"Sitcom Royal Rumble II"
Rated T for mild language and violence
Summary: 50 superstars from sitcoms past and present battle for 1,000,000 on the line in an all-out battle royal! With old contestants returning alongside brand new faces ready to compete, and two rings to match the total carnage unleashed, who will fight to survive for total victory? A sequel to the first Sitcom Royal Rumble.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with World Wrestling Entertainment, Total Nonstop Action, or sitcoms associated with ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX, Disney, Nickelodeon or TBS. Anyway, I'd figured I'd do this for fun and amusement. So enjoy!
Chapter 6: Boy Meets Rumble
The chaos kept on going as the 14th entrant made his way.
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!*
Entrant #14: Norm Peterson (Cheers)
As the buzzer sounded, a fat man dressed in a light brown formal suit and frizzy hair walked down the aisle.
Apparently, he was fed with a huge round of boos. It was clear that the people who attended his event remembered the damage that Norm had done in the last Sitcom Royal Rumble (mostly because of his brutal attack on Ray Barone).
Jerry Lawler: Uh-oh, look who's coming down!
Michael Cole: Here's comes another returnee from last year's Sitcom Royal Rumble, Norm Peterson from Cheers!
JBL: It's a good thing he's sober this time!
(FUN FACT: The Youtube channel, NewLegacyinc, would usually do these Royal Rumble Marathons in which any wrestlers who got number 14 would usually be fired or have bad luck. If you haven't seen them, I suggest you check them out. They are hilarious and they commentate on nothing but wrestling video games.)
As he got in the ring, he stared down at Carl, who was busy having a little punch-out with Alex P. Keaton.
Doing a little damage, Norm decided to grab Carl from behind and headbutt him in the back of his head!
Jerry Lawler: Ooooh, what a headbutt!
Michael Cole: That was almost like blunt force!
JBL: Believe me, one headbutt can hurt worse than that.
Not satisfied by one headbutt, Norm got in another headbutt, making Carl a victim of a huge headache later on.
And then, Carl threw him around a good portion of the ring like a rag doll.
Michael Cole: WHOA! Did you see that!
JBL: Wow, we're seeing a new Norm Peterson here!
Jerry Lawler: A sober Norm at best!
Knowing that he already knocked Carl unconscious, Norm decided to take the trash out.
Picking up one of Chicago's finest, Norm draped Carl over the top rope and onto the floor, picking in his first elimination!
Jerry Lawler: And Carl's out!
JBL: Norm Peterson is putting on a killing! And he just did that to Carl McMillan!
6th Eliminated: Carl McMillan; Eliminated by: Norm Peterson; Duration: 7:21
Already getting fed by the large boos from the angry Chicagoans, Norm decided to focus on a knocked out Victoria.
With Victoria still draped out by his knees, Norm picked her up in the Gorilla Press.
Jerry Lawler: Uh-oh, this isn't gonna be good for Victoria!
Michael Cole: This is gonna be a long way down!
Huffing and puffing, Norm used his strength to throw Victoria over the top rope and onto the floor, landing all over Carl! So far, it became the 2nd elimination for Norm.
JBL: See ya later, Victoria!
Michael Cole: Victoria couldn't recover fast enough from that GTS caused by Emma!
Jerry Lawler: It's a good thing Carl broke her fall!
7th Elimination: Victoria Flynn; Eliminated by: Norm Peterson; Duration: 2:30
Norm continued this momentum of boos, in which the fat drunk flipped off every fan sitting on ringside.
Meanwhile at ring #2, Charlie Kelly ended up hitting Red Forman with a huge backbreaker. While the hardass was busy wrenching his back, the bar owner ended up going under the ring, only to search for something under the apron.
Jerry Lawler: Oh man, what's Charlie going for?
JBL: Is he gonna hide in the ring? *to King* I remember you doing something like that in the '96 Royal Rumble.
Jerry Lawler: Yeah, and that didn't do me good...
Truth be told, Charlie wasn't looking to hide under the ring. This was a battle he was looking to win, so Charlie decided to search for a weapon.
Apparently, there was so much weapons under there, that Charlie was having trouble deciding what he wanted.
