2.

What made a heart?

Ienzo's head was aching again. It'd been years, truly, since he'd been a scholar of it, as he'd told Sora. Seeing the annals of their old research-and all the implications therein-wasn't helping. Truly, after all that had happened, they understood almost nothing-but they understood more than the guardians, which was why they were useful.

He had a heart, now.

The rush of trying to find a body for Roxas had left him with little time to consider the impacts of being Ienzo. The tides of emotion, as much as he tried to keep them at bay, were always threatening him. He didn't have time to drown, to fall apart-nor did he want to. Being here was humiliating enough.

The neophytes had all wanted hearts, humanity, in the Organization days. But Zexion hadn't, not for a heartbeat (ha ha). A Nobody's mind, for him, had been largely stabilizing-he had the wherewithal to realize that now. It tamped down on the ever-present anxiety, reduced the ache of old traumas. Let him think clearly, cleanly.

Let him commit atrocities.

Was this who he really was, below it all? True, without a heart one was unfettered by inhibitions, societal expectations. Secondly, he'd been completely focused on the morally good since he woke. The committee. Sora. Stopping Xehanort, the one who pushed him onto this path.

Ienzo looked to his left, to the sealed door that led down to their labs. Nobody had the gall to go down there since. Almost as if possessed, he stood slowly, walked over to the keypad, and laid his hand on it. Considering his radical change in size, it didn't read the palmprint, so instead he was forced to manually type in the numbers-something he did almost with muscle memory.

Why was he doing this? What answers would he find? Perhaps some paper reports which could be of use?

(At least, this was what he told himself.)

Ienzo took a deep breath. Took two. He held out his hand and called for the lexicon.

None of the others here, save Demyx, had access to their weapons. One had to be very closely bonded with that essence of the self for it to remain. Considering he'd had it twelve years, it was only suitable he had it still. This object, on its own, was purely neutral. But unlike Demyx's sitar, it had changed shape, color; no longer that deep sage green but a sort of lavender, the Nobody insignia replaced with a heart. His psyche was more than a little literal, which was disappointing.

But Ienzo's magic was limited. Gone were the days of intense, gorgeous spellwork, complex illusions. He was stuck with the same arsenal as any Joe or Jane on the street, reduced from a powerful mage to someone who was exhausted by second-tier spells.

Down here, he may need to defend himself.

He turned on his gummiphone's flashlight, set it in his pocket. The white light was cold. Power still ran down here, though more so in an emergency capacity. He walked down, and down, and down that ramp, dreading the walk up, because to his newly-weakened form, it was bound to be exhausting.

What was he looking to find?

There was no darkness here anymore. The basement was just a basement, and the only smell that existed was must and likely mold. He realized he was breathing hard. A thin film of memory played over his consciousness; talking with their victims, as a child, manipulating them into revealing information which would promptly be used to break them. It took little to make or break a heart.

Worse, he remembered such manipulations giving him a sort of pleasure. Not much had come easily to him as a child, and he was praised endlessly for this work, a praise which bolstered his anxiety.

Was it really Xehanort that made him this? He tried to think. There had been a time when he, as a young man, insisted on spending time with Ienzo, playing endless games of chess (which Ienzo had hated, and still did). In between this, he did recall Xehanort asking him to speak to Ansem regarding the construction of this very lab. As his son, Ienzo held an enormous influence over the king. Ask him for the world, and he'll give it to you on a string , Xehanort had said, his voice like gravel. This is for the greater good.

He scoffed aloud. All it did was wreak a legacy of suffering all the World over. How many worlds had fallen? How many people had simply died? He didn't even know.

Ienzo took another breath and faced the lab. The containment cells were all the same as he remembered, some of them having gouge marks in the floor from their victims' transformations. Stuffing of mattresses everywhere, mirrors shattered.

He was not here to gawk. He was here to gather data. He forced himself to walk past all these rooms towards the offices.

The place was a wreck, papers scattered and torn everywhere. He knelt and began sweeping them together. He should've brought a bag; there was no way he could read it all quickly enough for it to enter the lexicon.

Behind him he heard something like a whisper. Ienzo turned and saw the Heartless, its gold eyes bulging. He groaned. Heartless were much fewer than they used to be, but that didn't mean they were gone. Darkness, after all, still existed. Slowly, he stood. "Alright," he muttered. "Let's see what I can still do."

