"Sitcom Royal Rumble II"
Rated T for mild language and violence
Summary: 50 superstars from sitcoms past and present battle for 1,000,000 on the line in an all-out battle royal! With old contestants returning alongside brand new faces ready to compete, and two rings to match the total carnage unleashed, who will fight to survive for total victory? A sequel to the first Sitcom Royal Rumble.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with World Wrestling Entertainment, Total Nonstop Action, or sitcoms associated with ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX, Disney, Nickelodeon or TBS. Anyway, I'd figured I'd do this for fun and amusement. So enjoy!
Chapter 4: How The Bunk'd Became Punk'd
While the carnage continued, the Rumble timer ticked down to it's next entrant.
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!*
Entrant #6: Emma Ross (Jessie/BUNK'D)
As the buzzer sounded, a beautifully attractive 17-year old girl with blonde hair came out from the titantron to huge cheers.
Basically, her outfit had included hot pants, black boots, black knee-pads taped-gloves and a CM Punk Ice Cream Bar t-shirt for good measure. Her choice of apparel is what forced the fans in a complete frenzy, therefore liking her tribute to a certain Straight Edge superstar/hometown hero.
JBL: What the heck is this?
Jerry Lawler: *chuckling* I don't usually see this much often, but it's Emma Ross from Jessie and BUNK'D channeling CM Punk!
Michael Cole: And this crowd is loving it!
JBL: She's nuts! What's she gonna do, hit her opponents with bad fashion sense?!
Looking around at the sea of people, Emma went down on one knee and checked her imaginary watch.
Bringing that imaginary watch to her ear, Emma pulled off CM Punk's signature battle cry.
Emma Ross: *shouting* It's clobbering time!
And then, Emma took off on feet rushing to the ring.
As she got inside, Cliff Huxtable tried to swing at her, but Emma ducked and pulled off two palm strikes, a backhand and a hard roundhouse kick for good measure!
JBL: Whoa! I didn't expect that!
Michael Cole: Emma with a combo out of nowhere!
The kick got Cliff Huxtable stunned enough for Emma to whip him to the upper right corner.
Suddenly, Emma sprinted over to Cliff and hit a hard Shining Wizard through his face, followed by a running bulldog. At the same time while holding on Cliff's head, Charlie Kelly (who had his eyes raked by Red Forman) was hit by a clothesline by Emma, therefore hitting a clothesline/running bulldog combo on both men! So far, the momentum was now on Emma's side!
Jerry Lawler: Ah, she got both men at the same time!
JBL: Yeah, but honestly, I say CM Punk does it way better than Emma does.
Michael Cole: Yeah, well what do you call that?
Meanwhile, down at Ring #2, Red Forman was already in a pickle, having to be part of a 10-punch salute caused by Mike Seaver.
With every punch landing straight to his head, Red's entire cranium was getting more woozy at the moment. Once again, Mike Seaver showed off to his fangirls who cheered at him loudly. From the entire Chicago faithful however, they were getting bored at him.
Mike Seaver: *to the crowd* I got a brand new commandment... thou shall let me throw this buttwad out!
Unfortunately for Mike, he wouldn't get a chance to as Tim Taylor snuck up behind him and lifted Mike on his shoulders.
The Chicago crowd were begging to see Mike get eliminated, but Tim had other plans.
Michael Cole: Tim's got Mike in the electric chair!
Jerry Lawler: I hate to see what he's gonna do to that kid next.
With another man-grunt, Tim dropped the kid on his neck with a Stun Gun.
But that wasn't the end of it, the Tool Man than raised his leg and sent it straight to Mike's junk, making him cringe and cry in pain!
Jerry Lawler: *yelping* Yah! Oh, god!
Michael Cole: *cringing* OHHHH, MAAAN!
JBL: Well, Mike's definitely gonna have 'growing pains' for a while!
Jerry Lawler: *chuckling* No kidding!
Meanwhile, while Mike was slowly recovering from that nut-shot, Emma Ross tried his best to eliminate both Charlie Kelly and Cliff Huxtable from the Rumble by pushing both of them over the top rope.
Try as she could, Emma couldn't. The two guys combined weight took a toll on her, as she looked very light for her weight.
JBL: What in the hell was she thinking?
Michael Cole: At least give her an 'A' for effort.
JBL: I might as well give her an 'F' while I'm at it, because there's no frickin' way she's ever picking both of them up? Who does Emma think she is, Ryback?
