"Sitcom Royal Rumble II"
Rated T for mild language and violence
Summary: 50 superstars from sitcoms past and present battle for 1,000,000 on the line in an all-out battle royal! With old contestants returning alongside brand new faces ready to compete, and two rings to match the total carnage unleashed, who will fight to survive for total victory? A sequel to the first Sitcom Royal Rumble.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with World Wrestling Entertainment, Total Nonstop Action, or sitcoms associated with ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX, Disney, Nickelodeon or TBS. Anyway, I'd figured I'd do this for fun and amusement. So enjoy!
Chapter 5: Dummies Are Dummies
The chaos in the ring had continued until the 10th entrant made his/her way.
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!*
Entrant #10: Robbie Shapiro (Victorious)
As the buzzer sounded, a teenager (who looked just like Andy Samberg) with glasses came out of the curtain to a lukewarm ovation.
But he wasn't alone. In his hand was a puppet, who just happened to be his best friend/confidant Rex.
JBL: Hey, I didn't know one of the members of Saturday Night Live was competing on there!
Michael Cole: *to JBL* Um, that's not Andy Samberg, that's Robbie Shapiro from the Nickelodeon show Victorious.
Jerry Lawler: And his buddy Rex is with him, too!
JBL: Huh, I figured he looked a lot like Andy.
Meanwhile, as Robbie tried to get in the ring, Rex suddenly held on to the ropes (which was weird because he was a puppet and he didn't move his arms).
Noticing this, Robbie turned to his friend!
Robbie Shapiro: *to Rex* No no, Rex, it's just me competing! You stay outside!
Rex: *to Robbie* No Robbie, I want to show everyone by beasty-feasty mode!
Robbie Shapiro: *to Rex* You can save that for another time! At least sit in the corner until I win!
JBL: *looking puzzled* Ummmm, is that guy talking to his puppet? That's weird.
Jerry Lawler: Maybe, but he never leaves home without him!
After Robbie put Rex down in the turnbuckle, he turned around only to see Charlie Kelly nail the geek with a Codebreaker!
And while Robbie was stumbling over the ropes, Charlie rushed right at him and clotheslined Robbie over the top rope and onto the floor!
JBL: Well, looks like the dummy's out!
Michael Cole: Barely any experience from Robbie there!
Jerry Lawler: Talk about getting your strings cut!
3rd Eliminated: Robbie Shapiro; Eliminated by: Charlie Kelly; Duration: 0:12
While Robbie was laid out on the floor, Charlie came up to the dummy itself.
He hated how Rex was staring at him with those big eyes and slackered jaw. And that haircut was so godawful, it looked like an afro got stuck in a tornado. So he decided to do what he should have done in the first place.
Jerry Lawler: Uh-oh, Rex better get out of here!
JBL: *to King* Why? For a puppet, he cant even move his legs!
It was too late for Rex to get away. Charlie harshly grabbed him by his leg and held him upside down.
As an insult to injury, Charlie stared down at Rex and decided to taunt him.
Charlie Kelly: *to Robbie* Say goodbye to your ugly wooden friend, ya p***k!
With the force of an atom bomb, Charlie threw Rex out of the ring, and smashed him onto the floor in pieces!
Robbie had shuddered in horror, seeing his best friend/puppet in separate pieces. What's worse, Rex had become headless (he's a puppet, just so everyone knows)!
Jerry Lawler: Uh-oh, looks like Rex has been eliminated as well!
Michael Cole: Not in a very good way, though!
Suddenly, Robbie started moving by his knees and cradled what was last of Rex.
As tears started forming around his face, he grieved for his fallen friend!
Robbie Shapiro: *shouting* WHHHHHHHHY! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TAKE HIM LIKE THIS? ALL HE WANTED IN LIFE WAS TO BE A FOX NEWS CORRESPONDENT! WHHHHHY?
JBL: *shouting to Robbie* Hey, quit your whining, you big baby! There's no crying in WWE!
Jerry Lawler: *to JBL* Easy, JBL! You didn't have to go hard on him!
JBL: Hey, it's not my fault that dummy should've never got in the ring in the first place!
Michael Cole: It was Rex's idea to get in the ring in the first place!
JBL: *to Cole* I was talking about Robbie! Get your mind straight, you salmon!
Still in tears, Robbie decided to pick up what was left of his friend and head straight back up the aisle.
