It took me a long time to write this chapter. But since it is as big as the other two together, we can say that it is two chapters in one.
Once again I would like to thank Amelia-Queen-Black and Eileen Almanach for helping me with the French text as well as fadingintostarlight for correcting the English version. You did a great job!
I hope you enjoy this chapter. If you liked it or if you have any criticisms to make, don't hesitate to leave a comment!
« Love, after all, is just a higher curiosity, an appetite for the unknown that pushes you in the storm, open chest and head forward. »
Gustave Flaubert
The terror that had suddenly invaded him made him cry again. Despite the dark night and the storm, he could clearly distinguish it. That monstrous dog's head, resting on a bipedal body.
"I... I just don't understand..."
That was all Remus managed to say, staring at the creature that had stopped at the bottom of the slope, a few meters away from him.
A werewolf.
He felt like he was in the middle of a nightmare.
How long had he been passed out? Had he been there for several days? Was it a full moon? Why wasn't he transformed?
He held a trembling hand to his muddy face. He still had human features.
How was that possible?
The beast howled and all coherent thought left him.
The creature was moving.
And it was coming towards him.
Remus' body flipped automatically, and he fled, circumventing the pond. He almost slipped through the mud, but barely caught up with a tree and went downhill towards the forbidden forest. His heart was beating fast and the tears that now filled his eyes prevented him from seeing clearly. Yet he ran like crazy, in a straight line. A new heat was coming over him, the tiredness was gone.
Suddenly he was a rag doll, animated and guided by a delirious fear.
A yelp caught his attention and he turned around briefly to see that the creature had slipped down the slope before he himself stumbled against a stone. He reflexively threw his arms forward and cushioned his fall as a creak was heard. Remus lowered his eyes, only for him to find his wand.
Holy shit. His wand.
The shock had half fractured it, but Remus didn't have time to worry about it, content to think of a spell as quickly as possible. A spell. A spell, damn it, a spell!
Oh, yes!
"Stupe..."
Remus had turned, his wand pointed at the beast. But he couldn't cast his spell. What he had before him was... terrifying.
Moaning, the creature had settled on itself and its body seemed to be constantly deforming, like a never-ending transformation. Its head got bigger and smaller. Hair grew on its body before disappearing and claws split its nails before burrowing back into its flesh.
Remus' heart almost stopped, and he stood up, haggard, unable to take his eyes off the thing. Then for a short moment he thought he recognized it, between two transformations. That hideous face, with its flat nose and shining eyes.
The one he'd seen outside his window and then in his bed. Ten years ago, now.
Greyback.
The creature gave a hoarse cry before standing upright, its features turned canine again, and Remus felt a warm liquid running down his thighs.
"Leave me alone…"
He took three steps back before pointing his wand at it, his voice becoming a light sob.
"Leave me alone…"
The monster stopped, watching him, seeming to hesitate before one of its arms reached out to him. The action filled Remus with horror, and he made a sharp movement to cast a spell.
"Stupefy!"
His wand reddened and warmed between his fingers, but nothing happened. Only the wide slit that his fall had caused glowed.
Shit.
The werewolf continued to move slowly, still reaching that arm that strangely seemed human in his direction. But Remus wasn't looking at it. He was too busy searching for spells as he cried in fear. Then suddenly, epiphany came. His mind appeared to have decided to work again, and three spells came back to him in quick succession.
"Locomotor Wibbly! Incarcerem! Nebulus!"
His abrupt movements and broken wand made the first spell fail and weakened the second one, a simple string coming to grip the legs of the beast. But the third spell worked, and a thick fog invaded the forest's edges. Remus took the opportunity to escape, leaving his assailant struggling with his bonds as he disappeared between the trees.
He didn't really know where to go, but it didn't matter to him. Perhaps if he could escape until dawn he would be saved. Maybe his disappearance would be noticed, and help would eventually be sent to him. Maybe his friends would come looking for him...
He just wanted someone. So he wouldn't die alone.
A branch cracked, and Remus turned around to see the silhouette of the monster in the fog. It seemed to be holding something in his hand, but more importantly, it didn't seem to have seen him yet. Perhaps this was his chance.
"Stupefy!"
The spell almost made his wand explode, went askew and bounced against the trees before getting lost in the depths of the forest. The wolf's maw turned towards him and for a moment he held up what seemed to be... A wand?
What the hell was that?
A spell passed within inches of him and Remus screamed, starting to run again. He couldn't understand anything anymore. His feverish mind was struggling to gather information. So, he just ran away, zigzagging between the trunks, wand in hand, casting all the spells that went through his head.
It was a real fireworks display.
Stupefy, Nebulus, Petrificus Totalus... And soon Bombarda, directly followed by Bombarda Maxima.
It was a big mistake.
