"Sitcom Royal Rumble II"
Rated T for mild language and violence
Summary: 50 superstars from sitcoms past and present battle for 1,000,000 on the line in an all-out battle royal! With old contestants returning alongside brand new faces ready to compete, and two rings to match the total carnage unleashed, who will fight to survive for total victory? A sequel to the first Sitcom Royal Rumble.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with World Wrestling Entertainment, Total Nonstop Action, or sitcoms associated with ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX, Disney, Nickelodeon or TBS. Anyway, I'd figured I'd do this for fun and amusement. So enjoy!
Chapter 8: Kickin' It In The Rumble
The carnage kept on continuing until the next entrant had appeared.
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!
Entrant #22: Screech (Saved By The Bell)
After the buzzer sounded, a skinny curly-haired teenager wearing a Bayside High wrestling uniform came out to a surprising bunch of boos directed at him.
The 22nd entrant didn't even know why people were booing him to be honest, but it didn't matter as long as he was heading down to the ring to fight.
JBL: Oh, great. Of all the people who had to enter to the ring, it had to be this moron?
Michael Cole: For those of you who grew up in the 90's, it's Samuel "Screech" Powers from NBC's Saved By The Bell!
Jerry Lawler: Looks like Screech came prepared to fight!
After he got in the ring, Screech went to work right away by hammering both Charlie Kelly and Balki one at a time in the back.
With those double axe handle shots given to both Charlie and Balki one at a time, Screech was doing his awesome Demolition impression. [1]
Jerry Lawler: Check that out! Does that remind you of somebody, JBL?
JBL: Yeah, Ax and Smash from Demolition! I may not like Screech, but he's definitely making one hell of an impression!
After bringing both men down, Screech took the time to show off to the fans by flexing his muscles.
The response that Screech got wasn't pretty to be exact. Not one local from Chicago ever cheered him at all.
JBL: Oh man, did we really need to see that?
Michael Cole: Apparently, the fans aren't taking a huge liking to Screech to be exact!
Charlie and Balki didn't like the way they were sneak attacked by a skinny nerd.
In total response, both the bar owner and the foreigner tugged Screech's shorts tightly in a huge wedgie! All the crowd cheered of the fact that Screech got himself the humiliation of a life time!
JBL: Yeah, that's right! Show that nerd he totally deserves it!
Jerry Lawler: His show may be called Saved By The Bell, but I'm pretty sure no one ain't gonna save him at the moment!
JBL: *chuckling* Looks like someone's going beddy-bye!
Screech tried begging to the two of them to let him go, but it was no use.
With their combined strength, Charlie and Balki chucked Screech over the top rope and onto the floor, eliminating him to a bunch of cheers!
Michael Cole: Screech is gone! Screech is eliminated!
Jerry Lawler: It's detention time for him!
12th Eliminated: Screech; Eliminated by: Charlie Kelly and Balki Bartokomous; Duration: 0:22
After a bummed Screech had left ringside in total grief, Chet from Best Friends Whenever ran past him and came back in the ring, doing jumping jacks for apparently no reason.
JBL: That fat kid's out there again?!
Jerry Lawler: That Bret kid doesn't get it, does he?
Michael Cole: Um, that's not Bret, King. That's Chet.
Jerry Lawler: Oh, crap! How do I even tell them apart again?
JBL: That should be easy. One's fatter and one's fattest, I think.
Feeling a little pumped despite not being in the Royal Rumble, Chet tried to find the first person to beat on. To his luck, he found Red Forman trying his best to piledrive Norm Peterson.
With a smirk, Chet pounded away at Red Forman hard. But Red managed to absorb those blows, having no effect on him whatsoever. Chet's little sneak attack on him ended up pissing Red Forman off.
Jerry Lawler: Uh-oh...
Michael Cole: That may be a huge mistake!
JBL: Somebody's about to get Red's foot in his ass!
Not pleased with Chet's sneak attack, Red managed to lay a hard right to his fat cheek.
While he was holding his cheek in pain, Red ended up swinging his foot into Chet's ass in retaliation! The crowd all managed to laugh at Chet's misfortune, especially Shelby's friends sitting at ringside.
JBL: Oh, yeah! Ball game!
Jerry Lawler: I think Chet's ass just sent him straight out of the park!
Michael Cole: Hopefully, that'll get the message sent out to him!
For safety reasons, Chet ended up getting out of the ring and running back up the aisle, hoping to stay out of the match for good.
As Red Forman began looking back at the chubby ginger kid with a smirk, Cory Matthews surprised him by nailing a Zig Zag neckbreaker!