Charlie Kelly: *to the camera* There's too much s**t under there, I'm telling ya.
Michael Cole: I definitely agree with Charlie there.
After only 10 seconds of searching, Charlie finally managed to pull out a steel ladder.
But as he was sliding it in the ring, Emma Ross came out of nowhere and dropkicked the ladder into Charlie, having his face knocked into the ledge!
Michael Cole: Oh, DEAR GOD!
Jerry Lawler: Charlie got it right in the face!
JBL: I only hope he didn't end like Joey Mercury!
Luckily for Charlie, he didn't up like Joey Mercury in Armageddon '06. But yet, it was huge nasty bump that Charlie took for sure.
So while he was recovering outside the ring, Larry Appleton was busy being choked out in the middle rope by Tim Taylor. While that was going on, the countdown clock lit up on the titantron, bringing in another entrant.
Jerry Lawler: Number 15's on his way now!
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!*
Entrant #15: Balki Bartokomous (Perfect Strangers)
With the buzzer sounding, a man with wavy hair and dressed in a black matador's outfit made his way down the ring.
Like Carl McMillan, Victoria Flynn, and Larry Appleton, he also got a huge pop from the crowd, concerning he resided from Chicago.
JBL: Whoa, looks like Larry's got some help!
Michael Cole: Once again, it's another returnee from the last Sitcom Royal Rumble, Balki Bartokomous from Perfect Strangers!
Jerry Lawler: The Man from Mypos is ready to go!
Balki Bartokomous: *to Larry* Don't worry, I'll save you Cousin Larry!
Running like heck, Balki got in the ring and ran the ropes back and forth, hoping to surprise the Tool Man with a flying body press.
Unfortunately for the foreigner, Tim caught Balki immediately.
JBL: Uh-oh, bad idea Balki!
Jerry Lawler: Regardless, he managed to give Larry time to recover!
While holding Balki around in his shoulders, Tim Taylor did one of his signature man grunts from his show.
But before he could throw Balki like garbage, Larry recovered long enough to clip Tim right in the knee, sending the tool man down.
Michael Cole: Whoa! Larry out of nowhere!
JBL: It looks like Larry saved Balki for the moment.
Just like what a friend would do, Larry helped Balki up to his feet.
Balki Bartokomous: *to Larry* You saved me, Larry! I am so grateful for you! We are so happy, we do the dance of joy!
JBL: Oh no, please tell me they're not really gonna do this!
Suddenly, the two men broke out in dance. It started out with a snap of the fingers, then they tied up while they were both shuffling their feet.
While still tied up, the two men started bouncing all around one a time while then looking to each other's shoulders. And then, they closed out the dance as Balki leaped Larry up off his feet, bridal style. Their dance suddenly got infectious with the crowd as they sung along with them the whole entire time. Their Dance of Joy suddenly gave the crowd a gigantic pop.
Jerry Lawler: Oh, the dance of joy! One of Balki's signatures!
Michael Cole: And this crowd is loving it!
JBL: Oh please, I rather stuff my face in acid than to watch Balki and Larry dance!
Jerry Lawler: *to JBL* I could arrange that for you!
Both Balki and Larry decided to eat up the crowd's ovation for their dance.
But as they soon turned around, they saw Alex P. Keaton fly through the air, hitting the twosome with a front dropkick.
JBL: Ha-ha, welcome to Air Keaton, Balki and Larry!
Jerry Lawler: Well, that definitely won't sit well with the hometown!
After hitting the front dropkick perfectly, Alex kipped up to his feet, which brought in a mixed reaction from the fans (only because they didn't like the way that Alex took out both Larry and Balki).
However, as he was hulking up, Red Forman snuck from behind and swung his foot straight to Alex P. Keaton's ass! The pain was excruciating for Alex, as he started running, hissing and holding his rear end in total pain. That impact nearly came close to hitting APK right in the rectum!
Michael Cole: Oh, a foot right in the ass!
Jerry Lawler: *chuckling* Look at Alex's face! Looks like he took a dump the size of Minnesota!
JBL: *chuckling* Alex P. Keaton may not ever poop again!
While Alex rubbed his butt on the mat (only to ease the pain), the Rumble clock lit up again. Apparently, another entrant was about to make his way immediately.