The camera even managed to get a good shot at his crying face and his fallen, broken friend. Discovering that he was being filmed, Robbie decided to cover himself.
Robbie Shapiro: *crying to the camera* Go away! Give us some privacy, will ya!
JBL: Wow. Someone needs his binky.
Robbie's little outburst definitely took a lot of time in the Rumble match to begin with.
So far, Tim Taylor and Red Forman were going after Cliff, and Carl McMillan was trying to withstand a two-on-one onslaught against Emma Ross and Shelby Marcus. While that was going on, the clock down at the titantron lit up again, bringing in the 11th entrant.
Jerry Lawler: Number 11's coming up! I can't wait for this!
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!*
Entrant #11: Larry Appleton (Perfect Strangers)
As the buzzer sounded for the 11th time, a man with a short frizzy afro and decked out in a formal suit made his way to a brilliant pop.
Which would sound surprising since he resides here in Chicago, Illinois. Being appreciated by this hometown ovation, he scurried down the aisle!
JBL: Hey hey, I'm familiar with this guy!
Michael Cole: Straight off from Perfect Strangers, it's Larry Appleton!
Jerry Lawler: I'm surprised many people today still know who he is!
While the Chicago faithful were busy chanting out Larry's name over and over again, he entered the ring to see Carl fight off two blondes.
Larry decided to make that even as he rushed right over to Carl's side and delivered a double dropkick to Emma, followed by another double dropkick to Shelby.
Jerry Lawler: Look at this teamwork here!
Michael Cole: Two of Chicago's finest taking it to Emma and Shelby!
With adrenaline pumping through his veins, Carl then whipped Larry over to Shelby with a Stinger Splash. After that, Larry whipped Shelby over to Carl, who connected with a Black Hole Slam!
JBL: Whoa, what a sidewalk slam!
Jerry Lawler: I think that was enough to toss Shelby's cookies there!
The people were still on their feet for the duo.
Both Carl and Larry turned their attention to Emma, who ended up being body slammed by Carl. After the body slam, Larry decided to go up top rope at the same time Carl spreaded Emma's legs. What would happen next would not be very pretty for sure.
Michael Cole: Oh no...
Jerry Lawler: *chuckling* Please tell me they're not gonna Whazzup!
JBL: I hope Emma packed a tampon for this, because this isn't gonna end good!
As Emma tried to break free, Carl looked up at Larry as they exchanged 'Whazzup' at each other.
Then, Larry launched himself off the top rope and headbutted Emma right between the legs! Everyone in Chicago all cringed in pain as Emma held onto his groin in excruciating fashion. She even wobbled around a good portion of the ring, hissing and screaming painfully like a pregnant woman!
Michael Cole: Dear lord, that hurts!
Jerry Lawler: *chuckling* Poor Emma!
JBL: Oh screw that, she's gonna need thousand tampons for that impact!
Meanwhile, down at Ring #2, Cliff Huxtable and Charlie Kelly both had Red Forman down in a double flapjack, while Tim Taylor foolishly got stuck in the ropes.
With Charlie standing around Red's head and Cliff around Red's legs, they had in idea in mind.
Michael Cole: What do they have in mind?
JBL: I definitely don't wanna find out for sure.
As a smirk lit up his face, Charlie sat on Red's lower back and nailed a perfect Camel Clutch, while Cliff connected with a Boston Crab, making it into a double submission move. Although submissions don't count in the Rumble, the excruciating pain was definitely enough for Red's back to stiffen, which would prove effective for Red to be thrown over the top rope and onto the floor.
Red tried to escape on his own, but the combined weight of Charlie and Cliff was too much for him. He often hoped that his son or one of his dumbass friends that Red likes to call them would help him out. Otherwise, it wasn't happening.
Jerry Lawler: What a combo!
JBL: That's enough to make Red's back crack like a walnut!
Jerry Lawler: Considering how old Red Forman is, I think his back's already been cracked!
As Red got caught in a total mosh, the Rumble clock once again appeared.
The faithful Chicago fans all rose up to see which entrant was about to come out at a count of 10.
Michael Cole: Number 12's coming up! Who's it gonna be?
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!*
Entrant #12: Victoria Flynn (Mike & Molly)
With the buzzer sounding, an attractive brunette dressed in a sleek red long-sleeved dress came out to cat-calls and hollers from Chicago's male demographic. Knowing that she was also from Chicago, she got a good stellar ovation.
