Undercover

It has quickly been learned by myself and my peers on the Bus that unless there was some sort of crisis that they needed me up for I was going to be in bed pretty much until ten. Which is not a big deal in the slightest- plenty of day left to seize. But when everyone else was up by seven at the latest- Skye not by her own choice admittedly- I got a bit of a reputation in these parts. So it was a pretty big deal when I was up at eight a few mornings after we had all returned to the Bus. It wasn't by choice I admit, but it thankfully wasn't because of any nightmares either. I wanted to ask May a question today and spent all night working on my delivery. I was intimidated to say the least. She didn't seem like the type you started a conversation with, especially when it was to ask her something. But hopefully she would give me points for trying.

Before that though, I went through my usual routine of jumping in the shower, getting dressed in a long-sleeved sweater number, and grabbing breakfast in the form of chocolate fudge Pop Tarts. Since Skye had begun her training with Ward to become a true Agent the quality of my meals had gone slightly downhill. I also grabbed a bowl, adding some Lucky Charms and milk before making my way down to the lab as I was my first stop every morning. Of everyone on the Bus, Fitz-Simmons were the ones I felt the closest to- especially with our whole near death experience bonding.

So I made my way down to the lab where the two were hard at work with something I would probably never get a clear explanation in. But they were also speaking to Ward and Skye in the cargo hold as she punched a bag with a very bored expression on her face. She hadn't exactly been taking her training… seriously I suppose was the word. Ward was trying to play it cool, a major turn in behavior from before. Seriously. It was like night and day with this guy. Not that I was complaining.

Simmons was addressing Skye as I came upon the scene. "Yeah, we'd name the mechanical, chemical, thermal…"

"Electrical properties of materials," Fitz added, before being distracted by the bowl I held out in front of him. "Why thank you," he told me as he grabbed it and dug in. Since learning my friend Fitz often skipped breakfast to get right to the lab and meet Jemma, who was always earlier, I had taken it upon myself to make sure he had the most important meal of the day. My attempts to drag him away from his work to the table had been wildly unsuccessful, so I had compromised for bringing it to him in the lab. "You're up earlier. My stomach wasn't even rumbling yet," he questioned with his mouth full. I merely rolled my eyes at him.

"Okay, okay," Skye conceded to Ward as she went back to hitting the bag. "They made your point. Ashleigh, what did your S.O. have you do in the morning? Talk him down from a ledge?"

"No. More like be given a scenario or person and have to work every single possible angle and outcome word for word. Even one word in the wrong place can change the entire outcome of the scenario." It flowed out very naturally, as my lies were starting to these days. I almost wondered if I was starting to believe it in a way, crazy as it sounded. I was starting to buy into the idea of myself as an Agent in some capacity- especially with all the studying I had been doing. I would always have this twinge of guilt I would have to bury though. Luckily, the others were distracting me pretty easily this time around. Ward had decided to wax philosophical, which was always a blast.

"There will come a moment when you have to commit to this or bail. Every Agent has a defining moment. Ask Coulson." That was actually a solid move right there. Skye really looked up to Coulson. Ward was clearly playing the right cards. I turned to Fitz to comment, only to find him slurping down the last of the milk.

It was only when he finished that he noticed my looking at him out of the corner of my eye. "What?" I just kept looking, knowing he'd crack under pressure. "I don't know what you want from me? I chew the granola bar too loud. I'm too messy with the syrup on the toaster waffles. And let's not even bring up what you said to me about eggs and bacon, because that one really hurt my feelings."

I just shook my head. Jemma had at this point dismissed herself from our conversation to get back to whatever she was working on- knowing taking sides, and by that taking Fitz's side because she always did, would only get her in trouble. "I just have a dream, Fitz, that I can find you a breakfast food that you don't eat like a five year old. We're trying to get you nourished in a way that doesn't have the potential to make a mess in the lab and drive the rest of us the same. I just never realized it was going to take this much effort."

"We could try the Pop Tarts tomorrow?"

I snorted. "No one touches MY Pop Tarts. We've covered this. Coulson bought them for me, and that makes them special enough that I'm not sharing them."

"Jemma had one yesterday," he said under his breath, only to flinch when he realized I had heard the plain as day. He then turned to see her glaring at him. "I'm sorry."

