Cold Hard Truth
"No," May said with much more force than I actually thought necessary, especially when paired with a kick to the chest that sent me slamming face first into the mat below us. At this point, I kind of didn't want to get back up at all. I was sweating up a storm through my tank top and the mat just felt so cold against my cheek right now. But May wasn't one for taking five let alone' let's just curl up on the mat and take a nap'. It made me almost wish we could go back to breathing deeply for an hour a day despite my insistence I was ready for the next step. So here we were slowly making the transition to combat practice- otherwise known as me getting my ass handed to me on a minute-by-minute basis.
I hurt all the time these days. Skye and I would have sat around during lunch comparing wounds and bruises if Ward wasn't going so easy on her. These days it mainly consisted of me shifting and groaning while she chuckled sympathetically and made me up something delicious to briefly take the pain away. Skye's cooking might literally be saving my life at this point, but I couldn't help but envy what she was up to these days. I mean, I know she had a broken arm, but what kind of training was board game Agent Ward? Disgraceful!
"Ahem." Oh yeah, I was still on the mat. I gave May a cold glance that showed a bit of my current contempt for my teacher, which she of course ignored, and forced myself back up to my feet. As I pushed up my eyes locked on the tattoo fully exposed on my wrist and remembered what we had been discussing. Or what I had been trying to discuss. May was really good at shutting a conversation down, especially when blows were an option. Still, I had to play her game and placed myself in the ready defensive stance she always wanted me to start with. "You won't be able to talk your targets to death when you're in the field."
"According to my history I should be able to," I disagreed, ducking under a blow. She was clearly going easy on me right now. I'd seen what she could do and it did not involve telegraphing her motions as she did now. She insisted it was for my benefit though as I would learn many people did. "I'm the Master Talker and everyone believes it. Coulson thinks I have all these skills and trusts me to have his back. He told me that I make people better." I moved right and brought my fist up to connect with her side. She insisted I could go full-out on her and I listened. I also don't think I had even given her a bruise at this point. "But it all stems from a lie. And I think it might be time to change that."
"You are under strict orders," she reminded me as I missed an obvious tell and was knocked in the jaw for my troubles. "Orders from the Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. - the organization you claim to have served and do serve. To be an Agent you have to trust orders unconditionally."
"Well, maybe I'm having trouble trusting Fury," I admitted to something that had been on my mind a lot the past few days. "It's been a month and he hasn't found a single thing about who I was. Or at least he hasn't told me anything about it." His taking the cup flashed through my brain. It had to have a match somewhere right? I couldn't not exist because I was clearly right here. I existed. And I had to have come from somewhere. I didn't just materialize in that office for the first time. "He hasn't told you anything, right?"
My moment of vulnerability wasn't taken well as she knocked my legs out from under me and I met the mat once again. She loomed over me, but I realized as long as I was down here she couldn't distract me with blows. "May, I'm serious." I looked right into her eyes, which of course gave me no clue what she was thinking. But I was hoping my ability to make a connection was working. "Has Fury told you anything about me? Because I want to know. I-I actually really deserve to know."
"He has commented to me about the difficulty of the situation," she admitted after the longest moment of silence. "But that is all. You have to trust that if he knows more and has not spoken about it then he has the right reason to." She extended a hand and I allowed her to help me up. "Just as you cannot speak to the team about that. It will erase all the hard work and effort you have put in becoming a member of this team. If you lose what that says and are released from the Bus, then you truly will have nothing." I glanced at the tattoo, feeling that familiar burn whenever it was mentioned. It had been driving me crazy these past few days after that talk with Coulson. I was done with the lies. Part of me, I think part of me believed he might still think I was the same person and value me just as much if I came clean. My role on the team would be exactly the same.
But I knew ultimately that just wasn't a possibility. May was right that coming clean would just ruin every relationship I had worked so hard to build. This Bus was literally all I had- there was no place I could go if this whole thing fell apart. And I think I was just selfish enough that I couldn't let that happen. I didn't want to be alone. I think it was the only thing that held me back these days- the complete fear in losing it all with absolutely nothing to fall back on. I woke up with a name and a tattoo, so logic dictated losing one at this point would literally be losing half of me.
"This is what being an Agent is," she told me, not in a harsh manner but merely a matter-of-fact on as her hand was still clenched around my arm. "You have a mission. You complete it by following orders and doing what needs to be done." With that, she walked away and tossed me my sweater from the ground beside the mat a moment later. The message was clear, so I quickly put it on- hiding those eight words and putting the mask back on. I had to be Agent Ashleigh Crawford, Level Seven once again.
