"Sitcom Royal Rumble II"
Rated T for mild language and violence
Summary: 50 superstars from sitcoms past and present battle for 1,000,000 on the line in an all-out battle royal! With old contestants returning alongside brand new faces ready to compete, and two rings to match the total carnage unleashed, who will fight to survive for total victory? A sequel to the first Sitcom Royal Rumble.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with World Wrestling Entertainment, Total Nonstop Action, or sitcoms associated with ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX, Disney, Nickelodeon or TBS. Anyway, I'd figured I'd do this for fun and amusement. So enjoy!
Chapter 9: Butlers, Shoe Salesmen and Writers
The chaos and madness kept on continuing as number #26 made his down the aisle.
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!
Entrant #26: Mr. Belvedere
As the buzzer sounded, an overweight British butler dressed in a brown sweatercoat ran through the curtain in a lukewarm ovation. Everyone who grew up in the 1980's knew who this guy was. The kids today however, couldn't have a clue who this guy was at all that entered.
JBL: Hey, look who's here!
Michael Cole: A cult legend in the history of sitcoms, here comes Mr. Belvedere!
Jerry Lawler: I'm glad I still remember him!
As Mr. Belvedere got inside the ring, he saw Jefferson D'Arcy being outnumbered by Frasier and Norm. But he wasn't looking to help out Jefferson.
Knowing this was every man for themselves, Belvedere ran up to Norm and put him down in a german suplex, while at the same time that Norm hit Jefferson with a Dragon Suplex. The crowd popped huge for that move!
Jerry Lawler: Whoa! What a move!
JBL: I have never seen someone do a german suplex on somebody who's pulling off a full nelson! That's insane!
Seeing his friend go down by a big butler, Frasier tried to take a shot at Belvedere.
But the butler used his smarts and catched his punch, countering with a huge Samoan Drop for good measure!
Michael Cole: Impressive Samoan Drop by Mr. Belvedere!
JBL: We're like 15 seconds ahead of the match and so far, Mr. Belvedere cleaning house!
Jerry Lawler: With the momentum he's getting, I think we all know who the new Rumble favorite is!
While Frasier was wrenching his back in pain, Charlie Kelly had his hands full with Emma Ross down at Ring #2.
Charlie wanted to nail a piledriver on Emma, but the blonde managed to stick her knees close to the mat, which made it hard for the bar owner to pick her up!
JBL: Uh-oh, I don't like the looks of this!
Michael Cole: Emma Ross in major trouble here!
Just to get her off her feet, Charlie pounded her in the back hard.
As she was stunned, the bar owner finally managed to pick her up and drove her head right in the mat a la Spike Piledriver!
Michael Cole: OH, man!
Jerry Lawler: Yeah, I gotta admit, it was better than my version of the move!
JBL: Emma Ross is now this close from having her neck broken.
With Emma down on the mat unconscious, Charlie was somehow less satisfied with the result.
So he needed to go to the extreme. With an evil smirk on his face, Charlie rolled himself under the ropes and searched for something under the apron.
Jerry Lawler: Uh-oh, what's he doing?
JBL: I have no idea, and basically, I don't want to know...
After seconds of searching, Charlie ended up pulling out a little grey bag with a string tied to it.
As he got back in the ring, Charlie undid the tie. And when he did, he poured down what seemed to be thousands of thumbtacks. The crowd all gasped in surprise, horror and anticipation, knowing that this Rumble was now gonna be sadistic.
Michael Cole: *gulping* Oh no...
Jerry Lawler: I can't even watch this!
JBL: It's frickin' thumbtacks! Thumbtacks, I tell ya!
Jerry Lawler: If I was Emma, I'd run out of the ring and never come back!
But before Charlie could get to Emma, he saw Cory Matthews run right by him.
Using quick thinking, Charlie Kelly ducked down and launched Cory Matthews over the top rope and down to the floor, eliminating him.
JBL: Cory's gone! The teacher is out!
Jerry Lawler: The world is no longer his, that's for sure!
16th Eliminated: Cory Matthews; Eliminated by: Charlie Kelly; Duration: 10:42
After Cory's departure, Charlie started right where he left off and picked up Emma once again.
Only this time, he was thinking of powerbombing her through the thumbtacks!
