Picking Fights

I opened my eyes suddenly like a switch, awakening with a huge gasping cough. It was like I had sawdust in my lungs that I needed to free so I could breathe. I took several before I finally felt capable of registering anything else, mind suddenly remembering the situation I was currently in. And that Coulson was sitting right across from me about six feet away, tied down very effectively to chair and staring at me with a deep amount of concern.

I tried to get up and free him, only to realize I wasn't moving a muscle. Sensation started to come back to me as I saw that I was in a chair myself with ropes snaking this way and that to restrain me to it. My legs were tied together and then to one of the legs and my arms were each tied to an arm with my palms up. Coulson had his behind his back, but mine were up so my sweater- the crusty sweater I was going to burn after this- could be pulled down and my tattoo exposed.

My head went back to Coulson as I curled my fingers, thankful whatever solution they had used on me seemed to have worn off. I hadn't liked not being in control of my own body in the slightest. I then noticed our surrounding, a small room about the size of our living room on the Bus with no light sources except a window that was behind me from the slants of light and what seemed to be a giant glowing machine with screens on each side. It had a piece that extended over a table where it looked someone lay, blue lights blinking down upon it. It was like something out of a science fiction movie and instantly my breath sped up a bit. I did a quick check on the rest of the room, seeing that we looked to be alone for now. There was only one exit and Jesus! I nearly leaped out of my skin at the sight of a creepy frozen plastic child standing by one of the walls.

"I did that the first time I saw it too," Coulson finally spoke up, trying to sound as if we both hadn't been kidnapped by the literal creepiest girl I had ever met. He had a bruise on the side of his head

I turned back to him, trying to force the ropes to have some give though it seemed like a shot in this very cramped dark. "How long was I out?"

"Three of four hours since we landed," he offered. I froze. It had already been that long? The team had been so optimistic they could get me back within the hour when they had been planning this. "Obviously, our means of escape made things more difficult for them. But they will come."

I was starting to give my arms rope burn, but I continued to twist wildly. I knew the team would stop at nothing, but I needed to make sure I could help them in any way I could. And that meant getting out of here. But wait. "Where are we?"

"I unfortunately don't know. They covered my eyes before they landed and dragged me in." We both glanced at the mannequin in the corner again. "Wherever it is, it appears deserted. There hasn't been the sound of anyone since we arrived other than our captors. Even if we did escape, I don't know if there would be anywhere to run."

I finally gave up on the ropes, settling a bit. It looked like we were staying put for now. "Where's Crazy Raina?"

His look became dark. "She hasn't been back in since they restrained the both of us. Her words were that she wanted both of us to be up so we could support the other."

"She wants us to see what they do to the other," I rephrased in the more appropriate context. "She's hoping to break one of us when they go after the other." His jaw was flexing now and every part of him seemed to get a little tenser at what was about to happen. I tried to reassure him. "Sir, I know I do not have the training that you do for these types of situations. And I'm not going to lie, it's going to be near impossible to watch them hurt you." I knitted my eyebrows together in determination. "But I am not giving them a damn thing no matter what. I know I need to be an Agent right now. So I will be an Agent and follow protocol. I won't be a weak link you have to worry about."

He let out a long sigh. "It's not you being the weak link I'm worried about." I let those words sink in a moment and realized he was speaking of himself. My eyes went to his forehead again.

"How did you get the bruise, sir?" He didn't answer and he didn't have to. "Sir, with all respect, if I'm not doing stupid things for you than you're not allowed to do stupid things for me. We both have to hold on until the team gets here. We have to hold on."

"They said you would be going first… and it made me in her words 'a bit uncooperative'." I went to say something, but it was in that moment that the satin of Raina's dress behind Coulson caught my eye. She walked into the room with the slow click of her heels, the towering giant of Edison Po coming in behind her.

"Well, look who rested up enough to come back to us," she smiled, resting a hand on the back of the chair. "We've been quite patient waiting for you to wake up. You see, we believe that around here… the ladies should go first." She turned to look at Po before turning back to give me that piercing stare of hers. "Plus, we're very excited to learn what the future will be like."

I smirked, refusing to break eye contact. "I'm afraid I won't be able to help you there." My voice was like stone, completely free of any inflection- challenging. "Because I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about."

She almost seemed delighted that I was picking this route, taking a grand step back so Po could step towards me. "We'll just see about that." And with that she became obscured from view. Everything became obscured from view by Po's hulking figure. I tried to force my heart from racing, but it only went so far as he tipped the chair back so my feet were dangling off the floor.

"You don't look like you're from the future." The way he spoke was slow, calculated. It was almost as if it was designed to intimidate and unfortunately it was working. I could feel my dry mouth dry up even more as I let out a shuddering breath. But I refused to be bullied.

"That's because I'm not."

Crack! My head snapped to the side as he stuck me with the back his hand, eyes rolling back into my head at the sheer force of it. My cheek felt like it was on fire as I turned back to him, doing my best to look as if I hadn't been rattled in the slightest. "Hitting me isn't going to change the truth." I narrowed my eyes. "Is this all you expect from and Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.?"

"Ah, but I'm not talking to an Agent am I?" he smirked, hand going to my neck and lifting me off the ground completely. My face was now inches from his as I struggled to breathe, feet swinging in an attempt to land a hit anywhere I could. "I'm talking to merely a girl. A girl who found herself in this time under the protection of the safest organization she could when she landed in the Director's office. A girl who pretended so she could save people. A brave girl, but still just a girl."

How the hell did he know this? Because this wasn't shots in the dark. These were specific details. How did they know anything about me? Fury had kept me so tightly under wraps for this very reason I'm sure, and he wasn't the type to let things slip through the cracks like this.