I took a quick shower before collapsing on my bunk. I was exhausted, but quickly noticed a note pinned next to the picture of us in Peru. 'Episode Three after Your Training,' was written in Skye's messy but completely legible cursive. 'No Excuses,' was scrawled directly below it in Fitz's much messier hand which made it nearly impossible to read. Luckily, I had been receiving quite a few of these notes lately and was getting well acquainted with his impossible handwriting. Plus I could go to Simmons if I ever had a question because she was a master at making 'Pork roast colon spaghetti' turn into 'Ate the last Pop Tart sorry'. It was a miracle really.
I knew there was no getting out of this, so I snatched the note and rolled to the edge on my bunk to dismount despite my over whelming desire to sleep. After a joke failed to leave an impression on me, Fitz and Skye had discovered the fact that I hadn't seen Star Wars. Or that I didn't remember seeing Star Wars, but that idea I kept to myself. So our journey began. There had been many arguments on whether to start from One or Four, for some reason, but they had settled on chronological so that things got better rather than worse. The first two had been… okay I guess. I didn't really have a lot to compare to honestly.
They were waiting in front of the television with popcorn, Ward seated in one of the chairs beside Skye. She had been trying to convince him to attend, and it looked like she had finally softened him enough. Ward couldn't hold out on something for Skye very long is all I'm saying. I offered him a smile and he smiled back, things actually pretty okay between us these days. I wedged myself between Skye and Fitz, putting the bowl of popcorn in my lap so we could all reach it easily. This had been decided in Episode Two when Skye polished the whole thing and Fitz had to stalk off to make another bag and miss Yoda with a lightsaber. He was grumpy the whole next morning. "Let's do this," I gave the signal and Fitz pressed play on the remote.
All I'm going to say is watching a movie about betrayal while being amongst the people you are actively lying to in that very moment and you swear your tattoo is burning so fiercely it is going to set your sweater on fire- it's pretty trippy.
XXX
I woke the next morning to Simmons practically shaking me awake. "Ashleigh, wake up!" I groaned and tried to roll over, but she was surprisingly strong- or I wasn't really trying. "For goodness sakes, it's eleven and you're still dead to the world. I swear you waste so much good daylight with these habits of yours. Either that or May needs to go even easier on you than she already is." If I was awake fully, I think I would have taken offense to that. She gave me a really good shake this time that nearly sent me toppling out of the bunk.
"Ashleigh! We have a mission, so you need to get out of bed and get into the conference room." I vaguely registered those words and slowly sat up, rubbing the sleep from eyes. "You know he doesn't like to waste time when something comes up." That was very true, and that is exactly why I entered the conference room exactly three minutes later still in my pajamas with my hair all askew, joining everybody around the table. Simmons had abandoned me as soon as she knew I was awake, meaning I was the last one in alone.
"Nice to see you dressed for the occasion," was all Coulson gave me with a slight smirk. I shrugged, trying to appear that I wasn't completely mortified to be standing in front of my team in cotton shorts and long-sleeved shirt… with no bra. Everyone was doing their best to politely keep their eyes off the area in question, except for Ward sneaking a few longer glances. Yeah, I noticed buddy! Not that is wasn't anything Ward hadn't- stop. Stop that right now. I needed to be a professional, so I lifted my shoulders a little higher and made eye contact with my boss.
"I just didn't want to waste any more time." And that seemed to work for him and he immediately dived into the mission that had been put in front of us. A picture of a man appeared on the table and rotated. He looked slightly older than me and was clearly of Asian heritage. He also looked really pissed off that this picture had been taken.
"Chan Ho Yin," Coulson began, "just a struggling street performer until a few years ago when Mr. Chan began to exhibit moderate pyrokinetic abilities." So we were playing with fire. How metaphorically appropriate.
"So what gave him powers?" Fitz asked from across the table.
"It's still under investigation, but Chan did live near the decommissioned Wan Tai nuclear plant when it caught fire."
As we took this in, my hand shot up. I quickly realized we weren't in a classroom though and put is down as Coulson looked my way, clearing my throat. "Just asking, were there others who lived near this fire that we might have to consider? Are they possibly in play as well?"
"To our knowledge, no other residents exhibited similar traits." Well, that was a relief. I could maybe get the nerve to go up against one fire guy, but an army of them seemed like too tall an order to keep everyone safe in. I mean this guy really looked like he wasn't happy with us just from a picture. Imagine if he had a bunch of friends with him.
"How did we find out about him then?" Simmons chimed in curiously from next to me. She was scrutinizing the picture with her usual analytical eye, obviously trying to figure out how his body compensated and allowed for such powers. I was clearly spending too much time around fancy words in the lab.
"Informant saw him lighting torches in a street show," May explained, "with his pinkie." Well, that was impressive and certainly beneficial for his line of work. I could tell the others around me felt the same way, but it was with a more nervous edge than I thought was coming from me. They were scared of that fact and what he was capable of- I was thinking about his daily life.
