"Sitcom Royal Rumble II"
Rated T for mild language and violence
Summary: 50 superstars from sitcoms past and present battle for 1,000,000 on the line in an all-out battle royal! With old contestants returning alongside brand new faces ready to compete, and two rings to match the total carnage unleashed, who will fight to survive for total victory? A sequel to the first Sitcom Royal Rumble.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with World Wrestling Entertainment, Total Nonstop Action, or sitcoms associated with ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX, Disney, Nickelodeon or TBS. Anyway, I'd figured I'd do this for fun and amusement. So enjoy!
Chapter 10: Boom Goes The Dyn-o-mite!
The pain and carnage continued inside the ring as the clock ticked down to it's next entrant.
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!
Entrant #30: Carlton Banks (The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air)
As the buzzer sounded, a dark skinned preppy wearing multi-colored cardigan and green slacks made his way through the curtain dancing to the beat, Bruce Springsteen-style.
This guy had a tremendous ovation from the crowd, all because the crowd was singing along to Carlton Banks's theme song and Tom Jones classic, "It's Not Unusual".
JBL: Oh no, not this goody two-shoes! Why did it have to be him?!
Michael Cole: Straight out of NBC's hit show, "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air", here comes Carlton Banks!
Jerry Lawler: And he's doing the Carlton Dance! That's great!
JBL: This is just plain retarded, now.
Taking his time walking down the stage, Carlton decided to entertain the crowd by lip-synching the song.
Carlton Banks: It's not unusual to be loved by anyone/It's not unusual to have fun with anyone/But when I see you hanging about with anyone/It's not unusual to see me cry, I wanna die...
The crowd started to get into the song, especially since they started singing along with him! They loved how they were eating up the Carlton Dance from head to toe.
JBL on the other hand, was growing very impatient on him. It's like Carlton would rather dance instead of fight.
JBL: Okay, is this kid trying to be serious?
Jerry Lawler: I think he's having a wonderful time!
JBL: If he was serious, he would quit goofing off and actually prove to himself in the ring!
Some of the contestants inside the ring all took their attention off each other and focused on Carlton himself.
And as Carlton got inside the ring, Al Bundy, Tyler James, Red Forman, Jack Brewer, and Ally Dawson all approached him, looking to beat the crap out of the black preppy. Carlton was immediately scared right away at the 5-on-1 advantage. There was absolutely no way Carlton was gonna out-fight all five people at one time.
JBL: *chuckling* Look what Carlton just got himself into!
Jerry Lawler: This isn't gonna look good for Uncle Phil's son!
Michael Cole: I think it's about to get a lot worse!
Just to avoid a horrible beatdown, Carlton tried foolishly to dance his way in the rumble...
...
...
...only for Red Forman to give Carlton a huge wedgie! It went so far up Carlton's butt, it nearly started to bleed through his slacks!
JBL: *chuckling* Ha! How does it feel now, Carlton?
Michael Cole: He's gonna need some new underwear, that's for sure!
Red then gestured over to the guys and helped him get a tug on Carlton's cardigan.
With no place left to fight back, Carlton was immediately thrown over the top rope and onto the floor, being eliminated to a mixed reacton (most of were mainly laughs).
Jerry Lawler: Oh no! There goes Carlton!
JBL: He definitely ain't gonna be dancing anymore!
19th Eliminated: Carlton Banks; Eliminated by: Al Bundy, Tyler James, Red Forman, Jack Brewer, and Ally Dawson; Duration: 0:23
Carlton was nevertheless angry about his early elimination from the match, which was why he started throwing one huge mega-fit outside the ring.
Due to the time Carl wasted on his dancing, the crowd all turned to the entrance aisle, all awaiting the 31st entrant of the match.
JBL: What a crybaby Carlton is. Anyway number 31's on his way!
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!*
Entrant #31: Coach Hayden Fox (Coach)
While the buzzer sounded nicely, a tall middle-aged man with slicked balding hair came out to perhaps a somewhat standing ovation.