He set me down then and my shoes tapped the floor like they never wanted to leave it again. I took a couple of quick breaths so the room stopped spinning. But I kept my mouth firmly shut. I wasn't giving him anymore openings to try to scare me with his knowledge again. He couldn't catch me with my guard down if I refused to give him even an inch. I moved my gaze from staring at him to a point on the wall with a turn of my head, focusing on it with all my might and tuning out burn of my cheek or the pounding of my heart. I focused on what May had taught me and blocked everything but that spot on the wall out.

His hand went around my neck again, but I tried to block it out. It was right on my pulse point, meaning he could hear my heart. "I could kill you without any effort." His hand then pulled away and he paced around me, sending a jolt up my spine as he removed my hair from its ponytail and let it fall around my face in limp, dirty strands. I fought the urge to vomit as he ran a hand through the back of it, hearing the sound of Coulson struggling in his chair. He pulled it back sharply, causing me to stare at the dark, white ceiling. My breathing got harsher as I felt cold metal against my cheek, instantly knowing it was a blade of some sort. But I kept looking straight ahead, even as the hand with the blade ran its way down my side before returning back to my face. "I could do what men have been doing to girls for centuries." I felt my stomach pitch but I didn't move a muscle. I didn't even dare blink.

Finally, after a tense minute that seemed like an eternity, he released me hair and pulled the knife away with a solid swipe. The blood started dripping down my cheek instantly, but there was nothing I could do about that. "But that is not who I am. I am much more… sophisticated." He turned to Raina now. "I think we should get them some water. They must be quite thirsty." The two of them started out, feet creaking on the floorboards. "Then we can continue."

I waited a solid minute after they were gone before I dare breathe and look away from the wall, eyes going right to an almost frantic Coulson. It was incredibly macabre, but I forced a smile. "Well, that wasn't bad for a first round."

He didn't seem to enjoy my attempt at humor. He was now working on his restraints, hands shuffling behind his back. "We need to get out of here."

"Sir, you're the one who said we most likely won't make it very far," I reminded him, almost surprised at how calm my voice sounded.

"Well, anywhere would be better than here with them."

"We just need to give them a few more hours." I took a deep breath, noticing the blood had now dripped down onto my sweater. It was getting super burned now. "In a few hours they will be here and this will all be over. I can hold on a few more hours… and so can you."

He paused, thinking something over. "If it gets to be too much- "

"It won't sir."

"If it gets to be too much," he overrode my insistence, "Then you tell them the truth. You are from the future but you have no memories of it. The information will still be useless to them- there's nothing they can do with that."

"But it will be confirming that whoever they're getting their information from was right. And I'm not going to give them the satisfaction of think they're on the right track." I heard a creak and we both froze, only for nothing to happen. It must have been the building itself. The place seemed like it was ready to fall apart at the slightest touch. "How did he know all that about me, sir?"

"I don't know. I worry Centipede is better stocked in information than we comprehended." He was going to say more, but in that moment Po and Raina reentered the room. He was carrying a bucket in one hand and a small folding table that must have been in another room. He propped the table in front of me before setting the bucket upon it so I could see the murky blackness of sloshing water right below me.

Just as I realized what was happening, he was shoving my head forward until it was under the freezing water. I instantly tried to snap it back up, eyes squeezed shut, but his hand held me firmly in place despite my wiggling and squirming under his grasp. Just as I was running out of air he released me and I sat back up with a gasp. Water dripped down my face, hair now clinging to the sides and front of my face haphazardly.

"Screw you," I spat with venom. And then I was under again, this time until my lungs were burning. I could hear Coulson shouting from his side of the room, but they were clearly ignored by our captors. I could barely inhale when I was shoved under again. This time though seemed like an eternity as I tried to keep as still as possible. I knew struggling would be pointless and only egg Po. Finally, my instincts overrode my brain and I took a deep gulp in, inhaling nothing but water. It was now I was finally released, coughing and hacking fiercely as my vision swam before me. I swore I was going to pass out for a moment. My lungs were practically screaming, desperately trying to purge themselves of water. God, this was awful. I couldn't- I couldn't do that again. I couldn't. Please don't put me back in there.

But then my head was being twisted so I was looking at Po, bruise on my cheek stinging and he squeezed my face tightly and forced my blinking eyes to meet his. "Well, girl, how about now? Are we feeling more agreeable? Or do we need some more?"

No. No, I really didn't. I honestly was hitting the point where I just wanted to curl up and cry. A small part of my brain was requesting that I stop fighting, that I at least give my body some relief. My lungs couldn't handle it anymore. The voice was growing louder with each passing second, to the point I almost started to shake my head and open my mouth.

But then I remembered the team. I pictured each and every single one of them in a quick flash, remembering what the tattoo on my wrist said though I couldn't look at it. I thought of Fitz and how much he was counting on me to pull through. I thought of Skye and how she needed me to help he solve the mystery of her past. I thought of Coulson across the way and how if I gave in they were just going to move on to him. If there was anything I could always fall back on it was my protective instincts. And now I was handing them the steering wheel to this mess so they could guide and drive me. It would have barely been a few hours I held out. I knew I could do better than that. I knew I had to do better than that.

So I turned back to silently facing the wall I had before, refusing to say anything. The only sounds were beads of water dripping off my hair and hitting the wooden floor. It filled the room as everyone waited, including myself, for what the next move would be. But Po could dunk me in that cold water until I passed out. I was not betraying anyone or anything for this man. At this moment, losing a battle was okay if we won the war.