"We told him to keep his abilities under wraps," Coulson continued. And I realized exactly why the pissed off face in the picture. This man was not happy with S.H.I.E.L.D. for that development in the slightest. We took away the one advantage he had after all. "He's been on the index ever since."
"The index?" Skye questioned. I had glanced over it briefly when studying up on my tablet, the concept not the names on it, and remembered the vague outline it served. I had merely nodded my head and kept going. But now, it was starting to bring up some qualms for me when I connected it to an actual person. It just didn't seem fair to him.
"It's a list of people and objects with powers that S.H.I.E.L.D. is currently aware of," I explained to Skye as per usual, watching her eyes widen at the implications I was struggling with right now.
"Wait What?" she questioned all of us. "How many are there? Are you saying there are more people-"
"Not many," May cut in to derail her.
"Well, enough to keep a list," Skye shot back with a little venom.
Coulson got in before things got a little too tense. "A short list, meant to protect them." Okay, he was making me feel better about this whole thing with a few words. Just trust Coulson.
"Though, in rare cases, S.H.I.E.L.D. has had to take action," Ward felt it necessary to add, throwing me off kilter again. Clearly, Ward needed to keep his mouth shut when in this room because it never made me feel better.
"Action against objects or people?" Skye glanced to everyone, but mainly Coulson and May. She took their silence for what it was. "Well, that's drastic with a side of creepy." Strangely enough, I found myself agreeing with her in this case. Though as an Agent I had to do my best to look at her like she was going off on nothing like the others were. It was supposed to be ingrained in me that I was for this. I needed to play my part. "How are they monitored… tapped phone? Satellite surveillance? Body probes in dark, unpleasant places?"
"Body probes?" Fitz cut in, voice laced with disbelief. "Now, that's ridiculous. S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn't do that. We don't do that." He then paused, attention going to Coulson again. "Do we?"
"The methods vary," Coulson explained as he worked on brining something up on the television. "Mr. Chan was very low risk." I snorted to myself, but hid it as a sneeze. Fire didn't seem like something you put in the low risk category of the index to me. "He was assigned a case agent who checked in with him every few day. That's how we discovered he was missing."
The television then pulled up a small and very garishly yellow apartment that was being searched by what looked to be about three to four Agents from the suits. It seemed pretty small for what a man like him was capable of doing, and it was starting to give me the sense that something didn't line up with this situation. May had a quick dialogue in Cantonese I believe with the man in the center of the television, he looked very dignified and to be around Coulson's age and rank, who now was giving us his full attention before she brought us up to speed. "Everyone, this is Agent Kwan, Chan Ho Yin's case agent." We all gave a cute coordinated little wave and I felt him glance my way a second longer than all the others. I folded my arms across my chest just in case. "What can you tell us?"
"Not much, I'm afraid," he told us frankly as his men continued their search. "Chan is a magician, so at first I thought he'd made himself disappeared."
"The file says you'd caught him violating his index agreement before."
"On two separate occasions… claimed we were 'hampering hos artistic expression'." Everything about this seemed to be pointing in a different direction for me, a very dangerous one I would have to bring up to Coulson as soon as I got a chance. Something told me this guy wouldn't come running back into our arms once we found him again. "But late last night, he was taken by professionals." He finally held up the bag that had been with him this whole conversation which had a shiny metallic look to it. "The only thing left behind was this scrap of aluminized metal." I was getting good at this science thing.
"Fireproof clothing," Simmons voiced before my mind even thought of it. Okay, maybe not great at science yet. I would leave the heavy lifting to my colleagues.
"So whoever took him knew about his powers," Ward carried it a step further.
"Yes, and we think we know why. Over the last few days, tech division discovered a crack in our data stream. It's the same cyber punks who hacked us before." Oh no. "Somehow, they got in again. It's the Rising Tide." And just like that all eyes were on Skye, even mine unfortunately. And she looked wholly uncomfortable with all the attention. "Hello?" Agent Kwan asked. "It got really quiet. You guys still there?" The man even walked forward and tapped the glass, shattering the quiet moment as Coulson turned back to face him.
"Thank you, Agent Kwan. We'll take it from here." Kwan gave a bow before the television shut off back to the S.H.I.E.L.D. logo flashing in all our faces. "Skye, I'd like to speak to you in my office with Agent Crawford." Me? I didn't do anything! And quite frankly, I didn't believe Skye had either. Which is why I went along with following Coulson up the stairs to his office with only a glance back at the other three- Ward having insisted he come as her SO. It was my first time in his office and as Coulson settled in his chair I took a moment to admire all the memorabilia and old school toys and gadgets on the walls. He certainly had quite the collection and one day I'd have to ask him to go over it with me.
