"Sitcom Royal Rumble II"
Rated T for mild language and violence
Summary: 50 superstars from sitcoms past and present battle for 1,000,000 on the line in an all-out battle royal! With old contestants returning alongside brand new faces ready to compete, and two rings to match the total carnage unleashed, who will fight to survive for total victory? A sequel to the first Sitcom Royal Rumble.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with World Wrestling Entertainment, Total Nonstop Action, or sitcoms associated with ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX, Disney, Nickelodeon or TBS. Anyway, I'd figured I'd do this for fun and amusement. So enjoy!
Chapter 7: Crappy Days and Dog Days
With the chaos getting underway, number 18 was closing in on his next entrant.
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!*
Entrant #18: Nikki Ortiz (Dog With A Blog)
As the buzzer sounded, an attractive latin chick wearing a black sunflower dress along with a sweater vest and cowboy boots made his way down the aisle to perhaps a lukewarm ovation.
The crowd was instantly flooded with signs that read 'Nikki + Tyler 4-LIFE' and 'Tylikki 3:16'.
JBL: Okay, I'm not familiar who this is.
Michael Cole: Well, if you've been watching Dog With A Blog on the Disney Channel, this would be Tyler James's girlfriend from Seasons 1-2, Nikki.
Jerry Lawler: She's looking muy caliente here tonight!
JBL: Oh, so that's who that is? I thought it was some kind of teenage hooker someone picked up.
Instead of entering the ring like always, Nikki decided to enter the ring via top rope, staring right at Alex P. Keaton.
As Alex turned around, Nikki leaped up the air and hit a picture-perfect hurricanrana on the eldest Keaton son!
Jerry Lawler: Wow, what a hurricanrana!
JBL: Wow, who knew that hooker can fly?
Jerry Lawler: *to JBL* She's not a hooker, John!
Nikki's next target was Charlie Kelly. Gesturing at him to bring it on, Charlie tried to deck Nikki with a clothesline. Using her smarts, Nikki managed to duck in time and run straight to the ropes.
As she came back, she wrapped her legs around the bar-owner and started to spin around the air around 1440 degrees.
Michael Cole: Check this out!
JBL: Whoa, are you kidding me!?
Knowing that Charlie was getting dizzy, Nikki nicely obliged to get him off via headscissor takedown!
Jerry Lawler: Headscissor takedown!
JBL: I don't know why, but she's definitely reminding me of Lita!
After taking care of Charlie, Nikki tried to catch her breath...
...
...
...only for Cory Matthews to surprise her with a Zig Zag! But once again, she used her smarts and grabbed the ropes, making Cory fall instead.
Michael Cole: Cory went for the Zig Zag, but still nothing.
As Cory got back up to his feet, Nikki rushed in with great speed and hit a Rough Ryder on the teacher.
Cory ended up selling the move very well, doing a tiny little barrel roll for good measure!
Michael Cole: *surprised* My god!
Jerry Lawler: Nikki just frickin' obliterated him with that Rough Ryder!
JBL: For a hooker, she definitely knows how to show a lot of leg!
Jerry Lawler: *angrily, at JBL* She's not a hooker, John. Why do you- oh, forget it!
While Nikki was busy cleaning house in the ring, Jefferson D'Arcy was still outside the ring, still starting to come back up to his feet after that unfortunate table bump caused by Alex P. Keaton.
For comedic effect, Jefferson managed to pull out his mirror and checked to see if any facial damage was made at all. Luckily for him, his face was still okay, but his hair got messed up a little.
Jerry Lawler: Jefferson's getting back up there.
JBL: If I was him, I would just leave the Rumble already and never come back.
Michael Cole: Highly unlikely that he'll do that.
Unfortunately, bad luck struck again for Jefferson.
As he got off the apron, Emma Ross had whipped Norm Peterson onto him, which bumped Jefferson off the apron and down into the floor!