I heard the knife before I saw it. I tried not to flinch at the sound, but a shudder ran through my whole body. "Perhaps I'm not making myself clear enough." His free hand held my arm down and the knife hovered over my tattoo. "This is your last chance to explain what this means, girl." I just kept staring straight, eyes meeting Coulson and using him to anchor me in the moment. He was clearly trying to keep his feelings buried for my sake, and it actually helped in my remaining neutral as well.

Honestly, all I wanted right now was Cheesetauri at my side, squeaking from his little ball on my hip. I felt like I could be much braver with him. But I was also glad he was nowhere near this sociopath- safe with Fitz somewhere far away from here. Maybe never coming far away- stop. I had to stay positive. They just needed a bit more time. They would be here. The seconds ticked by into minutes and finally Po had enough. "Then I guess there's no reason why this is here then."

I felt the knife go into my right wrist and bit my lip hard to force back the scream. It wasn't a deep, plunging cut at all, but hell did I still feel it even if it was just breaking the skin. And he kept going, moving the knife around my skin in what seemed to be a circular motion. My lip was now bleeding and the pain was like fire spreading up my arm. I tried to rock the chair and get away, but he held me steady like an anchor. Coulson was trying to fight his bonds as well, shouting things I didn't have the energy to focus on. Because I could feel the blood now, warm and sticky moving around my arm. He kept going and the pain only increased until all I could see was red.

I couldn't hold it in any longer and started screaming. I couldn't bear it anymore, cries of agony pouring out from my very soul. I was completely drained and used every last bit of energy in my cries, bouncing them off the walls of the empty room with tears in my eyes. "I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!" came ripping out between my cries. Coulson was white now, almost petrified by this exhibit. My nerve endings were absolutely on fire, making it all unbearable. I had never felt pain like this before. "I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!" I shouted again, begging and pleading for this to end. Still Po kept doing whatever he was doing and I clenched my eyes together so tight after a flash of red that I saw bright spots of light. "I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! I DON'T KNOW… ANYTHING!"

And then it was all too much, every sensation and thought. I was almost glad when it all went black.

XXX

I heard the sounds of screaming first, but they weren't my own judging on how raw my throat felt. It was enough to give me a jump start though as I forced my eyes open in record time and tried to blink until the room was no longer swimming before me. The first thing I recognized was the empty chair in front of me, and I quickly turned to find the source of the cries.

It was Coulson. He was sprawled out on the bed of that weird machine, blue light shining down onto the crown of his head. He had been stripped of his suit jacket and now merely lay there in his white shirt, bottom corner ripped apart and missing a strip. He let out another cry of pain that split my heart in two. I had caused this. I hadn't been strong enough. I tried to move, to run over and save him somehow, but of course I was still bound to this chair with no signs of getting free anytime soon. I tried to shout out to Coulson- to let him know I was here, but my voice cracked immediately.

I then remembered what had caused my previous screams and the burning returned almost instantly. I looked down at my right wrist, seeing it had been wrapped tightly with many layers of white fabric. The missing piece of Coulson's shirt. Patches of copper were on the edge of my sweater sleeve, along with a small puddle that had dried on the floor. It looked like I had lost quite a bit and took a moment to be thankful I hadn't bled out. It still burned horribly, but the sensation of the knife and the blood dripping had thankfully been removed. It somehow made it slightly more tolerable, enough so that I could focus back on Coulson.

The screaming had stopped now, causing a quiet to come over this desolate room. Raina had vanished and one of what I guessed was a Centipede soldier had taken her place. He was poised silently in the corner, observing. Po was in a chair of his own, a large plush one with a drink in his hand. He hadn't seemed to notice me yet, and if he did he showed no signs of interest. It was clearly Coulson's turn now.

Po nodded at the soldier, who took a few steps forward and held something under Coulson's nose that jolted him awake. "It seems you passed out," he stated to my leader simply. I twisted in my binds, but the pain in my wrist soon made it too much as the rope rubbed against it. "Now maybe you're ready to share what memories you're seeing."

Memories? That machine… it showed you your memories? Coulson took a few deep breaths before answering. "I saw… Jordan… hitting that game-winner over Russell in the '98 finals." He somehow smiled, and I was glad to see he was still just as defiant as I had hoped. "So clutch."

"Agent Coulson, we're gonna turn the machine back on and open your mind." What the hell did this machine do? "It's time to stop fighting it. If you don't, you won't survive the process."

"I'll let you kill me before I give you anything." Yes. Go Coulson. "Seem you have a taste for that anyway… murdered Mike Peterson in front of his own son."

Mike. Oh, Mike. He must have gone back for us. I remembered the heat of an explosion and felt tears come to my eyes at the thought of Mike within them. But unfortunately I couldn't mourn him now or beat myself up for my failure to keep his family together. Right now I had keep Coulson and I going- keep us alive. And that meant going back on what I had told my boss. I was going to say something stupid to protect him.

"Mr. Peterson chose that end," Po said fiercely, rising from his chair to stand over Coulson. I worked my voice up, trying to get enough strength to at least get one sentence out. "We gave him his life and his child unscathed." He paused before continuing, look going from anger to almost glee. A sadistic glee. "You're just upset because that man's death hit so close to home- seeing a boy lose his father at such a young age. A defining moment." Okay, this was getting scary now. There was no way Po could know something like that- something I was pretty sure no one but Fury and Hill probably knew. It was too personal. "The Clairvoyant saw that."

Coulson seemed to have a better response than I did. "I hate to break it to you, but your telepathic friend is a fraud. Otherwise, he'd know all these answers, and I wouldn't be here."

Po began pacing now, contemplative. "It's true… this is strange. My friend can see that you died. You went cold. Your heart was torn to pieces. What the Clairvoyant can't see is what happened after… how they brought you back from the dead."