My attention turned to her and she put her hands up. "I was in a hurry and I thought you wouldn't mind too terribly," she weakly defended herself. "I didn't mean to offend you."

As I went to say something, a call from Skye got my attention. "Ashleigh!" I turned to see her leaning against the door in her boxing gloves. "Is Ward telling the truth? Is the truth serum fake? Did the two of you set me up?" Oh boy. This was a tricky situation. If I said the wrong thing Ward was going to be onto me and the fact that I'm totally making everything up as I go. I'd been finding myself in a lot more of these lately- people seemed to be assuming I knew things. Incorrectly, I may add. I stumbled over my words as Skye looked at me, seeing Ward was giving no hints behind her as to which way I should lean.

"Changing course, briefing in three," came May's voice over the intercom, unintentionally saving my ass. Fitz-Simmons started to remove their lab coats and Skye stripped off her boxing gloves.

"Looks like we're on the move," Fitz stated the obvious as we began to make our way to the briefing room. I made sure I hovered by the door so I could grab Skye by the arm and yank her back. I needed to give her some sort of answer, but it would be a lot easier when Ward wasn't scrutinizing me.

"I'm not positive as I've never used it before, but I think he's totally bluffing," I told her with a coy smile. And that was genuinely what I believed. Whether or not that was true was another matter, but she shouldn't concern herself with fact-checking that. She quickly returned it. "Because it's Ward. Of course he'd be afraid that he showed you genuine human emotion." She smiled and we entered the living room arm-in-arm, falling onto the couch together next to a smiling Fitz-Simmons with a laugh just as Coulson entered with his tablet in hand. Then it was time to put on our serious faces and focus up- another day of our crazy work had begun. Our small vacation was over.

"A few minutes ago," Coulson began, "A S.H.I.E.L.D. transport was attacked while carrying a priority red asset off Route 76 near Starling." Priority red, as the name literally implied, was a big deal. It was the biggest deal we had to offer. This asset must have been critical and I found myself leaning forward waiting to hear what exactly it was.

Coulson turned his screen around to reveal an older man in glasses. "The asset was Canadian physicist Dr. Franklin Hall, known for his work-"

"Oh no, not Frank," Jemma said sadly, now leaning forward with both hands on her neck. It was at the same time Fitz leaned forward and questioned, "Dr. Hall?" It was clear from their tone that the two of them really admired this guy, in a way making myself even more committed to the mission at hand. If Fitz-Simmons liked the guy I was sure he must be a great scientist.

"He was our chemical kinetics adviser our second year," Fitz explained to the rest of us, still very much upset.

"Yeah, he's so enthusiastic about science, we just adored him." Simmons locked eyes with Coulson, hands going to her lap. She was clearly very distressed as well- this was the first personal mission for the two of them. It was someone important from their past. I took it upon myself to grab one of them, giving it a friendly squeeze. "We can rescue him, can't we?"

"He's one of ours. Of course we are," I promised the two. I then felt bad for being the one to speak up and looked to Coulson, only to see he seemed to be in complete agreement with me. Coulson and I seemed to be on the same wavelength most of the time. I still questioned the depth of our relationship some days still, but we seemed to have a clean slate as far as I could tell. It was sometimes enough to keep me up at night though.

"And the attackers?" Ward questioned.

"Invisible."

"Wait, invisible?" Skye questioned from next to me with a laugh. "Cool." I knew she was excited, but I tilted my head in the direction of Fitz-Simmons. She instantly drew back a bit. "But terrible obviously." With that, Ward gave her a look and picked her up by the arm- dragging her back towards the cargo ramp against her will. I looked at Simmons's watch after a beat of silence and decided now was as good a time as any to move forward with my plan for the day. I squeezed her hand once more before rising.

"I have to talk to May about something," I told the two of them. "Wish me luck." I knew by the fact that they didn't answer their minds were still obviously on their teacher. I gave my best reassuring smile. "We're going to find him," I promised to the two of them, meaning every word. "And we'll get him out of whatever situation he's in." I don't know if it stuck, but I hoped it did as I made my way up to the cockpit. This was it. Here we go. I was so on edge I didn't fall into the seat beside May, but this time slowly sat in it straight as a board, hands folded in my lap.