Jerry Lawler: Uh-oh, that distraction cost him there!
JBL: Yeah, and it wouldn't happened to him if Chet would have stayed the hell out!
While the nearly-bald hardass held onto his neck in total pain, the Rumble clock lit up on the titan-tron, bringing in the next entrant from the match.
Michael Cole: Number 23's gonna come in momentarily!
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!
Entrant #23: Oleg (2 Broke Girls)
Suddenly, a huge foreign man with curly hair, full beard and dressed in a dirty white apron came through the curtain and was greeted by thousands of Chicago fans.
His smile was soon lit up when he saw that one of the fans held up a Ukraine flag in respect of his home country.
JBL: Oh, crap! First, we have Screech and now we have this perv?
Michael Cole: From CBS's 2 Broke Girls, it's dirty Ukrainian, Oleg!
Jerry Lawler: Well, he's definitely considered a favorite for sure! Definitely a big guy if I ever seen one.
JBL: And a big pervert as well.
After he got in the ring, he immediately went to work right away by hitting Jefferson D'Arcy with a big boot.
And then, it was followed by a body slam to Emma Ross, followed by a leg drop on the blonde herself!
Jerry Lawler: Hey, look at Oleg go!
JBL: Did he even wash himself before this event? I'm smelling a little bit of french fry grease on him?
Jerry Lawler: I admit it's making me hungry a little...
As he got up from the leg drop, Oleg looked to his right shoulder and saw Nikki helping Tyler eliminate Richie Cunningham from the match.
Oleg was quite impressed of how beautiful Nikki looked from here. That supermodel-worthy body, that long dark brown hair that went down to her hips and that smoky Latin accent of hers that drove Oleg a little hot and horny from here. Even though Oleg was a married man, he didn't mind hitting on some hot foreign jailbait.
So he went over to Nikki and tapped her shoulder, therefore getting Oleg's attention.
Oleg: *to Nikki* Hey, are you from El Salvador?
Nikki Ortiz: *to Oleg* Yeah, what?
Oleg: Have you ever been to Ukraine? You know what they say, "Once you go Ukraine, you will scream with sex-"
Unfortunately, Oleg was cut off by Tyler James, who superkicked the crap out of him with a huge pop!
Jerry Lawler: *in surprise* Oh, geez-!
JBL: Well, talk about shooting someone's mouth off!
Michael Cole: Tyler nearly kicked Oleg's jaw off his hinges!
JBL: Yeah, I'm pretty sure Tyler knew the whole joke.
Oleg was instantly knocked out from that impact.
Still being disgusted by that un-told pickup line of his, Nikki got help from Tyler as they took Oleg's knocked out body and tried to get him over the top rope. But before they could get him over the top rope, Richie Cunningham snuck from behind and gave Tyler James a full nelson!
JBL: Uh-oh, I think Tyler forgot about Richie there!
Jerry Lawler: Richie's got those fingers locked in tight!
Michael Cole: Tyler trying hard to escape the hold!
JBL: That red-head's on him like a damn spider monkey!
Luckily for Tyler, he managed to hang on the ropes and pushed Richie off of him.
While he rested for a little bit, he saw Richie rush right after him. Using his quick smarts, Tyler ducked and put the ropes down as Richie tumbled over the top rope and down to the floor easily!
Michael Cole: Richie is gone! Richie is out of here!
JBL: Yeah, just like his brother Chuck did on Happy Days!
Jerry Lawler: He's definitely not gonna like that for sure!
13th Eliminated: Richie Cunningham; Eliminated by: Tyler James; Duration: 4:47
After Richie departed from the match, Tyler went back on helping his girlfriend eliminate Oleg from the match.
At the same time, the clock lit up on the titantron again, bringing in another entrant.
JBL: We got number 24 heading our way! I'm excited!
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!
Entrant #24: Jack Brewer (Kickin' It)
After the buzzer, a teenager with medium-long brown hair and dressed in impressive karate gi came running down the aisle to a lukewarm ovation.
This contestant was a proud member of the Bobby Wasabi Academy and a first-class sensei to boot.
Jerry Lawler: Well, this Rumble's about to kick it to high gear!
Michael Cole: Another one of the Rumble's favorites, it's Jack Brewer from Disney XD's hit show, Kickin' It!
JBL: I swear this Rumble's being filled up with pretty boys...
As he entered the ring, Jack started cleaning house with fast kicks to Cory Matthews, Norm Peterson, Red Forman and Jefferson D'Arcy.
