out by Colin Finch who I heard bragging about her as his new first pick for midnight. Other good news, she's sitting with Grant now, bad news, she seems pretty upset and agitated so I think she's realizing something with the whole Colin deal," she reported dutifully.

Kyle and Chloe gave a pointed glance as I frowned at this new intel regarding Colin. He was not exactly on my good list, and certainly not if he was going to set Alice off by trying to kiss her at midnight. Especially when it should be me, a small part of me whispered but I pushed it away. "Okay, fine, both of you. I'm going to find Allison at midnight if only to shield her from any scavengers like Colin. Happy?"

"Sure, Simon," Chloe said, rolling her eyes and taking a sip from the cup of punch, which immediately made her pull a face, "in other news, someone definitely spiked the punch."

Allison POV

"Grant! Thanks, I'll steer clear then," I said with a smile.

"How are you?" he asked, "Long time no see."

"I'm good, it's been a lovely holiday season. Yourself?"

"Good, real good. How are the twins?"

"You know, crawling, babbling, spitting up on me at the most inopportune moments," I joked, "but they're good. Grams is amazing for putting up with them so much."

"Oh, please, Grams loves having kids around again. She's going to kill Simon if he doesn't give her great-grandkids to spoil," he said with a smile. I laughed and lit up as I saw a couch open up in the living room. I was about to say something but Grant followed my gaze, "You better move quick," he said. I looked at him in confusion. "You gotta grab it the moment it opens up or it disappears for the rest of the night; speaking from experience," he said with a smile. "Do you mind if I sit with you for a bit? Kate's always been a lot more of a social butterfly than me and I'm going to stay out of her way for a while," he explained, "I assume you wanted to sit but if not that's fine too."

"No, no, let's grab it while we can," I said, practically running over to it with Grant close behind. "Are you serious about the whole grabbing it while you can."

We both sat down quickly, "You would not believe how long I had to stand hoping for a spot after seeing one mere seconds before during last year's party," he stated with mock gravity.

I started laughing at the entire situation. "You should be allowed sit wherever, it's your apartment, doesn't that equal like, permanent dibs?"

"Oh try tell that to the couple sitting on the chair over there, 'yes, excuse me, I live here and would prefer you not dry hump on our furniture thanks,'" he said. I followed his nod and indeed a couple was already sloppily making out with each, obviously pretty drunk already. "You'd think they'd wait for an hour," he said with a bit of disgust.

"What do mean?" I asked.

"I mean it's like 11, it's not that long," he said with a laugh.

Not that long…why was I getting a strange feeling. And then suddenly everything clicked. I was so dumb. It was New Year's Eve. Everything made sense. Why there were so many people in pairs throughout the apartment, why the couple was making a scene, why Colin had struck up a conversation with me. Everyone was frantically pairing off to ring in the New Year with someone. Someone they'd kiss... and maybe more by the looks of some the couples around me. I was so sooooo stupid. A floodgate of anxiety was opened as worrisome possibilities and questions started racing through my mind, almost too quickly to even process.

"Allison, are you alright?" Grant asked in concern.

I must have been deathly pale. "I have to leave."

"Allison, what's wro-"

"I have to leave right now, oh my gosh," I restated, turning frantic as I went to stand up, Grant caught my arm though.

"Hey, hey, slow down there. Sit," he said, speaking calmly despite the din of the other partygoers. I surprisingly listened to him. "Breathe."

I took a deep breath trying to collect myself, "Grant," I started, my voice terse with the effort it took to keep it steady, "I'm sorry, it's been lovely talking with you but I really really need to leave."

"Talk to me, Allison, can you tell me why?" he asked patiently, letting go of my arm.

"Why do you need a reason?" I asked, "I want- I need to leave."

"Allison, I know you barely know me, but you can talk to me, okay? But first, I want you to sit her and just breathe. Trust me, I'm in school right now to become a psychiatrist so I can help people like you."

I took in a few deep breaths and slowly let them out. "Thank you, Grant. I-I think that's really admirable of you. But I really just…I'm sorry, this is absolutely pathetic," I said quietly.

"No, it's not," he said reassuringly, "Take a minute." He let me collect myself further sitting with me in silence for what felt like an eternity before he posed a question. "Can you please tell me what I've said to upset you?"

I took in an unsteady breath, "You didn't really say anything I just…I just…it's New Year Eve."

"Yes?" he responded patiently, obviously still confused.