"He also couldn't see… how hard we're going… to kick your ass!" I seized my moment, earning the attention of the whole room. Po whirled in an instant, dark eyes burrowing holes into me. Coulson tried to pick his head up, but he couldn't quite get high enough to see me.

"Take him away," he nodded towards Coulson. "Let him get some rest. We will return to him later." My plan had worked. The attention was back on me now and Coulson could gather some of his strength back up before they came at him again.

"No. No. No," Coulson disagreed as Po focused in on me. He could barely put up a fight as the one soldier carried him out of the room. "Worry about me. I have more to give you." I couldn't help but wince at his words- I hadn't quite wanted that. I also would have preferred him to stay within my eyesight, but I get the feeling what I wanted didn't matter. I didn't have much time to argue that as Po approached me.

"You are stronger than I give you credit for, Ashleigh Crawford." He stepped behind me again, blocking the light from the window. "When the Clairvoyant told me your story, of the girl pretending, I expected this to be simple. But you have quite the head on your shoulders."

"Thanks for the compliment," I gritted out. This was leading somewhere, and I don't think I was going to like it. He put a hand on my wrapped wrist, causing me to grit my teeth at the pain that erupted, looking upward for a second.

"And I think I have figured out how." He reached behind me, eyes completely focused in on mine in a way that betrayed how absolutely insane he was. "It's a few simple words really. Words about protection. Words that give direction. Words you can always fall back on." And then he pulled his hand back to hold something in front of me. It was just a tan blur at first, and I was unable to register what it was. "But what will you become without them?"

And then I registered what it was I was looking at as I noticed the writing.

Find Coulson's Team. You Need to Save Him.

My entire stomach pitched violently and I found myself leaning forward and getting sick all over my sneakers despite having next to nothing in my stomach. Now I would have to burn those with the sweater. Honestly, I was probably burning this whole outfit now. I wanted to get as far from this day as possible. Po was chuckling as I finished, but I just remained curled up in pure shock. I didn't want to look at it again.

Because he had my tattoo. God, I wanted to throw up again just thinking about it. But he literally held my tattoo in his hand. What he had been holding was my skin. He had literally cut my tattoo off.

I couldn't fight the bile as I threw up once again, foul taste in my mouth and chest heaving as I tried to keep breathing. The bastard had literally removed my tattoo. He had just robbed me of it while I passed out and suffered in agony. The pain in my wrist almost heightened as I realized everything was exposed under there without skin. It was probably infected at this point. I… I almost felt violated. Like something had been done that made me feel rotten to my very core- like I wanted to just curl up and vanish. The fight was gone. Terror at the situation filled me as I kept my head down, tears coming to my eyes.

But no. I couldn't do that. Because Po was still right in front of me, holding the one piece of me that I had. The thing that had been with me when I arrived in Fury's office. The only piece of who I once was, the only thing Past Ashleigh had left me.

He patted my head and I didn't have the energy to flinch. I just took it, trying to keep from screaming like I was doing inside my soul. He seemed to realize the damage he had done and exited the room soon after. But I knew he'd be back soon. He expected me broken now, and I don't know if I had much room to argue that. I just stared at the ground, image of those words smeared in my blood as he held it up like some sort of trophy. The monster.

"Crawford," Coulson's voice snapped me out of my thoughts. I looked up to see he was kneeling in front of me, untying the ropes that held my left hand. "We don't have much time."

I tried to speak, but I couldn't say anything. I literally couldn't force my lips to make words. I almost had the sensation that everything was off balance- that the world was turning but I was stuck right where I was.

"Crawford. Crawford. Ashleigh," a hand cupped my cheek gently. I looked into Coulson's eyes, pain meeting my own.

"I-I threw up on my shoes," I whispered. He ran a thumb over the cut on my cheek.

"That's okay. I'll buy you a new pair as soon as we're on the Bus." He moved to my right arm, being quick and delicate over my injury. "As soon as you're free, we're running. As far as it takes."

"You should just go," I finally returned to a bit of my right frame of mind. What was he doing here? Surely they would find out he escaped soon enough? This place didn't look very big. He was wasting time here.

"Both of us are getting out of here," he replied solemnly. It was a command. "I am not letting you spend another moment here." Both of my hands were free now and he went to my feet as my left hand grasped my right. He noticed the gesture and frowned. "I'm sorry. I-I tried to stop him."

"I-I just…" There were no words. There was nothing I could say to convey everything I was feeling right now. No way to convey it to him. How big a piece of me I had lost? The emptiness I was feeling over some words being removed from my skin. How adrift I felt in my own body. I started crying. "I want to go home."

He finished the last knot and helped me to my feet, pulling me into a hug I desperately needed before pulling back to look at me. "I know. I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that happened to you. But just… just stay strong until we're out of here. I need you with me. Right at my back. Can you do that?"

I forced a nod even though I wasn't sure. He turned, one arm wrapped around me after I nearly fell to my knees, and we quickly exited the room. I barely had the strength to walk, so he was basically dragging the two of us without complaint, kicking the door down and leading both of us into the sunlight. It instantly illuminated how awful he looked, blood and bruises all over his head.

But we came to a halt on the steps of the porch, both of us reeling. It-it was a town. We were in a house of some sort of town with desert on every side as far as the eye could see. Nowhere it looked like we could run to get out of this place. There were more mannequins everywhere in various states- adults walking, children playing. Like a town frozen in the past. It was like something out of a nightmare really and despite closing and opening my eyes I wasn't waking up.

"The town that the bomb forgot." We both whirled to see Po leaning against the side of the house, casually eating an ice cream cone. My stomach growled and I couldn't help but envy him. "It was built in the '40s for nuclear testing, but when the Cold War ended the town was spared."