Jefferson got the worst of it as Jack Brewer nailed him hard on his sculpted chest!
JBL: Yeouch! That's gotta sting!
Jerry Lawler: That's gonna leave one total mark on his chest for sure.
The always-smiling pretty boy ended up getting down on his knees, as Jack began to do more work.
Jack kept on kicking Jefferson in the chest repeatedly. With each kick, Jefferson's heart was getting heartburn by the minute.
Michael Cole: Jack Brewer on fire here!
Jerry Lawler: Those kicks are making my ears bleed for sure!
As the crowd kept on chanting 'Yes' with each kick given, Jack decided to pull off the Coup De Grace by roundhouse kicking Jefferson right on the side of this head, knocking him out for the time being! The sound even brought out some 'Ooh's from the crowd as well.
JBL: YOUCH! That was hard!
Jerry Lawler: That's enough to cause Jefferson migraines for sure!
After taking care of Jefferson, Jack saw that both Nikki and Tyler were struggling to get Oleg out.
Deciding to be the good competitor that he was, Jack decided to help the couple out, now making this a 3-on-1 elimination process. Oleg was now starting to wake up, finding out that he was in risk of being eliminated! Quickly, he managed to hang on the ropes extra tight, preventing elimination!
Michael Cole: Oleg's being close to out of here in the match!
Jerry Lawler: Things aren't looking good for him!
JBL: I hope they eliminate him! He's a pervert, I tell you!
Unfortunately for Oleg, his near-elimination wasn't for long as Red Forman also decided to help Jack, Tyler and Nikki as well.
Finally, after 30 seconds of hanging on, Oleg finally went over the top rope and onto the floor, signaling his early elimination in the match to a mixed reaction.
JBL: Finally, it's about time Oleg got out of there!
Jerry Lawler: Apparently, half of the crowd doesn't like that one bit.
JBL: Oh please, like I care about what they think.
14th Eliminated: Oleg; Eliminated by: Jack Brewer, Red Forman, Nikki Ortiz and Tyler James; Duration: 1:35
As Oleg left ringside sadly, Emma Ross got her hands full with Balki Bartokomous.
After Balki hit Emma with a body slam, the foreigner from Chicago decided to go up on top and surprise the teenaged blonde with a full body press!
Michael Cole: What a move by Balki-wait a minute!
Suddenly, the momentum turned them over as Emma Ross grabbed Balki by her shoulders. With shocking strength, Emma got up to her knees and held Balki in a backbreaker position. The crowd suddenly reacted in shock and surprise when Emma got to her feet while still holding Balki!
Jerry Lawler: How is she doing this?!
JBL: That's frickin' insane! Emma's like the size of a toothpick and somehow, he's carrying Balki!
Michael Cole: She is definitely not normal, I can tell!
As she approached the ropes, Emma had an idea up in mind.
So she transitioned to a fireman's carry position. With Balki being carried on her shoulders, Emma put the foreigner down with the Go To Sleep! The impact forced Balki to flip back over the ropes and onto the floor, nailing her first elimination of the match!
JBL: Whoa, what a hit!
Jerry Lawler: The world's not looking perfect for Balki now! He's gone!
Michael Cole: Balki's been eliminated!
15th Eliminated: Balki Bartokomous; Eliminated by: Emma Ross; Duration: 9:50
While Balki remained knocked out on the outside floor, the countdown clock lit up once again.
With anticipation, the rest of the crowd all turned to the curtain to see who would come out the 25th spot.
Jerry Lawler: Number 25 is on his way immediately!
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!
Entrant #25: Frasier Crane (Cheers/Frasier)
As the buzzer sounded off, a middle aged man with nearly-balding hair and decked out in a brown business suit came out to loud, yet decent cheers from the fans.
Apparently, anyone who watched Cheers or its spinoff show definitely knew who this was!
JBL: Oh, get your tossed salad and scrambled eggs ready! Here he comes!
Jerry Lawler: I'm a huge fan of this guy! Frasier is in the Rumble!
Michael Cole: With him in the Rumble, this is sure to be interesting!
The psychiatrist-turned-radio host soon got into the ring only to see Charlie Kelly stomp on Norm Peterson to death.
Frasier wasn't having it to be honest. Seeing his drunken friend getting manhandled by a bar owner that wasn't Sam Malone, Frasier surprised Charlie by lifting him off his feet with an electric chair and fall back into the turnbuckle, sending the back of Charlie's head to the lower right turnbuckle!
Michael Cole: *shocked* Dear god!