Fira and Thundara seemed to do nothing to the Novashadow's defenses; all it did was make the creature angry. It hissed and scrambled towards him. What a stupid room to cast a spell in; Ienzo would have to pass it to get through the only exit. So much for being a master tactician. Even an idiot wouldn't make this mistake. He tried to launch a Stopra spell at it, but all it did was slow it down. Is my magic really this terrible, or is this thing just bizarrely strong? He had no clue. He tried to force his way past it, but its claw scratched his left arm, grabbing it. The grip felt more human than what Heartless were capable of, and Ienzo's adrenaline-addled mind made the connection.

Not all of their victims had burrowed into the realm of darkness. This one had been watching-waiting, for this precise moment to seek revenge. He tried to pull his arm free, but all this did was slice into it further, a heavy edge of pain making everything dull. He chanced another spell, pulling hard within himself for a third-tier. The Firaga made it possible to free his body, and he ran, blood loss making him woozy; using such a powerful spell only worsened it. He had maybe one or two spells left before he risked knocking himself unconscious, and he had to use one to heal his wounds.

Ienzo was weaker than Zexion in more than one way. Zexion had never been physically strong, but he'd at the very least been in shape, able to comfortably run for long periods of time. Ienzo was an academic who was sedentary most of the time. His lungs seemed to burn as he tried to make his way up the ramp. Adrenaline could only help so much. The Heartless scrambled after him. He could see the door. A bit more. If you don't do this you will die.

(Would that be such a bad thing?)

He made it at last, sealing the door shut behind him and hearing the Heartless beat and wail against the metal, which had been made to contain darkness (this had happened before, during those days). He dropped to his knees. It hurt to breathe, his vision swarming with dots.

Ienzo realized he was still bleeding. He'd healed his arm, but the Heartless had gotten more than his arm; it had punctured his side, and only now did he feel the pain. The wound didn't look infected with darkness, but that didn't matter. He pressed his hand against the wound in a vain attempt to staunch the bleeding. That had been more than careless; it was reckless. If he didn't get help soon he'd likely bleed out.

Which would mean confessing this stupidity. He groaned. He reached for his gummiphone. The dizziness was only worsening. Without dark corridors, it would take someone at least fifteen minutes to walk to him, time he might not have.

How fragile people really are, he thought woozily. He tried to slip off his lab coat for better padding, but this meant he had to let go of the pressure on his side, and the sight of his own blood caused him to quite literally swoon. He held the cloth against the wound and lay down. He dialed Even and heard the line ringing emptily into space.

Pick up, bastard. But the line kept ringing. So much for promising to protect me. Who could Even be calling at this hour? Did he want to know?

Ienzo was losing time, and he suspected, consciousness. What a righteously stupid way to die, he thought.

Something wet and cold was dumped onto his side. He flinched, treading awareness. Even had finally come. But the voice Ienzo heard wasn't his.

"Ienzo? Can you hear me?"

A jolt of adrenaline and memory forced his eyes open, and his hand snapped up to his throat.

Riku was crouching over him, an empty potion bottle in one hand. The boy's brows were furrowed in concern.

"When did you get here?" he said dazedly.

"Not more than a few minutes ago-the time differences. I didn't realize it would be the middle of the night. But none of that matters. What happened to you?"

Ienzo tried to sit up, but Riku forced him down.

"Let the potion finish working. Drink this." He was handed another. "You really bled a lot."

He did so. "I suppose I should thank you." Humiliation broke through his haze.

"Did someone attack you? What were you doing down here, by yourself, at night?"

He scowled despite himself. It was galling to be told off by someone younger than him. "In a manner of speaking."

He nodded. "Heartless."

"Isn't it always." The potion tasted oily, slimy, but it was making things clearer. "My magic… was not sufficient. I'm quite a lot weaker than the person you faced those months ago."

Riku was clearly not expecting him to bring that up; his eyebrows shot up.

"I know we agreed to start over… forgive me."

"It's okay." Wound closed, Riku eased him into a sitting position. Ienzo noted with irritation that his own clothes were soaked in blood. "Well, you're lucky I got here when I did."