The spells, cast in spades, bounced in all directions, igniting the trees, making everything explode in their path. His cracked wand and his terror had not gone well. They had created a fire monster, a fire worthy of a Firedeymon spell.
Despite the rain the flames grew, began to eat the forest and soon their acrid smoke replaced the fog. Remus was yelping sharply as he now tried to escape from both the beast and the fire.
He never thought it would end like this. That he would die like this.
He'd always been afraid of blazes.
He threw a Periculum and red sparks flew above the treetops, indicating his distress and his position, but he continued to move forward. He wouldn't stop, he couldn't stop. Otherwise, he would be devoured. As much by the fire as by the threatening figure that was trying to follow him, screaming between the now glowing trees as it tried to reach him.
He didn't want to feel any more bites on his body. No warmth on his tender thigh, scarred since he was five years old and now throbbing as he moved as fast as he could, passing over old stumps as he tried to cross the forest.
A flaming branch blocked his way and he screamed, trying to find another path.
He yelled again when he saw the beast on the other side of the fire, his eyes wide open, his mouth deformed by fright. Holding out the wand, he threw a spell on it. The first that came to his mind.
"Crucio! Crucio! Crucio!"
If the creature fell to the ground squealing in the first two spells, it was Remus who collapsed in pain in the third. His wand had turned the spell against him. His sight became blurred as a sharp pain took hold of his body, his ankles twisted, his fists clenched until his nails penetrated his flesh. His heart nearly exploded, and his eyes rolled back.
He felt like he was dying.
After a time that seemed infinite, the pain began to fade and, exhausted and confused, Remus straightened as best he could. His vision was doubled, his pupils dilated as he tried to focus on his opponent, who continued to whine on the ground as he backed away, paying no attention to where his feet were resting.
It was never going to end.
He had to...
He had to...
"A... Ava... Avada..."
He didn't have time to finish. He stumbled on a root before falling down a long slope. He ended up in a ditch, his head hitting a big rock.
If only...
If only someone...
"...Help me."
When he opened his eyes again, someone was holding him. He couldn't see clearly, but he recognized his scent. That musky smell, at once powerful and comforting...
"Sirius..."
"Remus..."
The Gryffindor's trembling hand rested on his friend's as he continued to speak, mumbling at times, no longer having the strength to articulate.
"Sirius, we have to get out of here... There's a monster..."
"Remus..."
"There's another werewolf... Just like me..."
"No, Remus…"
"I think it's Greyback... We have to escape... And the fire…"
Remus' eyes, which had remained half-closed, shut and he lost consciousness again, not hearing the last words of his friend who was beginning to sob.
"It was me, Remus. It was me..."
Unlike James, for whom the morning incident had brought out a whole new set of emotions, Sirius had emerged unscathed from the situation.
Of course, he'd been freaked out for most of the morning. But, when he saw that no one suspected him, he relaxed and told anyone who would listen how Snivellus had made a fool of himself in public, each time punctuating his story with cruel mockery.
He had finally had an excellent day and it was with great enthusiasm that he entered the Great Hall, as fit as a fiddle and determined to meet his friends for dinner.
"James!"
"Sirius."
James' coldness surprised him. Sirius glanced at Peter, who gave him an embarrassed smile, and then looked at his best friend again, simply asking, "You okay?"
"I'm fine."
Okay, James seemed really... gloomy. Was it because of him? Was he pissed off at him for what he did in Potions? Okay, it was dumb, but come on...It wasn't a reason. It was only Snivellus after all. It was no big deal...
He instinctively looked for Remus, wondering if the other Gryffindor was also sulking, but couldn't find him.
"Where is Remus?"
James didn't even deign to answer him this time. It was Peter who did it.
"He left five minutes ago. He didn't look well at all..."
Sirius frowned. They let Remus leave on his own? A week before the full moon? But they were complete fools! They knew very well that Remus was fragile during that time. He could faint, fall or hurt himself! He gave Peter a disapproving glance before turning away. Anyway, considering the grim atmosphere at the marauder's table, it was better to go in search of Remus. And hope he hadn't already collapsed somewhere in the castle.
No, really... It wasn't a good idea to leave him alone.
Over the past year, his condition had worsened. Remus was suffering more and more. He nearly smashedhis temple against a table when he fainted, and during the summer he had passed out several times because of the heat.
He could still see him in his arms, pale as death, as he hurried to take him to the Potters' mansion, desperately calling for James' parents. The fear he had felt...
Remus... His Remus.
It wasn't just the werewolf's behavior that had changed. His had changed, too. He didn't realize it at first. It had been a slow, gradual transformation, invisible to the naked eye, but which had ended up blowing up in his face over the summer.