Michael Cole: *to Charlie* Oh no, please don't do this!
JBL: He's gonna turn Emma Ross into a human pincushion!
Jerry Lawler: Hopefully, the next entrant might come to her help!
Luckily for her, Charlie put her down to see the countdown clock light up on the titantron, therefore awaiting number 27's entry into the Rumble.
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!
As the buzzer sounded, the crowd somehow became confused when no one had come out the 27th spot.
The crowd didn't understand. Did someone in the back see what was going on and decided to quit at the last second? Or perhaps someone got ill and decided to skip the Rumble altogether.
JBL: Huh, no one's coming out.
Michael Cole: I wonder what happened?
Jerry Lawler: Maybe someone decided to- wait a minute, someone's coming from the crowd.
Suddenly, the 27th entrant came through the crowd, who took in a surprising pop.
The camera got a good shot of him and his description. Wavy dark brown hair and dressed in brown shorts alongside a red-collared shirt with the Camp Kikiwaka logo on him. To the fans surprise, this teenager went by the name of...
Entrant #27: Xander (BUNK'D)
JBL: Wait a minute, what's that punk doing in the Rumble? Is he even a contestant?!
Michael Cole: It's Xander from the "Jessie" spinoff, "BUNK'D"!
Jerry Lawler: And he made his entrance through the crowd nonetheless!
Xander wasn't alone by the way. He also had a trusty Singapore cane with him.
So as he entered the ring, he stood behind Charlie Kelly, who was foolishly waiting for the 27th entrant to come out. Foolishly enough, he didn't even know the 27th entrant was already in the ring.
Charlie Kelly: *to the curtain* C'mon, ya little p***k! I ain't waitin'.
With a smirk, Xander decided to give him a wakeup call when she whacked Charlie in the back of the head with a Cane!
And then, it was followed by more cane shots. This time, to the entire body.
Jerry Lawler: Wow, did you hear that?
JBL: My ears already bled hearing that! Look at him, that kid's nuts!
Michael Cole: There was absolutely no way he wanted to see Emma getting piledrived on tacks.
Being already stunned by the cane shots, Charlie rolled himself under the ring, just to take a little breather.
Even though he was in the floor, Charlie did not go over the top rope and onto the floor as planned. Which obviously meant he was still in the match.
JBL: I don't know who's more crazy, Charlie or that frickin' kid.
Michael Cole: *to JBL* That kid's name is Xander, John.
JBL: Like I hardly care what his name is! That guy's not normal!
While Xander was already checking on Emma, Mr. Belvedere kept building up his momentum by taking care of both Tyler and Nikki.
The ladykiller and latina were busy trying to lift the butler over with a double suplex, but size proved to be a factor for Mr. Belvedere, who managed to hook his leg right around Tyler's.
Jerry Lawler: I think they're gonna try to lift him!
JBL: That's ridiculous. Belvedere's like the size of four beer kegs. I'm thinking he ate all of them prior to this match!
In response to his nearly-attempted double suplex, Mr. Belvedere managed to do the impossible.
With added strength, he managed to single-handedly lift both Tyler and Nikki up through his shoulders and hit them with a double suplex of his own!
Michael Cole: Whoa! That's amazing!
JBL: Mr. Belvedere is looking pretty much unstoppable at this point!
Jerry Lawler: Forget Niles from "The Nanny" and Geoffrey from "Fresh Prince", this guy is the real deal!
As Mr. Belvedere showed off to a good pop from the Chicago crowd, the Rumble clock had lit up once again.
The people inside the United Center all looked to the titantron to see number 28 make his way!
JBL: Ah, here comes number 28! I can't wait for this!
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!
Entrant #28: Ally Dawson (Austin & Ally)
As the buzzer sounded, an 18-year old brunette dressed in a red tanktop, short white overalls and cowboy boots made her way down.
Not surprisingly, she was met with a good ovation from the crowd.
Jerry Lawler: Oh, as if things didn't get too exciting! Look who it is!
Michael Cole: It's famous songwriter and recording artist, Ally Dawson from Disney's "Austin & Ally"!
JBL: Last time we saw her, she got rough with Liv Rooney at the last Sitcom Royal Rumble! And she wasn't even a contestant!
Jerry Lawler: Now that she's a contestant, it's nice to see what she's gonna do!