But right now was about Skye, and she was clearly on the defensive from the moment she walked in. "The Rising Tide is a huge organization of hacktivists from all around the world. Any one of them could have done this! It wasn't me." She almost seemed frantic in her defense and I just wanted to give her a comforting hug like she had for me. But something also didn't seem right and I tried to put my finger on what it was.
"No one's saying it was, Skye," I reminded her with a kind smile. This is why I was in this room. Coulson wanted me to deliver and get her to open up as I had done before.
"But they're thinking it. All of them except you. I can see their faces thinking it," she voiced with frustration, glancing at Ward and Coulson. The poor girl was really scared about what was going to happen and strangely it reminded me how similar Skye and I were. If this was then end of the road for her then she had just as much to return to as I did. No family with all her friends being contained on this Bus. She was fighting to keep the only thing she had left, and she was excluding me because she thought I was in her corner. So I needed to help her fight for this. I needed to bury my own doubts and feelings so I could help my friend.
"We're assessing the situation," Coulson told her in a very measured voice. His face was betraying nothing, which was only the case when he was being guarded around a person and didn't fully trust the situation.
"Then I'm sure you're taking into account that I have been living on a plane with you this whole time. It would be impossible for me to hack S.H.I.E.L.D."
"Or easier," he countered, which was honestly true. "We're going to need more than that." He was clearly pushing and testing her loyalty, something that made me both relieved and nervous about how he was viewing this situation.
"Fine," she agreed. Let me trace the hack, and I'll prove it."
"I believe her, sir," I voiced my opinion, earning a significant glance from Coulson. "Let's give her the benefit of the doubt."
"So do I," Ward agreed, which wasn't surprising in the least. "And we still need to track down the person responsible."
Coulson took a moment before addressing Skye with a very cool attitude that betrayed nothing. "Dig up something and fast. The longer Mr. Chan's missing, the more danger's he in." Skye nodded with determination and headed out the door without another word, Ward right behind her. I knew this was my time to speak to Coulson about what I was feeling and went to stand directly across from him.
"I'm worried about when we find Chan," I began, trying to look brave under his full attention. My opinion was solid and valid. He wouldn't belittle me for having it. So I needed to just put it out there. "This is a man who thinks he has something special that could make his whole life better. He wants attention and to be known judging by his career choice. I mean, he's a magician who can in a way literally do magic. But with the index, we've put him in a very tight box. A box in which he has poked his head out of a few times on his own. He doesn't want the life he had- you can see it just in that apartment. So I'm worried that when we find him, he might not be so eager to come with us."
"It's either us or his kidnappers, Crawford," he brought up. I could tell he wasn't discounting my theory, merely giving me something that needed to be considered. And I had.
"But they knew about his power- were prepared for it. What if whoever this group is that took him wants him for that power. It has to be for them to go after him specifically. And they're going to do something S.H.I.E.L.D. never did, sir. They're going to tell him to embrace it, to run with it, even to make it stronger so they can use it. They're the bad guys to us, but to a frustrated and resentful man like Chan they might just be his heroes. And he might just fight to stay with them."
Coulson thought on this for a moment which seemed like an hour to me as I just shifted back and forth, playing with my sleeve. "I will make sure these concerns are voiced to Agent Kwan and accounted for. It's a very interesting read on the situation and something we need to be prepared to handle. Thank you for the insight."
"You're welcome," I couldn't help but smile. Look at me, being smart and coming up with important ideas all by myself. I was really starting to get the hang of this whole operation. "I might need a tour of all this one day, sir," I gestured to the walls of the office. "There are a lot of stories here and I'd love to learn about them."
"Once this mission is wrapped up, I will make sure that happens." I think I let my excitement at a private tour show and it was enough to make him smile. Which was a great thing in my opinion and I wished he would do it more. But it was gone a few seconds after it appeared with the worries of the day. "What's your read on Skye?"
"I do believe her," I voiced, much more confident this time around with sharing my thoughts. "But there's something- I just get the hint she's not telling us everything. I mean, I'm sure we all have our secrets as well so it might be nothing at all. I trust her. But I also worry I'm starting to put blinders on when it comes to her because I do trust her." With that stream of completely useless information, I decided it was about time I go put some clothes on. "If it's okay sir, I think I'm going to go make myself decent for the rest of this mission. Don't want to be running around looking for Chan in my pajamas."
"Yes, I would appreciate it if you showed a better dress code when it comes to briefings that require discussions with other Agents especially." Well, this was mortifying. I was practically running to the door when I heard him speak again. "I'd even be willing to put things on hold a few extra minutes in the conference room so you can do that."
And just like that, the smile was back on my face.
XXX
I tried to make the shower quick, knowing that though Skye was slower due to only having one she would find where Rising Tide had hacked us in no time. I threw my hair up in a ponytail, threw on my jeans with sneakers and a red sweater today, and grabbed a Pop Tart for myself before booking it back to the conference room.