As Emma was busy wrenching her back from that attempt, the Rumble clock started ticking down again. Which meant that entrant #7 was about to make his way imminently.
Jerry Lawler: Here comes lucky number seven! Who's it gonna be?
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!*
Entrant #7: Carl McMillan (Mike & Molly)
As the buzzer sounded, a skinny black Chicago policeman came out of the curtain to a good hometown pop.
Knowing that he was from Chicago (which was right here), he had homefield advantage. Everyone was familiar with this entrant because he was closely associated with his best friend/police partner, Mike Biggs. This time, he was going alone.
Jerry Lawler: Well, talk about homefield advantage! Look who's next!
Michael Cole: From Mike & Molly, it's one of the returnees from the last Sitcom Royal Rumble, Officer Carl McMillan!
JBL: I wonder what he's gonna do without his partner around to back him up?
While the people chanted Carl's name over and over again, Carl entered the ring and scouted the competition.
He saw Emma Ross clutching onto the ropes like a spider monkey while trying to prevent a 2-on-1 elimination between her and the team of Cliff and Charlie. On the other hand, he saw both Tim Taylor and Red Forman brawl it out in the second ring, while Mike Seaver was laying down in the ring holding his third leg in pain.
Seeing the thumbtack-covered table outside, Carl let out a huge smirk on his face.
JBL: What does he got planned?
Michael Cole: I don't know, but I wouldn't want to be the other contestants for sure!
With his idea in place, Carl managed to get Mike up to his feet.
And then, he set him up in a powerbomb position. With Mike up on his shoulders, the rest of the Chicago faithful all pointed to the thumbtack-covered table, making sure they wanted to see Mike Seaver get put through it. Luckily for them, Carl wanted to do just that.
Jerry Lawler: Oh boy, this is gonna be bad!
JBL: There's no way Carl's gonna do this!
Michael Cole: I can't watch!
With great strength, Carl launched Mike off his shoulders...
...
...
...
...and sent him crashing through the tacky table in a huge pop!
Jerry Lawler: *shrieking* OH MY-!
Michael Cole: Oh my lord!
JBL: *shouting* He killed him! Carl just killed Mike Seaver with a thumbtack table!
Jerry Lawler: Mike Seaver may be dead for sure!
1st Eliminated: Mike Seaver; Eliminated by: Carl McMillan; Duration: 4:18
The rest of the competitors all stopped to see Mike Seaver screaming in pain outside the ring. Just the feeling of those little thumbtacks piercing the skin, made little ounces of blood drop all over the back of his arms and shoulders.
The Chicago faithful all chanted 'holy s**t' all over again from this moment. In a matter of minutes, Mike Seaver went from teenage romeo to human pin-cushion in a matter of seconds.
Michael Cole: We may need some medical help for this guy.
Jerry Lawler: Heck, maybe a morgue if there's one in place!
While a medical team went down the aisle to tend to Mike, Emma Ross capitalized on the distraction by roundhouse kicking Cliff Huxtable in the back of his head, knocking him out for the time being!
JBL: Oh man, what a kick by Emma!
Michael Cole: That's gotta hurt for Cliff!
But Emma wasn't done here. She then capitalized more by dropkicking Charlie Kelly right by the knee.
With him down on one knee, Emma rushed to the ropes and back again, dropkicking Charlie right in the face!
Jerry Lawler: Emma is cleaning house here!
Michael Cole: The distraction from outside the ring definitely worked for her.
JBL: Talk about a total sneak.
While Emma was busy building her momentum back, Tim Taylor was still at ring #2, trying to push Red over the top rope and onto the apron.
Like Emma, Red also showed excellent grip strength, clutching onto the ropes tightly as he could. Yet, Tim still wasn't giving up on getting Red out the match.
Tim Taylor: *as he's pushing Red* Oh dear, did... did you eat Al's mother for lunch?
Red Forman: *as he's hanging on* The only thing... you're gonna be eating... is your own ass, Tool man!
Jerry Lawler: Look at Tim huffing and puffing as he can!
JBL: Well, he definitely ain't no big bad wolf, that's for sure!
Suddenly, Tim Taylor got an extra hand coming from Carl McMillan, making this a 2-on-1 elimination process.
While Red was hanging on dear life, the Rumble clock lit up yet again, bringing in the 8th entrant so far.