-/-/-/-
All right, James blamed him for being too much of a mother hen with Remus. But that was normal, wasn't it? To worry about your sick friends? Just like it was okay to think they were handsome... It was true that Remus came from a long way down in terms of beauty! When they first met, he looked like a sick chick: skinny, with an ugly haircut, and perched on legs that were way too long for him. And, over the years, Remus had become more and more attractive, and he had noticed it. It wasn't a crime! Besides, he also found James charming! If he had to hang out with people, he might as well be glad they were pleasant to look at... If Peter was handsome too, he would be even happier. Rather than having to put up with his ugly butt-face...
Yeah. That's what he said to himself at the beginning of the holidays. Not very glorious... He had just tried to turn a blind eye. To protect himself as best he could.
Then, over the summer, he realized he had just been lying to himself. A big fat lie that finally blew up in his face.
He remembered the moment perfectly.
As always during the summer holidays, they had all met at James' house and had finally escaped the summer heat by going swimming in the river that bordered the Potters' mansion. Remus had undressed before entering the water, and Sirius had felt his belly twist as his eyes slid down his body to finally detail the fall of his lower back. Then they bathed, heckled in the water and Sirius finally carried Remus in his arms in an attempt to throw him into the water after he splashed him.
He had tried.
But he couldn't.
He had frozen when he saw Remus' radiant face a few centimeters away from his own, his hair appearing blond in the light. His laughter, the little dimples that had formed on his cheeks, the way his pointed nose had wrinkled, the way his eyes had closed as he let himself be carried around, abandoning himself in his arms… All these things... All those little details that made him realize how he felt about him. That had caused his lower abdomen to become very warm and made him say two words accidentally. Two words that had later accompanied him throughout his stay with the other marauder.
"Oh, shit."
It wasn't a joke. He could really sum up every moment with Remus with just those two words.
Remus coming out of the water and brushing his hair back as tiny drops of water dripped on his hairless chest: "Oh shit."
Remus offering to share a Popsicle, "Oh, shit."
Remus sleeping with him on the mattress at the foot of James' bed: "Oh shit."
"Oh, shit", indeed.
-/-/-/-
From that day on, his heart was a mess.
He hadn't tried anything, of course. Remus wasn't gay. He knew it. So, unless he could date the other Gryffindor, he was content to take care of him. He tried to be an exemplary friend, even if it was sometimes hard to contain himself.
He just hoped it would pass in time.
"Mr Black. Looking for someone?"
Sirius was startled, suddenly drawn from his thoughts by Mrs. Pomfrey. As he pondered, his footsteps had naturally led him to the infirmary, the place Remus was most likely to frequent at this time of the month.
"Uh, yes. I'm looking for Remus. Is he here?"
"No. Mr Lupin isn't here. He hasn't visited me in a few days, by the way. Is he okay?"
"I don't know. He left the table earlier and Peter told me he looked sick. I thought he'd come to see you."
"No. I'm sorry, but he didn't. If you find him and he's not feeling well, bring him to me, okay? It's best not to leave him untreated right now. We're only a week away from... Well, you know."
"Yes, I know, Mrs. Pomfrey. I'll try to find him and bring him to you."
Sirius smiled at the nurse before he turned back. Damn. Where the hell did Remus go? Usually he went straight to the infirmary when he was feeling ill. It wasn't normal. He had a bad feeling before he pulled himself together. No, he wasn't going to start freaking out right away. James was right, he was worrying about Remus too much. Maybe Remus had just gone to bed. These days he was sleeping a lot.
He went to check anyway, going up the seven floors that separated him from the other Gryffindors' dormitories to find their room empty. A shiver ran down his spine. It was really not normal for Remus. He wasn't the type to leave without warning. Perhaps he had gone to the bathroom because of his nausea...
The inspection of their lavatory was the beginning of a very long journey through the entire castle. After checking them, Sirius inspected the showers, then the dormitory again, and then the bathrooms on all floors. He then inspected all the libraries, went back to the dormitory and then to the infirmary in case Remus had been there in the meantime.
But he wasn't there.
Distraught, Sirius returned to the Great Hall in search of James and Peter, but they were also nowhere to be found.
Damn it. What the hell was going on?
Something was very wrong.
Anxious, he began to turn in the corridors on the ground floor, wandering like a ghost as his eyes examined every face he came across, hoping to recognize his friend. He even ended up shouting his name as he walked around the large courtyard despite the rain, hoping to find Remus under the arcades.
But no one answered him.
Remus seemed to have vanished into thin air.
"Are you looking for Remus?"
Sirius turned, surprised. A Ravenclaw was staring at him, a big smile stuck to her lips.
Who was she? How did she know his Remus?
The girl noticed his scowling face and laughed, of a laugh that Sirius found unpleasant. She continued:
"I think I saw him outside. Two hours ago."
"Where did you see him?"