Jerry Lawler: Oh! Poor Jefferson!
JBL: Like I said, he can always walk out with his pretty face intact!
Michael Cole: If more bumps happen like that to him, he just might.
While Jefferson was slumped outside the ring yet again, the countdown clock lit up once again.
That of course, obviously meant that the 19th entrant was set to appear.
JBL: Here comes number 19, I can't wait!
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!*
Entrant #19: Richie Cunningham (Happy Days)
After the buzzer was heard, a teenager with red hair and a red sweater came down the ring to very good applause.
The fans (especially the ones that grew up in the 70's) all recognized that pale skin, tiny freckles and familiar smile. Mostly because he always hung out with the Fonz and Chachi.
JBL: Hey, Opie's in the Rumble! And he grew up!
Michael Cole: Um... that's actually Richie Cunningham from Happy Days.
JBL: Huh, no wonder he looked like Opie at first.
On his way down the aisle, Richie all gave his fans high-fives as a way to give him the energy he needed to be in the ring.
But as he entered the ring, Charlie Kelly came in and hit Richie with a big boot, nearly sending him over the top rope! Luckily, Richie managed to keep his balance, and stumbled back to the ring.
Jerry Lawler: Yeouch! That's gotta bite!
JBL: Opie was this close to getting out faster than he got in.
Michael Cole: *to JBL* John, it's Richie, not Opie.
JBL: *to Michael* Sorry, a little confusion there...
While Richie tried to keep his jaw closed, Larry and Balki were busy taking care of Red Forman down at Ring #2.
As much as the middle-aged red-head could valiantly fight back, it wasn't enough as both Larry and Balki took Red down with a double suplex!
Michael Cole: What a double suplex on Red Forman!
Jerry Lawler: His back is definitely killing him for someone his age!
With Red down, Larry had an idea.
So as he began ascending to the top rope, Balki picked Red back up and lifted him up by his shoulders.
The crowd saw this and immediately rose up to their feet in a huge pop. They even brought out an 'LOD' chant in reminiscence of one of the greatest tag teams of all time, Hawk and Animal of the Legion of Doom. They were about to see Larry and Balki channel their inner Hawk and Animal.
JBL: Wait a minute, are we gonna see what I think we're gonna see?
Jerry Lawler: *chuckling* Ohhhhhh, what a rush!
Michael Cole: This Chicago crowd has definitely gone nuts!
JBL: Time for the Doomsday Device!
Both Balki and Larry had it in the bag.
But before Larry could launch himself in the sky, Red Forman started hitting down at Balki's forehead. After the foreigner was stunned enough, Red managed to hop back down and push Balki onto Larry, who painfully wrecked himself on the turnbuckle. The crowd didn't take very well to Red's quick counter, which responded in a little bit of boos.
Jerry Lawler: Oh no!
Michael Cole: That's gotta be painful to watch!
JBL: I think Larry's 'perfect strangers' are starting to swell up now!
The impact Larry took was so hard, his eyes were beginning to pop out.
With Larry stranded on the ropes, Red Forman took in a forearm shot to Larry's face that sent over down to the floor. Surprising as this was, this actually became Red Forman's first elimination of the night.
Michael Cole: Larry Appleton has been eliminated from the Rumble!
Jerry Lawler: That probably isn't gonna sit well with Balki!
9th Eliminated: Larry Appleton; Eliminated by: Red Forman; Duration: 8:35
After Larry's painful excruciating exit at ringside, Emma Ross tried to surprise Norm Peterson by hopping off the apron and landing onto him with a flying clothesline.
But as soon as Emma came down, Norm pushed Richie onto him, therefore getting in that arm from Emma instead!
Jerry Lawler: Ouch! Poor Richie's definitely not cutting a break.
Michael Cole: He's still disoriented from that big boot by Charlie Kelly.
JBL: He should have never been in there. Only the Fonz is more capable with withstanding more damage than he does.