I found everyone there gathered around the table, the atmosphere telling me we already knew where we were going. I wordlessly pulled up beside Fitz, Pop Tart hanging out of my mouth like the true professional I was. "We got a hit," Skye informed us as a picture of a seemingly normal guy appeared on the table- a man with a beard and mustache combo that really worked for him. I looked to her for any sign of recognition, but didn't see anything.
"Miles Lydon," Fitz said with a deep breath, "Not Sky… that's to all of our relief." With that, he split my Pop Tart in half, leaving half in my mouth and half now in his.
"I'd be more than happy to share with you, Lee," I said with my mouth still full. "Thanks for asking."
"You know him?" Coulson asked Skye, ignoring our antics.
"Every hacker in the world knows him," she replied very clinically. Something was off here, but I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was.
"Not just the hacker world," Simmons spoke up, awe evident. "He infiltrated the Kremlin."
"Yeah," Fitz backed her up. "The picture of, uh, Putin shirtless on horseback… that was his hack."
"Sounds like a fun day in Mother Russia," I quipped, slightly impressed by this guy. Fitz laughed and went to add something, but Ward cut in.
"It was also his hack that got Chan kidnapped." And once again he brought the entire mood of the room down as only Agent Ward could. I seriously needed to petition for him to be silent when in the briefing room.
"May, set a course for Austin." She had already been typing away on her tablet when Coulson spoke.
"Just did."
"What about Chan?" Skye inquired.
"Kwan's got an S.H.I.E.L.D. team on the ground. I just spoke to him again and he agrees our best bet is to chase this thing from the other end. Find Mr. Lydon, bring him in. See what he knows."
Coulson started out of the room and the rest of us followed to get ready, but I didn't miss the look Fitz gave Skye that she didn't notice. He was relieved that she hadn't been our hacker like we all were, but it was clear that he felt more for her than just a relieved friend. It was cute, seeing Fitz with a crush. But I made sure to elbow him in the gut as he walked through the door. "You owe me half a Pop Tart."
"If it really means that much to you, Ash, I will, uh, present you with half a Pop Tart to make up for the one I cruelly and viciously stole from you."
"It does," I played along. "So thank you." I thought of something and pointed a finger at him. "And it has to come from somewhere other than my supply in the kitchen. You have to produce this half solely on your own merit, alright?"
"Whatever you say, Ash." He started for the lab and I fell in step right beside him, having nowhere else I needed to be until we got to Texas. "Whatever you say." Skye and Simmons were already down there and I made my way over to my hacker friend. She was playing with her phone and looked surprisingly serious.
"Hey, I'm sorry you had to go through all that trouble," I nudged her. "But you're in the clear now and it's only going to make Coulson trust you more in the long run. Think of it like a test- one that you passed with flying colors."
"I'm fine. You don't need to try and cheer me up, you know." I could tell she was upset, so I did the most Skye thing I could think of. I just put an arm around her and after a moment she leaned her head onto my shoulder. She was big on physical contact, something not many of this Bus were extremely fond of, so I did my best to make sure she got enough hugs in a day. "Thank you for believing me," she said so only I could hear it.
I leaned my head so it was on top of hers. Of course I had. The others thought like Agents first and foremost, approaching the situation analytically. I just looked at the person without that training behind me. And that made me unique to the others on the Bus maybe- I was something completely different. That's what I brought to this dynamic. And it didn't require me being a fake Agent to do it in the slightest.
We sat there for a bit while Fitz-Simmons ran this way and that with some new device they were working on to deal with heat scenarios, Coulson having told them to be prepared just in case, arguing if they could get it ready in time or if it would remain theoretical. When I released Skye she went back to her phone and I grabbed my tablet from my bunk to look into Chan's misdemeanors a little more thoroughly. It seemed like he had just as much anger as I was expecting when it came to what being on the index meant for him. There had even been an altercation with his handle once, though Chan had seemed to immediately regret it. He wasn't a bad guy- he just wasn't who he wanted to be. And whoever kidnapped him might be promising him that. The worried pit in my stomach about this just continued to grow. But I'd be there to make sure my team was safe. Soon enough, May came over the intercom after a few hours of us all just doing our own thing and enjoying one another's company.
May and I were to be left on the Bus while the others went out. Coulson wanted me to make the Interrogation Room ready and have a plan of action for when they brought Lydon in. May was to change our coordinates and make ready so we could head straight for Chan when we got him, despite her arguing that she wanted to be out in the field. Coulson finally got her to cave when promised her next time it was all hers. I waved everybody off as they started down the cargo ramp in three separate vehicles, Fitz-Simmons waving back to me with large smiles. They were going along to track Lydon with the hopes that between Coulson, Ward, and Skye they should be able to intercept the man.