"...This looks like a scene from a tawdry horror novel," he agreed, wrinkling his nose. He sighed. "Thank you. Truly." He wished he felt grateful, but mostly Ienzo felt annoyed.

"Least I can do. You're all working so hard to find Sora-which is more than what I can do right now."

""Least I can…"" Ienzo repeated. "More like this is the least I can do, after all that. I wish I had good news for you. I've been trying almost everything-" Perhaps it was his own vertigo, perhaps it was the thought of Castle Oblivion, but Ienzo thought he felt the beginnings of an idea.

An idea which might help them find Sora. An insane, potentially lethal idea.

"Riku." He swallowed. "Perhaps your appearance was more than a little fortuitous."

"Well, we can talk about it in the morning. You're still weak. You should get to bed."

"First there's the matter of-all this." He gestured to the blood. "I'd have a lot of explaining to do if I merely left it."

"...You're pretty level-headed, all things considering."

Ienzo shrugged. "Must be. I'm sorry this is how you found me. Not very flattering, is it?"

He chuckled. "I guess not." Riku helped him to his feet. Ienzo nearly fainted again, and while he stayed standing, his eyes must have rolled, because Riku continued, "I should take you."

"I'll be fine." His knees were shaking.

"You lost a lot of blood. Cure and a potion can't completely fix that."

"I'm sure you're tired from travelling-"

"Think I can stay awake long enough to get you home." He used a water spell to mop up the mess; they both watched the blood vanish into nothing. "Come on."

Ienzo hated to admit it, but he was grateful for Riku's presence; he was rather faint, a combination of exhaustion and blood loss making him feel a bit giddy.

"You'll have to tell me where it is. I can't remember."

"Made all the harder by all the collapsed passes. No matter. I could find my way there in my sleep-I practically have." He shook his head. "I'm sure Kairi will be grateful to see you, regardless of how late it is."

"...How is she?"

Ienzo tried to think. "Physically well. Mentally exhausted. This is all taking a bit of a toll on her-not that I can blame her. I'm not sure which is worse-to lose all that time sleeping, or to be repeatedly woken to find out it's been in vain."

"...It's early yet. It took Sora a year to recover his memories-it might take a little more than a month to find him." His tone had darkened. "He'll come back when he's meant to. We just have to call out to him."

"I do not… know him very well, but it pains me, to have him go through all that and then not be able to enjoy the hard-won peace."

Riku sighed. "You're telling me," he said, with a shake of his head. "I used to hate my home… now I want nothing more than to go back to it with the two of them. I think I've had enough adventure for one lifetime."

His droll tone made Ienzo smile. "Quite."

"We've got time, relatively speaking," Riku said. "You, me. Sora and Kairi. We've got the rest of our lives. What's a little more waiting?"

"I suppose that is wise."

They made it at last. Ienzo told Riku where he could find Kairi, where a spare room could be found for his own rest. He bathed again, to get off the vestiges of the blood and potion, and forced down a pint of juice, despite its bristling sweetness. He set aside his clothing for disposal in the morning. The only good thing about this injury was that it allowed him to sleep deeply, and without dreams, and he woke up disoriented a little before noon.

Ienzo could not remember the last time he'd slept eight consecutive hours-maybe he never had. He still felt dizzy, but a bit better. He really should spend the day resting and recuperating, but that spark of an idea was starting to burn brighter. He was not even sure it was possible , but if it was, it might solve all their problems. He had to go to the libraries and see what he could find.

He dumped his soiled clothing into the trash incinerator.

"Zo! Sleeping in, I see. Feels good, right?"

Ienzo flinched. He tried to remind himself to be pleasant. His handful of sleep helped. "Last night was a late one," he admitted vaguely.

Demyx smiled. "You guys all work way too hard. Not good for you."

Ienzo tried to smother the flicker of irritation. "Well, I'm afraid our leisure time must take a backseat to our work."

He shook his head. "Hey, listen, I work hard now too. Just ask the boss."

He raised an eyebrow.

"I really do!" Demyx said. "But, it's like, you have to take care of yourself. Or else-" He blew a raspberry and waved his hand. "Sora… wouldn't want you to run yourself into the ground."