He was dressed in an all-Blue varsity jacket, black jeans and brown shoes. But the 31st entrant may very well be famous for that similar marching band intro used in his sitcom.
Jerry Lawler: All right! Haven't seen this guy in ages!
Michael Cole:Me too! Here comes Coach Hayden Fox from the ABC smash, "Coach"!
JBL:With a guy like him, it definitely takes me back to my college football days down at Abilene Christian!
Michael Cole: Can he add winner of the second annual Sitcom Royal Rumble to his trophy case?
Hayden immediately got inside the ring and cleaned house right away, decking out punches to both Frasier and Norm.
And then he approached Jack Brewer, which he whipped onto the ropes and back again, nailing the karate sensei with a Black Hole Slam!
Michael Cole: Black Hole Slam! My lord, what intensity!
Jerry Lawler: Hayden Fox just spun Jack Brewer like a frickin' washing machine!
Hayden wasn't done with Jack Brewer just yet.
The coach then ascended the middle rope, where he saw Jack lay unconscious on the mat. With his hand forming into a fist, Hayden leaped off the middle rope and nailed Jack with a fist drop.
Michael Cole: Fist drop from the middle rope.
JBL: Hayden's looking pretty unstoppable here!
While Hayden was busy building momentum down at ring #1, Jefferson D'Arcy was busy recovering from a slam pulled off by Xander moments ago.
He saw Emma Ross laying around ringside, along a bed of thumbtacks that was placed around the ring, awaiting a poor sucker's body to go though those tiny pointy nails. Suddenly, Jefferson planted a huge evil smirk across his face. He knew what he wanted to do.
Michael Cole: Oh no, please tell me we're not gonna see this!
JBL: Somebody's about to become a human pincushion!
Jerry Lawler: I can't even watch! Somebody's gotta help her!
Noticing Xander still fighting out against Charlie, Jefferson grabbed Emma and put her into powerbomb position, looking to slam her on top of those thumbtacks.
With great strength, Jefferson tried to lift Emma up, but she managed to hook her knee down to the floor, making it hard for him to lift her up. He tried again, but still no use.
That's when Emma countered Jefferson move by lifting him up...
...
...
...and crashing into the thumbtacks! The pain was so insane and so wild that it threw the fans off their seats and onto their seats in response.
Michael Cole:*shouted* MY LORD! Jefferson been broken in half!
Jerry Lawler: Somebody's better call the EMT's down here quick!
JBL: Jefferson's gonna need a lot of medication for his back, I'm sure!
Jefferson didn't have time to recover or recuperate. Instead he just screamed in agony like everyone, especially when someone would feel those sharp pointy, metal tack around their backs.
Suddenly, Xander managed to let go of Charlie and trying to help out Emma eliminate Jefferson.
With the two camp counselors strength, both Xander and Emma threw Jefferson over the tope onto the floor, eliminating him with a great applause from the hometown crowd in Chicago.
Michael Cole: Jefferson is gone!
Jerry Lawler: No kidding! Somebody get some intensive care for him!
20th Eliminated: Jefferson D'Arcy; Eliminated by: Xander and Emma Ross; Duration: 14:45
While the rest of the medical team went to check on Jefferson D'Arcy from ringside, Red Forman went to work on Frasier Crane, performing chops over the chest. With each chop, people kept responding to 'Wooooo' chants, in honor of the "Nature Boy" Ric Flair.
As Frasier became roughed up enough, Red whipped him to the turnbuckle, only for Frasier to counter-whip him back. After Red hit chest first on the turnbuckle, he turned around, only for Frasier to lift him up and send him back down the same time Norm grabbed Red's neck on the impact!
JBL: 3D! They hit the 3D!
Jerry Lawler: Shades of those Damn Dudleys!
JBL: Except the Dudleys did it way better!
With Red rolling around the ring in serious pain, the clock lit up on the titantron, bringing in the 32nd entrant of the match.
Michael Cole: Who's gonna be the next superstar to enter the Sitcom Royal Rumble match?