As I made my way through the lab, I noticed Skye had left her phone on the table we had both been sitting at. Which was weird because it was never out of her sight on most occasions, and when it was I think she locked it up with what little security we had from one another here. It was just a personal thing to her. I got it. And I meant to just take it to her bunk and set it on her dresser. I really did. But it buzzed practically the moment I touched it.
'Thanks for the tip' It was from a contact named Miles. And my heart literally sank. The phone was locked of course, but I had seen her do the swiping maneuver more times than I could count that unlocked it. And it may have made me a horrible person but I did it. I unlocked her phone and saw the text she had sent Miles while I had been sitting right next to her. 'S.H.I.E.L.D. is on your tail for the Index Hack. Be careful and meet me at your apartment.'
I was running so fast to the cockpit that I nearly tripped over one of the chair. She had lied to us. She was working with Miles. How did I miss it? But I knew exactly how really. I had been her friend instead of an Agent. I threw the door open and May just stared at me as I thrust the phone out towards her. She glanced though it and her entire demeanor hardened. She grabbed it from my and deposited it on the steering console.
"Get in a car. We're leaving." I immediately did as she said, not even wanting to give her the hint of a challenge when she was in a mood like this. Skye was going to have to watch her back when we found her because May might just kick her into a wall. She got into the driver's seat a moment after I was in the passengers and thrust her tablet into my hands. "She left the phone so we couldn't track her. I need you to for anything that could indicate Lydon's apartment." I realized quickly that she had downloaded every single text Skye and Miles had exchanged onto here- even the deleted ones somehow. We rocketed down the ramp so fast I had to brace myself, thanking God I had enough time to put my seatbelt on. I had never driven with May and I was starting to think I had been lucky so far.
I scrolled though hundreds of messages before I found something. "I got one from when they first met." She grabbed the tablet from me, while she was still driving which made me slightly panic, and easily sent the address to the GPS. Soon we were rocketing and weaving through streets with a destination in mind at least. She also sent the address to Coulson and the others, though they were a bit farther out than we were- having lost Miles at the café. Because of Skye. It was like a punch to the gut whenever I thought about it. It sucked learning one of your only friends had been filled with ulterior motives.
We made it with record time, May hardly bothering to park really. I followed her us the stairs of the building and stood by as she picked the lock to the apartment that belonged to Miles. We were in within ten seconds, silently slinking through the door. The woman is a real life ninja.
The apartment had tech and computers littered everywhere, which I was cautious to avoid because it might blow up for all we knew with my luck. It was quite a mess. There were even clothes scattered around- that was a woman's top. That was a woman's top… that I had seen on a person earlier. I quickly snatched it up and saw May had locked her attention on a closed door that had to lead to the bedroom. Oh, this was so much worse than I thought. I came up next to her and heard hushed and playful voices, one male and one female, from the other side. We simply waited, me staring at the ceiling and trying to remove any mental pictures that may be forming.
"But they're never gonna let me go on anything if I don't find my stupid-"There she was. The door opened and there was Skye in her undergarments staring at the two of us in complete shock. I quickly looked away so as not to mortify her more, but I could bet May was staring daggers into her. "…top."
"Get. Dressed." May ordered in her iciest tone and I thrust out the top in my hands towards her. She grabbed in from me, sputtering and failing to explain herself with a glare that powerful on her. She quickly realized the jig was up and retreated into the bedroom as she claimed she would be out in a minute. I made my way over to the couch and decided to make myself comfortable, after moving the crap that was on top of it first. Did Miles have any alcohol? Because I needed some.
May had the two of them, thankfully now dressed; sit until the others arrived in the most eerie silence I've ever experienced. Even Miles had the brains to know not to speak up with her towering over the two of them. Skye kept glancing my way for some reason, I suspected looking for support or in means of an apology, but I just kept my focus on the door. I couldn't even look at her right now. I thought she had been just as dedicated to protecting this team as I had been. But it looked like I now had to protect them from her.
Fitz-Simmons set about looking into the computers Lydon had scattered about without a word or a glance, though the betrayal was evident in their posture. Fitz was still as the grave and Simmons wasn't bouncing about the place. They were pissed. Ward hadn't said anything, which was the worst sign from him. He wouldn't be leaping to her aid this time. But that was nothing to how blank Coulson looked, guard completely up, as he joined May in standing over the two of them- leafing through papers that had been next to the computer.
"I know how this looks…" Skye began, only to be silenced by a finger from Coulson. She almost shrunk under it really. I got up off the couch and made my way to Fitz-Simmons, putting a hand on each of their shoulders in silent solidarity. We were all going through the same thing together and we would get through this. Fitz shrugged me off pretty quickly, but I knew he understood the message and appreciated it. Simmons just let is stay there while she worked.