Several thoughts flitted through Ienzo's mind, but all he could think to say was, "Why is it you care?" Even in this new phase of their lives, Ienzo hadn't exactly been warm.

He dropped his eyes and rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, we're roomies, right?"

""Roomies."" He shook his head.

"And… I don't know, do we have to be ride or die for me to care whether or not you… die?" He flinched at his own language. "I'm a person now. Empathy, blah blah."

Ienzo realized too slowly that Demyx was likely reeling from this new life just as he was. "That's sweet of you," he said.

He frowned. "Hey, I'm trying to be nice."

"I'm being perfectly genuine." It felt odd. "I know I've been…" He trailed off.

"All over the place?" Demyx offered. "I think this is the longest I've seen you standing still since I've lived here. Always running around with books."

Ienzo was surprised he'd noticed-but why? "I see your reconnaissance skills haven't atrophied away."

He shrugged. "You're all pretty interesting to watch." A pause. Then, "I was going to go grab lunch. Want to come with?"

Ienzo wasn't completely sure why, but he said, "Sure."

The light, when they got outside, hurt his eyes for a moment. The early summer day was warm, warmer than the drafty castle, and he found himself almost sweating. Flowers, more unkempt than they used to be, filled the plaza with color. Ienzo felt tempted to crouch and pick one, just to remind himself it was real.

"How old are you?" Demyx asked suddenly.

"...Why is it you ask?"

He shrugged. "I realized I didn't know."

"Nineteen. No-" He tried to think. "What day is it?"

Demyx told him.

"Twenty."

His eyes widened. "You had a birthday and you didn't tell me?"

" I barely knew. Besides. It's a nonissue." Odd to realize it. How fitting, to begin this new decade of his life as his old self. To finally be rid of that horrid "-teen" and truly be an adult. He laughed a little.

"...What's so funny?"

"I've been pretending to be a grown up for so long. Now I really am one."

"What does it feel like?"

"...What indeed." He shook his head. "I'll tell you when I know. What about you?"

"Huh?"

"How old are you?" They couldn't be far apart, Ienzo knew.

"Twenty-two. I think."

He canted his head. "Don't you know?"

"Well, I, uh." He laughed awkwardly and knotted his hands. "How do I put this- I kind of don't remember anything."

Ienzo stopped in his tracks.

"So what are you feeling like? Cause I found this bomb noodle place-"

"Demyx."

He turned. His face was red.

"I figured…" Ienzo blinked. "Much like Lea uses his old name indiscriminately… but… you don't remember your old name, do you?"

Slowly, he shook his head. "Even tried to track it down in the Organization's old files. No dice. It's all-" He drew a finger across his throat. "Redacted."

Suddenly Demyx's previous hesitation to become human made a whole lot more sense. To be a Nobody meant one was strong-willed… a strong will was typically born of pain and hardship. He must not have wanted to risk remembering. "Oh… why didn't you say something?"

He gave Ienzo a look. "I'm pretty sure this is the longest conversation you and I have had since we've been here."

He had a point. Ienzo turned back to the road. "I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"...I'm afraid I was judging your choices rather harshly. But in context… it was quite sensible of you."

His tone darkened, and he looked away. "That's me," he said softly. "Sensible Demyx. I mean…" He exhaled. "Why do you think I didn't go home?"

"I figured your world might still be sleeping."

"For all I know, it might be." He bit his lip. "I've had worse digs, you know? New place… but familiar faces… Got to get my shit together sometime."

"...Indeed." He considered taking the plunge. "Are you happy here?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Loaded question."

Deja vu, Ienzo thought.

"I…" He looked skyward. "I like my job, I like getting to talk to people, I like not having to hide. To have time for my music. Waking up not dreading every day? I guess that's happiness. ...I guess. What about you?"

"...You're right. That is a loaded question."

Demyx smiled. "Thought you'd be happy, though. You and your dads all in one place."

He flinched.

"What? Did I say something?"

"I'm afraid our… relationships are rather… complicated, at the moment."

This wasn't enough to satisfy him. "Like… how?"

Ienzo found himself wanting to tell him, if so to at least say the words aloud and make them real. At the same time… should he open this one small vein in himself… what else might come out?

"Too personal?" Demyx prompted.