Michael Cole: We're about to bring in number 8? Who will be next?
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!*
Entrant #8: Shelby Marcus (Best Friends Whenever)
As the buzzer sounded off again, a blonde-haired female teen dressed in a gray shirt, green jacket and denim jeans made her way down the aisle. For a newcomer, she definitely got a lukewarm reception from this Chicago crowd.
While making her way down the aisle, she managed to get a fist bump from her three friends at ringside, Cyd, Barry and Naldo.
JBL: Okaaaaay, I have no idea who this is.
Michael Cole: Honestly, if you've been watching Disney Channel recently, that's Shelby Marcus from the new show Best Friends Whenever!
Jerry Lawler: *to JBL* You really gotta watch that show. It's not bad.
JBL: Eh, I'm a Hannah Montana man myself.
As Shelby got inside the ring, she saw Carl and Tim try desperately to push Red out of the Rumble at ring #2.
Trying to make things even, Shelby snuck up behind Carl and tossed him around with a German suplex!
Michael Cole: What a suplex by Shelby!
Jerry Lawler: I never thought a girl like that had such strength before!
JBL: Well, like it or not, you saw it!
That suplex rattled Carl's brain a bit.
Not finished with him yet, Shelby got Carl up again, but this time, she hit him with a dragon suplex!
JBL: Another suplex!
Jerry Lawler: Don't tell me Shelby's not gonna take Carl to Suplex City already!
JBL: I'm impressed! She's been watching a lot of Brock Lesnar matches!
Once again, Shelby was not done with Carl.
As the policeman got up for the third time, Shelby grabbed him again and hit a tiger suplex. But at the very same time that she hit it, Red Forman managed to recover and nail Carl with a superkick, making it into a superplex/tiger suplex combination for sure!
Michael Cole: Hello, combo city!
JBL: I think Carl's jaw just got shot up through the roof!
Jerry Lawler: No kidding! That mouth definitely needs restitching!
Back at Ring #1, Emma Ross was busy trying to fight off the handicapped onslaught by both Charlie Kelly and Cliff Huxtable.
But out of nowhere, two fat twin tweenagers with pale skin and auburn hair came out from the entrance way and into the ring, where they started beating down on both Emma, Charlie and Cliff. The camera got a good look at them, and identified themselves as Chet and Bret from Best Friends Whenever.
JBL: Hey, what the hell are these two brats doing here? They're not in the Rumble match!
Michael Cole: Apparently, that's Chet and Bret, Shelby and Cyd's identical twin brothers from Best Friends Whenever!
Jerry Lawler: *feeling puzzled* I can't tell which one's which!
Michael Cole: One of them must be the ladies' man, I guess.
JBL: Which one, the fat one beating up on Emma or the fat one beating up Charlie and Cliff?
Unfortunately for the twins, their beatdown didn't last long as Emma, Charlie and Cliff started fighting back. Emma started throwing hard rights at Chet's stomach, followed by a rake of the eyes and an old-fashioned toss-out out of the ring.
Bret of course, got unlucky himself as Charlie raised him up and racked Bret between the legs on the ropes. And then, it was followed by Cliff, who managed to punch Bret in the face, sending him down to the floor. However, even though they were thrown out of the ring, they were not participants in this match. So they had to leave for the time being.
JBL: It's about time! Get those crappy ginger snaps out!
Jerry Lawler: *rumbling* Why am I feeling hungry all of a sudden?
Chet: *to Bret* I told you we've should've took chairs, Bret!
Bret: *to Chet* Don't tell me what to do, Chet!
After the twins left high and dry, the Rumble clock started to light up on the titantron.
That of course, meant that another entrant was making his way in the count of 10.
Michael Cole: We've got number nine coming up now! Who's it gonna be?
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!*
Entrant #9. Peter Brady (The Brady Bunch)
As the buzzer sounded, a kid with shaggy brown hair came out to a negative response from the crowd. The entire Chicago crowd was drowned out with "Bradys Suck" chants.
But despite the boos that were given to him, the 9th entrant took the time to high-five his way down the aisle.
JBL: Hey, talk about a blast from the past!
Michael Cole: For those of you not young enough to remember, this is Peter Brady from the 70's sitcom The Brady Bunch!
Jerry Lawler: Yeah, but it looks like these fans aren't too Brady friendly!
JBL: This is so disrespectful! These people should respect a legend like him!