"How long have you two been in contact?" Coulson questioned, back to the Interrogation Mode Skye had only seen him in the day they met.
"I contacted him once the day I joined to tell him I was okay and once earlier today."
"When you tipped off an active suspect?"
"No, it's not like that," Skye disagreed desperately. "Miles and I… we met when we were both a little screwed up. Scratch that. He was a little screwed up. I was a lot. But we looked after one another." She was looking for sympathy but no one was biting. Not even me. "That's why I warned him- not because we're working together on this but because we're… friends." I finally turned to look at her, seeing how small she was and that she did look genuinely upset. "I'm really sorry."
"Noted," was all Coulson offered her. "If not you, then who is Mr. Lydon working with?"
"No one. He's an idealist, believes in freedom of information."
"That information cost a man his freedom, and you sabotaged out attempts to remedy that." Oh, he was angry now.
"No. I came here to find out what Miles knows about Chan," she fired back, trying to show some backbone against him now.
"And?"
"Nothing. Miles is a dead end. He's harmless."
"We'll see."
"Really, I was gonna find out everything I could to try to help. I just… felt like I couldn't tell you guys everything." And I wanted to hate her. I wanted to be like everyone else in this room right now. But I understood exactly what she was saying. I was everything she was saying. And one day it might be me on that couch with Coulson towering over me in disappointment. Only my lies were so much bigger. I didn't want this to be my future. I couldn't let this be.
"I thought so, but I gave you the benefit of the doubt. It almost cost me this mission if Crawford hadn't worked out what she did. Seems that wasn't a dead end." And with that he walked away from her, joining the rest of us in tearing through the apartment while she just hung her head.
"Why would Skye do this to us for him?" Fitz asked me and Simmons, voice laced with anger and hurt that he was trying to hide. I felt so bad for him. His crush had been a traitor in his eyes. "I thought she was our friend."
"She is, Lee," I told him my honest thoughts, having cooled down slightly at the sight of her.
"He's just obviously more than that," Simmons added, I think driving the knife in even further for the poor guy.
"Yeah, but we've been through so much together and she didn't even tell us she had a guy." At that, Ward knocked over a lamp and made everyone flinch. I suspected he had heard what Fitz has said and this whole thing was hitting him pretty hard to. Coulson went to collect May and Lydon from where she had been questioning him in the bedroom while I made my way over to Ward and picked up the pieces of the lamp silently. He seemed to get what I was going for in the gesture and helped me up when I was done.
"Gather all the evidence and secure the prisoners," Coulson ordered, causing all of us to scramble. "We got what we were looking for here. We're going to Hong Kong." I saw Ward pull handcuffs from his pocket and snatched them before he had a chance to turn.
"I've got this." He nodded and followed May out with Lydon, Fitz-Simmons grabbing whatever data and papers they could. I went to where Skye was sitting on the couch and she looked up at me with her big sad eyes, sending some sympathy rushing through me despite myself.
"Ash, I'm-"
"Only Fitz," I warned her, gesturing for her hands. She pushed the forward and I fumbled with putting the handcuffs on. "First time doing this." She rose once I was finished and I couldn't help but fix the button she had missed on her shirt. I wasn't going to let the poor girl embarrass herself even further. She smiled genuinely at me before allowing me to lead her out the door and into the waiting car.
On the way I made a decision watching the expression everyone had as she filed past them. I was never going to take this walk. I don't think I could bear it. I couldn't bear the thought of them all finding out like they had here- of the shock and confusion currently on display. I wanted it to be on my own terms and maybe then I would stand a better chance at explaining the situation.
So I needed to talk to Coulson immediately.
XXX
I checked in quickly on Fitz-Simmons before I made my way up that office for the second time. Ward was sulking in the background, having turned off the feed to the Interrogation Room we had Lydon and Skye locked up in. "Is it… is it zombie?" he asked her weirdly enough. It was a very strange sentence to start a conversation on.
"Zombie pigmen," Simmons responded, causing both of them to shudder. She then spotted me and smiled. "Ashleigh. Help us sort through this so we can find some sort of evidence on Miles."
"I will," I assured her, hoping I was telling the truth. "I just need to talk to Coulson about something important first." I started to back out of the doorway, knowing this might be the last time they would ever treat me like this- like their friend.
"Hey, are you okay, Ash?" Fitz asked having spotted what must have been a sad expression on my face. "I know this whole thing with Skye is hard, but you've still got us." I gave him my best smile, the one I had given him when we first met.
"I'm just fine, Lee. Thank you." And with that I made my way up to the office door, dread nearly choking me as I forced myself to keep going. I wanted to run, but instead I knocked and poked my head in. He was seated in a chair staring at his television that was currently showing the Interrogation Room, deep in thought. Here we go.