Coulson pushed me behind him and I fell into one of the railings. "Not exactly prime real estate," he shot at our captor.

"Mm, true." He stepped out to overlook the place. "There's nothing but desert for hundreds of miles." We were screwed. We weren't going anywhere. How was the team supposed to find us in this?

How was Fitz supposed to find me? And did I even want him to at this point I wondered as I looked my sorry state over. It was then I noticed something, lifting my shirt to see a line had been cut in my skin and then sewn back together. With everything else I hadn't noticed it.

What the hell had they done to me? I dropped my shirt back over it like it had burned me.

"But I like it," Po continued before I could properly process. "It's nice here. The children are always playing- "

"Coulson!" I shouted as I spotted the Centipede soldier exit the house, but it was too late. Soon he was hoisted off his feet, groaning as he dangled in the air. "Coulson!" I rushed the guy with everything I had, but merely ended up bouncing off him and rolling down the stairs into the dirt.

"-Yet never make a sound. Shall we get back to it, then?" he asked, dropping his ice cream over the railing as I forced myself up. Another soldier quickly scooped me up and we were both escorted back into the house, myself being bound to the chair more thoroughly, back tied against it as well now, while Coulson was put back on the table. Po nodded at the soldier, who pulled out a metal shaft with blue electricity glowing from one end. He abruptly stuck it into Coulson's side, making the man cry out.

"Stop!" I shouted, trying to shimmy free. "Stop! Leave him alone!"

The shocks came to a stop and Coulson panted loudly. "S.H.I.E.L.D. is going to find us before you break us." Glad he had confidence in that. I feared mine was waning.

"S.H.I.E.L.D.?" Po scoffed. "Well, the Clairvoyant see an end to all that." He nodded towards me and all of a sudden the electricity was being jabbed into my side. I tried to kick wildly, but legs were held tight as I let out a grunt. Somehow it hurt less than the wrist. Maybe I was just becoming numb to pain at this point. But still it kept going.

"They don't look good," Raina stepped into the room. The soldier stopped and I spat the blood from my mouth to the already decorated floor. Then I put my head back, silently sobbing. I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't hurt anymore. It was too much.

They weren't going to find us. I glanced down at where my tattoo had been before it was so cruelly ripped from me.

I kind of wished I was dead.

"Raina, what took you so long?" Po greeted our new guest. I barely listened, but instinct in training kept me registering and processing what they were saying despite myself.

"I was tending to our other subject."

"The persuasion skills I've spoken to the Clairvoyant so much about would be better served here with me, breaking these two."

"I would never use force to bend these two to my will."

"They're difficult."

"They're being beaten. Look at her. She's dead to the world right now."

"Into submission. The Clairvoyant requested it and will tell me to…" There was a vibrating and I pulled myself back in as Po answered the phone. "See?" So it must be this Clairvoyant we've heard so much about. "Yes? No." He seemed to get defensive. "Well, I've only just begun. My methods are sound. I assure you… Right here. Yes." He moved the phone to his chest. "The Clairvoyant would like to speak to you."

Raina was almost beaming as she took it. This seemed to be a big moment for her. "This is Raina. Yes. I agree. Thank you. I'll put him back on."

She handed the phone back over to a clearly anxious Po. It almost brought a smile to my face. "Yes, I'm here." And then there was a horrible buzzing as the phone somehow seemed to latch onto Po as he made incoherent noises he probably had drawn from many victims. And then he fell to the floor with a thud, leaving a smiling Raina standing with the phone in her hand with Po on the ground. I somehow just knew he was dead without confirmation from anyone.

Raina immediately took control of the situation, moving Coulson back to his chair and having one of the Centipede soldiers untie me from mine as she vanished. Coulson and I nervously regarded one another as she entered a minute later with two glasses of water.

"This is turning into an interesting day, isn't it?" she stated casually as she handed us each one. I wanted to throw it at her, but my practical side won out and I drank greedily. My eyes kept going over to Po's form on the floor. My tormenter was dead. But I had no clue what was going to happen to us now, because Raina sure wasn't letting us walk out that door either.

"So, you're our friend now?" Coulson questioned harshly. "Cause I've seen what you do to your 'friends'."

"Mr. Po?" Raina scoffed.

"Gee, who the hell else could we be talking about?" I added with bile as I finished my water, dropping the glass so it broke all over the floor.

"He was a murderer incapable of remorse."

"Actually, I was thinking of Mike Peterson, Chan Ho Yin." Oh. Looks like I had gotten ahead of myself.

"I gave them what they asked for," Raina disagreed. "Mike wanted to be a hero to his son. Now he is."

"Did he also want to be dead?" I fired back, fire burning within me once again. "Did Akela Amador want a bomb in her eye?"

"The people you work for are just as capable of using cruel means to reach a justified end."

"Not the ones I work for," I sniped back. Without Po hanging over me I felt some some feeling returning into my bones. Raina I could handle. "And who exactly do you work for? This ominous Clairvoyant we hear so much about around here?"

"Yes," she nodded.

"Who is he?" Coulson asked.

"I don't know. Today was the first time I personally made contact." She took a deep breath, smiling fondly. "My heart's still racing."

"But you build soldiers for him?" I quirked an eyebrow.

"The Clairvoyant gives us guidance, formulas."

"For what?"

Raina turned to Coulson now. "For the changing world, the world your organization brought upon us. We're new to the business of what you've been doing for decades. And in the future as well." I didn't take the bait.

"So now what?" Coulson returned attention to himself. "You have soldiers."

"You can make them strong," I continued, on the same wavelength. She looked back and forth between us.

"You can control them."

"And you can kill them," I finished. "Like you did to Hayward."