However, Peter Brady didn't enter the ring. Instead, he took his time by going through all four corners and high-fiving more fans.
He was too blind to even see the middle fingers that was thrown at him, but that didn't effect Peter one bit. Instead, it motivated him.
Jerry Lawler: Peter seems to think the fans actually like him.
JBL: If they'd really like him, they cheer him instead of frickin' boo him!
After he was finished high-fiving the fans, Peter finally got in the ring...
...
...
...only to be grabbed from the back by Charlie Kelly, and thrown over the top rope and onto the floor immediately, eliminating him to a bunch of cheers!
JBL: Wha- what the hell?!
Jerry Lawler: *chuckling* Well, bye bye Brady!
Michael Cole: That didn't last very long!
JBL: *angrily* This is ridiculous! So unfair!
2nd Eliminated: Peter Brady; Eliminated by: Charlie Kelly; Duration: 0:02
Peter Brady was shocked that he was eliminated very early. Luckily for him, he didn't break the record for being the least-lasting superstar so far (Howard Wolowitz currently holds the record for shortest time in 0:01.8 seconds).
Despite being a little disappointed, Peter decided to take his defeat in stride, only for Charlie to taunt at him from ringside.
Peter Brady: *complaining* Ah, porkchops and applesauce!
Charlie Kelly: *to Peter* 'Porkchops and applesauce' that, you little f**k!
Michael Cole: Charlie telling it like it is to Peter.
After Peter's departure from ringside, both Red Forman and Shelby Marcus were busy double teaming the hell out of Tim Taylor. They were planning to slam the Tool Man with a double suplex.
Tim did his best to prevent being slammed by trapping his leg around Red's, but Shelby managed to hit Tim right in the ribs, just to make him stop fighting back.
Jerry Lawler: Look at this team-up!
JBL: Never imagined a hardass and a teenage time-traveler teaming up here!
Michael Cole: Bizarre as they are, team-ups can happen!
Getting Tim roughed up, Red and Shelby lifted Tim off the ground...
...
...
...only for Emma Ross to catch Tim on the way down. As both Shelby and Red turned around, Emma and Tim connected with both twin super kicks!
Jerry Lawler: *cringing* YOUCH!
Michael Cole: Double kicks by both Emma or Tim!
JBL: I don't know what's surprising me more, Emma and Tim teaming up, or the fact that Tim Taylor just pulled off a frickin' superkick!
With both Shelby and Red feeling the effects of that move, Carl McMillan managed to make a quick recovery and went to Ring #1, connecting Cliff Huxtable with an airplane spin.
With Cliff on his shoulders, Carl started spinning around a good portion of the ring. Through every rotation, Cliff's face started turning a little green, indicating sickness. Everyone around Chicago started counting every revolution that Carl had performed on Cliff. So far, Carl had spun Cliff around at a good 13 times.
JBL: Whoa, I think Cliff's gonna be sick!
Jerry Lawler: Carl's like a top spinning around everywhere!
JBL: Cliff should get a barfbag for sure.
But before Carl could spin Cliff around for a 14th time though, Charlie Kelly came out of nowhere and gored Carl, knocking both the policeman and Cliff down!
Despite Charlie striking one of Chicago's own, he got a huge pop from that spear. That also brought in a huge 'holy s**t' chant for good measure.
Michael Cole: Spear! Right to Carl!
JBL: Charlie nearly tore Carl in half!
Jerry Lawler: That could've looked like something from Mortal Kombat!
JBL: Yeah. Talk about a fatality.
While Carl remained incapacitated from that Spear, the entire Chicago crowd all looked through the titantron where the Rumble clock lit up.
They were up on their feet, awaiting the 10th entrant of the match to appear.
Jerry Lawler: Number 10's coming up! Who will it be?
To be continued next chapter...
Number 10's definitely gonna be something else. Until then, let's see what stats we have!
Eliminated: Mike Seaver, Peter Brady
Still in the ring: Carl McMillan, Charlie Kelly, Cliff Huxtable, Emma Ross, Red Forman, Shelby Marcus and Tim Taylor
Entrants in the ring: 7
Entrants still left to go: 41
Which lucky guy/girl has drawn number 10? Do I really have to give you the answer? I would tell you, but you'll just have to find out until next chapter! OPA!
And one more thing:
In Memory
Rowdy "Roddy" Piper
April 17, 1954 - July 31, 2015