"Of a sort, but…" It took a lot of work. "They… they betrayed me."

"...How?"

"Ansem the Wise is my adoptive father."

"...I know that. Guy barely shuts up about you. Thinks the sun shines out your ass."

"Even, Dilan, Aeleus. Braig too, I suppose, but he's not here. They… took Ansem, their friend, their king … and forced him into the realm of darkness for the sake of continuing the experiments." His hands were trembling.

"And then they lied to you about it," Demyx said slowly, with revelation. "... "They told me you'd gone mad.""

"You have a… rather good memory for dialogue."

He shrugged. "I'm sorry."

"You've done nothing wrong."

"I'm still sorry. And now you gotta live with the guys, work with them. Yikes. Big yikes."

"Perhaps once this Sora business is settled, I will hash things out with them."

"Tear 'em new ones. I'll help."

This was meant to make him laugh, and it did, chasing away the lump in his throat.

"...You have a nice laugh. I don't think I've ever heard it."

Ienzo felt the blood rush to his face. "You needn't flatter me."

"I meant it." He winked. "Now, really, what do you want to eat? I'm starving."

Ienzo was still dizzy. The sensible thing to do would be to go to Even, admit his blunder and that he'd needed to be rescued, and have himself examined. Instead, he tried to sit often and ply himself with fluids. Irritating, to constantly have to duck out to relieve himself, but better than the alternative.

He found Riku later that day. Riku, of all people, would understand where he was coming from, was the least likely to say he was losing his mind. He messaged him and found him sitting in one of the castle gardens, with Kairi.

Much like the rest of the castle, the gardens too were in disrepair, overgrown or dying, but for the first time Ienzo noticed differences. Things had been pruned, bags of weeds sat waiting for disposal. Was it Kairi who was doing this, in her spare time? He didn't know who else would care.

"There you are," Kairi said. "Come sit outside. It's nice." Odd to see them out of their adventuring clothes, in clothes normal teenagers might wear; Ienzo realized he, too, probably looked strange without the frame of his black or white jackets.

In another life we might have really been friends, he thought. "It is, isn't it?" he said, neutrally. He joined them at the small wrought iron table. They were drinking iced tea; Kairi offered him some.

"Happy birthday, by the way," Kairi said.

Ienzo huffed. "I suppose Demyx told you."

Riku laughed a little. "He… certainly is a character. Thought so ever since I spoke to him in the Keyblade Graveyard."

He shook his head. "An unanticipated addition to our plan, but ended up being a necessary one. Who would've thought."

"He's been pretty nice to me," Kairi said, swishing the liquid around in her glass. "I think he's lonely."

"I'm afraid I haven't been an inviting host." Ienzo sighed.

"A lot on your mind," Riku said.

"Putting it lightly. Though… I believe I may have stumbled upon something that may be of use."

The shift in their energies was instant and complete; Kairi's expression became sharper.

"You recall… in the Organization days, we all had an elemental attribute. Riku, I'm afraid you know this all too well." He realized his hands were shaking, and he rested them in his lap, out of sight. "I could create complex, sensorily intense illusions. I created these illusions from the memories of my adversaries… as well as my own."

They were both silent, their attention rapt. It was hard to look at them.

"I was curious to see if… I could somehow regain and use this power to help trace Sora's heart. Naminé's power functioned similarly. It's nothing I've ever done… but it's something I'd be willing to try. With my knowledge of the heart, I feel like… it's at the very least worth a shot."

"But you don't have that power any more, do you?" Riku asked. "I don't want you to give up your humanity again just for Sora."

"I'm sure he'd say the same," Kairi added.

"Oh, I don't intend to." Though would that be the worst thing? To let go of this pain but still be of use, still be able to atone? "I was hoping to see if I could… find it independently. Train it, so to speak. I'm not sure it's possible… but I would very much like to try."

"If you think it's a good idea, then I trust you," Kairi said. Her wide blue eyes telegraphed hope.

How had he earned that trust? Ienzo tried to keep his expression neutral, all-knowing. "That's all well and good-seeing as I'd likely have to see your memories. Riku can attest to this-it's not a pleasant sensation." He touched his chest. "You two are so closely linked. If I can trace the chains of your memory, maybe I can find his-which would give us some insight as to what's going on with him."