Michael Cole: We got sweet number 16 coming!
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!*
Entrant #16: Cory Matthews (Boy Meets World/Girl Meets World)
After the buzzer sounded, a man 30 years his age and dressed up in his usual teacher's outfit came out to a lukewarm applause.
Longtime Boy Meets World fans inside the United Center could recognize his face, the frizzy hair, and his goofy exterior. He actually started out as a kid from Philly but then grew up to be a teacher from New York.
Jerry Lawler: Oh, here's something you don't see every day!
Michael Cole: Originally from ABC's Boy Meets World, and now on Disney Channel's Girl Meets World, it's Cory Matthews!
JBL: I'll tell ya, puberty hit him hard like a brick.
As Cory got inside the ring, he started throwing dropkick over dropkick over everyone he saw.
First, it was Larry Appleton, then Balki Bartokomous, and then Red Forman. He was injected with a case of dropkick fever all of a sudden!
Jerry Lawler: Wow, Cory Matthews is on fire!
JBL: Sooner or later, it's all gonna burn out.
Still on fire, Cory Matthews tried to find the next person to attack next.
But he was caught by surprise by Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor, who blindsided him with a Backstabber!
JBL: See, told ya!
Michael Cole: That celebration definitely didn't last long.
Jerry Lawler: That Backstabber oughta make you stiff!
While Cory was wrenching his back in pain, Tim picked him up and attempted to throw him to the top rope for an elimination.
But suddenly, Cory decided to turn the tables by counter whipping the Tool Man over the ropes and down to the floor, getting The Tool Man eliminated!
Jerry Lawler: Oh, the tool man's gone!
JBL: Back to the woodshed for Tim Taylor!
8th Elimination: Tim Taylor; Eliminated by: Cory Matthews; Duration:
As Tim Taylor departed from ringside in defeat, Emma Ross had her hands full trying to fight off Norm Peterson.
However, it wasn't working wonders as Norm had Emma trapped with a full nelson. Emma was trying hard to escape as she could, but the weight and strength of one Mr. Norm Peterson was too much for her to handle. As seconds passed, her shoulders were starting to get sore and stiff, making her having a very less chance of escaping.
JBL: Norm's locking in that full nelson very tight!
Jerry Lawler: I don't like Emma's chances of winning this Rumble so far!
JBL: Nope! Find your blanket and pillow! It's night-night for Emma Ross!
All chances of fighting back of her were growing dim.
That was until Emma swung her foot right between Norm's legs! Finally letting her go, the crowd all cringed at the impact, which forced Norm to hold onto his small beerstands in pain.
Michael Cole: Well, that's one way to break out of the full nelson!
JBL: Yeah, you can say it was a cheap, easy way!
With Norm holding onto his groin, Emma found the chance to fight back.
In response, Emma hit Norm with a reverse STO, which was followed by Emma wrapping her leg around Norm's neck, locking in the Koji Clutch! As she pressed on that leg, Norm was quickly beginning to lose breath from the hold. The longer Emma had on the old, the faster Norm would end up passing out, which would be deadly for him to get eliminated in that fashion!
Michael Cole: Koji Clutch! Emma got Norm with the Koji Clutch!
Jerry Lawler: Having to pass out from that hold is like having to pass out after too many beers! Norm might get used to that!
JBL: Looks like Norm may be going to sleep instead!
But before Norm could pass out from the hold, Charlie Kelly (who was still reeling from the ladder shot) ran to the ropes and back again, hitting Emma in the face with a sliding dropkick!
Michael Cole: Charlie Kelly with a huge dropkick to Emma's face!
JBL: With a dropkick like that, Emma's face is getting this close to being a doormat!
As Emma started holding on to her face in pain, the Rumble clock came up again on the titantron.
Which meant that the people would soon be treated to the 17th entrant making his way right now.
Michael Cole: We're about to see entrant 17 here!
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!*
Entrant #17: Jefferson D'Arcy (Married... With Children)
With the buzzer sounding, a man with wavy medium brown hair, permanent white smile and decked in a "NO MA'AM" shirt made his way from the curtain. Like Carl, Victoria, Larry and Balki, he too also got a hometown pop from this Chicago crowd, knowing he resided in the Windy City in the first place.