Jerry Lawler: That didn't feel pretty for Charlie!
JBL: Somebody's getting whiplash for sure...
As Charlie held onto his neck painfully, Frasier helped his friend out by dusting himself off.
Frasier Crane: *to Norm* You definitely took a beating here for sure.
Norm Peterson: *to Frasier* No kidding! I think the rest of the competitors are much more drunk than the people here in Chicago!
While Frasier and Norm were busy talking to one another, Jefferson D'Arcy woke up and saw the two conversate. With a smirk, Jefferson thought of sneak attacking them while they weren't looking.
So as Jefferson rushed right after them, Frasier and Norm gave him a double gut shot to the ribs!
Jerry Lawler: Well, that didn't help much!
Seeing Jefferson standing in the middle in the ring in pain, Frasier and Norm decided to take in some double team offense.
With the two in separate corners, both Frasier and Norm rushed onto Jefferson and laid him out with the Fall of Man (which is a leg sweep/running european uppercut combo)!
JBL: Fall of Man! Right out of the Ascension's playbook!
Michael Cole: Jefferson's having a tough time building some momentum here!
JBL: Like I said, he should've never gotten in the ring after that table bump earlier!
As Jefferson got completely knocked out, Jack Brewer caught Red Forman by the arm after the middle-aged man tried to hand the sensei a punch.
Jack then flipped his body over, sending Red to the mat with a Cross Armbreaker. However, he didn't lock it all the way in as Red held onto his already locked left arm just to ease the pain.
Michael Cole: Cross Armbreaker! Jack with a surprising Cross Armbreaker!
Jerry Lawler: Yeah, but he doesn't have it locked though!
JBL: Red is in major trouble here!
While being locked into the hold, Red Forman started standing on his left two feet and stared down at Jack.
Forming his right hand into a fist, Red started beating Jack's face down in hopes of being let go by the hold. It still wasn't helping him though as Jack became attached to him like a spider. The kind of struggle that both Red and Jack were in were as similar to an MMA fight.
Jerry Lawler: Red fighting hard as he can.
Michael Cole: No matter how hard he tries, Jack definitely isn't let go.
After 20 seconds of fighting out of that hold, Charlie Kelly came out of nowhere and hit a top rope leg drop right on Jack, finally breaking the hold.
JBL: There we go!
Michael Cole: Charlie dropping the leg on Jack.
Jack wobbled a little from the impact itself. But Charlie wasn't half done with the sensei just yet.
As the sensei sat up, Charlie rushed in and pulled off a nice rolling neck snap for good measure!
Jerry Lawler: Well, that oughta whip Jack back up in shape!
Michael Cole: Impressive neck snap by Charlie!
JBL: This is turning very intense for the competitors! They're really dying to get a hold of those million dollars for sure!
Meanwhile, both Tyler and Nikki were trying to get Cory Matthews over the top rope while Jefferson still became the pain magnet that he was from the start, being locked in the full nelson by Norm and getting hit on the chest by Frasier.
While so, the Rumble clock lit right back up, therefore bringing in yet another entrant into the match!
Michael Cole: We're up at number 26! Who will join in the Royal Rumble Match?
To be continued next chapter...
[1] - For those who don't know, Demolition was a tag team in the WWE around the late 80's-early 90's which consisted of both Ax, Smash and later in the career, Crush. And for once, they held the WWE Tag Team Championship for nearly 16 months! Pretty tight, huh?
Yeah, thanks for the info, inner me. But before we can dive into number 26 next chapter, let's check out the stats, shall we?
Eliminated: Mike Seaver, Peter Brady, Robbie Shapiro, Shelby Marcus, Cliff Huxtable, Carl McMillan, Victoria Flynn, Tim Taylor, Larry Appleton, Alex P. Keaton, Newman, Screech, Richie Cunningham, Oleg and Balki Bartokomous
Still in the ring: Charlie Kelly, Cory Matthews, Emma Ross, Frasier Crane, Jack Brewer, Jefferson D'Arcy, Nikki Ortiz, Norm Peterson, Red Forman, and Tyler James.
Entrants in the ring: 10
Entrants still left to go: 25
Will Jefferson ever get a chance to quit being a pain magnet?
Will the alliance of Frasier and Norm be a benefactor in this match?
Will see more horrible pickup lines from contestants?
Is my dog ever gonna bathe?
Stay tuned for next chapter, my homies, so don't forget to leave a little feedy on the way out! Until next time, this is UltimateWarriorFan4Ever signing off for now! PEACE!