Instead of entering the ring like most contestants, Ally Dawson decided to enter the ring via top rope. However, she was holding onto Red Forman's shoulders for balance, which was good considering that Red was being cornered by Norm and Frasier.
Seeing the two, Ally leaped off from the top rope and hit the duo with a double front dropkick, followed by a kip-up!
JBL: WOW!
Jerry Lawler: She just took down two birds with one stone!
Michael Cole: Especially in the form of a front dropkick.
The impact forced Norm Peterson to retreat from the lower right turnbuckle. But he didn't get time to rest, by the way.
It was all because Ally Dawson came rushing in, hitting Norm with a running dropkick from the turnbuckle. With the way she's been fighting, no wonder her fighting style reminded everyone of Daniel Bryan!
Michael Cole: Running dropkick out of beauty!
Ally Dawson was still pumped up to the bone.
So she decided to run back to the turnbuckle and ran back again, hitting Norm Peterson again with a running dropkick.
Michael Cole: Running dropkick again!
JBL: Forget Charlie or Xander, this girl out-nuts them both!
Ally was enjoying the support from this Chicago crowd.
So she kept them pumping up as she ran back the turnbuckle and ran back again...
...
...
...only to run into Mr. Belvedere, who back body dropped her into the mat.
Jerry Lawler: Oh, there goes Belvedere!
JBL: Tough luck, Ally!
As Ally wrenched his back in pain, Mr. Belvedere decided to catch his breath.
But out of nowhere, Jack Brewer came absolutely out of nowhere and dropkicked Belvedere on the side of the head, which forced Belvedere's momentum to carry him over the top rope and onto the floor in a very surprising elimination!
Michael Cole: Mr. Belvedere's services in this Rumble are over!
Jerry Lawler: Whoa, I never expected that!
JBL: He definitely won't be living the good life, that's for sure!
17th Eliminated: Mr. Belvedere; Eliminated by: Jack Brewer; Duration: 2:35
While some of the fans were disappointed from Mr. Belvedere's early departure, Xander and Emma decided to team up against Jefferson D'Arcy by using separate singapore canes.
Emma managed to whack Jefferson straight in the head, which forced him to turn around and get hit by Xander as well.
Jerry Lawler: Ouch! Jefferson hasn't been getting a major break ever since he entered.
JBL: He's so deformed, he makes the Elephant Man look more handsome.
While Jefferson was down, Xander managed to spread his legs...
...
...
...only for Emma to strike him right on the crotch with the cane itself! That forced every Chicagoan to cringe in horror seeing this!
Michael Cole: *shouting* DEAR LORD!
JBL: Jefferson's gonna want to need another ice pack for sure.
Jerry Lawler: Heck, maybe 20 if he's interested!
As Jefferson started crying for his mommy, the Rumble clock lit up once again.
The crowd all gathered at the titantron, awaiting what was the 29th entrant of the match. Hopefully, it would be somebody who could save Jefferson from this unlucky beatdown.
JBL: Next entrant coming up at around 10...
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!
Entrant #29: Al Bundy (Married... With Children)
With the buzzer sounding for the 29th time, the crowd all roared to their feet in one gigantic pop.
It was all because a middle-aged man in balding hair, long-sleeved blue shirt, usual brown pants, and brown business shoes came through the curtain. Instant electricity flowed through him, needing the energy that he needed to get him through this match.
Jerry Lawler: Oh man, this is insane!
Michael Cole: Another returning favorite from the last year's Sitcom Royal Rumble, it's the shoe salesman from "Married... With Children", Al Bundy!
JBL: He definitely isn't gonna like his friend getting beat up like this!
Michael Cole: This crowd is lighting up here in Chicago!
Not having to see Jefferson suffer anymore, Al rushed right in the ring.
Xander and Emma tried striking their canes at the shoe salesman, but Al managed to duck down and run towards the ropes. When Al ran back, he leveled both the duo with a flying double clothesline!
JBL: Check that out! A Flying Bundy!
Jerry Lawler: That oughtta put them to sleep!
With Xander and Emma down, Al approached Jefferson, who was busy holding his little man in total pain.
Jefferson was off breathing in and out, as if he had gotten pregnant (of course, he wasn't). Al looked a bit concerned for his little buddy.
