6.
He tried to let himself grow. He spent those few hours in the lab, with Even and Ansem and Kairi. Dutifully, he continued to feed himself and sleep the requisite eight hours. He practiced normal black magic, unrelated to his power. Occasionally, considering they were now "friends," he spent time with Demyx.
Ienzo wasn't sure if he were simply unused to casual conversation, or if Demyx were truly eccentric. He did have quite a lot of amusing stories about his customers, as well as Scrooge, who was by all accounts quite the character. So slowly, Ienzo began to stop seeing their relationship as it used to be, and began seeing it as it was. After all, Demyx was one of the only people he knew roughly his age.
They walked, got lunch and endless cups of coffee. Ienzo found himself… looking forward to it, whenever Demyx asked him to meet up, rather than dreading those texts. A handful of times he accompanied Demyx on deliveries, and found to his surprise that he was indeed competent at his job. Scrooge tried to rope Ienzo into porting as well, in his own jovial, oddly-accented way, and he had to evade out of the conversation quickly.
But beneath these pieces… something else began to emerge, something Ienzo initially confused for companionship, or kinship. A warmth, a start of the heart. He no longer minded when Demyx touched him casually in conversation-a hand on the shoulder, a playful punch, a "hey come on" take of the hand when going somewhere. The touch… evoked something in him, vague and weirdly insidious.
Ienzo began to notice things.
The subtle way his hair blended, brown to blonde, the way he seemed to be so slowly growing it into something different. The precise color green his eyes turned when light hit them just right. How easily he moved through space, how comfortable he was in his own body. The way his lips moved when he spoke, the rhythm of his speech.
Why was it Ienzo was focusing on these things? What did it mean?
On the verge of sleep, weighed down by one of his pills, it came to him.
Oh. Oh no.
In his brief hours in the lab he was distracted, terrified. He thought he'd understood this as a Nobody, but it was clear he'd had no idea.
His humanity was waking up. So were… other things.
Demyx had mentioned a desire for a partner of some sort. Unlikely at the time he'd meant Ienzo. Ienzo had written all of that off as too difficult to compute. He figured he may be asexual and was fine with that. He'd no need for anything physical. Messy. Complicated.
He… was not asexual.
Ienzo began to feel something almost like a pull, between them. A desire for that innocent touch, a squeeze of the hand. Was it possible he felt this way because, again, Demyx was the only person he knew his age? It seemed natural that, with the awakening of these feelings, he'd latch onto whoever was closest.
It made him feel pathetic, and not quite in control of himself, not that he changed his outward interactions. If emotions were difficult to reign, hormones were completely impossible. He started having vague dreams of longing-arguably worse than the nightmares-and woke up frustrated in a wholly new way. Difficult, and embarrassing, to be finishing puberty at this age. He said nothing about it to anyone. Those few times he woke to find stains on his sheets and clothing, he took care of it and pretended nothing happened.
Why did this have to be happening now? Of all the confounding variables?
Ienzo needed to ride out this attraction until its inevitable end. To even entertain the idea of anything more substantial than quickly-quashed daydreams was insane. So, sweetly he asked Even if, considering he's feeling so much better , he may add a few more hours to his day, and thank you so much for the medicine. Ego stroked and paternity soothed, Even agreed. With his remaining hours, he began so tentatively to work on his power.
He could still manipulate the lexicon with relative ease, so that had been gained. Finding the illusion was going to be so much harder. He spent hours trying to recall how that felt, to create things where there was nothing, then trying to draw simple objects from memory. And they were drawings, barely-perceptible flickerings in the air, but the exertion still made him gasp for breath. Though it was progress. At least Ienzo had something to tell Kairi and Riku when he saw them face to face, or over the phone. At least he could give them hope.
But Demyx wasn't that easy to brush off. "Zo, are you ignoring me?" he asked. His tone was joking, but Ienzo felt vaguely caught. (And vaguely angry that "Zo" was growing on him.)
"I've been taking a few more hours since I've been doing better," he said.
"You're not… pushing it too hard, are you?" he asked.
"I'm trying not to." And he was; with magic use, he needed to be doubly careful how he treated his body.