"Yes, but we can't bring them back to life," she explained. "Nor can we prepare them for what it coming by learning from someone who knows."

"I'm not from the future," I ground out, teeth clenched.

"Then how do you explain the blood types? The two male parents? Because we looked when you got here, Ashleigh Crawford, and there isn't a device inside you that can do that. Nothing from this time of the future that confuses those tests. You're perfectly normal."

My mind went to the cut in my side. "You son of a bitch. You cut me open."

"I looked you over before officially turning you over to Po," she admitted. "It's funny how the theory you've accepted as truth didn't work out, isn't it? Maybe that's why you were so desperate not to look." She leaned my way. "Because it just solidifies how out of time you are- and how different you are than anyone else."

Maybe it did. Maybe I was reeling from how much of a future freak of nature I seemed to be and how this opened up more questions about a past I had no clue about. Maybe today had been all too much and I felt like my brain was going to explode from the pain and exhaustion and confusion.

I wasn't giving Raina any of that though.

Because I needed to tell Fitz what I had learned when he got here. I needed to freak out with my best friend who cared about me rather than this woman faking empathy. I needed to keep fighting. It was like getting a second wind as I narrowed my eyes at her. "Or S.H.I.E.L.D. has a really sucky lab division. I don't know what it is with you crazies and your future theory. Trust me, I would have known if I was."

"Then how do you explain the tattoo?"

"I would tell you if I still had it," I said with as much venom I could muster. I wasn't letting Centipede get away with that one in my lifetime. I would burn this town to the ground first.

Raina seemed to sense that, turning back to Coulson. "As for you, you were killed. Now you're here. We want to know how. Don't you?" He didn't answer and that kind of scared me.

"I don't," I piped in. She did her best to ignore me, blocking me with her flower-draped form.

"I'd like to turn the machine on again. It induces theta brain-wave frequencies to help uncover the secrets buried in the subconscious." I find myself thinking back on Fitz's metaphor- this was the key to the door. This would open everything. "If you cooperate, you can surf those waves."

"I've gone surfing," Coulson disagreed. "That is definitely not like surfing."

"The you shouldn't do it again." Raina gave me a look this time. "Just offering my humble opinion over here. Free country."

"You've been resisting. Fight the waves and you'll drown. You brain will cook. You'll stop breathing… again."

"Then that's what it'll be… or I hold out until my team comes to find me." They will. They had to be close. I knew it. I just had to keep believing in them. "Either way, you will not get classified intel from me. Or I think from my team member for that matter."

I shrugged. "Don't have any to give."

"I'm not interested in those secrets. The Clairvoyant can see within any agency, any government. He knows what the President dreams about at night." Okay, she was kind of getting creepy now. I was starting to get intimidated again, but I pushed it back. I needed to keep lashing out as long as she wasn't restraining me in any form. "I want what you want… to uncover a different secret… the secret S.H.I.E.L.D. is keeping from you. You see… you died. And you're clinging to the one thing you have… fond memories of your recovery."

"So, this person you work for told you I died and have gaps in my memory. Ever think your mind reader might just be looking up symptoms online?"

"He believes I'm from the future," I scoffed, rolling my eyes. "Clearly has issues."

"I was also told it keeps you up at night," Raina tried to sway him. "That you crave answers, that you're troubled by the fact then when you asked for answers you were denied. Is that true?"

Coulson rose now, moving towards one of the walls. "I trust the system." Yes, Coulson. Don't let her sway you. Don't let her in your head. I silently cheered from my seat, trying to convey all that as we locked eyes. "They keep secrets for a reason."

Raina persisted, following him. "But why would S.H.I.E.L.D. keep details of your death from you? They're your family… the only family you have since you've lost your mother too."

I could see this hit him hard. "That's enough," I warned, though I had absolutely no way of following through on that threat.

"Now, after all you've sacrificed…"

"Sacrifice is part of the job. I would give my life- "

"You didn't just give your life; you gave up you chance at a normal one. At love." I saw the way he reacted, thinking myself of the cellist he had spoken of. She had gone for the jugular and was now going to cripple him until he got into that contraption. I couldn't let that happen. I tried to think as she continued. "And she did love you, Agent Coulson."

"How could you know that?" he asked, voice small and breaking. Shit. Shit. His eyes broke from mine to look at her.

"Do you miss her? Dinners at the Richmond. Do you miss hearing her play? You didn't even have a chance to say goodbye."

"You did what you needed to," I cut in. "You kept her safe. Just like you always do."

"She cried for days after S.H.I.E.L.D. told her you died," Raina just kept going. Her words landed harder than mine. "They shattered her heart with a lie, and now they're lying to you."

"They're not," I argued over her, desperate to keep Coulson with me.

"I know you don't want to believe it, but you can't tell me nothing makes you doubt, makes you wonder what happened in Tahiti."

"It's a magical place," he said instantly, eyes widening. "I keep saying that."

Raina stepped closer and I knew I had to intervene. She almost had him, but I wasn't about to let that happen. I just hoped my tactic worked as I rose. "I am from the future," I announced, voice clear and earning their attention. "I am from the future, Raina."

She lifted an eyebrow as Coulson seemed to snap out of whatever reverie she had him in. But I had to make sure she couldn't do it again. "But I don't remember any of it. I literally could not tell you anything before I woke up in this time. It's blank." I took a deep breath. "So here's what we're going to do. I climb into that machine- mind completely open and willing- and then I tell you everything."

"Crawford!"

"And why would you do that?"

I shrugged. "Because I want to know. Your speech… I'm tired of the secrets as well. I want to know who I am. And I'll share that to thank you for showing me. I have no loyalty to them. They're just the ones who found me first and then hid my entire history from me. It took you cutting me open to realize it, but it's the truth. So I'm washing my hands of them." Please buy it. Please buy it.