Al Bundy: Jefferson, you okay, buddy?
Jefferson D'Arcy: *cringing* I think I miscarried a little...
Meanwhile, Red Forman was at ring #2 doing his best to get Nikki over the top rope.
Red Forman was pushing up as hard as he could, but Nikki successfully managed to hang on to the ropes. Yet, that still didn't stop him from pushing her up over his head.
Red Forman: Damn it, what the hell did this girl eat for lunch? Bob?!
Michael Cole: Red Forman trying to get Nikki over the rope!
JBL: Hard to believe he's lasting a very long time after having entered number 2!
Jerry Lawler: That proves how tough of a fighter he is!
After seconds of trying, Red finally managed to get Nikki over, but she remained on top of the apron. Seeing her, Red tried to knock her off the apron, but Nikki managed to punch Red right in the face.
But before she could get back in the ring, her boyfriend Tyler ended up catapulting towards her thanks to Charlie Kelly. That collision caused Nikki to be knocked off the apron, eliminating her by accident.
JBL: Uh-oh!
Jerry Lawler: Well, that was unfortunate!
JBL: Nikki isn't gonna like that for sure, getting eliminated by her boyfriend that way!
Michael Cole: Well, it was by accident!
18th Eliminated: Nikki Ortiz; Eliminated by: Tyler James (by accident); Duration: 11:33
Nikki was shocked that her boyfriend eliminate her like that, even though it was by accident.
So in response, Nikki ended up responding to him from outside the ring!
Nikki Ortiz: *to Tyler* ¿Qué diablos, Tyler? ¿Estúpido o algo? [1]
Tyler James: *to Nikki* It was a mistake, Nikki! Honestly! Charlie catapulted me onto you!
Jerry Lawler: Looks like there's a whole lot of trouble going on there!
JBL: I don't blame Nikki, it was Tyler's fault that he eliminated her!
Michael Cole: It wasn't his fault that he eliminated her! It was an accident!
JBL: Accidents don't matter! An elimination is an elimination!
Feeling angry, Nikki left Tyler high and dry, leaving Tyler speechless.
Unfortunately, the distraction proved costly for Tyler, as he was hit by a backstabber by Ally Dawson!
Michael Cole: Ouch! The backstabber!
JBL: Just what Tyler deserves for eliminating his own girlfriend.
As Tyler began wrenching his back in pain, Frasier Crane tried to put away Al Bundy and his momentum early in the match with a running powerslam.
Luckily, Al Bundy began to wriggle free out of the move and counter it with a huge Rock Bottom!
Jerry Lawler: Rock Bottom! Rock Bottom!
Michael Cole: Al Bundy's laying the SmackDown.
JBL: Laying down flat like seeing his wife's mother naked in the bathtub!
With Frasier laid flat on the mat, the people all turned to the titantron to see who number 30 would be in this Rumble.
Whoever the next entrant would be inside the curtain, was gonna be in quite a violent battle.
To be continued next chapter...
[1] - "What the hell, Tyler? Are you that stupid or something?"
Wow, I knew this was bound to be crazy. I wonder what'll be number 30, by the way. I'd tell ya, but I'm gonna get to the stats first. Here we go:
Eliminated: Mike Seaver, Peter Brady, Robbie Shapiro, Shelby Marcus, Cliff Huxtable, Carl McMillan, Victoria Flynn, Tim Taylor, Larry Appleton, Alex P. Keaton, Newman, Screech, Richie Cunningham, Oleg, Balki Bartokomous, Cory Matthews, Mr. Belvedere and Nikki Ortiz
Still in the ring: Al Bundy, Ally Dawson, Charlie Kelly, Emma Ross, Frasier Crane, Jack Brewer, Jefferson D'Arcy, Norm Peterson, Red Forman, Tyler James and Xander.
Entrants in the ring: 11
Entrants still left to go: 29
Who will be the first victim of those forbidden thumbtacks?
Will the alliance of Frasier and Norm survive?
Will Tyler survive without his girlfriend to help him?
Will Xander cane another poor sucker just for them trying to hit on Emma?
Is the left Twix better than the right Twix?
Next chapter's gonna be awesome, so don't forget to leave some feedback for me, K? Until next time, this is UltimateWarriorFan4Ever signing off for now! BOO-YAH!