Apparently, the next entrant had shown a lot of cleavage from her stacked chest and around her legs, which definitely got men's hearts inside the arena going. She wanted to prove that her curves could definitely be a factor in this match!
Jerry Lawler: Oh man, it's about time we saw puppies!
Michael Cole: Talk about surprises! Drawing number 12 is Victoria Flynn from CBS's Mike & Molly!
JBL: With Carl in the ring as well, who knows what's gonna happen between the two!
Seeing Carl in the ring, Victoria decided to get his attention by shouting at him!
Victoria Flynn: *shouting to Carl* HEY CARL, LOOK AT ME!
Carl McMillan: *to Victoria* Victoria, what are you doing here?!
Victoria Flynn: *to Carl, excited* I'm in the Royal Rumble! I get to fight in an actual ring!
Carl McMillan: *to Victoria, horrified* Are you on dope all of a sudden?! You're gonna get yourself killed!
Michael Cole: I think Carl's not too excited to see Victoria!
Jerry Lawler: It's like he doesn't want her to get hurt!
Unfortunately, Victoria's distraction to Carl proved to be a mistake.
That forced Shelby Marcus to capitalize by hitting Carl from behind with a Dragon Suplex!
JBL: Oh, another suplex by Shelby! And it's all thanks to Victoria!
Jerry Lawler: Yeah, although I'm not sure Victoria liked that!
Seeing her hubby being eye-raked by a teenage blonde, Victoria took that as an insult and went into bitch mode.
Victoria Flynn: *angrily* That's it! No one lays their hand on my man except me!
With the rage of a cheetah, Victoria immediately hit the ring.
Looking at Shelby like a delicious target, Victoria speared her into the floor and started yanking her hair. And so did Shelby, which caused one ferocious catfight to go down! That definitely got the crowd pumping, chanting 'Yes' all over again in favor of this catfight.
Jerry Lawler: Oh, it's definitely going down in Chi-Town!
JBL: I like it! Two cats fighting each other! It's like a Nat Geo special!
Michael Cole: This is definitely turning to be a ferocious Rumble.
However, Shelby had the momentum, banging Victoria's head through the mat repeatedly. One by one, Shelby dribbled her like a basketball, not to mention messing up a part of her hair along the way.
Luckily, it wasn't for long as Victoria scratched Shelby's face hard, blinding her for the moment. With Shelby trying to restore her eyesight, Victoria capitalized on the occasion by putting Shelby's jacket over the blonde's head, throwing her over the top rope and onto the floor in elimination!
Michael Cole: And Shelby's is gone!
Jerry Lawler: She may be able to travel time, but unfortunately, her time's up!
4th Elimination: Shelby Marcus; Eliminated by: Victoria Flynn; Duration: 4:40
Shelby got back up, looking disappointed that she was eliminated fairly early in the match, despite making an impression when she got in. She would have time traveled back in the past to redo her time in the Rumble, but unfortunately, powers were not allowed in the Rumble so she was gone permanently.
After Shelby's departure, both Tim Taylor and Larry Appleton spent their time stuffing their feet in Charlie's mouth at the left corner while Red took his sweet time recovering from that painful double submission move. Emma on the other hand, was in big trouble as she held on the ropes while preventing to get eliminated by Cliff Huxtable. While that was going on, the Rumble clock at the titantron lit up again, bringing in lucky number 13 for this match.
Jerry Lawler: Here comes lucky number 13!
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!*
Entrant #13: Alex P. Keaton (Family Ties)
As the buzzer sounded, a man dressed up in dark blue formal wear, blue tie and sneakers ran his way down the aisle to a lukewarm response from this crowd.
Like Mike Seaver, he also had fangirls of his own, which held up signs that read 'APK 4-EVER" and "MARRY ME ALEX' in big bold lettering. He looked so much like Marty McFly from Back To The Future, instead that he wasn't Marty McFly.
Jerry Lawler: All right, what an entry this is!
Michael Cole: Straight off from the NBC sitcom Family Ties, here comes Alex P. Keaton!
JBL: Look at that outfit! He definitely knows how to dress sharp!
As Alex got in there, he looked around for good competition to fight. Suddenly, he found Emma trapped in the ropes, hoping not to get thrown out by Cliff Huxtable. Being the notable gentleman that he was, Alex decided to do the right thing.
So he snuck up behind Cliff and sent him over the top rope and onto the floor in a huge pop (only because the people hated Cliff Huxtable).