"Near the Quidditch field. I was on my way to practice with my team. But when I got back to the castle, I didn't see him anymore. He probably left because of the rain."
Sirius was silent for a moment. Remus was outside? By himself? That wasn't like him. He barely thanked the Ravenclaw with a quick nod before he turned tail.
But he heard the girl's voice again.
"I hope you find him. It's dangerous to leave him alone right now."
Sirius' blood froze. He quickly turned to her. What did she just say? Did she know about Remus' secret? Who the hell was she?
The Ravenclaw laughed again. She seemed strangely amused by the situation.
"I'm talking about the storm. If he didn't come back and he's out there all alone, he might catch a cold. He gets ill very often."
And, without giving him time to answer, she disappeared behind the corner of the wall. Sirius stood for a moment staring at the now empty corridor, confused, before suddenly shivering.
He was convinced that she had just made fun of him.
Fuck. This time he was sure something terrible was happening. His instincts weren't wrong. Not about that girl. Nor about Remus.
He was about to follow her when thunder rumbled in the distance, finally making him turn back. He would deal with her later. For now, he had to find Remus.
He quickly reached the exit of the castle, putting his cloak on his shoulders as he stared at the park.
How was he going to find Remus with that storm?
That storm...
Oh, Merlin, it was the storm!
It was the storm!
The one they'd been waiting for over a month with James and Peter!
The fifth step! The storm that finished the potion to become an Animagus!
A month and a half earlier, they had completed the first four steps. They had kept this damn mandrake leaf in their mouths for a month before putting it in a vial that they had then hidden each one on their side. Then they had merely repeated the incantation "Amato Animo Animagus" as indicated at sunrise and sunset until they felt a second heartbeat as they pointed their wand at their chest. And there it was finally the fifth step: "As soon as the first flash of lightning appears in the sky, go immediately to the place where you have hidden your crystal vial. If you have followed the above steps carefully, you will find a blood-red potion."
It was time to become an Animagus!
A violent flash of lightning interrupted his moment of joy and Sirius stopped, staring up at the sky from the castle.
Should he warn the others? And Remus? Shouldn't he go look for him first?
...No. The instructions said to go there at the first lightning. So, there was no time to lose. James and Peter must have noticed the storm too and had probably already gone to get their vials. For Remus, it might be easier to find him once he had turned into an animal. Along with the instructions, they had come across a second source about animagi that had given them a rough idea of what they would look like when transformed. Thus, Sirius knew he would be a canine. What species exactly, he didn't know, but in any case, he could move faster on all fours, or even track Remus with his nose!
Okay. First, he was going to take the potion, then he was going to transform himself into a killer animal to go after Remus. He was gonna find him, pretend to be a hero, snog him and...
All right, well, maybe he wasn't going to snog him.
But everything else in his plan seemed perfectly consistent.
Wasting no more time, Sirius rushed off, running like crazy to fetch his vial. The place had to be quiet, shady and preserved from any human presence, so he chose to hide it in the forbidden forest, to be sure that nothing would disturb the process. At the time, he didn't think it was too risky. He had gone there on a very clear full moon, with James and Peter waiting for him nearby. The location he had chosen, a sunken windfall on the edge of the forest, a clear, tree-covered area, had looked safe to him. Even charming. He remembered admiring the play of light created by the branches.
Now that it was dark and he knew he was alone, everything seemed much gloomier. And he was beginning to think that he'd made a mistake in choosing this place.
A noise came from deep in the woods and Sirius stood still for a moment, frowning, trying to see something between the trees.
But he saw nothing. And no more sound disturbed the silence. The forest seemed empty of all creatures, except for a few little spiders wandering here and there.
Sirius cast a Lumos and stepped over a few stumps covered with cobwebs. He walked a little deeper into the woods until he approached a lying tree with a large hole in its trunk, the light from his wand eventually reflected on the polished surface of the bottle.
Great. It was still there.
The chrysalis of the Death-Head Sphinx that he had added in the second step was there too. But the butterfly hadn't come out. Was that normal? There was nothing in the procedure to indicate whether the butterfly should hatch or not.
Sirius lifted the vial, holding it up to his nose to observe it. The potion was a very dark red. It was hard for him to tell if it was blood red or not. But well... He appeared to have followed all the steps well.
He hesitated for a moment before looking around. Everything seemed calm to him. And anyway, he didn't feel like drinking the potion in the castle or outside the forest in this stormy weather. He cast two protection spells just for the sake of conscience. Then he removed the cork before pointing his wand at his heart.
"Amato Animo Animagus."
He drank the potion in one go.