Was it the light, or did he blush? "I miss our hangouts."
Just the right thing to trip Ienzo up, to make his heart flutter- it's merely hormones, control yourself. "As do I."
"I mean, I know this is like, important, big-picture stuff. But…" He hesitated. "Do you… have time, later? Just to talk?"
The sensible thing to do would be to nicely brush him off. "Maybe a few moments," he said instead. How strange, to be at odds with his mind. A first.
He smiled. It was a wide, uncontained grin, one that changed his face, made it seem softer. "The greenhouse?"
Ienzo nodded once. "I'll see you then."
Only once he had returned to scouring data did he realize that getting both of them together in an enclosed, private space was one of the stupider moves he could've made. Demyx had blushed. Demyx had smiled. Was it possible that this… whatever it was… was mutual? Or was Demyx also merely feeling the backlog of hormonal impulses blunted by Nobody biology?
(And did it matter? Would it be so terrible to explore these feelings?)
(Yes, it would. Should it go south-the likely conclusion-they still lived together. He didn't need more tension in his life.)
Ienzo should've made up an excuse that night and stayed in. He didn't. He was so unused to managing impulses that he simply didn't . Or at least, that's what he told himself.
The summer evening was cool, and he could hear the soft chirp of crickets. The air felt nice on his skin, freed at last from that infernal white coat and ascot at the throat. There was already a warm light emanating from the greenhouse, meaning Demyx was already there.
Not too late to turn back.
He took a deep breath. Took two.
The music he heard was soft, meandering, inviting. He'd never really listened to Demyx before when he played sitar, stubbornly tuning it out. Ienzo realized he was rather good , technically and aurally; it sounded light, effortless, the notes graceful and leaping like water. The boy's power made sense, now. It all flowed.
Demyx wasn't a scientist, but he was a student in his own ways. Ienzo felt the blood rush to his face. His hands trembled. His own internal protests were quickly waning. He opened the door. "Are you early, or am I late?"
Demyx looked up. The melody didn't quite cease. "Believe it or not, I can actually be on time."
"...Sorry about that."
"I wanted to work on this anyway."
Ienzo sat on one of the cushions. The space smelled vaguely like incense, a heady but oddly clean scent. "That's something of your own creation?"
"Yessir."
"I suppose you were always… composing, creating. Is it very much different, now that you've a heart?"
Demyx snorted. "It's harder."
Ienzo cocked his head. "Really?"
"It's easy to… approximate emotion," he said, with a wave of his hand. "You know, this sounds like love, or anger, or whatever. To really feel those things, and then, say, to try and work on something with a completely different theme, is like wading through concrete."
Hearing him speak so technically made Ienzo's blush worsen. He wanted to reach out and take one of his hands. He gripped his ankle in an attempt to stop himself. "Have you been at this long?"
Demyx chuckled. "At least five years. Probably before that, I would guess, but… there's nothing." His expression changed, became wistful.
"Still? After all this time?"
He let the sitar vanish. The silence was particularly notable. "Yeah. I…" A laugh. "I had Even look at me. Neurologically, I think it's called? There's nothing… physical about the memory loss. So it must've been… whatever brought me here, from the past."
"Forgive me… I quite forgot that's the truth of your life." Even had told him as such, scowlingly, in disbelief.
Demyx shrugged. "You've got a lot on your mind. Sometimes I forget."
"Do you want your memories?"
He leaned back on his hands. "I go back and forth," he said. "On the one hand, not knowing about the trauma that's, uh, for sure there is awesome. On the other… it's like… who am I really, you know?"
"I remember everything, and I feel much the same," Ienzo said softly.
His smile was sad now. He reached into a crate and pulled out two bottles.
"Beer?"
"Nah. I hate beer. Cider. It's sweet. Want it?"
Ienzo doubted one drink would kill him. "...Why not."
He popped the top for him. "Ha. That's the spirit. I mean. You are legal."
He scoffed a little. The drink was fizzy, sweet and also metallic. It was a taste of summer, he thought. "I'm sure it doesn't surprise you this is my first real drink."
"Really?"
"...I was too young. Then, I never wanted to… cloud my mind." Ienzo sighed. "I wouldn't mind taking the edge off things."