Jerry Lawler: *shouting* WHOA! CLIFF'S OUT!
Michael Cole: Cliff Huxtable's been eliminated! I repeat, Cliff Huxtable is eliminated!
JBL: You mean to tell me that skinny toothpick eliminated the entrant who drew #50 last year is out?!
Jerry Lawler: Believe it or not, he's out!
5th Eliminated: Cliff Huxtable; Eliminated by: Alex P. Keaton; Duration: 11:08
Cliff Huxtable was outraged of his early departure.
So much in fact, that he tried to get back in the ring, just to get his hands all over Alex P. Keaton. Unfortunately for him, the ring officials took note of this and prevented Cliff from re-entering the match. Seeing this, the fans all chanted 'Keep him out' directed to Cliff himself.
Jerry Lawler: What a sore loser that guy is!
JBL: Can you blame him? That toothpick took him out!
Michael Cole: I can say the fans are excited to see him go!
JBL: *to Cole* Oh, you think you're all talk, aren't ya, Cole?
As the referees instructed Cliff to leave, the two chubby redheads, Chet and Bret, made their way down the aisle and got in the ring, hoping to weasel their way back in the match!
Jerry Lawler: Bye bye, Clif- Hey, wait a minute!
JBL: What are these two fat kids doing out there again? They're not in the match!
Michael Cole: They just don't get the point.
Unfortunately, unlike their first encounter, they didn't get lucky as ever.
As they got in there, Alex P. Keaton, Tim Taylor, and Carl McMillan immediately started ganging up on Chet while Charlie Kelly and Larry Appleton ended up pounding away at Bret.
JBL: Yeah, that's right. Get rid of them like cockroaches!
Jerry Lawler: Hopefully, they'll get the point sooner or later!
The results were the same, yet different. Red, Tim and Carl had immediately got rid of Chet while Bret had the worst fate of them all.
Both Charlie and Larry threw Bret over the top rope, only for the chubby redhead's face to hit the ground floor. The people immediately cringed when they saw Bret take the painful impact!
Jerry Lawler: Oh, geez!
Michael Cole: That can't be good!
JBL: I think a dentist is in order!
As Bret followed his twin brother Chet up the aisle with a slackered jaw, Victoria and Emma started brawling out at Ring #2.
Victoria definitely had the upper hand as she powerbombed Emma through the upper right turnbuckle.
Michael Cole: Ooh, a powerbomb to the turnbuckle.
JBL: I think Victoria's about to go Seth Rollins on Emma's face!
Channeling her inner Seth Rollins, Victoria ran towards the ropes and back again, hoping to nail Emma with a curb stomp.
But as she leaped, Emma ended up catching Victoria on his shoulders, which forced the crowd to leap up to their feet!
Jerry Lawler: *shouting* WHOA!
Michael Cole: *in shock* Are you kidding me!?
JBL: What a counter by Emma Ross!
Victoria tried to shake loose from Emma's grip, but couldn't.
With a vicious smile on her face, Emma dropped her face right on her knee with a Go To Sleep!
Michael Cole: GTS! Emma hit her with the GTS!
Jerry Lawler: I think those precious whites may be knocked out!
JBL: That may be the most insane GTS I've ever seen in my life!
Jerry Lawler: I'll say! Victoria's mouth may need a lot of restitching for sure!
As the crowd started chanting Emma's name for that insane move, the crowd all turned to the entrance way.
It was clear that the 14th entrant was soon making his way any minute. Whoever it was, he/she didn't want no part of that sick GTS that Emma just put on Victoria moments ago.
JBL: Number 14's on his way! I can't wait to see who it is!
To be continued next chapter...
Number 14 will make his/her way next chapter, folks. So just to keep you all occupied, here are the stats!
Eliminated: Mike Seaver, Peter Brady, Robbie Shapiro, Shelby Marcus and Cliff Huxtable
Still in the ring: Alex P. Keaton, Carl McMillan, Charlie Kelly, Emma Ross, Larry Appleton, Red Forman, Tim Taylor and Victoria Flynn
Entrants in the ring: 8
Entrants still left to go: 37
Will Red ever recover from the pain he's suffering!
Will Victoria keep getting hurt without having Carl to help her?
Will Chet and Bret ever stay away from the Rumble this time!
Will someone get drunk later in the Rumble (not that I know of)?
Next chapter will be coming soon, so stay tuned! BUTTS!