"Agent May," I began, clearing my throat. "I had something I wanted to ask you… given recent developments onboard the Bus." Nothing, but I wasn't expecting her to answer or acknowledge me until I finished. I just had to plow through and keep going. "You see, I have come to realize I am severely unprepared for the combat situations I find myself in. I know the basics, but my cover and this job requires more than that. So I need someone to help me and teach me so that I can do what Fury put me on this plane to do." I was jumping all over the place, but I seemed to be mostly sticking to the speech I had planned. "And since you both know my situation and are a certified badass, I thought I would ask if you would consider teaching me." There it was. I looked at her and she seemed as impassive as ever, giving me no sign she had even heard me. "So…"

"No." One word that cut right through me. It wasn't delivered with venom, but it was certainly delivered very coldly. I turned to face her straight on now, ready with my back-up information I had prepared. "I said no," she again told me before I could even start.

I knew I could rage. I could throw a fit. I could even just argue. But I was not going to convince her like that. She didn't think I was an Agent, so I had to put in extra effort to conduct myself like one. I still held hope I could eventually win her to my side- I just had to take the longer route around. "Alright then," I said simply as I rose. "Thank you for hearing me out."

She spoke again as I opened the door. "If you want my advice, you don't need to be taught how to handle those situations. You simply need to just stay out of them altogether." I'd like to say it didn't hurt, but obviously it did. Still I simply exited through the door with my shoulders held high and made my way back towards my bunk, not really wanting to spend time with anyone right now. I didn't know what exactly I had to do to convince May I needed to be here, but I wasn't giving up. This Bus was literally all I had at this point and the thought of being thrown off and walking away scared me more than anything we could possibly face out there as a team. I needed the place where all my memories were and I would fight for it as hard as I needed to. May wasn't going to take me down with a few simple words.

I was going to be so Agent this mission May was going to beg to teach me. I knew that would never really happen, but just picturing it made me feel a lot better actually.

XXX

Long sleeves in the desert sucked. I was starting to wonder how everyone did it without seeming to break a sweat. But I stuck it out without complaint, because it wasn't like I could roll them up or anything. I cursed Past Me for not putting the tattoo somewhere more subtle- like my stomach. I mean like then I couldn't rock a bikini, but at least then tank tops became a necessary option. At least it was night when we had touched down though, so it wasn't the worst it could be. I had spent the few hours that made up our flight in my bunk, looking up everything I could find on Dr. Hall on my tablet. I didn't understand most of it, but it was the thought that counted. I could see why Fitz-Simmons liked him so much though.

We made our way down the empty highway towards the scene in a straight line after disembarking from the Bus parked right off in the trees, and I prayed the road was really closed and a truck wasn't going to come barreling into me at any moment. I know the formation looked cool, but it seemed kind of silly when actually doing it. "Dr. Hall was an asset?" Skye asked me from right next to her, sending me her questions instead of her S.O. like usual. I just had a friendlier face I think.

"People can be assets," I explained kindly as we walked. "S.H.I.E.L.D. protects people, especially important scientists like Dr. Hall, from enemies who would love to get ahold of them for their evil schemes and grand master plans."

"We keep them hidden," Coulson thought to add, "keep them on the move." Skye seemed to catch on, nodding at the both of us in understanding. Simmons started to say something, but I found something in the trees that grabbed my attention and caused me to come to a halt. It was a car. A smashed car had somehow ended up in that tree.

"Coulson," I spoke up, pointing once I had his attention. He glances towards the tree and came to a stop as well, looking deep in thought as he stared at it. Everyone else soon turned their attention to the sight for a moment, looking completely out of their element about what we were dealing with. "It looks like they had a pretty good way past all that security." We turned our attention back towards the road, able to see the truck and its spilled contents just around the bend. The driver was sitting in the back of an ambulance getting looked at, and I made my way straight for him as everyone else took the scene in. Agents were scouring the place for evidence, but my concern at the moment lay with the man who had been in the middle of it all.

I took a seat next to him as above his eye was being packed with gauze. "Hi, I'm Agent Crawford." I extended my hand and he shook it in a way that nearly crushed all the bones.

"Agent Mack," he answered me, letting go of my hand and laughing as I shook it off. Coulson and May had talked with a few people and made their way over to the two of us, hovering behind me.

"Are you okay?" I asked the important question first. "It looked pretty… intense as we were coming up the road."

