"Sitcom Royal Rumble II"
Rated T for mild language and violence
Summary: 50 superstars from sitcoms past and present battle for 1,000,000 on the line in an all-out battle royal! With old contestants returning alongside brand new faces ready to compete, and two rings to match the total carnage unleashed, who will fight to survive for total victory? A sequel to the first Sitcom Royal Rumble.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with World Wrestling Entertainment, Total Nonstop Action, or sitcoms associated with ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX, Disney, Nickelodeon or TBS. Anyway, I'd figured I'd do this for fun and amusement. So enjoy!
Chapter 2: The Rumble Has Begun
The place was the United Center in Chicago, Illinois. Around a crowd of 23,000 fans had attended this once in a lifetime event. Everyone from all shapes, sizes, kids, adults and even grandparents all awaited the fireworks that were about to sound off anytime soon, indicating the start of Sitcom Royal Rumble II. The signs were raised high for the camera to see, saying things like 'Full House Still Sucks' to 'Urkel 3:16' and from 'Have Mercy' to 'Please retire, Mike Seaver'. Growing restless as they were for perhaps an half hour...
*BOOM!*
The fireworks went off throughout the arena blasting nothing but white and red colors all over. The building lit up all over with white, red and black, which was quite fitting since they were the colors of local NBA team, the Chicago Bulls. The two dual rings were decked out with red, black ring ropes, white ring mat, a red apron and your usual black barricade, which prevented fans from getting over the barricade in the first place.
After the fireworks died off, the people once again cheered on their feet while the camera got a good look at them. And then, the camera transitioned over to the announce team sitting at ringside with smiles on their faces. Aside from the screaming fans, the camera got a good look at the announce team sitting next to ringside.
Michael Cole: Hello everyone, and welcome to the most anticipated event of all time, the 2nd annual Sitcom Royal Rumble! I'm Michael Cole, and with me as always is my broadcast partners, JBL and Jerry "The King" Lawler!
JBL: Yeah, if you think last year's Sitcom Royal Rumble was anything else, wait what we have in store for this year! We got old and new superstars competing for a chance to become a million dollars richer! And plus, we got two rings! Double the fun, double the pleasure!
Jerry "The King" Lawler: Imagine the lineup we got! We got returning favorites from Liv Rooney, Austin Moon, Al Bundy, Steve Urkel, Dr. Cliff Huxtable, The Fonz, Tyler James and some new ones like Charlie Kelly, Stan the Dog, Emma Ross, and more! I'll tell ya, this is definitely gonna be way better than the Super Bowl, heck, maybe even way better than the MLB All-Star Game!
Michael Cole: Well, you're in luck because the Rumble starts now! Let's go to Eden for the introduction!
The camera centered around ringside where current WWE ring annoucer Eden Stiles (Cody Rhodes's wife) stood. After the bell rang, Eden spoke to the fans, who were busy making cat-calls at her. After all, she was that attractive.
Eden: Ladies and gentleman, welcome to the 2nd annual Sitcom Royal Rumble!
The crowd managed to get extra loud, getting in a huge pop. They were anxious to get this match under way.
Eden: But before I explain the rules of the Royal Rumble, allow me to introduce to you the individual who will be singing our National Anthem...
But before he could announce who would be singing the national anthem, the crowd all booed, chanting 'No Roseanne' repeatedly. Apparently, they must've watched the opening from the original Sitcom Royal Rumble.
There was no way the crowd wanted to cut themselves again. Luckily for them, Eden had other plans.
The Fink: From The Simpsons... Ralph Wiggum!
Suddenly, Ralph Wiggum from The Simpsons started getting in the ring, wearing a tight black tuxedo. Everyone gave him a loud standing ovation, especially when he waved to the crowd. He definitely became a crowd favorite for sure, despite not having to be in the match herself (which would explain why he was a cartoon).
Michael Cole: Well, I gotta say, this is a nice change!
Jerry Lawler: I'll admit, it's better than Roseanne Arnold singing.
JBL: Oh, please! Roseanne's singing is way better than this small retard.
Jerry Lawler: *to JBL* He's not retarded, John!
JBL: Whatever! He still looks like one...
After the crowd died down, Ralph waved at the crowd again before approaching the microphone. With a deep breath, he managed to sing to the people.
Ralph Wiggum: *singing* A, B, C, D, E, F, G... How I wonder what you are! *off the mic* Thanks, everybody!
JBL: *shouting to Ralph* YOU SUCK, YOU STUPID FREAK!
Ralph Wiggum: *crying* WAAAAAAAAAAH!
Hearing this from JBL, Ralph ran out of the ring and went to the back in tears while people booed the hell out of his singing. Either that, or these fans were pissed off at JBL for having to trash Ralph's signing.
The kid was just trying his best, but unfortunately, JBL couldn't see it.
Jerry Lawler: *to JBL* What the hell was that for?!
JBL: That's wasn't even our national anthem!
Michael Cole: *to JBL* He was trying his best, JBL. There's no need to put him down regardless of the lyrics!
JBL: It's not my fault everyone hated it! They're so mad, they're this close to starting another fire in Chicago!
Jerry Lawler: *to JBL, angrily* You owe his family an apology.