"I have nothing to hide," she said fervently. "I'm in."

Riku seemed a bit skeptical. "Is it possible?"

"To be honest-I'm not sure. I truly hope so."

"Well, don't do anything crazy. Sora did-which is how we ended up here."

"It's thanks to him I'm alive," Kairi said to him. "I'll do anything to get him back."

Riku nodded once. "I will too. Ienzo. What do you need from us?"

"I only need you not to mention it to Even or Ansem, at least at the moment. Our relationships are… complicated. The last thing I need is for them to get tied back up in investigating darkness or nothing again. I will do this on my own."

"Famous last words," Riku said, with a shake of his head. "Alright. But be careful."

"I warn you, this may take some time. It might not even be physiologically possible for me. And should I find that power, it will likely take a good deal of time for me to get it strong enough to function as I need it to. Meanwhile… let's keep going as we were."

Kairi nodded. "I can do that."

"You could try asking Merlin or Master Yen Sid about it," Riku suggested. "They know a lot about magic."

Different kinds of magic than Ienzo would use. "A good idea. I'll keep it in mind."

He turned his new idea over and over again in his mind, as they put Kairi back into her sleep, as they tried to delve into matters of her heart…

"Even?"

"What?" Even's voice was flat, the same way it always was when he was focusing hard on something.

"Our Nobody abilities. Are they completely, irrevocably gone?"

This got his attention. He locked eyes with Ienzo, smoothing hair out of his face. "I should hope so," he said. "Why is it you ask?"

"Mere curiosity, I suppose."

He shot Ienzo a look. "Naturally the use of dark corridors is the first thing to go. We know that retaining weapons is something of a crapshoot as well, being extensions of a person's will. Magic, too, takes a sharp nosedive, but can be strengthened again. As for our "elemental" attributes…" He sighed. "They are the most concentrated essence of the self, a power mainlined directly from the will. A power so strong it can only exist in the absence of a heart-otherwise, everyone would have it, wouldn't they?" A shrug. "The power favors entropy, which a Nobody's body accepts with ease-but should a human try to use that power, they risk melting their own cells and organs, spending their lifeforce itself to keep it going."

"But that's merely theory," Ienzo said.

"All we do is theorize-and often we're right." He put a hand on his hip. "This isn't something that can be humanely tested."

"That's never stopped us before," Ienzo muttered.

"Well I certainly hope now to cause no harm," Even spat. "Boy, I know you must feel different, missing pieces of yourself. But there's no need for you to seek such things. What would it accomplish?" He turned and softened a little; the strangeness of compassion on his face brought back a punch of memory from the past. Even, comforting him during one of his many anxiety attacks. Even, talking him through the nightmares. "You don't truly need such power. Fewer Heartless than ever before, and the town's defense system will care for the rest. You are safe."

Ienzo considered the irony of that statement, the still-aching remains of the wound on his side. "Don't you feel quite a lot weaker?"

Even looked away from him, towards the empty warehouse space beyond the computer. "I feel no need to lose my heart a third time," he said. "I've wasted enough time dallying about, committing crimes against humanity. To atone, I need to be human-that much is clear." A sigh. "Negative emotion is not weakness, Ienzo. It is natural. Useful."

"Natural." He shook his head. "It does not feel that way."

Even locked eyes with him. For a moment, it seemed almost like the other man would touch him. "Does humanity feel… very alien, to you?"

Anxiety washed over him, coolly. He tried to think of something clever to say.

"...Well, I'm afraid that was a fruitless endeavor." Ansem's footsteps seemed deafening. "Merlin couldn't tell me anything I didn't already know. His words-we're the experts."

"How frustrating," Ienzo said.

"Research is frustration," Ansem said simply. "Until you find that spark."

Even had turned back to the computer, flicking through a few different documents. The blankness of his expression seemed rather composed. The tension in the room had increased palpably, as it always did when they were together. Ienzo suddenly felt very envious of Kairi, in her quiet dreamland. He walked over to her, pretended to fiddle with her IV, the blanket draped over her. It was reassuring to have an ally, even an unconscious one.

I will do everything I can, he thought towards her. Even if it kills me.

What was his life, to save a brighter light?