"I'm going to be fine," he assured me. "It takes more than this to take down Mack." But then he seemed to sober a bit, growing more serious. I gave a comforting look that hopefully encouraged him that he could talk to me. "I'm a tough guy, miss. I've been with S.H.I.E.L.D. for years and have done all sorts of things you wouldn't believe. So I don't spook easily this late in the game. But this, this was pretty damn scary miss."

I could see he meant it and made sure to let him know with my body language that I didn't judge him in the least. I was learning I was quite good at getting the feelings I wanted across, further helping me convince myself this people person thing just might be true after all. Maybe my lie was actually me stumbling on my gift after all. I took a look around the scene with a whistle. "You have no idea where they came from?"

"There was nothing over our shoulder or behind us," he rattled off. This must have been the millionth time he had to say this stuff. But then he locked eyes with me and added something that must have been new. "What's scary though is they knew our route. They were waiting for us."

I caught the implication immediately, and looked over my shoulder to make sure Coulson had as well. He had a look of severity on his face I hadn't seen before, and nodded for me to continue with what we were both thinking. It was so severe we had to make sure Mack meant what we thought he did. "Mack, are… are you saying you think someone in S.H.I.E.L.D. was somehow involved with all this?"

He took a moment before answering. "I'm sorry to say it, miss… but it had to be. There's no other way they could have done what they did." We were looking at a mole. This was huge.

"Fitz, what am I seeing here?" Simmons questioned loudly from where she was situated in front of the truck with a pair of bright green goggles on. I rolled my eyes and turned my attention back to Mack.

"Get better, okay? We'll take it from here."

"I appreciate it, miss. Can I just say I already feel a heck of a lot better just having someone as pretty as you stop by to talk to me."

"You're just trying to flatter me," I played along, noticing Coulson and May moving towards where everyone else had now gathered. I gave Mack a quick kiss on the cheek and rose to join them.

"Feel free to contact me anytime you're in need of a truck driver! I'll be your man!" he shouted to me, making me turn around to smile at him.

"I will keep that in mind, Mack. Thanks!" And then I felt something small pelt me on the back of the head. I turned my attention to see a cloud of rocks swirling madly in front on the team, held in the air as if by magic. Fitz was desperately hitting some buttons on one of his devices as I ducked down to avoid being hit anymore. My head needed a break. A moment later he had succeeded and the rocks all feel uselessly back to the road. I crept closer out from behind the group as Coulson bent down to pick up a small object, two rings that circled around a black sphere in the center. "Something that small did all this," I guessed with disbelief, looking at the car in the trees and the truck once more. "What even is it?"

"Something big," Coulson deduced before handing it off to Fitz. "Let's get back and have a look at it." With that, we all filed back in line towards the Bus without a word of protest (though I did give Mack one last wave), leaving this honestly chilling scene in our wake. I think we were all secretly happy to get away from it.

Fitz set right to work once we were back in the lab, examining it as I hovered next to Skye with Coulson and May on the other side of him. As we waited, I turned my attention to Coulson to address the important manner at hand. "Mack thinks Dr. Hall's movements were leaked from S.H.I.E.L.D." I reminded him.

"Or someone cracked our comm system," Coulson slowed me down a bit. Right. I hadn't thought about that one. That would also be bad, not as bad but bad.

"Do you think we have a mole?" May asked Coulson for his ultimate call.

"I think you should go through the communication logs, rule it out," he told her, making me almost sigh with relief that he seemed to agree with me. I had read the situation right after all. Go me. "We'll work the tractor tread that we found on the scene."

"I can do that instead of pull-ups," Skye volunteered, desperately enough I couldn't help but smirk. "I can upload an image of the tread pattern, check to see if there's any sort of-"

"Already done," Ward told us as he entered. May took this as her cue to head out and handle the task she had been given. "Matched it to a 2010 model. Found a list of purchasers within a 500-mile radius, narrowed those down to those with priors, financial trouble, or propensity for risk-taking." He put three faces up on the screens, all of them making my skin crawl just a bit. "Three suspects."

I had to admit I was impressed though. I didn't know Ward knew how to work his way around a program. The guy was definitely growing on me rapidly now that we had put the other stuff behind us. He knew what he was doing without a doubt. "Who may have sold their construction equipment to the kidnappers," Coulson looked the trio of troublemakers over. "We'll ask."