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!
Entrant #32: Jimmie "JJ" Walker (Good Times)
Going through the curtain next was a tall, skinny black fellow dressed in a blue kangol hat, a red long sleeve sweater, blue pants and white shoes.
This icon of the 70's was given a huge Chicago welcome to this crowd.
JBL: All right! We're heading into good times now!
Michael Cole: Here comes Jimmie "JJ" Walker from ABC's Good Times!
Jerry Lawler: He's about to light it up like it's Dyn-o-mite!
Upon entering the ring, Charlie Kelly stared down at him as he winded up his arm, hoping for an early elimination.
As JJ got into the ring, Charlie rushed right at him with a clothesline, only for JJ to quickly lower the ropes. The momentum sent Charlie Kelly over the ropes and onto the floor, eliminating him to a surprise ovation!
Michael Cole: MY LORD!
JBL: I can't believe this! JJ eliminated the psycho!
Jerry Lawler: It's not looking sunny for Charlie anymore! He's gone!
21st Eliminated: Charlie Kelly; Eliminated by: Jimmie "JJ" Walker; Duration: 27:05
Charlie was shocked that he was sent home, thanks to JJ.
However, he wasn't leaving to the back. Furiously, he threw a fit outside the ring, kicking the steel steps in frustration.
Jerry Lawler: Talk about a sore sport.
JBL: That maniac deserves what he got. He's nothing but a full menace to society!
However, Charlie suddenly overheard JBL calling him a maniac and a menace. This set something inside of him off for good.
In retaliation, Charlie rushed right over to the announcer's table and jumped over JBL, punching him furiously like a total madman.
Jerry Lawler: What the-? What the hell's going on here?!
Michael Cole: Somebody get some help around here! Charlie's going nuts!
Jerry Lawler: *to Michael* Hang on to your headset, Cole!
One by one, Charlie kept slamming his fist all over JBL's face, not getting the so-called Wrestling God a chance to fight back.
This display forced the competitors inside the ring to stop and look what was going on outside. One of them would have gone outside the ring and get Charlie off of Cole, but regarding Charlie's vicious pit-bull demeanor, staying in the ring was a better choice.
However, while they weren't looking, JJ took the opportunity and snuck behind Jack Brewer, who got tossed over the ropes and onto the floor.
22nd Eliminated: Jack Brewer; Eliminated by: Jimmie "JJ' Walker; Duration: 8:36
Michael Cole: Jack Brewer just got eliminated, but the real story going on is the real display before us.
Jerry Lawler: Seriously, is no one gonna get this madman off of JBL?!
Finally, a team of security rushed right in and managed to get Charlie off of the former WWE Champion. The crowd went ecstatic for this, chanting out Charlie's name over and over again.
While he was being held back by Security, he had interesting choice of words for the 'Wrestling God'.
Charlie Kelly: *to JBL* F**k you and your stupid cowboy hat! I think Ralph Wiggum was a better singer, ya f**ktard!
Michael Cole: *to JBL* JBL, are you okay?!
Jerry Lawler: Oh man, that was insane.
While both Michael and the King were busy checking on JBL, the Rumble clock lit up yet again, bringing another entrant of the match.
Michael Cole: Anyway, who got number 33?
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!
Entrant #33: Carl Winslow (Family Matters)
As the buzzer sounded, a overweight black cop made his way through the curtain to a huge hometown ovation from the crowd.
He felt appreciated by the support from the Chicago faithful. He was representing the entire boys in the Chicago Police Department, which happened to be at ringside to support Carl Winslow.
Michael Cole: Here comes another returning favorite from the last Sitcom Royal Rumble! It's Carl Winslow from Family Matters!
Jerry Lawler: Of course with Al Bundy in the ring, there's no doubt that's the guy Carl's going after!
As Carl entered the ring, he went face-to-face with Al Bundy.