After Emma got up, Norm had decked the oldest Ross kid with a clothesline.
With Emma down, Norm barely had time to celebrate as he saw Nikki Ortiz fly right at him with a diving body press off the turnbuckle. His body mass came into play instantly as he caught her in mid-air.
JBL: Uh-oh, bad place at the wrong time, Nikki!
Michael Cole: This isn't gonna be good for her!
JBL: We're about to see a Nikki-shaped burrito, guys!
With a smirk on Norm's face, he slammed Nikki down with the World's Strongest Slam!
The impact was nearly enough to break Nikki's ribs in two.
Jerry Lawler: Ouch!
Michael Cole: Okay, I think that was most horrible to watch than Larry split in half!
JBL: Nikki ends up flat as a pancake!
As Norm flipped off the Chicago faithful to a bunch of boos, the crowd all rose again when they saw the Rumble clock light up.
That of course, indicated that number 20 was making his way soon enough.
Jerry Lawler: While Nikki tries to recover, we've got number 20 making his way!
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!*
Entrant #20: Newman (Seinfeld)
With the buzzer sounding, a round chubby man with curly black hair and glasses scurried down the aisle to a bunch of boos.
The 20th entrant soon waved to the fans, which still gave him a lot of hate for his cunningness against Jerry, Elaine, George and Kramer. Not even one local Chicago native gave him one cheer at all. But it didn't matter since he still wanted to win this Rumble first-hand!
JBL: All right! I love this guy!
Jerry Lawler: Oh, please! Anything and anyone but his guy! I can't stand him.
Michael Cole: For those who are unfamiliar with Seinfeld, this is one of the most hated characters in all of TV, Newman.
Jerry Lawler: I can see why because of this response from this Chicago crowd!
JBL: Maybe, but you can't please everyone! I'm definitely choosing him as my favorite to win!
Newman was psyched to be in this match, despite all the hate.
Looking at all the contestants in the ring, Newman tried to figure out who to go after. After such thinking, Newman decided to go after Nikki. But he didn't enter the ring, he decided to take a page from her playbook and enter from the top rope.
Jerry Lawler: Oh no, someone's gotta stop him!
Michael Cole: Nikki's already suffered two broken ribs from Norm. What does Newman have in mind?!
JBL: Why are you concerned? Anything can happen in the Sitcom Royal Rumble!
Jerry Lawler: Yeah, but not when someone's well-being is at stake!
Nikki tried to move, but the pain prevented her from trying to get out of the way.
Basically, it was all too late as Newman leaped from the top rope...
...
...
...and crushed Nikki with a Superfly Splash!
Michael Cole: *shouting* OH MY LORD!
Jerry Lawler: Oh no, someone get some help for her!
JBL: Relax! She'll be fine! Every female who competes in the Rumble all get bruises more of the time!
Jerry Lawler: *to JBL* Will you stop, John?! She needs medical help!
JBL: *to King* Don't yell at me! I'm just trying to be helpful here!
Newman had no remorse from that aerial attack on Nikki.
In fact, he felt more proud of himself as he showed off to the rest of the fans, who booed loudly at Newman. The crowd combined anger for Newman increased, even breaking out a 'Newman Sucks' chant over and over again.
Jerry Lawler: It's been a second, and so far, he makes me sick!
JBL: Come on, sing the praises of Newman! Let him feel the love!
Michael Cole: I would, but apparently, he's got no love from this crowd to give him any.
Meanwhile, Alex P. Keaton snuck up on Cory Matthews and gave him an old school sleeper hold.
With his grip tightening all around Cory, the teacher's face turned midnight blue as he tried to reach for the ropes. This would be useful if it were an actual wrestling match, but unfortunately in the Sitcom Royal Rumble, rope breaks didn't count in the match. It was pretty much helpless for Cory to break out of the hold for sure.
Michael Cole: Alex locks in the sleeper now!