She stood there for a moment before nodding towards the machine. I took a deep breath, staring towards it. "Crawford!" Coulson shouted again, only for a Centipede soldier to restrain him. "Crawford, you can't do this! I won't let you do this! I can do it! Let me do it! Just leave her alone!"

"You'll have a turn once she's done," Raina smiled as I leaned back on the cold table. This thing might just fry my brain. I didn't want this. I just wanted to go to bed. For Coulson. This was for Coulson. I needed to keep him safe. I needed to keep him out of her flowery clutches. Then the team would come and I would have some things to tell Fitz during our Girl Talk. We were going to have that Girl Talk. I just needed to protect my leader first. Keep him away from this machine. I swear my right wrist burned more at the thought. "Are you ready?"

"Crawford!"

For Coulson. You needed to save him. The team would find him at least. "Yes."

And then everything was gone. I was floating in blackness, nothing visible in the slightest. It almost felt… kind of nice after anything. Like I was finally being allowed my moment of peace. This wouldn't be a bad way to go out actually.

"What do you see?" Raina's voice came through, but I ignored her.

Then I remembered Fitz, face flashing before me. My brilliant genius.

His face turned into someone else's- someone I knew but couldn't place. "I'm sorry," they said before plunging a syringe into my arm violently. I felt the plunger depress and the blue liquid enter my body. "It had to be done though."

And then it all came at once- a barrage that quickly overwhelmed my brain. Images flashed by faster than I could process, millions of moments flittering through my brain as the person vanished back into the darkness. And I knew I had been through all of them. They were all mine. They were my memories- the door having swung fully open.

At first it was like I was a detached observer to all this, but then it hit me like a wave crashing into my body. It all came at once as the images continued- everything those moments held. Pain, anger, suffering, horror, fear, and anguish all gripped my heart and soul in a vice. It was more intense than anything I had experienced, like I was drowning. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't fight.

I think it was at this part I started screaming- sounds like nothing that I had ever made before filling the empty void. It was too much. I couldn't take it. It was agony. Only agony.

The blackness vanished and now I was in the moments, actually experiencing them. And somehow it only made the pain even more searing- cries becoming louder as I tried to hold the emotions at bay. But it was no use. They came even more rapidly, each one a punch I couldn't take.

There was a car crash. There was water. There was a bright light shining from the sky. There was a man calling after me. There was cold. There was darkness. There was the feeling of every atom in my body shifting, my skin crawling as if it wasn't my own. There was someone dying before me. There was being so bloodied and bruised I couldn't move.

It was too much. Too much. I didn't want this. I didn't want this anymore. It was awful. It was all just so awful. And it was all mine.

There was death. There was dying. So much of it. So much pain. So many people.

And myself. So many deaths. I lived them over and over again- each one. Some were quick and swift. Others were drawn out and excruciating. I felt all of them piling on top of one another, growing until they were suffocating me. My screams couldn't get louder, but I needed them to be. I needed this to end.

I needed to die the final time. I needed to end this. Please won't this end. I felt so many voices crying out to me, voices calling me to join them. I couldn't move. They were holding me down.

The pain was too much. I didn't want it. Why did I have it? Why were these memories mine? I didn't want them. I had never wanted them.

Anger. Anguish. Pain. Horror. Fear. Death. Death. Death. Death.

Then it all vanished. The blackness returned, swallowed me up again. The emotions faded, but the imprint was still seared into me in a way that I couldn't shake. It was fading, but then why could I still feel all of it? I managed to stop screaming I think as the weight slowly lifted at a slow pace. The images were gone and I couldn't bring them back. I didn't want them back.

"Please be okay, please be okay, please be okay." I knew that voice. That voice wasn't a memory. It wasn't a haunting. There was warmth. Someone was holding onto me. Someone was clutching me for dear life- tugging at me. "Ashleigh!"

"Crawford!"

"Crawford!" I knew them.

"Skye," I muttered, returning somewhat to the present. Skye had her arms around me, head buried into my arm. "Skye."

"Thank God," she whispered and I felt her tears through the fabric of my shirt and sweater. I was shaking violently. I couldn't stop it.

Anger. Anguish. Pain. Horror. Fear.

"Ash!" Skye pulled back as another pain of arms wrapped around me. Someone put their chin over the top of my head, engulfing me.

Death. Death. Death. Death.

I was sobbing now and the arms just got tighter. "Shh, Ash. It's okay. You're safe now. You're here with us." Lee. It was Lee. I needed to talk to him. I needed to tell him something.

"Let's get her out of here." Someone else came from the other side and picked me up easily. "Come on, Crawford. Let's get you home."

The emotions faded faster once I had been loaded into a car, someone holding me as we peeled away. I finally had enough strength to force my eyes open to see it was Fitz who had his arms firmly wrapped around me with my head resting on the flannel covering his chest. The desert was disappearing around us as Ward drove like there was no tomorrow, going faster than I had ever seen. Skye had a hand resting on my knee from next to us.

Fitz. Ward. Skye. Even Simmons sat in the front seat, staring at her hands.

They had found us. They were here. I was safe now… from Po. From Raina. From that machine. The first positive emotion blossomed within me, desperately trying to fight off the darkness.

Safety. Security. Fitz.

I took a shuddering breath, noticing he was examining my right hand. "He cut my tattoo off," I muttered, slightly back in the moment. "He showed me the skin and everything."

"Oh, Ash." I felt the kiss atop my head and the arms getting even tighter. And normally it would have lit me up, but right now I just felt numb. The darkness was gone, but now I was just a hollow shell. There was nothing within me.