The effect was almost immediate. A sharp pain came over his whole body and he let go of his wand, falling to the ground, moaning and shivering. He closed his eyes, crying out in pain as his head, about to explode, emptied itself of its thoughts, leaving only the image of a large black dog to appear. He put a hand to his temples and his fingers got lost in a thick fur as he felt his nose and mouth become deformed. Was it supposed to hurt this much? The first transformation was painful. He knew that. But now... He'd never been in so much pain before. Never before. In his whole life.
No... He didn't have to worry... He was going to be fine... The pain would subside.
Except it didn't. After what seemed like an eternity, Sirius still hadn't fully transformed. Only his head appeared to have metamorphosed. From the few instructions he'd been given, he was convinced it wasn't normal.
He finally retrieved his wand before he struggled to straighten up. He was in pain and everything was too strange. His perception of the world had just changed. Hundreds of new stimuli were assailing him, turning his head. He discovered, stupid as it was, that everything had a smell. And it was horrible. He felt like someone was burying his face into humus and dried grass. He sniffed the sap from the trees so violently that it seemed to run directly into his nose. And there was this strong, musky scent. Almost disgusting. What was it?
He sniffed his arm before wincing.
That was him.
Sirius growled, trying to hold his breath as he held his hands to his now all-too-sensitive ears. All it took was a vole passing by to make him feel as if it was running through his head. From the insects on the ground to the wind in the trees, he felt as if all the sounds of nature had combined to resonate in his skull like timpani.
A violent headache made him lose his balance and he had to hold himself against a tree, almost missing it because of his new perception of distances. His field of vision had doubled, but everything seemed to have lost depth and sharpness.
He observed the rest of his body, for a moment.
Something must have gone wrong... Maybe the butterfly should have hatched... Maybe the potion shouldn't have been so dark...
He tried to concentrate, to think about his human form to reverse his transformation, but nothing happened. He just got dizzy again.
In the sensory chaos that now seemed to surround him, a noise louder than the others caught his attention. A kind of clicking sound, coming from the left, behind the trees. Sirius turned his head, finally lighting up with his wand before holding his breath, blocking the overflow of odors to try to concentrate only on his sight and hearing.
He had the impression that something was walking. Something huge... Sirius squinted his eyes before suddenly freezing.
A spider almost as big as him was moving between the trees, just a few meters away. Followed by another... and another.
What the hell was that?
Another tarantula came from behind and tried to pounce on him. But the spells he had cast prevented it from approaching, forming like a force field around him. Sirius screamed and took a few steps back. He raised his wand in panic and tried to cast a spell on it. But nothing came out of his mouth except a bark. Merlin's beard. He couldn't speak. And nonverbal spells weren't taught until the sixth grade.
Now he was in deep shit.
The spider rattled its mandibles and Sirius' ears almost burst. He could now perceive them, those clicking sounds, those hundreds of clicking sounds that seemed to come from all sides, getting closer to him.
In panic, the Gryffindor hesitated for a moment about what to do about the situation. Should he stay here, safe behind his protective shell, or should he run away? The tarantula solved the dilemma by striking the barrier again, cracking it.
...At the same time, he had always sucked at defense spells.
The arrival of two more spiders gave him a whiplash and Sirius flew into the woods, crossing the barrier he had created to escape. His run forced him to take deep breaths. The strong smells of rain, moss and rotting wood filled his lungs, making him want to vomit. He stumbled several times, his animal vision preventing him from seeing properly while it was impossible for him to know where the monsters chasing him were, the sounds of his own footsteps deafening him.
It was a real hell.
The sight of the large lawn of the park a few meters away gave him an adrenaline rush. He managed to get out of the forest, continuing to run on the soaked grass before being forced to stop, out of breath. A spider that had followed him closely had tried to get out as well, but a large magical fence seemed to protect the edge of the forest.
In retrospect, it seemed logical, but now he breathed a sigh of relief, believing in a true miracle.
Sirius' legs buckled and he collapsed into the mud. His whole body was in pain. He could feel the blood pounding through his temples. Closing his eyes, he leaned his head back, trying as best he could to put his mind in order.
Holy Gargoyle... He'd almost died. He almost fucking died. This forest was definitely dangerous.
Merlin's beard, he was a fucking idiot. Of course, this forest was dangerous. It was called "The Forbidden Forest". What did he expect? He should never have gone there...
At least now he could be sure he would never set foot in it again.
He still wondered if Dumbledore knew about it. That there were giant spiders roaming the forest.
A loud thunderclap made him look up at the sky. It was a violent storm. It was dangerous to stay here. It was better to go back to the castle. Especially since he was worried about his health. He seemed to be stuck in his Animagus form. Well... His Animagus form... He had just become the perfect incarnation of the god Anubis.
He tried to take human form again, but fatigue prevented him from concentrating. Sighing, he finally came to his senses. Everything had gone wrong and he needed help. He had to go to the infirmary. To see Pomfrey and McGonagall. He had no choice.