Ward seemed to take this as his cue to load up the car, heading out of the lab towards the cargo ramp. Skye seemed to take this as her cue to speak to Coulson. "Hey, so, Ward said a funny thing. He said that you guys don't have a truth serum."

"Did he?" Coulson questioned without anything to give himself away. "Ward said that?"

Skye nodded. "Yeah."

His facial expression didn't change in the slightest. "Interesting." Skye looked at me, but I shrugged to show I had gained as much from that word as she had- as in nothing.

"Yeah." Coulson then started for the cargo ramp himself and I followed, knowing that if they were going to interrogate some people than I needed to come with. I had to make sure we got the job done and stay as far away from May as at all possible today. Show her I could cut it out on the field.

"I'm sorry," he addressed me before we exited the lab, "but Lola only has room for two. And if we're dealing with the type of people I think we are, who shoot first and answer second, then I'm going to need Ward." I nodded and took a step back, understanding his drift. He could handle this and I was not going to be able to protect him from a gun if I wanted to. "Keep an eye on Fitz-Simmons, okay? You're practically their lab assistant at this point."

"I would be if they let me touch anything," I couldn't help but quip. He just smiled my way as he got into Lola's drive seat. Ward was already waiting beside him.

"Having heard what you did at the Slingshot, I can't say I blame them." And with that the two of them were heading down the ramp and off into the desert, leaving me to head back into the lab and hover without purpose like I normally do. So much for proving something.

"You're not going with them?" Skye asked from the table where she held the thickest binder I had ever seen in my life. Then again, I only had like a month stored up in the noggin, so that might not be much. I shook my head. "Then maybe you'd be willing to help me," she gestured to the binder. "I have to go through some communications and it would go a lot faster with two people," she practically sang.

Now I didn't want to in the slightest, but it wasn't like I had anything else to do around here. "You're lucky I like you," was all the response I gave before following her to the living room to get some reading done. I groaned as she dropped half her stack in front of me, but then quickly tucked in to get some actual work done.

XXX

I nearly cried in relief when Fitz came running in asking us to come back down to the lab a few hours later. Coulson and Ward were back and doing something, but we just had the papers. The endless boring papers that were slowly draining our sanity and sense of communication outside radio lingo. The only sort of joy I got was in seeing what Mack had to say sometimes. It was the only thing that attempted to make me smile. The rest was just endless. We were both in agony but just kept going- not even through half of it with the two of us combined. My neck was really starting to kill me and I'm pretty sure my stomach was threatening to revolt.

So I made a quick BLT sandwich and followed Fitz down to the lab, balking at Skye when I saw she had brought the binder down too because I was desperate for a brief distraction and to look at something other than black words on a white page. He sat us down in front of the screen with had the projected image of what Coulson had found earlier. "Gravitonium," he informed us, "It's an extremely rare high-atomic numbered element."

"That powers the device," Simmons followed. It was almost like they had prepped this presentation just for us. "It's so extremely rare that most people didn't believe it existed, much less the theory that an isolated positive charge-"

"Would turn the flow from isotropic-"Great. They were trading off sentences again. That would make this so much easier to follow. I was already so lost I was contemplating going back to the papers. No. That was a lie. That was so a lie. I never wanted to go back.

"Guys, high-school dropout here," Skye called attention to how lost she was.

"And, I'm not that, but I'm also very much not following on how this whole device works… like at all," I added.

"Well," Simmons began again, speaking slower than I though was necessary but I understood the sentiment behind the gesture. "Gravitonium distorts gravity fields within itself, causing an undulating, amorphous shape." Still not following, but I tried to stick with it as I took a bite of my sandwich.

"Which causes these, um… wiggly bits here." I gave him a thumbs up at his terminology which seemed to push him to keep going. "But when an electric current is applied, the Gravitonium solidifies." He was even doing hand gestures now. This was so much better. "And those gravity fields erupt, randomly changing the rules of gravity around it." He started for his computer, but not before grabbing half my sandwich and shoving it in his mouth.

"Hey!" I called him out with a full mouth, lettuce flying everywhere and making Jemma flinch at the mess, but it was already too late. Apparently I had a face that just screamed to him that he was perfectly fine taking all my food.

"Well, so, now you can imagine what would happen to a big rig at 100 kilometers per hour," Fitz added after he had chewed, knowing if would annoy me even more if he didn't. Or Jemma, who was now trying to clean up my lettuce. "Or, uh, well, you could just remember, 'cause we all saw it already, didn't we?"