Jerry Lawler: Cory's about to pass out here! And he's very light for a skinny guy!
JBL: Somebody get his blanky, cause Cory's going beddy-bye.
Unfortunately for Alex P. Keaton, he didn't realize Jefferson finally getting back in the ring after two unfortunate bumps.
Getting his vision back in order, Jefferson rushed in and kicked Alex and Cory, getting them right between the legs!
Jerry Lawler: Owwww, double nut shot by Jefferson.
JBL: It's about time that pretty-boy got in the ring!
Michael Cole: We've been getting a lot of nut-shots for sure!
The nut shot that Alex received from Jefferson was way more worse than the nut-shot that Larry Appleton had got.
Alex couldn't manage to recover in time as he was picked up by Jefferson and thrown over the top rope and onto the floor to a standing ovation.
Michael Cole: Alex is gone! I repeat, Alex P. Keaton is gone!
Jerry Lawler: I think another ice pack is in order!
JBL: Heck, make that two!
Michael Cole: Revenge was definitely sweet for Jefferson this time!
10th Eliminated: Alex P. Keaton; Eliminated by: Jefferson D'Arcy; Duration: 7:40
Meanwhile, Newman still wasn't satisfied with the damage he gave out to Nikki earlier.
So he decided to inflict more damage on her by picking her up on her knees, and lifting her up with a giant Gorilla Press.
Jerry Lawler: Oh come on, enough's already enough!
Michael Cole: I can't watch this for sure.
Jerry Lawler: Hopefully, someone might come in and save her! Here comes the clock!
At the same time Newman lifted Nikki up with a Gorilla Press, the Rumble clock lit up again.
In King's case, he hoped that the next entrant in the Rumble would come to Nikki's aid!
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!*
Entrant #21: Tyler James (Dog With A Blog)
As the buzzer sounded, a teenager with a gorgeous man-mane of medium black hair and dressed up in all black came sprinting down the aisle, hoping to save Nikki in time before she was splattered like a watermelon.
But he wasn't alone. He also brought in a steel chair for good measure.
Jerry Lawler: Hey, looks like I was right!
Michael Cole: From Disney Channel's Dog With A Blog, it's the winner of the first ever Sitcom Royal Rumble, Tyler James!
Jerry Lawler: Apparently, he's pissed of what Newman's doing to his girlfriend! And he's not liking it for sure!
Tyler got in the ring and saw Newman, just inches away from throwing Nikki over the ropes.
With the rage of a lion, Tyler swung that chair and struck Newman in the leg! To add insult to injury, Newman dropped Nikki onto himself with a splash on the way down.
Michael Cole: What a shot!
JBL: It's not fair! Newman came so close to throwing her out!
Jerry Lawler: *to JBL* If you're so worried about Newman so much, why don't you marry him?
JBL: *to King* No thanks, King. I'm straight as a straw.
As Nikki rolled off of Newman in order to recover, Tyler decided to lay down some permanent damage on Newman.
Not letting him recover, Tyler slammed the chair on Newman's chest hard, which brought a twinging feeling. And then, Tyler started hitting him again, and again, and again. Strange enough, the fans all chanted 'yes' with each chair shot that Tyler gave him. Those chair shots were so brutal and nasty, that it was forming marks around Newman's chest. Luckily for him, he was covered by one of his checkered shirts.
Jerry Lawler: Look at him, Tyler's gone nuts!
JBL: Somebody get some help for Newman!
Michael Cole: *smirking at JBL* Sorry, JBL. You know what you said, 'anything can happen in the Sitcom Royal Rumble'!
JBL: Oh crap, I did say that, didn't I?
By the time it was over, Tyler had unleashed 30 chair shots around Newman's body. (Which was actually one chair shot per second)
The crowd all cheered for Tyler, just for the destruction he unleashed on the cunning manipulating Newman. Picking him up, Tyler gave him a few words of his own.
Tyler James: *angrily to Newman* No one hurts my girlfriend, you son of a-!