He sat up, completely exhausted, his gaze turning for a moment to the Quidditch's stadium.
Remus...
He wasn't far from where Remus was last seen. But the other Gryffindor must have already left the scene. He probably got somewhere safe. At least he hoped he did.
Sirius hesitated for a moment before he finally straightened up and walked with an uncertain step towards the castle. No matter how much he reasoned, he had the impression that he couldn't abandon the mission he had given himself. With each step, he turned and looked all around him in the hope of seeing the other boy. As if Remus would suddenly appear before him. He even tried to use his nose by closing his eyes to focus on his smell. He made every effort to remember exactly what Remus smelled like, to compare it with all the other smells he could detect. But he found nothing. If Remus had indeed been there, his scent had vanished with the arrival of the rain, replaced by the scent of wet earth and grass.
He opened his eyes again, disappointed. If his ugly dog's head had been able to produce tears, he would have cried. How could he have thought that finding him would be so easy? Maybe Remus hadn't even disappeared. Maybe he was reading in the warmth of the castle somewhere. Maybe they kept passing each other, missing each other while he was looking for him...
Fuck's sake. All the time he was just imagining a fucking story, with his stupid hunches. James was right. When it came to Remus, he was completely out of his mind. Everything he'd done so far was ridiculously reckless and immature.
When he had this time definitively thrown in the towel, a light caught his attention about ten meters away, in the middle of darkness. Someone was using his wand to make a light at the top of a hill.
Sirius thought his heart was about to come out of his chest. It had started beating so hard.
Was it Remus? Had he finally done the right thing by listening to himself? Had being completely paranoid served him well for once?
Even if it wasn't Remus, the person must have needed help to be there, alone, in the middle of a storm. Maybe it was James... Or Peter... Maybe their transformation went just as badly...
Shit... For all he knew, he wasn't that crazy... Somebody really needed help...
He walked towards the glow, accelerating his pace little by little until he finally ran towards it.
He wanted to know. He wanted to know if he was right or wrong.
He soon reached the bottom of the hill, panting, watching the silhouette at the top. The mysterious stranger a few feet higher almost had his back turned to him. He looked like he was in bad shape and was wavering, as if he would shortly collapse.
Sirius was about to signal his presence when the man finally turned around and faced him, his wand brandished in front of him, finally revealing his face.
Sirius froze. Despite the mud and terror that distorted his features, he was instantly recognizable.
The face of the one he loved.
For a brief second, he felt as if everything had been put back in its place.
"REMUS!"
He had wanted to shout his name, but nothing had come out of his throat except a howl. Sirius didn't pay much attention, however, completely focused on his friend, who was shaking like a leaf. What the hell was he doing there? Why was he in such a state? What had happened to him? Had he been mugged? Attacked? Oh, Merlin, Remus. His Remus.
He climbed up the slope to try to get closer to him. Why did he look so frightened? He'd never seen him like this... With his eyes so wide open...
Why was he running for his life...?
...SHIT!
"Remus!"
New scream, new howl. Reality hit him hard. It was him who terrorized Remus. He'd come out in the middle of a thunderstorm with a bloody dog's head! Of course, there was something to panic about! How could he make him realize it was him? That he wasn't in any danger?
Maybe it was better to let his friend go. Let Remus lose him so he could go back to the castle alone.
Hesitantly, he slowed down for a moment, stopping at the top of the hill to see where Remus was heading. The latter had descended the slope before running in a straight line... towards the forbidden forest.
"FUCK! REMUS! COME HERE!"
Sirius went after him. He ran down the slope at full speed, which, in this stormy weather, was a big mistake: his foot eventually slipped in the mud and he fell backwards, yelping before rolling down the hill.
Uh...It was painful...
He opened his eyes with difficulty, swallowing before observing Remus, who had also fallen to the ground. Poor thing... He must have hurt himself. Damn. Everything was getting worse. Nothing was happening as he had planned. He absolutely had to get back to normal. To stop scaring him. Remus looked so scared. He had to change back... change back... He had to breathe. Yeah, he had to breathe. To clear his mind.
He closed his eyes, trying to concentrate, imagining his human form. He felt the pain again, the same pain that had invaded him after drinking the vial, spreading through his body, shaking his muscles. It hurt...It hurt so much...
But it was working. He could feel his mouth shrinking, taking on human form gradually. He could feel his fur diminishing in volume, turning into flesh... Yes. It was working.
...Oh, no. It wasn't working at all.
He felt like he was imploding, like his whole body was burning him. His vision became blurry. His body became covered in sweat. He felt a sharp pain at the tips of his hands and brought them as close to his face as possible so that he could see claws continually coming in and out of his fingers, fur covering his phalanges before they became hairless again. Everything seemed to repeat itself ad infinitum. He felt as if he had entered a kind of loop. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Was it dangerous? Was he going to die? He looked up at Remus for a moment. He couldn't see his face, but he could see from his position that he was paralyzed.