He wasn't alone though as he brought a mirror with him to look at.
Jefferson D'Arcy: *looking at his mirror* Man, am I looking good under these city lights!
Jerry Lawler: Ah, here's another one of Chicago's finest!
Michael Cole: From Married... With Children, here comes the pretty-boy narcissist, Jefferson D'Arcy!
JBL: I'm thinking he's more concerned with how he looks other than getting in the ring!
While he was taking his time getting down to the ring, he got a good look at the mature, yet attractive women who were cheering for him at ringside. He actually liked the fan support he was getting prior to his entry.
But before he could make it to the ring, a buxom blonde shouted at him. Jefferson didn't know who her name was, but it didn't matter as he came up to her with a smile.
Jefferson D'Arcy: So, we're you whistling at me?
Buxom blonde: Yes, I was! Please sign my chest, Jefferson D'Arcy!
Jefferson D'Arcy: *smirking* Well, I think that's in order...
Taking out a pen from his pants, Jefferson twisted the cap open and marked his signature on the buxom blonde's white t-shirt.
After putting away his pen, Jefferson decided to give thanks.
Jefferson D'Arcy: *to the blonde* My advice to you: Never wash that shirt off.
Buxom blonde: Eeeeeee! I am soooo never washing this shirt!
JBL: What the hell is that egotistical goody-goody doing right now?
Jerry Lawler: I'm guessing he's pleasing his own fanbase here in Chicago.
JBL: He should just get in the ring and prove himself, not showoff! Who does this guy think he is, Dolph Ziggler?
Jefferson then managed to make it up the steps, but before he could actually get in the ring...
...
...
...he stopped to take a good look at himself to make sure his face stayed flawless. Who knows what kind of damage those competitors in the ring will do to his face?
Jefferson D'Arcy: *talking to himself in mirror* Oh, I hope they won't hurt you too much. My skin is too smooth to get roughed up.
However, Jefferson was stupid to know that there was a table set up by ringside (thanks to Tim Taylor).
It proved fatal to him as Alex P. Keaton rushed right after him, and dropkicked him in the back...
...
...
...which sent Jefferson crashing to the table!
Michael Cole: Jefferson went through the table! Jefferson went through the table!
Jerry Lawler: Oh man, that was horrible!
JBL: And that priss didn't even get in the ring! I think he might be eliminated already!
Michael Cole: *to JBL* Even though he didn't enter, I'm afraid to think you may be right!
Suddenly, a mixed reaction from this Chicago crowd broke out in favor of Alex P. Keaton's little sneak attack on Jefferson D'Arcy. Some of the Chicago faithful were crying foul that Jefferson didn't even get a chance to enter the ring yet. But it was all Jefferson's fault in the first place that his looks got in the way in the first place.
However, the time that Jefferson took his slow walk to the ring and sign a hot blonde's chest took valuable time in the Rumble, as it was enough for the countdown clock to lit up. With anticipation, everyone inside the United Center all turned to the titantron, awaiting number 18's entrance.
Jerry Lawler: Here comes Number 18 making his way! I can't wait for this!
To be continued next chapter...
Ooooh, I wonder who number 18 will be? Whoever it is, I can't wait! Anyway, stats time! Let's see what we got!
Eliminated: Mike Seaver, Peter Brady, Robbie Shapiro, Shelby Marcus, Cliff Huxtable, Carl McMillan, Victoria Flynn and Tim Taylor
Still in the ring: Alex P. Keaton, Balki Bartokomous, Charlie Kelly, Cory Matthews, Emma Ross, Jefferson D'Arcy, Larry Appleton, Norm Peterson and Red Forman.
Entrants in the ring: 9
Entrants still left to go: 33
Will Jefferson manage to recover in time to enter the Rumble?
Will we see another Dance of Joy from Balki and Larry?
Will Norm clean house yet again, just like he cleans out rounds of beer at Cheers?
Is there a huge chance of one of the contestants mooning in the Sitcom Royal Rumble?
Either way, find out next chapter! Until then, be smart, be safe, and don't try any of this at home! Unless if it's your drunk uncle.