The energy between them was so big, it was enough to blow the roof off the United Center. Chants of 'Let's Go, Carl' and 'Let's go, Bundy' went back to back between the two. It was like Rock vs. Hogan, or Michaels vs. Hart, or perhaps Cena vs. Rock itself. Someone was fixing to go down due to the first punch either man could give.
Jerry Lawler: Check this out!
Michael Cole: You can feel the tension cutting through a knife, that's for sure!
Jerry Lawler: It's getting so loud, my ears are this close to bleeding!
Carl Winslow: *to Al* You ain't man enough to go against me!
Al Bundy: *to Carl* What are you, my wife?
With the staredown boiling underway, both Al and Carl started pummeling one another, which drove the Chicago crowd insane.
At first, Al had the momentum going with punches to Carl's big gut, but the policeman managed to toss Al right to the turnbuckle, responding to huge big shoulder thrusts. This was growing so intense and personal between the two.
Jerry Lawler: I'm on the edge of my seat for this one!
Michael Cole: It's like a battle of wild bulls! And it looks like the shoeman's feeling the wrath of Carl!
While Al and Carl were busy having their war, JBL finally started coming alive at the announcer's table.
Shaking a few nerves off, he spoke to his commentary partners.
JBL: Ugh, what the hell happened here...?
Michael Cole: *to JBL* JBL, are you alright?!
JBL: *shouting* What the hell was wrong with that freak?!
Jerry Lawler: *to JBL* Well, you should've never pissed Charlie off in the first place if you didn't call him names!
JBL: *to Cole and King* Well, I didn't know he was gonna come over here and do that to me! Somebody oughta send Charlie to the Arkham Asylum!
As JBL was still recovering from the beatdown caused by Charlie Kelly, Tyler was busy unloading punches to Xander down at the upper right turnbuckle.
However, Hayden snuck up from behind and caught Tyler in a Reverse Death Valley position.
Jerry Lawler: Uh-oh! Bad place, wrong time, Tyler!
JBL: I definitely wouldn't want to be Tyler, that's for sure!
Holding Tyler up on his shoulders, Ally tried to stop Hayden.
But all Ally got was a big boot to the face. With the ladykiller on his shoulders, Hayden flipped Tyler over and slammed him with a Burning Hammer!
Michael Cole: A thunderous Burning Hammer!
Jerry Lawler: Hayden is feeling on fire here tonight!
JBL: We might have ourselves a new Rumble favorite here!
As Tyler became slumped on the mat, both Emma and Xander were busy trying to get Red Forman out, considering he was in the ring for a very long time.
And as JJ was trying to withstand a 2-on-1 encounter with Frasier and Norm, the clock played over the titantron. The people in Chicago all turned to the stage, awaiting entrant number 34 in the match.
Jerry Lawler: We've got number 34 coming up! Who's coming now?
To be continued next chapter...
Hmmm, who shall it be, indeed? Before you can answer that simple question, let's see some stats now, shall we?
Eliminated: Mike Seaver, Peter Brady, Robbie Shapiro, Shelby Marcus, Cliff Huxtable, Carl McMillan, Victoria Flynn, Tim Taylor, Larry Appleton, Alex P. Keaton, Newman, Screech, Richie Cunningham, Oleg, Balki Bartokomous, Cory Matthews, Mr. Belvedere, Nikki Ortiz, Carlton Banks, Jefferson D'Arcy, Charlie Kelly and Jack Brewer
Still in the ring: Al Bundy, Ally Dawson, Carl Winslow, Emma Ross, Frasier Crane, Hayden Fox, Jimmie "JJ" Walker, Norm Peterson, Red Forman, Tyler James and Xander.
Entrants in the ring: 12
Entrants still left to go: 33
Will Coach Hayden Fox keep this momentum going?
Will Al and Carl's rivalry get them to the end?
Is Jefferson really a human pincushion?
Is the sky really blue? Why in the hell should I know!
Next chapter will be off the hook for sure, so feedbacks are welcome? Until next time, this is UltimateWarriorFan4Ever signing off for now! BA-FRICKIN-ZINGA!