Worse. A sour smell had invaded his nostrils, and it didn't take him long to realize that what he smelled was his terror.
Remus reeked of terror.
If only he could tell him that everything was going to be okay... that he was going to take care of him... How could he make his friend recognize him?
Moaning, he looked at his hands again before he was drawn to the brightness of his ring. His ring... It was the memory of a distant ancestor, one of the few members of the Black family who wasn't a complete bastard. He'd been wearing it his whole life. Remus knew that ring. Maybe if he showed it to Remus, he'd recognize it...
He screamed as he finally gave up on his initial form, the pain invading him one last time before diminishing to a tolerable level as his head regained canine features. Straightening up with difficulty, he looked up at Remus. This time it was the smell of piss that reached his nose. Oh crap. Did he piss himself because of him?
Remus...
"Leave me alone..."
Sirius' heart was broken. Remus' voice was muffled, desperate. It sounded like he was about to collapse as he backed away.
"Leave me alone..."
If only he could leave him alone. But if he let him go, Remus would surely take refuge in the forest.
He had to try to resolve the situation before it got too bad.
He reached out his arm towards Remus, trying to show him his ring. But Remus didn't even seem to notice, trying to cast a spell on him with his broken wand.
"Stupefy!"
The spell had no effect and Sirius almost felt sorry for his friend. He looked so desperate; his eyes fixed on his wand. Shit... He was never going to get it...
"...Locomotor Wibbly! Incararcerem! Nebulus!"
He was surprised by the threefold spell Remus cast on him, and the latter took the opportunity to flee into the forest. He seemed to have suddenly regained his strength. Fortunately, his broken wand screwed up everything, otherwise, he would have immobilized Sirius for good. He had little trouble getting rid of the thin rope that had wrapped around his legs. Although he worried at first about the fog, he finally realized that not seeing anything was not really a problem. He could hear the creaking of the branches under Remus's footsteps and the loud sound of his breathing meters away. Better yet, he could smell Remus. Whether it was the smell of fear or the smell of urine, he could now track him.
Was it because he had given up transforming himself that his senses had become disciplined? It seemed to him that once he had accepted his new body, it had calmed down.
Remus had blinded himself, and that gave him the advantage. If he managed to find him and then immobilize him, he might be able to stick the ring under his nose and Remus would understand that he was not a danger.
Either way, he had no choice. They were in the forbidden forest now.
There was no way he'd leave Remus alone in that place.
Even though he couldn't use the nonverbal spells, Sirius pulled out his wand. Hopefully, in action, his wizard's instinct would take over and he would succeed in casting a few spells.
"Stupefy!"
He jolted. Remus had just missed him. Waving his wand, Sirius attempted to throw a Petrificus totalus but missed the werewolf, who ran like a rabbit through the trees. Shit. He didn't even know if his spells would work, and he had to aim like a blind man.
To make things worse, the fog intensified until it became opaque white. Sirius had to stop running. They were getting closer to the center of the forest and the trees were becoming too abundant, forcing him to grope his way forward. Colored streaks came and went, sometimes almost touching him. Spells that Remus seemed to cast with spades.
An explosion rang out and Sirius' heart missed a beat. Using his nose and his hearing, he tried to find his friend, reaching out his arms to warn himself of obstacles. Then a warm light allowed him to see his surroundings again. A burning tree. No. Not just a tree...
Part of the forest was burning.
"Bombarda Maxima!"
Remus had just screamed a few feet away. Sirius saw his silhouette cut through the trees, lit by a white flash.
Then everything turned grayish and there was only the smell of fire.
Remus had lost control. Obeying only his own terror, he had set fire to the deepest part of the wood, the dry trees with intertwined branches that spread the flames at breakneck speed.
Sirius was already suffocating because of his nose. He felt as if the flames were licking his lungs.
They were going to die if they stood there much longer.
A scream made him raise his head. Behind a column of fire, Remus was there, trying to escape the blaze. Despite the flames that asphyxiated him, Sirius started running again to follow him, watching for the fateful instant when he could pounce on him.
He thought he had found the right moment when a flaming branch blocked Remus' path, causing him to lower his weapon as he frantically searched for another path. This was his chance. In a sharp movement, Sirius threw himself in front of Remus and took advantage of the surprise effect to try to step over the flames.
But curiously Remus was faster.
Sirius saw him draw his wand and shout these terrible words. Those forbidden words.
"Endoloris! Endoloris! Endoloris!"
There was the sensation of being stabbed and then thrown backwards as if a spear had impaled him and then taken him with it to finish its trajectory. He didn't even feel the soil beneath his back as he crashed to the ground. No more external stimuli reached him. As if after a bomb had exploded, he had become deaf and blind. In fact, for a few seconds, he felt nothing, nothing except for this hole that had dug itself into his chest.