"Yeah, and guess which genius published every theory about Gravitonium and possible applications… years ago?" Simmons asked. I felt like the answer was obvious, but this could still be a trick question. Still I went for it and threw my hand in the air.

"Dr. Franklin Hall!" I guessed.

"Correct," Fitz lauded me. "Plus, that was your best sandwich yet. You still need to perfect the bacon to lettuce ratio, but…" My look got him back on topic pretty swiftly. "And Dr. Hall attended the University of Cambridge at the same time as Ian Quinn." That was the guy Coulson had mentioned to Ward, the one they were suspecting was wrapped up in all this.

"Coulson may be off on this," Skye disagreed with what Fitz was implying. "Quinn is a notoriously good guy. His charity endowment's some like eight billion."

"Yes, with money made from leeching the earth of its resources," Simmons commented with a degree of venom. "Looks like he's dug up another."

Fitz rose from his chair and turned to Simmons, tablet in hand. "We should go show him this." The two nodded and started up the stairs, giving myself and Skye alone time with the dreaded binder.

"You think you finally find one of the good guys…"

I gave her a pat on the shoulder. "It's okay. We're the good guys and that's what matters. We're going to save Dr. Hall." There was a beat of silence as I let this sink in before speaking up again, trying to shake her from this funk. "Let's go crash that meeting and see if there's anything we can do." She gave me a smile and allowed me to pull her to her feet. "Leave the binder though. I want it out of sight for a bit." Now she was laughing at least. With that, the two of us made our way to the conference room where everyone else had gathered, staying towards the back to observe.

"Without a man inside," May had the floor shockingly, "it's impossible unless you're immune to pulse laser emissions."

"If we had a monkey, we could get in," Fitz volunteered out of the blue.

"Ugh, Fitz!" Jemma groaned and distinctly giving the impression this was a frequent point he jumped to.

"If we had a small monkey, he could slip through the sensors and disable the fence's power source with his adorable little hands." I wasn't a fan of the plan at first, but I think he won me over with that line. The Bus could use a pet after all.

"I could go in," Skye volunteered suddenly from beside me.

Ward didn't even pay her statement any mind. "Drop me in the hill outside Valletta. I'll spend a few weeks establishing a cover, gathering intel-"

"Hall doesn't have a few weeks," Coulson cut him off pretty quickly.

Simmons seemed to agree, Fitz nodding along with her as she spoke. "And to restate, any Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. caught on Maltese soil can be shot to death with bullets… legally."

"Not me," Skye chimed in again, stepping into the room. "I could go in."

"Skye," I offered gently, not trying to completely crush her dreams of grandeur but trying to get her to see sense. "I don't think-"

"Wait," Coulson surprisingly stopped me. "What are you saying?"

"Well, I'm not an Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.," she reminded us. "So I can go in without breaking all these stupid rules."

"International laws," Simmons reminded her of the gravity of the situation.

"This isn't something the Rising Tide can hack, Skye," Ward piled on.

"Did you hear the deadly laser part?" Fitz felt a need to add. Everyone was ganging up on her so much I almost wanted to switch side. "Without a brave monkey-"Yeah, I was still Team Monkey too.

"You said you could go in with a man inside," Skye argued, not afraid of any of them or their words. She had spunk.

May was regarding her with interest. "And you want to be that man?"

"Fitz-Simmons loved the guy, and he needs help. He needs the good guys to save him. They could be torturing him, or worse, making him do strength-training," she quipped, not exactly winning over the room with that one as she typed away on her phone.

"But you don't have the background or clearance or experience with any of this," Ward pointed out harshly.

"I know. But I've got an invitation," she smiled, brandishing her phone to all of us. "Well, technically, it's an e-vite." And with that, we descended into chaos. Everyone started saying things all at once, arguing with one another in a way that we hadn't for a while. But this was because we cared rather than lack of caring. Like I said, I was Team Monkey. But Skye had a lot of good points. I took it upon myself to know the higher-ups had to talk this one over quite a bit and grabbed Skye by the arm.

"Come on," I urged her. "Let's get back to that binder." She seemed reluctant, but followed me out back to the lab. "They need to do some serious talking in there, so we best let them be."