Despite myself, I found my eyes welling up again. "I threw up on my shoes too."

"I know," his soothing voice assured me. "That's okay."

"Coulson promised me a new pair."

"How about you just rest, Crawford?" Ward spoke up from the front. "You're with us. It's okay to fall asleep now."

I shook my head. "Last time I did that Coulson ended up in that machine. I can't let that happen again." I knew I was making no sense, but my mouth just kept going. "I need to protect him. He told me not to, but I have to. I can't let him get back in the machine."

I don't know how much longer we sat before pulling up the Bus ramp. Time was a concept I seemed to have lost in my overwhelming exhaustion. Skye helped me out of the back with Fitz right behind her. I still hadn't stopped crying, even though I was pretty sure I should have run out of tears by now.

"Agent Crawford." Agent Hand came to stand in front of me, smile plastered on her face. No. No. Please no. I turned away from her into Fitz. "We need to talk- "

"She's in no condition to do any talking," May cut in harshly. She turned to Skye, voice becoming much softer. "Take her into the shower and get her out of those clothes."

"Is that really our number one concern?" Jemma piped in. "I need to look over that wrist- "

"Simmons, you know Crawford. She hates being dirty. She doesn't like having the mission anywhere on her once it's done." Gee, May, I didn't know you were so observant. "This is probably hurting her much more than any injury she had right now. She had what she has been through in her skin. The first thing we can do to help her is get rid of all that."

"I'll take her," Skye agreed.

"I'll help," Simmons added, the two of them gently taking me from Fitz and steering me towards the bathroom.

"Wait," I argued feebly. "I need to talk to Lee about something."

"It can wait," Fitz tried to calm me. "I'll be right here. I swear."

They didn't give me room to argue as they started off again. As soon as I was in the bathroom they pretty much hopped in the shower with all of us in our clothes. Only then did they start stripping everything away, taking off all the baggage I had accumulated piece by piece.

"How's Coulson?" I asked as Skye tried to get everything out of my hair.

"He's doing alright. We found him knocked out in the same room as you, but he walked out of the other car when we got back. It seemed like he was pretty worried about you."

I nodded. Coulson was safe. He was back on the Bus. I could live with everything if it meant that.

After what seemed like hours of getting me free of dirt and grime, the girls ushered me into a pair of pajamas before leading towards my bunk despite my insistences. Everything still seemed off to me, but I had so much I needed to do. I needed to check on Coulson. I had to thank everyone. I had to talk to Fitz. I had to tell him how I felt.

"It can all wait until the morning," Skye insisted as she deposited me onto my bed. "Besides, Cheesetauri was going crazy in here without you." She turned to Simmons. "I'll stay here until she drifts off."

"I'm not going to," I made clear, crossing my arms in defiance. Skye merely took a seat at the foot of the bed, hand resting on my foot.

"I'm so glad you're alright Ashleigh. The whole team… we were all frantic. I can't believe- "

By then I was already out.

XXX

Bloody hands. My hands… completely covered in blood and bone, almost twisted beyond recognition. I held them to my face, breath quickening and heart keeping out of my throat. I couldn't move as I just stared at the snarled shapes in front of me that had once been my fingers and palm. I felt the pain then, sharp and quick, enough to make me cry out despite myself.

This couldn't be happening to me.

I needed them more than anything.

XXX

"Ashleigh!" I sat straight up in bed, sweat on my forehead as I clutched the covers around me. I was in my bunk. I was on the Bus. I held up my hands, seeing not out of the ordinary except my newly wrapped wrist. Simmons must have done that while I was sleeping. It tingled slightly but not painfully.

I had been dreaming. It was just a dream. But I knew that was a lie. Though I couldn't recall any of it now, I knew I had been experiencing one of my memories. I could just… feel it. The key had unlocked the door and now everything was pouring out at once. Only I couldn't seem to hold on to any of it, merely vague feelings and images. I quite frankly didn't know if after everything I wanted to remember.

I looked up only to be surprised by the sight of my entire team standing over the bed in my crowded bunk, all of them clearly beside themselves with worry. I tried to smile at them, but it just wouldn't appear. So I settled for lying. "I'm fine guys. I'm sorry for bothering you."

I think they knew I was lying, but they pretended to buy it. They all shuffled out to give me some privacy, Coulson giving me a look that we would talk once I was restored. My hand went to brush my tattoo, only to remember it was no longer there with a sinking heart. I forced myself to drift off again though, knowing I needed my rest to recuperate.

At least they pretended to buy it until I woke up to the exact same sight an hour later.

XXX

Well, there she is. We managed to fit a full episode into here and had quite the emotional journey for our poor girl. I expect that will have some huge effects going forward, but we'll see how she and the others handle what had happened to her. She is quite the strong one after all. But how much did she hold out after all that.

Thank you to all those who have alerted this story as they follow along with my crazy schedule. I hope this episode delivered on your expectation. So thank you to . BeckyBoo12221, Qewbix, RandomFandoming, and NekoKitsune27.

Thank you to those who have made this story among their elite. It means so much to me that we're only halfway through and you hold it in such high regard. Thank you MarvelPotterHead, Zoie10135, Kalliope-Korinna-Klytaimnestia, BeckyBoo12221, Qewbix, , RandomFandoming, and NekoKitsune27.

And of course thank you to my reviewers for you love and comments to keep me refreshed and invigorated for the job ahead. They mean more than you can know. Thank you to my friend eckles, VioletKane, OfficialLostGirl, NessieBooEvans, blackcat711, Guest, LeopardFeather, Lara Barnes, and GiraffePanda2.

See you all soon… for it shall be time to go to school where things will be a bit chilly. I'm quite excited for this one.