Demyx laughed a little. "Hate to break it to you, but I only have the two and I doubt you'll get turnt off that."
"...You're probably right."
"Maybe you and me could go to the bar some time. Try it out."
He looked into the mouth of the brown bottle. "Not sure nightlife is for me."
"You never know until you try something."
"I… suppose I should never say never." After all, he'd never thought he'd like sitting here with Demyx, their knees almost touching. "Maybe. Yes, that might be nice."
For a few moments they finished their drinks in silence. He definitely wasn't drunk, or even tipsy, but he did feel a little warm. The lantern cast softened the room, almost pinkish. Perhaps it was the memories of calm here, perhaps it was the ambiance or simply not being alone, but Ienzo found himself… relaxing. The sudden lack of tension in his muscles felt strange. "I remember why I used to love this place. It's very calming."
"On a good day you can see the stars," Demyx said. "Look. Here." He reached over and snuffed out the lantern. "Lay back."
The cushions were odd, lumpy. It wasn't totally dark; there was enough moonlight for the silhouettes to be clear. Ienzo looked up through the crystal ceiling. "Been a while since I looked up," he said.
"Yeah."
"The feeling of insignificance. But it's surprisingly reassuring."
"You think?"
"Well, the world is bigger than just us, don't you think?"
"I do," he said softly.
Ienzo could feel Demyx looking at him. A nervousness, a fizz, spread throughout his body, completely different than anxiety. Arguably, the opposite of it. He should fight this. Should get up and leave right now. Instead, he shifted, just slightly, onto his side so they were locking eyes. With a shaking hand, Demyx touched his cheek, a touch that made him shiver.
"...I…" Demyx's voice cracked. "Have you also been… feeling this?"
So it was mutual. Oh. Oh, no. He tried to keep it together. He had to fight this. Didn't want to. "Yes," he admitted.
"Oh," he said, very softly, with the same sort of fear Ienzo felt.
"I know."
"I tried to stop." He almost sounded as though he might cry.
"Me too."
"What do we-do?"
"Well…" That touch did feel so nice. "As I see it… there are two options. We both walk out of here and forget this ever happened."
"Or?"
He took a trembling breath. "We see it through."
"What do you want?"
"I think…" He was trembling all over. "I think I would like to stop thinking."
There was a moment when they both very clearly knew what was about to happen, but did nothing. Demyx inched closer to him, so they were almost touching; Ienzo could smell him again, the salt and ginger. He rested his hand on Demyx's waist, and feeling the warmth of him under clothing was purely too much.
They both met in the middle, awkward, not quite meeting one another's lips the first time. Ienzo shifted up a little and tried again. Demyx's lips were so soft against his own. It became clear very quickly that neither of them had done this before; they weren't sure what to do. For some reason Ienzo figured Demyx had some experience. After a moment they pulled apart.
"I suppose," he began softly, still reeling more from the fact that he'd kissed more than the kiss itself, "It's rather obvious I've never done this."
He laughed a little. "I don't think I have either-if I did, I don't remember."
"A learning curve, then." He'd figured it'd have been natural, instant. He thought of the feel of Demyx's lips. "Let's try again."
"Okay."
It took a moment or so of fumbling and discomfort before they seemed to get it. This was more what Ienzo thought it would feel like, a fragile give and take. It was all so gentle . They were both shaking. He hadn't realized how exhausting fighting this attraction had been. Giving into it made him feel more awake than he had in days.
He wanted to go further. Couldn't. Already a dangerous frazzle of overstimulation was breaking over him. He wasn't used to platonic touch, much less this; he was overloading his own wires.
"I like this. I do," Ienzo said. He felt his eyes watering, an anxiety of too much too much threatening his tenuous moment of joy. "But I'm so… it's so much. I have to…" He sat up and pulled away, shivering as if he were cold.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm afraid as a human… I get very overwhelmed by stimuli," he forced out. "I used to as a child."
"Oh," he said softly. "Can I… how can I help?"
"I need space. Calm, quiet."
"Should I go?"
He considered. Despite it all… the last thing he wanted to be was alone. "No, stay."