"You think I can do this, right?" she questioned, making me stop just before we hit the lab. She sounded so desperate. "I just… I need one person to believe that I can do this. Because-"

"Because you want to be able to do something and show that you belong here," I read her pretty easily. Though it was probably because those were my exact feelings about being around here as well. "That you are an Agent." Just looking at her I knew I had to do it. I had to give her the words that I was looking for myself, maybe to pay it forward in some weird way. Maybe if she heard this I could too somehow. "You can do this, because you are. And they will see that too, because they have to. I believe in you Skye." She pulled me in for a hug and I let her for a long moment, smiling that I could something to make one of us feel better at least.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"No problem," was all the answer I felt the need to give.

XXX

Skye got pulled away by a grumpy Ward a little bit into our search for some training, and not wanting to be in the middle of things and sexual tension and what have you I chose to relocate to my bunk with the binder. I was starting to once again completely lose my mind when the door slid open just a bit and I saw Fitz peek in.

"Hey," I greeted warmly. "What can I do for you?" He stood there for a moment, looking completely nervous and out of his skin- or at least more so than usual.

"I just um… I… I wanted to talk to you about something… if that's alright." I could sense it was serious and instantly moved over, somehow making enough room on the very small bed. He just stared for a moment before catching my drift, climbing onto the bed beside me and sitting with his head against the wall. It was honestly pretty cramped and uncomfortable, but I didn't mind especially after I saw him smile at the picture of the three of us in Peru on my wall.

"I'm honestly surprised you're here though," I admitted. "I thought you would go to Simmons for sure."

"I normally would," he answered, taking my pillow and hugging it to his self. "But I didn't want to talk to her about this."

"I didn't know there was such a thing."

"I honestly didn't either until now." He took a beat and I just gave him time before he spoke up again. "The first day on the Bus, just after we met, you and I ran into one another… and um, well you told me you thought I'd adjust." I nodded, recalling that. "I-I just don't think I really am."

"Fitz, it's only been a few weeks-"

"But Skye isn't even an Agent and she's already volunteering for missions. May is just supposed to fly the Bus and she's the whole reason we got out of that bind before. And you… you threw yourself up against two guys out of your league just to protect Simmons and me." He looked down, almost ashamed. "I've just hid in the lab for everything. I was even last in our line so I didn't have to do much."

I now officially sat up so I could lean against the wall next to him, pushing the binder to the end of the bed. "I think you're being awful to yourself right now, Fitz. If I remember correctly you saved me from falling out of the Bus-"

"That was just holding onto you for a few seconds. It required nothing. I wasn't putting my life at stake by doing it."

I frowned. "Fine. Use that excuse for that one. But just know you're not ready and the moment hasn't come yet… but that's completely fine. But it will and in the meantime it's okay to be in the lab. You are a great service to this team when you are. We'd be lost without you." Unfortunately, it didn't seem to stick like I wanted it to.

"How did you do all that stuff though? Cairo, Budapest-"

"I just had already had my moment- the moment where I had to be brave. You either step up or you clam up."

"What happened?" Shit. Okay, I could do this. Make something up that would help him.

"My… my dad was real sick when we were growing up," I began my little story having his undivided attention. "And it was hard on my mom to take care of him. I loved both my parents, they were the best, but she wasn't very happy. There were bills, there was the fact he needed constant supervision- it all was just too much. So one day I come home from school, I'm like ten, and she has the suitcase packed in her bedroom while he's asleep on the couch. She tells me that we're going. I take one look at my dad in the living room and I made my choice. I told her I wouldn't run away with her. She left and I quit school. I took care of us by conning people on the street out of their fortune. It wasn't good of me, but it kept us fed and housed. I made the mistake of pick-pocketing an S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent when I was fourteen with nothing but my charm, and he was so impressed he offered me a chance. A chance I only took after my dad had passed."

It had all come out so naturally part of me wondered if it was a memory. But an even deeper part of me knew it wasn't. I had just been making it up and Fitz's look made me feel completely awful about it. He thought we were having a moment and I had completely manufactured it. God, I sucked. But I might as well deliver it home now. "Ever since then brave has seemed like the easy option. So that was my moment." I put a hand on his knee and patted it a few times. "And one day it will be yours, and I know without a doubt you will step up and do whatever you need to do. You will adapt for the team. You will protect us and I believe that without a shadow of a doubt. I believe in you, okay?"