JBL: *kicking back* Eh, let FOX network take care of that...
The fans were already raging that a kid like him didn't know what the National Anthem was. It's already like the country had gotten stupider by the minute.
Luckily, Eden stepped in to save the day as she explained the rules for the Rumble.
Eden: *to everyone* Next time, we're skipping the frickin' anthem. Anyway, let me explain the rules for the 2nd annual Sitcom Royal Rumble! Earlier, the first two participants who drew numbers 1 and 2 will begin the event. And every 1 minute thereafter, another entrant will enter by the number that they choose. Remember, in the Royal Rumble, it is every man, woman and especially animal for themselves. No friends, only foes. Elimination will occur when a wrestler is thrown over the top rope and both feet much touch the floor. The last man, woman or animal who is remaining in the Royal Rumble after all forty-nine have been eliminated will be crowned the winner of the Sitcom Royal Rumble and will be awarded one million dollars in cold hard cash!
The crowd yet again were finally on their feet, cheering for the million dollar prize itself. Better yet, the million dollars was held on top of the ring in a briefcase, similar in a Money In The Bank match. But it wasn't a Money In The Bank match. It was a Battle Royal filled with hungry and tenacious sitcom characters fighting for the big bucks themselves.
Jerry Lawler: I'm feeling ready for this! We're about to see who's number one!
JBL: I know what you're feeling! I can't wait either!
After the cheering died down, Eden started announcing the contestants
Eden: And now, let us introduce the man who has drawn number one...
The entire crowd all waited to see who number one was.
After waiting for a good few seconds, the theme song to the Cosby Show played on the titantron, resulting in a respective pop.
Entering in his signature running man sweater was the obstetrician himself, Dr. Cliff Huxtable. Suddenly, that pop turned to boos in a matter of seconds. It looks like the entire crowd still hadn't forgot about the hate this man got from the last Sitcom Royal Rumble (the only reason why is because the actor was a sex abuser). Yet he didn't mind what the crowd thought about him, as long as he wanted to win this thing.
He wasn't in a good mood by the way, claiming how he sneered all the way down the aisle.
Eden: From The Cosby Show, Dr. Cliff Huxtable!
Entrant #1: Dr. Cliff Huxtable (The Cosby Show)
Jerry Lawler: Oh man, I didn't expect this to happen!
JBL: You gotta be kidding me! Dr. Cliff Huxtable from The Cosby Show drew number 1? This is just a miscarriage of justice!
Michael Cole: Sorry JBL, but he's gotta stick with the number he's got! And once you got that number, there's no changing it back!
JBL: It's not fair! It's like racism here for sure!
After Dr. Cliff Huxtable entered the ring, he decided to show off to the fans by doing a little dance move. But unfortunately, it still wasn't winning the fans over, who were still booing the hell out of this man.
While Cliff flipped off the fans, he awaited entrant number 2.
Eden: And now, here is the man who drew number two.
Cliff wandered all over the ring for perhaps no reason.
Suddenly, the theme song to That 70's Show played to a huge pop, especially when the people around Chicago saw who came out.
He was decked out in a blue flannel t-shirt alongside his signature hair-fading bald head. The second entrant had came up with a white picket sign that said 'The Cosby Show' on the front, and the words 'ain't got s**t on That 70's Show' on the back. Cliff Huxtable certainly got that guy's attention for sure. As the middle-aged hardass walked down the aisle, Eden announced his name.
The Fink: From That 70's Show, Reeeeeeeeed "Foot In Your Ass" Foooooooorman!
Entrant #2: Red Forman (That 70s Show)
Jerry Lawler: Whoa! Look at this!
JBL: Now this is what I'm talking about! It's Red Forman, the same guy who eliminated his dumbass son last Royal Rumble!
Michael Cole: Red Forman definitely has a reputation of being one of the toughest TV fathers there ever is! With his attitude and Navy experience coming into play, he'll definitely be considered a favorite to go all the way.
JBL: This dream match is definitely gonna happen before my very eyes, that's for sure!
As Red entered the ring, he engaged in a standoff between himself and Cliff Huxtable.
The faceoff was definitely similar to what Urkel and Sheldon had when it came to the first two in the ring. Except two nerds fighting it out first, there was two middle-aged TV fathers fighting it out. Both were caring and nice when it came to their wives, but unlike them, one was nice and the other was angry. Red Forman was the pissed-off one while Dr. Cliff was the strict one. The fans were awaiting who would strike first in this match.
Somehow, the two men engaged in a verbal battle, making the staredown much closer.
Dr. Cliff Huxtable: *to Red* Time for me to cook you like a-pudding!
Red Forman: *to Cliff* Oh, yeah? Well, my foot's about to cook your ass like Jell-O!
Both Red and Cliff were urging to hit one another. They could feel it. They were urging to get that first punch in.
When it was said and done, everyone would find out as the bell rang.
Oooh, Red and Cliff as the first two in the Rumble? Sounds like a dream match I'd see for sure!
Who will we see next in this extravaganza? Which new faces will show up? And will I ever get those double chocolate brownies I was promised like last time? The fists start flying next chapter! Until next time, this is UltimateWarriorFan4Ever signing off for now!