"I just, I hadn't put together the pieces that I'd been invited to a New Year's party."

"Which is significant because...?"

I let out a bark of derisive laughter. "I'm terrified, Grant, I'm terrified of possibilities that haven't even arisen and that I can easily avoid. For goodness sake, the mere idea of what New Year's Eve entails has me running for the hills."

I watched his face carefully and suddenly saw understanding dawn. His gaze turned analytical and I could practically see the gears turning in his mind, sifting through the information I'd given him and the conclusions he was drawing from it. His scrutiny became uncomfortable as I began to feel he was seeing much further into my psyche than I was willing to delve.

"I see," he said slowly and somewhat enigmatically. He seemed to be weighing his next words.

"Do you?" I asked, unable to keep the bitterness out of my tone.

"I do," he said meeting my eyes steadily, "I wonder if you do though."

"To what could you possibly be referring?" I asked, a disbelieving laugh leaving me as I looked up at the ceiling.

"Why does Simon scare you so much, Allison?"

"What?" I asked in absolute surprise, my gaze snapping to meet his.

"Why are you afraid of Simon?" he rephrased evenly.

"I'm- I'm not scared of Simon, that's absolutely ridiculous," I said dismissively, hysterical laugher bubbling out of me.

"Then why are you so agitated right now?" he continued to pry, pushing me toward revelations I didn't want to have.

"Because of Colin, he's going to find me for midnight," I said…it wasn't a total lie. He looked like he was about to say more before the music in the background was suddenly interrupted by an alarm on the phone. "Fifteen minutes!" a voice called out.

"Well, that's my cue to go find Kate," Grant said standing up, "it was lovely to talk with you, I'm sorry you ended up so upset, but I hope you won't hold it against me," he said gently.

"I'll see you around," I said quietly, looking down at my hands.

"You're not broken, Allison. You just need to heal," he said wisely, "and sometimes in order to heal you have to hurt first. Don't shy away from that pain."

And suddenly he was gone. I looked at the clock; a little more than ten minutes. I rationalized quickly. Simon wouldn't. He wasn't. There was absolutely nothing there; he was my friend. I just had to stay away from Colin. I refused to entertain any other possibilities, but how was I going to do this?

I took in a deep breath and scanned the party looking for any familiar faces. I saw Colin chatting with a few guys near the entrance to the living room, it would be hard to sneak past him until he moved, although I could move opposite him without attracting his attention, though I would have to watch for rogues. Five minutes. I left the couch and continued to scan. I didn't see any of the hosts which meant they were likely in the kitchen/dining room area, the only other open parts in the apartment. Then inspiration struck: the bathroom. As long as I could get in and stay for a little while, Colin would find someone else.

Simon POV

I couldn't find her anywhere. She'd left the couch and I couldn't pick her out of the crowd in the apartment. God, we were probably breaking fire code. I continued to wander through the crowd. I only had four minutes. I'm not going to kiss her, it will ruin everything, I argued with myself. Or will it finally make things clear, another part argued back. Why did Kyle have to plant doubt in my mind?

Allison POV

The bathroom was past the living room entry where Colin was standing and I was relieved when he finally started roaming, obviously looking for me, or at least someone. Three minutes. I started slowly making my way to the doorway weaving through couples who were chattering excitedly.

Simon POV

I caught a brief glance of her, she was in the room, but she was quickly lost once again in the crowd…as if she were avoiding someone. I looked toward the opposite end of the room and spotted Colin who started toward the doorway. I nonchalantly went to cut him off, knowing he'd probably caught sight of Alice. I checked my watch: less than two minutes. What am I doing? What is the plan? Kiss her! I'm not going to kiss her! It's New Year's Eve, you've been holding onto this for too long; just do it. DON'T DO IT. My thoughts warred. "You are so overthinking this," I said under my breath.

Allison POV

Colin caught sight of me at the doorway, I had to pretend to not be terrified as he quickly started toward me, obviously a little tipsy. I ducked away back into the crowd and ran straight into Simon as people started counting down.

"Simon," I said breathlessly, one of his hands coming to rest on my shoulder, the other suddenly at my waist. I peeked over my shoulder and saw Colin looking disgruntled as he caught sight of us and turned away. A wave of relief crashed over me as I distantly heard the count down continue with more fervor. I smiled and looked back at Simon, but froze the moment I met his eyes. The next thing I knew, his arm had wrapped further around my waist as he pulled me in and let his lips land softly on mine.