My heart nearly leapt out of my chest with glee when he nodded. "Thank you," he told me sincerely. He put my pillow back and started to move to get off the bed, but hesitated. "It means a lot that you told me that, Ash. You're a really good friend."

And now I felt worse. "It means a lot that you listened, Lee," I answered his nickname with one of my own. "You are too." But the nail in the coffin of guilt was the world's most awkward hug he gave me before ducking out and leaving me alone once again. I fell back on my pillow, trying to push the guilt trying to drown me for what I had just pulled away. And the smile Fitz had given me as I got through to him almost did the trick, but then I remembered it was all a lie and I was drowning again.

I was only saved from my head when Ward stuck his head in to say Coulson wanted us all back. I had never been happier to see him honestly.

XXX

"Skye will walk in the front door," Coulson briefed us once we all had been called back to the room. She looked at me and I gave her a thumbs up of encouragement. "The only external access point to Quinn's underground facility is from a beach cove. A two-man extraction team could slip in there, but it's not easy. Fitz-Simmons."

With that, Fitz stepped up to the screen displaying Quinn's fortress for lack of a better word. "The perimeter is surrounded by a 20-foot-high neodymium laser grid. Touch it and you're toast."

"Dead toast," Coulson added. "The only way to disable the grid is to crack the system and trigger a reboot. This would give the team three seconds to cross. Of course, Quinn's too smart to allow any wireless access on his property."

"That's where I come in," Skye surmised. I watched Ward getting everything together in one corner of the room and couldn't help but fretting. Two of my guys were going in by themselves. This just didn't sit right with me in a lot of ways- I could almost feel my tattoo burning under my sleeve.

"Yes, working compact," Simmons presented to Skye from a padded box. "Holds up under x-ray."

"Desert rose to match your complexion." I couldn't help but roll my eyes at how obvious Fitz was being. Of course he noticed Skye's complexion and no one else's and would tell that to her straight. It was enough to get me to disconnect from this conversation and make my way over to Coulson.

"Can we make it three?" He looked up at me curiously. May was shooting me a look but I ignored her. I wasn't letting this happen without me. "Can we make the extraction team three? I don't want to question orders, but this is a hostage scenario that requires the hostage to be compliant once we find him." I hoped I was making sense as I spouted this out. "He could be disoriented or afraid and you're not trained for that kind of specialist work."

"But you are?" he probed. I nodded.

"Hall's one of ours, and he's in trouble," I continued, surprised I hadn't been shut down yet. "I want to help make sure you get him out. I can carry my weight."

"He's not worried about that," May cut in harshly. "But I'm worried about the fact that neither of you are specialists. I've already seen far more combat than I bargained for and I was hoping to avoid it, but-"

"That's why you're not on it," Coulson reminded her.

"I think we could use her," Ward surprisingly leapt to my defense. "She's right. This is the kind of scenario she was meant to be put in." Like I said, I was really starting to like Ward. "If everything goes according to plan, she should be just fine."

May now clearly had had enough and started to lash out at me. "She doesn't even have a weapon, Coulson. She has no real combat training. She will have no use to you out there other than dragging her along. You do not need to be watching her back as well as your own. It will get you killed."

"I know her skills. I picked her for this team after all," Coulson reminded her. I could tell May wanted to blow it right then and there, but she thankfully managed to hold her tongue. I could tell I wasn't winning her over with this move though, but at this point I didn't care. Two of my three boys were going so I was too. I was going to make sure they were safe like I was meant to do. I was going to be an Agent. I was going to be brave. I was going to be one of the good guys. And there was nothing she could say or do outside spilling everything that would change that, and even then I would put up a hell of a fight.

"Crawford, you're with us then," Coulson decided. "You stick with one of us the whole time and do your thing when we get to Hall."

"Absolutely, sir." I had to keep from pumping my fist in victory, but I played it very cool and collected. I had this. Or did I? Now that I did have it I might be starting to reconsider a bit what exactly I had just pushed myself into doing.

"Alright, team, suit up," he told us, heading out to get ready himself. I did my best to ignore May's eyes boring holes into the back of my head and went with Ward to get the gear I needed. Fitz gave me an encouraging pat on the back as I walked past.

"Be safe," he told me. I just nodded stiffly, still a bit in disbelief over what I had just argued for doing. But there was no turning back now I suppose.

Still wish we went with the monkey plan.

XXX