With his anger successfully boiling over, Tyler managed to toss out Newman over the ropes and onto the floor successfully to a rip-roaring ovation!
Jerry Lawler: Newman's out! Newman's gone!
JBL: This is unbelievable! My favorite's out just like that, all because of a pretty-boy with a man-mane!
Michael Cole: Like it or not, this crowd's into it!
11th Eliminated: Newman; Eliminated by: Tyler James; Duration: 1:40
As the ring officials outside began checking on Newman (who was still convulsing from the chair shots), Tyler managed to check on his girlfriend, Nikki. He was concerned on the damage that both Norm and Newman had done to her.
Surprisingly, Nikki managed to get up scot-free. Even though she was a little bruised, she found some heart to get to his feet.
Tyler James: *to Nikki* Nikki, are you alright? Are you hurt?
Nikki Ortiz: *hugs Tyler* Gracias, Tyler! Mucho mas de eso y me he muerto! [1]
Tyler James: *looking puzzled* I don't know what that means, but okay.
With a smile to both of their faces, both Tyler and Nikki engaged in a very passionate kiss, fit for a hero.
The Chicago crowd all went crazy from that kiss, responding with cat-calls, hollers and even a 'Wooooooo' chant fit for good measure.
Michael Cole: Well, look at that!
JBL: Okay, that's making me sick! I rather watch Newman than see these two suck face!
Jerry Lawler: *to JBL* Don't be a buzzkill! I think it's hot! I think Tyler's a better kisser than Dolph Ziggler!
JBL: Oh come on, he's nowhere near a good kisser as Ziggler is.
However, somewhere around the kiss, Nikki tapped Tyler right in the arm, indicating that someone was coming their way.
That someone was Norm Peterson, who decided to surprise them with a double clothesline. Luckily, Tyler and Nikki ducked the attack, only to strike Norm with a thunderous double superkick!
Michael Cole: *jumping out of his seat* WHOA!
Jerry Lawler: I think the Sears Tower split apart just by hearing that!
JBL: His jaw's gonna have to get superglued the first thing in the morning!
While Tyler and Nikki searched for other competition, Emma Ross was busy choking out Jefferson D'Arcy down by the ropes while Red Forman had Richie Cunningham trapped with a tree of woe. To make things worse, Red put his foot in the redhead's mouth, nearly shoving his feet around Richie's teeth! Meanwhile, Charlie Kelly was busy pounding the back of Balki's head into the mat.
The time was also right for the next competitor to enter the ring as the crowd stood up, looking next to the titantron.
Michael Cole: We're about to see number 22! Who will it be?
To be continued next chapter...
[1] - "Much more of that and I would've been dead!"
Wow, this Rumble is starting to get a whole lot of insane. Before we dive right in the 22nd spot, let's check out stats, shall we?
Eliminated: Mike Seaver, Peter Brady, Robbie Shapiro, Shelby Marcus, Cliff Huxtable, Carl McMillan, Victoria Flynn, Tim Taylor, Larry Appleton, Alex P. Keaton and Newman
Still in the ring: Balki Bartokomous, Charlie Kelly, Cory Matthews, Emma Ross, Jefferson D'Arcy, Nikki Ortiz, Norm Peterson, Red Forman, Richie Cunningham and Tyler James.
Entrants in the ring: 10
Entrants still left to go: 29
Now that Jefferson is finally in the ring, will he manage to do some personal damage in the next chapter?
Will Richie Cunningham ever fight back in this match?
Will we see more makeout moments between Tyler and Nikki next chapter (I'm not gonna lie, I love Dog With A Blog and I ship them like crazy. It sucks that the producers broke them up for no apparent reason, because I think they're so adorable together)?
Am I really on dope? Maybe it's a trick question.
Next chapter's gonna be intense, so feedbacks are welcome! Until next time, this is UltimateWarriorFan4Ever signing off for now!