"Coulson," I began, somber. "There's-there's something I need to talk to you about." I entered the room and stood before him, playing with the sleeve of my sweater.
"Crawford, we both missed Skye. And you admitted to having an inkling-"
"It's not about that," I cut him off before he managed to make me feel even worse about that. I had been so focused on this I hadn't taken the time to dwell on how Skye had slipped right past me. In a bold decision I went to stand in front of the television, needing his full attention.
I got a sigh for my efforts. "Crawford, can it possibly-"
Yes. I wanted to scream that. I wanted to shout yes and run from the room back to help Fitz-Simmons and return to normalcy. Keep everything exactly the same. It was the worst moment to be doing this to him. He was still reeling from Skye and I was going to add this. I might end up in that room with Skye and Miles. Or they might throw me off the Bus altogether- midflight.
But I put my courage to its sticking place and shook my head. "No. It can't, sir. It is of the utmost importance." He just stared at me before shutting the television off and nodding for me to have a seat across from him. I did, hands clenched in my lap. "I don't want you to find out like you did with Skye. I know it needs to come from me and it needs to come sooner rather than later. In fact, I'm sorry I've kept it this long from you." I was tearing up now despite myself, unable to look at him.
"Ashleigh, what are your trying to say?"
And the dam just broke. "I don't know if that's my name," I admitted, finally letting the words out and hearing my voice crack with emotion. "I don't know anything about who I am really." He was just staring at me, obviously confused. I knew there was only one way to do this. So I abruptly rose, rolled up my right sleeve and thrust my arm across the gap towards him. "I woke up in Fury's office a month ago with this," I explained as he examined it. And then he was schooling his features, showing no emotion. I was now someone he didn't fully trust just like that. "No memories. Just this. Two lines. Eight words. It's- it's all I had."
He was processing this as he gestured for me to sit back down. But he needed to know everything. I wasn't taking a chance on anything. "I only had my name, or at least what I thought was my name. You see, Fury couldn't find me anywhere. He still can't after taking my DNA twice. I somehow don't exist which sucks when you're wondering if you had a life before waking up in the Director of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s office."
"You're not an Agent," were the first words he said to me. And I desperately tried to find something in them to cling to, but of course there was nothing. "All the missions, the training…"
"It wasn't true," I finished. "Hill made it up so you'd put me on the team. Fury wanted me here just in case- I mean obviously I was really committed to being part of this if I got myself inked. And I had no training so I wasn't a threat to you. I was supposed to just keep my head down here, possibly remember something, and hopefully know what to do when the situation on my arm came up. But no, I've never flown a plane or saved a bunch of hostages. Those were all lies. I'm just me."
"Why are you telling me this?" he questioned, rising now. I could tell he was going this angle rather than the more obvious ones. It might mean some part of him hadn't given up on me just yet. "If Fury gave you orders to-"
"Fury did give me orders," I agreed, rising as well. "But I also gave myself orders when I did this. Orders that I think are higher than Fury because they come straight from me. And if I'm going to be a part of this team and save someone, well then I think you need to know the truth so I can do that. Lies are just going to lead to myself being in a situation I can't handle and someone being hurt. And I'm not about to let any of you get hurt because of me." I was a person before I was an Agent. Always had been despite my best efforts. So now it was time to be just that and listen to what I had to say rather than Fury.
I could tell he was struggling. It was too much for anyone really to just have thrown at them. So I decided to make it easier, approaching the desk. "Sir, I just told you everything. My past is a lie, but everything I have done since getting on this Bus… that was me. It was all me. You helped me realize that. And none of it was pretend or being coached. It was me being part of this team in the way I can- the way I think I can still be. I want to keep helping all of you, but I understand if you can't." I extended my hands forward, tattoo now in front of him once again. "And if that's the case, put me with Skye until we land. The just send me on my way. I'll figure something out. I won't blame you a single bit."
We just stared at each other, seconds seeming eternal as I waited for him to make the call. I would accept whatever decision he made I promised myself. I had done the best I could and didn't regret a single moment since I boarded this Bus. And I tried to show him that as my eyes stared into his, tears welling up in the corners as I tried to keep a brave smile on my face. He wasn't moving though, but I didn't quite know why yet. Was it hatred for the lies that had piled up and the moments we shared he now believed to be false? Or perhaps just a touch of understanding that I had done something huge by coming here?
And that was exactly how we were when May entered the room and immediately noticed that my sleeve was rolled up and exposed.
My hands just hanging there waiting for his decision.
XXX
Thank you to GiraffePanda 2, MulishaMaiden, and Sinistrous Delicious for their kind and fun reviews. Sorry this chapter took so long, but Best Buy lied about my laptop being fixed. So please take your anger out on your nearest Geek Squad member.
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