Then came the pain.
Hundreds of arrows had just shot through his body. He was certain of it. He could feel each of his organs piercing, each of his veins opening. He suffered the delirious pain caused by the spikes that punctured his eyelids, the blood in his throat that they penetrated by dozens. They crossed him, notching his ribs, making small bones chips slip everywhere in his flesh. They pushed their sharp extremities into his armpits and the end of his sex.
Sirius wanted to shout but he did not succeed. Nothing could come out of his throat. No relief was allowed to him as he stood still in silent pain. His bladder, stomach, liver, and lungs were bristling with stings, causing dozens of fluids to mix in his body as his organs emptied of their juices.
If he could talk, he would have begged to be targeted even once more. To end his suffering.
But no one came to his rescue and he was trapped deep inside his own body.
Until the end of time.
It was a burning sensation that brought him back to reality.
Sirius slowly opened his eyes, before grunting as he felt sweat dripping from under his eyelids. His belly contracted and he clumsily straightened up to spit blood. His mouth was full of blood. He had bitten his tongue as he fell.
He remained seated, his eyes lost in the haze, before a smell of burning caught his attention. His cape was catching fire. The flames had caught up with him. Despite the urgency, he was slow to react, finally taking off his cape and letting it burn. The fire had invaded the forest. It was dangerous to stay here. He was aware of that.
Yet he couldn't move. He felt like he was having a dream. That he didn't really exist.
In fact, to be more specific, he felt like he was dead.
He watched the fire progress until the toxic fumes made him cough violently.
It was best to leave...
What had he come here for again?
He held a hand to his face for a moment, confused, his fingers wiping the sweat from his forehead.
He had regained his human form.
That was nice... That way he wouldn't scare R...
"REMUS!"
He looked around him in a panic like he suddenly came to his senses. Where was Remus? He couldn't see him. He couldn't hear him. Was he dead?
Eventually, he came to a spot that was untouched by the flames, facing a small ravine crossed by a stream. That's where he saw him, lying on the rocks.
He almost threw himself into the void, running down the slope, rushing at his friend as he almost collapsed on top of him because of the impulse he had taken. Remus was motionless and blood was spurting from his forehead.
"Remus! Hold on! I'm going to get you out of here! I'm gonna get you out of here!"
Sirius grabbed Remus' body and carried it in his arms, crossing the river with him. The coolness of the water opposed the infernal heat that now reigned in the undergrowth. It gave Sirius enough strength to speed up his pace, making his way through the still intact trees to get out of the forest safely about ten minutes later.
"This is it... This is it, Remus. We made it out of there. We made it..."
"Sirius..."
"Remus..."
The werewolf looked like a mess. Sirius sat down in the wet grass and held him close. His eyes couldn't help but detail his face. His face swollen with blood and mud.
It was all because of him.
"Sirius, we have to get out of here... There's a monster..."
Remus seemed severely delirious. He spoke without interruption, sometimes in such a weak voice that Sirius couldn't understand what he was saying to him. He was talking about Greyback. He didn't seem to understand. He didn't understand.
He fainted when Sirius finally found the strength to confess his guilt to him.
"It was me, Remus. It was me."
Sirius stood still, weeping hot tears, ugly sobs as he held Remus in his arms.
"MR BLACK!"
The Gryffindor startled. Dumbledore was there, along with the other teachers. He seemed both worried and angry. The glow of the flames echoed through his beard, still red in some places. He glowed like a phoenix.
"IT'S ALL MY FAULT, PROFESSOR!"
He shouted it, sounding so heartrendingly that Dumbledore stopped, visibly surprised. His face seemed to soften for a moment as he ordered Mrs. Pomfrey to seize Remus.
Sirius watched the woman approach, hesitating for a moment before finally loosening his grip, letting Remus pass from his arms to hers. Pomfrey gave him a worried look.
"What happened? Was he cursed?"
"I... I don't know. I don't think so. But he hit his head. Heal him, please."
"Don't worry, Mr Black. He'll be all right."
The nurse straightened up, lifting Remus to hold him against her. Eventually, Slughorn joined her to help her carry the boy.
Dumbledore ordered them to take him to the infirmary before turning to the other teachers.
"Put out the fire before it gets out of hand."
They nodded their heads, pulling out their wands. It reassured Sirius a little to see that the entire teaching staff was on it. With them, the fire would soon be brought under control. Dumbledore pulled him from his thoughts by putting a hand on his shoulder.
"Mr Black. I think it's time you gave me a few explanations."
Sirius looked up at him. He knew he was in big trouble, but he didn't care anymore. Remus was saved. That was all that mattered.
"I'll tell you everything."